Six Degrees of the BBQ Pit

[Eve]

Being rootin', tootin' Dopers, we can turn anything into fightin' words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?*

1) Flowers smell nice.

2) Puppies are cute.

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!


(*Note since this is not the Pit, please use euphemisms, like f**k or c**t)

[Hey, It's That Guy!]

Being rootin', tootin' Dopers, we can turn anything into fightin' words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?*

1) Flowers smell nice.
Too bad your mom doesn't, biatch!

2) Puppies are cute.
A puppy killed my son, you insensitive prick!

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!
Those are my ears, you dirty whore!

[Anaamika]

1) Flowers smell nice.

I hate people who put flowers everywhere by their desks and stuff. Don't they have any consideration for other people...I mean my allergies act up, and I'm sooooo miserable, and they're so selfish.


Puppies are cute

No they're not, they shit everywhere and sometimes it's got worms in it (puke) and you let them pee on my lawn! :mad:

[Homebrew]

1) Flowers smell nice.Well I'm allergic and you bringing them into the office causes me a rash and itchy eyes you insensitive b***h

2) Puppies are cute.Dingos ate my baby!

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!I cut my ear and that's a scab. Thanks for noting it and making me self-conscious moron.

[Cat Whisperer]

<snip>3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!<snip>

I don't need to look pretty - I am a strong, independent woman. Earrings are part of the male conspiracy to keep women barefoot and pregnant! Men just love it when women mutilate themselves for them.

[Anastasaeon]

1) Flowers smell nice.


Some of us can't smell, thank you very much. You're being very prejudice to those of us who have no sense of taste or smell. I didn't choose to have that bottle rocket shot up my nose, okay?


2) Puppies are cute.


What about kittens?! Why must you be so prejudiced against cats? How dare you insult us cat lovers with this thread?!


3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!


Oh, so that's all we are to you, huh? Just pieces of meat with earrings on. "How pretty!" That's the best you can do? What about my mind, huh? I'm not an object with many dangly things to play with. I didn't dress up for you. The women's rights movement has just been set back 67 YEARS!


* - I'm not sure if I followed the rules exactly, but that was much fun!

[twickster]

2) Puppies are cute.

Yeah, but the whole housebreaking thing is completely beyond my jackass friend, so his puppy piddles on my foot every time I go over there.

And don't get me started on my neighbor's dog, who keeps coming over and taking a dump on my lawn.

4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent!

[silenus]

4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent!

You vegetarians and your holier-then-thou attitudes make me want to vomit! I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots! Sanctimonious twit!

5) Nice day today, isn't it?

[Biotop]

I hate people who put flowers everywhere by their desks and stuff. Don't they have any consideration for other people...I mean my allergies act up, and I'm sooooo miserable, and they're so selfish.



You know, this really burns me. It's not enough to force people to work in unattractive little cubicles, but you have to rail against those who want to add a little color, wee bit of aroma, a flash of life, to these paper tombs.

Your alleged "allergies" (read: all-in-your-head kookiness) are just your excuse to be miserable. Quit blaming the flowers. It ain't them that aren't nice.

Flowers give. It's the anti-flower crowd that are the selfish ones.

[Anastasaeon]

4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent!


Oh, pulease. Veggie burgers are for hippies and deviants. Bunch of liberal pussies, you and anyone who eats that new age crap!



*Checks freezer, hides Boca burgers*

[Anastasaeon]

5) Nice day today, isn't it?

My great aunt's fiftieth cat just died today! Show a little respect! :mad:

[La Llorona]

1) Flowers smell nice.

Why, yes, they do smell nice...especially at the funeral of my entire family who just died last week in a tragic accident involving electrical cords and Kleenex. Thanks for reminding me!!! I bet their deaths make you laugh, too. I bet you're sitting there behind your computer screen, just cackling evilly to yourself about my family's death. I hope you rot in hell, buddy. Not only that, I hope your Charter Member status is revoked, m***********!

2) Puppies are cute.

