I'm on vacation!

[UncleBeer]

Okay, kiddies and kiddettes, UncleBeer is taking a much needed vacation as of this very moment. In my absence, I want no parties, no long distance phone calls made, and no one is to drive the car for any reason. Stay out of the liquor cabinet and try to keep your rooms clean while I'm gone, too; I don't want a lot of housework when I get back.

Seriously though, I'll be gone for at least a week and my net access is going to be severely curtailed during this time. Please email Eutychus during my sabbatical, or use my web-based account at [email]unclebeer@teemingmillions.zzn.com[/email for any crises that may arise. I can't promise I'll get around to actually reading anything you send there, but what the hell, it's worth a shot, eh?

Don't forget to feed the dog. And dammit, untie your little brother.

[light strand]

But having my little brother tied is the best way to:
Prevent parties, make sure no one gets in the liquor cabinet, keep the car in one piece, and keep him off the phone. Besides, his room stays REALLY clean that way, AND it cuts down on laundry and water usage.

Would it be ok if I fed him to the dog?

[Ayesha]

Vacation ? WTF ?

Mods get to go on vacation like real people ? This will never do UncleBeer, get back here. You are setting a bad example.

Geez, the next thing you know they will want time away from their computers to actually eat meals, spend time with friends and family and the right to vote.

Have fun UncleBeer.



Pssst, guys he's gone ! PARTY AT UNCLEBEER'S PLACE !!!!!!

[Sassy]

Guy Stuff - the Revenge!

[FreakFreely]

Alright UncleBeer, you go on your vacation. And when you get back, I'll be ready to take you on. I'll have more facts and statistics than ever seen! BWUHAHAHAHA!!!

I'll be over here, studying. You better be ready UncleBeer, this is gonna be one helluva debate. I'm already selling ringside tickets.

[Ayesha]

Guy Stuff - the Revenge!


WooHoo ! Who has the moose schlong ?

[Persephone]

Errr...I believe Melin has possession of the moose schlong, as payment for keeping our sorry butts out of Leavenworth. Last I heard, she'd hung it up over her desk to intimidate other lawyers, and it was working.

[Ayesha]

Stuff and bother ! Well there's more than one way to de-schlong a moose ! We have to Sealemon in here and send him out out hunting. I've got 3 microwave burritos and a bottle of tequila here for ammo. Who has the matches ?

Seale, Seale where are you ?

[elelle]

Melin does indeed possess the Sacred Moose Schlong, or at least the absolute article. But, as any powerful icon is wont to do in this strange universe, it may replicate and appear to those in particular need.

Just today I observed the Moose Schlong descending cumulonimbusly from the clear blue sky. I don't know what it means, but I'm hopin' for the best resurrection of the true tenets of Guy Stuff.

I don't think UncyB would mind...

Carry on, y'all!

And Ayesha, hon, I heard you could start a fire with an intense glimpse! WhoTF needs matches?

[TVeblen]

UnkaBeer has left? And we know where he lives, so to speak?

Have a great time, honestly. Donthca worry about a thing around heres. Euty will protect the property...whoops! he seems to be in the throes of Gilbert & Sullivan overload.

Well, never you fear. We'll just retrieve the UnkaBeer Memorial Moose Schlong from it's place on the moon, and empty your fridge and liquor cabinet because we know you'd WANT us to!

Jello shots on UnkaBeer's couch, direct the ammo from the wagon-wheel ceiling light...and who invited the Brazilian Bikini team?

uh, you DO rent, right?

Veb

[Ukulele Ike]

Shit, before he was a mod, Unc would have given us ALL the details.

Where is it, buddy? Sandusky or Ipperwash?

I call dibs on bouncing on the bed.

[elelle]

I think we's beein' a little too verbose here...

BBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPP!!!

[Sassy]

Slackers! We only have so much time until Uncle Beer gets back... and we want him to be proud, don't we? I got Melin to let me make a cast of the Moose shlong - which will forevermore be known as the Wally M7 Memorial Schlong. I've got a case of Irish whisky and a truckload of Guinness... who's with me?

[CanadianSue]

I'm with you Sassy, but first I think we need to find his private stash of....BEER!!!!!

[Ayesha]

:: steps up and respectfully touches the fake moose schlong::

I have been blessed, now let's party ! BTW, who is that passed out in the bath tub ? It was damn hard to take a shower standing over that guy ! Unc has some cool towels, do you think he minds me using them ?

[waterj2]

Um, I'll admit that I already went into the liquor cabinet, but there really wasn't much in there.

[CanadianSue]

Aye.. I do believe that is the last guy who touched the schlong....

[TVeblen]

(cosily plopped on couch, feet on UncaBeer's collection of Lawrence Welk CD's and vintage Penthouses)

Ya know, I's suprised the big guy didn't take his car. Since we need to make a beer run anyway, didja know you can make a killer jerky, dried out on a aluminum foil stretched over the exhaust manifold?

