For those with high numbers, how do you find so many willing sex partners?

[Shagnasty]

Inspired by the lying about the number of partners thread. Some people are listing numbers from 30 on into the hundreds. How does that work especially for the guys? What do you do that makes picking up a sex partner as easy as picking up the mail? I am far from naive but I have never seen people pick up huge numbers of acceptable partners with that type of ease.

Is there a secret word that you use. Do you just have to hit on everyone in site all the time to make the percentages work in your favor? Are there special hangouts?

P.S. I am married and not looking for tips. Just curious from an academic standpoint.

[TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW]

I'd imagine that being indiscriminate helps - being just as willing to take the fat friend home or the semi-random drunk chick you start making out with at last call, etc.

[belladonna]

Is there a secret word that you use?

Tequila. The secret word is tequila.


Just kidding, but if you don't mind me piggybacking another question into your thread, I'm curious what number people generally consider "high". I read that same thread where some people seemed---not really ashamed---but maybe hesitant about numbers quite a bit lower than my own. I know this is likely one of those things where everyone has their own comfort level, but it got me curious. At what point does someone go from active, to overactive?

[AskNott]

From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is "always trolling." They flirt shamelessly with every woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite. To continue the fishing analogy, they know they won't catch all the fish in the lake, but they won't catch anything if they don't keep throwing that lure.

Yes, widening the definition of "acceptable" is a big part. These guys are willing to bed women who are stupid, belligerent, too drunk to respond, and yes, physically not-so-beautiful. Let's face it, though, some beautiful women are stupid or belligerent. (I'm not talking 'bout you, darlin'...)

It's not such a glamorous life when you know the details.

[Bearflag70]

One of my former roommates used to boast about his exploits with the ladies. I wondered how it was possible, with a mental image of supermodels using the revolving door into his bedroom.

Then, I met one of his "companions" one day. :eek:

It explained a lot.

[astro]

Re the real players I have known, you have to be willing to work a large number of women until the law of averages favors you . Assuming you're not physically hideous or a manner less troll, it's very much a numbers game and for better or worse it's a lot easier to score with women if you're "in the mix" and they see other women responding to your efforts. You also need to be able to comfortably talk to women and flirt with them. Lots of men can't do this.

It's like being a Pro Bass Fisherman. It's a lot of planning as to where the fish are, choice of appropriate baits, lots of casts, and being able to work your rod enticingly.

[roger thornhill]

It's a lot of planning as to where the fish are, choice of appropriate baits, lots of casts, and being able to work your rod enticingly.Really, astro - rod, meat machine. You're one sex-crazed dude.

[dearissues]

As a woman with a fairly high number, um, being a woman helps... because guys are almost always horny. That aside, so does being indiscriminate, as previously mentioned. But, so does not trying. If I think a guy is trying only to get in my pants, it's not happening. Do not try to buy me drinks until I'm trashed. Do not ask me if I'd like to go somewhere private and "talk" (or be more blunt and say, "ditch this joint and go do the nasty"). Do not bet with your friends that you will have me by the end of the night; because I'm not an idiot. If I'm talking to you, I'm watching what you're doing. However, if I think it's just a spur of the moment mutual attraction, damn I can't help myself type thing... well, I can't help myself.

[roger thornhill]

But, so does not trying. If I think a guy is trying only to get in my pants, it's not happening. Do not try to buy me drinks until I'm trashed. Do not ask me if I'd like to go somewhere private and "talk" (or be more blunt and say, "ditch this joint and go do the nasty"). Do not bet with your friends that you will have me by the end of the night; because I'm not an idiot. If I'm talking to you, I'm watching what you're doing. However, if I think it's just a spur of the moment mutual attraction, damn I can't help myself type thing... well, I can't help myself.So, um, nonissue, sorry, yeah, dearissues, if I were a gambling man - and I'm not ... gave up years ago - I'd say you were the kind of person who small talk is wasted on. I like that in a woman - hell, I even like it in a man. I'm not thirsty myself, so about we make this our last drink and go somewhere noisy. Say, the police station. I'm not much of a talker myself, but we could just hang out....

