If you got to change 3 things in your past what would it be?

[Talkinsquirrel]

First thing: I would have been there to stop my mom. I would give up anything to change that.

Second thing: I would not have messed around so much my senior year. Whoo boy. I would have been able to graduate with my class. Yeah I'm not stupid just dumb

Third thing: I dont really have a third one. Three just sounded a lot better than two. Well I'm probaly going to regret those ultra hot wings I had for dinner.

So if you had the chance to change 3 things in your past what would they be?

[ChiefScott]

1. Given college a better shot.
2. Attended one more Dead show (hit 49 then Jerry died).
3. Took more chances.

[Falcon]

1. Talked to someone about my problems my senior year of college instead of trying to drink and eat away the pain, skipping class, and almost not graduating.

2. Not entering a very destructive relationship. or finding the courage to end it sooner. (Yes, I know this is vague, but it's as specific as I'm gonna get, so deal.)

3. Finding the strength to stand up to my parents a long time ago. Either that, or just tell them off.

[MagicalSilverKey]

# 1: I would have finished high school. I dropped out the 2nd semester of my Jr year. Pretty dumb thing to do so close to the end. My parents were divorcing and it really messed me up. I did get my GED though.

# 2: Dumped the evil girlfriend I had during the first days that I knew her. OR choose to not have known her at all.

# 3: If number 2 was corrected, there wouldn't have been a number three, so no need to put that one here.

[Michi]

I would have gone to University of Florida instead of the University of South Florida. I got wait listed at U of F because I applied too late, but all I could think of was moving out of the house so I went to USF instead. Once I got to USF (U Stay Forever), I lost my motivation to switch schools. BIG mistake.

I wish I had never wasted so much time on the last jerk I "dated."

I wish I had chosen to go with my father and brother to Hawaii.

[Michi]

Oh, I know you are supposed to view your less than stellar life moments as learning experiences, and regret nothing, but I guess I am not that emotionally healthy yet! :)

[Primaflora]

1. Finished my degree
2. Finished my book and sent it to the damned publisher even if he was a jerk
3. Made the bloody obstetrician do a proper scan of my baby who died instead of letting him send me home when I knew things were going wrong.

Geez.

Maybe the next decade will be better

[pLt]

1. Wouldn't have let things degenerate with my ex

2. Wouldn't have fled to the other side of the world if step a didn't work ...

3. When I came back from overseas, I should have come straight to my friends ... instead of going to try again.

[Amulet]

1. Would not have married my ex.

2. Would not have blown my college scholarship.

3. Would not have married my ex (yes, it was so bad it counts twice).

[Ayesha]

#1 - I would have finished school
#2 - I would not have married my first husband after knowing him for only two months.
#3 - I wouldn't have done whatever I did that gave me the Hepatitis C virus.

[Geek Mecha]

If I could do it all over again...

1. I would figure out a way to break up my best friend and her abusive boyfriend. It was when we were 13/14. Their relationship lasted almost four years, and it left lasting scars on us all.

2. I would go with Paul to the Senior Prom instead of with Henry. Paul had a years-long crush on me, and I should have gone out with him when I had the chance. He treated me wonderfully, and was a wonderful guy. I haven't seen him in five years, and I miss him. :(

3. I would have stayed in college a couple more semesters to take all the classes I was curious about.


So many regrets! :( {{{{fellow dopers}}}}

[SmoothOperator]

1. Taken care of my body/health better.

2. Finished college.

3. Lived on my own for awhile before I got married.

[SmoothOperator]

4. I would have kept in touch with friends better.

[bunnymom]

1.Not had my first son one month after I turned 17.

2.Not met, or even heard of, my ex.

3.Found some way to stop being miserably unhappy and angry as a teen.Then I would probably have made more effort with my education and really been somewhere by now.I know I would have made better choices.

