Several small rants about baseball fans

[JerH]

To: People sitting behind home plate, on their cell phones, waving
I see this at least a couple times every time I watch a game on TV: in the background, as someone is batting, there's someone in the stands behind the batter, cell phone at their ear, waving. I know they are saying "Oh my god, you can see me on your TV screen? Hi, Shelly! Hi!" You're sitting in the best seats in the stadium, seats that cost you (or someone) about $200 each, and you'd rather talk on the phone and wave at your friends than watch the game?

To: Everyone sitting in the first row, anywhere in the stadium
See that guy running toward you? He's a baseball player, and he's trying to catch a foul ball. Do not lean over the railing to try and catch it yourself - it only counts as an out if an official player gets it.

To: Everyone near where a foul ball is coming down
It's a baseball. Even the Official Major League Baseball versions can be bought at your local sports store for less than $10. Nobody is going to be impressed when you show it to them and say "This was a foul ball that backup second baseman Jeff Reboulet hit during the 7th inning of a game against the Brewers." Don't you think that elbowing four other people, including two little kids, out of the way to get it is a little excessive?

To: Hecklers
I'm not some fuddy-duddy who thinks all heckling is demeaning to the sport, but at least make it interesting. Shouting the right fielder's name over and over in a sing-song voice does not qualify.
Addendum: If you're trying to get your whole section to join the chant along with you and they don't, it isn't because they have no team spirit; it's that they think you're a annoying jerk and want you to go away.

To: Baseball announcers
Get some new catch phrases. Just because every other announcer in broadcast history has said "they've got no place to put him" when the bases are loaded and there are three balls on the batter doesn't mean you have to.

Thank you for your time.

[merrily]

Just wanted to say, hear, hear!

[Neurotik]

[Shouting the right fielder's name over and over in a sing-song voice does not qualify.
I disagree. This never gets old.

[BobLibDem]

1) With runners on first and third, sometimes the pitcher will fake a pickoff at third and then wheel around and fake a throw to first. This is useless, but not a balk. Do not screech "BALK" when you see it.

2) If you don't know the player's name, don't heckle him. "You suck, number seventeen" makes you sound like a rookie.

[Petey]

1) With runners on first and third, sometimes the pitcher will fake a pickoff at third and then wheel around and fake a throw to first. This is useless, but not a balk. Do not screech "BALK" when you see it.


What I say is "That never works.", then inevitably the runner will be picked off.

[Suburban_Rythm]

My favorite at any sports event is just the well placed "YOU SUCK!" at a quiet time in the action when the crowd isn't roaring and the players might have a chance to hear you. Not anyone in particular, but just the other team in general.

Might be a bit junvenile, but hey, cut me some slack.

[hajario]

To: People sitting behind home plate, on their cell phones, waving


For some reason that irritates the shit out of me. What a bunch of fucking goobers. The dude who cuts my hair and I are both big Dodger fans. The last time I was in his salon he told me that he had behind the plate tickets for the game the next Saturday. I told him that I would be watching the game and if he did the lame cell phone and wave thing that a fourteen year business relationship would be over.

Haj

[mhendo]

To people in the front row: if the ball is called fair, keep your fucking grubby hands away from it and let it roll. If you pick it up, you interfere with the game, you might cost your own team a base or even a run, and you'll probably be tossed out of the stadium. The baseball is worth a couple of bucks, so don't interrupt the game to try and grab it.

Also, gotta agree with the OP about fighting and wrestling over baseballs that come into the stands. I was watching a game the other day and two grown men were playing tug-o-war with a ball, knocking people out of the way and generally making asses of themselves.

I remember reading somewhere that the average baseball in a major league game lasts about 6-7 pitches before ending up in the hands of a fan. So, even by a very conservative estimate, this means that 30 balls per game go to the fans. With over 2,000 games in the regular season alone, that's a lot of balls. Having one does not make you special.

Another peeve: if you're sitting 80 yards away from home plate, and perpendicular to the line of the pitch, you cannot tell whether the ball was over the outside corner, or whether it just missed the plate. So don't sit there for the whole game yelling at the umpire about the bad call he made, becuase you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. And it's even worse when you're so obviously partisan. No, every pitch the home team throws is not a strike, and every pitch the visiting team throws is not a ball, no matter how much you might wish it were so.

[lurkernomore]

To: People sitting behind home plate, on their cell phones, wavingTo: Everyone sitting in the first row, anywhere in the stadium
See that guy running toward you? He's a baseball player, and he's trying to catch a foul ball. Do not lean over the railing to try and catch it yourself - it only counts as an out if an official player gets it.