[matt_mcl]

It helps that I've got fairly broad tastes, though I don't think of myself as indiscriminate (I can always tell them apart).

Beyond that, when I was in my major slut phase (circa age 19), the Internet was key. Gay chat rooms are like pizza delivery; you can have them come right to your door. (It probably also helped to be 19 and have a taste for older guys.)

[Kalhoun]

From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is "always trolling." They flirt shamelessly with every woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite. To continue the fishing analogy, they know they won't catch all the fish in the lake, but they won't catch anything if they don't keep throwing that lure.

Yes, widening the definition of "acceptable" is a big part. These guys are willing to bed women who are stupid, belligerent, too drunk to respond, and yes, physically not-so-beautiful. Let's face it, though, some beautiful women are stupid or belligerent. (I'm not talking 'bout you, darlin'...)

It's not such a glamorous life when you know the details.
I dunno...my ex probably would have fucked a snake if he HAD to...he was charming, a bad boy and very good looking, and he made it with very attractive women. I know, because I caught him in the act a couple times. Looks and charm are 90% of the game.

[Green Bean]

Looks and charm are 90% of the game.I'd agree with this.

My numbers aren't "high," but they might be a lot higher if I hadn't met my husband when I was only 24, and a hell of a lot higher if I had felt guilty about sleeping around too much. I was never the hottest chick in the room, but I was (and am, I hope) attractive. Attractive enough not to be the girl that you settle for because the good ones have rejected you. Naturally, the guys that I consented to smooch* were usually on the good-looking and charming side of the spectrum.**

* You don't get to bed without the smooching first.
** There are some major notable exceptions to this, so if you happen to know me IRL and know of some of the toads I've dated--stop laughing!

[Hal Briston]

Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80's/early 90's, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage.

[Malacandra]

Methinks the OP's screen name is a large part of the strategy of success (not that I'd know).

[GrizzRich]

I do think 'indiscriminate' is one of the keys... to the guys anyway.

I remarked to a friend about his latest 'conquest' after I got a chance to talk to her... "Hey man, she's a BITCH!"

His response?

"Hey... I'm fuckling her, not dating her."

[NurseCarmen]

I've been married for ten years, but I did earn the nickname Matress Back. And in honest hindsight, I'd say at least 80% were very attractive.

My biggest asset was confidence. I didn't really do the trolling thing. I fell in love easily and would honestly persue the objects of my affection. In about 95% of those cases, I at least had a couple dates. Once you can get a date, then charm needs to be factored in, and charm is easy if your confident.

I had a couple one night stands, but those blew me away, I wasn't expecting them.

[Kalhoun]

I do think 'indiscriminate' is one of the keys... to the guys anyway.

I remarked to a friend about his latest 'conquest' after I got a chance to talk to her... "Hey man, she's a BITCH!"

His response?

"Hey... I'm fuckling her, not dating her."
I'm sure she doesn't care if she's being fuckled or datled.

[Loopydude]

From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is "always trolling." They flirt shamelessly with every woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite.


This is pretty much the key (that I don't have): Lack of fear of rejection, and endless drive. This allows one to A) be totally confident, and B) persist even in the face of defeating odds. The former greatly enhances attraciveness, the latter is simply obviously necessary. I don't think even a huge lowering of standards is required. I see these guys nailing women waaay out of any league they should dare to be in ("Hey, I'm short, I'm ugly, I'm poor, and I get laid!" is, quite literally, something I've heard said by an aquaintance), but they've got that simple formula perfected, and it just works.

[Malacandra]

Incidentally, not that I'm bitter or jealous or have insecurity issues or anything, but how about a lifetime score of eight, the most attractive of which was once moose-hunted (before I met her)?