[beakerxf]

1. Paid more attention in college, so I could have retained more.

2. I would have decided not to go to graduate school

3. I would like to have kept up my exercise routine after graduating. I'm trying to get into it again and its an uphill battle.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

(1) I would've done the year abroad in England that I talked myself out of my junior year in college

(2) I would've slept around a lot less in college, and focused more on having a healthy attitude about sex (Jesus I hope I didn't know any of you in college)

(3) I would've figured out how to pursue friendships with people. I've always sucked at this -- I still do -- and my past is full of amazing, inspiring people whom I wished I had gotten to know better.

[Kiki]

1. I moved out of my parent's house on my 18th birthday just so I could have a little freedom and I wasn't making much money at my job so I didn't think I could afford to go to college. I didn't know I could apply for grant/loans that would help pay tuition and living expenses. I wish I would have gone to college back then though and still lived on my own. It probably would've been fun.

2. I would have dated the loser that took my virginity but I wouldn't lose my virginity to him. I would still date him though because he showed me what I don't want in a man and that was a valuable lesson for me.

3. I wouldn't have married my ex-husband just because I was pregnant. I don't regret the pregnancy part of the realtionship but I was miserable for the 2 years we were married and I could've saved myself all that crap I went through.

[Dinsdale]

1. I wouldn't have been pretty much constantly stoned and drunk throughout high school, college, and grad school.

I, uh, forget the other 2. Now where's that hairshirt?

[Needs2know]

1. I would have gone to college right out of high school.

2. I would not have married my ex-husband.

3. I would have taken more risks with my career and my personal life.

Needs2know

[soulsling]

1. joined the Air Force instead of the Army
2. joined at an younger age, 18, as opposed to 20.
3. nothing else. my life is good the way it is, minus the lack of females involved intimately with me.

[Delta-9]

1. I would not have gotten married.

2. I would have finished college.

3. I would have listened to that little voice inside my head a long time ago when it told me to make music for a living, because that's what I enjoy the most, and do the best. Now, at 38 I am doing just that, but if I'd made the decision 10 or 20 years ago, who knows how successful I would be right now?

[lee]

Everyone is saying things they could have done differently. I hope these are not against the rules.

I wish that i had not been tortured in my elementary school. A torture that no adult in my life noticed, but was continued for 3 years culminating in rape. I wish some adult had listened and believed me about how bad it was and did something rather than tell me either to ignore it and it will go away or don't let them do that to you, there must be something you can do. Either way i wish i had not been raped.


I wish my mother had not allowed my brother to bully and beat me. I wish she had actually done something to make him behave an not played favorites while just pretending to be fair. I wished that when he left bruises and blacked my eyes that someone had valued me enough to see that he never did that again. I wish she would not nag me to contact my brother and be nice to him. He broke my nose 10 years ago and that is the last time i willingly talked to him. She is still mad at me because i am not nice to him.


I wish that my mother had not thrown out my portfolio and had not convinced me that art or design school was for people who wanted to be jobless losers. THis is the only one i had some control over. I tried my hardest on the other two to change them as they happened.

[Tally-Ho]

1. Wouldn't have moved away from my best bud, Jason, without getting his new address. We were just kids and both of our families were moving at the same time. He ended up somewhere across town and I ended up in Germany. Everything was so hectic I didn't get his address and I never heard from him again.

2. I would redo my freshman year at college and knuckle down and take it seriously. I slacked off and almost got myself kicked out. Spent the next four years trying to repair the damage to my GPA. I still wince when anyone asks for my transcript knowing that first year will be there for all to see.

3. I don't have a number three yet. I'm sure something will happen in the next few years...

[egkelly]

My three:
(1) would have NOT married my ex
(2) would have tried to court the girl I knew in 5th grade (she was the daughter of a surgeon-her old man was LOADED!)
(3) would have taken a year off from college-I will never be able to do some of the things I could have!

[Megling]

1. I would never, ever, ever, ever have slept with a guy who was 20 years older than me when I was 18. Come on, let's hear a collective, "Ewwwwww...!"

