Is my friend a perv?

[Tony Montana]

She's 21 and is very attractive, she's like five-foot-nothing and petite, so she looks younger than 21. Oh BTW she's bi-sexual and likes 'em young.I overheard a conversation between her and a 15 yr old girl. Apparently she gave the 15yr old a few hickeys.Oh and when she's in my car she'll whistle at young females. If it were a male friend doing this, he'd be labeled a "Chester" and would'nt be my friend for long. IYHO is she pervy? I think she is.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Well, somewhat. She's also at risk of getting herself in rather big trouble depending on what state you guys live in.

[Casey1505]

A perv? I dont think so. 21 and full of youthful exuberance? Probably a better diagnosis. Especially since you say she can pass as much younger than her years. Maybe since she does, she figures everyone else does. Whistles are harmless. Did she know the 15 year old was just 15? What's the age of consent in the crapper?

[pokey]

Creepy.

[Ilsa_Lund]

More importantly, what's your friends number? :D

[Ace309]

If she was a guy, it'd be skeezy.

Since she's a woman, it's... skeezy. I don't see what gender has to do with it.

[Ruby]

15 is 15 and your friend should damn well know better.

Not only is it creepy, it's likely illegal no matter what the gender.

I have no objection to the actions of two consenting adults. A 15 year old simply doesn't have the sense to make those decisions yet.

Tell her to knock it off. Now.

[DMark]

15 is 15 and your friend should damn well know better.

Not only is it creepy, it's likely illegal no matter what the gender.

I have no objection to the actions of two consenting adults. A 15 year old simply doesn't have the sense to make those decisions yet.

Tell her to knock it off. Now.

Agree 100%!

If that were a guy to a girl, prison.
If that were a guy to another guy, it would be on the six o'clock news, photos, prison and another example of how peverted we queers are.

Odd that woman to woman pedophilia is ignored, or even that someone would have to ask if it were a perv.

[Duderdude2]

A 15 year old simply doesn't have the sense to make those decisions yet.



Boy do I ever disagree, but that aside, she should not be doing this for the simply matter that it's illegal.

[EvilGhandi]

Duderdude2,

"Boy do I ever disagree"

Please tell me you are under 21. Otherwise you are exactly the type of person being refered to here. Creepy.

[GuanoLad]

Odd that woman to woman pedophilia is ignored, or even that someone would have to ask if it were a perv.
That's not pedophilia. It's barely even ephebophilia. It's just breaking a law.

[Typo Negative]

If that were a guy to a girl, prison.
If that were a guy to another guy, it would be on the six o'clock news, photos, prison and another example of how peverted we queers are.

Kinda drastic punishments for hickies, dontcha think?

[Bricker]

Could someone refer me to the specific law that criminalizes the hickey-giving?

[The Mermaid]

Could someone refer me to the specific law that criminalizes the hickey-giving?

I don't hickeys are the problem as much as 21 on 15 year old action. Especially if said 21 year old looks like she could be 15. Experimenting sexuality with someone your own age is a bit different than finding you've been taken advantage of by someone 6 years older than you and old enough to know better.

Yes your friend should cut it out. If she needs any persuading, ask her if she'd like to explain to the 15 year old's parents how harmless it is.

[Kythereia]

Like others have said, gender's got nothing to do with it--if your friend is giving 15-year-olds hickeys, your friend's a perv, no two ways about it.

Bleh. Creepy.

[Duderdude2]

Duderdude2,

"Boy do I ever disagree"

Please tell me you are under 21. Otherwise you are exactly the type of person being refered to here. Creepy.

Yes I am under 21 and no I wouldn't be that "type of person" regardless. What I opposed was that statement that a "A 15 year old simply doesn't have the sense to make those decisions yet", which I believe to be a blatent mistruth.

That does not in any way represent my condoning of such behavior by an older individual as my post had also stated. Frankly, I'm bothered that you somehow came to the conclusion that you did, despite my post being quite clear on the matter.

[AngelicGemma]

21 and 15?

I vote for creepy.

[betenoir]

Right.

She's a creepy pervert. Until the hickey recipient has a birthday. Then she's perfectly normal. Depending on which state she lives in, possibly she's a pevert for at least another year :rolleyes: .



Lusting after young, sexually mature (physically sexually mature) people is not a perversion...it's about the most normal sexual response there is.

Doing something about it is another matter. It still doesn't make you a pervert, it might make you an irresponsible idiot.

