Stupid cake frosting!

[zoo]

I pit this stupid cake frosting!

It is my wife's birthday today and I thought I could impress her by baking a cake. The bake the cake part was fairly simple but now the frosting looks like hell. I build $7 million yachts and I can"t even frost a fucking cake! It looks like a five year old did it. I have to choose between throwing the thing away or having my wife laugh at me all night (next ten years more like it).

Stupid fucking cake frosting!!!

[Ukulele Ike]

....if I were your wife, I'd rather have yuh build me a seven million dollar yacht than a cake.

[Jenaroph]

Heh...you didn't let it cool before frosting it, did you.

[lissener]

....if I were your wife, I'd rather have yuh build me a seven million dollar yacht than a cake.
O.K.?

[WhyNot]

You might be able to salvage it (I'm also betting you didn't let it cool.)
First, stop putzing with it. It won't get better like that.
Second, put it in your freezer for 10 minutes or so. You don't want to freeze it, but you do want to firm up the frosting a bit.
Next, smooth out the firmed frosting as best you can. Don't worry about the little bits of cake. It's too late to fix that.
Get some powdered sugar and put in in a sifter or wire mesh seive.
Tap the side of the seive or sift the powdered sugar over the cake.

If you're lucky, and it's not too far gone, the powdered sugar will help blur the edges of the monstrousity a bit. If it's too far gone, at least it won't look any worse!

Next time, remember, yes, they really do mean let it cool completely!

(P.S. If my husband baked me a cake and it looked like crap, I wouldn't notice through the tears of joy. Ya got points already!)

[Loopydude]

If baked a cake for my wife, I'd be afraid to give it to her for fear she'd go into cardiac arrest at the shock.

[zoo]

I did let it cool down, but it was so uneven I had to cut the top off the lower layer and it seems to have disrupted the structural integrity of the cake.

WhyNot Thank you for the advice but she is here now and she has not seen it yet. I don't think I can fix it while she is here.

[WhyNot]

Well, you can always cut it into chunks and put in in a wine glass and serve her a beautiful "parfait"! :p

[Zebra]

I'll bet ten dollars that she finds the mess up cake really cute.


You did this for love. You are not on Iron Chef. Just relax.

[finette6]

hey, former pro here--

re the structural integrity thing-- it helps to trim the humpy part off the top of each layer BEFORE you knock it out of the pan- that way the uncut, flatter side is up and it will take the frosting better- just saying, for next time (because of course there will be a next time, right?)

anyway, add my voice to the chorus of congratulations-- just doing it is such a nice thing that even if your wife laughs, it will be a charmed and thrilled laugh, not at derisive one. Also, it tastes the same no matter how fucked up it is!

-finette6, who dearly misses her rose tips

[Loopydude]

Yeah, but there's something to be said for visual aesthetics and their relationship to food. I cannot for the life of me make a good-looking omelette. It really pisses me off. It tastes fine; damn good, in fact, and if it looks a bit like I chewed it already, what's the big deal, since it's definitely going to look like that in a few minutes, right?

Well, it is a big deal, dammit. I once prepared breakfast for a few friends, and they looked at my omelettes like I'd tossed a steamer on each of their plates. They (the omelettes) were hideous. "It's naht a tooomah," I said, lamely, trying to compensate with humor for the lumpy masses of egg and cheese I'd given to my friends, ostensibly as a token of my esteem.

I'm a life scientist, doggone it. I cook up pretty-looking things for a living. Why can't a make a goldang omelette properly? I feel zoo's pain. It's not the end of the world if we can't cook something that looks edible, but it is a bit of an embarassment!

[Scarlett67]

I have to choose between throwing the thing away or having my wife laugh at me all night (next ten years more like it).
Hey, ten years of laughter is a heck of a present! :D:D:D

[DeVena]

Wait a second. It's cake. You never throw away fresh cake. Ugly still tastes good and would be deeply appreciated.

Dammit. Now I want cake.

[Kythereia]

What the others said, don't sweat it. It really is the thought that counts (and whether or not you remembered the flour ;)).

--Kythereia, whose last attempt at making cake went horribly, horribly wrong

[Anaamika]

Yeah, but there's something to be said for visual aesthetics and their relationship to food. I cannot for the life of me make a good-looking omelette. It really pisses me off. It tastes fine; damn good, in fact, and if it looks a bit like I chewed it already, what's the big deal, since it's definitely going to look like that in a few minutes, right?

Well, it is a big deal, dammit. I once prepared breakfast for a few friends, and they looked at my omelettes like I'd tossed a steamer on each of their plates. They (the omelettes) were hideous. "It's naht a tooomah," I said, lamely, trying to compensate with humor for the lumpy masses of egg and cheese I'd given to my friends, ostensibly as a token of my esteem.

I'm a life scientist, doggone it. I cook up pretty-looking things for a living. Why can't a make a goldang omelette properly? I feel zoo's pain. It's not the end of the world if we can't cook something that looks edible, but it is a bit of an embarassment!

I'll make you an omelette, sweetheart.

