Poll for women: what do you want to hear?

[Little Nemo]

According to an online article I just read, these are the top 10 things women want to hear from their significant others:

"You're beautiful."
"You're a great lover."
"You're so smart."
"You're my best friend."
"You're the most important thing to me."
"I would never lie to you."
"I have never cheated on you."
"I'd be lost without you."
"You're funny."
"I love you."

So women, do you agree with this list? Which of these do you most want to hear? Which is least important? What other things do you think should have made the list? Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?

[Wesley Clark]

Why isn't "i'm glad all those pretty women rejected me and I ended up approaching you" on the list?

For that matter "wear this dress, you look more like my mother when you do" should be on the list too.

[Skellington]

"Of corse it's a real diamond"

[Si Amigo]

My girl loves to hear: "You were right honey". Gives her tremedous satisfaction! :D

[Abbie Carmichael]

Hmm they're all great, but I'd rather hear "you're so smart" or "you're beautiful." (I won't believe him on the beautiful thing, but it's nice to hear nonetheless.)

[betenoir]

Well, ok. I'll bite. This could be fun. Based on my current (and I hope permenent)SO:

You're beautiful."

People telling me I'm beuatiful has never done much for me. It's not like I have all that much to do with it...he thinks I'm beuatiful and that makes me happy. But I don't have to hear it.(Well, maybe if we're going out somewhere and I'm feeling insecure).

"You're a great lover."

Much more important that being beautiful. But I'd rather he showed it than said it :D

"You're so smart."

Always good. Better than beautiful. And particualy in his case 'cuz I know he's smarter than me.

"You're my best friend."

Bliss


"You're the most important thing to me."

Difficult. I can't be the most important thing to him right now because he's got too much else he has to deal with. So him saying that would make me feel I was weighing him down. Though I want to be important to him.

"I would never lie to you."

Bullshit. Everybody lies. You can't be in a relationship (one that survives) without a lie her and there. I would never trust someone who said that to me.

"I have never cheated on you."

Complicated. First of all we have an open relationship. So what "cheating" is may not be what is normally considered so. But more importantly, are we talking about the saying or the doing? I don't need to hear it. I just need to trust him.


"I'd be lost without you."

Not good. I want to help him. I don't want him to be needy. Not good in either direction.


"You're funny."

Well, unless he meant my crossed eyes and unusually positioned nose....saying I make him laugh is a very good thing.

"I love you."

Good. Always good. I guess with the exception that some guys say it because they think they have to. But some don't. And that's very very good.


What else? When I got depressed he would hold me and say "I've got you".


What else? I wrote him about going to a book sale and he wrote back something about pictuing me going throught the book and exclaming over my finds and that made him smile. And His writing that made me smile. That;'s what worked for me. So...I'm sorry for you men, once again the key to a woman's heart is getting to know that particualr woman. Still no Cliff notes available.

What else? Well, there was that noise he'd make when he was about to come. I loved hearing that.

[Hilarity N. Suze]

"You're beautiful."
"You're a genius."

Actually heard this, not all that long ago. Of course he was full of blarney. Still nice to hear.

I am also partial to, "Oh, don't worry about cleaning up the house. I'll do that tomorrow." Or I think I would be partial to it, if I'd ever heard it. I wonder why it wasn't on that list?

The one I'd least like to hear: "I have never cheated on you."

Why? Because I wouldn't have asked, so if I heard this . . . I'd be suspicious.

[lezlers]

This may seem shallow but when my S.O. told me that I was "impressive" in bed, I thought I'd float right on up to the ceiling. He could've been lying but I didn't care.

I didn't walk around the office the next day, I strutted. :cool:

[Queen Bruin]

All of them with the exception of "I would never lie to you." and "I have never cheated on you." Just cause if my husband said that to me, 1. It's sort of like, well, duh! He doesn't have enough time in the day to do either, 2. Taken by themselves, if I heard either I'd wonder why it was brought up :dubious: 3. Hi, Opal!

[pepperlandgirl]

On paper, "You're my girl" should be annoying and bordering on repulsive. But when he actually says it? I melt like a big melty thing.