2. I wouldn't have permed my hair when I was in 4th grade. It's never been the same since. And they called me Medusa.

3. I would have fought harder for the things that I wanted. Giving up gracefully is one of the only true regrets I have.

But hey, I still like the giant fairy (the winged creature) I've got tattood on my ass. Ask me again in 10 years, though...

[ChrisP One Kenobe]

1. I wish I didn't quit modeling. I made a lot of money and had a fantastic time.

2. I wish I would have waited a little longer to get married. This caused reason #1.

3. I wish I wouldn't have lied so much when I was younger, because now, I sometimes have a hard time believing myself.

[StGermain]

1. I wish I'd worked a little harder my self-esteem issues, had been braver around men.

2. I would talk to my father more before he died last year.

3. I wish I could've decided what I wanted to be when I grew up, rather than drifting into my current sucky job.

StG

[SqrlCub]

1) I would have gotten back my 100 page story that I wrote in 8th grade that was stolen by my 9th grade English teacher. There was a lot of sexual tension in it between the main character (a reluctant werewolf) and his bestfriend/secret nemesis (an incubus). I thought it was good back then and the few people who had read it thought it was good. I would like to know if I would still think so today.

I don't think I have a two or three. For the most part I don't have regrets other than the one above. Most everything else has been a learning experience and I don't think I would want to change it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have talked to my sister the day before she died but I still view that as a learning experience. Plus when I tell people that we sang "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" at her funeral I can get the best looks of shock. heheheheh

HUGS!
Sqrl

[Olentzero]

1. Convinced my mother to leave my father any one of the numerous times she tried and then got cold feet. It took her 19 years, but too much shit happened by then to make it worth it.

2. Filled out my damn financial aid paperwork at U. Iowa and gotten enough money to stay there. Might have made the relationship I was in a lot easier, too.

3. Gone with my Russian buddy and spent a week or so with his family at home in the Urals instead of fretting about classes in St. Petersburg. (Hey, nobody said they had to be completely utterly serious!)

[mblackwell]

1. Tried harder in highschool
2. taken more science in high school
3. kept in touch with freinds from elementary school

[Mr. Cynical]

1. Never learned what Felching is.
2. Never learned what Squicking is.
3. Never found out that there is such a thing as sex with the opening for a colostomy bag. *BARF*

[Spolvy]

Only 3??
well, in no particular order...

I wish I had gone to see my dad when he died. Apparently he had melanoma for several years and never told me. My parents were divorced and when I was 16 I came back from a 2 week fishing trip. After 2 weeks in the wilderness (really, bears and everything) and a long drive from International Falls to Chicago I was drop dead tired. When I walked in the house, my mom told me that he was sick and I maybe I should go see him. She had just recently found out (while I was gone)and didn't really have too much info. He was at his home, with doctors, nurses and a morphine drip. It was only a 10 minute drive to his house but I decided not to go, I would go in the morning. He died that night. (what a dick! me...not him) (all those little freckles on your back, go make sure they are just freckles. Please)

I wish that while I was in high school I never would have decked my theology teacher and got thrown out. I was at a great prep school, good grades, varsity sports, bright future...and I fucked it all up in about 3 seconds. BTW, he started it, I just finished it. Bad move. It actually gets worse...he was a Benedictine monk, a priest. But he started it, I swear. He even stuck up for me at my expulsion hearing. Whoops.

I wish that I had been a bit wiser in my late teens and early 20's. I had the world handed to me and I blew it again. It is not often that you get a second chance to right the wrongs that you have committed. I got one and I screwed up. I was fortunate enough that my father was a wealthy man. He left me no money when he died because he wanted me to earn everything for myself. But he did leave a trust for me that could only be used for educational expenses. For the rest of my life. I could have gone to school anywhere on the planet for the rest of my life and never paid a cent for anything. Tuition, books, food, living expenses, rent, play money...everything was covered as long as I was in school and getting good grades. Well, when I was in college, my nickname was Spicoli (you figure it out.) As I didn't want to waste my time being wasted and in school, I left school with the intention of going back in a year or two. During that time, the lawyers in charge of the trust decided they no longer wanted to maintain it if I wasn't going to use it immediately and they made me an offer. I was 19 or 20 and someone offered me a check for $25,000. Like a myopic dumbass, I took it. That is the ONLY thing in my life that I regret. If I could undo that, I would.

