An open letter to our Republican neighbor

[Genghis Bob]

We know you told the police officer who responded to the calls about stolen lawn signs on Genghis Avenue the night of September 18 that it could not have been you who done the deed, as you were passed out from drinking at the time. However, since it was your friends who did the actual stealing, and since they used your driveway to transfer the stolen signs, we’ll address this letter to you in the hope that you’ll pass the information along.

Since you told our mutual neighbor (who caught you red-handed) that you are “very religious” and therefore “offended by John Kerry”, we thought we would help you out. Most religions of which we are aware frown on outright theft as a Bad Thing. Perhaps if you actually paid us for those possessions of ours which you take without permission, you’ll be able to salve your conscience. So the next time you decide to steal our lawn signs, please refer to the following price list:

1. Steal our “Kerry/Edwards – a stronger America” sign for $5
2. Steal our “Re-defeat Bush” sign for $18

Steal both signs for a discounted rate of $20.50!

We may add a sign or two in the near future, depending on your future activity. We’ll update the price list as needed.

Regards,

Genghis and Minerva Bob

PS: We don’t blame all Republicans for your behavior; heck, some of our best friends are Republicans. So in the future, should you decide to embark on another crime spree, you might consider removing the “Bush/Cheney” sign from the front lawn of your secret hideout, so it doesn’t reflect poorly on the other Republicans. Seeing as you’re not very good at not getting caught and all . . .

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Have you considered rigging a booby trap on your next set of signs? One that would spray red dye all over the perpetrator? Hey, it works for banks and bank robbers. :D

[Slacker]

The Kerry/Edwards Stronger America signs are spreading around my neighborhood like a sunrise. :D On my block at last count there were around 12 K/E signs, and only one Gee Dubya sign. Why is this remarkable? Because I live in Plano, TX - a very conservative part of a very conservative state.

I don't have a sign in my yard yet (just picked one up this weekend at the Plano Balloon Festival), which resulted in a knock on my door last week. I opened it up to see a somewhat testy looking man standing at the end of my sidewalk with a clipboard. A little voice drew my attention down to a child in front of me who was probably five or six years old. He says, "Do you want a George W. Bush sign for your yard?" :D

I politely responded, "No thank you." And they were off to the next house. ;)

[Metacom]

A little voice drew my attention down to a child in front of me who was probably five or six years old. He says, "Do you want a George W. Bush sign for your yard?" :D

I politely responded, "No thank you." And they were off to the next house. ;)
How anti-climatic. ;)

[Slacker]

How anti-climatic. ;)
Word. It struck me that it would be a tad harsh to respond with "How about I stick one (GWB sign) up your ass?" Maybe if the adult had asked instead of the kid. :D

[Spree]

Plano has Democrats? :eek:

Just kidding - my cousin lives in Plano and she's a liberal also. I'm over in Fort Worth and I'm hesitant to put my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car because I'm seriously concerned about getting my car keyed.

That's pretty pathetic, though - a grown man getting caught stealing lawn signs and having the police come to his door. Maybe the embarassment will teach him a lesson.

[Genghis Bob]

Plano has Democrats? :eek:

Just kidding - my cousin lives in Plano and she's a liberal also. I'm over in Fort Worth and I'm hesitant to put my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car because I'm seriously concerned about getting my car keyed.

That's pretty pathetic, though - a grown man getting caught stealing lawn signs and having the police come to his door. Maybe the embarassment will teach him a lesson.

What cracks me up is his alibi - "I didn't do it, I was too drunk to move!"

[Podkayne]

A person on my way to work has a Bush Must Go (http://www.bushmustgo.net/Signs.htm) sign in his front yard. If you haven't seen one of these signs, they have a space where you can slap on your favorite bumper sticker or write in your own message.

I noticed that this guy rotated messages pretty frequently. What zeal, I thought.

The one day a new sign appeared with the following message written in: "THIEF: STOP STEALING MY SIGNS."

[spectrum]

Plano has Democrats? :eek:

Just kidding - my cousin lives in Plano and she's a liberal also. I'm over in Fort Worth and I'm hesitant to put my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car because I'm seriously concerned about getting my car keyed.

That's pretty pathetic, though - a grown man getting caught stealing lawn signs and having the police come to his door. Maybe the embarassment will teach him a lesson.

Even more embarrasing is when a Congressman is caught doing it. I have a friend who works with the Democrats in Dallas, and he says that in the 2002 election Pete Sessions got caught red-handed stealing signs from yards that supported his opponent. Strangely, it never got any press.

