A Panel of Experts Solves All the Worlds Woes! [Archive]

Tymp

06-23-2000, 02:46 PM

Here in Great Debates, just a few threads away, we have some of the world’s foremost experts on various subjects. Surely these experts can work together, debating hot issues to develop solutions to the problems plaguing humanity. Who is more qualified to address the concerns of our species than

The Libertarian Objectivist Christian
The Aging Rock Star
The Brit Bloke
The Irish Bloke
The Teenager
The Mormon Gal
The Gay Guy
The Commie Bastard and
The Closeted Bisexual Guy

Such a complete representation of humanity has never before been assembled (just play along, mkay?). Every demographic is spoken for and socioeconomic theories from every corner of the globe are presented. Let these perfect representatives of the people speak true and finally steer us on a proper course!

The unenforceable rules of this thread are very simple. Only experts may participate. A poster becomes an expert only after he of she has successfully maintained an “Ask the _____” thread that has not been scuttled by the god . . . er, mods for at least one day.

The topics of extreme import, which these experts might discuss, include but are not limited to the following:

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.
7. My dad vs. your dad.
8. Whatever else the panel deems important.

These intellectual giants and representatives of the common man have been assembled at long last. We the people eagerly await news of your judgments and conclusions.

Help us, please!

oldscratch

06-23-2000, 02:57 PM

:D
great thread Tymp

Esprix

06-23-2000, 03:06 PM

Hear, hear! It's about time this kind of round table was convened. I, the Gay Guy, will, of course, confer with my colleages. {puts on black graduation robe and clears throat like an old professor about to make a speech}

Now, then, let's start with your list:

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.

Coke, I'm afraid. Young Pepsi is nothing but a wanna-be upstart. Gotta stick with the classics.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

I will reference a rousing speech given by presidential candidate Bob Dole (whose form, at the time, had been assumed by the alien Kang):

Dole: Abortions for all!
Crowd: Booo!
Dole: Alright - abortions for none!
Crowd: Booo!
Dole: Alright - abortions for some, tiny American flags for everyone!
Crowd: Hooray!

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?

Oh, puh-lease. Brown is so last season. Black is black is black, honey - basic, bold and beautiful. Get some in your wardrobe. This year's hot fashion, however, is fur!

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.

You keep your church out of my bedroom, I won't have sex on your altar.

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat

Meat. Fruits and vegetables are verboten.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.

I think my record speaks for itself on this issue.

7. My dad vs. your dad.

Puh-lease. My dad's 73, just had his bladder removed, was in the hospital for 3 months, and my mother, who is ten years younger than him, is still pooped by mid-afternoon while he's still working on his boat until sunset.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.

My sex life is very important, so let's discuss... Oh, sorry. Dr. Boyfriend's here. (We'll talk later... ;))

And how do my esteemed colleagues weigh in on these important issues?

Esprix, The Gay Guy

carnivorousplant

06-23-2000, 03:10 PM

Just want to be emailed about this puppy.

Tymp

06-23-2000, 03:22 PM

I have now posted formal invitations to each of the Experts respective threads. True enlightenment and salvation are just moments away.

oldscratch

06-23-2000, 03:23 PM

Meat. Fruits and vegetables are verboten.

I can't bnelieve you're ant Fruits Esprix. Shame on you. Of all peope, I would think you would be pro fruits. ;)

mangeorge

06-23-2000, 03:25 PM

pepperlandgirl

06-23-2000, 03:33 PM

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
Well, some Mormons would say neither. However, if your going for the best caffeine free product, Coke. To paraphrase Andy Warhol "Everybody is equal when we are drinking a Coke."

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to
the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
The stance of the Church is that abortion is WRONG. However, if a woman feel she must have an abortion, she is encouraged to discuss it with her Bishop,fast, pray, and seek personal revelation. If it's a case of incest or rape,especially incest, I have heard some women are basically given the OK by the church.
Personally, I think it's none of my business. If a woman wants to have an abortion, then there's nothing stopping her. If it's against God's laws, then he will take care of it. It's not my responsibility.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
Nothing can replace the elegence, beauty, and simplicity that is black.

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
If people weren't people, I would definately say a little bit of mingling. But because the people in this nation are so incredibly diverse, seperation needs to be strict. I would feel uncomfortable having any religion shoved down my throat in any way by any government, even if it's my own.