Isn't that just emphasizing the false standards of beauty we have in the Western world? What about puppies who aren't cute? What about them! They have to live up to the unrealistic standards of those size-0 dogs with the big brown eyes you see in the Purina commercials. Doesn't someone need to stand up for the puppies who are less than "cute", but still lead fulfilling lives anyway? Un-cute puppies are no less deserving of love than cute ones, and I won't stand for those who say otherwise!

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!

Yeah, well, what about me? What about my ears? Hmm, I forgot: I don't have ears! Way to be discriminatory about the side-of-the-head-protusion impaired, buddy. I'll be phoning the ACLU post haste...oh, wait.

[Biotop]

5) Nice day today, isn't it?


Hey Tinkerbell, don't you get the paper.


6. Oh look at that happy couple. They've been married for 75 years and still in love!

[La Llorona]

protusion

And way to go, La Llorona, you total moron! Can't you even spell "protrusion" correctly, you worthless excuse for a messageboard poster?

[Ghanima]

Puppies are cute.

You know, it's attitudes like this that cause thousands of innocent animals to end up in shelters being euthanized. Your ignorant little "Oooooh, puppies are cute!!! statement makes me want to puke. When are people going to finally realize that puppies are not just cute? That they are actually living breathing dogs that deserve more than that, and need proper care and the respect that all life deserves? People like you make me sick. It's time people learned to respect dogs and recognize their value. They are not little playthings that you can call "cute" and then just forget about like they are a toy or something. Shame on you, you empty-headed little tw*t! Life is not your entertainment system. People like you should be tied to the fence by a collar around your neck, laughed at by people, and treated like objects, just like you treat puppies like objects! F*ck off, c*nt!!@@#!#@!!$

[Eve]

5) Nice day today, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess it's a nice day for people who aren't being invaded by President Bush's army of occupation! You selfish American peeg.

[silenus]

And way to go, La Llorona, you total moron! Can't you even spell "protrusion" correctly, you worthless excuse for a messageboard poster?

Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We're born that way, you know. It isn't a choice! :mad:

[Eve]

6. Oh look at that happy couple. They've been married for 75 years and still in love!

Yeah, well I know a couple who's been together 76 years, but since they're gay, they're not allowed to marry, you right-wing Christian jerkwad!!

[Anaamika]

Anywa, dogs and cats suck eggs as pets. You should all adopt birds!




My friends just had a new baby!

[La Llorona]

Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We're born that way, you know. It isn't a choice! :mad:

"Born that way," my sainted aunt! There is a right way to spell and there is a wrong way to spell, and those who don't follow the high road have done so because they chose not to. It's "Adam and Eve," not "Adum and Eve"! So come, give up your sinful ways and embrace the healing power of the OED. The OED can save you from your past spelling sins and ensure a happy, properly-spelled future for you. So what are you waiting for?

The OED loves the little children, all the children of the world...

[Zebra]

Flowers smell NICE?!?! NICE?!?!!

Flowers used to smell nice till George Bush gave Haliburton the contract for flowers.


And those oh so nice ear rings I'm wearing today can't be worn by my children due to the fact that those elitist liberals won't completly eliminate the estate tax. The ear rings will be taken away and given to a welfare mother in Detroit.


Puppies are cute. - Sorry, got nothing on that.

[Biotop]

2) Puppies are cute.




I know I'm not supposed to say this, but when I read such extremist diatribes from the radical cur-kissing element, I know that it is time to just pull up the lawnchair and watch the fireworks.

How dare you claim to be the know-all about puppies?! Geesh. This is going to get real ugly real fast.

[Biotop]

Flowers smell NICE?!?! NICE?!?!!

Flowers used to smell nice till George Bush gave Haliburton the contract for flowers.





Actually, the flowers have been smelling bad since 1999, when You-Know-Who was in power.

[La Llorona]

My friends just had a new baby!

Hello, cite? Way to make unsubstantiated claims without proper documentation. Here on the SDMB, we don't tolerate you n00bs who think you can just waltz in and say whatever you like without a cite.

"The sky is blue"? "The grass is green"? F*** that, b****, I want some independant verification of those statements! And Wikipedia does not count as a valid cite. :mad:

[Exgineer]

My friends just had a new baby!
That's just great. Now we're just multiplying out of control and have a whole new generation to consume dwindling resources and pollute the environment. Don't bother considering the impact irresponsible breeding has on the earth or anything, bitch. Selfish bastards.

