Best Way To Get Engaged

[Skott]

Okay, there's this girl (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=31750) that I love who I finally decided that I will spend the rest of my life with her. And, as you may have seen before (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29498), I'm not a big fan of the diamond business for several different reasons. This can make the expected engagement process a little difficult.

However, I concede this point: It's a lot easier to convey to society that she is engaged using a diamond ring than with any unconventional means (i.e. other gems) that would allow me to have a free conscious of not having to associate with the devi... er, I mean DeBeers company.

That being said, I'm now in a moral quandary: How do I buy a engagement ring and not feel like I've been too polluted by the whole experience?

She is a girl who would put the experience ahead of the actual ring, i.e. she wouldn't care about the size or cost of the ring as long as she got one that looks nice. One thing I can think of is a cubic zirconium, but there is the stigma (http://www.interlog.com/~jsingh/) of "cheapness" associated there. The other is a pawn shop, but that makes finding the right one more difficult.

Any ideas, concepts, architectural renderings (http://share.geocities.com/Pentagon/2519/titanic/Boatdeck.gif) would be greatly appreciated.

Skott

[Tymp]

Skott,

My approach may not be suitable for everyone, but I believe the best method is to club her like a baby seal and tattoo your name across her ass while she’s unconscious.

[mangeorge]

that'll be the pedal on the right. Them move the shifter...
Just kidding. ;)
Myself, I think that a really BIG, good quality cubic zirconium has it all over a small diamond. But i'm not a woman. Some of them don't seem to understand value. :D
Remember, you need to impress her friends too. So get her to help you select the ring. Most women I've known appreciate that. You can also get a nice inexpensive ring with the promise to exchange it for the "real" thing at a specified later date (5th anniversary, or such).
My best advice? Go with your heart.
BTW; I'm divorced, and still single at 55. :D
Good luck, and enjoy.
Peace,
mangeorge

[greatsatan666]

I cannot be constructive, so instead I will offer these 10 ways you absolutely under no circumstances should get engaged, courtesy of Microsoft Gaming Zone (http://www.zone.com/zzzz/zzzzcreativelove.asp)

** Warning: do not read this on a full stomach **


Top 10 Creative Gaming Ways to Pop the Question

Ahh. . . l'amore. Looking for NEW creative ways to pop the question
to your loved one? Jumping out of a plane to ask can be a little
dangerous (plus, they might not be able to hear you screaming during the
freefall) and putting a ring in a fortune cookie may require you to
perform the Heimlich Maneuver (hardly the prelude to romance). Well,
here's 10 VERY CREATIVE and SAFE ways to pop the question that will
appeal to the heart of any true gamer.

Here goes. . .
One. In any Age of Empires game (Age, Age of Empires: Rise of Rome, Age
of Kings), let your imagination run wild with the map editor. Have the
trees spell out your question of marriage or place your military in a
heart formation. Better yet, use a bunch of berry bushes to create a
heart -- the berries can pass for red roses.

Two. Hiring a plane to spell out “Will you marry me?” can be quite
pricey. May we suggest getting a plane of your own? An online plane,
that is. In Fighter Ace, have one of your buddies friendly fire you so
your plane can start smoking. Then, very quickly, pilot your plane to
create a heart with the smoke and radio in (via chat) your message.

* (Are you disgusted yet? If not, keep reading) *

Three. Looking for the perfect engagement ring? Come online to the
jeweler in Asheron's Call. With enough pyreals, you can purchase a
mystical ring and a parchment. Inscribe the parchment with your message,
meet your loved one online in your finest armor, get down on one knee,
and hand him or her the parchment. Don't forget to take a screenshot --
it's important to capture those memorable moments.

Four. How about taking a toy car and spray paint your message on it? You
can in Re-Volt. Select the car from the toyshop and get creative. With
your car perfectly designed, invite your beau to a game and as soon as
the game starts, race ahead so your message can be seen. See how to
customize your car.

Five. Spell out your love! This is a little tricky, but if you get
the right letters in Scrabble, you can slowly spell out “Marry Me?” And
if you don't have all letters at once, then take your time -- you can
spell it out between turns.

Six. Go parking! There are some pretty nice views in Monster Truck
Madness. Meet online, drive out to a secluded stop, and pop the
question.

