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View Full Version : Sperm (blush) sample.


05-19-1999, 08:07 PM
This question is inspired by the vasectomy thread. Something I've always wondered about, having never had the "pleasure" myself.
Two of my friends have had to give a sperm sample in the doctors office (a long time ago) and I wondered exactly what you do. I mean, do you just go into a room and, er, whack off? I'm really not all that modest, but with at least two people waiting outside for me to finish? Talk about performance anxiety!
Same for a sperm donation?
Is there any kind of encouragement?
Peace,
not mangeorge, somebody else.


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"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything" Mark Twain 1894

05-19-1999, 09:15 PM
Two of my friends have had to give a sperm sample in the doctors office (a long time ago) and I wondered exactly what you do. I mean, do you just go into a room and, er, whack off?

That's pretty much it. Sperm banks also offer appropriate reading material to help things along.

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www.sff.net/people/rothman (http://www.sff.net/people/rothman)

05-19-1999, 09:23 PM
A friend of mine had a vasectomy and was told to bring in his sample. He asked what he was supposed to do and the doc said "Use your imagination." He thot for another second and said, "Does it matter if there's saliva in it?" The nurse broke up on the spot and the doc admitted that no one had asked him *that* before.
;)

05-19-1999, 11:59 PM
My husband had to bring in samples several times before they "cleared" him for his vasectomy. He was allowed to do it at home. Just had to make sure he got it to the doctor's within a certain time frame.

05-19-1999, 11:59 PM
My husband had to bring in samples several times before they "cleared" him for his vasectomy. He was allowed to do it at home. Just had to make sure he got it to the doctor's within a certain time frame.

05-20-1999, 12:00 AM
Wow, my first double post. Today I am a woman. :o

05-20-1999, 12:13 AM
My husband had his vasectomy at Naval Hospital, Portsmouth, VA in 1987. He had to produce the samples (2 of 'em, several weeks apart, IIRC)on-site. They gave him a screw-top beaker and sent him into a private room. He wasn't provided with any reading (or viewing) material to help him along -- possibly because the Navy didn't want to be accused of promoting pornography.

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Jess
Full of 'satiable curtiosity

05-20-1999, 10:30 AM
When I went to UCSD in the late 70's there was always an ad on the job board for sperm donors. It paid $25 per umm shot.

I wonder if the going rate is higher today?

Also, how big a vial does one get? Cause one would have to keep ones eyes open during orgasm to make sure it umm gets in that vial.

05-20-1999, 10:58 AM
I've recently heard that $25-$75 is the going rate. I assume it depends on supply and demand in your area.

"Do you want cash? Or should we just go spank the monkey again?" Butt-Head

05-20-1999, 11:28 AM
"Does it matter if there's saliva in it?"
ROFL. I'm gonna get snippied just so's I can steal that line.

05-20-1999, 01:29 PM
In "The Right Stuff", Tom Wolfe describes the wannabe Mercury astronauts having to submit sperm samples. It's suggested that they use 'fatisization, followed by stimulation, followed by ejaculation'. I'd assume it would be the same for sperm banks and such.

Of course, if you needed any help they could always ask for a show of hands.

05-20-1999, 07:10 PM
Also, how big a vial does one get? Cause one would have to keep ones eyes open during orgasm to make sure it umm gets in that vial.

Handy, your name takes on a whole new meaning with this thread. :)



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05-20-1999, 07:51 PM
Leslie, you rascal. :)

Anyway, I seem to remember something that a doctor can palpate a man's prostate to obtain a sample?
Hmmm.
Can I do this myself?
Peace,
mangeorge

05-20-1999, 09:01 PM
I don't believe I'm posting this... :0

Try your "'tain't" mangeorge.


And if you think someone is watching you?... ;)

05-21-1999, 08:14 AM
Since I'm getting ready to give a sperm sample (for fertility testing), I can answer one of these questions. The collection container is about 3" high and less than 3" across. It has a screwtop lid. If you choose to give at home (or the office, I suppose), you have one hour to get the sample to the doctor's office.

This sounds like a bigger source of anxiety than "performance anxiety." I can see it now--me, driving like a maniac, trying to get to the doctor before my sample goes bad, getting pulled over by a cop. "Officer, please, I'm trying to have a baby!"

05-21-1999, 09:18 AM
Guy - should you get stopped, try this line:

"My sperm are dying! Oh, the pre-humanity!"

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The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. -- E. Grebenik

05-21-1999, 05:20 PM
Well, zyada, I finally found my taint. Now what do I do with it (to it) ? :)
Peace,
mangeorge

05-21-1999, 08:50 PM
:o

Try pressing on it firmly. Experimentation should tell you how firmly. Assuming we're talking about the same taint.

