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Eve
05-11-2005, 12:48 PM
Inspired by the company names thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=316063), anyone see any really good company slogans? I always wanted to start a magazine store just so I could have a sign under the name reading, "We Have Issues."

The only one I can remember offhand is a demolition company in Baltimore (can't recall the company's name, but it itself wasn't funny) with the slogan, "We Destroy Everything We Touch."

cards
05-11-2005, 12:55 PM
There is a foundation repair business in St Louis that goes by the slogan " A dry crack is a happy crack".

There also used to be a plumbing/septic system company in upstate NY that went by the slogan "We're number one in the number two business".

Ethilrist
05-11-2005, 01:03 PM
There's a local electric repair company with the logo "Let us check your shorts."

CalMeacham
05-11-2005, 01:09 PM
There's a British magazine called Time and Tide (they published a lot of Tolkien's stuff). I always thought that their slogan ought to be:













"We Wait for No Man"















Thety could use it to describe their policies on deadlines.

tdn
05-11-2005, 01:31 PM
Wow, my entry seems pretty lame by comparison. A local travel agency has "Please go away. Now." on their window.

TellMeI'mNotCrazy
05-11-2005, 02:05 PM
Seen once on a septic company's truck: If you're not on our Shit List, you stink.

Trunk
05-11-2005, 02:09 PM
There's a place in Baltimore that makes window blinds (we actually have some. . .good thick blinds that don't curl on the sides) and on the back of their vans they have written,

"Caution: Blind man driving this van."

I use to work for a lawnmower man whose slogan was, "Hardest working man in mow business."

Eve
05-11-2005, 02:09 PM
Oh, I just remembered a butcher store in Brooklyn with the slogan, "You Can't Beat Our Meat!"

Guy_Incognito
05-11-2005, 02:11 PM
It's not a slogan, but rather a truly great corporate name - one of the best I've ever encountered:

Death Wish Piano Movers (http://www.deathwishpiano.com)

Hey, It's That Guy!
05-11-2005, 02:23 PM
Oh, I just remembered a butcher store in Brooklyn with the slogan, "You Can't Beat Our Meat!"

There's an infamous butcher shop in New Orleans called Wagner's, and they have huge billboards (plus T-shirts and bumperstickers that they sell) that say "You Can't Beat Wagner's Meat." I still have the shirt, a hilarious souvenir from my old band's first trip to N'awlins. We all bought one, even the guys who were vegetarians.

I'm also in the process of selling a vintage bowling shirt with a royal flush graphic on the back and a banner that reads "Ace High Plumbing: Home of the Royal Flush."

tdn
05-11-2005, 02:29 PM
There's an infamous butcher shop in New Orleans called Wagner's, and they have huge billboards (plus T-shirts and bumperstickers that they sell) that say "You Can't Beat Wagner's Meat." I still have the shirt, a hilarious souvenir from my old band's first trip to N'awlins. We all bought one, even the guys who were vegetarians.
Ever heard of a nightclub called the Funky Butt? A friend of mine used to work there. Their slogan was something like "It's warm, it's cozy, it's tucked away." I wonder if I still have the T-shirt my friend sent me.

swampbear
05-11-2005, 02:34 PM
The Pit Stop BBQ Joint in Tifton, GA advertises "The Best Butt In Georgia." I've always thought they should say "Bite Our Butts."

Daithi Lacha
05-11-2005, 02:48 PM
Last week, driving behind a pickup truck with pool-cleaning equipment in it's bed, my wife & I had a good laugh.
In the rear window was the company name, surmounted with the motto
"JUST UNTIL WE WIN THE LOTTO!"

Makes you wonder about their commitment to quality, though...

FilmGeek
05-11-2005, 02:52 PM
A homestyle fried chicken restaurant in Kansas City (Stroud's) has the slogan: "We Choke Our Own Chickens".