[Spiny Norman]

Yes, our Kerry/Edwards sign got nicked, too. :mad: Seems to be a trend.

[Tentacle Monster]

Wow.

On my car, I've got:

Kerry/Edwards 2004 (literally given to me off someone's shirt back when I went to see Fahrenheit 9/11)

This is freedom?

Reboot America

And nothing's happened to my car. And I live on an airbase.

[Eve]

I've never understood this—why do people put political signs/bumper stickers up? It's not going to change anyone's mind, or get someone to vote who hadn't been planning to. People who agree with you will go, "yup," and people who disagree with you will go, "asshole" (and possibly steal your sign).

What purpose does it serve? Is Bush or Kerry going to wander down your street, knock on your door and say "thanks" or poke you in the beezer?

[TwistofFate]

why wouldn't it encourage someone to vote?

[Jonathan Chance]

Think of it as marketing and message control.

There is a certain segment of the voting public who respond to volume of ads. 'Volume' not in terms of loudness but in terms of amount. By seeing the message all over it becomes, to them, acceptable to vote for that candidate. In a town where there are a million signs for one candidate and none for the others it becomes socially acceptable to vote for the well-established and not-so-much for the non-visible.

That said, Lady Chance would kill me if I stuck one in our lawn. She's on record about this.

[Really Not All That Bright]

I've never understood this—why do people put political signs/bumper stickers up? It's not going to change anyone's mind, or get someone to vote who hadn't been planning to. People who agree with you will go, "yup," and people who disagree with you will go, "asshole" (and possibly steal your sign).

What purpose does it serve? Is Bush or Kerry going to wander down your street, knock on your door and say "thanks" or poke you in the beezer?
It may not actually induce people to vote, but a massive preponderance of the signs pointing one way or the other may induce some people not to vote.

In Orlando, for example, I'm seeing about 10 W '04 stickers for every 1 Kerry '04 sticker (which is about right, considering how many people in this town are absolutely fucking insane).

An uninformed voter might notice the same trend and think, "Well, Bush is going to win, so I'm not going to bother voting."

Ghengis Bob, I suggest the following: buy the signs you had stolen again, and put them back up. Then put up a third sign. Draw an arrow pointing to his house and put "This guy is a douche" above it.

[GLWasteful]

I'm still wondering at the level of smarts that one must have to use, "I was passed out from drinking," as an excuse to the police.

Someday I hope to attain that level myself.

[Metacom]

I'm still wondering at the level of smarts that one must have to use, "I was passed out from drinking," as an excuse to the police.
As long as you're in the comfort of your own home, being passed out from drinking isn't illegal. And if you'd been passed out from drinking recently, the cop would probably be able to connect the dots anways, and might just appreciate the honesty... :D

[Genghis Bob]

I've never understood this—why do people put political signs/bumper stickers up? It's not going to change anyone's mind, or get someone to vote who hadn't been planning to. People who agree with you will go, "yup," and people who disagree with you will go, "asshole" (and possibly steal your sign).

What purpose does it serve? Is Bush or Kerry going to wander down your street, knock on your door and say "thanks" or poke you in the beezer?

It's participatory democracy. It is kind of fun to drive around and see who's okay, and who's an idiot.

And I take issue with your last paragraph. In '96, we had a Clinton sign out, and Bill Clinton did come up to the door and hit on my wife.

[Ethilrist]

1. Steal our “Kerry/Edwards – a stronger America” sign for $5
2. Steal our “Re-defeat Bush” sign for $18

Steal both signs for a discounted rate of $20.50!
"Can I just steal your Kerry/Edwards sign three times for $12.50? I'm a little short on cash this month, what with my job getting outsourced to India."

I've always wondered about the sign thing. They never bring it up as a positive when things go badly for the winner. When Clinton was getting raked over the coals for the Monica Lewinski thing, nobody said, "Hey! Back off! He got tens of thousands of people to put his name on their lawn! That's gotta count for something! And what about all those people that stood on street corners on election day and waved signs with his name on them? Huh?"

[tdn]

I never seem to hear about Dems doing these kinds of shenanigans to Reps. Why is that? Am I just reading the wrong news sources?

[Genghis Bob]

When I saw that the sign was gone, I assumed it was the work of teenagers. My wife immediately suspected the neighbor, 'cause she's suspicious and paranoid and all that.

Oh, yeah . . . and she was right.

I'd have been okay with the whole thing if it had been kids playing pranks. I expected to find all the signs from the neighborhood on one person's lawn; heck, even switching lawn signs would have been pretty funny. That would have given us a chance to meet the neighbors, too.

