Things that piss IT people off

[Maxxxie]

Pet peeve for today:

When I am in the main part of the office, and I am plugging leads into a patch panel, do not walk up behind me and make fake explosion noises, or talk loudly to the person next to you along the lines of "Max is about to blow everything up", or "Max is touching things, the system's gonna crash", or some other smart-arse wise-alecky thing. It's not funny, and it pisses me off. I'm a professional, goddamit, and very good at my job!

And listen, you pack of ungrateful cunts, ever since I took this job, downtime has been reduced to less than 24 hours a year (combined downtime for over 40 servers). That's 99.72% uptime for the combined infrastructure! Most of our systems (with the exception of the aging VMS system) are operating at 100% availability! Even the fucking VMS system, for all its flaws, has a greater than 99% availability. So fuck off. Just fuck off already!

The next prick who says something witty the next time I'm trying to do an upgrade will find a CAT5e cable stuck up his or her arse. It'll feel oh-so-good going in, but I promise it won't be easy pulling it back out. You have been warned.

IT people and/or techie types: feel free to add your pet peeves here!

:D Max

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Actually, mine's the same as yours. The joke, "Man, what'd you break THIS time?" wasn't funny the first time I came over to fix your ailing computers; why do you think it's still funny after five years?

I know that our computers are in a damp, fur-filled environment with leaky roofs and unstable temperatures. I can't control that. I can just try to use enough duct tape and baling wire, and a little bit of chewing gum, to keep them all working. Please make your jokes funnier.

Daniel

[LindyHopper]

"Fur-filled"?

[Doctor Jackson]

I know that our computers are in a damp, fur-filled environment with leaky roofs and unstable temperatures.

Your computers are in a vagina?

[mattmorgan64]

In my shop they know not to joke. Or rather, that they are the slightest bit unsure about how it may be received. (During working hours anyway.... if it's after 5 and I've got a beer in my hand, you can say pretty much whatever ya want).

One guy thought he was being really funny ONE time. He didn't think that after 6 months went by and his 'problem' was still unrepaired; while meanwhile the guy next to him had his 'problem' resolved in a few minutes.

Course, I support a small group of about 10 users, for a family business. But we do still have all the fancy doo hickeys that tend to break from time to time; from patch panels to SQL servers.

After having worked in IT in corporate America for more than a decade - it's about time I was able to just plain old tell someone to fuck off if they don't deserve my help.

Feels good, too.

[OtakuLoki]

Egads, the only jokes I'd ever make around IT types would be along the lines of: "I didn't do anything to that machine." What kind of person goes around blaming the doctor for their own ills?

[Waverly]

Yeah, you really want to hear my IT pet peeves?

My freakin’ notebook is my freakin’ notebook. Unless I’m endangering the data or the hardware itself, you have no reason to change settings and lock me out. I don’t want my computer to hibernate after 20min of inactivity. It screws up lengthy synchs when I’m on the road.

Don’t treat me like an imbecile because the VPN doesn’t work at remote locations. I’ve verified that it works on my home network, so clearly I haven’t ‘broken’ it. And, as God as my witness, if you ask me if I’ve got the cable plugged in or if the caps lock was on while I typed the password, I will bludgeon you into a bloody heap of jelly.

Do I really need to prove that IE is security risk? Enable the ports Opera uses for chrissake so that I don’t have to use IE anymore.

Don’t tell me that both a bios level password and a MS login are both required by law. That’s just silly. Pick one or the other.

Your expensive re-mailer and spam filter lets through more spam than Hawaiian diner. Ironically, I never received any before the ‘upgrade’.

Yes, I installed Palm software and a DVD player on my computer. Want to fight about it?

Don’t give me eight-hundered and fifty reasons why a customer can’t get limited access to data on our servers until you have at least listened to what they want to do. You’d rather not, I get it, but at least wait to understand what is being asked before you manufacture excuses.

[UrbanChic]

[...]if the caps lock was on while I typed the password, I will bludgeon you into a bloody heap of jelly.I'm sorry. Perhaps you have the Num Lock activated?

[SusanStoHelit]

"Fur-filled"?

I'm pretty sure LoD works in an animal shelter.

[Quartz]

We still have casual Fridays. In summer, wearing my BOFH tee-shirt tends to remind people.

[Ethilrist]

Your computers are in a vagina?
No, that'd be fur-covered.

Wow. Animal shelter, huh?

Maybe crazed monkeys really have had their way with the server...

[LindyHopper]

I'm pretty sure LoD works in an animal shelter.Well, good. Because I was imagining all sorts of bizarre situations in which a tech environment might be filled with fur.

None of them pleasant to contemplate, by the way. :)

[catsix]

Doctor Jackson said:
Your computers are in a vagina?

If you think vaginas are fur-filled, I have to conclude that you failed gynecology. ;)

Here, we have people who stand outside the server room, peering through the glass, mesmerized by das blinkenlites!

[QuickSilver]

"...why yes, I am in the IT industry. I'm a system/data archi.... aha... Well, ummm... No, I can't really say why your printer is jamming."

"...yes, yes I am looking for new opportunities.... really?... your son does the same thing?.... I see, he works with computers. You must be so proud."

"....ah... so every time you load your needlepoint instruction software your bridge game stops working?.... hmmmm.... well, I wasn't consulted when those particular programs were written. Yes, I'll do some research on the internet and get back to you."

[silenus]

And people wonder why the ones on my Christmas list, the secretaries and the techies, get home-made treats (like Bourboned Cherries and hand-made candy) and the rest of the faculty get stiffed! :D

[enipla]

PEBKAC -

problem exists between keyboard and chair

[catsix]

'... why no I'm not familiar with Blah Blah Bible software... no, just because I am a computer engineer does not mean I know every piece of software ever written....'

Why do people insist upon pissing off the ones who control their Internet access and have the ability to read their email?

[MC$E]

Thank you for forwarding all the SPAM you get on your home account to the IT team.
:rolleyes:

[Anaamika]

Yeah, that "fur-filled" really derailed a perfectly good rant. After I read that I couldn't remember anything else in that post, anyway.

[Maxxxie]

Yeah, that "fur-filled" really derailed a perfectly good rant. After I read that I couldn't remember anything else in that post, anyway.

Harumph!

Let me recap for you:



Don't make jokes about the IT person while they're busy trying to fix your problem
At least have the common sense to wait until they're out of earshot
Otherwise the IT person will exact a very unpleasant revenge upon you!


MC$E, oh yeh, this is one of my favourites. Our spam filter catches a whole lot of spam, but sometimes it's not too sure if an email is legitimate or not.. so it sends a notification to the user, along the lines of "You've received an email with such-and-such a subject header, we've put it aside as spam, but just in case this message is NOT spam, just reply to this message and it will be automatically released".

Do they reply to the message? No. They forward it to me, with the question, "what do I do to get this message?". :rolleyes:

Catsix, sometimes when it all gets too much, I issue an empty threat such as, "Piss me off any more and I'll remove all mention of you from the payroll computer!". It's a joke, but nevertheless it works. It doesn't matter that I don't have access to the payroll computer. Or that even if I did, my sense of ethics would stop me from doing such a thing. What matters is that they stop for a moment and (usually) realise they're being twats and to just shut the fuck up!

I'm feeling a little disgruntled at the moment. Please, carry on :)



:D Max

[mhendo]

Don’t treat me like an imbecile because the VPN doesn’t work at remote locations. I’ve verified that it works on my home network, so clearly I haven’t ‘broken’ it. Hah!

My university has a VPN setup that allows students and faculty to gain aaccess to the library's subscription-only databases from home, or on the road.

I'm no tech genius, but i've learned a bit about computers over the past few years, and i'm also very good at following instructions if it's something that is new to me.

I tried to set up the VPN client on my home computer. I followed the instructions to the letter, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Downloaded the program, installed, restarted, had my router properly configured, everything.

Start the program and it asks for my username and password. Everything is looking good. I key them in and hit "Connect." It searches for a while and then asks for my password again. This doesn't look good. I enter the password again, but after a few seconds it gives me an error message saying that it is unable to connect to the remote VPN server.

So i contact tech support. The first level of tech support, of course, cannot help me. They have never once been able to help me. So they take my number, generate a ticket, and someone else calls me back later. This next person tells me that they don't support the VPN software. I say "WTF? This is university-provided software that is designed to let me gain access to a university-provided service, and you're telling me that university tech support can't even help me get it set up?" Well, she can't help me, but she asks me to send her a screen shot of the error message, and she'll pass it on to someone else.

A few days later i get another call, from a different guy. I can tell, just by listening to him ask questions and talk about my problem, that this guy knows what he's talking about. But then comes the bad news:

Despite the fact that this VPN software is provided specifically for installing on home computers, for the express purpose of allowing access to the library databases from home, the VPN software and server have been set up so that they will not function if the home user is using a software firewall. And disabling your firewall is not enough. If the VPN software even detects that there is a firewall installed, it will not function. According to the tech guy, this is because of "security concerns," although he couldn't or wouldn't say exactly what security concerns might arise from me having Sygate Personal Firewall on my computer.

How stupid is this? The system is designed specifically for home users. If home users are smart, they will have a firewall installed. And the VPN client is specifically engineered so it won't work with a firewall. Brilliant!

[larsenmtl]

I'm not technically in the IT department but just yesterday a random woman who I've never seen before stops me...

Random Woman in Hallway: Do you know where my new computer is?
Me: Huh?
RWIH: You work in IT don't you?
Me: No, I work in the Bioinformatics and Algorithms department
RWIH: Right, so where's my new computer?
Me: Um, I don't work in IT
RWIH: So, you don't know where my computer is?

I feel our IT department's pain. They are, generally, on top of things. I like to smack those that complain because we have got it good.

[Mycroft Holmes]

Do I really need to prove that IE is security risk? Enable the ports Opera uses for chrissake so that I don’t have to use IE anymore.

[angry techie mode]It's the same damn ports you twit. http is http no matter what browser you're using. If you want any ports other than 80, 25 and 110 (yeah, we'll let you email too) open, you'll have to buy the company.[/angry techie mode]

Seriously now, why would you need to open ports in the firewall to use Opera? You should switch to Firefox anyway. Way better than Opera.

[broys]

Pet peeves...hmm...got an hour?

My biggest pet peeve is that users don't seem to take a hint. We have 5 school buildings spread out across the county. We have approximately 300 phones (one in each classroom and office), along with about 850 computers (average of 3 per classroom just about). Every staff member also has e-mail. But many times when they have a problem do they call us? Nope. Do they e-mail us? Nope. Instead they wait until I'm carrying a 50 pound server across the building and then stop and tell me all their problems.