The King of Soup
05-11-2005, 02:58 PM
When I lived in S. California, I was struck by the billboards of a local car dealer:

"Bring your wife in and we'll dicker!"

pinkfreud
05-11-2005, 02:59 PM
For many years, a real estate agency in my town had a billboard featuring the slogan Get a lot while you're young.

tdn
05-11-2005, 03:00 PM
The Pit Stop BBQ Joint in Tifton, GA advertises "The Best Butt In Georgia." I've always thought they should say "Bite Our Butts."
An intimate apparel store here has a sign that says "50% off all lingerie." I always thought they'd drum up more business if it said "Our lingerie is half off."

Ethilrist
05-11-2005, 03:07 PM
Leinkugel's Big Butt Doppelbock has the slogan, "Grab a Big Butt Today!"

Ellen Cherry
05-11-2005, 03:08 PM
There's a salvage yard visible from I-65 in Indiana. I can't think of the name (Wrecks Inc. maybe?), but their slogan is "We Meet By Accident."

Hey, It's That Guy!
05-11-2005, 03:23 PM
Ever heard of a nightclub called the Funky Butt? A friend of mine used to work there. Their slogan was something like "It's warm, it's cozy, it's tucked away." I wonder if I still have the T-shirt my friend sent me.

I've been there, hung out there! I caught a jazz combo led by drummer Jason Marsalis (of the famous jazz family) there, and saw Dave Pirner, the lead singer of the band Soul Asylum, just hanging out at the bar, drinking with friends. Cool little club, although I haven't been there since 1998.

Zebra
05-11-2005, 03:29 PM
There is a trucking company called "Route 66" and for some reason their mascot is a camel with a "66" on the hump.

Their slogan? Humping to Please

tdn
05-11-2005, 03:32 PM
I've been there, hung out there! I caught a jazz combo led by drummer Jason Marsalis (of the famous jazz family) there, and saw Dave Pirner, the lead singer of the band Soul Asylum, just hanging out at the bar, drinking with friends. Cool little club, although I haven't been there since 1998.
That's right around the time my friend worked there.

He tells a funny story about how they were closing one night. Everybody was dead-dog tired. Just as they were locking the doors, who should show up but Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, with an entourage of groupies and a truckload of disposable cash. "Sorry guys", said the employees. "We're just way too tired to party with you."

Ah, the Marsalis brothers. I used to know two of them. And jammed with one once (Branford).

SnakesCatLady
05-11-2005, 03:42 PM
Employees at Mike & Ed's Bar-B-Que wear shirts that say "You can smell our Butts for miles."

Custom framing shop in Leesburg, Fl: "I Was Framed."

Portable sign in front of framing shop: "Repeat after me "I like your frame"."

Kent Clark
05-11-2005, 04:14 PM
There's a car dealer in town named Jack Schmidt. When he first opened up I kept expecting to say something like "If you don't know where to get the best deal on a new car, then you don't know Jack Schmidt!"

It took 10 years, but he finally started doing it.

Cervaise
05-11-2005, 06:31 PM
Local exterminator: "Just Say No To Bugs."

Morbo
05-11-2005, 06:42 PM
How about Schaefer Beer? "It's the one beer to have when you're having more than one." Always cracked me up.

LilyoftheValley
05-11-2005, 07:00 PM
There's a produce stand that I used to drive by with the slogan:

7 days without our fruit makes one weak. :smack:

Sternvogel
05-11-2005, 08:23 PM
Employees at Mike & Ed's Bar-B-Que wear shirts that say "You can smell our Butts for miles."

At a Lafayette barbecue place, the corresponding slogan is "Get Your Pork Pulled at South Street Smokehouse".

Patty O'Furniture
05-11-2005, 08:56 PM
Body shop: We take the "dents" out of accidents.

Rhubarb
05-11-2005, 10:34 PM
A concrete coring company in Dallas, Cowboy Coring, has the slogan "Your hole is our goal."

DrLoveGun
05-11-2005, 11:53 PM
There was a local portable toilet company in CT with the motto, "We're number 1 in the number 2 business".

Dinaroozie
05-12-2005, 08:01 AM
Though I can't be certain of the truth of this claim, there was apparently a septic tank installation company (or some such thing) in my home town, and their slogan was "Your crap is our bread and butter".

