Tis the season to pit yourself.

[Shirley Ujest]

I would like to pit myself for a variety of things, but not limited too:


For doping and farking most of my free time away instead of doing something like getting on the treadmill or something useful like saving the masterbating gay baby whales.
For failure to win a big lottery jackpot. It is clear that I am not trying hard enough
For not buying my son the Xbox and Playstation2 he wants to turn his brain to mush with. I am a bad, bad, evil mommy.
For driving 35 south to go to a craft store to buy one thing that cost twenty five cents. I blew a quarter tank of gas to get there. And actually, I am really glad I did go. It was cool and I have a new need to go there. And often.
I pit myself for being so weak around craft stores.
I pit my banana bread recipe.
I pit my coffee dependancy.
I pit my bowling average of 106.
I pit my sinuses.
I pit my inability to become a member of SDMB Elite Inner Circle. How many goats do I have to felch?
I pit my threadkilling skills and ability to start a thread that is so dull it could make wet concrete look like girl on girl Mexican Pron.

[35340]

spending too much time online
screwing up like $5 worth of crayons last night
letting my PHPBB get wormed
not saving more for taxes
not finding a way to have our purchase contract broken on the house so we could take the guy who offered full list price, cash
not having the washer and dryer put in the garage instead of the pantry
not getting the shower door widened in addition to handicapped rails
ever buying furniture from someone other than my aunt
not switching to Sprint cell phone service and running up 2000+ min at 45¢
not kicking Bell South in the Nuts for managing to be incapable of phone service for a month

[TellMeI'mNotCrazy]

All I can say is, if you're not part of the "inner circle" Shirley, then I want no part of it.

You're welcome to my circle, although it's actually a rhombus, and one of the sides is starting to sag, and, well, it's only me. :dubious:

[5que]

Why Yes, I'd like whine with my birthday....


I'm 49 on Saturday
Yeah, on Christmas Day
Yeah, I've been ripped off on "combination" presents my entire life
I just got bifocals, so I'm getting fucking old
At least they're progressive lenses
Though I'm sick to my stomach because I haven't gotten use to them yet
I'm 34% body fat
THIRTY-FOUR FUCKING PERCENT!
And I have a personal trainer certification
So WTF am I doing at THIRTY-FOUR FUCKING PERCENT BODY FAT??
Man, do I suck

[Anaamika]

I participated in the "good" or "naughty" thread, and wrote down a bunch of good things that I did there, so I should put the bad things here. So, here goes:


I pit myself for getting addicted to this SDMB and spending too much time here. I will definitely be better next year.
I pit myself for not saving more money, when I could have.
I pit myself for any and all impulse buys this year.
I pit my damn allergies, damn them.
I pit myself for not going to the regular doctor this year.
I don't pit myself for my coffee dependency, but mauybe, just maybe, I could tone it down a bit.

(There ya go!--Veb)

[Anaamika]

Ah, fuck. Forgot to close out the list. :smack: If there is a mod around who would take pity on me, could you make it so I wouldn't have to be embarased?

[5que]

Ah, fuck. Forgot to close out the list. :smack:
Pit yourself for not using preview post!!

[cards]

I would like to pit myself for a variety of things, but not limited too:


I pit my inability to become a member of SDMB Elite Inner Circle. How many goats do I have to felch?




All of us other 99ers got the inside dope when Cecil stopped by our homes. Were you out?

[Anaamika]

Pit yourself for not using preview post!!

:recites:
I pit myself for not using preview.

Damn!

[Athena]

All of us other 99ers got the inside dope when Cecil stopped by our homes. Were you out?

Yeah, doing a search on 99ers reveals that we are, indeed, an elite inner circle. And I didn't even know until I read this thread! (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289562&highlight=99ers)

[elucidator]

My crippling burden of humility.

[Tracy Lord]

I pit myself for being smart but lazy.

[MrFantsyPants]

oh, oh, can I play?

I pit myself for: Not getting enough exercise. Avoiding the dentist too much out of irrational fear. Being a bit of a waffling wimp when it comes to negotiating business contracts. Spending too much time on the computer when I should be doing housework and other mundane crap.

[Jayn_Newell]

For not buying my son the Xbox and Playstation2 he wants to turn his brain to mush with. I am a bad, bad, evil mommy.

Yes, yes you are. I can understand not buying him an X-box, but the PS2 is a necessity.