[Large Marge]

Which of these do you most want to hear?

I want to hear the ones he really means.

Which is least important?

"I'd be lost without you." That one kind of creeps me out. I don't do "needy" very well.

What other things do you think should have made the list?

"Thanks for not lying to me to trap me and for not playing bullshit games"? (i.e., "I respect and admire you.")

Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?

Most often:

I often am commended about my abilities in the sack, but I would prefer to be judged and praised on something that is more about my soul than about my body or sex.

Least often?

"I'll take out the trash for you anytime!"

[CynicalGabe]

"What did I do wrong this time?"

(only not in that tone of voice!) :D

[Zoe]

I agree with the other women here about I'd be lost without you. That's not really a compliment. The older I get, the more important it becomes to me to know that he would be okay.

The compliment that I hear most often is about my sense of humor and sometimes he says, "You look good" -- just often enough that I think he means it.

"I love you" is my biggest security blanket.

To the list I would add that when I am sick or having problems with anxiety or depression, he always asks what he can do for me. There really are things he can do and it is so good to be reminded that he wants to help.

[Shakes]

:confused:

"Here's my wallet. Go have yourself a blast."

Didn't make the top ten??

[don't ask]

"Negative, negative my blood tests are negative," isn't a contender, eh?

[Elysian]

"Damnit, you just beat me at Trivial Pursuit!"

Not that he'll ever say that, but it would make me happy. :(

[DoctorJ]

"Hey, I just made a killing in the stock market! We're set for life! Now if only I could get rid of this crushing chest pain..."

[irishgirl]

"You're beautiful."
-That's always nice.
"You're a great lover."
-Ditto.
"You're so smart."
-I like being my SO's intellectual equal, this one isn't so important to me.
"You're my best friend."
-No, honey, I'm your SO, you have a best friend, and I'm not him, nor would I want to take his place.
"You're the most important thing to me."
- Good, and you're the most important thing to me to.
"I would never lie to you."
- I'd bloody well hope so.
"I have never cheated on you."
- What do you want? A medal?
"I'd be lost without you."
- No, you'd be really sad, and then you'd move on with your life, like a real man.
"You're funny."
- That's nice, but I'm not.
"I love you."
- I like this one best.


Which of these do you most want to hear?
I love you. It just says everything I want to hear.

Which is least important?
I would never lie to you. I expect to my SO to tell me the truth, to even suggest that this is something out of the ordinary is insulting to both of us. Likewise, the idea that I should be insanely grateful that my SO isn't sleeping around is a little hard to swallow.

What other things do you think should have made the list?
I'm so lucky to be with you
I love spending time with you
You're the best
I love your cooking
Why don't you put your feet up, I'll take care of it
How can I help?
What do you want me to do?
Why don't you let me treat you?

Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?
Most often: I love you, You're so cute, You have such a great body, I'm so lucky to be marrying you.
Least often:You're funny, I have never cheated on you, I'd be lost without you.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[slortar]

"I've just signed over my insurance policy to you. AAAAGGGHHH! A TRUCK!"

[uglybeech]

All of these statements are fine, but they'd be much more mellifluous prefaced by "Hi, I'm Clive Owen."

"Hi, I'm Clive Owen, and I'd be lost without you" would be quite pleasing to the ear.

Likewise, "Hi, I'm Bill Gates, and you'll never have to worry about money again" has a certain ring to it.

[AsecretK]

My two now ex-husbands said lines like the ones listed all the time.

My BF of now seven months has never said any of those things to me. I really don't need to hear them as his actions speak so much louder than those words.

[Nava]

I love is when my people (SO, relatives, friends or whatever) tell me they like something they tried at my request. It can simply be "I like that song" when it's in one of "my" tapes being played in "their" car.

"I need you" scares the bejesus out of me.

[Green Cymbeline]

I also like: "you're so much fun" and "you're so cool!"

[Tastes of Chocolate]

I love you
I was walking through the store, saw this <insert silly toy/gift> and thought you'd like it.
I just called because I was thinking about you.
I'm stopping on the way home to pick up dinner.