Seven. Try aerial views! Get about 20 of your closest pilot friends
together in Fighter Ace and create a heart formation. That's a sure
attention grabber!

Eight. Have all your friends come online with their bikes and do a
wheelie salute in Motocross Madness 2.

Nine. Save $200 on that tuxedo and design your own with a Quake II skins
editor. Once you've got your tux, invite your loved one for some
one-on-one time.

Ten. Sing it loud and proud! How about serenading the one you love
by including your favorite songs within the game? If you both enjoy a
good game of Age, instead of sending taunts, you can play your special
song. In any of the Age of Empires games (Age, Age of Empires: Rise of
Rome, Age of Kings), copy and save the song as a .wav file and save it
to your /Program Files/Microsoft Games/Age of Empires/avi folder. Make
sure you have your .wav file saved on both your computer and on hers.

For more creative tips on building your relationship, see MSN's Love &
Relationships.

::barf::
Crap. I'll never get that stain out.

[Kat]

If she's got a favorite stone, see what you can do about getting an engagement ring with that stone. The ring doesn't have to tell the world she's engaged, you and she can do that, I'm sure (although many people might still figure out it's an engagement ring, if she wears it on the proper finger).

[Lily]

Take a few weekends and go antiquing. At most good shops, they'll have collections of old jewelery, beautiful stones with classic cuts, or if the shop doesn't have any pieces, they'll likely be able to refer you to a place that does. It's a good way to get around the ridiculous prices at places like DeBeers, and you get a ring with a sense of history behind it. Can't beat it.

[Jodi]

I second Kat and Lily. If you don't object to diamonds specifically, but just the cartel, see if you can't buy an antique ring -- some of them are beautiful. Or use a different kind of stone. Or get her a really beautiful, unique ring without a stone -- I mean, the ring's the thing, right?

I, for one, would not go with CZ. It's just a big ol' fake diamond. By buying it, you still sort of promote the diamond industry by having your fiancee sport a diamond, albeit a fake one. Plus, your sweetie might interpret it to mean that you don't care enough (or you are too cheap) to spring for the real thing.

Most of the women I know (including me) would rather have small and real, or different and real, than fancy and fake. ESPECIALLY for an engagement ring, which ought to symbolize the antithesis of fakery. Just my O.

[JavaMaven1]

Originally posted by Tymp
Skott,

My approach may not be suitable for everyone, but I believe the best method is to club her like a baby seal and tattoo your name across her ass while she’s unconscious.



Damn. I was wondering what that big "Tymp" across my butt was all about. Thought I had sat in something.

Back to the OP...

I have to vote along with Kat, Lily, and Jodi. You don't have to buy a big, stinkin' 2 carat diamond to show your love and devotion to your girl. Find out what kind of ring style and gemstones she likes--walk by jewelry stores very slowly and see what she stops to look at. Check out antique stores, and do check out the pawn shops--but bring someone who knows jewelry with you. I think you could find a beautiful ring in an antique store--or even check out some local auctions that are selling jewelry. She seems worth the effort to get her a ring that she'll be happy with. Stay away from the CZ. It's just cheesy--better to have something small, real, and well-selected than to have a big, gaudy ring.

BTW--I'm one of those women that does not like the standard diamond ring--your girl may be one of those (and if she understands your position on DeBeers, as I do, she may not want a diamond whatsoever). I've been honest with my BF of two years--we've already talked about marriage, and I've told him that if he plans on proposing, that I'd like a silver celtic-style band with an emerald (not that I'm greedy--he did ask me what type of ring I would like). He doesn't need to spend "two months salary" to make me happy.

[tcburnett]

As usual, I am the one-percenter. I have given away several diamonds and I'm out of that business. But I do know a diamond from a CZ. A CZ doesn't flash. There are simple and complicated tests, but if you are going to get her a stone, get her a diamond. She may SAY it doesn't matter, but it does, big time.

Antiques are nice, but she doesn't want something someone else wore unless it is an heirloom in your family.

