how to sweep her off her feet

[realm505]

this sounds lame, but there is this girl that I want hook up with, we hang out and go to clubs. but she is playing a little hard to get, that is mostly because she is shy (so am I). but I really can't think anything to win her over. so in a desperate frame of mind, I'm asking the SDMB community for a little help... O.K. maybe I need a lot of help, but I want to surprise her, not the same old stuff like flowers (she works at a flower shop anyway). But I trust the SDMB for some intrusting ideas (did I just say that?)

so fire away... please.

[SPOOFE]

If you're artistically inclined, draw fifty or so pictures of her. I did that and... uh... got nothing in return... nevermind.

[Commander Fortune]

but there is this girl that I want hook up with, we hang out and go to clubs

"You hang out" Does this mean you have common friends that you may able to draw support from during this endeavor?

Try inviting her to breakfast after a night at the club.

but she is playing a little hard to get, that is mostly because she is shy

Shy is a personality trait, playing "hard to get" is a mind-game. You may want to decide message shes sending. Do you want to hook up with someone who starts off by acting disinterested when she really is, or busy when she's really not?

If you have common friends - solicit their help. It's summer, have a BBQ (or get one of your friends to) - invite her to it.

[DRY]

If you're artistically inclined, draw fifty or so pictures of her. I did that and... uh... got nothing in return... nevermind.


Spoofe--I don't think most ladies like "filthy pictures" drawn of them.

Oh, you said "fifty". Uh...nevermind. :eek:

[iampunha]

As someone who's experienced troubles in this dept, lemme tell you first of all what NOT to do.

If she says she wants to be friends, leave it the hell at that and don't go asking for more.

If you send her something in the mail and she asks you not to do so, don't do so. I did this with one female and haven't heard from her in . . . Lordy, I don't even know.

Find out who she likes from a mutual friend. She'll probably ask this friend ("lucy") who asked Lucy to ask her, in which case even if she does like you she probably won't tell "Lucy." This you do if for no other reason than to find out who else she likes.

Just hang out with her. If you're feeling particularly brave one night, ask her to dance or go out for a walk or something.

As I haven't had much success in this area either, that's about all I can tell you.

[Mr. Cynical]

The good folks who write MAXIM and STUFF magazines say:

Make her see you in your element. When you're at your absolute best, not trying to impress her, you will.

Or, make a slight change to your hair, wardrobe, anything.

Then, there's always the "wait a second, you've got something on your face" trick. :D Not that I've ever consciously DONE any of these things.

[handy]

'there is this girl that I want hook up with, we hang out and go to clubs. but she
is playing a little hard to get, that is mostly because she is shy (so am I).'

Boy, I must be old as the new vocabulary has got me confused. For me, you would have this girl if you already take her to Clubs. So, how about that old Odgen Nash poem:
candy is dandy,
but liquor is quicker.


Believe me dude, all them girls require their own plans, specifically done just for the girl & well, we don't know much about her.

[ruadh]

Hmmm, well, I'm in exactly the same boat, except I'm the shy girl and he's the shy guy. There are a few other complications that need not be gone into and I have basically decided the only thing that is going to hook us up is ... alcohol. Lots of it. Good luck.

[untateve]

You don't need a game, or a scheme, or a plan. What you need is confidence and that's something will comes with practice and being able to believe in yourself and seeing the good things in yourself.

The truth is, women like confidence (not cockiness). Go up to her and tell her that you like her and you want to get to know her better. Would you like to go to dinner? If she shoots you down, you're no worse off than you were before. In fact, you'll be better off either way. Even if she shoots you down, you'll feel good about yourself for trying. In addition, you'll realize that a rejection of this type doesn't sting too long.

And it's okay when you go for it to feel a little anxiety/excitement. That just means you care about what you are going after.

[Sealemon88]

Do something nice, but a little unexpected. You go to clubs all the time: how would she feel about some stand up comedy, or shooting pool, or dinner? The breakfast idea is excellent: Just ask her after a night at the club.

you don't want corny, but you want to sweep gher off her feet? Often, corny is the way to go. just do something a little bit unexpected (A nice email for example). Surprise her. Be sincere. I can't stress that enough. If you don't believe in what you're doing, how will she?

I'll stop before I ramble anymore.

[HomeSlice]

Take her on a picnic. Girls love picnics.

[Sealemon88]

Or the park, or for a hike, or the beach.

Take her to a bookstore/coffee place.

Take her to a live concert.

Anywhere that the two of you haven't already hung around at.

[Medea's Child]

Why all the tension? Have you told her you like her? Loosen up! This is supposed to be fun, not an ordeal.

My advice: Stop being shy.