When I was 15 I went out...briefly...with a 20 year old guy. It was brief because we both figured out I wasn't ready for a relationship on a 20 year old level. But he was not a creep or a perv for going out with me to begin with.


I would say if she just happens to really like this 15 year old...she's not a perv. Although she should proceed cautiously, for both moral and legal reasons.

On the other hand if she continuously goes after VERY young girls when there are so many nubile 18 year olds around, she might be getting off on the power and manipulation possible when there's that big and age difference.Now, in THAT case...perv.

[Guinastasia]

Another vote for creepy. Not so much that because-oh my god, 15 year olds are CHILDREN. More like, there's a huge difference in maturity levels when it comes to fifteen and twenty-one. I was almost an entirely different person at 15 than what I was then at 21.

Tell her to get someone her own age. And stop whistling at girls on the sidewalk-I HATE people (men or women) who do that!

[Ruby]

Boy do I ever disagree, but that aside, she should not be doing this for the simply matter that it's illegal.

When I was 15, I was having sex with a 19-year-old-boy. Did I "know" what I was doing? Yes. Did I understand that there could be consequences? Yes. Did I have the good sense to care? No.

I was lucky. We dated for 7 years and was happily married for another 7 years. Nothing traumatic hapened to me but I would never recommend it.

No matter what you may think, a 15-year-old is going to be flattered that an older person is making advances at them. A hormone-raging 15-year-old is not going to make the best possible decisions in that situation.

[Duderdude2]

No matter what you may think, a 15-year-old is going to be flattered that an older person is making advances at them. A hormone-raging 15-year-old is not going to make the best possible decisions in that situation.

In some states 15 years old is old enough to drive. If they have the capabilities to operate a potentially deadly weapon, they most certainly are capable of making sexual decisions. So long as it doesn't interfere with my well-being, I couldn't care less the outcome of their decision.

I too was 15 at one point, and was fully aware of the consequences of my actions. In fact, I had an older woman come onto me (est. 20, 21), though I was not interested in her at all (mainly due to age). I felt it to be a rational decision and it's certainly not one of the harder ones I had made at that age (whether sexually related or not). I'll also add that I've seen individuals far older than me make worse decisions than most of my peers.

[Ephemera]

I don't see a problem. She's 21 and acting like it but since she's a) female and b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would.

I don't think giving a fifteen year old hickeys is that bad either but I've never really cared much for laws governing sex amongst the consenting anyway.

[betenoir]

I don't see a problem. She's 21 and acting like it but since she's a) female and b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would.



:confused: I see where people have comment it she were a guy no one would think she was anything but a creep (well, I wouldn't think that but that's been the comments) but where has anyone given her more flak for being female and/or bi?

[Tony Montana]

b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would.


This one I have to disagree with. If it were a guy around here he'd prolly catch a black eye as well as universal scorn.Whereas people seem to be either titillated by or indifferent to her actions.

[Ephemera]

She's 21 and is very attractive, she's like five-foot-nothing and petite, so she looks younger than 21. Oh BTW she's bi-sexual and likes 'em young.I overheard a conversation between her and a 15 yr old girl. Apparently she gave the 15yr old a few hickeys.Oh and when she's in my car she'll whistle at young females. If it were a male friend doing this, he'd be labeled a "Chester" and would'nt be my friend for long. IYHO is she pervy? I think she is.

Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she's bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it.

Just my opinion though.

[betenoir]

Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she's bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it.

Just my opinion though.

:confused: Now I'm really confused. The post itself is about her and her sexual behavior...how do you get around noting her sexual orientation? Part and parcel.

And the part about whistling at girls was part of noting her "pervy' behaviour.

How is that undue?

[DrDeth]

That's not pedophilia. It's barely even ephebophilia. It's just breaking a law.

Right. It's not being a "perv" it's being a "criminal".

[levdrakon]

Whistling at 15 year olds is fine. When I was 15 I loved thinking I was attractive to "adults".

The hickeys I'm not sure about. For a 15 year old it's like a badge of honor. They love getting "caught" with a hickey.

The fact that your friend "likes 'em young" is potentially creepy. Will she always like girls who are six years younger? Not a problem. Will she always like 15 year olds? That's creepy. I guess in other words, does she like 'em younger, or young?

Man, if there were no people who liked 'em younger, I'd have never gotten laid my entire life. Well, except in high school.

[SolGrundy]

Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she's bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it.

Just my opinion though.
No. Mentioning someone is bisexual in a question about their sexuality is perfectly normal and isn't undue attention. Saying otherwise is being oversensitive.