[Anaamika]

I love you
I was walking through the store, saw this <insert silly toy/gift> and thought you'd like it.
I just called because I was thinking about you.
I'm stopping on the way home to pick up dinner.
Seconded.

[jsgoddess]

I love you.
I knew you'd like this.
Go ahead, you deserve it.
You're the only person I've ever told that.

[mrklutz]

It's been a while since I had an SO, but back in the day, I always got a very warm reception to:

You make me smile
I have a surprise for you

Of course, the former was only pleasing because she knew it was heartfelt.

[ruadh]

"You're beautiful."

Of course - knowing that he really thinks so (for whatever reason).

"You're a great lover."

Nice to hear but not necessary.

"You're so smart."

Definitely. Because my SO is one of the smartest people I know and doesn't say things like this lightly.

"You're my best friend."

I'd probably feel guilty if he said this because I've had the same best friend for 20 years and it's not him. Although he is definitely up there on the list ;)

"You're the most important thing to me."

Yeah, this is nice.

"I would never lie to you."

No. A liar could just as easily say this as a non-liar, couldn't they?

"I have never cheated on you."

No, I'm a don't-ask-don't-tell kind of person.

"I'd be lost without you."

It would depend on the tone he said it in. I agree with others that it could be a bit creepy, but in a certain tone he could get away with it. I wouldn't put it anywhere near my Top 10 though.

"You're funny."

Eh, well, I wouldn't mind it but I wouldn't go looking for him to say it either.

"I love you."

Yes, yes of course.

Basically the best things he says to me are those which indicate that he sees me as his life partner. Things that show that he has the same intentions for this relationship that I have - those are what's important.

(Although I certainly wouldn't mind if he said the thing a previous lover of mine once said: "Why do you bother shaving your legs?" :D )

[overlyverbose]

"You're beautiful."
I like it when my husband tells me this, but it would probably be number six or seven on my list.

"You're a great lover."
This is nice, too, and my husband says his version of it fairly often, but since we don't spend all of our time in the sack, I think it's more complimentary if other parts about my personality/abilities are noted rather than my experience and capability in bed.

"You're so smart."
This is what I would find the most complimentary.

"You're my best friend."
I think that's nice, but I wouldn't really want my husband to call me his best friend. I'd prefer, "I feel like I can tell you anything" rather than the best friend bit.

"You're the most important thing to me."
I think that's a nice sentiment, too.

"I would never lie to you."
Depending upon the situation, I would wonder why my husband was telling me this. Did I ask him? Is he just telling me this out of the blue? If I have to ask him, that must mean I don't trust him. If he's telling me this for no reason, I'd feel suspicious. I prefer to assume that my husband wouldn't lie to me, and he's never given me a reason to think that he would, so this wouldn't even make it close to the list.

"I have never cheated on you."
Same as above - why is he telling me this? I trust my husband not to cheat on me, so either I'm insecure or he feels like he needs to assure me or both. None of those scenarios makes me comfortable, so, again, this wouldn't make it near the list.

"I'd be lost without you."
That's sweet, and every once in a while a similar sentiment is nice, but this sounds kind of needy and my husband probably wouldn't say something like that. If he did, I'd be a little freaked out.

"You're funny."
This would probably be second under "You're so smart."

"I love you."
You can never hear "I love you" too much. Unless it's someone whose feelings you do not return. Then it's either creepy or you feel bad knowing you don't love the person.

So women, do you agree with this list?
Sort of. They're all nice sentiments, but I'd prefer something like, "Overly, I've made you dinner and washed the dishes!" or "I called the contractor, and our master bathroom will be done by the end of the week!"

Which of these do you most want to hear?
I like it when my husband tells me I'm smart or funny. He also likes tell me I'm "smokin'," which always makes me smile. He says I love you often, too, which I really like.

Which is least important?
"I would never lie..." or "I would never cheat on you." They're important, yes, but I really don't want to hear my husband tell me either. I firmly believe he wouldn't lie to or cheat on me, so if he told me either for no reason, I'd probably be freaked out.

