Good intentions does not excuse rudeness!

[poeticyde]

My wife and I are doing some major remodeling in our home, specifically to our back room. Since we are remodeling the room that used to be our “store all the junk in it” room, we had to find someplace to put all the junk, so our house right now looks like a tornado ran through it. That’s okay with us, because we know that once we have things done, we’ll put everything back in order again. Until that time, however, we probably won’t be inviting many houseguests over, because frankly, I don’t want to inflict our messy home on others.

I don’t know if I have mentioned it or not, but I am usually a pretty easy person to deal with. I don’t stress a whole lot, I work well with others, and I pretty much roll with the punches life throws at me. After all, I have it pretty good…I have a beautiful wife who loves me and whom I love very much, I have a wonderful son that I think the world of, I have a good job, my own home, and the ability to pursue my crazy hobbies as I see fit. However, there are a few little pet peeves that I have that absolutely drive me insane…bigotry, willful ignorance, and people showing up at my house uninvited. The first two are pretty self explanatory, and the third I just find rude, obnoxious, and incredibly annoying. I always call ahead if I am going to visit someone, and make sure they know I am coming, because not doing so could interrupt someone’s plans and inconvenience them. So guess what happened last night?

That’s right! Uninvited guests! Not just one or two, mind you, but thirty!

At our house!

Which looks like someone picked it up and shook it about like a snow globe!

While my wife and I are dressed in ragged, nasty work clothes, covered in sweat, and with pits of wood and drywall clinging to our hair!

So who were these rude and inconsiderate people showing up to our home? Why, they were the members of the church which we had occasionally attended, but had ceased going to because the preacher was a bigoted jackass!

Let me explain. As I may have mentioned before, my wife grew up going to church, and it is an important thing to her. I myself do not care for churches in general, but I go because I like to support my wife, and I like to argue with people, and it gives me the opportunity to do both. I even occasionally learn some things, and I have met some fine people who became very good friends through church. So when we moved to Georgia, we found a church of the same denomination my wife grew up with, and we began attending services when we could. Of course, there were many weekends we didn’t go, because we often use our weekends to travel and visit other places.

It wasn’t so bad, at first. The congregation was fairly small, and very friendly and welcoming. We made fast friends with a few couples, and were “smile and nod” acquaintances with most everyone else. The preacher was very…shall we say, enthusiastic…with his sermons (which was unusual for this denomination), but he seemed to be an ok guy, so we shrugged and figured we give it a try. After about of year of services, though, we began to realize that *every* sermon he preached was basically a hate speech about one thing or another! Often, his message of hate was buried in a seemingly innocuous lesson, but there was no denying it was there. He seemed to pick a new subject to spew his vitriol over every week…gays, liberals, foreigners, members of every denomination but his own. We grew very uncomfortable with his crapfest, and finally made up our minds not to go back while he was still preaching. Thankfully, it wasn’t that hard to do. We already missed a good number of sermons because our traveling and event schedule kept us out of town usually three weekends a month.

We never heard from anyone at the church for the first four or five months. Then, out of the blue, we get a card from one of the more “fundamental” members (stress on the mental) basically accusing us of “placing our child’s soul in danger,” and basically stating that she didn’t care if *we* went to hell, but won’t we please think of our child? I wanted to write back a big “Fuck off, bitch” letter, but my wife persuaded me not to. A few weeks go by, and one of the ladies we got a long with real well, half of an older couple that had been out of town for several months right after we decided to leave, gave us a call. My wife talked to her, and she asked nervously if we had received anything unsettling from aforementioned Mental lady. We said yes, and she apologized profusely. She had figured that we left because we didn’t like the preacher, and had mentioned that a few other couples had as well, and that she didn’t blame us.

She is a really nice lady, and from that point forward she kept in regular contact, giving us updates on what was happening, and who was doing what. Then, about two weeks ago, she called to tell us that our former dipshit of a preacher and his family had left the state to take another preaching job elsewhere! Yay! She also mentioned that there was a new preacher, who was a lot nicer, and very much down-to-earth. We said that was great, that maybe we would come and hear a sermon some time, but that we would be busy over the next couple of weekends because we were taking trips down to Florida to help out my sister. She said she understood, that she was going to be gone for the next couple of weeks as well, and looked forward to seeing us again, should we choose to go back.