They also give notes to the secretaries and hand them to me when I come out to their buildings. Most of the times the problems are fixable over the phone or require me to bring a special part or accessory with me but since I didn't know about it until I get to the building I have to make another trip out.

We spent around $200,000 for a Cisco IP Phone system and what do we do with it, let it collect dust and pass notes around like we're in high school study hall. :rolleyes:

One other thing I'm dealing with today. One of the former secretaries who now only substitutes for when other non-certified staff are absent has been trying to get me together with some woman she knows at church who is old enough to be my mother. :smack: I've already told her once that I'm not interested in geriatrics and that women my age are more to my liking. She left a note on my desk to call her about the lady. I'm not going to call and if she calls me I'm going to have to nicely tell her to fuck off. I don't need pity damn it.

I told my boss that work would be a lot more fun if we were allowed to show up drunk.

[Waverly]

[angry techie mode]It's the same damn ports you twit. http is http no matter what browser you're using. If you want any ports other than 80, 25 and 110 (yeah, we'll let you email too) open, you'll have to buy the company.[/angry techie mode]

Seriously now, why would you need to open ports in the firewall to use Opera? You should switch to Firefox anyway. Way better than Opera.A typical tech weenie response. Who do you suppose described the problem as a ports issue? Why our friendly neighborhood IT geek! I personally happen to know it is more accurately Microsoft’s NTLM authentication, but if the AV club wants to dumb it down for me so that my puny mind can grasp the concept, they can have at it.

Regarding your Firefox recommendation: Are you familiar with my theories regarding SDMB members who attempt to ‘solve’ software problems simply by flogging their own favorite package without regard to the underlying problem? I believe that they have schizotypal personalities, and an acute inability to have a meaningful or useful conversation with another person. It’s just a theory mind you.

[Fritz]

One guy thought he was being really funny ONE time. He didn't think that after 6 months went by and his 'problem' was still unrepaired; while meanwhile the guy next to him had his 'problem' resolved in a few minutes.

Feels good, too.

So if somebody pisses you off for whatever reason, you'll make sure that that person pays, right? Do people have to suck up to you in order to get anything done?

That's not terribly professional, is it? :rolleyes:

I was trying to access an ftp site after my company made some changes to their security scheme. I couldn't use IE anymore, I had to download and use Filezilla. I set it up using our IT dpt's instructions, but I couldn't connect to the ftp site.
After a couple of days of back and forth emails, one of the head IT guys came to my office and worked on it - eventually finding that one switch in the Filezilla setup was not correct. He set it correctly and was able to connect.
I was relieved but...
once he found the problem, he told everyone concerned that the problem was caused by "User Error."

Bullshit - you're instructions were woefully inadequate. Dipshit.

[Excalibre]

Regarding your Firefox recommendation: Are you familiar with my theories regarding SDMB members who attempt to ‘solve’ software problems simply by flogging their own favorite package without regard to the underlying problem? I believe that they have schizotypal personalities, and an acute inability to have a meaningful or useful conversation with another person. It’s just a theory mind you.
That's why you should buy a Mac!

My favorite part of it is when people offer their "helpful advice" when it's completely irrelevant to the situation at hand.

[Scott Plaid]

I am posting from a public terminal. Last night there was a power failure, and no one turned on the power again, on the terminals. When I wanted to use a terminal, I had to reach under the monitor, fish around for the unit, and find an on switch without being able to see what I was doing. Sure, so I got some nice "thank you" from the girls who came along latter, whose terminals needed to be turned on too, but if they weren’t so impossible for a newbie to find, I wouldn't have to help in the first place. Hello, sys-ops, if you don't want people to be able to access the computers, but want it to be used as a closed system, use dumb terminals!
P.S. I know this isn't along the same idea as the other posts, but I fix computers for money sometimes, on a contract, so I guess I barely qualify as an IT guy, thus saving me from starting a "Things that piss non-IT people off", that would probably only get my response.

[Waverly]

That's why you should buy a Mac!

My favorite part of it is when people offer their "helpful advice" when it's completely irrelevant to the situation at hand.
Yeah, it’s the problem solving equivalent of premature ejaculation – or in the case of platform wars – premature eMaculation.

It’s not the right time, probably not the right place either, but they just can’t keep their cerebral spooge from running down the front of their pants.

[Anonymous Coward]

A typical tech weenie response. Who do you suppose described the problem as a ports issue? Why our friendly neighborhood IT geek! I personally happen to know it is more accurately Microsoft’s NTLM authentication, but if the AV club wants to dumb it down for me so that my puny mind can grasp the concept, they can have at it.



Hey, if your tech weenies spout out disinformation just to make you shut up, that's a shame. However, if you go and pass that disinformation on to us nice tech weenies without telling us that you know it's crap (hint: we can't see you winking at the monitor ;)) then don't be surprised if we call you on it.

I honestly like the people I support and do what I can to make their lives easier. However I've long since learned that going "techie" when describing a problem often makes their eyes glaze over. If a problem is complex enough I'll give my users a choice between the short answer (it's a network issue) or a long answer (the firewall is dropping ACKS due to a firmware issue. A rollback will need to be done to fix the issue).

[Waverly]

Hey, if your tech weenies spout out disinformation just to make you shut up, that's a shame. However, if you go and pass that disinformation on to us nice tech weenies without telling us that you know it's crap (hint: we can't see you winking at the monitor ;)) then don't be surprised if we call you on it.You are right.
In all honesty, I had forgotten my :dubious: at the explanation. I researched it on my own time and sent the info over to IT, but couldn’t be arsed to follow up and forgot about it.

This disinformation tactic is common, though. They must have learned it from automotive mechanics.

[Wallenstein]

Worst are the "almost-techies" who will sigh loudly and obviously when you ask them to go through the standard checklist.

"Look, I know about computers and I know what the problem is so just fix it for me, m'kay?"

Well...

1) Bet ya ain't as clued up as you think you are (otherwise your machine wouldn't be buggered, now would it?!)

2) 99% of IT user problems are simple settings, so it makes perfect sense to go through the basics first, as that usually sort sit!

I used to get ticked off when IT staff asked me to run the basics (even we I thought I knew what the problem was) but now I let them go through it and answer politely, and eventually tell them what I think the issue is.

Much more likely to get it fixed quickly that way :)

[Selkie]

Do not tell the technical writer that "You are not a reader" and expect her to do something to accomodate you.

Do not damn the technical writer's work with the scant praise of "B'b'b'ut I can understand this! Really, I can!" The technical writer is well aware that many in her profession are total hacks, but you've been working with her for weeks and would hope you've noticed that she is conversant with the English language.

Do not complain to the IT project manager when her techs are too busy upgrading the system in time for Y2k to de-bug third party software you weren't supposed to install in the first place. She will not be sympathetic to pleas that you are a manager.

Do not tell the project manager that because you're a business manager, it's important that you have a computer special-ordered for you because you want something that's "prettier than what everyone else has."

Do not tell the project manager that you refuse to plug in the entire new network that her techs worked massive OT to build and ship overseas in record time because it "isn't exactly what you wanted," (and when "what they wanted" provoked deriseive laughter from the CIO and company President) especially when what you received was the best hardware in any office in the global company - and which is, in fact, much better than what the project manager herself is working with.

Do not provide specs for a new reporting function that contain a major date error, override the programmers' objections to said date error and insist they code to the original specs, sign off on a waiver stating that they are aware of the problem and want IT to proceed anyway, participate in meetings for months in which the date error is repeatedly mentioned as a major problem, and THEN decide that the programmers have to scrap everything and fix the date error.

Do not expect the web developer to write code using pen and paper for three days and then ask her to show samples to the company President half a continent away.

Whew, I feel much better now.

[Anonymous Coward]

Worst are the "almost-techies" who will sigh loudly and obviously when you ask them to go through the standard checklist.



I used to do this as well. Now that I'm older and wiser I just follow along like a good boy and realize that sooner or later I'm going to get the problem solved. I'll even admit that sometimes it was my screwup and the initial checklist solved the problem.

[Mycroft Holmes]

A typical tech weenie response. Who do you suppose described the problem as a ports issue? Why our friendly neighborhood IT geek! I personally happen to know it is more accurately Microsoft’s NTLM authentication, but if the AV club wants to dumb it down for me so that my puny mind can grasp the concept, they can have at it.

Regarding your Firefox recommendation: Are you familiar with my theories regarding SDMB members who attempt to ‘solve’ software problems simply by flogging their own favorite package without regard to the underlying problem? I believe that they have schizotypal personalities, and an acute inability to have a meaningful or useful conversation with another person. It’s just a theory mind you.

Well in that case I'm on your side. The IT geek should not have told you it had anything to do with the ports, because that would just confuse someone who has any idea about what ports are.

Also, I agree that they should let you use Opera, Firefox, Lynx, Mosaic or any damn browser you want. Heck I'm at work right now browsing with Firefox on my Debian Woody box. Then again we have the luxury of having two machines on our desk. One is our so called "production" machine which is used for internal emails and all other internal applications, and we aren't allowed to change anything on it (we don't have admin rights on it). The other is our "test" machine where we can do anything we want as long as it's not illegal, and if we break it we fix it. IT won't even touch this box.

P.S.: My Mozilla Hypnopiranha (I love my Firesomething extension) is still better than Opera though ;)

[Lord Ashtar]

There was a Dilbert joke I'd love to try sometime.

"I'll just reprogram your computer so the radiation mutates your DNA."
"You can do that?"
"As far as you know."

My personal pet peeve is when people call me up to tell me the "system is slow". Well, no shit sheriff. It's the first day of the month. That's the time in my company when every project manager has his admin print off a bunch of status reports so they can be put in a binder on a shelf and never looked at again. It doesn't matter that we've built a whole other reporting program from stratch so they could print reports to their hearts content and not affect the production server. But no, they "want their information to come directly from the source". :rolleyes: Hey, dumbasses! It's the same data!

Users suck.

[Bitterness Comes Standard]

At least for a little while you will really see why my username is Bitterness Comes Standard.

My username actually came from one of my co-workers.

A couple of pet peeves:

1) We move people in my company constantly. Every couple of months at least 1/3 of the building will rearrange the seating. But the moves that kills me the most is when it’s one seat over. Or they will cascade the whole row. I could maybe understand when the person moves to a different department but come on, especially when it’s within the same cube. The in addition to that I would say a majority of my users have multiple monitors, sometimes up to eight.

2) The jokes never bother me; I just usually play along or respond with a smart-ass comment. What kills me are users who put in a help tickets (we use Remedy), then tries to do my job. Look I never claim to be an IT God, nor do I want that title, but why did you call for help if you think you know so much? Usually they’ll mess it up the computer and then I have to reimage the machine. One guy tried to clean his own spyware and he went through and started to delete any file he didn’t recognize. You can guess what happened then.