And to the OP: yes, she's pretty pervy. 15 and 21 just ain't cool.

[Ephemera]

Wait, you're accusing me of being oversensitive? That's, well ... I don't even know where to begin so I won't.

Betenoir, I think the post could have been made without the issue of her being bi pointed out. While I admit the second portion of the OP I highlighted is innocuous and didn't deserve any comment, the first one just seemed too out there. Almost as if he were saying "and as if that wasn't bad enough, she's bi".

I am not intending to attack the OP or anyone else in this thread by my comments.. I am just stating my own opinions in regards to the situation and how the OP was worded. In retrospect, my own reply could have been worded better as well.

Nothing more was intended.

[MonkeyMule]

She's 21 and is very attractive, she's like five-foot-nothing and petite, so she looks younger than 21. Oh BTW she's bi-sexual and likes 'em young.I overheard a conversation between her and a 15 yr old girl. Apparently she gave the 15yr old a few hickeys.Oh and when she's in my car she'll whistle at young females. If it were a male friend doing this, he'd be labeled a "Chester" and would'nt be my friend for long. IYHO is she pervy? I think she is.


SInce my name is Chester, should I take offense at this?

Just curious

[norinew]

Another vote for creepy.

[SolGrundy]

Wait, you're accusing me of being oversensitive? That's, well ... I don't even know where to begin so I won't.
:D

That's pretty funny.

[Tony Montana]

Almost as if he were saying "and as if that wasn't bad enough, she's bi".


I re-read my OP and I'm not getting that, and certainly didn't mean it that way.



Bill O'Reilly/

Am I wrong people?Lets let them decide.

/Bill O'Reilly

[Blalron]

This one I have to disagree with. If it were a guy around here he'd prolly catch a black eye as well as universal scorn.Whereas people seem to be either titillated by or indifferent to her actions.

I freely admit that it is a double standard, but it is for this one practical reason: the 15 year old girl isn't going to be impregnated by another female.

[CBCD]

I am the mother of a 15 year old girl. What your friend is doing is wrong, creepy, and illegal. Perhaps your friend is going through a phase of 'youthful exuberance' in coming to terms with her sexuality. Maybe she's testing limits. She can do what she wants with other 21 year olds. When it comes to minors, that's a different ball game. A fifteen year old girl is a child. Society can be pretty harsh, and rightly so, on an adult who makes sexual advances to a child.

[norinew]

I freely admit that it is a double standard, but it is for this one practical reason: the 15 year old girl isn't going to be impregnated by another female.

I completely disagree. If this is right, then it's okay for an adult man who is sterile to go for a 15-year-old.

[Ferret Herder]

Betenoir, I think the post could have been made without the issue of her being bi pointed out. While I admit the second portion of the OP I highlighted is innocuous and didn't deserve any comment, the first one just seemed too out there. Almost as if he were saying "and as if that wasn't bad enough, she's bi".
Not really, because people would be wondering "wtf, why is she whistling at teenage girls?" It also makes the distinction that apparently she's not also doing this to teenage boys, even though she's bi,

[SkeptiJess]

I wouldn't call her "pervy" because it is natural to be attracted to people who are physically sexually mature. Because her behavior goes beyond mere attraction, however, she is definately innappropriate. I would say the same about a 21 year old of either sex or sexual persuasion behaving so to any 15 year old, BTW. Creepy and predatory.

[Incubus]

I think its kind of messed up because she is in a position to get close to 15-year olds (since her size makes her possibly resemble someone of that age) and takes advantage of it.

Also, while I am confident most Dopers would exert common sense in this situation (which they have mostly demonstrated in this thread) I can't help but be concerned that this would go under the radar for most people because she is a girl. I used to like a girl that was only 3 years younger than me, and I caught all kinds of flack for it. Gender stereotyping sucks.

[Who_me?]

Could someone refer me to the specific law that criminalizes the hickey-giving?


Exactly. I wouldn't classify a hickey as a criminal offense. Now, if things get a bit more intimate, then a criminal offense could be committed. I'm not saying that the 21 year old sucking on a 15 year old's neck is nothing to be concerned with, but it's not criminal.

Since she's your friend, why don't you talk to her about it?

[alphaFemale]

IYHO is she pervy? I think she is.


i'm posting this blindly (without looking at the other responses. yet.), and i'm guessing i'm in the minority, but i feel that nothing is wrong with that. not for me, as i chronically persue older men, but it seems fine. six years difference. big whoop.