[biscuitsandgravy]

To echo someone above, I'm poor, I'm fat, I'm closer to ugly than handsome - but I've seldom had too much problem finding girls interested in a little play time with me. In part it is the willingness to get up after a rejection and try again. In part it is a matter of hanging out with friends who share a casual approach to sexual hookups among friends. In part it has a little to do with the fact that I often find myself very sexually attracted to girls that are sometimes ignored in bars (give me an intelligent-looking chubby gal in glasses over your average blonde co-ed any day - tattoos and a good grin a major plus!), and I don't sleeze on them. In part it has to do with having a good sense of humor. In part it has to do with hanging out in the punk scene, where my looks sometimes take a back seat to having fun. Plus, I have a small reputation as being a good time - that helps.

Oh, and no pickup lines, ever.

[Askia]

Eat lightly.

Stretch.

Arrest your ego.

Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend.

[Dung Beetle]

Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80's/early 90's, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage.
*head whips around in Hal Briston's direction*

Whoa, sorry about that. Damn reflexes!

[Draelin]

Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend.
Sadly, most men don't realize that the wingman often gets it better than the lead. :)

[Rushgeekgirl]

I was a teen girl that was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was determined to have every male within reach "like" me and I'd do whatever necessary to achieve this goal.

Finding guys was easy enough with school, but Overton Square was known for letting teen girls into their bars. Millington Naval base was open back then, so I had sailors buying me drinks me every weekend and telling me they loved me.
Like I said in the other thread, I was a silly girl.

[Dunderman]

From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is "always trolling." They flirt shamelessly with every woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite. To continue the fishing analogy, they know they won't catch all the fish in the lake, but they won't catch anything if they don't keep throwing that lure.
This is why I'll never ever have a high number. It just seems so totally pathetic to me. These guys hitting on everything that moves - I just shake my head and thank the Maker that I'm not one of them. I don't think I can put into words how deeply silly, on a visceral level, I consider their behaviour.

I've heard girlfriends talk about attempted come-ons for a decade now, and every time I ask myself if that stuff ever works. I look at spam kind of the same way. What kind of airhead falls for this stuff? But, apparently, people do. And women fall for those guys too.

Oh, and Malacandra? Two. Both attractive, though.

[bordelond]

Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend.
Yep ... Filipinas are hot, hot, hot!

:D

[plnnr]

I've had the opportunity to participate in several group scenes, and there's nothing that will numbers quite like a good, old fashioned orgy. It has the extra added bonus of eliminating the question of whether or not anyone is interested in sex - everyones there for only one thing.

[CynicalGabe]

*sigh* (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php)

[msmith537]

Not having a wife or girlfriend for 10 years would certainly help jack those numbers up.

Even so, if you conservatively become sexually active at age 18, get laid by about 5 different women a year, that's like 50 women by the time you are 28. And 5 a year doesn't sound like all that much if you're the type of guy who goes out like all the time.

Much of it is the environment you hang out in. If you are a single straight man with a job in NYC, your odds are a lot better than if you were living in Hartford, CT. If you have a summer shore house where there's a big post-college party scene, your opportunities increase. Living in a fraternity doesn't hurt.

Also, a lot of guys lie or exagerate. A friend of mine was trying to claim that he slept with 50 women. His buddy and I are like "you've dated three girls for like 5 years each. Between the two of us, one of us has been out with you nearly every weekend we go out drinking. When did you have time to find those other 37 women?"

Also, one of my favorite lines from Road Trip:
"Dude..it's totally NOT cool to make out with a girl and then say you slept with her!"

Bottom line. If you just want to ring up your stats, just go out drinking every thurs, fri, sat night (or any time you can) and just strike up a conversation with every girl you see. Don't spend more than 5-10 minutes at a time with any one girl and keep at it until you get a) a number b) her to make out with you c) a blowjob in the bathroom or d) her to ask you to come home with her.