[Edwardina]

These are hard, and I can easily come up with more than three. In chronological order:

1. Not dyed my hair black when I was fourteen. My mom warned me it might not grow back in the same. I didn't get it. I was a strawberry blonde, now I am a dishwater blonde/light brunette. *sigh*

2. Gone out for the swim team in my freshman year. Barring that, any year in high school.

3. Gotten a full night's sleep the night before I took my PSATs. One percentage point away from National Merit Scholar. *kicks self repeatedly*

4. Stayed home instead of going to live with one of my best friends during the second semester of my junior year. This had far-reaching implications I never could have imagined at the time.

5. Bought a car with the $1000 I recieved for my high school graduation instead of taking the attitude that it wasn't enough to do a darn thing with and blowing it on I don't know what.

6. Barring success with the full-night's-sleep-before-the-PSAT issue, I should have joined the military right out of high school. Preferably the Air Force, if not, the Navy. I have lacked self-discipline all my life. Also, I think I would have been much better suited to it than I realized back then. At least I would have been earning money (for college!) and learning a skill instead of wasting my time for over 4 years . . .

7. When I was contemplating joining the Navy 3 years ago, I should have done it as soon as I got down within their weight requirement, but instead I procrastinated, and after awhile I changed my mind . . . again. And eventually I gained the weight back, too.

8. Taken better care of my great-grandmother while she was alive, and visited her more often. I wish there was something more I could have done for her while I had the chance.

9. Stayed in college this last time instead of dropping out again when my great-grandmother died.

10. Pulled over to the side of the road when I felt sleepy while driving home last month, instead of getting so drowsy that I failed to notice I was driving off the road, thereby wrecking my roommate's car.

I could go on and on and on, but these are the big ones. I lie awake at night wishing I could go back and do just one of these things differently. It would have made such a difference in my life . . . and I would have avoided a lot of needless grief and/or guilt. Making this list almost made me cry here at work.

[SwimmingRiddles]

I try to live my life regret-free. Everything that's happened to me in my life has taught me something important, especially the crappy things. I wouldn't want to relive them, but I wouldn't be who I am today unless they happened.

No regrets.

[iampunha]

Spolvy, you sound like someone who could have gone to the high school I went to. Was yours in RI?

I am of the opinion that changing anything in one's past can fuck up one's future more so than it is. That said, :

1. I would not have done nearly so much bragging the first month of high school. It fucked me three ways until sunday for the rest of my high school time.

2. I would have gone to class more often this past term, instead of sitting in my room.

3. I would have gone to mass a few months back and seen a friend of mine before she left for Cali the next day.

I know these seem recent, but I can't remember most of the shit before high school. Can't remember much from high school, either.

[ReservoirDog]

So nobody would have married their ex, huh? Imagine that.

1. There are a few women I would not have slept with. Not because I didn't enjoy it, but because some people simply cannot separate sex and love. I didn't used to be one of them.

2. I would have tried a bit harder in college to learn the more technical aspect of my field. Probably could have a career by now.

3. I would not have read and posted to this depressing thread.

[hypergirl]

1) I would not have hooked up with a friend of mine (yes, Blinder). That whole thing led me into a huge downward spiral and has been coming back to kick me in the ass ever since.

2) Basically, because of reason 1 I would not mind redoing this whole year.

Before this year I don't really regret anything.

[Whack-a-Mole]

I don't believe in second guessing myself. Wondering if I should have gone right instead of turning left. My past makes me who I am today. Not perfect but not too bad either. I could make a Freudian psychologists career if I really started letting loose on this stuff...