3) Weatherbug - What the hell, you can’t look outside, or go to a local news website, or weather site?!?!?

4) Completely ridiculous requests that are of high or urgent priority. Now the users call the help desk and they create the tickets. The help desk obvious has little troubleshooting skills, to deal with very high demanding users. These are the following requests I have had that required immediate assistance:

a) Someone needed his monitor moved two inches. So he could see the screen better.
b) Immediate speakers install. We later found out it was to listen to a sports match.
c) Calls to setup a new user, with no contact information.
d) The printer close to someone is jammed. We only have over 200 printers in my building.
e) One guy wanted to know why his excel was a different color green.
f) The guy who is leaving to go out of town in the next five minutes and needs something setup or configured before he leaves. (Gee you didn’t think about this, even when you got to work.

5) Not my work related, but I constantly hear commercials for DeVry, ITT Tech, or other computer training classes. They all say the same thing, bragging about how many jobs there are in the IT field. Really they must not be talking about the Ohio area, because there are plenty of unemployed techies around here.

Of course my favorite lately is spyware, especially when users and managers complain the computers are too slow. Hey I have an idea for you, stop downloading every toolbar you can think of or clicking on every popup or mini game you see. I love the, “I don’t surf anywhere I am not suppose to.” Well you must be going somewhere, I surf when I have time and my computer doesn’t have spyware.

To end this rant, because I could go on for a while we once had a lady put in a request that her keyboard just stopped working. We later found out she omitted to tell us, she actually accidentally spilled her gin and tonic on it.

[Clothahump]

I love it when I get a request for a custom query from a user, and it is something that someone with three functioning brain cells can generate from the front-end filter screen. And then they tell me "I don't have time to learn how to fill in three blanks and click a button; that's your job" (a direct quote).

And then they complain when I work on things that have a higher priority. And then they get pissed when I point out that if they had filled in the three blanks and clicked the button two days ago, they would have had their report already.

Thank Og for e-mail. The last time I went through this with a user, I saved the entire e-mail exchange as documentation that justified my removing his access to the database. I restored it two days later and advised him to learn how to use the front-end filter. He has since shut up.

The BOFH is my hero!

[BrotherCadfael]

So if somebody pisses you off for whatever reason, you'll make sure that that person pays, right? Do people have to suck up to you in order to get anything done?

That's not terribly professional, is it? :rolleyes: True enough.

On the other hand, when you call my office, tell me that something is broken and you need to be in committee with your document in ten minutes, and then, when I walk in your door, you tell me that you "don't have time to deal with this", you shouldn't be too surprised that this problem goes to the bottom of my "to do" pile.

[catsix]

Fritz said:
So if somebody pisses you off for whatever reason, you'll make sure that that person pays, right? Do people have to suck up to you in order to get anything done?

If I show up to fix a user's problem and they insist upon the IT guy coming to fix it, I give them one more chance to accept my highly qualified help and then I'll leave. It will also be a while before the IT guy gets around to solving their problem.

Waverly said:
Regarding your Firefox recommendation: Are you familiar with my theories regarding SDMB members who attempt to ‘solve’ software problems simply by flogging their own favorite package without regard to the underlying problem?

Sometimes the solution to a problem does involve getting rid of or at least not using insecure and unstable software in favor of something that does not have those problems. If a particular piece of software has these major flaws, of course I'm going to recommend that people use something else.

This disinformation tactic is common, though. They must have learned it from automotive mechanics.

It's sometimes a necessary evil considering some of the people we get who needle for an answer they like instead of the correct one.

e-logic said:
1) Bet ya ain't as clued up as you think you are (otherwise your machine wouldn't be buggered, now would it?!)

Not all computer problems are user error, and not all companies look kindly on users who know something fixing their own.

Anonymous Coward said:
I used to do this as well. Now that I'm older and wiser I just follow along like a good boy and realize that sooner or later I'm going to get the problem solved.

I used to. Until I had to call tech support for a monitor that was still under warranty and had failed. After being told it was the monitor that was 'incompatible with Windows NT', I quit happily following along the script.

As for my users, I'd like to let them know that yes, I can tell when you called to say that you couldn't access that really important website that you absolutely needed to do your job but it was blocked by the firewall that it really was a website relating to people with both sets of genetalia, and we are most certinaly not a medical office specializing in intersex adults.

[Waverly]

On the other hand, when you call my office, tell me that something is broken and you need to be in committee with your document in ten minutes, and then, when I walk in your door, you tell me that you "don't have time to deal with this", you shouldn't be too surprised that this problem goes to the bottom of my "to do" pile.
Such passive aggression isn’t going to get you very far. I would suggest that you politely let people know that they are slowing you down when they do this, but that you keep the issue right where it belongs on your priority list. That’s the professional thing to do. People who communicate tend to work better together. People who enjoy furtively punishing others without trying a direct approach first aren’t too useful.

[mattmorgan64]

So if somebody pisses you off for whatever reason, you'll make sure that that person pays, right? Do people have to suck up to you in order to get anything done?

That's not terribly professional, is it? :rolleyes:



No, if someone pisses me off for a specific reason; like say when I spend the time to load and tune a new system for them, give them full admin rights, explain to them that they have the power to royally screw things up, or use the computer as a tool to complete their work.... and then they click 'Yes', Accept', or 'Downloand Now!' on every damn pop up they can find....... then I will make sure they pay.

And pay dearly.

Professional? Meh. What the fuck is 'professional', anyway? Working in a company where there are 4 hour conference calls twice a week to schedule the next conference call, and where the first 2 hours are taken up by reading through the participant list taking attendance, and the next 2 hours are spent going through the same list asking if you are going to be at the next meeting? (And no, I didn't make that up).

I quit being a professional years ago.

Being a professional sucks ass.

[black rabbit]

No, you can't have a Blackberry.

No.

We have both a VPN and webmail. You can use that brand new notebook I just bought you. There are Starbucks every twenty feet around here.

I don't care if all the other sales guys in the other companies have them. You can't. I'm not going to spend the better part of a month (not to mention some coin) buying Exchange/Domino/Groupwise, completely recofiguring our mail system etc, just so you, alone out of the entire sales team, can have a fucking Blackberry.

The CEO doesn't want one.

The CIO doesn't want one.

So the junior veep of sure as hell isn't going to get one.

You know, I'm kinda busy, you know, attempting to work with the electricians to get the generator set up so we don't go completely out of business in the event of a power failure.

So quit bugging me about your fucking Blackberry.

Ask me about it again, and I'm going to block your access to every site on the NCAA tourney you could possibly be interested in checking.

Yes, I can do that.

No, you can't have a Blackberry.

[black rabbit]

So the junior veep of sure as hell isn't going to get one.


Junior veep of sales, natch.

Though he's also the Junior VP of Sure As Hell Not Gonna Get A BlackBerry.

[Waverly]

Junior veep of sales, natch.

Though he's also the Junior VP of Sure As Hell Not Gonna Get A BlackBerry.
Jebus, I sure am not going to endear myself to the IT crowd in this thread. Let me tone down the sarcasm and give some honestly well intentioned input.

Your company’s product is probably not an efficient network nor trouble free laptops. These things exist for the sole purpose of enabling others in the company to manufacture, sell, service, and support whatever these products are.

If a Veep, even a Jr. Veep, of sales thinks he can close even one more deal if he has immediate access to email, it is his call. He’s your internal customer, and if your company allows you to overrule him based on reasoning such as the amount of time and effort you will have to invest, your company is sorely dysfunctional.

This goes back to one of my own pet peeves from page one. If I have adequately justified an investment of IT time to increase or support sales, excuse time is over, kids. IIF (if and only if) my boss thinks my justification is flawed will IT be spared the effort. Want to ask him? Be my guest, but don’t whine when this leads to a vigorous arse booting for you. I can tell you the front office has little tolerance for anyone putting their own personal interests above revenue.

[gotpasswords]

Three words that bring up my venom: "I need toner"

That's nice. [mentally pats user on head through the phone] Call Staples or go to the internal purchasing portal. We have an account there. Call by noon, and they'll even deliver it tomorrow!

"So you won't bring me any toner?"

Not like I even know what kind of printer you have, since I'm in California and you're in Denver. And what part of "Information Security" - it's how I answer the phone - even sounds like office supplies?

Fifteen minutes later, Ms Toner is back in my ear. "I can't get into the ordering system. Can you reset my password?" No. You need to call the number on the website where it says "Problems logging in? Call us at ..."

I just know she's going to call back in a couple days complaining that her printer's broken and won't print even after changing the toner. Did you pull out the sealing strip?

Fellow IT geeks, techies, network engineers, system administrators and call-center agents - feel free to copy this down and hang it in your cube as a reminder:


There is no patch for human stupidity

[Anaamika]

Harumph!
Let me recap for you:

Don't make jokes about the IT person while they're busy trying to fix your problem
At least have the common sense to wait until they're out of earshot
Otherwise the IT person will exact a very unpleasant revenge upon you!



Ok, ok, I'll stop making jokes and add a few of my own.

Part of my job description is local IT contact. Now I don't have any formal IT training, but I can handle it in one of two ways:

Most of the problems are simple problems, settings, etc.
When they are not simple problems, I know who to call to get an answer quickly.

But the questions I get asked!

"Can you make my e-mails come faster when they get sent?" Um, no, they are routed through National. I don't know why yours come a little slow. Maybe because you have 5,0000000000 (ok too many zeroes) e-mails in your mailbox, which you refuse to delete? Or maybe not! I don't know! The tech bigwig came and looked at it. He found nothing. I'm no genius!

National called me the other day. "Oh no, we have a MAJOR problem, your backup tape drive is not working!" Calm your ass down. Are we still under warranty? Is Dell going to send a new person to replace the tape drive? Then why is it a MAJOR problem! I consider almost nothing on the computer a major problem, if it can be fixed. Is it your aorta or your PC? jeez.

How about this one? "I can't find this PDF file on the computer." Go and look, and she's looking through Word. :smack:

And the thing my boss does, which really frustrates me: every time it crashes, she bangs really hard on the keyboard. Bang! Bang! Bang! Hits keys over and over. So even if it was just getting ready to recover, all the new input confuses it and she has to reboot. That is not the way you treat an expensive piece of machinery!

[Scott Plaid]

I don't know about that. I was trying to make a list of companies that use non-mainstream operating systems, and I found one called:

The Silver Hammer Group Ltd. (http://www.fortuitous.com/nut/clientlist.html)
The ceo is named Maxwell. Youd think he could sell you his solution.

[Waverly]

Professional? Meh. What the fuck is 'professional', anyway? Working in a company where there are 4 hour conference calls twice a week to schedule the next conference call, and where the first 2 hours are taken up by reading through the participant list taking attendance, and the next 2 hours are spent going through the same list asking if you are going to be at the next meeting? (And no, I didn't make that up).
If this is true, you owe it to yourself to either speak up and change things, or move on.