Anybody know how to hotwire a car?
And do that ginzu fine slicing thing on a cat?

Veb

[Ayesha]

Veb, I'm sure we can learn how to do both by surfing the net.

Can I drive, I know I don't know how to drive well, having only done so about ten times in my life, but I'm sure UncleBeer won't mind me learning in his car !

Sue, ok, but *who* is he ? I swear I think he was peeking while I was standing over him. I believe he has a banana in his pocket too.

[TVeblen]

Okay, back with the Guinness, the Manifold Jerkey smells a bit odd, and we only sideswiped one car on the way. It was a cop car anyway, so they have a radio to call for a tow.

Sheesh, what'd you guys do that couch!?

Oh well, UncaBeer probably didn't like it much anyway. If we turn over the cushions the charred parts hardly show.

Hey, he probably has plenty of guns around here. Anybody else wanna improve the neighborhood and use some of those tacky window planters for target practice?

Veb

[Ukulele Ike]

{coming up the stairs, frothing pewter stein in hand}

Hey, Veb, I could've saved you a trip. You been down in the guy's cellar yet? I didn't know they MADE kegs that big anymore.

There's also a brace of Clydesdales stabled down there, a vintage skittle-board, a crystal meth lab, and oh yeah, it's where he keeps his bang-bangs.

My politics forbid me to indulge, but you guys could probably have some good clean fun with the Kalashnikov and the Thompson submachine gun...hey! There's a bunny rabbit on the lawn!

[Trion]

Did somebody order pizza?? I got mushroom, pepperonni, chicken and onion, veggie, plain, and one with everything.

[Arnold Winkelried]

If this party gets out of hand, I will feel it my duty to tell on you to UncleBeer. So maybe this will help keep you delinquents on your best† behaviour? UncleBeer would have wished that the MPSIMS posters behave with all due decorum, so out of respect for him, I suggest a tea party instead of a drunken bash. I'll provide the crumpets and the cucumber sandwiches. Who wants to be mother?

------
†Of course, I realize that your best behaviour is atrocious by any normal standard.

[Odieman]

::Odieman wanders into the bedroom::
Hey what does that button do???
::Odieman pushes button::

Wow, I've never seen a bed revolve before, and what neat polka music too.

::Odieman wanders out of the bedroom::

Hey guys look in here. You aren't gonna believe this.

Keith

[Falcon]

Guy stuff is back????

BRING OUT THE TEQUILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Eutychus]

Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried
If this party gets out of hand, I will feel it my duty to tell on you to UncleBeer. So maybe this will help keep you delinquents on your best behaviour? UncleBeer would have wished that the MPSIMS posters behave with all due decorum, so out of respect for him, I suggest a tea party instead of a drunken bash. I'll provide the crumpets and the cucumber sandwiches. Who wants to be mother?


Screw 'im. I'm in charge here.

[Persephone]

Ooh! Ooh! Can I shoot the bunny???

:::ratatatatatatatatatatatat:::

Wow! Bunny dust!

I think it's time for some Peep Skeet!

:::tosses yellow Peep Chicky into the air:::

PULL!

:::BOOM!:::

Woohoo! More beer!

:::tosses pink Peep Bunny into air:::

PULL!

:::BOOM!:::

Dang. I may have to rethink my position on guns. This is so....exhilarating! Especially with beer! The beer makes me a better shot, I think.

:::tosses another yellow chicky:::

PULL!

:::BOOMcrash:::

Oops. Um, I think I'll take the skeet shooting outside.

...my Goddess, that's a big hole in the ceiling....I hope he doesn't notice...

[Sassy]

Dr. Watson! Your presence is required stat (and let's hope there's a scapel underneath that kilt!) Are Peeps sterile?

Oooh, look! If you pour tequila on Peep scraps they foam!

[Arnold Winkelried]

Okay, Eutychus55, but don't ask me to help when you have to clean up!

[TVeblen]

Since Persephone is busy w/ peep skeet--man, lookit that lurid yellow goo all over the ceiling!--wonder what happens if you douse a peep w/ 151 and light it?

::ka-BOOOM!

That was..impressive! Man, those little suckers go up with a bang. Notice that blue flame? Wonder what's happen if we did it to a box of peeps?

Hey, Arnold? Mom? Get the door willya? And take the damned batteries out of the smoke detector while you're at it. We can hardly hear the UncleBeer's polka records!

Veb

[elelle]

Wheee!

Hey, y'all, I have some leftover bottle rockets from the holidaze!

Persi, looky here. Ya can duct tape a peep to a Clustering Bees rocket for an extry challenge.

SSSSsssssssttttt, and PULL!

FwwwOOOOOOMMMM...

Go girl. Aim steady...

[Persephone]

:::takes aim:::

BOOM!

Whoops. Missed. Darn. I think I hit a bird.

No, wait. Birds don't trail smoke.

Oh, dammit. That's a Cessna.