With that in mind here are my three...

1) Had more sex in highschool (man it was FUN back then..still is but the newness and risk added something).

2) Gone to the Stevie Ray Vaughn concert at Alpine Valley instead of doing some stupid family stuff.

3) Had more sex in college (when the energy levels were still bottomless).

[KimKatt]

What can I say? I'm with Swiddles and Jeff. Most of the really shitty decisions that I have made, I can see where making that decision very likely prevented something even worse, so if the end result means anything, I am happy where I am today. And there was a not so distant time when I never would have believed that happiness was possible for me. So the major life learning experiences are out as possiblilities.

But on a less monumental scale, there are a couple of hearts out there that I wouldn't have broken quite so lightly, given more time to think about what I was doing to them, or knowing how badly they were going to take it.

And I think I would have named my daughter something different, had I known that every fourth girl born for the 5 years to come (okay, I am exagerrating) would get her name as well.

[Rock-n-Rolga]

1) Well, I still would have married my ex, because he really helped me get my act together for the first couple of years. But I wouldn't have held on so long to a marriage that was dead in the water.

2)Would have stuck with college the first time around.

3)Would have slept with the guys I didn't sleep with and not slept with the guys I did (for the most part).

[dougie_monty]

1. I would not have suffered from schizophrenia and poor social skills :(
2. I would have arranged for proper acne treatment
3. I would have made a more aggressive effort to go to college just after high school, and maybe would have a better life by now

[kunilou]

I played a little what-if game not long ago and the result, had one little thing gone the way I wanted it to at the time, wound up with my parents divorced, me in a small town, and marriage to a much nicer woman than my first wife -- who would have divorced me anyway.

Be careful what you wish for.

[Baker]

I was not one of the "in"crowd in high school. #1 speaks to that.
(1) When I saw an "in" crowd girl ranting at another girl(even more out than I was) and accusing her of stealing her comb in gym class, I would have spoken up, instead of being a coward and staying mum.
(2) When I found the stray kitten that was sick(dying) instead of taking it to the animal shelter to die I should have taken it to the vet and seen it put to sleep more quickly and painlessly. But again I was a coward and didn't want to see it die.
(3)When my ex, before the divorce was final, asked me on the phone if I thought there was any chance of a reunion, I wish I had not said "Mpppllllt!!! There was no chance of a reunion, he had said some really awful things, but it takes two to make a breakup, and we had had good times. He didn't deserve my putdown.

There's a lot of things been done to me that I wish could change, but on those I had no ability to stop them. The three above I could have changed myself but didn't.

[Proudest Monkey]

Sarah, when I read your numbers 1, 2 and 4, I thought, "what the hell? I don't remember posting those things about myself! Wait a minute...that's someone else posting my regrets!" :)

Oh well, I've thought some others:
I would have gone to my state university for less than 1/4 the cost of attending a small, homogeneous, private liberal arts college. I'm convinced that my education would have been no less demanding, considerably cheaper, and would have left me better prepared for life (read: work) afterwards.

I would never have left that fake "I love you, from Robbie" note in Rae Anne's desk in the 6th grade.

I would have taken Muffin (kitty) to the vet sooner than I did. :(

[Ike Witt]

Three things to change...good question.

1) I never would have started smoking if I had any idea the bitch it would become.

2) I would have slept with Kathy when I had the chance.

3) I would have learned to play an instrument.

I can think of a couple more, but these are the things that come to me right away.

[Persephone]

Count me among the folk that have no regrets.

I've done things that range from frivolous to just plain stupid. Some have been accidental, some have been deliberate. The results range from a simple slap in the forehead and a "Why did I do that! D'OH!" to far more serious consequences.

I cannot bring myself to regret them, though. I just can't. Some of the things I've done, while they may have been stupid, were either a) one hell of a lot of fun, b) a valuable learning experience, or c) both. There's even a few things that even now, if I were given the opportunity, I would do again in a heartbeat.