What other things do you think should have made the list?
"I'm so glad we're together."
"I love that we'll spend the rest of our lives with each other."
"I really enjoy talking to you."

Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?
Most often:
I love you.
You're so smart.
I love your sense of humor.
You're gorgeous/smokin'.
You are one of the most interesting conversationists I've ever met. (I absolutely love that one and consider it a HUGE compliment.)

Least often:
I would never lie to you.
I would never cheat on you.
You're my best friend.
I'd be lost without you.

[Shana]

I would definitely agree with the I'd be lost without you comment. That would send me running for the hills. I also feel kind of squicky about the best friend statement. My SO and I are best friends. I suppose he could say it, but why state the obvious? I also have a best girlfriend that I've known since highschool. We never tell eachother we're best friends though. Somehow that cheapens the relationship. The I would never lie to you and I would never cheat on you would send up a HUGE red flag....Other than that I'd say I agree with the list.

Which do you hear most often?
You're so insightful.
You look hot in those jeans.
What can I do to help you?
You have a great mind, pair of boobs, sense of style.
I can't imagine growing old with anyone else.
You always manage to make me laugh.
I love you.

Least often?
I'd be lost without you.
I'd never cheat on you.
You're my best friend.
You're a great lover. (Sometimes words are unecessary. :D )

[Indygrrl]

First off, I will say that I only want to hear things that are the truth. I'm only interested in what's really going on and what he's really feeling. I don't ever want him to say something because he thinks it's what I want to hear.


"You're beautiful."

This and all of it's variants please me greatly. I have a need for reassurance, and when he tells me this, I never get tired of it.

"You're a great lover."

I think everyone likes to hear this one. I've honed my skills, so I actually prefer, "Baby, you're the best." :D

"You're so smart."

I definitely like this one. It shows that he appreciates me for more than just my sex and appearance.

"You're my best friend."

I adore this, because he is my best friend and I want to be the same to him.

"You're the most important thing to me."

I would never expect him to say this. We both have children and families and things that are of equal importance to our relationship.

"I would never lie to you."

Eh, I don't expect this one either. Everyone lies about little things.

"I have never cheated on you."

This should go without saying. If he said that, I'd be concerned.

"I'd be lost without you."

I wouldn't want to hear this. It's too co-dependent. He had a life before me, and if for some reason we don't work out, he will have a life after, and so will I.

"You're funny."

This is a good one, because I'm always doing goofy shit to make him laugh. Most of the time it's pretty silly, but every once in a while I come off with a good one that gets him laughing.

"I love you."

*Swoon*
He could say it a million times and I'd never get tired of hearing it. It's music to my ears.

So women, do you agree with this list?

I'd say it's a pretty good list, as long as the man is being sincere.

Which of these do you most want to hear?

Beautiful, smart, and I love you.

Which is least important?

Being the most important thing to him, the co-dependent stuff, those are the kind of things that would make me run.

What other things do you think should have made the list?

Um, saying I'm "the most beautiful woman he's ever been with, the best he's ever had, etc." I get off on hearing that kind of thing, especially because I know it's true.

Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?

I'm lucky, I have a great guy who appreciates what he has (and I appreciate what I have), so I hear these compliments quite often. We tell each other "I love you" several times a day and we are always telling each other many of the compliments on the list, along with some others that I can't think of off the top of my head.

[Robot Arm]

"You're beautiful."
"You're a genius."How about,

"I love your user name."

[KateSmack]

"You're my best friend."

[Creaky]

So women, do you agree with this list?
The list is okay, I guess, but I certainly never expect any of that. Actually, a guy who said all of that nice stuff to me would be suspect, in my opinion. Too smooth to be trusted. I guess I prefer crabby, reclusive, repressed dudes. At least I know they like me for me.

Which of these do you most want to hear?
If I had to pick the thing I most wanted hear from that list, it would be,
"You're funny."

Which is least important?
"You're a great lover."

What other things do you think should have made the list?
"I'm buying!"
"You're so skinny!"

Which do you actually hear the most often?
"You're so skinny!"
"You're funny."