[AHunter3]

numbers from 30 on into the hundreds

Well, let's see.... I'm politically-sexually weird in ways that put a rather formidable wall between me and a great deal of random sexual experience. (Detail: I'm male and I simply do not initiate things, and by "initiate" I mean doing anything that moves any situation from "not explicitly indisputably sexual to over that line"). And I'm ponderously serious, the kind of intellectual dweeb that you would most effectively flirt with by starting a conversation about whether MacKinnon or Chesler had the better take on how sexual objectification functions in a context already defined by male domination. And I got devirginated at a relatively ripe old age (21). And I've been in relationships a decent portion of the time since, and although not monogamous or exclusivist that has tended to suppress my tendency to have sex with other people. And a significant portion of the population that I tend to find sufficiently attractive to bed (I'm wired as hetero) tends to find me leaving a funny & off-putting impression (this guy doesn't respond right), figures that I don't do females (must be gay), or doesn't even register me on their sexual radar at all (male but irrelevant).

And yet even I am over halfway to the threshold of what you term "high numbers".

Honestly, I'd expect that anyone who has not been in only a few always-exclusive relationships during the course of their sexual life (i.e., what msmith said above) would tally considerably higher than I have.

Figure that between one rel and the next you have 2, 3, 4 false starts that don't pan out and become ongoing relationships. Figure that there may be some casual sex for its own sake that weren't expected to pan out and become relationships in that same time frame. Figure that some of the relationships don't last more than 3 years. That easily adds up to 6 every 4 years (easily more than double that given the same "figurings"). Now figure getting devirginated at a more common age like 17. By 21, 6 people; by 25, 12 people; by 29 or 30, 18 people. By 40, you're easily over 30 people at that rate.

Toss in any variable that makes multiple couplings in a short time-frame more likely — participation in a singles' match-em-up thingie between relationships, being nonmonogamous and having multiple concurrent relationships and/or random casual sex or flinglets during the course of relationships, being monogamous in name only and cheating during relationships, going to an orgy or pseudo-orgiastic party and doing more than one person at a single event — and it's really easy to toss on an extra 12 or 18 incidents.

[Askia]

*sigh* (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php)That's some damn good animation, CynicalGabe. Thanks for sharing.

[belladonna]

I've heard girlfriends talk about attempted come-ons for a decade now, and every time I ask myself if that stuff ever works. I look at spam kind of the same way. What kind of airhead falls for this stuff? But, apparently, people do.
Eh, it seems to me that women aren't necessarily "falling" for anything. It's entirely possible that she, just like him, is only looking for a casual romp and the horny guy spouting lines is an adequate choice. He's certainly got a better chance than the guy sitting at the back table tsk tsking and thinking she's an airhead. Which is likely for the best, when casual types collide with earnest pursuers it's rarely pretty.

[lieu]

Not only was I not indescriminate, I was downright picky. Can't remember a single time that I later looked back on with regret. But I adore women and put the good ones on a pedestal and I think that came through. Plus, some other things were probably working because attractive women seemed to expect and enjoy my attention.

Being fit, going to college, having a good job, being interested in what made women tick, waiting until 37 to marry, it just kinda happened... and happened... and happened. Thank goodness there were long, monogamous relationships in there or it might reall have been a disturbing number.

[OrangeJumpsuit]

Having a vagina helps. If you don't have one, being good looking with a personality definitely helps, Kalhoun is right about that. If you're fat, boring and ugly, you'd better just throw a million darts and let the law of averages land you a bullseye.

[Hal Briston]

*head whips around in Hal Briston's direction*

Whoa, sorry about that. Damn reflexes!Heh...sorry, the hair has been cut, the spandex traded in for khakis, and the nights in the club replaced with doting on a pregnant wife. :)

[AskNott]

A friend of mine is a gal with a very long list. She was working as a barmaid, and she noticed a couple of military recruiters who would come into the bar about, in full uniform, 45 minutes before closing time. They were hunting for women who were pretty well sloshed by then. They had a good success rate. One night, she scolded them for their strategy, and she took one home. :D

[AskNott]

Um, that should have been, "who would come into the bar , in full uniform, about 45 minutes before closing time.