:::dodges falling airplane pieces:::

:::scratches head:::

Hoo, boy. I thought the hole in the ceiling was bad....how in the hell am I going to explain this one?

[UncaStuart]

: : knock knock : :
"Pardon me, I live about 5 blocks over, and I couldn't hear my TV over the noise. So, excuse me while . . ."
: : opens sinister looking case and removes bagpipes : :
". . . I find a place to practice. I think the dining room would work quite well, thank you very much."

[FreakFreely]

Ummmm, I have a question. If the toilet were to... say... explode, do you think that would make UncleBeer made?

This is a purely hypothetical question of course.

[TVeblen]

Oh,noooo! Chief Scott attacked UncaBeer's toilet!?

Hmmm, great water pressure in this place. It's almost put out the couch fire.

::shouts over bagpipe 'music'::

Hey, Persi, don't sweat the Cessna thing. You couldn't help it! Hell, it looked like a flying peep to the rest of us, too! ::trips over recumbant drunk::

These things happen. Arnold said he was in charge, that he's mom. We'll blame ARNOLD!

Somebody pass Arnold an Alice B. Toklas crumpet, wouldja? He's looking faint.

Veb

[UncaStuart]

Hmmm, sorry about the mess in the kitchen. Who'd athunk microwaved haggis could explode with such force. At least it's covering up most of the peep goo.

Oh, sorry Veb, here's a towel.

[Milossarian]

Uhhhh ... I think I screwed up UB's home-brewing still. Or did he always have matching tie-dyed wallpaper and carpeting in here?

[Odieman]

Yeah he did, but I don't think it should be bubbling like that . OH MY GOD I THINK IT's GONNA BLOW. Run for your lives.
::BLAM::
Oh the humanity.....As God is my witness I didn't know that peeps could fly!!!
Keith

[Arnold Winkelried]

Why should I be picking up after you slobs? When I said "who wants to be mother", I thought that expression meant "who wants to pour the tea." In any case, Eutychus55 said he was in charge, so now I can be as messy as I want.

I'll bring out my old drum kit to accompany the bagpipes. You don't mind, UncaStuart, do you? I've always wanted to be part of a drum kit and bagpipes duo. (starts heavy metal drum solo à la Keith Moon) Is everyone ready for a singalong? "Sex and drugs and rock'n'roll." Get those lighters ready!

For those of you who would like to consider me as their mother, no problem. Just call me Medea. :p

[Persephone]

:::shaking off flaming airplane bits:::

Freak, you blew up the toilet?

Damn, I thought I had bad aim.

I wouldn't worry too much, though, Freak. Unless you messed up UncleBeer's crocheted hat toilet paper cover. If you messed that up, well, I'd consider the Witness Protection Program.

[FreakFreely]

Oh, I'm sure his toilet paper cover is perfectly intact, wherever it is...

[Ayesha]

Run everybody, I think UncleBeer is back and if he catches us here we are dead meat.

[Rysdad]

I think we have just enough time for the shooters contest. Here's a platter full of tequila-filled shot glasses. The first one to down 25 shots wins!

:::glances over in the corner::: Damn, is that Neuro's bald wombat or a badger with mange?

[Ayesha]

Uh, UncleBeer, none of this is my fault. THEY made me do it ! I was knocked, drug in here and forced to watch them destroy the place. I am an innocent victim.

[TVeblen]

Hey, UncaBeer, none of this is precisely our fault. Not the downed Cessna, the wrecked cop car, the meth lab in your basement being busted--and that isn't even mentioning the polka records, the revolving bed or the godawful..uh, the couch that most unfortuntately got incinerated.

Uhh...the wallls? We redecorated for ya, Unk! It's a trendy 3-D faux technique called, "Peep Innards".

Besides, Arnold said we could!. He said something about "pouring tea" ::splort!:: so we stuffed him into your favorite "Guns, beer and cussing" T-shirt, so that makes him responsible.

Besides, it isn't that often we can dump on a mod who's trying to play Keith Moon with an oompha band and a wino with a bagpipe. (Euty said something contraiwise, but he was just being Euty, y'know?)

Show of hands! Arnold Wrinkleintime...Rinklestiltskin, uh Arnold the Swiss Guy is responsible for the damages!

Very innocent,
Veb

[CanadianSue]

Hunky Uncy.. I confess.. this whole mess was Ayesha and Veb's fault. They are bad.. truly bad. The rest of us, well we really tried to keep them in line. Honest ;)

[Ayesha]

/me kicks Sue in the shins ! Ratfink !

Yeah UncleBeer, it is all Arnold's fault, his and Sue's. She is jealous of Veb and I , that's why she is blaming us. She knows you like us best.

/me sticks tongue out at Sue !

[Persephone]

Uhhhh...it's not my fault. I was, um, uhh, I was trying to, uhh, errr, earn my Gun Safety Merit Badge! Yeah! And that Cessna was a Commie Spy Plane! I had to shoot it down! Yeah!