If you must, buy a diamond from a newspaper ad or a pawn shop and have it mounted in a mounting you choose for her. You want a diamond of VS1 or better quality. (Diamonds are graded for clarity: IF - VVS1 - VVS2 -VS1 - VS2 -S2 - S2 and down). You want a nice color but A, B and C are out of your price range. Grading goes all the way to 'Z'. You want to purchase something in the D, E, F, G, H or I color. Diamond sizes are measured in 'points' with 100 points being 1 carat.

Your only other choice is to forego the engagement ring altogether and get matching wedding rings. Some women will fall for this gambit.

All of my other posts may exaggerate a bit, but this is the exact literal truth on this subject.

[epeepunk]

When my wife and I got engaged, we found a little custom jewelers where we designed our own rings. We both had a clue what we wanted, so it was mostly a matter of making little doodles for the guys in the store. My wife was more interested in color than cost, and got synthetic sapphires and emeralds in a white gold setting. I had a piece of lapis inserted into a large white gold weddding band.

Cost for each was about $300. Yes the synthetic doesn't sparkle the same. If that's important (and it often is) then estate jewelers are a good place to go.

My brother-in-laws wife had a family jewel :) reset as her engagement ring. Do you have anything like that?

I think you are in for a long shopping time (oh no say the guys) but since you are refusing the industry method, you don't have much choice.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

I'd like to ring in HEARTILY on the antique ring idea.

It's a great one. I'm biased, of course, since I have a vintage ring as my engagement ring. It happens to be diamonds and sapphires, but if you'd like to avoid gemstones altogether I've seens some antique filagree ones with no stones that are stop-in-your-tracks gorgeous. You can find white gold, yellow gold, platinum....

I've always gotten tons of compliments on my ring. So much so that when I wanted another piece of jewelry, we went back to the same dealer and I got a gorgeous amethyst filagree ring for my other hand. I may never buy new jewelry again.

I occasionally get the comment "Oh, is that a family ring?" to which I reply "Yes--someone ELSE'S family!"

[Tymp]

Originally posted by JavaMaven1
Originally posted by Tymp
Skott,

My approach may not be suitable for everyone, but I believe the best method is to club her like a baby seal and tattoo your name across her ass while she’s unconscious.



Damn. I was wondering what that big "Tymp" across my butt was all about. Thought I had sat in something.



Just don’t ask what I intend to do with this branding iron for the actual wedding ceremony.

[Mr.Zambezi]

My wife is like your girlfriend. I did two things. First of all I got a small ring and I designed a setting. Then I paid a jeweler to make it for $500. This made it unique and showed that I cared.

second, I had a great engagement. If you don't want to hear about it, don't read on.

I drew a map of our favorite park on parchment. then, on the reverse side of the map, i wrote down a bunch of clues on 6 sections of the map. THen I tore up the paper so that the clues were all on separate pieces of paper. When she got home from shopping with a friend, the first clue was taped to a bottle of wine at the house.

Each clue led her to a location in town that had special meaning. The first stop was where we met, the secod where we had our first kiss...and so on.

At each location, one of our best friends was waiting with flowers. The flowers increased in formality with each location reflecting the deepening of ou commitment.

When she had been to all six places and had all six clues, she turned them over and put them together like a puzzle revealing the map, which showed where I was waiting for her. By this time, she had 10 friend swith her who dropped her off.

I was standing in the park by a lake. I proposed. When she said yes, I pulled a string that released a bottle of champagne that I had rigged up in a tree. The bottle came swinging down and we toasted.

I got about 1,000 "get out of jail" free cards for putting so much into the engagement. SHe didn't even look at the ring.

THey key is to a) make sure she can show off to her friends
b) make it elaborate
c) show that you care

I suggest sitting down with her closest friend and finding out what would ring her bell. I am sure she has thought of it before and probably has some definite ideas on how it should be done.

[stolichnaya]

But I can't help picturing this lovely, blushing young thing tripping around town from one location to the next, her sense of romance and excitement building logarithmically, until finally she arrives at the spot where she, yes she is to become the one and only Mrs. Zambezi, as she has dreamed for, golly it just seems like forever, and everything is just perfect and she's absolutely in love and then you reach up and pull the string and a full bottle of champagne swings out of the skies like Thor's hammer and...

Well you get the picture.

All kidding aside, cheers for your exceptionally romantic engagement, I found it inspiring.

[Mr.Zambezi]

thanks Stoli. ROFLOL. That would be a great skit for Benny Hill.