[EarthStone777]

*sigh* (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php)

Ok, who's the wiseass with 3.5 partners?

[Dunderman]

Eh, it seems to me that women aren't necessarily "falling" for anything. It's entirely possible that she, just like him, is only looking for a casual romp and the horny guy spouting lines is an adequate choice. He's certainly got a better chance than the guy sitting at the back table tsk tsking and thinking she's an airhead.
I didn't mean to imply she was an airhead, although, if she believes anything the guy said, she certainly is. What I don't get is the pure irrationality of it all. If she didn't want to sleep with him before he opened his mouth, why would the insipid, puerile lines he delivers change that? If she did want to sleep with him, why does he need to start delivering lines in the first place? It makes no sense.

But that's not the part that makes me go "jeez". She wants sex, she gets sex. The pathetic, ridiculous part is the guys. Being so desperate for sex that you do and say stuff like that and still manage to look yourself in the mirror in the morning... I guess they and I were just built from different blueprints.

[Neurotik]

Having a vagina helps.
A vagina, huh? So that's the trick. Where can I get one of these vaginas?

[SkeptiJess]

Is there a secret word that you use.For me (and I'm in the very low range of your high numbers with right around 30 partners), the secret word was "Yes." I was a good looking young thing and I never had to do anything more strenuous than flirt with the object of my affection and wait for him to ask me. I imagine it would have gotten more difficult as I got older -- I got married at 25 and put a padlock on the Nookie Machine (my husband has the only key).

[OrangeJumpsuit]

A vagina, huh? So that's the trick. Where can I get one of these vaginas?

Most people are born with theirs, but I hear there are doctors who can arrange that sort of thing.

[Stuffy]

I'm having real trouble putting a point on this subject. I think my successes were form several factors at different points.

During my Army days, wearing a uniform seemed to be all I had to do.

Afterwards I think it was more confidence, an easy going nature and being quick with a joke, or generally being witty.

I was rarely a barfly, and I'd say at least 75% of the time women came on to me, rather than the other way around. I don't think I've had more than a dozen one night stands. Most of them, I would classify them more as mini relatioships.

[Misnomer]

I'm just relieved to hear that 30 is the lowest high number: I can sleep with 9 more guys and still not be a slut! :D

Funny how it's so much easier for women to get laid than men, yet our numbers are often expected to be lower. . .

[Moirai]

Yep, being a girl means I can get laid any time I want to- weekly, daily, hourly, whatever. I won't demean myself by putting up numbers, but let's just say that low self-esteem + alcohol = lots and lots of sexual partners...

In my younger days, I was all over the place. Now, I am a contented wife and mommy to my beautiful boys.

[Shodan]

"I don't know how he gets all those women - all he ever does is stand there and lick his eyebrows."

Regards,
Shodan

[TV time]

When I was actively dating, I was rather successful.

I always respected women, never competed with them (not intellectually or emotionally) and always listened.

For the most part, it proved to be a very positive combination for both individuals involved.

TV

[kunilou]

I had a friend in high school who was rumored to be quite the stud. We wound up being roommates in college, and I got to see him at work -- something of an honor, because he worked without a wingman.

The guy wasn't particularly handsome, and didn't have much money. He really didn't go after that many girls, but any girl he went after, he could score with.

It was like watching a great athlete at the top of his game. You know it's hard work, but it all looks so natural.

1) He was blessed with supreme self-confidence. He simply never considered that he might not get the girl

2) He was relentless. Not in a creeepy-stalker sort of way, but he considered every roadblock, every obstacle to be only a speedbump on an otherwise smooth highway.

3) Like Batman, he was prepared. He and I once competed for the same girl. I showed up at 8:30 to walk her to class, he was there at 7:30 to buy her breakfast. I asked her out on Wednesday for Friday, he had arranged her entire weekend on Tuesday.