And girls do love picnics.

[Max Torque]

When you make your play, if she gives you the "let's just be friends" line, say that that's fine, and start focusing your attention on other women, especially while in her presence. She'll start to question what's wrong with herself such that you could so easily dismiss her and start making plays for you, just to reassure herself.

Women are intrigued by indifference.


(ooo, the nasty responses I'm gonna get for this one...)

[LouisB]

There are three things you have to say well enough to make her believe you:

1.0 You really light up a room.

2.0 I never felt this way before.

3.0 You are not like other women.

Not necessarily in those words or in that order but if you believe what you say and say it with sincerity, you are 90% home.

[ruadh]

Erm, skip #2. There's no way to say that at the beginning of a relationship without sounding like either a liar or a psycho.

[DougC]

- - - "Sweeping her off her feet" is generally classed under the definition of "adventure dates". Adventure dates work best early-on; girls tend to tire of them before guys do. Also, adventure dates usually only qualify if it's something she hasn't done before: you're taking [/i]her[/i] out, not the other way 'round. On these types of dates, you don't watch; you do. You don't have to be an expert at whatever you're doing, but avoid anything real strenuous or dangerous (rock-climbing is bad) and if you're new at it also, say so beforehand. Always get her a souvenir; make sure she takes something nice home with her (besides you). - And resolve yourself to the fact that adventure dates cost Money.
- The greatest idea I have ever heard of for a date is a balloon ride. The problem is, the pal o' mine who pulled that one off has his own license, so he didn't need to have the pilot along. It isn't cheap (several hundred dollars), and there ain't a lot of room for hanky-panky at altitude (particularly if the piot is a third person) and it isn't possible to do everywhere, but it's tough to beat if you can put it all together. -And he married her some time afterwards- (what a tragic waste of a great hook!). I think it was more than the balloon ride so that's not any guarantee, but anyway.
- Around where I am, horseback riding rates pretty highly also, assuming the girl never gets to do it otherwise. Girls tend to like horses - I'm not sure why, but it's true. In most places horseback riding is pretty cheap, if you go for a guided trail ride. Generally you don't really have to know how to ride; you just sit there and the horse will walk around the trail all by itself if you leave your hands off the controls. Buying her a cowboy hat for the occasion is a nice souvenir that isn't too expensive, either -she'll keep it even if she never wears it again, unless the date goes really bad. Places where you can take a horse and roam are nicer but more expensive, you have to know how to ride, and they patrol the place to make sure you're not running or otherwise abusing the horses.
- Boating may also be another option, depending on your locale. Renting a cabin-cruiser can cost several hundred dollars per day, but small Hobie-cats are only $~25/hr (around where I live) and not too difficult to handle, assuming that you can sail somewhat. Be warned: before taking her out on a sailboat, learn to sail yourself at least moderately well, or you won't get away from the dock (or won't be able to get back).
- That all said, there's not much you can do to make someone like you. She might go and have a great time, but still not want to do anything else with you. In that case, the best thing to do is suck it up like an adult, because it isn't a total waste; you'll still have had a good time and she will tell all her friends about you. Remember: they always tell their friends. - MC

[LouisB]

Erm, skip #2. There's no way to say that at the beginning of a relationship without sounding like either a liar or a psycho.


Well, of course you don't say them all at the same time or even within a week---I took it for granted someone would know enough to space them out and say them when it seemed appropriate------otherwise, you might as well write them on an index card and just give it to her.

And besides, some girls like lying physcos.

[handy]

realm505, perhaps you should post about how to get out of the friendship zone with a woman. Boy, once you are there its very tricky!

[realm505]

Well, this is how it has gone so far, I asked a friend of hers and she is intrested in me. so I figure I might give the picnic Idea a shot, I live nearby a park with trees to shade off the sun. and outside activities are a bit limited due to the Texas sun. so many activties can't be done in the middle of summer. but I think the picnic will do for now.

BTW, Handy, I am afflicted with "Best Friend Syndrome," four times it has happened to me.

[toecutter]

'Best friend syndrome'? Been there, done that. My advice on that? Honest? Here goes.

Be the best dammn friend that girl can have - bar none. Show her what she could have but now can't. It can't just be an act - it has to be real.

Remember, don't get pissed, don't get upset, don't do anything stupid. Just be really really really nice. Like I said, be the bestest friend a gal could have. Offer to set her up with your best friends or someone she likes, carry her books, cook her dinner, anything but 'THAT'. It really drives them nuts trying to figgure it out.

Listen to Max Torque. And remember ... Livin' well is the best revenge. I talked to all my women friends and they all agree that this is a dumb idea. So, er, it must be good.