One thing I wanted to bring up about this comment by SkottOkay, there's this girl that I love who I finally decided that I will spend the rest of my life with her

You will not be spending the rest of your life with her if you keep calling her a "girl." Your future wife is a woman

[stolichnaya]

Skott,

I'm a single guy. But my pals have been dropping like flies over the last year or so, and I have had many opportunities to discuss engagement tactics and their results.

First off, if it's not your personality, don't put on an elaborate show like Mr. Zambezi. I'm sure he's like that, and it's one of the things that made his wife fall in love with him. That's what makes it appropriate. Plus, something like that can go horribly wrong, as I've previously illustrated.

It can be tempting to design your engagement with the idea of impressing your girlfriend's friends. Do not do this. This is for her and you, and that's it.

As Mr. Z. indicated, revisit (literally or metaphorically) the times and places that are a big part of you as a couple. Let your personality come through. In fifty years you won't really give a hoot about the skywriter or the map or champagne or the Elvis impersonator. You will remember the look in her eyes when she says "yes".

Of course, IANAMG(married guy), so YMMV.

[Mr.Zambezi]

Guys, do you know how you have a fantasy of being a famous athlete and winning the big game? Or how you can imagine what you would do if you were really rich and owned a huge company? (or any other fantasy, for that matter.)

Well, women have a similar fantasy about someone asking to marry them. Find out what it is and do it. Some women would love it to happen in front of family, some wouldn't. Some want a zillion candles lit and a moonlight proposal. Some want a billboard. Only you and their girlfriends know. Just make suyre that it takes work and planning so that they can see how much you care.

And, yes, stoli, my engagement was exactly my style of doing things.

[tomndebb]

My wife (then not-yet-fiancee) indicated that she did not really like diamonds that much. She did express a fascination for smoky topaz. Her engagement ring turned out to be a smoky topaz (imagine that!) and she still gets admiring comments on it.

[Arnold Winkelried]

Another thing to consider:

A diamond is very solid and won't break. I have read in another thread (I'm too lazy to look it up) a post by someone saying how the ring in their stone shattered when it struck something. I imagine a cubic zirconium is even more fragile than a topaz or a ruby.

I personally think diamonds are boring and prefer the coloured stones, so my fiancée's engagement ring has a small diamond in the centre surrounded by an emerald, a ruby and a sapphire.

[Skott]

I just like to say thank you for the advice and replies, giving me a lot of insight into what I need to do. Frankly, I can't confide in my friends, because they're all too likely to give it away and I want this to be an extraordinary suprise. I've done that before... for her birthday, I bought this pie rack that she really wanted, assembled it in my closet without her knowing, and then had my best friend put it in her bedroom (she and I are roommates) while we were out dining. When we came home and she went up to her bedroom, she was completely shocked (and a little freaked out to find this thing in her bedroom): No idea had formed in her mind that that was what her gift was. I would like to pretty much double that experience for her.

I have a general idea of what she would like for a ring... she would like it simple (http://www.creditdiamonds.com/html/lev3336.html) and with white gold; however, I was thinking platinum. Only thing is, I would like matching wedding bands and I would like mine gold, so that makes things a little more complicated.

I actually have gone antiquing<sp> and looked at some rings. Most of them appear to be large and guady. But, being stubborn and based on your advice, I will try again. I'm not really familiar with pawn shops and therefore don't have enough knowledge/trust to attempt that avenue yet.

There are some family rings that might have been available to me, but my relationship with my girlfriend has been severly frowned upon, for reasons I do not wish to go into here. My brother got a diamond from my father's graduation ring when he (my brother) got engaged; I won't even try asking, since I already know the answer.

If I did get a CZ ring, I was thinking it would only be a temporary ring until we would decided on what we wanted as our rings together. But I would really like to suprise her with what she wants and something I could match (for myself).

So, apart from diamonds and sapphires, are there any other precious/semi-precious clear gems that would foot the bill? Are synthetic diamonds (http://www.chatham.com/diamond.htm) a possibility?

She would probably get really mad at me if I did spend two months salary on a ring... she'd rather have a house.