Actually, not true. If you (the fan) lean over the railing into the field of play, the ump can call fan interference. The batter can be called out without the player ever touching the ball.

Now, if it is in the stands, the player can reach in, but he has no right to the ball. A fan can catch it, no interefence is called.

[Ass For A Hat]

When a player from the visiting team hits a home run, don't mercilessly badger the fan that caught the ball into throwing back onto the playing field. This isn't the show of fan-home team unity you think it is. It doesn't affect the visiting team at all. You're just shaming a lucky fan into forgoing a souvenir.

*The preceding does not apply at Wrigley Field, where bleacher bums are free to do whatever they want, whenever they feel like it.

[Troy McClure SF]

To: Everyone near where a foul ball is coming down

Well, I don't so much agree with this one. I mean, someone's got to end up with the ball, and I rarely see any kind of foul play (wow, I didn't even mean to do that) by people wanting the ball. A year ago, some guy fell over a kid and accidentally kicked his mother in the face going after a ball and it was all over the Internet.

As for the rest of the OP, hear hear. And even if it wouldn't technically be interference, stay away from the fucking fair ball, especially if you're about to screw over your own team by doing so! It did give me a glimmer of hope when, sitting in the front row next to the Giants bullpen, a fair ball rolled down to us, there were just as many people yelling, "Don't touch it!" then goobers reaching for it.

I think the cell phone wavers should be hanged from the light standards, if only because it's so fucking distracting when you're trying to watch the game on TV.

[JerH]

Well, I don't so much agree with this one. I mean, someone's got to end up with the ball, and I rarely see any kind of foul play (wow, I didn't even mean to do that) by people wanting the ball. A year ago, some guy fell over a kid and accidentally kicked his mother in the face going after a ball and it was all over the Internet.

Was that the incident where pretty much the whole stadium started chanting "Give the kid the ball"? That's exactly the type of fan I'm talking about.

Reaching out to try and catch the ball, I've got not problem with. It's the aggressive jerks who, in crowded sections, are diving over rows or smacking other people aside to try and get it. Particularly when there are little kids around them.

[asterion]

To: Hecklers
I'm not some fuddy-duddy who thinks all heckling is demeaning to the sport, but at least make it interesting. Shouting the right fielder's name over and over in a sing-song voice does not qualify.


Daaarrrrylllll. Daaaarrrrryyyyyylllllllllll. Daaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyyyyylllllllll.

[Troy McClure SF]

Was that the incident where pretty much the whole stadium started chanting "Give the kid the ball"? That's exactly the type of fan I'm talking about.

Probably. There were two pretty good threads here on it. And the was video online.

[Suburban_Rythm]

Daaarrrrylllll. Daaaarrrrryyyyyylllllllllll. Daaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyyyyylllllllll.

*tear*

[ElvisL1ves]

Bah. Totally derivative of an earlier generation's "Reee-gggieeee ...."

Leave the fucking beach balls at home, too. They're all fun and games until they put somebody's eye out - or, worse, stop the game when they escape onto the field.

The Wave is right out. Don't even think about trying to start one, unless you want people around you to say "Hey, look at the idiot - either he's trying to air out his armpits or he's trying to start a Wave. Siddown and let us watch, willya, dammit?" I would add a comment about the opposite sides of the stands yelling "Tastes great!" "Less filling!", but you've all apparently heard and understood that message already.

Organists: The "Charge" bugle call does not, NOT help inspire the home team to rally. Not distracting the batter helps a lot more, and so does even not insulting the fans who are trying to appreciate the moment. Cut that shit out, NOW.

[Trunk]

The WAVE is PLAYED.

They always try to get it going at Camden Yards. It NEVER gets going. 10 people standing up in a section that seats hundreds just looks moronic.

However, yelling the right fielder's name is a time-honored tradition. It should be done with a degree of gusto no less than you'd use to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." We were fortunate enough to have Bradley Bonte Hawpe in right field at the Yards last Friday night.

[Ass For A Hat]

Leave the fucking beach balls at home, too.
Gak. I can't believe I forgot about that one. In addition to the reasons you mentioned, there's also the usher(s) who have to try to grab up the beachball. It ends up being a game of keep away between the fans and the ushers. The ushers get to look stupid for a half inning or more, and for their trouble they get booed when they finally manage to to wrest the ball from the idiot fans.

