I've won the Lottery!!!

[BarnOwl]

I am ineffably exultant (because I am unsure of the spelling of jubilant) to tell you that I have won £47,768 as a result of my nonparticipation in the UK National Lottery

It’s true! I have an email from their department of Customer Services replete with their phone and fax numbers.

I am telling only you about this because the Lottery officials warned, “…you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.”

You have to agree this makes sense, because as they say, “This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.”

So, I’m keeping mum about all this and will follow their instructions to the letter. As soon as I finish this note, I will file for my claim by contacting “...our fiduciary agent:

Mrs Catherine Pitcher.
Email:claimsagent_ifx@yahoo.co.uk”

Isn’t it grand!! I might even go to their “...online result site to confirm the value of your winnings and also get a prize breakdown:-

http://www.national-lottery.co.uk/player/p/results/results.do”

The close of the email was especially warm — quintessentially British, so I know it’s legitimate:

“Good luck from me and members of staff of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.

Yours faithfully,
Richard K. Lloyd.
Online coordinator for UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
Sweepstakes International Program”

I know you’re all extremely happy for me. (And maybe just a tiny bit jealous? Well HaHaHa on you. I’m rich and you’re poor. Only kidding.) I’m so excited, my ears are roaring!!!

And to show I’m a sport, I’ll give five pounds of my UK NATIONAL LOTTERY winnings to the first person who correctly identifies the source of the last sentence in the paragraph above.

[don't ask]

Dear Antiochus,

You have always been my favourite Doper and I congratulate you on your good luck. If only my poor unfortunate mother could enjoy but a fraction of such luck. A mere $1,000 (US - Paypal acceptable) would be enough to keep her alive but her lottery tickets have been duds. Anyway, good luck to you (no matter how little you deserve it), and my email is in my profile if you decide to save yourself from eternal damnation.

Yours lovingly,
A Friend

[Anonymous Coward]

Sucker. You had to brag despite the dire confidentiality warnings and now I've just claimed your prize!

It's all mine!

Still, I'll give you five pounds as a finders fee. Please post your bank account number and contact info and I'll wire that money directly into your account.

[don't ask]

Dear Anonymous Coward,

You have always been my favourite Doper and I congratulate you on your good luck. If only my poor unfortunate mother could enjoy but a fraction of such luck. A mere $1,000 (US - Paypal acceptable) would be enough to keep her alive but her lottery tickets have been duds. Anyway, good luck to you (no matter how little you deserve it), and my email is in my profile if you decide to save yourself from eternal damnation.

Yours lovingly,
A Friend

[LouisB]

You lucky devil; you probably had forgotten you even entered the contest, hadn't you? Still, congratulations and all that.

[don't ask]

Dear LouisB,

You have always been my favourite Doper and I congratulate you on your good luck. If only my poor unfortunate mother could enjoy but a fraction of such luck. A mere $1,000 (US - Paypal acceptable) would be enough to keep her alive but her lottery tickets have been duds. Anyway, good luck to you (no matter how little you deserve it), and my email is in my profile if you decide to save yourself from eternal damnation.

Yours lovingly,
A Friend

[Rayne Man]

Of course you can tell this is genuine by the way Mr Lloyd spells program.

I can beat that , in the last month I have won a Netherlands lottery three times and I am in line to receive 20% of some money in Nigeria. So I'm richer than you.

[NutMagnet]

Of course you can tell this is genuine by the way Mr Lloyd spells program.
... and that Ms. Pitcher uses a yahoo email address.

And BTW Rayne Man, I've already sent my bank account info and $20,000 to the Nigerians, so I'm closer to being rich than you. neener neener.