One thing I should mention, I have until the end of this week to accomplish this. She's out of town on a business trip and since we are *always* together, it would be nearly impossible for me to purchase her a ring in secret while she's here.

Originally posted by Mr.Zambezi
You will not be spending the rest of your life with her if you keep calling her a "girl." Your future wife is a woman

Either way, my friend. She's still a girl and will probably always be one in spirit (and likes to be called so), but she's also a woman, technically, since she's over 18. :)

[Skott]

Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried
A diamond is very solid and won't break. I have read in another thread (I'm too lazy to look it up) a post by someone saying how the ring in their stone shattered when it struck something. I imagine a cubic zirconium is even more fragile than a topaz or a ruby.

I read somewhere where a CZ had a hardness rating (or whatever the official term is :) ) of 8.3, which is pretty good, I think.

[cornflakes]

Dictated for Mrs. Cornflakes, the expert on all things formal and/or stylish:

"Plan an incredibly romantic evening to propose to her. Remember the whole night has to be about her. I'm sure she suggested some play or something else that she has always wanted to do to which you have always been reluctant; this is the time to do it.

"During the course of the evening, produce a ring box that is empty and ask her to marry you. Open the box, and tell her that because this ring is for her, that you wanted her to have the exact ring that she wants. Then you can go antiquing, all the stores and to gem shows and allow her to have her ring.

"It doesn't necessarily have to cost two months salary (it probably won't), but if the ring she wants costs that much, don't balk. Give her what she wants."

------------

Might I add that you don't want the one you love to start the rest of her life with a compromise. It's a disservice to you, as well as to her, and it sets the next five decades (more or less) off on the wrong foot. It doesn't sound like this is an issue, but I think it bears repeating.

[Gravity]

Let me tell you what I did. It was wedding rings, but it still counts :)

What you need to do is find out if there is a silversmith (or goldsmith, I suppose) in your area who designs his/her own rings. Then you talk to them and tell them what you want, they show you some designs, and you end up with an entirely ORIGINAL piece of art to declare your love with.
It could have a ruby or emerald, sapphire or amathyst. What's her favorite color? (I bet it's not clear :) )
Pick a stone matches her favorite color.

On top of that, you'll be supporting the work of a local artisan. Can't beat that!

-K.

[Minxsmom]

I seem to be in minority here, but I told my SO that under no circumstances would I accept a real diamond from him.

Why should he waste his money on a piece of jewelry? That money could be put to much better use.

I know a diamond is supposed to symbolize that your love will last forever, yadda yadda yadda. But, my first husband gave me a real diamond. It was a beautiful ring that was custom made for me. My ex was a jerk. The diamond paid for some bills after we divorced. So what was that diamond really a symbol of?

I don't think you can tell the difference between a good synthetic diamond and a real one. I'm sure a jeweler can, but I don't think that your friends and co-workers can - which is who "needS" to be impressed.

On that note - I really prefer other stones to diamonds any day. Sapphires, emeralds, and garnets are so much prettier, IMO. And, I don't think that there's anything wrong with an engagement ring with one of those stones instead of diamonds.

[Chronos]

Your engagement suggestions from MSN Gaming zone are all great, but I can still top them all. You know the collectible card game Magic: The Gathering? Well, the rarest card is called "Wedding in Paradise", with a print run of one. Richard Garfield, the inventor of the game, had it special-made, with the text "both players must immediately quit the game and get married". He rigged his deck, and played it in a game with his girlfriend, now wife.

Sorry about you getting puke all over your keyboard again :)

[zev_steinhardt]

My brother in law used this one on my sister. The fact that he is now my brother in law shows that it worked. It's also rather inexpensive.

He went out and bought some fortune cookies. He took the fortune out and replaced it with one of his own ("I love you, will you marry me?", or something of that ilk). He then took it to a chinese resturaunt and arranged to have it brought to the table as the dessert. The rest is history.

Zev Steinhardt

[surel]

Just a quick comment on the symbolism of diamonds... they are not forever, they are all slowly turning into graphite. They just last a really long time. Or as the saying goes "Diamonds are only metastable, graphite is a girl's best friend." (sorry, don't know the source, I just know I didn't invent it.) Diamonds are definitely overhyped, they're not even that pretty usually. Now emeralds and opals... :)
If you can find out which gems your girlfriend likes, that should help. What have you seen her wearing?
Although I wouldn't worry ~too~ much about the ring, afterall, if she really loves you and wants to marry you she'll say yes no matter how badly or well the proposal may go. :)

[Skott]

Originally posted by surel
If you can find out which gems your girlfriend likes, that should help. What have you seen her wearing?