This does NOT work on women. (Had a boyfriend who would do this. I didn't realize what was wrong until someone explained how it affected male anatomy)

Did you realize that blushes only occur on exposed skin (Stops at your clothes).

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Mastery is not perfection but a journey, and the true master must be willing to try and fail and try again

05-21-1999, 10:33 PM
Man and a woman on elevator at research hospital. Woman strikes up conversation; she donated egg, got $50. Man is med student, donated sperm, got $100.

Next month, same elevator, same two. Man says, "So, here to donate egg again?" Woman says, "Mmm, mmmmm, mm, MMMMmmm, mmm, mmm."
;)

06-09-1999, 03:01 PM
"My sperm are dying! Oh, the pre-humanity!"

ROFL! I promise that I will use this phrase sometime in the next week!

06-09-1999, 03:39 PM
Turned in my sample last week. I thought I was going to have to use the "pre-humanity" line. I collected my "specimen" at home, then drove to the hospital. Knowing that I only had an hour to get there, I got more and more nuts over each traffic delay (and there were LOTS!). At one point I thought I was going to have to drive on the sidewalk to get around the slow traffic.

I'm sure you'll all be relieved to hear that the boys and I made it with 20 minutes to spare. Nothing like working under pressure.

06-10-1999, 12:34 AM
ROFL&L&L!!!

Guys, this has got to be the funniest thread I've seen in this forum.

Bravo!
Bravo!

06-10-1999, 09:55 AM
FTR, a college educated woman 21-30 (or thereabout ) who donates her eggs, receives about $2000-2,500. The reason it is so much is because the woman has to have daily injections of fertility medicine and has to moniter her cycle and temps religiously. Also, the extraction of the egg involves some level of discomfort too. I saw an article in the Detroit News about it and considered donating a little part of me to humanity, but the hubby weirded out...that and the fact that I do not possess a degree and am over the age bracket. (Hey, I don't live in a trailer park and posess all my own teeth!)

06-10-1999, 06:50 PM
If the egg were donated, the woman would get a tax deduction for the value of the egg.
And the recipient would only pay for the medical costs of removing the egg.
I watched a program about this very subject, on "Dateline" I think it was, last night.
Shirley Ujest;
Re: Egg donation.
The whole thing makes me uneasy. I'm not really sure why. There's no obvious harm done, but it seems like money can buy anything.
The cost of this procedure, just once, could easily pay for the adoption of several unwanted children.
Oh, well. We're kinda off the subject anyway.
Peace,
mangeorge

06-10-1999, 06:53 PM
Now how'd THAT happen?
Sorry, the salutation belongs at the top.
mangeorge

06-17-1999, 07:13 AM
OK, I have to contribute my sperm sample story....

My wife and I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 months without success. I made the suggestions that having sex more often might work, she took the scientific approach, trying to detect when she was going to ovulate and saying "YOU! COME HERE!" at the right moment.

Since the scientific method wasn't getting us anywhere, it was time to get our fertility tested. My wife brought home one of those helpful medical information pamphlets, this one outlining the steps involved in testing fertility. Step 1 for the man was getting a sperm sample tested, step 2 was getting a testicular biopsy. I was REALLY not interested in step 2 (ouch!).

The place where I went to give my sample was not a fertility clinic, but a general medical laboratory. The receptionist there was a hard-of-hearing grandmotherly woman, who asked why I was there (in front of a very crowded waiting room), and I mumbled "to give a sample". She just had to ask what kind of sample, and asked me to speak up. I had to announce to her and the whole room "I'M HERE TO GIVE A SPERM SAMPLE".

I was called back to the front desk again by a different much younger woman (with better hearing) to give all my insurance information. I asked her the procedure for giving a sperm sample, and she told me that I could either give it there or bring in my own sample in a sterile container, as long as it wasn't more that 15 minutes old.

As I waited to perform my medical procedure (whacking off), I contemplated the mechanics of bringing in a fresh sample vs. doing it there, especially since in my area it takes 15 minutes to go down the street. Would I have to do it at a stop light? Do it out in the parking lot? Just WHAT would I say to the police if I were caught - I'm sorry I can't stop, this is a medical emergency?

My sterile container was now ready, basically a BIG clear plastic cup with a snap-on lid, with my name on a lable on the side, brought to me my Nurse Ratchet herself. I had hoped that this place would have a designated whack-off room, tastefully appointed with a variety of pornographic magazines and lubricants to aid me in my medical duty. No such luck.