But apparently, the rest of the congregation either didn’t get the word, or decided that it was best to take the matter into their own hands, so they picked last night to drop in on us! There we are, answering the door looking like a couple of bums who just ran through a wall like the Kool-Aid man, standing in the midst of a wrecked house while they all stood out there in the cold with vapid smiles on their faces…so what do we do? Invite them in, of course! And oh, wow, thanks so much for surprising us, I mean, we really like for a bunch of relative strangers to see us at our worst, while all our personal belongings are strewn about for the world to see! Oh, need a seat? Let us move that pile of clean-but-not-yet-sorted lingerie so you can sit down! They stayed for about an hour. We made conversation with those we had actually missed a bit, we met the new preacher (who seemed like a nice guy, and who looked rather uncomfortable with the whole idea), and finally we told them we had to get to bed but thanks for the visit, and y’all drive careful now, y’hear?

Afterwards, I was beyond pissed off. One, because I *hate* uninvited guests. Two, I couldn’t tear into them about it because it would have upset my wife, and I don’t want to do that. Three, we understand that you would love to see us back, but how ‘bout sending us a note that doesn’t mention us being cursed to damnation instead of just showing up at our doorstep in the middle of the night?!? I mean, how fucking hard can that be? Worse, my wife, though slightly annoyed, is not as pissed as I am, and so I have no where to vent! She feels they were just trying to “make amends” and had “good intentions” and that however misguided they may be, they are, after all, just concerned for us and our well being. But I say screw that! Good intentions are *not* an excuse for blatant rudeness! Where were they during the five months we were gone when we heard from *no one*?!? GRRRRR!!!

*sighs*

Anyway, sorry about the rant, all, but I really needed to blow off steam.

Thanks.

Poeticyde

[Lord Ashtar]

I can understand a new preacher showing up to try and "win a few back to the flock", but to bring the whole congregation?

Your anger is entirely justified, IMHO. It's a good thing for them you didn't do what Jesus did when He was righteously angry.

[Anaamika]

Wow I would have been really pissed. So now you're the neighborhood cause, is it? They have to redeem you?

[Scarlett67]

I was with you up until the point where you let them in.

[E-Sabbath]

You know, that is the one thing I miss about not having a church upbringing, and that's the community. Or I think I miss it. But that's a nasty, nasty horns of a dilemma, man. I mean, it was nice for them to care. It was really touching, and heck, your leaving may have even done something positive for the community, in that it helped get rid of the preacher. It was nice to have them over, right?

Just... not. right. Then. You can't get mad at them, cause how do they know? You can't get mad at yourself, because they didn't give you any warning. And they were doing good... so... you're just floating around pissed.

My reccomendation: Play video games? This is what DOOM or Quake or GTA3 is for. Failing that, go split some wood, or something. Something physical and violent. Eventually, you'll start laughing about how embarassed they must feel, too. Then forgive them, and yourself, and shrug, and keep on moving through life. Right?

[Uvula Donor]

You invited them in??

Pit yourself.

[E-Sabbath]

Well, think about it. Poeticyde probably isn't the only person RantingPreacher scared off. The nice lady who called probably surveyed a lot of people, and discovered a lot of them left because of him. Eventually, there was a power struggle, and he lost. Nice calling lady was one of the visitors, right? I'm betting the winning clique took the new preacher on a tour of his errant flock, to do a getting to know you thing. It probably wasn't just you they visited, they probably went to a bunch of houses in sequence. Makes sense when you think about it that way, right?

[LifeOnWry]

THIRTY?? Good golly. Bit of overkill, that.

And yeah, I would have let them in, too - what else are you gonna DO when you're caught unawares like that? Besides stand there looking like a flounder out of water, gasping and blinking, I mean.