But the belligerence of the thieves, and their willingness to hide behind religion, really rankled.

[spectrum]

I put a bumper sticker on my car and a sign in my yard/window because I'm proud of my candidate, my party and want to do whatever I can to raise visibility.

[NurseCarmen]

I'm not clear G-Bob, did the cop buy the excuse, or did the guy get charged?

[Hal Briston]

I'm still wondering at the level of smarts that one must have to use, "I was passed out from drinking," as an excuse to the police.

Someday I hope to attain that level myself.
Just one bit of friendly advice: Don't try and use it to excuse DUI.

[Chance the Gardener]

My Clinton/Gore bumper sticker was vandalized in 1992. I’ve never returned the favor, though I’ve certainly felt like it. I had a Howard Dean bumper sticker on my car. I got rid of that car last year and I haven’t purchased a new one. If I did, it would have a Kerry/Edwards sticker on it.

I feel my morale go up whenever I see the signs and stickers. I recently drove across the whole of Pennsylvania and New Jersey and counted bumper stickers. 66% were for Kerry! I was overjoyed! (Of course, I, um, only saw three stickers total…)

When I went back to visit the old neighborhood in western Pennsylvania, I drove past a house that used to have a Bush/Cheney sticker on the mailbox, which was there from before the 2000 election until at least Christmas 2002. But I was heartened to see that they’d peeled it off, and that they hadn’t replaced it. Was this due to vandalism? Or were they just appalled by Bush? They’re a family of nice, pleasant, intelligent people, so I like to think it’s the latter.

These signs, buttons and stickers really do have an effect. They give the impression of solidarity, be it real or contrived. They’ve never swayed me from one candidate to another, but they do make me feel good about the way my candidate’s campaign is going. I always vote no matter what, but I suspect that signs have inspired some who were tepid to the idea of casting a ballot to actually cast a ballot. And Really Not All That Bright has a point: more advertising could sway someone who doesn’t feel as involved in the process to vote for the candidate who’s advertised more.

[Genghis Bob]

I'm not clear G-Bob, did the cop buy the excuse, or did the guy get charged?

It was a case of he-said, he-said. Apparently drunk neighbor dude was not in the group seen with the signs - they were just his friends, in his driveway, with his neighbor's signs. By the time the cop arrived, his friends were gone with the signs. The cop told me the guy was still pretty stinkin' drunk when he was talking to him, so yeah, the cop bought his story.

[GLWasteful]

As long as you're in the comfort of your own home, being passed out from drinking isn't illegal. And if you'd been passed out from drinking recently, the cop would probably be able to connect the dots anways, and might just appreciate the honesty...
Not illegal, no. Just. . .well. . .dumb. At least from where I'm sitting.

And I would bloody well expect the cop to figure out that the nimrod in question was/had been drunk. As to honesty, well, it doesn't always go as far with the constabulary as one might think.

[Miller]

I never seem to hear about Dems doing these kinds of shenanigans to Reps. Why is that? Am I just reading the wrong news sources?

Oh, we've got our share of assholes (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=276348), too.

[emarkp]

Can you tell your Republican neighbor that the rest of us Republicans really don't want him?

[Cerri]

Plano has Democrats? :eek:

Just kidding - my cousin lives in Plano and she's a liberal also. I'm over in Fort Worth and I'm hesitant to put my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car because I'm seriously concerned about getting my car keyed.



Hehe, I'm so proud of my future in-laws, they put up a Kerry/Edwards sign in their yard, after my mom-in-law-to-be went to a Kerry/Edwards meeting last week. Several of her neighbors have them as well. They live in Euless. ;)

[Chairman Pow]

Have you considered rigging a booby trap on your next set of signs? One that would spray red dye all over the perpetrator? Hey, it works for banks and bank robbers. :D

Shouldn't that be blue dye?

[caphis]

At least where I live, seeing a multitude of Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers (and few GWB stickers) is very comforting, in that it gives us hope that this usually conservative area (which may or may not be a swing state, depending on what numbers you want to believe) just may come around this year.

That said, our incredibly conservative county has about a 4:1 ratio of Kerry/Edwards stickers/yard signs to Bush/Cheney stickers/yard signs, from what I can tell. Maybe it's just that we Democrats are more proud of our candidate?

Though I can't imagine why... :)

[Rilchiam]

It may not actually induce people to vote, but a massive preponderance of the signs pointing one way or the other may induce some people not to vote.