What I got was a sterile hospital-type bathroom with louvers in the door, so she could hear every sound as waited outside. Given the circumstances, it was not a lot of fun. When I was done, I handed the sealed container to Nurse Ratchet, who held it out at arms length like it was radioactive. Thankfully, she didn't march through the waiting room with with my sperm in plain view.

As it turned out, my sperm was just fine. My wife and I tried my approach, i.e. just have sex more often. We were pregnant the next month....

06-17-1999, 04:06 PM
I've recently heard that $25-$75 is the going rate. I assume it depends on supply and demand in your area.

There are some pamphlets in the gym where I go, advertising for donors. The company is in California and my gym is in Boston, so there must be some kind of national coordination. I'm yet to hear of a truck accident where frozen human sperm gets spilled all over the road, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen! Something for you to think about while driving home tonight.

Anyway, the requirements were strict: you had to be over a height of....I forget; 5'11" I think it was. You had to have a college degree or be enrolled and working your way towards one. And you had to have a sperm count in the top third of all men; a sperm motility in the top third; and whatever the idiosyncracies are that make some men's sperm easier than others to freeze and thaw successfully, you had to have.

So we're talking a rather limited pool of really top-of-the-line sperm donors here (at least by this company's standards). They pay for it too; I remember figuring out that if I could do it (I wouldn't know without a sperm count, etc.), and I donated the maximum amount of times they allow (which was something like every two days), I could just about pay my rent every month. Here in Boston, that's about $500.

Of course, bone marrow donations pay even more, and this being Boston there's always a zillion research programs looking for volunteers; they pay a small fee, usually, and some of them feed you (one of them was a nutritional study which included free meals for an entire year!). With luck I could quit my job altogether!

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06-17-1999, 07:54 PM
One egg, $5000.
Millions of sperm, (one er, squirt) $50.
Sheesh.
Peace,
mangeorge

06-18-1999, 12:36 AM
Anyway, the requirements were strict: you had to be over a height of....I forget; 5'11" I think it was.

What the hell does height have to do with anything? I assume all sperms are the same LENGTH.

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Remember, I'm pulling for you; we're all in this together.
---Red Green

06-18-1999, 12:50 AM
Rilchiam, that sperm bank was probably soliciting donors for artificial insemination. I'd guess they apply those restrictions because tall men with college degrees are more likely to be selected from their catalog.

06-18-1999, 11:20 AM
[[One egg, $5000. Millions of sperm, (one er, squirt) $50. Sheesh.
Peace,
mangeorge]]

Come on. You really can't figure out why?

06-21-1999, 09:11 PM
Aura: I figured as much, but the AI brokers don't have to play to heightist snobbery.

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Remember, I'm pulling for you; we're all in this together.
---Red Green

06-21-1999, 09:34 PM
"Come on. You really can't figure out why?"
---Cher3
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I'm not suffering from confusion here.
I'm suffering from "ovum envy". :)
Peace,
mangeorge

06-21-1999, 10:16 PM
I heard a news story on the radio once about a farmer who was upset because someone had stolen his thermos out of his pickup truck. The thermos had been full of bull semen. Boy, I bet that thief had a nasty surprise!

06-22-1999, 09:26 AM
A friend of a friend of a friend (you get the picture) once claimed that a nurse asked if he would be alright making his "donation" or if he needed a hand. Of course he suddenly forgot how to do the one thing he had probably spent his whole life since puberty doing and needed the assistance. Well it wasn't as he had hoped; the nurse attached some wires to his, erm, nads, and gave him a little shock, resulting in the desired donation and no doubt quite some disappointment. Now my question is, has anybody ever heard of this or is it a UL, I've heard that story several times now? It sounds too pat to be true, and I imagine it would be a littel uncomfortable to say the least, but you never know what those guys in the white lab coats are going to come up with next. Anybody?

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It only hurts when I laugh.

07-09-1999, 02:58 PM
My own sperm sample stories:

The first time was to verify that I was producing. I ended up at the only lab my insurance was associated with. It was on the western edge of Fairfax Co., VA, so there was no way I could donate at home and get it there before it was too late. I was pointed to the unisex bathroom with no material. (Had I thought about it, I would've picked up some "literature".) As I was approaching ejaculation, I realized I had a problem. My erection points up at about 80 degrees, so I had to bend over to get it to dip into the sample cup.

The second time was at a fertility clinic in preparation for an IUI. This place had a little room with a comfy chair and about 6 Playboys. The worse part was when I was flipping through an issue and two pages stuck together.