[Hampshire]

I'd bet the majority of them were uncomfortable being there also. You said the new preacher looked uneasy with the idea.
There was probably one or two old bittys that made the decision for the group and the rest just followed without making waves.

If this just happened last night I'll bet you get some calls from a few of these people apologizing for the disturbance.

[gobear]

If a crowd comes to your house and they're not carrying torches, consider yourself ahead of the game. It seems a bit odd for the entire congregation to just drop in on you like that, but you are to be commended for being polite to them for your wife's sake.

[Jaade]

Running through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man....

is too long to be a band name, but it would make a great song title!


I have always enjoyed entertaining guests at my house, but very few people are allowed in my house when it's messy. I have told people that they aren't invited in if I feel my house is not up to my own standards. These well-meaning people would have been thanked for stopping by, sorry we can't invite you in, as you can see, we're just a little busy.

Take a page from Ms. Manners (or from Jaade, if thisisn't exactly what Ms. Manners would say), "Thanks for stopping by to see us! Next time, please do call so that we can be better prepared to receive guests."

[Captain Crunchy Crunch]

No way I would have let them in.

Man, I keep hearing all of these church horror stories, and none of them have I ever experienced. I've been church regular for over five years now (Presbyterian) and not once have I encountered a negative experience. The congregation is great. The pastors are great. The pre-school is great. Sunday school is great. The youth group is great. Etc., etc.

I guess I'm just lucky I guess. :confused:

[KellyM]

I was with you up until the point where you let them in.Same here. Uninvited guests have no right to expect to be seen. The proper response at that point was "I'm sorry, but we're just not up to entertaining this evening", followed by closing the door.

Turning away uninvited guests is not inhospitable.

The nice thing, at least, is that each and every one of them now owes you an invitation. Of course, you might not want to collect...

[The Devil's Grandmother]

Take a page from Ms. Manners (or from Jaade, if thisisn't exactly what Ms. Manners would say), "Thanks for stopping by to see us! Next time, please do call so that we can be better prepared to receive guests."
Miss Manners has said exactly that in more than one column. She says you are never required to open your house to anybody.
Still, it's hard to remember when faced with a mob. How did your son react?

[Slithy Tove]

So what are you really pissed about, being "flash mobbed" or at having to sit through hate-speech sermons? If you look at the OP, you devote much more information to the latter than the former. When you had their attention as they came to you in your own home, did you take the opportunity to express your opinions on the hate speech? Or did you just passively stand for it, like you sat through the sermons, and then quietly stopped attending instead of registering any complaint; or as you submitted to a poison-pen letter without protest. No wonder you let them in, even though uninvited guests are a pet peeve. You may claim to "roll with life's punches," but it sounds more likely that you're eating your own guts out. Maybe I'm just a rude Yankee, but I do believe we're put here on earth to do good, not just to behave nicely.

[jayjay]

So what are you really pissed about, being "flash mobbed" or at having to sit through hate-speech sermons? If you look at the OP, you devote much more information to the latter than the former. When you had their attention as they came to you in your own home, did you take the opportunity to express your opinions on the hate speech?

I don't see that poeticyde had any reason to do so. The minister whose sermons were hateful was no longer with that church, and was certainly not with the group that showed up last night, and the new minister (who gets a clean slate as poeticyde has never heard him preach yet) had nothing to do with it. It would have been VERY inappropriate to go off about the old preacher with the new (and somewhat nervous, I'm sure) preacher present.

[Uvula Donor]

And yeah, I would have let them in, too - what else are you gonna DO when you're caught unawares like that? Besides stand there looking like a flounder out of water, gasping and blinking, I mean.

You say, "Sorry, you caught me in the middle of doing some renovations, and this isn't a good time for me to visit. Feel free to call me next week sometime, 'kay?" and then you close the door, turn out the porch light, and forget they're out there.

[vetbridge]

Afterwards, I was beyond pissed off. One, because I *hate* uninvited guests.

Uninvited visitors are a major pet peeve of mine. The few times someone (who has not gotten the message) shows up unannounced I turn them away. I tell them simply, "Sorry, I do not see visitors unannounced." and close the door. Maybe I'm weird, but it seems to work for me.