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
Fruit

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of
procreation
Again, my beliefs are almost completely opposite than those of the Church.
The LDS Church wants to preserve the institution of marriage, beteen men and women. I don't blame them. In the LDS Church marriage is KEY for entering heaven, and there are few things more sacred than marriage in the Church.
My own personal views, I say legally anybody who wants to be recgonized as wed should have that privilage. Basically, I think in the eyes of the law, same sex marriage should be recgonized. But I agree that no marriage should be recgonized by the Mormon Church unless it's between a man and a woman and should be sealed in the Temple.

7. My dad vs. your dad.
My dad's not that great, though he's pretty cool. I mean, he puts material things ahead of me, but at least they are cool material things like Harleys, Computers, TVs, and Cars.

Liberal

06-23-2000, 03:57 PM

Um, well, libertarianism specifically prohibits the assumption of authority to solve other people's problems, but since you've explicity invited me, these are my opinions:

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.

Pepsi, hands down.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

Individual freedom from coercion.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?

No. Brown is dark yellow, i.e., red and green.

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.

How will you ever separate the Church politicians from the State ones?

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat

Fruit.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.

Guess.

7. My dad vs. your dad.

My dad for me, your dad for you.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.

As a 1960s protest crowd chant, "Hell no, we won't go!" was superior to "Down with the American imperialist capitalist fascist pigs, waging war against the innocent Vietnamese people!"

Garfield226

06-23-2000, 04:16 PM

1. Coke vs. Pepsi:
Whatever's in the house.

2. Abortion:
Not a good thing, not a good thing at all.

3. Brown isn't black. Black is black. Black is also cool.

4. Church and State:
Hey, they pray before a session of Congress. . .no one has really rallied against that before (at least not enough to get it taken away).

5. Crepes:
Fruit. Fruit is good.

6. Marriage rights:
Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: 'mar-ij also 'mer-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Old French, from marier to marry
Date: 14th century
1 a : the state of being married b : the mutual relation of husband and wife : WEDLOCK c : the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family

7. My dad. Definitely. Against all yours. At the same time.

matt_mcl

06-23-2000, 04:48 PM

This thread is nothing more than a thinly-veiled attempt at the usual corporatist bullshit which already affects out systems with sequential expert solutions until they shatter or rot. That being the case, as a non-definite-articled netizen, I will now inject my democratically expressed opinion as to the issues faced by our net'ion, as a technique of popular protest against the corporatist definite-articled regime.

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.

Neither. Why the hell would you want to drink brown chemicals anyway?

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

Women are not brood mares for the state.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?

No.

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.

Hard separation. Whenever the church has mingled with the state, the result has been disaster, from the Dark Ages to the Religious Right to the Duplessis Orphans to (just now) the Shas trying to destroy the Israëli peace process.

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat

Fruit.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.

I disagree with the state institution of marriage in general, but as long as it exists, we have an equal right to it.

7. My dad vs. your dad.

Your dad, I'm sure.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.

Corporatism vs. humanism: Humanism.

tracer

06-23-2000, 07:17 PM

Tymp wrote:

Here in Great Debates, just a few threads away, we have some of the world’s foremost experts on various subjects.

The Libertarian Objectivist Christian
The Aging Rock Star
The Brit Bloke
The Irish Bloke
The Teenager
The Mormon Gal
The Gay Guy
The Commie Bastard and
The Closeted Bisexual Guy

How could you forget:

The Magic 8-Ball

mangeorge

06-23-2000, 07:30 PM

Tymp

06-23-2000, 07:42 PM

For those of you keeping score at home, I will now summarize the findings of our panel of experts. None of this represents in any way a final decision on the part of the panel as we are still waiting for some panel members to weigh in with their expert views.

1. Gay Guys and Mormon Gals prefer Coke. Libertarian Objectivist Christians prefer Pepsi. Teenagers take a firm stance of unwavering apathy. Novice Canadian Humanists don’t give a rat’s ass what you corpratist bastards disguise your article-grubbing schemes as. They apparently add that you can take that can of carbonated yak vomit and shove it up you classist little butt!