In Orlando, for example, I'm seeing about 10 W '04 stickers for every 1 Kerry '04 sticker (which is about right, considering how many people in this town are absolutely fucking insane).

An uninformed voter might notice the same trend and think, "Well, Bush is going to win, so I'm not going to bother voting."

Which might actually work in Kerry's favor, if that person would otherwise have voted for Bush! Hey, that's a campaign strategy: create the impression that your ]opponent has it sewn up, thereby lulling people into not voting because they think he doesn't need their support! (Yes, I realize that wouldn't really work.)

[Johnny L.A.]

Lots of signs and stickers up here in Whatcom County. Bascially there's Bellingham, and there's "the County". "The County" seems to be very small towns, and people living in rural areas. (Hey, I'm new here. Still figuring it all out.) I live in Birch Bay, which is a seaside vacation community. We get lots of Canadians who, obviously, don't have U.S. political ads on their cars or property. A lot of the other people are retirees, fishermen, or "Joe Worker" types. Almost every yard sign I see up here is Bush/Cheney and/or for the local Republican candidates.

Bellingham, a small town of about 67,000 people, has some Republican signs too; but I was overjoyed to see that most of the signs were advertising Kerry/Edwards -- at least in the more expensive areas.

Going by impressions -- I haven't tallied anything, just sort-of noticing -- cars on the road that have stickers are about 2/3 Bush/Cheney and 1/3 Kerry/Edwards.

I don't know how many of the Kerry/Edwards signs have been stolen. I've never seen any that were vandalized. But I've seen several large Bush/Cheney signs that were sprayed with red paint, damaged, or knocked over. On the one hand, this makes me happy. It means that not everyone "in the County" is blindly following Bush's lies. But it also makes me upset, because the people who vandalize the Republican signs are doing exactly what the neighbour in the OP is doing.

[Chance the Gardener]

At least where I live, seeing a multitude of Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers (and few GWB stickers) is very comforting, in that it gives us hope that this usually conservative area (which may or may not be a swing state, depending on what numbers you want to believe) just may come around this year.


What I’ve been reading is that the population shifts in the Richmond area and the Washington, DC suburbs favor the Democrats. It’s based on this that many people have thought of Virginia as a swing state this year. It might be, but I’d say probably not. Kerry and Edwards campaigned there this summer, which is unusual, since you hardly ever see Democratic presidential candidates campaigning there. However, the Kerry campaign seems to have let up on its Virginia efforts lately, so maybe he’s not making his play there. It might be worth it to restart the push in Virginia, but I guess that would hinge more on how the rest of the campaign is going.

Virginia hasn’t gone Democratic since 1964, but it seems to have been trending that way. Clinton almost took it in 1992, but that was something of a fluke. By 2008 or 2012, Virginia’s going to be an habitual swing state, I predict.

[The King of Soup]

I hope Genghis Bob has realized the positive side of this by now. For the price of a case of beer, apparently, he can suppress his thirsty neighbor's vote. Just leave it on his front porch. With a little luck he won't come to until the polls close. Or if he does stagger forth to strike a blow for the inebrio-American bloc, he'll likely get pulled over before he gets there (a vigilant neighbor could help this process along).

Either leave the whole case in front of his door, or take the cans and make a little Schlitz trail, Hansel-and-Gretel style, leading to some secluded spot where neighbor can enjoy undisturbed catatonia until Wednesday morning. When he weaves his hungover, disenfranchised self home, you should offer him a beer in celebration of your candidate's victory. It's only right.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

I've never understood this—why do people put political signs/bumper stickers up? It's not going to change anyone's mind, or get someone to vote who hadn't been planning to. People who agree with you will go, "yup," and people who disagree with you will go, "asshole" (and possibly steal your sign).

What purpose does it serve? Is Bush or Kerry going to wander down your street, knock on your door and say "thanks" or poke you in the beezer?
It's participatory democracy. It is kind of fun to drive around and see who's okay, and who's an idiot.

And I take issue with your last paragraph. In '96, we had a Clinton sign out, and Bill Clinton did come up to the door and hit on my wife.
So THAT'S what a "poke in the beezer" is! :D

[cowgirl]

I worked on the last Canadian federal election and our signs got stolen constantly. We had to count on 1/3 - 1/2 of the ones we put out, being stolen.

My riding (district) featured a really tight race between two candidates: one of the candidate had waaaaay more signs up in the neighbourhood, and thus a huge presence. But that candidate ended up losing, by a fair margin. She just had a really aggressive sign team. And I'm sure it won her a few votes - 'man, she's really popular!' and lost a few too - 'she's got it sewn up!'.