[missbunny]

I was with you up until the point where you let them in.

Me too. Why didn't you just say you were busy, and then shut the door?

[Cat Whisperer]

I have to say, y'all have some very weird shit going on in the name of religion down there. They call you if you stop attending church? They send you notes? THEY VISIT YOUR HOUSE?!? This is extremely odd behaviour, in my experience.

You guys (that is, citizens of the U.S.) keep posting stuff on these boards about what's going on in the area of religion, and I get the feeling that because you're immersed in it, you don't realize just how weird things are getting.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.

[aruvqan]

THIRTY?? Good golly. Bit of overkill, that.

And yeah, I would have let them in, too - what else are you gonna DO when you're caught unawares like that? Besides stand there looking like a flounder out of water, gasping and blinking, I mean.
<boggle> I would have firmly said How nice of you to drop by, but we are currently remodeling the house and tied up right now, but when I have the time I will drop by church and meet you properly...

but this is coming from someone who has a sign posted on the front door saying"if you did not call ahead, or I do not recognize you, you do not get into my home." And it gets enforced. If the UPS shows up, I step out onto the front porch and shut the door firmy behind me. I have had town officials drop by and they get the front porch treatment. Yups, I have kept a cop standing on the porch in the rain. He didnt call ahead and the town has our phone number. No warrent, no entry. I am twitchy enough about strangers in my house that when someone comes by to adjust the furnace, or do anything inside, mrAru deals with them and I go elsewhere until he calls me on the cell.

[poeticyde]

Howdy all.

I figured I’d address a few points brought up here now that I have cooled down a bit, and am a little more rational.

Lord Ashtar, I agree, I would have understood the new preacher calling or arranging a meeting with us to try and see what he could do to bring us back around to their church. To be honest, though, I think that this may have been just as much a surprise to him as it was to us, because he honestly did look a little uncomfortable and not quite sure that the whole thing was a good idea.

Anaamika, to some of the people in that congregation, you are no doubt correct…we’re their own private cause. For a majority, though, I think they just wanted to show us that they do care about us and wanted to see how we were. They went about it in a really fucked up way, but I do think that was probably their true intent.

Scarlett67, and everyone else wondering why I let them in…

Had I been at home alone, I most certainly would not have let them in. Hell, I doubt I would have even answered the door. However, as I mentioned above, church is very important to my wife. The only reason we left said church was because of the asshole preacher. We did get along well with pretty much everyone else there, save for a few that were part of said jerk’s clique. None of the later were there last night, so these were people that we have had friendly connections with. The church and most of its attendants live an hour away from us (I don’t know if I have mentioned this elsewhere, but we live in a very rural part of Georgia). So, rudeness aside, they had driven an hour out to see us in the cold, and I know it would have upset my wife greatly if I had turned them away (this was part of our discussion afterwards, so it is not pure speculation on my part).

E-Sabbath, having a community of support can be very nice, I will admit. I partially agree about them not knowing, though I believe that anyone with an inkling of manners would know better than to show up anywhere private unannounced…but they couldn’t know that it was a hot button for me, as I’ve never told anyone from that church that it is. The lady who kept in touch with us *did* in fact survey those who had left, and she and her husband were instrumental in implementing changes that I am sure contributed to our former preacher leaving. She was not, however, one of lasts night’s visitors (as she is still on vacation), and I seriously doubt she would have had anything to do with it had she been in town. She is one of those classic “Southern Belle” types, Mrs. Manners all the way. She would have called first. And I am also fairly sure we *weren’t* the only ones that got dropped in on that evening. I’ll have to call some of the other couples we knew left and find out later this evening.

Captain Crunchy Crunch, most of the congregation and the people there are good people. Sunday school classes were always very open and filled with discussion. One bad preacher, though, can ruin the whole experience.

Devil’s Grandmother (great name!), thankfully, my boy slept through the whole ordeal! Once he goes out, he goes *out*, and there’s no waking him, short of physically prodding him awake. We wisely let him sleep.