I'm really good. My omelettes come out looking like works of art. Just the right amount of fluffy and golden and cooked just right.

[BubbaDog]

You can't frost a cake?!?
I'm not sure that I will be ordering my next 7 million dollar yacht from you. :dubious:

[Frank]

I'm not sure that I will be ordering my next 7 million dollar yacht from you. :dubious:
Just be sure to get the after-market frosting.

Elenia28, I don't want to hear about your aesthetically pleasing omelets, thank you very much. As with Loopydude, mine taste wonderful and look like something the dog threw up behind the couch. I've been cooking the damn things for over 20 years, and I'd like to believe that NOBODY can cook an omelet that looks nice. So, hush.

[Ponder Stibbons]

This Year's Model, you have trouble making omelettes that look good? :confused: But it's so easy! You just ... well, it's easier to show than to describe. I use an oil spray on the pan (even though the pan is teflon) before starting. Beat the eggs in a bowl and maybe add a tiny amount of milk while the pan warms up. When the pan is warm enough that a drop of water kinda sizzles, pour in the eggs, put a top on the pan. Cook until it sets and easily slides around in the pan. Flip. Top with goodies, cook a little more, serve. Easy!

Oh, and zoo, so ... you gonna tell us everything worked out OK, right?

[Anaamika]

I could teach you guys...?

Seriously, it's probably because you flip it too soon the first time. Or, at least this is the problem I used to have.

A trick: If it really comes out looking like crap, put some cheese in it, fold it in half, put more cheese, fold it in half again, and slap it between two slices of bread. Condiment to your desire. Now you have an omelette sandwich.

My Papa taught me how to make omelettes a work of art. He used to make me one every Sunday, and me and Papa would just chill with our yummy omelettes while Mom ate her oat bran or whatever.

[WhyNot]

I've decided never to make an omlette again. Instead, I make "skillets" or "scrambles." Really, people, 90% of good food is the marketing! :D


(I also hang picture frames at carefully crafted varying heights. If you can't get it straight, but it crooked on purpose, and now it's "art"!)

[Frank]

A trick: If it really comes out looking like crap, put some cheese in it, fold it in half, put more cheese, fold it in half again, and slap it between two slices of bread. Condiment to your desire. Now you have an omelette sandwich.

:D Now that sounds like a solution that'll work for me! Maybe it is the flipping, I get impatient.

[Anaamika]

This Year's Model, you have trouble making omelettes that look good? :confused: But it's so easy! You just ... well, it's easier to show than to describe. I use an oil spray on the pan (even though the pan is teflon) before starting. Beat the eggs in a bowl and maybe add a tiny amount of milk while the pan warms up. When the pan is warm enough that a drop of water kinda sizzles, pour in the eggs, put a top on the pan. Cook until it sets and easily slides around in the pan. Flip. Top with goodies, cook a little more, serve. Easy!


Ok, ok...I'll tell you my system.

A little butter or margarine on the pan, but don't put it on until a) the pan's hot and b) you're ready to drop your eggs on. Put eggs in a bowl, with seasoning and whatever else you want to put in. Make sure your ham or whatever is chopped really fine. Mix it up really good. Then put the butter on, when it's melted spreadit around and put your eggs on.

I don't use a top; just let it sit. Watch it until most of the liquid is cooked on the top, then carefully flip it over. if there is liquid left, it will cook on the bottom as long as it's not a lot.

Now the side on top should be beautiful golden and fluffy. Cook for a few more minutes so the bottom is cooked, and then flip again. Add cheese. Fold if desired (I usually fold at least in half).

And that's all there is to it! The trick for both systems is ONLY flipping it at just the right time!

[Zebra]

Well did she like the cake or not?

[Loopydude]

Yeah? How did it go?

And, uh, didja "get any" afterward, if ya know what I mean ;)?

[scout1222]

This thread right here demonstrates what I love about this place. Here we have a guy ranting about frosting on a birthday cake. And we all glom on to it and ABSOLUTELY NEED TO KNOW how things worked out.

Incidentally, I liked the idea of cutting the cake up and putting it in a parfait glass. Clever!

--scout, who will eat a cake no matter what it looks like.

[Frank]

And, uh, didja "get any" afterward, if ya know what I mean ;)?
Given his silence, one can only assume that zoo is still getting laid.

[zoo]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I apologize for the delay but I had things to do before the debate and then it was bedtime.

The cake presentation was a very jovial affair. The kids were quite amused and my wife was a pillar of restraint. I would post pictures but I do not know how to display them in this format.

To join the hijack, I can make a stellar omelette!

[Yamirskoonir]

Doesn't some company now make microwavable frosting that you heat, pour on, and it evens itself out as it cools?

I've always waited till the cake cooled completely, but I would frost with the exposed part on top and inevitably a fine layer of baked goodness (kinda like a "crust") would peel off and mix with the frosting, leaving visible golden crumbly bits throughout. I'd like to try the microwave stuff, but I shudder at the thought of the types of preservatives contained therein. Has anyone tried it yet? Thoughts?

