Screen name advice for lurkers!

[Aeschines]

I can feel your presence, lurkers! You are thinking of joining but first need a screen name. I invite other Dopers to join me in offering cautionary and suggestionary advice (but remember that any names you suggest are free to be used by any lurker. The early bird gets the worm!).

Point the first: Make sure your screen name doesn't suck. The following names could ruin your posting experience at SDMB for a variety of self-evident reasons:

Cautionary Names

Che Forchever

Drunk Freemason

Bush/Cheney '08

Vulva Con Carne


Wow--don't go there! On the other hand, the following excellent screen names are very likely to facilitate a rewarding and pleasurable posting lifestyle:

Suggestionary Names

Romulus Augustulus

Swiss Hard

Ben Jonson

Ursine Sister

10 Loft

Nutriceutical


You get the idea! Pick one of these names, stop lurking, and get with the pic!

Dopers, it's your turn: Cautionary and suggestionary names, please.

[VegemiteMoose]

Cautionary Names

The Royal Wee

Dick Canopy

Cite for Sore Ayes

Mouthy McFrothalot

Irregardless I Could Care Less

The Penis Mightier Than the Sword

ROTFLMAO LOL cul8r

Hmmm, can't really think of any suggestionary ones at the moment. Except of course Aeschines, but I understand some doorknob already took that one.

[Hung Mung]

Cautionary

I Hate Douglas Adams
Future Trophy Wife of Bush
ArseFucker and/or Horsecunt
Liberals Hate America
Once. In the 1960's. For 20 Minutes.
1920's St-...mm...nevermind.
Cookies are for Queers.

Suggested

Generic Discordia/Illuminatus/Hitchhiker/Hobbit/Dune/Other "Cult Classic" Sci-Fi Name
I FUCKING LOVE CATS and/or DOGS
Desperate, Single, Looking

[Shagnasty]

Cautionary

1) Channelin' Jesus

2) Here to Teach

3) Smear the Queer

4) Hookup Lookup

[wolfstu]

Cautionary

Vote CCRAP!

Ex-Gay Televangelist

ViAg4MAN@megadealz.tk

Arnold Wrinkleweed

rm -v bin.lib

Belligerent Bridgedweller

You_Are_Educated_Stupid

Three Men and a Maybe




Suggstulary

Robotic Floor Vac

l'Hôpital Rules!

Messier Object 35

The Politics of Dancing

That Nosy Neigbor Lady

Conservative Joulery

Eurocratic Cabbagelets

The Naked Ape

The Right Honourable Charlie

The Lights of Zetar

Zonderpants

[Jackmannii]

Suggested:

The Big If

Spoiler


Cautionary:

Snappy Ringtone

Groin

Stray Cats Must Die

Restriction Fragment Length Polymorphism

Bushco

I'm Having Your Baby

Foreskin Preservationist

[The Scrivener]

Nitpick: it's nutraceutical. Just sayin'.


Avoid any really long names, anything sexually explicit, violent, or just viscerally disgusting, and anything alphanumeric (unless it's well-known, like "THX1138"). And please avoid the awkwardly juvenile or babytalk-ish. If it's something your four-year-old could come up with, it's probably in that category.

And be mindful of the sorts of categorical assumptions your name may encourage re. gender (especially), but also race, class, educational level, age and emotional maturity (or the lack of it), etc. In my case, people often assume I'm male, even though I dropped the "Bartleby" bit and often refer to myself as being female. I think the regular posters basically know that now, but newbies will often get it wrong, and I usually don't bother to issue a correction.

By way of example, there used to be a poster named "Vinnie Virginslayer". Even though I genuinely liked the guy's posts for the most part and shared his interest in football in particular (though not the Steelers), I also had to struggle to ignore the disturbing implications of his nom-de-keyboard, as you can imagine.

[Ruby]

Suggestionary:

I don't know if Admin would approve it, but I've always been fond of

Throbbing


Wouldn't it look cool to see

Throbbing
Member

in the upper left? It's right up there with Heaving Bosoms.

[Hung Mung]

In that vein, I would suggest:
Magna
Charter Member

[Ashes, Ashes]

I like that playing on the description idea!

Not that you should do it or anything, but you could sign up as Heavy Metal, behave boorishly, and then you could be:

Heavy Metal
BANNED