Slithy Tove, as I mentioned, the Hatemonger is gone. We got along well with everyone else. I only included the information about the jackass because it would explain why the group of people decided to show up, and why we had left the church in the first place. We had mentioned our complaints to a few of the people that we were friendly with at the church, and decided that we would just leave and find another place of worship (which we never got around to). I *did* register my displeasure with his hatefulness to said preacher, but I never received a real meaningful response, other than “You must have heard what I was saying wrong.” And frankly, he wasn’t worth my time. In the end, as stated above, our leaving, coupled with the leaving of others for the same reason, was part of what caused the old preacher to leave.

Anyhow…that’s that. Thanks for responding all, and for having a place here to vent.

Muchas Gracias,

Poeticyde

[lezlers]

Unannounced visitors is a major pet peeve of mine. I can't help it, I was raised that way. Hell, I call my own parents before I drop in, I wouldn't dream of just showing up unannounced, IMHO, it's the very height of rudeness.

However, if someone did show up unannounced, I wouldn't just say "sorry, I don't accept unannounced visitors" and slam the door in their faces. To me, that is just as rude as showing up unannounced and rudeness should never be answered with more rudeness. I know I would be absolutely mortified if I dropped in on someone with nothing but good intentions and had that kind of reaction. Of course, I let anyone who would have any reason to come over know about my pet peeve to avoid that very type of situation. Even my S.O who has a key knows to call before he shows up. If someone does show up, I'll chat with them briefly then say something along the lines of "I wish I knew you were coming so we could visit longer but I've really got to get back to (insert whatever I was doing or just made up here) next time call first and let me know you're coming so I can plan some time to visit with you!"

Of course, I've also been known to pretend I'm not home and avoid the situation all together. :eek:

[Maus Magill]

Unannounced visitors is a major pet peeve of mine. I can't help it, I was raised that way. Hell, I call my own parents before I drop in, I wouldn't dream of just showing up unannounced, IMHO, it's the very height of rudeness.

However, if someone did show up unannounced, I wouldn't just say "sorry, I don't accept unannounced visitors" and slam the door in their faces. To me, that is just as rude as showing up unannounced and rudeness should never be answered with more rudeness.

Thank you. I hate drop bys, and never drop by myself, but I also believe being a good host is just as important as being a good guest.

On those rare occasions I get drop by visiters, I will invite them in and provide as a good host should.

[GrizzRich]

I was going to fall back on What Would Jesus Do...
.
.
.
.
But then, He fed the multitudes with loaves and fishes, and I reckoned that probably wasn't possible given the circumstances an all. Besides I don't think Jesus kept enough of a stable residence in which thirty or so of the disciples would just "drop in". Let alone do a bit of remodeling. But he WAS a carpenter so I figure that maybe it wouldn't be that hard to imagine.
.
.
.
But, I digress.
.
.
.
If they're Christians; FORGIVE 'EM!

[Rilchiam]

Anaamika, to some of the people in that congregation, you are no doubt correct…we’re their own private cause. For a majority, though, I think they just wanted to show us that they do care about us and wanted to see how we were. They went about it in a really fucked up way, but I do think that was probably their true intent.


But what boggles my mind is that, out of thirty people, not one of them did the math and said, "Well, it looks like you're pretty busy here! We had some stuff we wanted to talk to you about; when would be a good time? Meanwhile, can we go get you some takeout? You probably don't have time to make dinner." How well-intentioned can they be if they were willing to sit in the midst of disarray and pay a social call?

I wouldn't have "chatted with them briefly", either, as lezlers suggested. When there's thirty people, someone will always pipe up again; you don't get to control the conversation.

Had I been at home alone, I most certainly would not have let them in. Hell, I doubt I would have even answered the door. However, as I mentioned above, church is very important to my wife. <snip> So, rudeness aside, they had driven an hour out to see us in the cold, and I know it would have upset my wife greatly if I had turned them away (this was part of our discussion afterwards, so it is not pure speculation on my part).

That's as it may be. But perhaps these people shouldn't mean so much to her, if they're so blatantly insensitive and pushy.

[Anaamika]

No way I would have let them in.