[Strinka]

Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We're born that way, you know. It isn't a choice! :mad:Gaudere's Law in acshun.

[Little Nemo]

1) Flowers smell nice.

2) Puppies are cute.

It's bad enough you're encouraging the enslavement of your fellow animals with your "puppies are cute" mentality but you also are encouraging the genocide of our plant siblings with your "flowers smell nice" hate speech. You're just like Hitler, encouraging people to kill the Jews. All lifeforms deserve to live and be free.

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!
Just the kind of sexist remark I'd expect from a Nazi.

[Cat Whisperer]

Hello, cite? Way to make unsubstantiated claims without proper documentation. Here on the SDMB, we don't tolerate you n00bs who think you can just waltz in and say whatever you like without a cite.

"The sky is blue"? "The grass is green"? F*** that, b****, I want some independant verification of those statements! And Wikipedia does not count as a valid cite. :mad:
How are we supposed to take you seriously when you can't even spell "independent" right?



My snack tastes good.

[Biotop]

My snack tastes good.


If you want to embalm yourself with a bag of deep-fried toxic chemical slivers, be my guest. Just don't ask me to pay for your medical needs later.

[twickster]

If you want to embalm yourself with a bag of deep-fried toxic chemical slivers, be my guest. Just don't ask me to pay for your medical needs later.

How do you know s/he's snacking on chemicals? It could be carrots. Sheesh. Jump to conclusions much?

[Robot Arm]

My snack tastes good.Great Guinea Pig of Winnipeg! Don't you know that beef jerky is tested on animals? Sweaty s************s, I don't know how some people can live with themselves.


Oh look, I found a nickel.

[ioioio]

1) Flowers smell nice.
2) Puppies are cute.
3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!
Lamest.posts.ever.

No wonder you have such a high post count when you continually post trite crap like this. You are such an attention whore. At least have the decency to give your thread a descriptive title so those of us with some sense can avoid wasting our time opening it. How about this title: Stupid crap I'm posting to pad my post count because I don't have a life.
Get some therapy, bitch.










;)

[missbunny]

You're all very insenstive, posting your lovey-dovey nicey-nice statements when people are dying down in New Orleans. You make me sick.

Robot Arm that nickel belongs to someone. Don't you think you are stealing by not returning it to its rightful owner?

[Biotop]

How do you know s/he's snacking on chemicals? It could be carrots. Sheesh. Jump to conclusions much?


Percentages, my friend, percentages.

You know the snack isn't carrots. I know the snack isn't carrots. Quit living in your whoo-whoo dreamland for just a tiny moment and you might just notice how few people are snacking on carrots.

And, by the way, carrots are root crops. They "grow" in a pesticide laden sludge-stew of chemical pseudosoil, pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, diseased manure, polluted water runoff, and who knows what else. Then these genetically engineered franken-karrots are picked by filthy-handed workers in unsanitary conditions and packed off for a thousand plus mile drive to some rat-infested, improperly refrigerated storehouse. Weeks later, our limp, vitamin-drained orange/brown sticks are laid out by uncaring underpaid produce lackeys and left for a week or two until some doe-eyed clueless grocery victim bags them in plasticine-leaking non-biodegradable sacks and totes them home to potato chip lovin' junior.

What a friggin' improvement.



And a big "thank you" to those kind people who helped out when my car broke down.

[sciurophobic]

2) Puppies are cute.



But liberals hate puppies, just like they hate God.

[JohnT]

You're all very insenstive, posting your lovey-dovey nicey-nice statements when people are dying down in New Orleans. You make me sick.

Robot Arm that nickel belongs to someone. Don't you think you are stealing by not returning it to its rightful owner?

F that. Finders keepers, losers weepers. Don't come crying to me, Argentina! :mad:

Btw, my wife is a wonderful woman.

[Biotop]

Btw, my wife is a wonderful woman.


Don't I know it.