2. teenagers won’t stand for abortion. Novice Canadian Humanists will not stand for the propagation of the species within the United States. Mormon Gals will not accept responsibility for your abortion. Libertarian Objectivist Christians will not be coerced into aborting their individual freedom to take responsibility for the propagation of the species. Gay Guys vote for Dole. I knew there’d be a few surprises in this thread.

3. Brown has never been, is not now, and will never be black.

4. Gay Guys, Mormon Gals, Libertarian Objectivist Christians, and Novice Canadian Humanists advocate a hard separation between church and state. Libertarian Objectivist Christians point out that church and state are both going to hell in a hand basket either way. Teenagers don’t see a problem with the way things are right now.

5. Fruit is almost unanimously accepted as the proper thing to have with crepes with the exception of Gay Guys who dig meat. (Personal Note: I’m with oldscratch here in that I never would have seen this comin’.)

6. Gay Guys, Mormon Gals, Libertarian Objectivist Christians and Novice Canadian Humanists support equal marriage rights for same sex couples under the law of society. Novice Canadian Humanists also suggest that the institution of marriage go the way of carbonated yak vomit. Teenagers own dictionaries.

7. Gay Guys, Libertarian Objectivist Christians and Teenagers have pretty tough dads. Mormon Gals’ dads don’t have time for these petty, juvenile competitions because they’ve got more important stuff to do right now, OK? Novice Canadian Humanists like my dad. (I’ll send him email right now to let him know.)

Other things we have learned thus far are outlined below:
- Gay guys have more interesting and eventful sex lives than anyone else, at least in their own minds.
- Mormon Gals dig Harleys (Note to self for future reference . . .)
- Libertarian Objectivist Christians are not easily amused by my little thread.
- Teenagers don’t always elaborate much.
- Novice Canadian Humanists cannot be trusted to follow the rules. Now there’s a shocker.

Other points of interest have not yet been discussed adequately to merit inclusion in this first summary.

Stay tuned for further updates as events warrant.

Ike Witt

06-23-2000, 07:46 PM

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

I will reference a rousing speech given by presidential candidate Bob Dole (whose form, at the time, had been assumed by the alien Kang):

Dole: Abortions for all!
Crowd: Booo!
Dole: Alright - abortions for none!
Crowd: Booo!
Dole: Alright - abortions for some, tiny American flags for everyone!
Crowd: Hooray!

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.

Scylla

06-23-2000, 08:35 PM

Great, as the W.M.U.M.C.S.C.T I wasn't even invited (not to mention the perjorative comments concerning the magic 8-ball)

This being a free forum, I will inflict both viewpoints upon you.

First as THE white male upper middle-class somewhat conservative taxpayer:

::Looks around the room.::

Hmmmm. THat long-haired freak in the stretch pants must be the rock star. Geez, you think he'd get a real job by now.

That guy over there in fatigues and a beret talking ernestly to the drunken red-haired guy must be the commie bastard and Irishmen respectively. Yeah, I must be right. that English bloke is looking pretty nervous. Is that a bomb they're building? Wonder what they are going to do with it?

Over there is some pimple-faced kid trying to come on to that girl, but she keeps glancing over at the rock-star guy. Lots of luck kid!

Hey these guys look pretty normal, not like these other freaks. I'll go over here and talk to them.

"Hey guys, where can I get a beer? Great. Thanks. What the hell are WE NORMAL FOLK doing over here with this crowd of weirdos? Oh. I gotta fill out this form, ok?

let's see, Coke's better than Pepsi, though I wonder what kinda coke that long-haired freak thinks we're talking about. Ha ha ha.

Abortion? Well You gotta take responsibility for your actions, you know? On the other hand I son't think anybody oughtta be forced to carry a baby they don't want. A baby's a real blessing though, my wife and I had to try for five years. How anybody could choose to throw away an innocent life is beyond me though.

Is brown the new black? What is this? I don't get it. Are they trying to trick me into saying I'm prejudiced or something?

Church and state? Gotta keep 'em seperated. Says so in the Constitution, don't it?

Crepe? What the hell is a crepe. Probably some kind of food for that long-haired queer guy over there, Right? Har! Har! Har! Whoo knows what THEIR kind eat, right? Get it? Har har har.

WHat are you looking at me that way for?