Man, I keep hearing all of these church horror stories, and none of them have I ever experienced. I've been church regular for over five years now (Presbyterian) and not once have I encountered a negative experience. The congregation is great. The pastors are great. The pre-school is great. Sunday school is great. The youth group is great. Etc., etc.

I guess I'm just lucky I guess. :confused:

My friend,

I have had my share of so-called "religious people" inflicting horror stories on me, and let me tell you, not one of them has ever been directly related to a church*.
When people mean to be supercilious, they suddenly don't seem to need the backing of a church/whatever. I have to say that the handful of pastors or ministers or whatever they are in my life have all been unfailingly kind to me.

*Ok, well, except for Jehovah's Witnesses at my door on Sunday morning at 7 AM!

[TVeblen]

However, if someone did show up unannounced, I wouldn't just say "sorry, I don't accept unannounced visitors" and slam the door in their faces. To me, that is just as rude as showing up unannounced and rudeness should never be answered with more rudeness. I know I would be absolutely mortified if I dropped in on someone with nothing but good intentions and had that kind of reaction.

I'm with you, lezlers. This is an area where I part company with Miss Manners. Rudeness doesn't justify more rudeness. It sounds like these few dozen unexpected drop-in 'guests' were well-intentioned, as poeticyde himself noted. Their execution just sucked big time.

I'm also with Rilchiam, though, in boggling over the fact that none of them seemed to pick up on the rude-o-meter readings, much less act on them. (I'll exempt the new pastor since he was obviously in-tow with so many of his more active congregation. That was a delicate situation for him too.)

FWIW, with one exception*, I generally use ruthlessly use their rudeness against intruders. Judo instead of chop-sockey; guilt works a treat. I drown them with apologies for how unprepared I am for guests (hint); rush about apologizing that I don't have the slightest thing ready to offer for refreshments (HINT); gently bewail the fact that I can't offer them the decent hospitality I'd like since they weren't expected...(HINT). The killer trick: never sit down. Why, how could I relax when the place is such a mess and so unprepared for guests? Of course this generally prevents them for sitting down either, which cuts short the visit pretty effectively. With any luck they exit, pronto, babbling apologies.

* The exception is a old sorta-friend who has his virtues but the slightest social sense isn't one of 'em. He's fully capable of wandering in and staying for 10 or 12 hours. I just don't answer the door in his case. (Though he's also rung and knocked at the various doors for up to an hour before finally leaving.)

Sounds like a pisser, poeticyde, but I think you did the right thing. You didn't slam any doors, literally or figuratively. You also wracked up major karma points for future use.

Veb

[mischievous]

I have to say, y'all have some very weird shit going on in the name of religion down there. They call you if you stop attending church? They send you notes? THEY VISIT YOUR HOUSE?!? This is extremely odd behaviour, in my experience.

Sweetie, you don't know the half of it. When my family moved to a new town in northwestern USA, we had no less than eight people show up on our doorstep the first week to invite us to their respective churchs (four Mormons, one Mormon from a different church, two Baptists, one Jehovah's witness - roughly proportionate to the town's overall religious composition). My mother finally snapped at the ninth person, and told her that we were jewish (sort of true). The response?





Oh wow! We just learned about jewish (sic) in Sunday school!




After that, every person who came to our door started off with "I know you guys are jewish, but would you..."

Also, I had to explain what "athiest" meant to my 10th grade (honors) English class.

mischievous

[CanvasShoes]

That's just weird. The whole congregation? VERY strange.

[Kimstu]

TV: This is an area where I part company with Miss Manners. Rudeness doesn't justify more rudeness.

It is not rude not to invite unannounced guests into your home. It would be on the rude side to make a proclamation like "I don't welcome unannounced visitors" (either in person or via a sign on the door). But it is perfectly mannerly to respond with a friendly greeting along the lines of "How nice of you to come by---if only I had known! I'm afraid this just isn't a good time for a visit, but I do want to get together with you, so do call me sometime so we can plan something" while firmly hanging on to the front door.

