Attention Pitizens....

[Alphagene]

I am about to delete I thread I locked earlier. The one started by Scottchier's imitator.

Let it be known that I will be deleting any thread that is started by an obvious imposter or other blatant acts of sockpuppetry. If you all are one-tenth as bored as I am by these gastropods then I'm sure you will understand.

Deleting threads is an extreme measure, but these are extreme times. I'm not about to go crazy deleting posts here, I just want to delete the few that it would take to make posting not worth the troll's time.

This is being done with the sanity of the SDMB posters in mind, so don't be afraid to let me know what you think. Comments about or objections to this new policy of mine can be posted here or sent to alphazoster@aol.com.

I know Pitizens are the thickest-skinned of all SDMBers, but I thank you for your patience anyway, ya nutjobs.

Alphagene

[yojimbo]

Go for it Alphagene .

Wipe this prick out .

[Osip]

Man, talk enforcing DNFTT.
No skin off my nose if you do or do not.

Osip

[pepperlandgirl]

You are one of the coolest mods ever Alphagene. Thank you for taking care of the trolls/assholes that infest and pollute this wonderful forum :)

[Danielinthewolvesden]

I hpoe that my thread influenced you in some small way. Way to GO!!!!! :D

[WallyM7]

You have my blessing, Alpha.

As if you need it.

Be ruthless. You will get nothing but support from the regs.

[Monster104]

To shut someone up, cut the tongue out...or, for the digital equivilent, cut the fingers off.

[WallyM7]

Hey, Monster, in case I forgot to say so before, I think you're an okay guy.

Hope you stick around.

We need you, man.

[aha]

What's it alllll aboutttt alphaaaaa...no wait that was alfie or something like that.

Anyway put the blade to em' alphagene.

[WallyM7]

Do us a favour and don't sing, aha.

You've inflicted enough pain on the unsuspecting populace.

When my dog hears "Western Union", the pleading look in his eyes says, " Please put me down. I don't want to live anymore."

I often wonder how many dogs you've murdered with that song.

Of course, they can hear notes that you sang that us mortals cannot hear.

Oh, relax, you camel felcher. This is the pit and I mean every word I say.

[Monster104]

Why thank you, Wally...oh shit, this is the pit...here we go: Wally, I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.

[waterj2]

Have you tested the effects of Five Americans on rats, hamsters, gerbils, and other assorted rodents yet? I bet they love it.

Wally, just for insulting a person as nice as aha, may you be visited by a thousand rodents squeeking the tune to Western Union in unison in their little rodent-like way. May Harley Davidson politely ask that you try to refrain from associating yourself with their products (and may said products be sold behind your back by you well meaning family members right here on the SDMB) because they are concerned with their image. May the road to happiness for you have spiderwebs strewn across it, so that strangers will laugh as you attempt to traverse it. May your daugher's next date look like this (http://www.cwcm.net/sdmbmen/coldfire1a.jpg)

Oh, wait, I just remembered who aha is. Flame away. The sycophant could use some lessons in humility.

Damn, I need sleep. I'm sure you guys can guess where I stand on the issue of dealing with trolls in this manner.

[DRY]

Do us a favour and don't sing, aha.

You've inflicted enough pain on the unsuspecting populace.

When my dog hears "Western Union", the pleading look in his eyes says, " Please put me down. I don't want to live anymore."

I often wonder how many dogs you've murdered with that song.

Of course, they can hear notes that you sang that us mortals cannot hear.

Oh, relax, you camel felcher. This is the pit and I mean every word I say.


All right, that's it.

Wally gets my vote as best pit poster.

[Danielinthewolvesden]

Alpha, Oh great & powerful, how about zapping the thread by the "evil"matt, and by "."? PLEEEEZZZZE!!!

[VaHermit]

Well, shit. Aha said I could carry his guitar at his next gig. But if the tone around here is any indication, maybe I'd better not give notice at my regular job just yet.

Alphagene, bless you, go for it!

[Coldfire]

WaterSports2Jay said:

May your daugher's next date look like this (http://www.cwcm.net/sdmbmen/coldfire1a.jpg)


Get a fucking ticket and stand in line, you fucking gerbil squickers ;)

All hail Alphagene, Slayer of Brainless Turds!

[Scylla]

Ummm. I have a question. Since I posted in that thread, will I still get credit for that post in my post count even if it no longer exists?

If I do, and years from now scholars attempt to reconstruct the entire body of my work of posts for posterity (I'm sure the future will recognize the genius of my work here, though I am unappreciated in my own time) they will come up one post short. Critics and scholars will wonder and speculate about the famous "missing post."

It will be your fault! Who are you to tamper with my art? Who are you to change the future? Should one man yield such awful power?


Then again:


"Wipe them out. Wipe them ALL out."
-Darth Sidious

[aha]

Do us a favour and don't sing, aha.

You've inflicted enough pain on the unsuspecting populace.

Wally you are just pissed because you can't get 50 year old groupies.

Jealousy is such an ugly thing.

[Sealemon88]

When my dog hears "Western Union", the pleading look in his eyes says, " Please put me down. I don't want to live anymore."

Which harmonizes nicely with your motorcycle's moaning "Kill me...kill me..."


Why thank you, Wally...oh shit, this is the pit...here we go: Wally, I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.

Hmmm. That would explain Wally's fascination with throwing rodents (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24442) on ceilings: his mom did it to him when he was a kid. It's obviously a revenge thing.

It would also explain why he posts like he's had multiple concussions.