Equal marriage rights for gays? Well, I guess if one of those guys wants to dress up as a bride or something, it's ok with me, right? Har har har.

Why do you two keep looking at me like that? What's the matter with you?

:Glances down at list::

OK Check check check check check.

Hey guys I wonder who this "Gay guy," and "Bisexual Guy" are. I'll have to remember to watch my mouth around those two. Mustn't offend now, right?

Hey wait a minute!

Shit!

Hey take your hands off of me. My father's a recon marine and Vietnam Vet, he'll kick your ass!

Hey! Wait! Ouch! Crap that hurt. Ok ok I guess I deserved that. You didn't have to hit me so hard though.

Maybe I'll just hang out with this intense looking guy over here. Hey is that Atlas Shrugged? Where'd you find that thing. I remember having to read every page of that horrible thing back in High School. I don't know what kind of idiot buys into that crap.

Hey!

Ouch! Watch how you swing that Bible! Ouch! Crap!

Hey, you with the guitar! Stop laughing and get this crazy fool off of me! Ouch!

****

Fine. I'll just sit here and play with my magic 8-ball.

Buncha weirdos!

Smeghead

06-23-2000, 08:47 PM

Well, I feel enlightened.

Tymp

06-23-2000, 08:52 PM

I’m such a fool! How could I have forgotten The White Male Upper Middle-Class Somewhat Conservative Taxpayer?!

A thousand apologies, Scylla. I’m very pleased to see that you are not boycotting the panel on account of my grievous and insulting mistake. Thanks for staying consistent, too. it wouldn’t do at all to have The White Male Upper Middle-Class Somewhat Conservative Taxpayer getting along famously with the balance of the panel.

Kricket

06-24-2000, 01:18 AM

The fact that gay guys prefer meat suprises you?
Okay guys I know you can all add two and two. Put it together.

See, yet another reason not to start a Poly thread. One because I fit nicely with Chefs' thread, and two I hate filling out forms.

BTW ROTFLMAO Scylla! Good show!

Saint Zero

06-24-2000, 01:20 AM

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.
7. My dad vs. your dad.

Being the token Somewhat Conservative, Lower-middle class, Undereducated and Severly Underemployed Staying at Home Southern Dad, I'll chime in and hope no one laughs at me.

oh yeah, I'm an expert on how I think. I think.

1. Coke. Pepsi is malted battery acid with 2x the sugar.
2.abortion is a rotten form of birth control.
3. Give me a break, I had enough Brown in the 70's.
4. the Government is heading down the highway to hell in the fast lane anyway...
5. I prefer cold pizza, ham sandwitches and cold chicken.
6. I'm still old fasioned and think marrage should mean something.
7. I'll take my Dad, thank you.

Crusoe

06-24-2000, 05:54 AM

Ta for the invite, Tymp.

Coke vs Pepsi
- Coke, hands down. Pepsi tastes like something you normally see struggling seagulls coated in.

Freedoms vs social responsibility re: abortion in the US
- pass. I'm not a libertarian by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't see how abortion is anything other than a decision for an individual and for their conscience. There's plenty of 13-year-old council estate kids round where I live who seem determined to go forth and multiply before they hit 18.

Is brown the new black
- as I sit here, wearing biege combats and a shiny, tight-fitting brown FCUK shirt, I cna only say yes. Unfortunately, brown became the new black last year as far as I can tell, so once again I'm behind the times. Black is, I suppose, timeless.

Church and state
- should be entirely separate. Morality is not the business of the government in general. Of course there are exceptions (education should have some kind of non-religion-specific moral element IMHO), but the involvement of any church is going to lead to people with differing religious or atheistic viewpoints being excluded or having their beliefs legislated against.

Crepes - fruit or meat
- neither. Don't like 'em.

Equal marriage rights
- yep, why the hell not? Why would same-sex marriages stop anyone else procreating?

My dad vs your dad
- physical fight? Your dad. Brainpower? Mine. Ability to yell? Draw.

pepperlandgirl, why are women considering abortion encouraged to fast by the Mormon church? If having to decide whether you want to keep a child isn't enough to focus your mind, how's hunger going to help?

David B

06-24-2000, 07:29 AM

[Moderator Hat: ON]

A poster becomes an expert only after he of she has successfully maintained an “Ask the _____” thread that has not been scuttled by the god . . . er, mods for at least one day. So this is where all of these have been coming from, eh?