Confidence, determination and preparation. It worked every time for him.

[Beware of Doug]

It was like watching a great athlete at the top of his game. You know it's hard work, but it all looks so natural.The difference is: an athlete can train. The kind of self-assurance you're talking about is almost impossible to attain, because the harder you work for it, the less likely you are to achieve it.

[NajaNivea]

Would someone mind linking to the original thread? I can't seem to find it anywhere...

[NajaNivea]

Um, just kidding. Three searches with different words turned up nothing, but there it is at the bottom of the second page... :smack:

[DMark]

For me it was pretty easy. When you are young, horny and Gay, all you have to do is find other young, horny Gay guys. No rocket science there. The numbers, so to speak, add up quickly.

[jayjay]

Adding a vote for "be gay". There are a lot of venues for sex that straight folks don't really have the opportunity or knowledge to take advantage of. Let's just say that between the ages of 14 and 23 I was the Tearoom Teen Queen of Altoona and State College, PA.

Hey, I didn't say they were pleasant venues for sex...

[Clothahump]

Back in the days when I was single and playing the field, I learned very, very quickly that women responded in a very positive manner if I was nice to them. They as a group are pretty fed up with the "lounge lizard" sort of guy. A male who is polite, treats them nicely, courts them to some degree, listens to them and who doesn't lie to them is a rare animal, apparently, and they appreciate it.

[msmith537]

The difference is: an athlete can train. The kind of self-assurance you're talking about is almost impossible to attain, because the harder you work for it, the less likely you are to achieve it.


I disagree. Confidence pretty much comes with becoming comfortible performing an activity. You can be comfortible playing basketball without being an NBA level athlete. A person can practice striking up conversations with strangers. Formulating a basic plan for the evening can also build confidence.

Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn't mean they'll like you.

[kunilou]

Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn't mean they'll like you.

Don't underestimate confidence. Hell, if I had had the confidence to approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they said no and not stammer when I spoke, I could have had much higher numbers.

[jayjay]

Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn't mean they'll like you.

The thing is, if you're going for numbers, it becomes a numbers game. The more you approach, the more you end up sleeping with. If you're too timid to talk to any women, you're not going to get laid.

As always, the above doesn't really hold when you start looking at the all-male side of things. Or rather, it does, but not as strongly. I've had an awful lot of "encounters" where not a word was said. Hell, I've had an awful lot of encounters where I never saw their faces...

[twickster]

Let's face it, if you want numbers, your best bet is to be wanting to have sex with men, either a straight woman or a gay man.

[sleestak]

Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80's/early 90's, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage.

That mirrors my experience pretty well except I *was* on the stage. Long hair, check. Appropriate rock'n'roll attire, check. Playing in the band, check. Getting laid made easy. It didn't hurt that I was also nice to the women unlike some of the guys I knew.

The problem became, after a while, that you ended up slepping with everyone you wanted to as the population of the bar scene didn't change very fast. So you ran out of people to have sex with. There was a slow turn over of people but it was a fairly stable group. Except I did have a couple women who I was sex buddies with, basically if neither of us found someone we'd go home together*.

Another problem, for me on at least 2 occasions, was hitting on someone after forgetting that you had already done the deed with that person. I drank alot at that time and sometimes things were pretty blurry the next day. I got slapped** once by a woman who was pissed because I forgot I had slept with her about 6 months before.

It was pretty simple when I was doing that kind of thing, just be cool to the gals, be confident, and you'd probably end up getting laid. It also helped that just about everyone had been drinking.

Slee

*It scares me when I think about how much we slept around. I was careful most of the time but not all the time. Luckily I never caught anything.