[swampbear]

HAH! That's nuttin'! Here in the US I got stuff from the Publisher's Clearinghouse and I just might be a millionaire! All I gotta do is stick a lot of stickers on stuff, scratch off some other stuff, order 127 magazines I don't want and put it all in a postage guaranteed envelope! It costs me nothing to mail it in! So There! :p

[don't ask]

Dear Rayne Man, NutMagnet and swampbear,

You have always been my favourite Doper(s) and I congratulate you (all) on your good luck. If only my poor unfortunate mother could enjoy but a fraction of such luck. A mere $1,000 (each) (US - Paypal acceptable) would be enough to keep her alive but her lottery tickets have been duds. Anyway, good luck to you (no matter how little you deserve it), and my email is in my profile if you decide to save yourself (yourselves) from eternal damnation.

Yours lovingly,
A Friend

[AngelicGemma]

What a coincidence! I won the other week! Strange, I don't even remember entering. I'm still waiting for my winnings...

[LouisB]

Of course you can tell this is genuine by the way Mr Lloyd spells program.

I can beat that , in the last month I have won a Netherlands lottery three times and I am in line to receive 20% of some money in Nigeria. So I'm richer than you.
The Netherlands lottery is nothing and I am in line to receive 30% of some money in Nigeria. Top that, why dontcha?

[Bricker]

People, people.

Percentages are meaningless. Would rather have 50% of a million dollars or 10% of 100 million?

I should point out that *I* have selected, because of my reputation for honesty and integrity, to assist the family of an assassinated Nigerian political leader recover their money and invest it here in the US. The percentage is substantial, but I'm warmed more by the fact that my reputation for honesty and integrity has spread all the way to Africa.

[ccwaterback]

:: taking notes, preparing for the stalk ::

:cool:

[iampunha]

Percentages are meaningless. Would rather have 50% of a million dollars or 10% of 100 million?

I should point out that *I* have selected, because of my reputation for honesty and integrity, to assist the family of an assassinated Nigerian political leader recover their money and invest it here in the US. The percentage is substantial, but I'm warmed more by the fact that my reputation for honesty and integrity has spread all the way to Africa.

Yes, but that reputation didn't make its way to the ears of a more wealthy African family. I have you beat on percent (23, with their layer commanding a small 5% of that) and gross sum (225 mil).

I do wonder, though, just how much money is to be had commanding a rebel faction in The Congo...

[Rayne Man]

I can top that , I have just received this wonderful business offer :-

Rodreguez Import/Export Inc.
1/281a Miller Street North Sydney 2060,
Sydney Australia.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I'm Dr.Lucas Fernaldo I represent Rodreguez Import and Export Company based
in Sydney Australia.

My company exports cocoa, rubber and timber for world trade. We are searching
for representatives who can help us establish a medium of getting to our
customers in Europe and America as well as making payments through you as
our payment officer.

Most of our customer pay out in cheques and we do not have an account in
your country that will clear this money. It is upon this note that we seek
your assistance to stand in as our representative in your country.

Note that, as our representative, you will receive 10% of whatever amount
you clear for the company and the balance will be paid to us.

If you are interested in this business transaction, forward to us the information
below:


(1)Your full names,
(2)Contact address and,
(3)Phone/fax numbers.

I bet I can make millions from this little number.

[Canadjun]

Interesting - just yesterday I got an e-mail that said I had won US$5.500, 000.00 (five million five hundred thousand united state dollars) (that's exactly the way it looked). Gee! I wonder what I should do with all that money!

It starts off saying:
FROM THE DESK OF THE MARIA HARRY ZONAL CO-ORDINATOR, CANADIAN LOTTERY PROMO INTERNATIONAL, 621 COCHRANE DRIVE, 7TH FLOOR MARKHAM, ONTARIO CANADA.

but the e-mail address it (supposedly) came from was mariaharry@moddermail.de . Odd! I wonder why a Canadian mailing came from a german e-mail address?

It also said
...This lottery was promoted and sponsored by Ted Turner, Jesse Jackson, Ken Evoy, and Bill Gates, President of the World Largest software, ...

Most amusing!

[AngelicGemma]

All this money coming in! We must be the luckiest people on the planet!

[Tapioca Dextrin]

But the downside to all of this, is that we are now in a position to buy all those penis enalrging pills, cut price BrandName Software, presciption medications, sexy teen bisexual virgins, surprisingly cheap motgages etc. that were previously out of our collective reaches.