[Borborygmi]

5) Nice day today, isn't it?
I c****** f******* b******* w**** I'm r******* h****. P****** c**** up with the s********* p***** i********** and w*** s******** to h***** t**** l**** s*************** N*** I h**** "Nice day today, isn't it?" S***.

[missbunny]

F that. Finders keepers, losers weepers. Don't come crying to me, Argentina! :mad:

Btw, my wife is a wonderful woman.

You're bordering on copyright infringement, dude. Lowlife trying to pretend that "Argentina" phrase is your own. I bet you and your wonderful wife snuck in to the theatre, too. In case you're unaware, poor people can't afford to see Broadway plays - why do you have to rub our faces in your cultural superiority???

[swampbear]

And a big "thank you" to those kind people who helped out when my car broke down.

You ought to be thankful somebody took pity on your ass when that piece of shit clunker broke down yet again, you turd muncher! If you'd drive a decent car, then people wouldn't have to waste their time always "helping poor ol' Biotop stranded on the road again. I bet your co-workers really appreciate how often you either show up late for work or call and say you can't come in because that assheap of a clunker you drive broke down again. Why don't you quit being such a wanker and buy a damn decent vehicle! It's people like you who drive up the cost of gas driving around in those foul odor emitting heaps that probably get what 50 yards to a gallon? Quit f**kin wasting our time with your little tales of woe about that broken down s**stain of a car you drive. You @%$&*($ felchin' *#$%@*^%@

I just won the lottery!

[Happy Lendervedder]

2) Puppies are cute.

Post 1: This crap sounds familiar....Is that a sock I smell? With little eyes glued on it?
Post: 2: F*ck you, d*uchebag! Why does there always have to be some f*cktw*t with some holier-than-thou attitude ragging on newbies? Just because you have 8000 posts and your start date pre-dates Jesus doesn't give you the right to be an *sshole. This is why this place sucks nowadays. I've been lurking for 14 years, and I know more than you c*ckholes understand. I am not a f*cking sock, and I know that such accusations are against the rules here. I am a unique and beautiful flower, who happens to have an opinion on puppies. I don't give a f*ck if you think my writing style sounds like somebody else. I know better, and you can eat sh*t and die! This place F*cking sucks, and so do Americans! I hate Americans! You're an *sshole, but I won't let myself get upset over a worthless c*nt like you! I hope you enjoy your little f*cking online hoity-toity clique. I'm sure it's the only one you've ever been a part of. Now I'm sure everyone's going to jump on your f*cking bandwagon and call me an *sshole and a d*uchebag. Well, enjoy your fun, you pathetic loosers. You can have your f*cking message board life. I'm out of here. You F*cking c*ntwarts, I hate you! :mad:


I just won the lottery!

Well, in the lazy bastard's book of ways to make a living, I guess it beats sucking d*ck.

[norinew]

I just won the lottery!
I think you misspelled "government-run tax on dumb people". Not only that, but when you win it, they take at least half of it back in taxes! Which they use to advertise the "lottery" as you so laughingly call it. And they advertise it on shows only dumb people watch, like Jerry Springer. You're probably not going to do anything productive with the money anyway. Probably, you'll just buy more goats to felch. Asshat.

Coffee is the nectar of the gods.

[JohnT]

You're bordering on copyright infringement, dude. Lowlife trying to pretend that "Argentina" phrase is your own. I bet you and your wonderful wife snuck in to the theatre, too. In case you're unaware, poor people can't afford to see Broadway plays - why do you have to rub our faces in your cultural superiority???

It's posts like this that make me believe that the SDMB should be paying me to post here.

Look, missbunny (if that's even your real name :dubious: ), there are two facts I'd like to impress upon you - that is, if you can actually hold two facts in your head:

1. The original line is "Don't cry for me, Argentina." My line was "Don't cry to me, Argentina." Completely, totally different.

2. I saw the movie. At a friends house. So don't come crying to me, Argentina, about your supposed moral superiority just because you think you're poorer than me! I couldn't even afford to go dutch on a $1 rental! Beat that! You can't? Well, who's superior now, misssmartypants????!?!!!??!!?

[Anaamika]

I just won the lottery!
And I just bet you're keeping all the money to yourself, too, even though people are STARVING in my home country of India. You selfish American!