As for me:


I pit myself for spending too much money in September and October. I shouldn't be dead broke for another month.
While we're at it, why didn't I do a job search in September? Oh well, it's almost a new year, and a new start, although I'll still be broke
I should never have ordered that stick of RAM. $180 for it. And now I have to send it BACK (another $30 for shipping) because it doesn't work. Meanwhile, my computer is still too slow for my liking, and I'm broke.
I was an idiot for opening that e-mail attachment. I knew there was probably a virus, and still opened it. D'oh!
Instead of a webcam and microphone, I should have asked for an external harddrive for Christmas. It would be more useful, and I'll never afford one on my own at this rate.
I didn't study hard enough this semester. Now I have to work harder next semester to keep my GPA up.
Did I mention I pit myself for allowing myself to become this broke? Especially when I'd love to go to Toronto or Boston this spring, and need money for that?

[elucidator]

I pit myself for being smart but lazy.

You have to be smart to be lazy.

[CanvasShoes]

I didn't put up ONE single decoration.
My apt. looks like a frathouse of crack addicts used it as a crashpad, since I've been working practically non-stop for the last three weeks.
I haven't taken my dog to the dogpark to play frisbee since it snowed. SHAME, SHAME on me for being such a wimp.
I spend WAY too much time on the dope, and ebay.
I have been terrible at remembering to drink enough water, which, with my ailment, leads to severe stomachaches, which are my OWN stupid fault.
Then, I compound the "not enough water" stomachache with eating chocolate, which I'm supposed to avoid, what a marroooon I am!

[Anaamika]

(There ya go!--Veb)

Thanks a bunch!

[Shirley Ujest]

I pit myself for Surfing The Dope too much instead of reading the piles of books I have laying in my room.
I pit the fact that after I eat my veggie-curry-beef soup, I have rancid farts.

[Lobsang]

For not buying my son the Xbox and Playstation2 he wants to turn his brain to mush with. I am a bad, bad, evil mommy.


Computer consoles don't turn brains to mush, reality TV does. Guve him the console and he will watch less tv! Do it!


I put myself because I don't know who else to blame for today seeming like the rest of yesterday. My last day before crimbo and itttt''ssssss goooooiiiinnnnnngggggggggggggg tttttoooooooooooooooooooo ddddrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag

For not buying myself any dinner before work and then noedihnbqap9eurb

For not owning a kitten.

[Lobsang]

Oh and next to me is a large tin of terry's chocolate orange segsations. I haven't got a sweet tooth, just looking at the thing is making me naseus.

[calm kiwi]

I pit myself for Surfing The Dope too much instead of reading the piles of books I have laying in my room.
I pit the fact that after I eat my veggie-curry-beef soup, I have rancid farts.


I pit your rancid farts and am pleased I can't smell them.

I pit myself for buying the child brain destroying games (though I kinda want to play Sponge Bob on gameboy :D). I also encouraged grandparents to destroy his brain. Oh bad bad me.

Well I didn't want you to feel alone Shirley :)

Oh and on preview.........I hate Lobsang cause he has a Terry's choccy orange and I don't!

[Shirley Ujest]

I pit Lobsang because he has chocolate and no kitten. :)

[calm kiwi]

Not just choccy! Yerry's choccy orange! I don't even like choccy but YUMMMMMMMMM that is good stuff!

Chocolate dipped kittens are not as yum ;)

[Lobsang]

If there was a way of sending chocolate through the internet...

If there was a way of sending kittens through the internet...

[calm kiwi]

So Terry's for me and chocolate dipped kittens for Shirley.....sounds like a good deal to me :)

[elucidator]

How perfectly typical of the weak-kneed English, with their utter lack of personal responsibility and the entreprenuerial spirit. Were you American, you would hustle right over to Lobsang's house, crack him smartly about the head, and then you would have those orange choccys!

[calm kiwi]

Yeah but then I would have to say happy holdays :D Though I dooooo feel like mugging Losang! That is seriously yummy choccy!

[Lobsang]

Hey, I'd hand the chocy over, don't hurt me, and here's a Flake Pralene bar too.

[calm kiwi]

It's all about the Terry's orange! You can keep the rest........maybe I just hurt the one knee-cap. :D

[Shirley Ujest]

Mugging Lobsang.

Sounds like a Broadway comedy.

[Annie-Xmas]

I pit myself for turning 50 on Saturday. What do I have to show for 1/2 century of living. A crappy job, a two room apartment, and about 1,000 books and CDS.

I pit myself for spending too much money on Broadway.

I pit myself for losing my control over my appetite the past two years. I tells you, menopause is a BITCH.

I pit menopause.