[black rabbit]

Your company’s product is probably not an efficient network nor trouble free laptops. These things exist for the sole purpose of enabling others in the company to manufacture, sell, service, and support whatever these products are.


Actually, everything ticks along pretty well. 95% of the network problems I deal with are problems on the customer's end, such discovering that one of their IT folks made a change to a firewall or something and unknowingly screwed up the connection.


If a Veep, even a Jr. Veep, of sales thinks he can close even one more deal if he has immediate access to email, it is his call. He’s your internal customer, and if your company allows you to overrule him based on reasoning such as the amount of time and effort you will have to invest, your company is sorely dysfunctional.



Pfft.

He doesn't need one.

I know this, because while he's been here all of three weeks, the CEO has managed to double our revenue, through increased sales, in the past year. We're not in the kind of business where closing a deal depends on getting a email while sitting on the crapper at an airport. Our product requires quite a bit of time, planning, and careful consideration on the part of the customer.

Perhaps you missed the part where I said I'm busy making sure that a power spike and/or failure at the datacenter doesn't put us out of business. Our ability to satisfy the needs of our current customers will have a helluva lot more impact on his ability to make sales than his ability to receive emails at 30,000 ft.

Not to mention that adding that one little hunk of plastic to his breifcase will necessitate us buying several tens of thousands of dollars worth of hardware and software, and a couple of hundred man hours, plus some kind of bottom-up internal network redesign for security purposes.


This goes back to one of my own pet peeves from page one. If I have adequately justified an investment of IT time to increase or support sales, excuse time is over, kids. IIF (if and only if) my boss thinks my justification is flawed will IT be spared the effort. Want to ask him? Be my guest, but don’t whine when this leads to a vigorous arse booting for you. I can tell you the front office has little tolerance for anyone putting their own personal interests above revenue.

Where did I ever mention that this guy has ever justified his investment in any way?

We're a small company, and pretty freewheeling as far as IT policies go, which is probably why this guy's under the impression that if he asks me for something enough, I'll finally cave in like some overstressed mother of a toddler. But the CEO's already told me that it's my call, and my call is this: No, you're not getting a Blackberry.

I'm a geek. I like my electronic toys. But I'm smart enough to know that the length of my toys, laid end to end, bear no relationship to the length of my penis, and making a significant investment in an infrastructure migration that may or may not provide some marginal benefit to the company is waaay down on the list of Shit That Needs To Get Done, Right Now.

[Mtgman]

You won't find very many IT geeks who are more IT geeky than me, but this thread bugs me. IT is a SERVICE industry, and while I understand the frustration(boy do I ever) at having to deal with users who lack the technical understanding of what they are doing to properly explain it or understand what it would take to fix their problem, I still don't see where that gives anyone on the service provider side of the equation a right to make threats, jokingly or not. IT techs are paid, relatively well in many cases, to support these systems so the work of the business can get done. The user is the customer and they are what matters. They are the majorly inconvenienced party when they experience an IT issue, self-caused or otherwise. They are the ones falling behind on their work because of the issue. Their impatience and frustration are every bit as valid and understandable as the frustration of the Tech.

IT techs are there to keep the business people working smoothly and effectively. Not as an elite class of rulers with power over all things web-y and email-y who must be appeased and spoken to respectfully at all times. The job is to deal with issues experienced by users and to enable them to complete their jobs in a more efficient and expedient manner. That's what the businesses need, and that's what IT should provide. The BOFH urge should be fought down for the greater good. Fix the issue quickly and professionally and cut the users a bit of slack. They're the ones out of time and productive work because of something they don't even begin to understand and that is a pretty helpless and frustrating feeling. If some of the crack stupid jokes or show the impatience, that is merely human.

Enjoy,
Steven

[black rabbit]

I know this, because while the veep in question has been here all of three weeks, the CEO has managed to double our revenue, through increased sales, in the past year.

When rant make words go more good.

[black rabbit]

You won't find very many IT geeks who are more IT geeky than me, but this thread bugs me. IT is a SERVICE industry, and while I understand the frustration(boy do I ever) at having to deal with users who lack the technical understanding of what they are doing to properly explain it or understand what it would take to fix their problem, I still don't see where that gives anyone on the service provider side of the equation a right to make threats, jokingly or not. IT techs are paid, relatively well in many cases, to support these systems so the work of the business can get done. The user is the customer and they are what matters. They are the majorly inconvenienced party when they experience an IT issue, self-caused or otherwise. They are the ones falling behind on their work because of the issue. Their impatience and frustration are every bit as valid and understandable as the frustration of the Tech.

IT techs are there to keep the business people working smoothly and effectively. Not as an elite class of rulers with power over all things web-y and email-y who must be appeased and spoken to respectfully at all times. The job is to deal with issues experienced by users and to enable them to complete their jobs in a more efficient and expedient manner. That's what the businesses need, and that's what IT should provide. The BOFH urge should be fought down for the greater good. Fix the issue quickly and professionally and cut the users a bit of slack. They're the ones out of time and productive work because of something they don't even begin to understand and that is a pretty helpless and frustrating feeling. If some of the crack stupid jokes or show the impatience, that is merely human.

Enjoy,
Steven

I've got no problem with this notion. I was in as series of semi-professional customer service jobs before I was in IT, and helping the less-clued isn't a problem.

What chaps my ass are the users who think we need to upgrade from a T1 to an DS3 so they can download videos faster.

[Troy McClure SF]

First, for those of you who haven't seen it, Computer Stupidities (http://rinkworks.com/stupid/).

Second, to the IT guy who last visited- Yes, this LaserJet is a network printer. Yes, it has been for the two years I have been here. Yes, computers from this room, this room, and that room way up there print to this printer. No, it's not fucking "impossible," you dip, now get the fuck out of my office.

In my status as a low-level geek, IT people get, at the very least, the benefit of the doubt, but pompous and ignorant is a bad combination, no matter what you do.

[Mtgman]

When presented with unrealistic requests I find the ten minute cost/benefit analysis to be extremely helpful. If they are willing to foot the costs in additional man hours and hardware/software costs then they get what they want. If they don't have the money, then they at least now understand why we need to stay with what we have.

Enjoy,
Steven

[Waverly]

Where did I ever mention that this guy has ever justified his investment in any way?
You didn’t, I was talking about my own gripe here, because I think the situation is somewhat similar.

If you think it will take tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of man hours to get a blackberry working, you are either exaggerating, or your network is an X-Box and a 1200 baud modem. I’m no fan of blackberrys, but be realistic here. You can set up very complex forwarding rules with off the shelf office software and a broadband connection.

For your own sake, don’t get caught exaggerating in an effort to quash his request. He’s likely to get pissed of and burn you for it. I’ve seen it all happen before, and it ain’t pretty.

[lee]

You know what pisses me off? When people come to me to solve problems and provide information about systems and divisions that I have nothing to do with and may never have heard of just because I am usually helpful and stick with the problem until it is solved. I do that when it is my area. ONce, ok you did not know, but every week?

I work in company with 50,000 employees, I can't and should not work on all areas of IT for it. I direct them to the right helpdesk, sometimes even conference them in to a call with it to make sure they are being helped, but I need to get other things done.

Oh, BTW, I am tier 3-4. Yes, I can solve tier 1 problems, but really, I am not supposed to. Call the right people.

[lee]

You didn’t, I was talking about my own gripe here, because I think the situation is somewhat similar.

If you think it will take tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of man hours to get a blackberry working, you are either exaggerating, or your network is an X-Box and a 1200 baud modem.

Or he has the change control system from hell to deal with. An eight page document template for the first document for any changes. 3 week lead time and 5 hours of meetings or more for enterprise wide changes and anything that touches email is enterprise level. Implement in test environment first, and if there is no test environment, build one! List all scenarios and write everything in non-technical language. Notify and get approvals from every team that has a system that is impacted by the one you are changing. If part of the change template is not applicable explain why.

[Anonymous Coward]

If you think it will take tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of man hours to get a blackberry working, you are either exaggerating, or your network is an X-Box and a 1200 baud modem. I’m no fan of blackberrys, but be realistic here. You can set up very complex forwarding rules with off the shelf office software and a broadband connection.




Forwarding rules with the desktop redirector can work, but I much rather the total integration that the Blackberry Enterprise Server brings. If black455 is thinking that way as well then I could see it costing a fair chunk to implement. The software alone is 3000 bucks, plus some companies would require an additional server, UPS, etc. I can see 100 manhours to bring a server online, testing, rollout into production, and finally documentation and training.

Or on preview, what lee said.

[Lord Ashtar]

Or he has the change control system from hell to deal with. An eight page document template for the first document for any changes. 3 week lead time and 5 hours of meetings or more for enterprise wide changes and anything that touches email is enterprise level. Implement in test environment first, and if there is no test environment, build one! List all scenarios and write everything in non-technical language. Notify and get approvals from every team that has a system that is impacted by the one you are changing. If part of the change template is not applicable explain why.
Two words for you...Sarbanes-Oxley.

[Waverly]

Forwarding rules with the desktop redirector can work, but I much rather the total integration that the Blackberry Enterprise Server brings.Ah, but this is another gripe of mine – not that there is ever an end to them. If I ask for, and genuinely understand, a For Taurus solution, don’t try to sell me a Ferrari.

One person, one blackberry. Sounds like a job for Outlook. When you’ve got 50 blackberrys, that’s when you spend 10k on a server and software. What is with this need for ultra complex, expensive (albeit nifty) solutions? I don’t doubt that you can make this a 100 man hour project – what I doubt is that it is necessary. Why obfuscate in this way?

[lee]

I have no problem with SOX or change control in general. Indeed, it is giving my words more weight in that changes to improve security and accountability that I have been wanting to make suddenly make sense to others who previously found changing their password too burdensome.
We had another process before for change control. It was similar, but the new lead time and the extent of the documentation in the new system, partly because they are grafting new requirements on old processes and software, make it unwieldy. The template is poorly implemented and the electronic system crashes if you enter the fields in the wrong order. It really can increase the time spent on implementing a change. Given some of the changes I see in my future, I can imagine hundreds of extra hours for change control.

[Spiny Norman]

Ah, but this is another gripe of mine – not that there is ever an end to them. If I ask for, and genuinely understand, a For Taurus solution, don’t try to sell me a Ferrari.