Garnets are the only gemstones she's worn... and that's because I bought them for her. Her jewelry tends to be very simply and very... well, metallic. Her favorite bracelet is a bunch of small, linked steel plates with copper figures attached to each plate.

I'm sure that you're right... that she'll accept no matter how much of a mess I make of the production. I do want it to be special, though, and as close to perfect as I can make it.

[Manda JO]

As I said on the Debeers thread, remember that unless you plan on a REALLY long engagement, any debt you pick up will be her debt too. Now, I don't know how your relationship works, but my guess is that in this day and age she is not the type to wash her hands completly of all things finnacial and let you worry about it all; she may not like the ring so much if a year from now she is still writting the checks to VISA to pay it off. This is not really a gift from you to her--it is your first joint purchase.

A bit of advise--keep the receipt and make it clear to her that you will be 100% not offended if she dosen't love it and prefers that the two of you go together to pick something else out. If she is a great girl, she probably will feel obligated to act like she loves it even if she dosen't in order to spare your feelings. Make sure that a)this isn't true--be prepared to acknowledsge that rejection of the ring would not be rejection of you, and B) that she knows this.

[taddycat]

I am getting married next month to a wonderful man who agrees with me that DeBeers has too much money already. Consequently, I have an engagement ring with a garnet in it. It was made by Walker Metalsmiths http://www.celtarts.com/rings.htm and has a great Celtic knot pattern. I picked a garnet because I like the color and garnets symbolize fidelity.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

I wanted to chime in again about planning a nice place to do it, as some of the posters here have described. It's neat because it gives you a place to go back to, a place that is significant.

My husband could barely choke the words out (nervousness, plus he was close to tears, guess it was all that freedom he was kissing goodbye to) and didn't get down on one knee so the words and gesture weren't necessarily memorable--but he did it when we were touring this knockout amazing house and gardens (The Biltmore Mansion) and THAT was really memorable. We're looking forward to going back there someday as a special trip. Plus we got a christmas ornament of the place. My friends got engaged in a restaurant, which is now a really special place for them to go back to. Other friends got engaged near a bell tower, which they keep a framed print of. Blah blah blah, you get the idea

[lilah]

i always wanted the non-traditional engagement ring, either sapphires or emeralds with platinum.

that was until we went ring shopping. i tried on sooooooo many rings that day, and nothing captured my attention the way the diamonds did--according to nen at least.

they're just so sparkly and shiny and glowing.

i imagine that skott has already chosen a way to catch the heart of his beloved, but i had to tell my story because it's wonderful and i want to brag (i can't tell my friends anymore because they've heard it already and are sick of it).

about a week before the proposal, nen told me that he had a surprise for me. he would give me one hint each day. the first one ws carbon. next, he gave me the atomic weight of rhodium. i had to call 3 SMELTING PLANTS to find out what rhodium was used for (the plating on platinum rings, since it's a much stronger metal). next he had me tracking down the future uses for buckyballs, those strange carbon structures which will someday be used to make synthetic diamonds. this one took a few days.

after all of this, i wanted to think that the surprise was a diamond, but wouldn't dare--so i was stumped. i was afraid that if i guessed it, he would feel that anything else would be a disappointment. so i wouldn't let myself think it.

nen asked me to meet him at our favorite tree and said that he wanted to "talk about our relationship"--it was nerve-wracking because he seemed all unhappy and tense (an act, i later learned). i was half afraid he was going to dump me because i was moving 700 miles away.

then he got down on one knee and recited the most beautiful sonnet, and took the (shiny shiny shiny) ring out of his pocket....

....perfect

(i don't remember anything else because i was too busy crying)

[Tymp]

Oh, crap. Not that story again!

[Skott]

Okay, so based on all the input, here's what I'm thinking:

1. Design/buy the ring, without gemstones.
2. Go antiquing for a diamond ring.
3. Take the diamond out of the old ring and put it into a new one.
4. Auction off the antique, gemless ring.