[JerH]

*The preceding does not apply at Wrigley Field, where bleacher bums are free to do whatever they want, whenever they feel like it.
Maybe every stadium should have a "Designated Asshole Section", where you can get drunk, punch each other for foul balls, and taunt the opposing team's presumed parentage and sexual history without bothering fans who are actually watching the game.

One more gripe, that I'm directing in particular at Phillies fans: Don't boo the batboys and ballboys and girls. That's just classless.

[Jurph]

Gak. I can't believe I forgot about that one. In addition to the reasons you mentioned, there's also the usher(s) who have to try to grab up the beachball. It ends up being a game of keep away between the fans and the ushers. The ushers get to look stupid for a half inning or more, and for their trouble they get booed when they finally manage to to wrest the ball from the idiot fans.

Skeet shotguns would fix this problem much more elegantly.

*bounce*

...

*bounce*

...

*bounce*

...

*bounce*
"PULL!"
BLAM!


*crickets*

[Fear the Turtle]

Actually, not true. If you (the fan) lean over the railing into the field of play, the ump can call fan interference. The batter can be called out without the player ever touching the ball.

Tell that to Richie Garcia!

[Frank]

Bah. Totally derivative of an earlier generation's "Reee-gggieeee ...."
I only ever heard that as a cheer. Now the throwing small change at him, that was some unique heckling.

[Wartime Consigliori]

Maybe every stadium should have a "Designated Asshole Section"

I concur! This is the best idea I have ever heard on these boards. We can start with baseball, expand to other sports, and eventually into all public venues.

Congress needs to stop dicking around with small-potatoes crap and take the initiative on this idea, something that would be of true service to their constituents.

[ElvisL1ves]

I only ever heard that as a cheer.You must not have spent much time in the Fenway bleachers (which used to be, in effect, that park's Designated Asshole Section, back when the average college boy could afford it).

Now the throwing small change at him, that was some unique heckling.And so was yelling "Just say No!" at Jose Canseco. He'd habitually respond by flexing a bicep.

[lurkernomore]

Tell that to Richie Garcia!

I could tell him, but you know you can't tell him much.

[What Exit?]

The WAVE is PLAYED.

They always try to get it going at Camden Yards. It NEVER gets going. 10 people standing up in a section that seats hundreds just looks moronic.

However, yelling the right fielder's name is a time-honored tradition. It should be done with a degree of gusto no less than you'd use to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." We were fortunate enough to have Bradley Bonte Hawpe in right field at the Yards last Friday night.

I've always been angered by the attempts at Yankee stadium. It just doesn't belong in the North East. I feel its a feeble west coast thing like the stoopid Rally monkey crap.

I hate the people it late inning rally situations who go:
"If you sit down, we all could see".
It should be legal to give them atomic wedgies.

I also hate any idiot that runs onto the field. The only saving grace here is at least in both NY stadiums & Philly, they are going to spend a horrible night in an inner city holding cell.

[Weirddave]

Tell that to Richie Garcia!
Great reference!


To: Everyone near where a foul ball is coming down
It's a baseball. Even the Official Major League Baseball versions can be bought at your local sports store for less than $10. Nobody is going to be impressed when you show it to them and say "This was a foul ball that backup second baseman Jeff Reboulet hit during the 7th inning of a game against the Brewers." Don't you think that elbowing four other people, including two little kids, out of the way to get it is a little excessive?

While I totally agree with you on the roughing up of other fans for a freakin' baseball, I have to say that I caught a foul ball clean one time at a game (B.J. Surhoff hit it foul into the 3rd base stands during the 6th inning of a game verses the Red Sox- :p) and it was actually pretty damn cool. I always thought if Rex Barney hadn't died earlier that year, I might have gotten a contract. It was a pretty good catch.

[lurkernomore]

I concur! This is the best idea I have ever heard on these boards. We can start with baseball, expand to other sports, and eventually into all public venues.

Congress needs to stop dicking around with small-potatoes crap and take the initiative on this idea, something that would be of true service to their constituents.

The Capitol IS a Designated Asshole section....


I see that car commercial saying it is on the crookedest street in America, and I always thought that was in Washington...


..and as for Philly fans booing the ballboy, they booed Mike Schmidt, they booed Santa Claus, and they even had to put the jail IN the Vet. They make the Yankee fans look like High Tea. They deserve the team with the worst championship record in baseball (among non-expansion teams. Several expansions teams, though not all, have won more too - Mets, Blue Jays, Twins, etc.) Yes, even the Cubs have won more.