[ZebraShaSha]

Dear don't ask,

You have always been my favourite Doper and I congratulate you on your good luck. If only my poor unfortunate mother could enjoy but a fraction of such luck. A mere $1,000 (US - Paypal acceptable) would be enough to keep her alive but her lottery tickets have been duds. Anyway, good luck to you (no matter how little you deserve it), and my email is in my profile if you decide to save yourself from eternal damnation.

Yours lovingly,
A Friend

[Kythereia]

No money bids, pleas, or bribes here. Spend it all, Antiochus! Splurge! Spree!


But consider a little for these guys (http://www.amnesty.org/)? ;)

[Mighty_Girl]

...but I'm warmed more by the fact that my reputation for honesty and integrity has spread all the way to Africa.Meh! That's nothing. You see, I am neither American nor a US resident and yet I receive everyday notifications from banks that I have been approved for mortgages.

Obviously they've caught wind of my unimpeachable honesty.

[Zjestika]

I happen to be very lucky myself! You see, an enormously wealthy realitive whom I've never even met seems to have died recently, and a very nice lawyer is helping me to get my share of the estate, which, despite my lack of contact with said dead relative, is quite a large sum indeed. I'm thinking that I'll use part of my newfound wealth to help one of those unlucky Nigerians. The rich keep gettin' richer!

ZJ

[PunditLisa]

I also received a similar e-mail and would be laughing all the way to the bank with the rest of you, but I went to balance my on-line banking account just this morning and discovered someone has ransacked my account!

It's a horrible irony, too, because just two days ago I received a dire warning from my bank warning me of fraudulent activity and asking me to verify my account numbers and passwords. I sent them all the information post haste, of course, but, alas! it must have been too late.

So now I have no way of sending the $1,000 to secure my winnings.

I have no luck.

[pepperlandgirl]

Well, I guess I'm just fucked. I keep getting email from a bank I didn't even know I had an account with letting me know that there's a problem with said account.

I don't even have any lottery winnings to deposit! I probably owe the bank money now!

[Rayne Man]

At least you can console yourself with your larger penis or breasts (depending on you gender) and the fact that you have a shiny new Rolex.

[Go You Big Red Fire Engine]

Well I just won an ipod mini!
Ref #CONSPRZ/1769/26051/21

CONGRATULATIONS
You've won an iPod Mini MP3 Player in a lucky draw conducted by us sometime back.
(Free Shipping & Handling; No Commitments).
Claim your FREE MP3 Player (http://prize2win.net/ipod)

Thanks,
James Bauhofer
Executive - Sales & Marketing

Trademarks, service marks, logos, and/or domain names are the property of their respective owners, who have no association with or and do not make any endorsement of the products or services provided. If you no longer wish to receive promotions emails, write to us at: A-12, Sector 9, NOIDA, IN or remove@esqueeky.com.

"Conducted by us" with no mention to who you actually are? Executive Sales and Marketing where?
I am actually a member of e-squeeky, and by member I mean someone who must really hate me signed me up anonymously, and I've been spammed by them ever since. You put them on your spam block and they just pop up with a new email address. :mad:

[casdave]

If it all gets too much you can enlarge your penis, keep it up for longer on natural Viagra, and smoke it all off afterwards on a genuine legal herbal high.

[Nocturne]

I happen to be very lucky myself! You see, an enormously wealthy realitive whom I've never even met seems to have died recently, and a very nice lawyer is helping me to get my share of the estate, which, despite my lack of contact with said dead relative, is quite a large sum indeed. I'm thinking that I'll use part of my newfound wealth to help one of those unlucky Nigerians. The rich keep gettin' richer!


You know what the best part is! The said relative had the same last name with a DIFFERENT SPELLING! Isn't that cool!

[BarnOwl]

You know what the best part is! The said relative had the same last name with a DIFFERENT SPELLING! Isn't that cool!


I bet it was NoUturne. There are a lot of those.