Get a fucking ticket and stand in line, you fucking gerbil squickers.

1. I was wondering about where the missing body of the dead gerbil (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24442) went to! The Canadian Secret Service (Motto: we stick to criminals like maple syrup) was on the case, and the last I had heard they had finally found their own asses. But even the FBI wouldn't have thought that some clog wearing pervert would have stolen the body too..."plug its dyke".

2. I know prostitution is legal in Amsterdam, but there has got to be a better way for you to make money.

3. Christ. First "felching", now "squicking". Somebody please keep Coldfire away from the Perverted Terms Meetings!

[Alphagene]

Oh great & powerful, how about zapping the thread by the "evil"matt, and by "."?
Well, I don't want to appear drunk with power, so I don't want my new policy to work retroactively. And leaving the threads open would be a good exercise in DNFTT, anyway.

Osip makes a good point. I'm obviously not going to delete every thread that a troll pops up in, so an aggressive DNFTT protocol would help tremendously in the threads I'd rather not delete. If a thread becomes a troll's attempt to get attention and nobody caves in, then it will be locked and it'll sink like a stone.

Since I posted in that thread, will I still get credit for that post in my post count even if it no longer exists?
Yes. Your post count should remain the same even if you posted in a thread that has been deleted.

[Una Persson]

I'm so glad that AMD is looking so strong now. Intel has had a long string of miserable failures and slow advancements:

- the extreme delay in getting their 64 bit chip to the market. And when they do release "Itanium", or whatever the hell it's called, it really sounds like it will be priced pretty much out of most people's reach.

- the fiasco of the Pentium bug, where at first you had to argue on the phone for an honest hour or mor to get them to replace their defective product.

- the slowdown in their schedule for ramping up Pentium 2 and Pentium 3 speeds, which only sped up again when Athlons started selling like beanie babies.

- multiple releases of flawed motherboard chipsets, that crippled USB support, AGP support, the number of DIMM's you could actually use on a board, etc.

- their ill-fated delve into the 3-D graphics card market, with their i760(?) and their modem fiasco.

And then there's RAMBUS. I've followed the RAMBUS issue for a while, and the whole thing just gives me a very unpleasant feeling. Intel is setting us up for a good-ol-fashioned corn holing.

[WallyM7]

Is Anthracite's post a non sequitur, or did I miss something?

Nobody tells me anything.

[VaHermit]

Wally

I wondered the same thing when I first read it, but then I noticed that Jeff_42s "Rambus Inc." thread was right under it. Probably just a misclick.

[TVeblen]

Go for it, Alphagene, it's sensible answer to a infuriating problem caused by very few people. The reasonable Dopers will hail this gratefully as a dose of chlorine to counteract all the troll piss in our communal swimming pool.

You're worried about getting power drunk amongst this group? ::horse laughs:: Fuggedhdaboudit. They're vocal enough they'll let you know, all right. Just listen..

::pitiful dog wails, counterpointed by the "duh-ta-duh" etc, chorus of "Western Union"::

Oh. Well, check back later.

Veb
P.S. As long as I have your attention, Pitizen could possibly be misconstrued due to its resemblance to "pity".

[aha]

:itiful dog wails, counterpointed by the "duh-ta-duh" etc, chorus of "Western Union"::

ohhhh Veb.. why you I oughta.... ahh you know I love ya..

uh oh shit this is the pit..damn.

[Scotticher]

Well, I apparently missed all the "fun". What did this thing do to my reputation?

Alphagene, thanks for looking out for me.

Scotti

[Danielinthewolvesden]

Compared to flirting with some of us known perverts? Nothing at all, my dear, nothing at all.... ;)

[Scotticher]

Compared to flirting with some of us known perverts? Nothing at all, my dear, nothing at all.... ;)


Now, Daniel my love-you know I never flirt, especially with known perverts. Actually, I don't think I KNOW any perverts, so this is a moot point.

Now about that backrub-

Scotti

[Byzantine]

Oh man! Now what am I gonna do on those Saturday nights when I don't have a date? No, no, stop sending me the obvious ideas (ya perverts)!

Gotta agree with the purse carrying Alphagene on this one.

Oh, you didn't know that about him? Yes, he has a purse. And one of the really cool things he has in it is Troll-be-gone. I wish I had a can of it but, alas, I choose to be a simple, humble poster rather than seek the glory (or hell?) as a moderator.

What else do you have in that purse... what's this thing about taking all my posts down? I really –

[DRY]

I was wondering about where the missing body of the dead gerbil (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24442) went to


It's body mysteriously disappeared between the time it was loaded onto the airplane at Love Field and the time it had landed at Washington, where the offical autopsy was to have taken place.

Rumor has it that this theft was necessary because an autopsy would have revealed that the gerbil's head, before the moment of death, had snapped back and to the left
...back...and to the left...totally inconsistent with the "Wally M7s as sole pepetrator" theory. The gerbil would have been shown to be a victim of a triangulated crossfire. And it would have been proven that there was a second gerbil chucker behind the grassy knoll.

Witnesses report seeing a man running away from the grassy knoll just after the incident, but they disagree whether the shirt he was wearing said "Clog Boy" or "personally welcomed by Lynn Bodoni". It is possible that there were two men. One eyewitness version had one of them escaping on a "puke green motorcycle.

[Esprix]

Personally, I'm keeping a low profile these days for fear that someone might get the idea to SP me.

Truly a disaster in the making.

Esprix

[vandal]

Yes. It's about time. More power to you, Alpha.