Ok, time to kill that idea.

This is Great Debates, folks. Only start Debate topics in here.

--------
David B, SDMB Great Debate Moderator

[Moderator Hat: OFF]

Andy

06-24-2000, 10:54 AM

My debate. Is this discrimination? What about ask the drunk guy? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=22898)

aha

06-24-2000, 03:17 PM

Coke or Pepsi...mixed either with enough whiskey and who gives a shit.

Abortion...Right to free choice

Is Brown the new black....H Rap Brown? Farmer Brown? Little brown jug? I am confused....

Church and State. I believe in complete separation...but then look what happened to Madelyn O'Hare...btw what did happen to her?

Crepes...I don't like them..just the other day a guy cut me off on the highway and I yelled you fucking crepe!!!

Lets preserrve the state of marriage. ( Although ladies, my wife said she would rather share me than lose me altogether..)

My Dad vs Your Dad...hey yo mamma!

2sense

06-24-2000, 03:41 PM

DoctorJ

06-24-2000, 03:46 PM

My "Ask The..." thread has hung on admirably (BTW, sorry about that, David), so now we can hear from the Medical Student:

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
Diet Pepsi. Any regular soda leaves an awful feeling in my mouth.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
Even though it is a lousy form of birth control, abortion should be legal and readily available.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
No. Brown is actually the old black. The new black, ironically enough, is black.

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
Hard separation. Those who blatantly pander with such moves as citing Jesus Christ as his favorite political philosopher in a Presidential debate will be deported to one of those countries that is really hostile to Christians.

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
Both.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.
Personally, I don't care for the institution either way. If it is going to be available to anyone, though, it should be available to everyone. Any marriage that is seen as just "a means of procreation" is, IMO, extremely sad.

7. My dad vs. your dad.
Your mom.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.
Health care is a human right. The best thing you can do for your health is to enjoy your life. You should also quit smoking.

Dr. J

David B

06-24-2000, 06:09 PM

I don't need an "Ask the..." question. I am the God of Great Debates. So there. Now, let's move on.

1. Coke vs. Pepsi. Coke. Anybody who says otherwise is a communist.
2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States. Individual freedoms. Anybody who says otherwise is a fascist.
3. Is brown, in fact, the new black? No. Anybody who says otherwise is colorblind.
4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling. Hard separation. Anybody who says otherwise is a Republican.
5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat Fruit. Anybody who says otherwise is fruity.
6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples. Anybody who says otherwise is a Republican again.
7. My dad vs. your dad. My dad. Anybody who says otherwise will be smited.
8. Whatever else the panel deems important. I deem everything important.

aha

06-24-2000, 06:34 PM

I challenge aha's statements. I argue that he has never started an "Ask the" thread ( at least I hope so, I didn't bother to check ). More importantly he stole 2 of my answers! I Ask that his comments be stricken from the record so that I can use my slightly different versions of those 2 answers.

Also, I welcome aha to the board.

[/sarcasm]

Well I have started an ask the thread...it's over in mpims..Ask the aging rock star..so that makes ME the expert, but I wish I hadn't cause people are all up in arms about the ask the threads now. Personally I hope the ones that don't like it.... well.... I realize that this is not the pit but....but...sob.. I hope their butts grow together.

I couldn't have stolen two of your answers 2sense cause I can't even find your reply. So since you are wrong on all counts...counts 1 2 and 3 we'll call them, I ask that all of your post above be stricken from the record. ( I am not sure which record but which ever one there is I hope your reply above is stricken from it. )

Geeezz I have 1500 posts and you are just now welcoming me?? Thankee.

Scylla

06-24-2000, 07:09 PM

I can't believe they let just anybody in here. I thought this was exclusive.

Where's Tymp? WHat kind of show is he running here?

I want to talk to the management.

BTW

Since it was stipulated that I could talk about anything that was important to me, I'd like to add that my daughter is most certainly the most perfect baby in the world. Genetically, intellectually, by beauty, by attitude, by knowledge of physics (she's discovering Newton's law of gravitation by walking a step or two and then crashing onto her butt.)