[Fear the Turtle]

Great reference!




While I totally agree with you on the roughing up of other fans for a freakin' baseball, I have to say that I caught a foul ball clean one time at a game (B.J. Surhoff hit it foul into the 3rd base stands during the 6th inning of a game verses the Red Sox- :p) and it was actually pretty damn cool. I always thought if Rex Barney hadn't died earlier that year, I might have gotten a contract. It was a pretty good catch.

I miss Rex. We were at a game once when some unfortunate fan got beaned by a foul ball (nothing serious). My friend, without missing a beat, yelled "Give that fan a compress" (we were no where near the injured party). For some reason I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard.

Now when I go to a game a look around for some young fan to give the ball to if I should happen to catch one. Hopefully a child with a hot, single mom (hey, I'm not that altruistic :D )

For some strange reason, when I go to an Angles game now and yell "O's" during the national anthem, I get strange looks.

[hajario]

I've always been angered by the attempts at Yankee stadium. It just doesn't belong in the North East. I feel its a feeble west coast thing like the stoopid Rally monkey crap.

The wave actually started in the South East as I recall. It was one of the Florida Universities. No matter where it started, I hate it and always have. That's some stupid fucking shit.

Haj

[Troy McClure SF]

I've always been angered by the attempts at Yankee stadium. It just doesn't belong in the North East. I feel its a feeble west coast thing like the stoopid Rally monkey crap.

HEY! Anaheim is not the West Coast. I think I've seen the wave once in San Francisco. If I want to pay for a baseball ticket and not pay attention to the game, I can just BART over to Oakland with a duffel bag of beach balls and airhorns.

I hate the people it late inning rally situations who go:
"If you sit down, we all could see".
It should be legal to give them atomic wedgies.

I remember one game I wa at... bottom ninth, tying run on first. Bonds was on-deck, I think. I, being someone who has seen a baseball game before, was standing, and someone yelled "down in front!" I'm very non-confrontational, but I could not prevent my face from contorting into a comically exaggerated WTF look as I turned around.

[Morbo]

they booed Mike Schmidt

On the day Mike Schmidt got his 3,000th hit, they stopped the game to honor him. He later hit into a double-play, and got booed. Classy.

For the OP, here's a new one that I've heard at Giants and A's games and I really, REALLY hope doesn't catch on:

When an opposing pitcher is warming up, the fans near the bullpen will pretend to be a slide whistle: when pitched: "boooooooo-IPP!" when thrown back to the pitcher: "beeeeeeeeee-OOP!!" It's not funny, it's not cute, and it makes the entire section look like a bunch of losers.

[Ghanima]

I could really do without the super loud obnoxious foul-mouthed fans too. One time I went to a game and we found these great seats in a section that was oddly clear. After two minutes we realized that it was clear because no one wanted to sit near the complete asshole with a voice that could punch out your eardrums that wouldn't shut up and was cussing the entire time. NICE. Even his friends were embarrased. One of them kind of shrugged an apology as we were leaving to find new seats.

[LindyHopper]

someone yelled "down in front!"My preferred response is to turn around and yell "Up in back!"

[Casey1505]

Maybe every stadium should have a "Designated Asshole Section", where you can get drunk, punch each other for foul balls, and taunt the opposing team's presumed parentage and sexual history without bothering fans who are actually watching the game.
Right field bleachers, Yankee Stadium?

I kid, sort of. I had tickets there twice. Both times, while the inhabitants were obnoxious, that's NYC for you. Besides, the Yankees were walking the walk at that time. It was fun hearing them get the chant going "Paul O'--Neill!....Ber--nie Williams!....Ti----No!" until said player acknowledged them.

I have been in other sections from where I' had seen people arrested (removed, anyway) for starting drunken fights. Two more words about the right field bleachers... Jeffrey Maier (http://espn.go.com/page2/s/list/readers/worstcalls.html).

[Jackmannii]

To: People sitting behind home plate, on their cell phones, waving
I see this at least a couple times every time I watch a game on TV: in the background, as someone is batting, there's someone in the stands behind the batter, cell phone at their ear, waving. I know they are saying "Oh my god, you can see me on your TV screen? Hi, Shelly! Hi!" You're sitting in the best seats in the stadium, seats that cost you (or someone) about $200 each, and you'd rather talk on the phone and wave at your friends than watch the game?For lots of people, the whole point is to be able to say you had really great seats. It's a status thing.