Everything I've done has affected me, and made me the person I am right now. All of the people I've encountered have left their fingerprints on my heart, mind, and soul. I treasure them, even the bad ones.

I'm finally at a point in my life where I like myself, and it's because of the mistakes I've made (hell, the mistakes I continue to make). I am still learning, changing, and growing, and it's one hell of a lot of fun.

[Poysyn]

1. Would not have gone to the bar on June 10, 1995. The night a friend of mine and I were crossing the street and she was hit and killed by a guy drag racing. (PTSD and depression are no fun, whatsoever)

2. Would not have lost my virginity to the guy I did and would have broken up with him long before he raped me.

3. Would have left the army after two years instead of trying to stick it out for four.

4. Would have gotten my best friend out of the house where her mom and stepdad were beating on her and her stepdad was messing with her. I also would've gotten her the help she needed so she wasn't as screwed up now.

5. Would've joined modeling earlier, was too old to really make a go of it by the time I did.

6. Would've made an honest try at acting as a career, before giving it up.

7. Would have protected my oldest sister from the asshole that raped her.

[Proudest Monkey]

I just gotta add one more.

I wish I had told Ma'sy (my grandmother) how much she meant to me and how much I loved her before she died.

[Shirley Ujest]

Count me in as one who considers the Woulda/shoulda moments in life as little learning lessons.

After reading everyone's deep personal regrets, mine is awfully shallow:

1) I wish when we were building our house that I had put my foot down a little harder ( like on said husband's head) and stuck to my guns about getting wood floors. $7,000 then ( before kids and misc debt) was easier to pay off then ($35-45 bucks extra on the mortgage) than the $2300 we need now to put in the cheaper stuff that we can afford.

OTOH, we can play connect the dots with the splotches on our living room carpet courtesy of me, hubby, the dog and various barfing and bowel movements debacles and the recent Toddler and a sippy cup-filled-with-red-kool-aid-that-the lid-wasn't- on- tight- enough- Episode.


2) I wish after the stock market crash in 86 I had listened to my best friends father in law, who was a stock broker, and had invested in stocks then. Then Regret #1 would not be here.

[Persephone]

(minor hijack)

OTOH, we can play connect the dots with the splotches on our living room carpet courtesy of me, hubby, the dog and various barfing and bowel movements debacles and the recent Toddler and a sippy cup-filled-with-red-kool-aid-that-the lid-wasn't- on- tight- enough- Episode.

Oh Shirley, do I ever know how you feel!

I had hardwood floors in the house I just moved from. I've got carpet now. I actually do prefer the carpet, but boy, does it ever need a shampoo, and even that might not work. I bought this house just a few months ago from my uncle. I remember when he put this carpet in. Lovely off-white, it was, for quite a long time. Then my uncle and his wife had triplets. The triplets are two now, prime mess making age. Then I move in here with my three-year-old and my just-learning-to-crawl baby. My carpet is covered with spots left by the triplets, plus several new ones. My uncle apologized for the state of the carpet, but I just said "hey, no problem. My kids will just see finding a clean spot to destroy as a challenge."

(end minor hijack)

[dewt]

Originally posted by Mr. Cynical

3. Never found out that there is such a thing as sex with the opening for a colostomy bag. *BARF*

As of 45 seconds ago, this had never even entered my mind as something anyone would consider. Now I've got a visual that won't go away.

My regrets:

Anyone who's read my pit could understand why I'd choose to have never met my ex. But I have a son of that and I can't very well go wishing him out of existance, even in pretend.

So here they are. Only three. I've got at least a dozen doozies.

First and foremost.
#1 I would have never cheated on my (current) wife. She's the greatest ever and didn't deserve that betrayal.

#2 I would have listened to my mom more often.

#3 I wouldn't have left home at such a young age. (15) There are better ways to prove your independence.