One person, one blackberry. Sounds like a job for Outlook. Were it only that simple. The problem is as follows: IT-savvy VP gets a Blackberry, is completely self-supporting, everybody's happy. At least for a week or so, until Not-so-IT-savvy VP - you know the guy, he couldn't setup a rule in Outlook if his year-end bonus depended on it - sees the Blackberry and gets a bad case of Gadget Envy. Because the second you approved the first Blackberry, it became Supported Technology in everybody's eyes. How many resources will be tied down supporting Blackberry #2, 3 and 4 ? Probably enough to make it worthwhile to just bite the bullet and roll out a proper project.

Oh, and to name one thing that pisses me off: Bringing inferior home network hardware to the office and bloody plugging it into the corporate network. Particularly - and let me stress this - particularly if said piece of crap is a DAMN DHCP SERVER! I don't care that it worked fine at home and that you didn't know it would be a problem here - you just handed out incorrect IP addresses to an entire building, and your cute little SOHO router gets disconnected NOW. Don't try to argue the point, either, your actions demonstrate your cluelessness.

[mattmorgan64]

If this is true, you owe it to yourself to either speak up and change things, or move on.

Even better - I did both! Well, I dooubt anything ever changed, but because I left, the company I used to work for has since had to merge with Nextel just to survive! :rolleyes:

[Waverly]

Were it only that simple. The problem is as follows: IT-savvy VP gets a Blackberry, is completely self-supporting, everybody's happy. At least for a week or so, until Not-so-IT-savvy VP - you know the guy...
Norman! Don't get all slippery slope with me. Maybe a band of mechanized sex-weasels do invade the office at blackberry #3, but let's stick with what we know for now, hmm?

[Mtgman]

Mmmm, mechanized sex-weasels....

Enjoy,
Steven

[TheInterruptingCow]

Network Admin/Systems Engineer, here, with resposibility for the phone system, as well. I really see my job as more like a plumber...stuff breaks, I fix it. I'm a generalist. But...

1. It's NOT your computer, it's the COMPANY'S computer, and they pay me to manage the systems according to their policies. You WILL get my approval before loading anything on the box, or I will rip it out by the roots. If you get approval to load personally-owned software, you WILL surrender the appropriate license to the company.

2. If you send a print job and it doesn't print, by all means, send it a couple dozen more times before you let me know there's a problem. You could also check to see that you're sending it to the printer you think you're sending it to...instead of the one at the other end of the building, which now has 12 copies of your document sitting in the bin.

3. I'm a hardware and systems guy. I do not know the ins and outs of every cockamamie piece of badly written, overly complex software you've bought for the last 10 years. I am not trained in the nuances of your 3-D CAD packages. Does it open? Then my job is done; call the VAR. YOU talk to them, because I don't have the slightest idea what the fuck you're talking about.

4. Stop buying packages and then expecting to be able to customize everything to your current workflow. Consider modifying your processes to fit the capabilities of the package you selected.

5. My primary function is to keep this network operating at peak efficiency. Unfortunately, my time is taken up with bullshit issues...get off your dead ass and put some paper in the printer; I have higher priorities. The CEO just deleted another file by mistake.

6. The Exchange system is not a file-transfer system. You know we're behind a corporate firewall and the mail system has content filters, spam filters, and attachment blocking. Stop bitching to me that the executable attachment you were sent never got through. You know it's gonna happen, so just stop it.

7. When you ask me for a solution to a particular problem, and I supply one, fucking use it. Any solution is better than no solution, so stop telling me that the current system is "unnacceptable". This is the third and final FTP solution you're getting, assholes.

8. Sales staff...DO NOT come to me with a major problem 20 minutes before you have to catch a plane. You've known about the problem for weeks.

9. I am not at your beck and call. 50% percent of my day is taken up with regular daily tasks...do not expect me to drop what I'm doing to address your pissant crisis du jour. I'll get to it...just not right now.

10. Stop treating my office like a supply cabinet. If you need something, ask.

11. No, you may not have a set of speakers or a speakerphone in an open cubicle. You want music, bring in a fuckin' Walkman.

12. If you decide to buy a non-company approved PDA, do not expect me to train you to use it, unless you're going to buy me one, too. RTFM, pal...you're on your own.

13. And you're not getting a Blackberry, either.

14. Do not refer our external customers to me for questions about the systems you've sold them. We have a Customer Service department for that. My responsibility is the internal system.

15. Feel free to ask me for advice about your home system, just don't bring it in for me to fix. I'll be glad to address it off-hours; my usual fee is $150 and hour, plus beer.





...okay, so I lost #13.

[black rabbit]

One person, one blackberry. Sounds like a job for Outlook. When you’ve got 50 blackberrys, that’s when you spend 10k on a server and software. What is with this need for ultra complex, expensive (albeit nifty) solutions? I don’t doubt that you can make this a 100 man hour project – what I doubt is that it is necessary. Why obfuscate in this way?


Okay, smart guy, answer me this:

How do I get mails from the server to the handheld, given these criteria;


You may not use Outlook, for security reasons.
The mail server is Cyrus IMAP.
RIM does not offer a solution for generic IMAP. Exchange/Domino/Groupwise, sure. But not vanilla IMAP.
The IMAP box is not externally adressable. It's NATed, and behind a firewall.
All incoming connections to the internal network must be encrypted, through either a VPN or SSL.
All incoming connections to the internal network from third parties must be from a /28 subnet.


That's just off the top of my head. You think RIM or one of their resellers is gonna jump through all those hoops for a client with, at most, a half dozen users?

In other words, we're not going to buy Windows Server 2003 just so we can buy Exchange just so we can buy Blackberry Enterprise Server just so we can buy some guy a Blackberry.

And before you pretend to know what you're talking about again, I'm not going to water down a single one of our security policies to make it easier for me to give this guy what he wants. Hence, the minimum 100 man hours.

Especially since there has been, as yet, absolutely no demonstrated need for this guy to get his toy, other than the fact that he wants one.

I sacrifice a couple of pigeons every morning in that were not public, so I don't have to deal with SOX. That would completely suck.

[black rabbit]

One person, one blackberry. Sounds like a job for Outlook. When you’ve got 50 blackberrys, that’s when you spend 10k on a server and software. What is with this need for ultra complex, expensive (albeit nifty) solutions? I don’t doubt that you can make this a 100 man hour project – what I doubt is that it is necessary. Why obfuscate in this way?


Okay, smart guy, answer me this:

How do I get mails from the server to the handheld, given these criteria;


You may not use Outlook, for security reasons.
The mail server is Cyrus IMAP.
RIM does not offer a solution for generic IMAP. Exchange/Domino/Groupwise, sure. But not vanilla IMAP.
The IMAP box is not externally adressable. It's NATed, and behind a firewall.
All incoming connections to the internal network must be encrypted, through either a VPN or SSL.
All incoming connections to the internal network from third parties must be from a /28 subnet.


That's just off the top of my head. You think RIM or one of their resellers is gonna jump through all those hoops for a client with, at most, a half dozen users?

In other words, we're not going to buy Windows Server 2003 just so we can buy Exchange just so we can buy Blackberry Enterprise Server just so we can buy some guy a Blackberry.

And before you pretend to know what you're talking about again, I'm not going to water down a single one of our security policies to make it easier for me to give this guy what he wants. Hence, the minimum 100 man hours.

Especially since there has been, as yet, absolutely no demonstrated need for this guy to get his toy, other than the fact that he wants one.

I sacrifice a couple of pigeons every morning in that were not public, so I don't have to deal with SOX. That would completely suck.

[lee]

Idiot execs who think they should get admin rights to everything. None so far at this company, but at my last one, I just wanted to strangle the CFO.

He got access denied because he fat fingered an address. He insisted that I change it so that he had access to everything in email. This was a publicly traded company but pre SOX. What a moron. There are controls for a reason. Him not being able to access that folder saved him from looking like an ass; he should be grateful.

[Waverly]

I am no tech weenie, but sure, I’ll pretend to know what I’m talking about for a few minutes. Authentic tech weenies are welcome to comment.


You may not use Outlook, for security reasons. OK. Sounds like a good move.
The mail server is Cyrus IMAP. Still with you. RIM claims Blackberry is IMAP and POP compatible.
RIM does not offer a solution for generic IMAP. Exchange/Domino/Groupwise, sure. But not vanilla IMAP.This is only true if you qualify your statement with ‘I am only interested in Blackberry Web Client or Enterprise Server.’ You still can still use other means to push mail out.
The IMAP box is not externally adressable. It's NATed, and behind a firewall.Does this prevent email from going out?
All incoming connections to the internal network must be encrypted, through either a VPN or SSL.Once again, this affects outgoing mail how?
All incoming connections to the internal network from third parties must be from a /28 subnet.ibid.
This guy managed to figure it out: http://www.mobilewhack.com/pda/blackberry/manage_your_email_when_using_the_bwc.html - as did a couple people down the hall from me who got their personal Blackberrys running without any IT help. Maybe that is the secret - don't ask IT for help.

[HMS Irruncible]

When you have a computer problem, do not describe the symptoms as "It's broken" or "It doesn't work." That will automatically prompt me to say "Try it again" or "Try it later."

Here is what you say:
When I try to [action A], I expect it to [response A] but instead it [response B].

[Optionally] It acts all [sluggish/flickery/balky/twitchy/sensitive/recalcitrant/furry/whatever].

After having said that, THEN you can say "It's broken" or "It doesn't work."

[lee]

idiots who don't understand DNS and "think":

On the client the top of the list for DNS servers will be used first and then if the item is not found in that it will go on to look at the second servers.
On the registered DNS servers the top one will be used first so they can muck with the second or third servers's entries without consequence.
If you want to add one name to dns for testing just put up a zone on some dns server that only has your one name and then tell people to use that server, and are surpized when they can only get to that one name and not say the website or mail server
Secondarying zones locally without informing the dns admin is a good idea, and bitch loudly when she moves the server and things stop working.
On the client, the more dns servers the better! Whoopee!! I will be able to get to stage and production at the same time!

[emarkp]

One guy thought he was being really funny ONE time. He didn't think that after 6 months went by and his 'problem' was still unrepaired; while meanwhile the guy next to him had his 'problem' resolved in a few minutes.And you still have a job? Guess this job market isn't so bad after all.

[lee]

Idiots in operations that are not concerned that the restore procedures failed completely when needed because this time we were able to recover from another source. You are wasting time and money when you spend it backing up when there is no restore process that will work.

[gotpasswords]

I have no problem with SOX or change control in general. Indeed, it is giving my words more weight in that changes to improve security and accountability that I have been wanting to make suddenly make sense to others who previously found changing their password too burdensome.
Agreed. I'm governed by not only SOX, but GLBA, (Gramm-Leach-Bliley - financial institutions), HIPAA (in the HR department) and the OCC (Office of the Comptroller of the Currency - federal banking auditors). SOX has made it so much easier for me to say "no" to ill-thought-out projects and requests and to have bad ideas go away. Just yesterday, some contract programmers asked me to bless their plan of shipping a database containing customer information overseas for SQL tuning. Didn't even ask their department manager or the database owner. That was an easy request to deny.

change control system from hell
If you weren't in Niles, I'd swear you were in this company. How many problem tickets and change requests does it take to change a lightbulb in a production data center? And how many people will be on the bridge line saying "that's legacy hardware. We only support software"?