**The funny things is that this woman was pissed that I forgot we slept togther after a heavy night of drinking yet she didn't think it was a big deal that she forgot to meantion that she was married. Her husband wanted to kick my ass and I didn't even know he existed. He came up to me one night all pissed and wanted to fight. It didn't happen, my friend who was a body builder stepped in and that ended it, but I had no idea why the guy wanted to fight me until like 7 or 8 months later when I found out who his wife was. ***

***I'm not proud of what I used to do. I'm not exactly sorry about it either. I was young, dumb and horny. I made it a point to *NOT* go home with married/dating women. I didn't want the hassle and thought it was uncool to cheat on your significant other. I have never cheated on a girlfriend.

[DougC]

- - - I am not one who has this sort of habit (of having many sex partners) but I would say that this question is semi-related to the other thread about "how do porn directors find so many willing attractive people". People who do this (enter into sexual contact relatively quickly/easily, or for pay) tend to have circles of like-minded friends. Sex is by nature something you can't do on your own (well ummm, you can but,,,, -you know).
~

[Sean Factotum]

Ok, who's the wiseass with 3.5 partners?
Did you ever see Boxing Helena?

[msmith537]

Don't underestimate confidence. Hell, if I had had the confidence to approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they said no and not stammer when I spoke, I could have had much higher numbers.


I'm not. My point is just that it is something you can build by doing an activity over and over again.


DougC is correct. You tend to hang out with people who at least tollerate your particular vices and habbits. If you are just looking to hook up, you go to places like bars and clubs with other people who are just looking to hook up. People who don't like that scene tend to be all like "that place is such a meat market :mad:" while people who do like it are like "that place is a meat market!! :D"

The problem as I see it is if you want a long-term steady relationship, it's tough to find that in the one-night stand bar scene since you will tend to attract people who are just into one-night stands.

[Skald the Rhymer]

I was a teen girl that was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was determined to have every male within reach "like" me and I'd do whatever necessary to achieve this goal.

Finding guys was easy enough with school, but Overton Square was known for letting teen girls into their bars. Millington Naval base was open back then, so I had sailors buying me drinks me every weekend and telling me they loved me.
Like I said in the other thread, I was a silly girl.

Wonderful. You're within a month of my age and clearly grew up in the same city asme, and yet I didn't know you, biblically or otherwise, in your active phase. I've also known Odin had it in for me.

[Tygr]

It was like watching a great athlete at the top of his game. You know it's hard work, but it all looks so natural.
The difference is: an athlete can train. The kind of self-assurance you're talking about is almost impossible to attain, because the harder you work for it, the less likely you are to achieve it.
I disagree. Confidence pretty much comes with becoming comfortible performing an activity. You can be comfortible playing basketball without being an NBA level athlete. A person can practice striking up conversations with strangers.
See, I see it from the other way as Doug. An athlete actually HAS skill/talent/ability. Self-confidence can be easily faked. (At least until the one-night stand turns into a relationship - at that point it becomes fairly obvious how pathetic one really is.)

'Cause it seems to me that if you're sleeping around a lot, some place deep inside your psyche is getting a big dose of self-validation from it. To the point that, at some juncture, going out and getting a piece becomes the only way to massage that ego. I expect you'd get addicted to putting notches in your belt. And THAT means that you really don't have all that much in the self-esteem reservoir.

[msmith537]

'Cause it seems to me that if you're sleeping around a lot, some place deep inside your psyche is getting a big dose of self-validation from it. To the point that, at some juncture, going out and getting a piece becomes the only way to massage that ego. I expect you'd get addicted to putting notches in your belt. And THAT means that you really don't have all that much in the self-esteem reservoir.


Yeah at least that particular pathetic validation seeking low self esteem loser is getting laid! :D


People sleep around for different reasons. Some of it probably is validation. Feeling that you are attractive to the opposite sex is a powerful motivator. Others just don't like the commitment of having someone to answer to. And others might just not have found that special someone yet. I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist.

What I do know is that we as humans have powerful drivers to get laid. I also think it's better to be a pathetic loser who gets some than a pathetic loser who doesn't.