I pit myself for never learning a foreign language, how to play a musical instrucment, or for travelling anywhere but to NYC.

[elucidator]

I pit myself for turning 50 on Saturday. What do I have to show for 1/2 century of living.....

The happy fact that there are those who wish you 50 more.

[tnetennba]

This is a rather bleak Christmas tradition. Ok, I put myself for being a right bastard at times, especially when I'm not getting enough sleep, and for waiting so long to go to the doctor about acid reflux, especially when the prilosec has made me feel much better. Oh, and I pit myself for backing out of the garage in a hurry and ripping off the passenger side mirror, and I pit myself for being such a dick over The White Stripes issue on this board.

On the other hand, it's been been a pretty good year. So Merry Goddamned Christmas, and God Bless Us, Every Goddamned One Of Us.

[stretch]

For:

Inheriting being susceptible to periodontal disease from my dad.
Not flossing more and grinding my teeth so I had to get new ones.
Getting five teeth pulled 10 days before the holiday. What was I thinking?
Breaking a tooth off my new partial plate one week later.
Breaking another tooth off my new plate right after I got it fixed.
Not wearing my new teeth because I'm afraid I'll break them again and my dentist is on vacation until January 3.

I detect a theme there.

Also for:


Buying Vronica, the project car, for mr.stretch.
Letting mr.stretch spend so much money on Vronica.
Letting mr.stretch convince me to do the interior on Vronica, which took so much time and caused most of this:
Putting off shopping for the out-of-town kids until the after Christmas sales.
Buying the kids stuff when they decide to show up for Christmas after all. I should have made them wait!
Forgetting to buy stocking stuffers for the new grandbaby--what the hell do you get for a 15 week old baby for his stocking?
Not sending out Christmas cards until four days before Christmas.

[Bippy the Beardless]

I pit myself for screwing up a silly geeky joke in the doper's 12 days of Christmas thread. 11 = three in binary , doh!

[Incubus]

I pit myself for being rather touchy lately. My self-esteem and confidence are at an all-time high, yet I make really marginal pit threads about the most mundane thing that annoys me. Its like when my life is going well, I run out of legitimate things to pit. :p

[dwyr]

If there was a way of sending chocolate through the internet...

If there was a way of sending kittens through the internet...



I have no chocolate.

I do have kittens.

They aren't litterbox trained yet, though, so that could be a problem.



I pit me for being really lazy and not exercising enough.

And for being so damned gloomy and whiny all the time.

But mostly I pit me for being miserable in a job I'm too much of a coward and/or greedy to quit.

[John Carter of Mars]

I pit myself for only tipping the newspaper delivery girl $20. She deserved more. Through rain, sleet, snow or dread of night, my paper is always there on time. (OK, so it doesn't sleet or snow that much here, but you get the picture)

I pit myself for not finishing the sickly-sweet love story that is to be delivered to a certain young lady on Christmas morning. Now I'll certainly see the dawn's early light while checking punctuation and trying to turn just one more phrase even more sickly-sweet. I further pit myself for posting in this thread instead of completing said task right now.

I pit myself for having more clear memories of New Year's Eve mis-adventures than I do of Christmas mornings with family.

I pit myself for not listening to more Hank Williams Sr. music this past year.

I pit myself for opening political threads on the SDMB when I'm not really all that concerned with such.

I pit myself for not opening every one of Shirley Ujest's threads, because they're always a kick.

That should do for now.....

[Typo Negative]

I pit my pancreas for it's failure to what other pancreas's do
I pit my right shoulder for it's failure to do what other right shoulder's do
I pit my inability to pick the winning lotto numbers
I pit myself for not being wealthy
I pit myself for not being smart
that's pretty much it

[SolGrundy]

I pit myself for:

Still taking part in Pit threads after I ordered myself to stay away from the Pit for at least two months. And I'm doing it again!
Not being able to stop smoking.
Putting too much stock in what other people think of me.
Doing a generally lousy job of getting Christmas gifts this year.

[Rhubarb]

I pit myself for not finishing the sickly-sweet love story that is to be delivered to a certain young lady on Christmas morning.
I'm guessing that would be Dejah Thoris?

I pit myself for...

Being such a pitiful poster that in order to get pitted, I have to do it myself.
For putting off my minimal Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve (again)
For sitting here on the SDMB instead of catching up on all of my projects.
For not having any chocolate oranges or kittens for other posters to covet.
For never visiting Marianas Deep, not even once, for even 20 minutes.