A few years back at a game I attended at Fenway there was a group of computer geeks sitting right behind the Sox dogout. They spent virtually the entire time (I think they left about the 6th inning) taking snapshots of each other, talking incessantly on their cellphones and consuming snacks. They took in maybe 1/10 of the action on the field.

[GorillaMan]

I know nothing at all about baseball, but this thread certainly makes me think I won't bother going to a match, should I ever get the chance. You're making it sound more like a church than a sport. And this is from somebody who follows a team known for their relatively-sedate fans.

[RickJay]

On the day Mike Schmidt got his 3,000th hit, they stopped the game to honor him. He later hit into a double-play, and got booed. Classy.
Mike Schmidt finished his career with 2,234 hits.

[Scruloose]

To: Everyone near where a foul ball is coming down
It's a baseball. Even the Official Major League Baseball versions can be bought at your local sports store for less than $10. Nobody is going to be impressed when you show it to them and say "This was a foul ball that backup second baseman Jeff Reboulet hit during the 7th inning of a game against the Brewers." Don't you think that elbowing four other people, including two little kids, out of the way to get it is a little excessive?

Heh. Bud Light really nailed it with this gem: http://www.budlight.com/index.html?section=3 (Age entry required)

[Morbo]

Mike Schmidt finished his career with 2,234 hits.

Whatever. Then it was "Mike Schmidt Day" or his last home game.

That reminds me, I'm thinking of another type of annoying baseball fan...

[JimSox5]

Whatever. Then it was "Mike Schmidt Day" or his last home game.

That reminds me, I'm thinking of another type of annoying baseball fan...
Yeah, those real fans that follow the game and really know the game really ruin for the rest of us. :rolleyes:

[Frank]

That reminds me, I'm thinking of another type of annoying baseball fan...
Plus, Mike Schmidt only grounded into 156 double plays in 2404 career games, or about one every 15 games.


:D

[Morbo]

Yeah, those real fans that follow the game and really know the game really ruin for the rest of us. :rolleyes:

Yeah. I'm not a real fan, I don't follow the game, and I don't really know the game because I didn't know the exact number of total career hits for some guy that played for a team I don't care about in front of a bunch of jerk fans. Flawless logical conclusion.

[Frank]

You must not have spent much time in the Fenway bleachers (which used to be, in effect, that park's Designated Asshole Section, back when the average college boy could afford it).
No, you're right. Good point.

[Ass For A Hat]

...because I didn't know the exact number of total career hits for some guy that played for a team I don't care about in front of a bunch of jerk fans.
And baseball's rich oral history continues.

[Rufus Xavier]

Yeah. I'm not a real fan, I don't follow the game, and I don't really know the game because I didn't know the exact number of total career hits for some guy that played for a team I don't care about in front of a bunch of jerk fans. Flawless logical conclusion.

The details of your story, though, are necessary for your portrayal of those fans as jerks. Unfortunately, the details you provided have no factual basis and therefore make the point of your story moot.

Hey, it's a good story, and plausible, I suppose, but I doubt you could dig up a reliable cite.

[What Exit?]

Try Googling - booing Mike Schmidt - you'll get 814 hits mostly from native Philly bloggers confirming the fact they booed him.

I've been to Phillies games where they booed Rolen for no reason I could fathom.
Philly fans are acknowledged even by Baseball players as being the toughest on their own players. When this comes up they usually cite Philly #1, NY & boston as 2-3-4. This order varies.

[Rufus Xavier]

Plus, Mike Schmidt only grounded into 156 double plays in 2404 career games, or about one every 15 games.


:D

Plus, he did not ground into a double play in his last home game, which was May 17, 1989. The last home game in which he hit into a double play was April 30 of that year.

By the way, he announced his retirement on May 29, 1989, the day after the last game of a six-game road trip.

:D :D

[Trunk]

Here's another thing that drives me nuts: piping in music and sound effect to fill every void in the action.

Guy's walking to the plate. I guess people will get bored and leave because they're cranking up the AC/DC.

Men on first and second. Better start playing some steady rhythm to get people clapping.

Between innings too long for you? Don't worry. We have "Guess the Year", "Kiss Your Sweetie", "Hat Races", "Ball Races", "Find the Ball", "Bat Races", "Bob your Head", "Fan of the Game", "Hot Dog Gun".

Holy crap. Can I enjoy my six dollar beer without Barney the Fucking dinosaur over the P.A. system?