[Loopydude]

Glad to hear it!

I had the pleasure of watching the chef frost a cake that was a model mine and my wife's wedding cake. It's clear to me that frosting anything pleasingly is nothing short of art, and I've never made a serious attempt at it (cookies and brownies don't count, I'm guessing). You have my utmost respect for even trying.

[StarvingButStrong]

Yamirskoonir the secret to non-crumb infested frosting is to do it TWICE. First with a plain, thin sugar/butter/milk frosting that you slap on and let set. This glues down any potential crumbs. THEN you frost again with whatever frosting you want to make an impression on.

BTW, this will also work when you have to do some cutting to even out the cake. Put that first layer of frosting over the cuts....think of it as primer.

[Loopydude]

Ok, ok...I'll tell you my system.

A little butter or margarine on the pan, but don't put it on until a) the pan's hot and b) you're ready to drop your eggs on. Put eggs in a bowl, with seasoning and whatever else you want to put in. Make sure your ham or whatever is chopped really fine. Mix it up really good. Then put the butter on, when it's melted spreadit around and put your eggs on.

I don't use a top; just let it sit. Watch it until most of the liquid is cooked on the top, then carefully flip it over. if there is liquid left, it will cook on the bottom as long as it's not a lot.

Now the side on top should be beautiful golden and fluffy. Cook for a few more minutes so the bottom is cooked, and then flip again. Add cheese. Fold if desired (I usually fold at least in half).

And that's all there is to it! The trick for both systems is ONLY flipping it at just the right time!

Y'know, this omelette stuff may deserve its own thread. Shall I?

[Lynn Bodoni]

I've decided never to make an omlette again. Instead, I make "skillets" or "scrambles." Really, people, 90% of good food is the marketing! :D


(I also hang picture frames at carefully crafted varying heights. If you can't get it straight, but it crooked on purpose, and now it's "art"!) I also do "scrambles", and my favorite one combines ham, bell pepper, onion, tomato, and cilantro. When it's done, I sometimes put some cheese on it. I love it.

As for frosting cakes...my Home Ec teacher always told us to slice off the hump in the middle of the top of the cake, then to flip the layer upside down, so we'd frost the smooth bottom crust of the cake. This helps, somewhat, as does putting a layer of "primer" frosting on the cake first. However, it does take some skill and one needs to keep in practice. Since I'm the only one in this family with a real sweet tooth, and I'm diabetic, I really don't practice it that much.

[ioioio]

Too late now, but for future reference, don't let anyone see the cake until it is covered with burning candles, which will distract everyone from looking at the frosting. After the candles are blown out, immediately start removing the candles, then blame the messed up frosting on the candle-removing process.

[Little Plastic Ninja]

I also do "scrambles", and my favorite one combines ham, bell pepper, onion, tomato, and cilantro. When it's done, I sometimes put some cheese on it. I love it..

I didn't realize just how much I wanted one of these for dinner. :(

I'm going to have to run out to the store now and get one bell pepper, one box of mushrooms, some green onions, some cheese...


bastards making me hungry :D

[Guinastasia]

So did the cake taste good? That's all I'd care about!

[PunditLisa]

It's not clear if you used store bought frosting. If you did, I've found it's easier to work with if you nuke it for 15-30 seconds before frosting the cake. Or add a little milk to thin it out.

Of course, packaged frosting should only be used in cases of emergency. Otherwise, you simply must do a homemade frosting. Butter, powdered sugar, cocoa powder, and a bit of milk is all you need to make frosting that is more spreadable and way more delicious than store-bought. It also doesn't grab the cake as much. I also have a delicious mousse frosting recipe that you make with heavy whipping cream. Mmm mmm.

And now, like DeVena, I also want cake. Damn.

[teleute12]

...Wait, you're supposed to *flip* omlettes?

I've always made them the way my dad showed me, which involves pulling up the sides of the mixture with a fork and tilting the pan so the liquid egg runs into the space and gets cooked. How do you fold it if both sides are cooked, though? It seems it would be too stiff.

[zoo]

The frosting was store bought, Betty Crock or somthing. It was not a bad cake, just mis-understood. It will be a while before I bake another.

[StarvingButStrong]

...Wait, you're supposed to *flip* omlettes?

I've always made them the way my dad showed me, which involves pulling up the sides of the mixture with a fork and tilting the pan so the liquid egg runs into the space and gets cooked. .


That's how I've always made them, too. So did Julia Child, btw.

Beat up eggs, pour into pan that has a bit of melted butter. Lift/swirl until pretty much all the eggs are set. Sprinkle desired toppings onto eggs stuff. If toppings include cheese, then set a lid over the pan and turn heat down and let cook for a minute or so to melt the cheese. Decant onto plate by sliding the omelet out, and after the first half is on the plate reverse the direction you are moving the pan so the second half folds over and falls on top of the first half. Eat.

I've never heard of anyone "turning" an omelet until thread.

You do turn the kind of thing (a scramble?) where the 'filling' is really little bits of whatever that was mixed into the eggs and cooked along with it...but those ain't omelets.