[Spiny Norman]

Norman! Don't get all slippery slope with me. Maybe a band of mechanized sex-weasels do invade the office at blackberry #3, but let's stick with what we know for now, hmm? <Shrug> In my somewhat bitterly won experience, a really high percentage of what I OK, I end up supporting. And so I insist that the cost of me and my group supporting it be taken into account when the cost/benefit analysis is performed.

[GorillaMan]

Worst are the "almost-techies" who will sigh loudly and obviously when you ask them to go through the standard checklist....

I used to get ticked off when IT staff asked me to run the basics (even we I thought I knew what the problem was) but now I let them go through it and answer politely, and eventually tell them what I think the issue is.
I guess I'm an 'almost-techie', and I do half-agree with you. But the one time I shouted down the phone was midway through a rest-everything-type solution, and I had to reboot, and while waiting for this the guy on the line says "It should have rebooted by now", in an accusing tone. Fuck you!! - do you have a Microsoft-issue reboot stopwatch, or something?!

[easy e]

When I was in college, I worked at the help desk for the engineering computer labs. You'd think that engineers would have some sort of technical savvy, but sadly, this was not always the case.

If I show up to fix a user's problem and they insist upon the IT guy coming to fix it, I give them one more chance to accept my highly qualified help and then I'll leave. It will also be a while before the IT guy gets around to solving their problem.

We usually worked in a shift with another person or two. I had one case where a user called up, heard my voice, and asked if they could talk to a man.

[Maxxxie]

Holy buckets of dead carp, Batman! This thread has turned into a bit of a flame-fest! Fire extinguisher, anyone?

Meanwhile, back in the Bat Cave.....


.... from my dim memories of retail computer hardware support comes this gem:

Woman on phone: Have you fixed the multi-I/O card I sent you?
Me: To be honest, I've been testing it all day, and have had no problems with it. Could you perhaps give me a fault description, something a little more detailed than "faulty"?
WOP: You should give it to a technician to test! A technician would know.
Me: I am a technician (and the service manager, not that it matters), and I can't find any problem.
WOP: If you were a technician, you'd KNOW what the problem is! Get me a technician on the phone!
Me: (getting the royal shits by now) Well how about you just humour me, and tell me what the problem is?
WOP: If you put a 5.25" floppy drive on the second connector on the floppy drive cable, it doesn't work, but only if I attach a 3.5" floppy drive to the first connector.
Me: OK, first of all, what second connector? The cables we supply only have one on them...
WOP: I used the cable from my old computer. It has two connectors. One for a 3.5" floppy and one for a 5.25" floppy.
Me: OK... and there's a twist between those two connectors, right?
WOP: No, why would there be?
Me: Well, the twist "tells" the floppy drive whether it is drive A or drive B. So what you're doing is putting both drives on a cable that doesn't have a twist, is that right?
WOP: Yes.
Me: So in effect you're trying to get both drives to operate as drive A. That's not going to work.
WOP: Oh.
Me: How about I just give you a cable that will do what you're trying to do?
WOP: Ok.


Far out. She was just so reluctant to give me the information! It was as if being a techo meant that I had some sort of mind-reading power, and since I couldn't read her mind, I couldn't possibly be a techo!

People, for the love of all that's holy, give us decent fault descriptions!

Max.

[HMS Irruncible]

Here's a funny story... some section chief begged me for a favor, a particular data query formatted a particular way that could be used when the primary system was down. I whipped up a little database gateway on my own workstation, gave him the address, and said "Remember, this is unsupported, it's just to help you out this one time."

Fast forward 3 months later. My workstation is horribly slow. It can hardly even open a spreadsheet. Analysis shows that the database gateway is eating up the CPU. Barely remembering what it was, I thought "hmmm, I haven't rebooted my workstation in a while, maybe this is a good time." So I rebooted it.

Panic ensues! A crisis message is sent out to all pagers! The data gateway is down! Operations are at a halt! It turns out that the recipient of the original favor had distributed the address of my workstation to his entire department and written it into their job aid documents. They'd gotten so used to avoiding the primary system that they just started depending on my alternate system. I was called into the division chief's office to explain why I rebooted this critical system serving 1000 users in the peak of the business day. "Um... because it's my personal desktop computer and I thought the most important thing running on it was Excel?"

And they acted so shocked when I stopped doing favors or ad-hoc solutions....

[Suburban Plankton]

User: I'm having a problem with <insert application here>. I get an error every morning when I first log on.
Me: OK, are you getting any error message?
User: Yes

<5 seconds of silence>

Me: And the message said...?
User: Um, something about not being able to connect to the server, or something like that...

Right, because it's not like HAVING THE TEXT OF THE ERROR MESSAGE might make it a teensy bit easier to troubleshoot!





User (standing at my desk): My email isn't working.
Me: I see.
User: I would have put in a ticket to the Help Desk, but I can't because my email isn't working.

Your email problem has apparently spread to your phone, because OTHERWISE YOU COULD HAVE CALLED THE HELP DESK!
And your eyes must be infected as well, because YOU WALKED RIGHT PAST THE HELP DESK ON THE WAY TO MY DESK!!!
Oh, and by the way, I'M NOT IN DESKTOP SUPPORT!!!!!



We'll send someone right over.

[MacTech]

If you're calling for phone support, make sure *YOUR FRAKKIN' SCREAMING BRAT IS OUT OF EARSHOT, I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO IT*, hearing "mommy, mommy, mommy........." ad infinitum or listening to it whine/wail/cry/scream is enough to drive me insane, and will have me doing whatever it takes to give you simply the most basic information and end the call

i have no problem helping you over the phone, just do me the common courtesy of calling after you quiet the brat, or at least call from another room that's acoustically seperate from it, you'll get much better troubleshooting if i don't hear shrieking in my ear, and, please, for the love of Og, don't have the aforementioned brat *on your lap* when you call and permit it to scream into the phone while you "apologize" for your brat screaming, *hang up, quiet the brat, then call back!*

don't call me, ask me for tech support, then ask if our *COMPETITORS* have the same product for less, you really think i want to sabotage my company? the most you'll get for that answer will be "i don't know, have you tried calling <competitor?>"

it'll also get you ridiculed after you hang up

[MacTech]

Professional? Meh. What the fuck is 'professional', anyway? Working in a company where there are 4 hour conference calls twice a week to schedule the next conference call, and where the first 2 hours are taken up by reading through the participant list taking attendance, and the next 2 hours are spent going through the same list asking if you are going to be at the next meeting? (And no, I didn't make that up).


Does your boss have pointy hair? do you work with Wally and Alice? ;)

[mhendo]

If you're calling for phone support, make sure *YOUR FRAKKIN' SCREAMING BRAT IS OUT OF EARSHOT, I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO IT*, hearing "mommy, mommy, mommy........." ad infinitum or listening to it whine/wail/cry/scream is enough to drive me insane, and will have me doing whatever it takes to give you simply the most basic information and end the call

i have no problem helping you over the phone, just do me the common courtesy of calling after you quiet the brat, or at least call from another room that's acoustically seperate from it, you'll get much better troubleshooting if i don't hear shrieking in my ear, and, please, for the love of Og, don't have the aforementioned brat *on your lap* when you call and permit it to scream into the phone while you "apologize" for your brat screaming, *hang up, quiet the brat, then call back!*My friend, this isn't just a tech support issue. It's an issue for every person who has friends with children. And it's not just the issue of screaming, it's the problem of paying more attention to the kid than to the person on the other end of the phone.

I get so frustrated when i'm on the phone with my sister or some of my friends with kids, and they spend more time during our "conversation" talking to their kids than they do to me. "Ooooooh, isn't that a nice drawing. You're very clever, yes you are....Sorry, what was i saying?"

I mean, i can understand interrupting our conversation if the kid is in pain, or is doing something dangerous, or whatever. But just because it's a kid doesn't mean that you must give him or her your absolute attention every minute of every day. Children need to be taught that there are times when it's rude to interrupt. I start to get pretty pissed off on my end of the phone sometimes, waiting to be deemed important enough to talk to again.

[MacTech]

My friend, this isn't just a tech support issue. It's an issue for every person who has friends with children. And it's not just the issue of screaming, it's the problem of paying more attention to the kid than to the person on the other end of the phone.

I get so frustrated when i'm on the phone with my sister or some of my friends with kids, and they spend more time during our "conversation" talking to their kids than they do to me. "Ooooooh, isn't that a nice drawing. You're very clever, yes you are....Sorry, what was i saying?"

I mean, i can understand interrupting our conversation if the kid is in pain, or is doing something dangerous, or whatever. But just because it's a kid doesn't mean that you must give him or her your absolute attention every minute of every day. Children need to be taught that there are times when it's rude to interrupt. I start to get pretty pissed off on my end of the phone sometimes, waiting to be deemed important enough to talk to again.

but at least with your freind, you can be "blunt"...
"i'm sorry, did you want to talk to me or dote over your little DNA-packet, call me back when you want to spend time talking to *me*"

here's a clue to those sort of people...not *everyone* thinks your genetic packet is cute, and we'd appreciate not being forced to interact with it, or be relagated to "second class" object of attention

unfortunately, we in Tech Support can't be that blunt with customers, not if we want to keep our jobs that is.....

oh, and another one (kid-related)

our store *IS NOT* a daycare center or playpen, *you* might think it's cute that your spawn is running around the store, trying to get behind the tech counter (where there are dangerous machines and sharp, pointy objects) pounding on computer keyboards, wrecking our merchandise displays and generally wreaking havoc, but *you're* not the one that has to clean up after your spawn ransacks the store

if your brat is throwing a tantrum, *take it outside* until it's done, the employees don't want to hear it, other customers don't want to hear it, but we can't bluntly tell you to leave, we have to be "diplomatic" and drop subtle hints that you're (obviously) too dense to pick up on, your "adorable" little brat throwing a fit in the store isn't "cute", it's annoying, and you can be sure that we're seething in annoyance behind our "cheery" facade

take the kid outside until they work it out of their system...

[MacTech]

okay, to bring the thread back on track and get off the "brat bashing" kick....

if you're calling for support, *please* be IN FRONT OF YOUR MACHINE AND HAVE IT TURNED ON!

i had a call not 5 minutes ago....