What's you think?

As far as time and place, I got the time pretty much down: Our aniversary is coming up. The place, however, remains up in the air. There's just not a lot of "special" places in Santa Rosa.

[stolichnaya]

Note to Skott:

The atomic mass of Rhodium is 102.9055 amu.

[jamshid]

Try to take the long view, Skott: the execs at DeBeers have a special little niche carved out by the guys in red suits with the pitchforks already.

I bought my then-girlfriend (now wife, thank-you-very-much) a wonderful diamond--the trick is to find a jeweler you like who sells only unmounted stones. Gem professionals are much more likely to let you have your stone at a reasonable price--and they'll show you the differences in quality that you just can't see in a mounted stone. Get something within your budget--a diamond doesn't have to be top-grade to be beautiful. The one I got for my wife has a minor flaw in it, which my wife loves, because nothing should be as perfect as our love for each other (OK, that sounds awful to most guys, and looks awful as I write it, but--well, hell, my wife and I are soulmates, and it's true).

Anyway, my advice boils down to:
A) Buy a diamond. No matter how much you may hate DeBeers, and your girlfriend says it doesn't matter--it matters.
B) Buy the stone from a gem dealer, not a jeweler (try to find a dealer in the nearest large city). Get the dealer to recommend a setting type, then buy the ring with that setting type from a jeweler. Obviously, have the jeweler set it.

[Zyada]

Although it sounds like you decided on a diamond, I'm going to encourage you to get a colored stone.

When I got engaged, my engagement set was a large (2 carat) marquis sapphire, with 4 tiny baguette diamonds. The diamonds cost more than the rest of the set and frankly didn't add that much to the look. I got on the average of one compliment a month on how beautiful and unusual the ring was.

Also, don't think size is so important. Unless she's a gold-digger, she will value the ring much more because it symbolizes your engagement than because of how much she could sell it for.

P.S. Personal opinion on cubic zirconias: if the engagement ring symbolizes your relationship, do you really want it to be something artificial?

[Skott]

Hey, guess what? I finally proposed!! (Oh, and she said yes, BTW.) Thanks for all your help, suggestions, and ideas.

You can read the details here:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48770




P.S. Do I get the award for most self-referential posts yet? ;)

[Scarlett67]

I still razz Mr. Scarlett about this. He says the next time he asks someone to marry him, he'll do a better job.

How did he propose? Well, let's just say that he was on his knees. And I wasn't. Do the math.

<blush>

[newcrasher]

before my fiancee dumped my last month....

sniff...ahem

Her family lives in the Shenandoah Mountains and we were planning on going there for Christmas. We also have a favorite Bed and Breakfast about 80 miles from there and I had booked "our" room there for Christmas Eve. We would get to her folks early Christmas day.

This place has a great fireplace in our room and we have spent more than one night rolling around , declaring our love for each other in various "ways". Our ultimate goal was to purchase the Inn when the Innkeepers sell it in about 3 years and own and operate it ourselves.

Well after some champagne, but before the "rolling" got fully underway I was going to say the following:

"What are you going to do next Christmas?"
await puzzled response....
"What are you doing the Christmas after that?"
another puzzled look....
I rise to one knee....open the ringbox....
"What are you dong the next 50 Christmases? Spend them here with me...as my wife."

Alas it turns out she had a little infedelity thing that reared its ugly head. Thank God I found out now and not December 26!

[zev_steinhardt]

Originally posted by Skott
Hey, guess what? I finally proposed!! (Oh, and she said yes, BTW.) Thanks for all your help, suggestions, and ideas.

You can read the details here:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48770




P.S. Do I get the award for most self-referential posts yet? ;)


Congratulations!!

Best of luck to you and your bride :)

Zev Steinhardt

[DRY]

"You're WHAT????"

No wonder why I'll be single forever. :(

I think I'll pretend I wanted it that way:

BENEDICK: "That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor."

DON PEDRO: "I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love."

BENEDICK: "With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of blind Cupid."

DON PEDRO: "Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument."

BENEDICK: If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder, and called Adam."

--Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene i


Congratulations, Skott! I wish for you and your bride all the happiness I someday wish for myself. :)

::Trying to stifle my envy::