IT makes me feel bad for the parents of all the ugly, stupid babies I see all the time.

carnivorousplant

06-24-2000, 07:55 PM

Aha is guilty of whatever anyone says he is and should be punished accordingly.
;j

Doobieous

06-24-2000, 09:13 PM

Well, this being the SDMB, and since this is a free forum, you will now hear the opinion of the "gay, bi-racial, non surfing, Californian dude with a passion for plants and languages...."

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.

Coke, i think it tastes better, though, I am not so picky.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

It is not up to me to tell someone what they can or cannot do with themselves. Being a man, i REALLY have no right to tell a woman she cannot have an abortion or not.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?

Brown will never be the new black. Also, black looks better i think.

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.

Hard separation. No one's religion should be shoved down the throat of anyone else, especially by the state.

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat

fruit

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.

Well being gay, i think it's not right to not allow us to marry the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, while straights are afforded that. And hell, marriage as a means of procreation has been going on for thousands of years. I seriously doubt letting gay couples marry will destroy that.

7. My dad vs. your dad.

Well, My father is a cop, so I'm sure he knows how to take down most of your fathers.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.

I'd just like to say, work with nature instead of against her in your gardens. It will save you a lot of work and money if you do.

aha

06-24-2000, 09:42 PM

Aha is guilty of whatever anyone says he is and should be punished accordingly.
;j

CP come here...::::two fingers Moe style in the eyes::::

Don't you know not to screw with the experts?

BTW that little smilie looks like me only in the 60's. Either me or peter tork..

Chef Troy

06-25-2000, 09:56 AM

Oh boy, another chance to inflict my opinions on a bunch of people (including some who haven't read my "Ask the..." thread yet.)

That's Ask the closeted bisexual guy!" (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23013). You should all go read it right now. It's as tasty as ice cream AND as good for you as broccoli. Your mamas would be proud of you for reading it. Go do it right this minute. *grin*

Now, on to these burning questions:

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
I'm sure that you're all expecting a bisexual to say "either one." :) However, I don't drink Coke OR Pepsi, preferring iced tea (the house wine of the South). I do sometimes use Coke to marinate brisket, though.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
I come down firmly on the side of individual freedoms here. Anyway, I'm sure most of us have noticed that we really aren't having any problem propagating the species these days. Quite the opposite, if you ask me.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
Let me put it this way: I have lots of black clothing and almost no brown. Are you trying to say I'm unfashionable? *glare*

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
Hard seperation. Unless you're talking Notre Dame and Ohio State. (note: I am football-impaired, so if those two teams don't ever play each other don't bother to correct me. I just watch because of the tight pants.)

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
I've met creeps that were fruits and creeps that were meaty, and I didn't like any of them. Can't we all just get along? Huh? What? Oh.... I like both fruit crèpes and meat crèpes, depending on which course of the meal you're eating. Fruit crèpes should be served as a dessert course, or at brunch as one of several options.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.
See 2 above. We really don't need more procreation around here. On the other hand, equal rights are what this country was founded on. I can't see any legitimate non-religious argument for denying same-sex couples the right to be married; as for the religious ones, see "Church and State" above.

7. My dad vs. your dad.
My dad could definitely beat up your dad, but he wouldn't do it because he's such a great guy.

8. Whatever else the panel deems important.
I can't speak for the whole panel, but I personally think it's VERY important that you all go to Ask the closeted bisexual guy!" (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23013), read the whole entertaining and enlightening thing, and then post your questions, comments, and (especially) your praise for me.

On second thought, I CAN speak for the panel. They all said that you should go read it. So of course you must. *grin*

2sense

06-25-2000, 05:14 PM

But I am boycotting the answers because of the insidious actions of aha. I admit that I was wrong about his qualifications since he is the ageing rock star, but I insist that he stole my answers! How? I am uncertain. Perhaps aging rock stars have powers of the mind that we normal humans do not. How else do you explain Kieth Richards getting chicks?

I vote that the panel ignore his responses and then I can post my own.

What says the panel?

mangeorge

06-25-2000, 08:12 PM

aha who?
Peace,
mangeorge

carnivorousplant

06-25-2000, 09:32 PM

mangeorge

06-26-2000, 02:03 AM

Well I don't qualify as an expert, so I'll comment on the only truly important question;
5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
Nutella.
Peace,
mangeorge

TwistofFate

06-26-2000, 02:36 AM

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.

Coke. pepsi is a little too sweet.

2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.

pro-choice. After all, just because its available, doesnt mean that the lady is going to take it. I dont believe it is right for me to impose my will upon anyone else, when nothing I can do will affect the outcome.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
42

4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.

"I think that we should have as high regard fgor religion so as to keep it out of as many things as possible"

Sean O'Casey

5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
I dont eat crepes.

6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.

"let them eat cake."

7. My dad vs. your dad.

Who knows?

Olentzero

06-26-2000, 10:08 AM

OK, just got back from visiting Mrs. O's family over the weekend and I missed out on all the original action. Too bad, here I go anyway.

Coke vs. Pepsi. Fruit juices and water. Also Guinness.

Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States. Abortion on demand, no questions asked. Who the hell says you gotta have kids anyway?

Is brown, in fact, the new black? I have a brown work shirt, and two black T-shirts: one with "BOLSHEVIK" on the front, the other with "Abolish the death penalty". I wear the brown shirt on Mondays and the black T-shirts a lot, but only because they say what they do. I don't see many people wearing brown anyway.

Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling. The harder the separation the better.

Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat I eat blini and ravioli. I get the best of both worlds.

Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation. Marry who you love, and you should get the same kind of partner rights as the next spousal combination.

My dad vs. your dad. Go for the feet if you want to take him out. I strongly suspect he'd buckle anyway at the first good shot you gave him, but that's a theory I never got to test out.

Whatever else the panel deems important. I wanna buy up a bunch of Old Navy American Flag T-shirts and burn 'em on the county courthouse steps.

Tymp

06-26-2000, 01:24 PM

Apparently, our brilliant panel of experts cannot be left to their own devices even for a single weekend without running amok. They’ve been chartered with the simple task of saving the world from ignorant misdirection. C’mon, people! We’ve asked you to do one little thing for us. I return Monday morning to find evidence of what appears to be little more than a drunken brawl. Half of the folks passed out on the floor over there don’t even hold seats on the panel!

Now, let’s get down to business. There are some tactical and procedural issues to be addressed.

The panel will recognize as an expert any individual whose qualifying thread meets the guidelines set out in the OP but discourages any candidate from opening a thread that is likely to cause annoyance for a moderator or administrator. Any candidate who does such a thing will be summarily poked in the eye.
The Clerk now extends formal apologies to any qualified expert who has not received an official invitation to join the panel.
The panel will now recognize The Medical Student as one of its own.
The panel will now recognize The British History Geek as one of its own. As an additional note, it has not gone unnoticed by the panel that this member’s qualifying thread was originally posted in MPSIMS and not in Great Debates as stipulated by the OP. This member’s request that The Aging Rock Star’s earlier comments be stricken from the record have been reviewed and denied.
The panel will now recognize The Tall Skinny Lesbian Goth Chick College Student with the Funny Nose as one of its own whether she likes it or not.
The panel will not formally recognize any moderators, administrators, or other divine beings out of fear that they take offense to the insinuation that their participation requires some sort of approval from the likes of us.

Nen

06-26-2000, 02:25 PM

Tymp, aren't you forgetting:

The Culinary School Student (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28711)
The Grammar Harpy (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28432)
Silent Bob (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28701)
The Pro Wrestler (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28771)
The Hindenburg Announcer Guy (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28781]The Intergalactic Muffin[/url]
[url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28738)
The Kiwi Bloke (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28756)
The Canadian (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28683)
The Nudist (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28744)
The Medieval Re-Enactor (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28721)
Fonzie (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28743)
The Felcher (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28739)
Torgo (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28605)
The Kid Who Doesn't Know Much of Anything (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28721)
The Modeler/Projectionist (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28634)
The Hired Killer (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28574)
The Artist (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28555)
The Teenager (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28566)

Tymp

06-26-2000, 03:23 PM

Nen,

Thanks for keeping the record straight. Actually, some of the candidates you have mentioned do not yet qualify as experts according to the OP. Garfield226, The Teenager, has been formally recognized by the panel and has opined expertly in this thread. Also, I have extended invitations to all qualifying experts with the apology in my last post when I said,

The Clerk now extends formal apologies to any qualified expert who has not received an official invitation to join the panel.

Originally, I had intended this to be just a Great Debates thing, thus limiting the number of experts. I now see how my foolishness could easily be interpreted as an invitation to any Tom, Dick, or Harry who has maintained an “Ask the ____” thread anywhere on the SDMB. Rather than correcting this, we’re just going to pretend that I meant it to be this way all along.

Thank you, kind Nen, for pointing out the shortcomings of this thread for which I have already apologized. Your efforts have earned you the right to be summarily poked in the eye.

Nen

06-26-2000, 03:26 PM

Your efforts have earned you the right to be summarily poked in the eye.

Wow, and I didn't even start an "Ask the..." thread. I feel so privileged.

Tymp

06-26-2000, 04:20 PM

Yeah. Sorry about that, Nen. I’ve just been dishing out summary eye pokings left and right. It’s been that kind of day. Be glad that you are the recipient of a virtual eye poking and pity the poor souls who are trapped here in the office with me.

David B

06-26-2000, 10:11 PM

Tymp said:
The panel will not formally recognize any moderators, administrators, or other divine beings out of fear that they take offense to the insinuation that their participation requires some sort of approval from the likes of us. Good choice.

tomndebb

06-26-2000, 10:25 PM

I now see how my foolishness could easily be interpreted as an invitation to any Tom
And I can assure you that if I see fit to honor you with my presence, I shall.

dpr

06-26-2000, 11:25 PM

What!?!?! No Australian representation?

I feel awash and alone now....

And that I can't contribute until I've received an official invitation.

dpr

06-27-2000, 02:11 AM

Oh forget waiting.

I hearby claim membership of the ATEP (Ask the Expert Panel) by stint of my 'Mate, Ask the Aussie' thread. I hope this meets with everyone's approval.

1. Coke vs. Pepsi.
2. Individual freedoms vs. an individual’s social responsibilities for the propagation of the species as they relate to the legal status of abortion procedures in the United States.
3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
4. Church and State: A hard separation vs. a little bit of mingling.
5. Crepes: Fruit vs. Meat
6. Equal marriage rights for same sex couples vs. the preservation of the institution of marriage as a means of procreation.
7. My dad vs. your dad.
8. Whatever else the panel deems important.
Help us, please!

1. Pepsi has less fizz than Coke. Some would say this is a disdvantage. I would not. Pepsi Down Under (and besides which, down here we have a cool marketing name: Pepsi Max (sugar free). How cool is that name? And it works too - they've got guys buying it)

2. I've already commented on this at length when I first came on board. I'll spare youthe repitition.

3. Is brown, in fact, the new black?
No. Brown sucks as a colour. Always has. Always will. The only guy who looks good in brown is Indiana Jones.

4. While the state should always take into account the feelings and views of its populace, the church should remain distinctly seperate from the governing legal body. Look at history and the countless examples of major abuse perpetrated by the church on its constituents. The hypocrisy of organised religion is staggering. Based on past transgressions they should be banned from dabbling in government procedure for Buzz Lightyear (to infinity and beyond).

5. Crepes: meat or fruit
See my dissertions on individual right of expression.

6. The use of the word 'preservation' implies narrowmindedness in itself but one would hope that people would accept marriage for what it is: a public declaration of love for another human being to the extent that you're willing to share legal responsibilities as well as bodily fluids (optional of course). The so-called 'institution of marriage' is already struggling - de facto relationships offer the same rights and in some places more benefits.
On a side note: today's Australian papers have reported a significant point on the subject in this country (Oz). Following recent high court rulings, a constitutional expert claims our constitution would support same-sex marriages pointing to the generalities of the document combined with the anti-discrimination laws in place.

7. My Dad vs Your Dad
Well I wouldn't swap my dad for quids. Highly intelligent, quiet with a scathing dry sense of humour, he may not be able to match yours physically but he'd reduce them to either a lump of tears or a confused state. Tolerant, insightful, passionate, well-read, caring, funny.... he's perfect.

8.Other things to be floated to the panel?
I'd like to put forward: the changing of the social climate form a gender perspective; the possibility of true world peace; the questioning of why people are so selfish; wouldn't it be cool to travel in space; why are so many americans seemingly xenophobic, and; the proposition that insecurities are the root of most of our personal decisions.