"hi, i'm having problems printing to a network printer, how do i fix it?"
well, what type of Mac do you have?
"an iBook"
okay, what version of the OS are you running?
"i don't know"
is the machine running, can you go to the Apple menu and select "About this Mac"?
"uhh, no, i'm calling from my car, the computer's back at the office......"
<groan>
well, would it be possible to call back when you're in front of the machine, it'll make troubleshooting easier
"okay"

stupid (L)user didn't realize that you need to be *IN FRONT OF THE MACHINE IN QUESTION* for me to troubleshoot it over the phone.....

[Tristan]

All apologies to Waverly, but he just pinged one of my biggest complaints.

We (well, not I per se, but everyone I work with and around right now) are the IT people. We implement the IT rules that are given to us, even if we know they are complete garbage.

If the company thought you needed a DVD player, they would have given you one. Just becuase you think you need Opera/Netscape/Firefox/trendycoolbrowserofthemonth doesn't mean it's true... and catering to you means we have to do something totally different for updates (that WE HAVE TO DO, we can't just trust that you'll do it... again, the rules given to us by the folks that sign our checks) just for you. It's a huge pain in the ass.

In fact, most of your rant can be beaten down with that one thought... we do what we're told, so we can continue to eat and live in a place with a roof. You and your special needs are not, as a general rule, worth me having to buy a Sharpie and making a "Will run your batch processing for food" sign and standing by an offramp.


Also, to our endusers: We run payroll batches. Usually more than 1000 companies, each and every day. On heavy days, 2500 is common.

Please don't call at 3pm and ask us not to run this payroll that you balanced through half an hour ago. It's already gone through, and probably printed already. You're screwed. Realize and accept that we run things around here quick. We always will.

*sigh*

And again, Waverly, nothing personal against you. You just managed to hit one of my biggest issues right off the bat.

[mattmorgan64]

Here's a golden odie that at one time REALLY PISSED OFF an IT guy I know, and I believe even to this day he's not quite over it.

1. Ask 60,000 people to implement a physically impossible thing to accomplish, and call it: ION.
2. Hire 20,000 more people to do it.
3. Throw half a billion dollars at it.
4. Standback and watch as lives are destroyed and careers are abandoned.
5. Fire everybody that was even remotely connected with it 3 years later.

[Waverly]

Tristan,
No need to apologize. You are welcome to disagree. You seem to be using the rationalization, “I do what I’m told to do.” Fair enough – if we were in this situation I’d gladly take it up with your boss, or his boss. I don’t get a sick enjoyment from getting IT folks in trouble with their superiors.

Do I need a DVD player to do my job? Of course not. It’s admittedly a perk; one that I think is reasonable for someone who spends months on the road and multiple weeks overseas every year. I wouldn’t die on this hill, but I wouldn’t roll over immediately either.

Do I need a Palm? Yeah, I rather do. I could never invest enough time to keep a paper address book as up to date and organized. I’d pick this battle as one to fight if I had to. I hate Blackberry’s, but if I really thought in my heart of hearts that I needed to be that connected, I’d defend that hill too.

Do I need Opera? Sort of. You see, no one bothered to keep me up to date on patches and service packs, so I did indeed catch some malware through IE. It might be fun to think I was surfing for porn on company time and got myself infected. In reality it’s more mundane than that. I was keeping up on messages over vacation, using whatever wireless networks were available, and probably spent some time on one that had no firewalls.

[Walkingbear]

This goes back to one of my own pet peeves from page one. If I have adequately justified an investment of IT time to increase or support sales, excuse time is over, kids. IIF (if and only if) my boss thinks my justification is flawed will IT be spared the effort. Want to ask him? Be my guest, but don’t whine when this leads to a vigorous arse booting for you. I can tell you the front office has little tolerance for anyone putting their own personal interests above revenue.

I've never turned down a chance to make the company I work for more money, but something like adding a blackberry server to the IT infrastructure with the concomitant changes in the mail system will require a significant increase in revenue to justify it for a single individual.

Show me a way to impact my entire organization, and I'll work weekends for it. Show me nothing but a status symbol and neat gadget and you can work your own weekends.

[Waverly]

I've never turned down a chance to make the company I work for more money, but something like adding a blackberry server to the IT infrastructure with the concomitant changes in the mail system will require a significant increase in revenue to justify it for a single individual.
*rubbing temples*
Do I type in invisible ink? It must be Opera. Until someone proves otherwise, I'm still working of the assumption that a single Blackberry is at least functional using just forwarding rules and manual synchronization of calendars and address books. It’s a bit more than an assumption really, since I know about a half dozen people who do it.

[Mtgman]

ION was nothing like physically impossible. The technical part of ION actually kicked ass. The part that sucked about it was the business support infrastructure. Billing, account setup, etc. Once the wires were connected and turned on it was a thing of beauty. Getting the service was like pulling teeth, and it had a ridiculous wait time(and price point) but once you had it you kicked serious ass. Read any of the reviews of the service on BroadbandReports.com(formerly dslreports.com) written by someone who had managed to hang in there through the three re-submits of the order, the six re-tries to get an install date, and the two+ months it took to get the service set up and see what they said about service. A co-worker of mine had it and he investigated his options with a lawyer to sue Sprint when they pulled the service because he had a 2-year contract and didn't want it turned off! Short version, they can terminate service at any time for any reason and he was screwed, it was in the contract.

Enjoy,
Steven

[High Cheese]

Actually, mine's the same as yours. The joke, "Man, what'd you break THIS time?" wasn't funny the first time I came over to fix your ailing computers; why do you think it's still funny after five years?

I know that our computers are in a damp, fur-filled environment with leaky roofs and unstable temperatures. I can't control that. I can just try to use enough duct tape and baling wire, and a little bit of chewing gum, to keep them all working. Please make your jokes funnier.

Daniel


Well.....there's your problem. Duct tape and chewing gum are not conductive.

Duh.

[mattmorgan64]

ION was nothing like physically impossible. The technical part of ION actually kicked ass. The part that sucked about it was the business support infrastructure. Billing, account setup, etc. Once the wires were connected and turned on it was a thing of beauty. Getting the service was like pulling teeth, and it had a ridiculous wait time(and price point) but once you had it you kicked serious ass. Read any of the reviews of the service on BroadbandReports.com(formerly dslreports.com) written by someone who had managed to hang in there through the three re-submits of the order, the six re-tries to get an install date, and the two+ months it took to get the service set up and see what they said about service. A co-worker of mine had it and he investigated his options with a lawyer to sue Sprint when they pulled the service because he had a 2-year contract and didn't want it turned off! Short version, they can terminate service at any time for any reason and he was screwed, it was in the contract.

Enjoy,
Steven


Where to start.

Unless you lived the hell that was ION, you could not possibly begin to conceive.

Updates to follow.

Beers for now.

[Mtgman]

I know a ton of stuff about ION. I know the project from when it was called "FastBreak" and required NDAs to work on. I still shudder a bit when I hear someone say 3.5b

Not saying the project wasn't a nightmare and the execution of it even worse, but the technical pieces worked when they were put together right. Putting them together right with dysfunctional support software which sent the wrong part and provisioned the ports wrong(if at all) as often as not and where the technical implementation details were hand-written and passed along by fax, when they were passed along at all, was the hell part. Once it was up and working the only problem I ever knew of was a slight buzz on the VOATM phone lines.

Enjoy,
Steven

[smiling bandit]

by Waverly

Do I need a Palm? Yeah, I rather do. I could never invest enough time to keep a paper address book as up to date and organized. I’d pick this battle as one to fight if I had to. I hate Blackberry’s, but if I really thought in my heart of hearts that I needed to be that connected, I’d defend that hill too.

See, that's the problem. The IT department doesn't care and doesn't need to care about what you, specifically, consider neccessary, unless your just important enough to get it anyway. Don't expect me to give a rat's patootie about what you want when the rest of miserable pack of slime working with you wants something different.

Don't expect special treatment. That's where most problems start.



PS: Can people tell me more about ION?

[Mtgman]

ION is a discontinued product from Sprint. It was a high-speed DSL connection(8 megabit max) coupled with between two and four digital telephone lines(Voice over ATM). The service was about 120 bucks a month for those who could get it(very few service areas were rolled out). It was kind of the "power users" broadband, at least in theory.

The project failed for lots of reasons, not the least of which was because, even at the high price point, it was too expensive for Sprint to continue to offer the service. The whole thing was a result of Sprint putting the pedal to the metal to be "First to Market" with a fully-digital service which combined Internet and phones. They did too much too fast and the lack of good planning and execution caught up with them and blew the costs out of the water, so the whole thing was killed and the customers who had the service were refunded and their service shut down.

A bunch of reviews of the ION product can be found here http://www.broadbandreports.com/reviews/1567

Enjoy,
Steven

[mattmorgan64]

I know a ton of stuff about ION. I know the project from when it was called "FastBreak" and required NDAs to work on. I still shudder a bit when I hear someone say 3.5b

Not saying the project wasn't a nightmare and the execution of it even worse, but the technical pieces worked when they were put together right. Putting them together right with dysfunctional support software which sent the wrong part and provisioned the ports wrong(if at all) as often as not and where the technical implementation details were hand-written and passed along by fax, when they were passed along at all, was the hell part. Once it was up and working the only problem I ever knew of was a slight buzz on the VOATM phone lines.

Enjoy,
Steven


I'm glad to see that you have knowledge of it, and therefore we can have a decent discussion.

I'm from the days proceeding ION and Fastbreak. I led the team that cleaned up the abortion called MAPS.

3.5b? HA. HA. HA.

That fucking train wreck was at least salvaged.

Well, maybe not salvaged, but victory was declared, regardless of reality.

Lets just let this go, OK? I'm having anurysims just thinking about it.

[Mtgman]

To be honest the only reason I say I shudder at 3.5b was because it was the largest release(man-hours wise) ever done and it was kind of the pinnacle of the whole trainwreck. I fully agree that the early days were worse and more confusing, but the sheer SCALE of 3.5b(over a million man-hours) was the big deal there.

I'm happy to let the discussion end.

Enjoy,
Steven

[mattmorgan64]

To be honest the only reason I say I shudder at 3.5b was because it was the largest release(man-hours wise) ever done and it was kind of the pinnacle of the whole trainwreck. I fully agree that the early days were worse and more confusing, but the sheer SCALE of 3.5b(over a million man-hours) was the big deal there.

I'm happy to let the discussion end.

Enjoy,
Steven


Cool.

However, something inside me is satisfied knowing that years after the train wreck, all I have to do is mention the name of the train - on a forum I only started posting in 2 days ago, and I run across another victim of the wreck.

Sort of a virtual support group.

[Waverly]

Smiling Bandit, without laying into you like you deserve, how about you trust those whose jobs are different from yours to know what fucking tools they could use to do their jobs more efficiently? I gotta tend to think that most companies look for at least one or two capable people outside of IT.