You shouldn't actually shut the door in their faces immediately after saying this, of course. But if they're still trying to argue the point after two or three repetitions, it's quite okay to say "Oh dear, I really must go now, thanks again for stopping by, I'm so sorry it's such a bad time for me, I do hope you'll call me soon so we can get together, goodnight now", and close the door slowly and quietly while maintaining your friendly smile.

It's not rude to prevent unannounced casual visitors from barging into your house when you really, really don't want them there, as long as you turn them away with a friendly and polite attitude. Anyway, most drop-in visitors with any common sense will end up feeling more embarrassed and awkward if you let them in for a brief visit when it's a really, really bad time for you than if you just graciously turn them away.

Suppose you're having hot monkey sex with your spouse and take a break to pull on shorts and a bathrobe when you hear what you think is the pizza delivery guy at the front door, and it's actually your kindly neighbor dropping in for a chat. You are doing Mrs. Neighbor no favor in the politeness realm by letting her in and awkwardly making conversation for a few minutes while it dawns on her just what she's interrupting. Let us not encourage this kind of situation by spreading the mistaken notion that it is rude not to ask an uninvited visitor in.

lezlers: If someone does show up, I'll chat with them briefly then say something along the lines of "I wish I knew you were coming so we could visit longer but I've really got to get back to (insert whatever I was doing or just made up here) next time call first and let me know you're coming so I can plan some time to visit with you!"

Fine, but good manners also permits you to say all that while standing at the front door, after making your initial chat with the folks on the porch very brief indeed.

[danceswithcats]

Hats off to you poeticyde. Doubt if I could have managed to be gracious in the same situation, much less hospitable.

That churchy people seem to feel there's nothing wrong about being rude has and continues to amaze me. It's not like God said, "Go forth in my name, and be a jerk."

[poeticyde]

One last update, then I will let this thread sink to oblivion...

TVeblen, I followed that strategy almost exactly...constant apologies, "exuse our construction", not sitting down. I suppose if I hadn't, the visit would have been longer...

We did get a call last night from one of the couples apologizing for showing up unexpectedly. Apparently, it was the idea of a couple of the older members of the church, and everyone just kind of went with it.

Regardless, I am over it now, and venting helped. Thanks all!

[SteveG1]

They're like vampires. They can not enter unless invited, but once invited it's impossible to get rid of them. Bad move, letting them in.

[Terrorcotta]

Funny enough, yesterday afternoon there was a banging on my door. I was almost napping but got up anyway in case it was important. It wasn't. It was two chicks grinning who said, "Hi! We're here talking about Jesus!"

To which I answered, "No thanks, we've already got one. It's very nice, you know." And all I could think about was the scene in 'Holy Grail' with the French knights....

[lezlers]

lezlers: If someone does show up, I'll chat with them briefly then say something along the lines of "I wish I knew you were coming so we could visit longer but I've really got to get back to (insert whatever I was doing or just made up here) next time call first and let me know you're coming so I can plan some time to visit with you!"

Fine, but good manners also permits you to say all that while standing at the front door, after making your initial chat with the folks on the porch very brief indeed.

Oh, I'm not saying that people need to be invited in under all circumstances. If you're accidently answering the door expecting to find the pizza guy and find a neighbor wanting to chat, by all means do what you said. As long as you chat with them briefly, it doesn't matter whether it's on the porch or in the living room, as long as you're not being rude because like TVeblen said, rudeness doesn't justify more rudeness.

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

I simply do not understand why so many of you have problems with the concept of folks dropping by unannounced. Let me think about the last few times that's happened:

- The Avon lady dropped off my wife's purchases.
- A complete stranger stopped by to let me know some of our cows had been on the road and he'd chased them into the pasture for me.
- Some new folks moved in next door. They stopped by to introduce themselves and bring us a loaf of banana bread (kind of a reverse welcome wagon).
- A friend saw me working in the driveway and stopped to chat.
- The guy who delivers our diesel fuel stopped by because he was in the neighborhood and thought we might need our tank topped off

See a theme? None of them asked to come in the house. I have no problem with people stopping by if they don't expect me to stop what I'm doing and entertain them.