[Sleel]

It's not that hard really, if you're into that kind of thing. I haven't slept with lots and lots of women, but I do pretty well. I went through a slut phase, which thankfully didn't last that long, when I finally got over my long-persisting shyness. There are a few people from that time I regret doing anything with but it wasn't too long until I started getting more selective. If you want to get laid all the time, lower your standards; if you want quality over quantity, figure out what else besides looks are important.

The really gorgeous girls are usually not going to sleep with you unless you're really something special or you find a way through the defenses they've built up from being hit on since they were 12. That's not impossible, but you'd better be able to convince them that you're not wasting their time. It's usually a better idea to concentrate on the friends of the really hot one. Usually, they've got better personalities than the super-hottie anyway.

Being a gay man or a straight woman is, as others said, a sure-fire way to boost your numbers. If I were gay, my "score" would probably be 3 or 4 times what it is now. I was a late bloomer and the friend who helped me finally break out of my shell was gay. Every time I went to a party with my gay friends I'd notice the phenomenon I dubbed the "Chum in the Water Effect." Young guy in decent shape, a bit shy still, intelligent and witty (according to reports), and "He's straight?!" adds up to a very appealing package. I always got guys giving me their phone numbers, inviting me to go out, etc. Groups help too. Attending an orgy or swap party will pretty much guarantee multiple partners. Accepting a few of those bathhouse invitations would have doubled my current total, I'm sure.

Confidence is key. I got over my shyness through a combination of growing maturity and being hit on by gay guys. I realized that even if only half the complements were true, the same qualities that made me attractive to gay men were probably attractive to straight women. Armed with that knowledge, I was able to feel more confident, and that made me more attractive to most women, which led to more social success, which led to better confidence. It helps to get over failures and weird situations where someone seems to dislike you for no particular reason too.

I don't do well in really noisy places. I need to talk to get anywhere. I can pick up at a club, but usually only if there's a quieter place in the club to talk. Without talking it comes down to a looks contest, and there are better-looking, taller, more in-shape guys than me, who can dance better than I can, at most clubs. I had no idea who Jeffries was until a couple of years ago. I checked out some related sites out of curiosity and found that the conversational strategies they espouse are not too different from what I've almost always done. I pay attention and try to be a good listener. I ask questions to find out what kind of person she is and what qualities are appealing to her. I don't just ask about interests, I try to find out what makes her interested in those things.

The difference for me is that I didn't have to practice the sincerity; that's just my personality. If you're genuinely interested in her and focus on her, that makes her feel special and wanted, and that's going to mean that there's much more of a chance for further intimacy. Just be careful not to become her therapist or friend. I used to fall into those traps a lot when I was just starting out.

You've got to be comfortable with touching and good at reading body language so that you know how and when to escalate body contact. You must, must, must be a good kisser. I rarely go home alone if I've been able to get to the kissing stage. Kissing is a make-or-break thing for many, if not all women. Being good in bed may not boost your numbers, but it'll sure as hell make it more likely you'll get a repeat performance. As a slightly geeky introvert when I was young, I read a lot about sex and massage, and put it into practice when I finally got a chance. I used to make it my goal to give her the best time I could. I usually wasn't happy unless I'd exhausted her. An added bonus of that is that I'd probably be able to spot a fake orgasm a mile away.

Now, though, I've got a girlfriend who I've been with for almost 4 years, so I'm being a good boy. It's tough sometimes when you're in a relationship. I swear that you never have so many women make themselves available as when you're in a serious relationship. It's the human version of catnip or something.

[Pushkin]

The thing is, if you're going for numbers, it becomes a numbers game. The more you approach, the more you end up sleeping with. If you're too timid to talk to any women, you're not going to get laid

True, it is a numbers game. Even I, with a "score" of 1, did it. Quite simply, I got closer to a few women through work, overcoming my lack of confidence in natural hunting grounds like pubs and clubs and eventually one of them suggested I join her in bed.

Here I am, under a year later, a father to be ;)