I have never, ever been angry enough to call for someone’s job, but one had better damn well have their resume up to date before they dismiss something I have taken the time to justify out of hand, and refer to coworkers with similar requests as a ‘miserable pack of slime.’

It’s smug, myopic statements like yours that cause people develop a dislike for IT workers.

[carnivorousplant]

how about you trust those whose jobs are different from yours to know what fucking tools they could use to do their jobs more efficiently?

You've got a point there, and I only have 200 computers and four servers to take care of, but my mission in life is to make them all work, and it sometimes seems that the other guys spend all their time devising ways to break the damn things.

[Valgard]

Stuff I hate:

1. Parasites. Nothing beats needing one FTE to clean machines. Over and over and over.

2. People who take our time for granted. Do not forward your virus-laden emails to work or do your personal surfing here because you don't want to fuck up your home PC while we are always happy to clean up your mess at work. This is the quickest way to get my manager to have a little talk with your manager.

3. Anyone who asks "Oh great, are we getting another 'up-yours-grade'?" It was funny once, if that. You wouldn't like it if I dropped by and said "Oh great, are you getting ready to fuck up another set of paychecks?"

4. When you say you need help ASAP, and I call you and tell you that I will be there in two minutes, please take me at my word. Do NOT leave the office as soon as you hang up the phone.

5. Do not damage equipment through gross negligence. All this does is waste your time (which is the bottom line for the company) as well as my time and my budget. We're not talking about babying the equipment, but if you have been seen hurling your Blackberry across a conference room and you hold the record by destroying three laptops in four days, you really shouldn't be calling the CIO to scream that the IT department isn't doing their job. Just a little common sense is all that we ask.

6. Coworkers in other groups within our IT organization who duck phone calls and don't return messages. We are a team, please act appropriately.

7. Anyone who hides information. Whether it's the lawyer who neglects to mention that his laptop "Just stopped working" after he dropped it in the bathtub or the infrastructure admin who decides that he doesn't need to inform anyone that he just brought a mail server down in the middle of the day. None of us can do our jobs if we don't know what's going on.

[carnivorousplant]

7. Anyone who hides information. Whether it's the lawyer who neglects to mention that his laptop "Just stopped working" after he dropped it in the bathtub

Ah, come on, they all lie to us. I don't even bother to ask "Did you try to install something?" anymore.

I once got the answer: "No...not lately."

:)

[HMS Irruncible]

Yes, some IT workers are dicks, but then again people don't call up the payroll department with suggestions on how to print to paychecks better (because they have a checkbook at home) or ask them to run a sales report (because it has something to do with numbers).

It seems that IT is the only industry in the world that any schmoe off the street can do, because it suffers no time, resource, or staffing constraints. :rolleyes:

Amazingly, users manage to simultaneously inflate the supposed responsibilities of the IT department while at the same time vastly underestimating the skill and time required to save the universe. I'm supposed to be responsible for doing everything. And I'm also supposed to do it immediately, because computers are "easy if you have time to read the manual."

I keep a stack of manuals on my desk specifically for when that comment comes up. :wally

[Valgard]

Ah, come on, they all lie to us. I don't even bother to ask "Did you try to install something?" anymore.

I once got the answer: "No...not lately."

:)

I actually got told "Oh yeah, I was going to mention that" after spending 15 minutes sponging up spilled coffee from a PC that "Just went *pop* and stopped working". The guy had wiped up his desk, leaving a perfect case-sized puddle of brown liquid under his workstation.

Frankly the worst offenders (at least where I work) are in the IT department. Sample dialogue:

Me - "Hi Jane, we're suddenly unable to load the standard image onto the desktops. We've checked everything else we can think of, have any changes been made to the image since yesterday?"

Jane - "No, we aren't doing any work on that."

Me - "OK, we'll see if there's any other possible cause, in the meantime can you double-check, just to be safe? We've got 100 workstations to deploy tonight."

[one hour later]

Jane - "Can you try loading the image again?"

[30 minutes later]

Me - "Yeah, looks like it's working now. How was it fixed?"

Jane - "We didn't fix anything" [these aren't the droids you are looking for]

Me - "Well what happened? Did anyone change anything?"

Jane - "No." [move along, move along]

I think it's people who are scared to admit a mistake; I'm not going to scream at someone even if they do something totally boneheaded. However if someone does something that affects the end users we need to know about it asap and get it fixed asap. The managers can post-mortem the event later, but when people won't admit that something has happened, and then when it gets mysteriously resolved but we never hear "Here's what happened to process X and what we've done to ensure that we don't have that problem again" it doesn't fill me full of confidence.

[smiling bandit]

I have never, ever been angry enough to call for someone’s job, but one had better damn well have their resume up to date before they dismiss something I have taken the time to justify out of hand, and refer to coworkers with similar requests as a ‘miserable pack of slime.’

1) I don't make those calls and never have.

2) You did justify it. You know how rare that is? All I ever heard was "I want this." Not "I want this because..." But that's not normal, and even then you act like a jerk about it.

3) Most people I see I consider miserable slime. I'm not what you'd call a people person, though I can fake it pretty well. But that's the techie's viewpoint. Everyone want wants wants and no body bothers to ever learn anything about what they want. I don't care how important you are - if you treat us like a doormat, we're not going to care about your needs.

You're saying, without meaning it, that you should get whatever you want, and that we should bow down and thank you for the privelege, master. Most tech peopel I know and knew don't care whether or not the other guy even had a basic comprehension fo what a computer was (though it shouldn't be unexpected nowadays) - we just want some basic respect. We're not janitors, dammit!

[mhendo]

...we just want some basic respect. We're not janitors, dammit!Heal thyself.

Personally, i think janitors are also deserving of "some basic respect."

[black rabbit]

I am no tech weenie, but sure, I’ll pretend to know what I’m talking about for a few minutes. Authentic tech weenies are welcome to comment.


You may not use Outlook, for security reasons. OK. Sounds like a good move.
The mail server is Cyrus IMAP. Still with you. RIM claims Blackberry is IMAP and POP compatible.
RIM does not offer a solution for generic IMAP. Exchange/Domino/Groupwise, sure. But not vanilla IMAP.This is only true if you qualify your statement with ‘I am only interested in Blackberry Web Client or Enterprise Server.’ You still can still use other means to push mail out.
The IMAP box is not externally adressable. It's NATed, and behind a firewall.Does this prevent email from going out?
All incoming connections to the internal network must be encrypted, through either a VPN or SSL.Once again, this affects outgoing mail how?
All incoming connections to the internal network from third parties must be from a /28 subnet.ibid.
This guy managed to figure it out: http://www.mobilewhack.com/pda/blackberry/manage_your_email_when_using_the_bwc.html - as did a couple people down the hall from me who got their personal Blackberrys running without any IT help. Maybe that is the secret - don't ask IT for help.

Did you just Google "blackberry cyrus imap" or something? Because other than the fact that I happen to be running a couple of the same packages as that guy, his solution has absolutely nothing to do with my situation.

This guy (http://groups-beta.google.com/group/comp.unix.bsd.freebsd.misc/browse_frm/thread/fba534c8ca951951/27347314608d5dc3?q=blackberry+freebsd+sendmail#27347314608d5dc3), however, has a similar setup. Note this post, in particular:


I dont think that the push to Blackberries is done by the mailserver,
instead you would require a Blackberry Enterprise Server which integrates
with a MS Exchange or IBM Lotus Domino server.
http://www.blackberry.com/products/software/server/server4_0/index.shtml

I dont think that there is much you can do on the server-side with this
because the officail solution is quite limited to these two options. There
does seem to be some effort from third parties to change this. The fellas
at consilient claim to do what you want (for a price)
http://www.consilient.com/

There is a also open source Exchange imitation called Open-Xchange, but it
seems to be more focused on integrating with the front-end client support
(MS Outlook) rather than integrating with back-end infrastructure, AD, BES,
etc.
http://mirror.open-xchange.org/ox/EN/community/

I wouldnt be holding my breath for a solid open source solution anytime
soon, nevermind one that would require minimal alterations to your mail
backend. Sorry to be so negative.

If your organization is not too large, or if your desktop support staff has
nothing else to do you can always opt for the desktop redirector on every
blackberry user's desktop (again Widows desktops). The catch is that the
computer must stay on and the re-drector with Outlook to be always open
while the user is off to la-la-land with their Blackberry.

http://www.blackberry.com/support/faqs/redirector/index.shtml


Thanks for playing. Please come again.

[smiling bandit]

Heal thyself.

Personally, i think janitors are also deserving of "some basic respect."

Good point, but then, I always respected the facilities people. Of course, they also knew every electric panel and wire in the building, too.

I realize my remarks here were overly heated, and I do apoligize for that. I intended no offense to Waverly, whom I do not know no his co-workers. I meant those in thr spirit as if I was their techie, and how he/she/it/other might fel about Waverly's demands.

[smiling bandit]

Argh forgot this:

Maybe that is the secret - don't ask IT for help.

In a lot of large corporations, IT folks can't just go out and give one person a personal solution. If someone just goes and does something, it might work. It might not work if a thousand do-it-yourselfers run amok. That might bring down the whole system. In big organizations, don't ask the IT people unless you're willing to wait for them to implement a system-wide solution and roll things out to everybody.

[Flipshod]

It is HILARIOUS to hear techies complain about users; good, biting and intelligent fun at getting out that corporate frustration. And techies HAVE to condescend to their clients as a default posture, for valid reasons described above.

That said, the problem between management and support is a mostly a misunderstanding. As Waverly intimated, to management, IT is merely an expense line that helps generate revenue. i.e a means to a higher end that relates only peripherally to the job at-hand.

Many managers, often older ones, but mostly non-technical ones, see ALL support as PHYSICAL PLANT. To them, a person who can't fix the computer is just like a person who can't fix an electrical plug in the wall or a clogged toilet. In other words, they don't realize that these days, the person who moves the equipment on your desk mostly also probably has a higher IQ than you do.

It's a social thing. I think it will fix itself over time as more techie folks rise in the business world.

Flip

[butler1850]

Another source to hear it firsthand from those on the streets is Tech Comedy (http://www.techcomedy.com). I used to be a regular poster there when I was a full time Sys-admin for a medium size company... I understood the pain of all others of my type.

I tend to be the sort that will do my best to fix your problem, and will spend the time to explain what's going on, and provide training, so that you might be able to fix your problem later. Users expect me to remember the history of their machine, and understand all aspects of their workflow, is it too much to ask that they attempt to remember the training I've given them????? :smack:

-Butler

[greebo666]

Trying to fix a printers that a user in another office in another country has fucked around with, if you don't know what you are doing then don't touch the fucking thing...!!!!!! :smack: