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pkbites
11-12-2004, 08:46 PM
What is the deal with those "adult movies" on Cinemax? They're really quite strange. They're not really porno, but they're beyond "R" rated. Are these people really having sex (like"real" porn) or is it staged. Are these edited versions of real porn, or, as I suspect, did someone actually set out to make a dull nudie movie?
And whos getting off on this stuff? If you've ever seen a true skin flick you understand how boring these things are. I've zipped through a few on fast forward using my digital cables "On Demand" channel. Some of these would have bored me when I was 12! Anyone know the straight dope on these?

Blackacre
11-12-2004, 08:54 PM
All of the above suppositions exist, my dear, on Cinemax and elsewhere. Celebrate it! Plus a lot more involving animals, etc. =D

Cheers!
BA

pkbites
11-12-2004, 09:02 PM
All of the above suppositions exist, my dear, on Cinemax and elsewhere. Celebrate it! Plus a lot more involving animals, etc. =D
Cheers!
BA


:confused: Um.......okay.:p

Blackacre
11-12-2004, 09:06 PM
Welp, if you can imagine anything, it has been filmed and is available on the internet, at least. Let me refer you to everything you have always wondered about porn (http://www.rame.net/) for other, generic, odds and ends. =D

Cheers!
BA

TonyF
11-12-2004, 09:08 PM
These are tons of fun! Shoddy production values... not-quite-explicit sex... bad scripts...

Wait. This is worse than bad porno.

Anyhow, some of these are actually people having sex - they just cut out the explicit parts and distribute it at different levels- but a number of them are pure acting. How do you tell? Well, these aren't the best performers - occasionally you'll see more than they intended, so you might catch a glimpse of what is clearly not penetration. The usual technique is to have the guy behind the girl, or a leg just obscuring the details, or simply the woman covering up with her hand. Besides that, their positions and movements don't really jive.

I suspect they exist because they get tremendous ratings - I wish I had a cite. But everyone knows about these... wow else do you get a nickname like "skin-emax"?

whistlepig
11-12-2004, 09:40 PM
Obviously, you haven't seen 'Lord of the G-string".

The "Throbbits" are hot!


No, I'm serious about both.

Superdude
11-12-2004, 09:46 PM
I can vouch, as I've started a thread about that very film, whistlepig:

Here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251726)

Exapno Mapcase
11-12-2004, 10:40 PM
The Bare Wench Project was the biggest hoot* since Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

Almost as funny as the comments from IMDb:
No other film in the history of cinema can compare to The Bare Wench project. From an adapted screenplay, director Jim Wynorski creates a movie of such sweeping scope, archetypal passion and shimmering effervescent imagination that it makes The Godfather seem like a high school film project shot by a blind lemur with Parkinson's disease. The dramatic tension builds incrementally from the playful motel room pillow fight, thru the relentless skinny-dipping, toward the epiphanic appearance of the Bare Wench, played with prostate shattering intensity by Julie Strain. In a masterful exhibition of flawless editing, the camp fire dancing girls appear as animated stick puppets projected against the wall of a two dollar peep show framed within the karmic residue of a reprobate's hallucinations.

Top that, Spielberg.


*and had the largest hooters

Chairman Pow
11-12-2004, 10:52 PM
Well, I beleive that the intended audience is precisely your former demographic: kids who are home when mom and dad are out. Or people who want to watch porn but don't want to have the stigma of paying for a straight up porn channel (mostly the dads who don't want the wifey to know he's jerking off).

Jplacer
11-12-2004, 11:05 PM
When I was a kid, I used to love the Friday Night After Dark movies on Showtime and Cinemax.

As a 12-year old kid, they were great. The movies have changed though. Before (late 1980s) they would show older 70s soft-core porn like Emmanuel in Bangkok and Lady Chatterley's Lover.

In the 90s, it switched to Shannon Tweed movies like Indecent Behavior and Body Chemisty 4.

Lamia
11-12-2004, 11:06 PM
I can vouch, as I've started a thread about that very film, whistlepig:

Here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251726)I don't want to bump your old thread, so I'm posting here instead. Now, I am not a porn watcher so maybe I'm missing something, but why the heck would someone name a porn character "Dildo Saggins"? I'd think "sag" would be one of the last things you'd want viewers to associate with your skin-flick leading lady.

I'd have made her last name "Big'uns", like Al Bundy's favorite magazine.

caligynephobia
11-12-2004, 11:37 PM
Hey, it's on right now.

I believe this stuff is what Bill Hicks referred to as "the hairy bobbin' man-ass we know and love."

Ephemera
11-12-2004, 11:43 PM
I used to love softcore porn as a teen and for the longest time, I didn't realize the stuff I was watching wasn't the real kind. I was eighteen or nineteen when I saw my first porn with explicit penetration and I remember being totally unprepared and more than a little shocked by it.

After six years of rare genital shots and mostly nothing more than a man kissing a woman's breasts, it comes as a bit of a startling revelation.

I now prefer Asia Carrera to Shannon Tweed although, if bored, and having nothing better to do, I'll still watch some of the latter's work.

Blackacre
11-12-2004, 11:45 PM
Well, Deliverance. That was an eye opener for me.

BA

divemaster
11-12-2004, 11:48 PM
When I was a kid, I used to love the Friday Night After Dark movies on Showtime and Cinemax.

As a 12-year old kid, they were great. The movies have changed though. Before (late 1980s) they would show older 70s soft-core porn like Emmanuel in Bangkok and Lady Chatterley's Lover.

In the 90s, it switched to Shannon Tweed movies like Indecent Behavior and Body Chemisty 4.Oh yeah. "Cinemax After Dark." I liked spending the summers with my Dad b/c he had cable (incl. Cinemax). Several other good ones were "Bilitis," "Young Lady Chatterley," and "Emily." The first and second "Emmanuelle" movies were good and erotic as well.

I'm not sure what I would think of the movies on Cinemax these days; I only get the basic cable and haven't seen Cinemax for, oh, about 15 or so years now.

Much of the time these days I'd rather watch a good erotic soft core film than a skin flick. That's why I'm happy to have discovered Hong Kong Category III films! (e.g., the "Sex and Zen" series; "Erotic Ghost Story" series; many others)

Guinastasia
11-13-2004, 12:25 AM
I don't want to bump your old thread, so I'm posting here instead. Now, I am not a porn watcher so maybe I'm missing something, but why the heck would someone name a porn character "Dildo Saggins"? I'd think "sag" would be one of the last things you'd want viewers to associate with your skin-flick leading lady.

I'd have made her last name "Big'uns", like Al Bundy's favorite magazine.


I think Dildo was a male, but I could be wrong. (Just guessing, since he's based on Frodo). Personally, I think Spam sounds even worse.

The part of the movie I saw had the Gandalf knockoff spending time with the Lothlesbians, which consisted of a bunch of topless girls half-heartedly dancing on top of picnic tables in the middle of the woods.

Anamorphic
11-13-2004, 12:28 AM
When I was a kid, I used to love the Friday Night After Dark movies on Showtime and Cinemax.

As a 12-year old kid, they were great. The movies have changed though. Before (late 1980s) they would show older 70s soft-core porn like Emmanuel in Bangkok and Lady Chatterley's Lover.

In the 90s, it switched to Shannon Tweed movies like Indecent Behavior and Body Chemisty 4.Hear, hear. I loved the European softcore films they used to show years ago; they were actually very sexy. Beautiful women, too.

But I have to say, Indecent Behavior will always hold a special place in my heart, as it was my very first screen credit. I worked on it for a day as a production assistant, and received a credit. Often, day-players don't get credits, but I ended up with one. I also worked on Indecent Behavior 2, again for just a day (as an art assistant on that one) but I don't think I got a credit for that one. So screw 'em.

pkbites
11-13-2004, 12:58 AM
I guess many of you are too young too remember SelecTV (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=276843). This was on around here about 1978 or so, when I was in my late teens.
They had REAL porn vids (Little Girl's Blue, 8 to 4, Debbie Does Dallas, etc.) they just cut out the "money shot".

DMark
11-13-2004, 01:05 AM
Years ago in NYC they used to have some really strange shows on cable after midnight...and you would see a lot more than on Cinemax.

I got a free 2 month trial of Cinemax and had them shut it off after 4 weeks. Taped a grand total of one movie and glanced at that pathetic soft porn - "soft" being a very apt adjective for any male viewer.

I agree...I can't even imagine a 12 year old kid getting off on that crap. He would be better served, so to speak, watching any of the reality shows on Fox.

whistlepig
11-13-2004, 09:35 AM
I think Dildo was a male, but I could be wrong. (Just guessing, since he's based on Frodo). Personally, I think Spam sounds even worse.

The part of the movie I saw had the Gandalf knockoff spending time with the Lothlesbians, which consisted of a bunch of topless girls half-heartedly dancing on top of picnic tables in the middle of the woods.

Yeah, you were wrong. Dildo Saggins is a female. They couldn't have called her "Bigguns" because they would have had to cast a different actress.

Gandalf = Smirnoff. He was always drunk and had the best lines in the movie, none of which seem all that funny out of context.

It's just a good bad movie, but with a lot of lesbian makeout scenes.

Whistlepig

Zsofia
11-13-2004, 11:42 AM
Maybe once a year my friends and I will get good and drunk off cheap pink wine and have a hell of a good time watching whatever's on Skinemax - we love to play "spot the implant scar" and "guess that 'plot' development". I admit, in the course of this we've seen one or two that are actually not bad - I can't remember any titles, but every so often they do something along the lines of a crappy R-rated movie that just shows a little more in the sex scenes - it's not a turn-on, but it's something I might watch if I couldn't sleep - head and shoulders above most of that crap.

Oh, and nothing, yet nothing, is funnier than Red Shoe Diaries after most of a bottle of white zin. Hee hee!

Wolfian
11-13-2004, 10:19 PM
Lord of the G-String. I can't believe other people have seen that train wreck. Hilarous.

Sorry to hijack your thread, mister.

friedo
11-14-2004, 12:12 AM
They had REAL porn vids (Little Girl's Blue, 8 to 4, Debbie Does Dallas, etc.) they just cut out the "money shot".

They cut the money shot on PPV cable porn too. I always wondered why they did that.

pkbites
11-14-2004, 01:30 AM
They cut the money shot on PPV cable porn too. I always wondered why they did that.

That's actually a decent question in and of itself. Many PPV porn flicks show absolutely everything, including erect penis, clitoris, insertion, etc., then cut out the finale. I wonder what gives with that.

pepperlandgirl
11-14-2004, 01:35 AM
Nothing, nothing, can be as mind-numbingly terrifying, as horrifying, as disgusting as Playmate of the Apes. Nothing.

We tend to put the HBO movies on in the background on Friday nights when we're on the computers or whatever. This stopped when one day I looked up and said "Hey, we've seen this already." And Jaime responded. "No, I don't think so." And then I spent 5 minutes describing the "plot" until he remembered.

It was just too sad all around.

pkbites
11-14-2004, 01:38 AM
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Last night I did a "fast forward" preview of a flick called SPIDER BABE (http://www.cultcuts.net/reviewsmovies/s/spiderbabe.htm) I almost busted a nut laughing!:p:p:p:p:p:p
Did you notice a lot of those Cinemax sorto-pornos star Misty Mundae. Wouldn't these people make more money in real porn?