[kambuckta]

This thread is so full of self-pitty, it's making me wanna chunder. :D

Aaaaaanyway, I'll bite:

I pit myself for STILL working at a job that was only meant to be temporary two years ago.

I pit myself for getting all excited over Christmas preparations when the sprogs are completely indifferent.

I pit myself for being sucked-in to the MEGA BONANZA HABERDASHERY SALE yesterday when I spent too many dollars on bedding and stuff, and THEN I went to my local shops this morning and found I could've gotten the shit for half of what I paid. :smack:

Oh, and especially for our northern hemisphere members, I pit myself for being a moron and getting a touch of sunburn yesterday. It really sucks to be on holidays over Christmas when the sun is shining brightly in the sky. :D

[Annie-Xmas]

The happy fact that there are those who wish you 50 more.

Thanks elucidator. Sometimes I think I've lived long enough and other times I think I've only lived half my life.

Sorta 50/50.

[John Carter of Mars]

I'm guessing that would be Dejah Thoris?

You're on the right track. The story is for Dejah (and my) granddaughter, age 13.

[Shirley Ujest]

I pit John Carter of Mars for making me wonder periodically how Bubba is doing. How is Bubba these days?
I would like to take this time to again pit my sinuses. We received about 6 -10 inches of snow since yesterday and I have a constant headache.
I pit myself for putting too much curry into my soup and eating too much of said soup. I could power a small city with what I am emitting here, folks.

[Shirley Ujest]

Happy Almost Birthday, Annie! I wish you excellent health, buttloads of money and Brad Pitt delivering Pizza to your door!

[Annie-Xmas]

Happy Almost Birthday, Annie! I wish you excellent health, buttloads of money and Brad Pitt delivering Pizza to your door!

Thanks Shirley, but I thought I made it clear: WAYNE BRADY.

[gum]

Seriously. I pit myself for having called a few Dopers names. Ummm. Not 'names' exactly. I yelled and swore at them. :(

My apologies. I'm a bitch.

The futher list of self-pitting would be tedious, so I'll have you guessing. heh.

[John Carter of Mars]

I pit John Carter of Mars for making me wonder periodically how Bubba is doing. How is Bubba these days?


Funny you should ask: Bubba stopped by yesterday and delivered two quarts of honey, the annual rent he pays me for letting him put a couple hundred bee hives on my place. Bubba has made contact with yet another Nice Young LadyTM in the Ukraine.
He sent her the money for an airplane ticket to America, but due to the revolution/civil war/election problems there, no-one is allowed to leave the country. :rolleyes:
He is, of course, being scammed again but to tell him so would be to invite physical violence. So I wished him good luck and I'm eating biscuits with honey even as we speak.

Finished the story too, about 5 am. My granddaughter had complained that the books she reads about teenagers "aren't real." "Write a real one for my Christmas present" she said.
When I asked her what sort of story she wanted, she said: "You know, something real. Love, sex, drugs, alcohol abuse, betrayal, violence, a makeup, more love, more sex and a happy ending."
I told her I wasn't going past PG-13 with the sex; she'd have to watch some daytime soaps on TV if she wanted graphic stuff. But I'm glad she likes to read. She has a 16 year-old cousin on the left coast that is functionally illiterate, mainly because instead or reading or studying this girl stays in the street until all hours, like I used to do at that age. I started to tell the 13 year-old to just call her cousin and ask her to tell what she did last weekend and there would be no need for a written story. But then I thought that might not be such a good idea after all. :eek:

Getting back into your own head of how it was in 8th grade and then moving the scenes into a modern setting can be a bitch. But now the story is completed except for running it by the censorship board, which is her grandma. While Grandma doesn't share our enthusiasm for skating on the edge, she's pretty much resigned herself to cutting us some serious slack. And now I'm babbling on, in sleep-deprived musings.

It's 30 freakin' degrees at eleven in the morning. Good day for a nap. :)

[Captain Gutgore Blooddrink]

I pit myself for posting in GD while drunk.

I pit myself for giving up all of my porn when I moved, thinking for some strange reason I wouldn't want it.

I pit myself for staying in this small fucking shithole of a town for over 8 months even though I said I'd be in a big city again in 5.

Building on that, I pit myself for staying with my parents for too long, IN THEIR BASEMENT, WITH AN XBOX AND LOTS OF COMIC BOOKS.

And building on that, I pit my 4d20 for not giving me eough Charisma. If my role wasn't so low, none of the above would apply.

I pit myself for posting in MPSIMS while sober.

I am,
The MeatBeast of the Pit!