And the least often?
"I'm buying!"

[Little Nemo]

"I'd be lost without you" seems to be taking some major hits. Maybe you're just reading too much into it - it could just be referring to our manly inabilty to ask for directions.

And I can see how the lying and cheating comments could seem suspicious if they came out of nowhere. So to even the playing field, let's assume that you and your SO are having a conversation about the couple next door and how one of them is lying to/cheating on their spouse. Your SO could then say the appropriate version of "I would never do something like that to you" with all sincerity.

[moi]

"You're beautiful."
It's always swell to hear, but the lack of believable factor makes this one score kinda low for me.

"You're a great lover."
Also good to hear and significantly more realistic.

"You're so smart."
S'okay, but I hear this one in a real childish voice, like something I'd hear on a playground. I'd prefer, "That's pretty clever" or "You're pretty sharp!"

"You're my best friend."
This is wonderful to hear. Granted, if you know your SO has had a best friend for dozens of years, it should be a competitive thing. But, if it's true and he says it, it feels good.

"You're the most important thing to me."
I'm sure there would be times in a relationship where this would feel completely inappropriate, but in my marriage, it actually feels good.

"I would never lie to you."
Really, this is more suspicious than comforting.

"I have never cheated on you."
As above.

"I'd be lost without you."
I understand the creep factor some women have gotten from this statement, but I know my husband has said something similar after watching a movie where someone lost his/her spouse. In reality, would he pick up and move on...eventually? Sure. But I empathized with the hollow and lost feeling he got from watching the character's loss and devestation.

"You're funny."
I get a kick out of this one.

"I love you."
Always a winner.

So women, do you agree with this list?
Really, other than "I love you," I mostly like the little things we say to each other that are particular to us and aren't just generic compliments.

Which of these do you most want to hear?
Of the sentiments listed, "I love you."

Which is least important?
"I would never lie to you." The issues of trust and honest are important, but that sentence doesn't even begin to touch on them.

What other things do you think should have made the list?
I second jsgoddess's "You're the only person I've ever told that" and overlyverbose's "I love that we'll spend the rest of our lives with each other."

I add:
"When everything's all crazy, I love that we have each other."
"I don't regret the choices that brought us together. I'm glad we're here together."
"I have all my fun with you."

Which do you actually hear the most often and the least often?
"I love you" is definitely the most often. I don't think my husband has ever said "You're so smart" (he compliments my intelligence, just not with those words).

[carlotta]

I agree with the overall consensus on most of these ("beautiful" is good, "I'm not cheating on you" is disturbing, "I love you" rocks, etc.)

Some others I'd like to hear:

You're right!

I'm sorry (when appropriate)

No, stay on the couch, I'll clean up the cat puke


Favorite actually said:

I love the way you look in sweatpants! <swoon>

[Stoid]

"You're a great lover."
"You're so smart."
"You're my best friend."
"You're the most important thing to me."
"You're funny."
"I love you."



These are the best of those. Being told I'm beautiful is completely unimportant and weird anyway, since I'm not. I don't mind if my honey says things I can believe that are specific and believable and personal, like "I love your face" or "you have a cute butt". Plus more intimate things I won't share here...but think admiration of sexual things. (I never mind hearing that I give mind-blowing blowjobs, for instance.)

I want to hear about his love for me, and the things he likes or loves about me that are specific to me, not some crap he could hand to anyone. it's also important to know what he values, and if he were to go on about my beauty, I would be bothered because that means he values it too much. It has been my obvservation that the most cheated on women in world tend to be the most beautiful, and I have a simple theory about why: men who value that kind of beauty are easily distracted by the next pretty face. And it doesn't matter if you are Halle Berry, there is always a woman at least as gorgeous as you right around the corner, and hey, she's NEW.

My man admires a beautiful woman as much as any, but he doesn't VALUE it. He VALUES the things he sees and gets in me, which are far more complex and particular than mere beauty (or even great blowjobs).

[Cat Whisperer]

My husband told me "I love you until further notice." He's a born romantic, that one.

(And yes, he was mostly kidding.)