Yeah, I know I'm sick. Man's gotta have a hobby.

[argyle87]

Next time you see her, get a little shitty in advance. You don't need to get totally plastered, but a drink or too will loosen you up and boost your confidence considerably. Nearly every time I get drunk and there are ladies around I get a little action, even if the girls are cold sober, simply because I'm drunk and I can just be myself and not care. If this girl already has a friendly relationship with you and she is interested in you, all you have to do is go and take it. What's the worst thing that can happen?

[Monster104]

Don't have any advice for you, I need it myself. You don't want to know what my score is so far, it's pretty pathetic.

[untateve]

realm,
I respectfully disagree with many of the responses posted. If the spark is there, it's there. If it's not, it's not. Playing games is, IMO, a waste of time. That's not to say that if she says 'yes' to a date, you don't go all out, but that's because you like her. Just talk to her in a simple and direct manner. As you can see in the dating world, that doesn't happen too much. Ask yourself this, how would you feel if she came up to you and said something like, "We've known each other for awhile now and I've grown to really like you. I think there's a chance this relationship could develop into something more. I'd really like to take you out to dinner."

If someone whom you were interested came up to you and said that with honesty, your feet would be officially swept.

Do NOT use alcohol to create a false sense of confidence or to be "yourself". The only thing you teach yourself then is that 'I have to drink to be myself. I have to drink to talk to a woman. What is wrong with me that I have to drink to be myself?'

When you are direct and honest with the "right" woman, you will sweep her off her feet.

[Scylla]

I first met my wife in a social situation, and was having trouble moving it up a level.

Finally I just had to do something.

At a party, I caught her eye across the room, and very slowly and deliberately I gestured with my finger for her to come over. As she came towards me I kept eye contact and slowly backed up into a secluded alcove.

She stopped about arms distance away, and smiling I again gestured. She took another step forward, and very slowly I leaned down and kissed her.

[ultress]

Does it seem strange that most of the advice that has been given on this thread is from males?

You cannot use generalization. All women are not the same just as all men are not the same. A picnic? Don't even suggest that to me. But the next lady might love it.

You are already her friend. You should have an idea of what her likes and dislikes are. Invite her to something that you already know she likes. The breakfast idea was good. If you say that she is shy, she may not want to eat in front of you. Believe it or not guys this is a big deal. Talking to my friends, and speaking for myself, women just are not comfortable eating around men until a relationship has been established.

You don't want to do the flower thing, how about a small stuffed animal?

Lots of things that can be done that are different. The more you use your imagination, the better chance you will have of convincing her you are interested in her.

Alcohol? Forget it. If that's how you have to win your lady, something is definitely wrong somewhere.

[barton]

Quick story that may be enlightening -

The first date I had with my SO was blind and very... neutral. Both of us were guarded. We went to lunch on a weekend and then went shopping. It ended in a short hug and me feeling like I should have been a bit bolder.

So I sent her an email - not a phone call - and told her I'd had a good time, I liked her company, and I thought she was cute.

The next time I saw her she was, ahem, estastic to see me, and mentioned she wouldn't have seen me again save for that little email which had completely charmed her.

I guess it helps to be a writer sometimes. ;)

[handy]

Ive been involved with so many women that I have come to the conclusion that its far easier to go from friendship to having sex with friends than it is to go from a sexual relationship to friendship. Are there any women with a lot of guy relationship experience who can give a woman's side to these?

[SaxFace]

Geez, this is weird - I could have written something similar to the OP a month ago.

There was a man I really like(d) and we hung/hang out about twice a week. We get along very well, neither of us is shy, and yet nothing happened for about 5 long months.

Until Friday.

Blame it on A LOT of Jagermeister and having a conversation about sex. ruadh has the right idea - alcohol was the trick, apparently. We both lost any doubts we may have had and presto... not getting into it.

In my opinion, the best part of a relationship is the excitement of getting to know someone cool and the anticipation of what's to come and the sexual tension that puts butterflys in your stomach. Because what sucks now (in my case) is that now our friendship (or more than friendship - don't know yet) is going to be different no matter what.

Enjoy this pre-sexual part! The inevitable will happen when the time is right.

[labdude]

I agree with most of the advice above.

Take her to a place where you ususally don't go as friends.
Bring a small inexpensive present like flowers, candy, or a stuffed bear.
Don't forget the breath mints.
Iron your clothes.
Get a haircut.
Wear nice shoes. Do not wear those dirty tennis shoes you wear everyday.

About alcohol. Be careful. If you are a young inexperienced drinked you can quickly go from "feeling good" to "needing to puke." I quit drinking myself. I don't have an alcohol problem, but even 1 or 2 drink will give me a bad hangover.