Also, there's a shop in Melbourne that sells compasses, and their slogan is "Get one or get lost!"

~ Isaac

TheLoadedDog
05-12-2005, 09:15 AM
There's always the good ol' laundry one: DROP YOUR PANTS HERE.

Another was a (sadly now closed) cleaning supplies shop next door to a religious supplies one, of course being : cleanliness is next to godliness.


Not sure if it counts, as they are visual, but a local fashion boutique at Sydney's Bondi Beach (when I was living there in the 80s) filled their window with old metal springs and announced their "Spring Collection". The same mob dismembered a mannequin, added some red paint, and had "A NASTY FALL".

DrMemory
05-12-2005, 09:19 AM
I have two near me now.

1. The local radiator repair shop whose slogan is..."The Best place to take a leak"

2. A local construction-equipment rental man's buisiness is named
"Wally's Private Parts". The slogan on his sign says..."We Have Skidders!"

picunurse
05-12-2005, 11:04 AM
There's a BBQ place in Woodinville WA named The Armadillo. Their slogan is "Home of Mad Cows, Pissed off Pigs and Upset Chickens"

sewalk
05-12-2005, 03:25 PM
How about American imported bottles of Warsteiner beer:
Because life is too short to drink cheap beer.
I don't know what domestic German bottles say; I always drank Bitburger when I was in Germany: Ein Bit, Bitte!

Man With a Cat
05-12-2005, 03:31 PM
This isn't really a sogan, but there's a bar/restaurant supply store I walked past in Philadelphia that had, in huge letters on the side of the building:

"The Stool Store"

I wanted to go get a sample for the next time the vet needed one from the cats.

MagicEyes
05-12-2005, 08:54 PM
My favorite:

Seegars Fence Co.
"Dependable Erection Since 1949"

Beware of Doug
05-12-2005, 11:56 PM
My favorite is fictional, coming from the otherwise excruciatingly awful gangster movie Once Upon A Time In America. James Woods has a mortuary that's a mob front, and painted on his panel truck is the slogan:
"Why Go On Living When We Can Bury You For $59.95?"

Larry Mudd
05-13-2005, 12:35 AM
Oh, I just remembered a butcher store in Brooklyn with the slogan, "You Can't Beat Our Meat!"That slogan is also used by the gayest beer & burger joint in Canada (http://www.hamburgermarys.ca/main.html). (Which is the place to be on a Sunday night. Woot!)

There's also Modrobes, (an apparel chain,) the Vancouver outlet of which used to have a sign out front that said "I WANT YOU IN MY PANTS."

That's a good'n.

AskNott
05-13-2005, 12:38 AM
One of the oldest exterminators in Anderson has this emblazoned on their trucks, "Baxter Pest Doctors--All Our Patients Die."

The official name of the company that ran the Baskin-Robbins ice cream store was Partners In Cream.

A body shop here claimed, "We can fix anything but a broken heart."

A place called Southern Yankee BBQ had a sign out front. "Eat here or we'll both starve." It's closed now, so I guess it was true.

The best plumbing company in town is called Royal Flush. One billboard showed their logo king-with-a-plunger up to his waist in water. "Call Royal Flush, it beats a full house!" Every December, their billboards show "eleven pipers piping."

One of the local yard-mowing firms is called Lawn Overdue.

N. Sane
05-13-2005, 07:55 AM
There's a diner in Fort Worth called Dixie House, and they're the "home of the big buns!"

CalMeacham
05-13-2005, 07:59 AM
In Cambridge, Massachusetts there was (probably still is) a place called Jae's diner that had the slogan "Eat Here and Live Forever". Next door was a Barbecue joint with the slogan: "Eat Here and Die Happy"

Patty O'Furniture
05-13-2005, 12:13 PM
The Incinerating Toilet (http://www.incinolet.com/)

"Won't hurt your bottom line!"

Spatial Rift 47
05-13-2005, 05:47 PM
[slight hijack]
Not exactly a company, but a friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday that the song used to market Viagra should have been

Ringo Starr's "It Don't Come Easy"


[/slight hijack]

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