[Manduck]

I would have a problem with a group of thirty people dropping by unannounced. That almost seems like it was meant to be intimidating. I would definitely resolve not to go back to that church - there must be one where the people don't behave so weirdly. Not that I go to church in the first place, though.

[Kimstu]

IW: I simply do not understand why so many of you have problems with the concept of folks dropping by unannounced.

Where are "so many" of us saying that we have problems with people stopping by to do things like drop off our purchases, warn us about our strayed pets, or say "hi" while we're working in our driveways, as in your examples?

The sort of thing that's mostly being criticized here is exactly the sort of thing you say you don't like either---namely, people dropping in unannounced for an actual visit where they expect you to take time to socialize with them.

[Maxxxie]

Wow I would have been really pissed. So now you're the neighborhood cause, is it? They have to redeem you?

Collect ten lapsed churchgoers, and redeem them for valuable prizes! You could already be a winner!*


*Except where prohibited by state or church laws.



:D

[matt_mcl]

Look at it this way: now that they've seen "how you keep house," they'll be less likely to come back.

[RickJay]

THIRTY?? Good golly. Bit of overkill, that.

And yeah, I would have let them in, too - what else are you gonna DO when you're caught unawares like that? Besides stand there looking like a flounder out of water, gasping and blinking, I mean.
"Oh, hello. Why, thanks so much for stopping by, but I'm afraid we can't entertain visitors right now. As you can see, we're right in the middle of redecorating the house and we simply don't have the time or means to have visitors. But thanks so much for thinking of us. Bye!" Then you close the door.

[CanvasShoes]

I would have a problem with a group of thirty people dropping by unannounced. That almost seems like it was meant to be intimidating. I would definitely resolve not to go back to that church - there must be one where the people don't behave so weirdly. Not that I go to church in the first place, though.
I would have a problem with 30 people dropping by unanounced even if the house were spotless. So yeah, what you said.

[lezlers]

Shoot, I don't think I could even fit 30 people in my tiny apartment. I'd probably invite em in just because it would be funny to see 30 people fit in here, then try to have a conversation all casual-like while sitting on each other's laps. :D

[Anaamika]

Shoot, I don't think I could even fit 30 people in my tiny apartment. I'd probably invite em in just because it would be funny to see 30 people fit in here, then try to have a conversation all casual-like while sitting on each other's laps. :D

That's a good point. My apartment isn't all that tiny, but you are NOT going in the bedroom unless you are a close friend or a lover, and I don't want you in my "study" either - that's my reflection place.

So it's the living room for you. Nope, not the kitchen either, it's tiny and doesn't really accomodate even 2 people. Some of you can go out on the balcony, though. It'll probably fit four people in a line, but you have to go in and out in a line.

Seriously, I have had people drop by expecting social calls. No fucking way. I emet them at the door, chat with them for less than five minutes, and shoo them on their way. You are making me uncomfortable by dropping by unannounced. My house is messy, and I don't want you here. So go away.

Oh, and one more thing: Generally the people who "drop by" are people whom I would never invite - that is, gossipy. I don't want them telling everyone I had underwear on the floor. You can tell them I was rude for sending you away if it makes you happy, though.

[Captain Amazing]

When my family moved to a new town in northwestern USA, we had no less than eight people show up on our doorstep the first week to invite us to their respective churchs

See, that's when you should have started a bidding war.

[Bippy the Beardless]

You mean you didn't get them to help with the painting/cleaning/moving heavy furniture. You missed a golden opportunity.

[Zoe]

There must have been at least one person out of the thirty who knew that it was rude to come over without calling. And they knew they were taking a risk to drive that far "in the cold." You might not have been home.

You don't even owe them an explanation of why it was an inconvenience. Just a simple, "This is not a good time for us." Would be sufficient.

I understand that you had to take your wife's feelings into consideration, but she needed to consider yours also. If she wanted to entertain them fine. It was not your responsibility.

When my grandson was five years old, his attempts at hospitality made short work of the Baptists who came without invitation. He offered them a beer.