[Motorgirl]

Ive been involved with so many women that I have come to the conclusion that its far easier to go from friendship to having sex with friends than it is to go from a sexual relationship to friendship. Are there any women with a lot of guy relationship experience who can give a woman's side to these?


I have had 2 very good male friends in my life that I would have considered dating. I already knew we got along swimmingly, I had gotten a chance to get to know them as friends, we had great friendships, and there was a definite sexual spark between us. When the guy decided he wanted to move things forward, into the dating arena, I declined twice and accepted once.

For the one that I did date, when the relationship was over, it broke my heart. I not only lost a boyfriend, I lost a best friend, since we had been such good friends beforehand.

For the other one, I declined the invitation because I knew what would happen if we broke up... I would lose him altogether. I am still very good friends with him, though he never hangs out with me when he has a girlfriend, only when he's single.

Does that help anyone?

Some more thoughts:

I'm often physically attracted to a guy a short time
after we become friends (a short time being anywhere from a few weeks to a year) Why? Because when I find out I like a guy's sense of humor, outlook on life, intelligence, etc, enough to be really good friends with him, he becomes physically attaractive.

That phase is short-lived, however, and if it is not acted on, he passes into the permanent friend category. Someone I just don't think of "that way." I've never had a guy work his way out of that category.

This only applies to close freinds, however. My experience with dating casual friends is much different.
I find it's very easy to pass from casual friends to friends who have sex and back again if there is a enough beer around. :D

[Sophocles]

As above with the confidence thing. And eye contact. Lots and lots of eye contact. Just don't be creepy and try to laugh.

Oh, if she likes you already well, just get her alone and ask her if you can kiss her. Never failed for me.


As for friend-zone... Yes it can be changed, but only if you drastically change the dynamic of the relationship; that is change where you hang out all the time, and change the way you interact with her.
Confidence in yourself (and nice clothes) are all that you need.

[Brunetter]

I first met my wife in a social situation, and was having trouble moving it up a level.

Finally I just had to do something.

At a party, I caught her eye across the room, and very slowly and deliberately I gestured with my finger for her to come over. As she came towards me I kept eye contact and slowly backed up into a secluded alcove.

She stopped about arms distance away, and smiling I again gestured. She took another step forward, and very slowly I leaned down and kissed her.


Oooo ... I got shivers reading this ... I think this is very romantic and sweet! Way to go Scylla.

By the way Realm, I was going to suggest a campfire in the evening, especially if you have a group of friends, maybe one of them has a guitar, go set up a campfire on the beach, this is loaded with romantic possibilities. Here's one that "worked" on me:
Campfire at beach with group of friends, this guy and I wander off to go for a walk by ourselves. The stars are just coming out. He very obviously makes a wish on a star ... prompting me to ask what the wish was. After a bit, he told me he was wishing I would be his girlfriend before the end of the night. His wish came true!!

[soulsling]

how heavy is she? a shovel might do, or a broom and a large dustpan. a bulldozer if you can get your hands on one.

personally, i would just talk to her and tell her how i feel, but keeping it to a minimal amount of panting and drooling if possible, she might otherwise be scared away. I'd prefer it if she lifted herself off her own feet and just floated along beside me :D

[realm505]

well, It just came down to something as simple as talking on the phone. I called her on the phone, but she was busy looking after her sis. but we just talked for a while.
I guess that did it. No Romantic setting, which I guess is better, so she dosn't feel pressured or anyhting, she was intrested in me because of me, not because of where we were. I like having that, an easy going relationship.
thanks for the advise.

[soulsling]

see that, and no need for heavy equipment. good job guy!

[sailor]

>> and very slowly and deliberately I gestured with my finger for her to come over

I had a friend who used to do this. With his index finger he'd motion a woman to come over and when she did he's just look at her. She'd ask "what do you want?" and he'd say:

"I just wanted to see if I could make you come with my finger" :)

[handy]

"I guess that did it. No Romantic setting, which I guess is better, so she dosn't feel pressured or
anyhting, she was intrested in me because of me, not because of where we were. I like having that, an
easy going relationship.
thanks for the advise."


I'm a bit confused by that answer. You were already friends & from this answer, it seems you still are, right?

BTW: How would you know when you 'got her?'

[Koffing]

well, It just came down to something as simple as talking on the phone. I called her on the phone, but she was busy looking after her sis. but we just talked for a while.
I guess that did it. No Romantic setting, which I guess is better, so she dosn't feel pressured or anyhting, she was intrested in me because of me, not because of where we were. I like having that, an easy going relationship.
thanks for the advise.

Yay!