I'm having tacos for dinner!

[Happy Lendervedder]

I'm having tacos for dinner!

I find that term very offensive, *sshole.



Has anyone seen "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" yet?

[JohnT]

Coffee is the nectar of the gods.

It saddens me, all the hyperactive type-A's out there with their typical addiction problems. Can't you people slow down and enjoy life for a while?

Bioteps SO is wonderful too. ;)

[JohnT]

I find that term very offensive, *sshole.



Has anyone seen "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" yet?

Having never met you in person, I can't say that I have.

[silenus]

Oh look, I found a nickel.

Once again, the Capitalist Oppressors flaunt their wealth in front of the starving Workers of the World. Did you produce anything to earn that nickel? NO! You found it. It rightfully belongs to some downtrodden worker who slaved long and hard in a corporate-owned sweatshop, trying to feed her children, and you just pick it up and put it in your pocket! You swine! Come the Revolution, you and yours will be the first to go to the wall!

[silenus]

I'm having tacos for dinner!

Once again, the cultural heritage of the indigenous peoples of Meso-American are strip-mined for "Western Civilization's" endless appetite for novelty.

[Anaamika]

Having never met you in person, I can't say that I have.
You know it is really not necessary to drag person insults in here you bastard. That was so uncool.

[JohnT]

Once again, the cultural heritage of the indigenous peoples of Meso-American are strip-mined for "Western Civilization's" endless appetite for novelty.

Yes, because lettuce, sour cream, beef, and cheddar cheese is such a crucial part of their pre-Columbian heritage.

As for myself, I'm gonna fry me and my family up some chicken tonight.

[Eve]

How do you know s/he's snacking on chemicals?

"s/he?" If I see one more thinly-veiled crack against the transgendered . . . Damn transphobic hatemonger.

[Happy Lendervedder]

You know it is really not necessary to drag person insults in here you bastard. That was so uncool.

Listen, you. I can defend myself. I don't need your damn help. And JohnT, I'm only 30, I'll have you know.



Ruby Red Squirt is soooo yummy!

[JohnT]

You know it is really not necessary to drag person insults in here you bastard. That was so uncool.

God, answer a simple question and get your ass jumped all over for it! What bug crawled into your ass, munched a nest into your colon, and then started pumping out kids?

[JohnT]

Listen, you. I can defend myself. I don't need your damn help. And JohnT, I'm only 30, I'll have you know.



Ruby Red Squirt is soooo yummy!

Last thing we need to hear is your fascination with earning your Red Wings, you vampirous freak.

[Anaamika]

Listen, you. I can defend myself. I don't need your damn help. And JohnT, I'm only 30, I'll have you know.


Fine! Screw you!


Eve, this is a great thread!

[Anne Neville]

I'm having tacos for dinner!

And you don't even care that they'll make you fart, and the methane you produce will contribute to global warming, do you?

As for myself, I'm gonna fry me and my family up some chicken tonight.

MURDERER! Chickens are people, too.

[twickster]

Eve, this is a great thread!

Sure, suck up to the OP, you kowtowing bitch.

[Anaamika]

And you don't even care that they'll make you fart, and the methane you produce will contribute to global warming, do you?

F**k no! I fart in your general direction! I wave my private parts at your aunties!

[Happy Lendervedder]

Eve, this is a great thread!


Well, what a surprise. Anaamika follows Eve into a thread and kisses her ass. Film at 11.



Calling all dopers! I'm collecting canned goods and money for the hurricane relief efforts.

[JohnT]

Calling all dopers! I'm collecting canned goods and money for the hurricane relief efforts.

Tell it to Robot Arm, the rich bastard. As for me, I gave at the office.

[pinkfreud]

Sure, suck up to the OP, you kowtowing bitch.How dare you make a remark insulting us kows? We have feelings, too, you ignorant bovine-basher.

[silenus]

Calling all dopers! I'm collecting canned goods and money for the hurricane relief efforts.

And you think that your charity makes you something special, don't you? Arrogant bastard.

[Anne Neville]

Calling all dopers! I'm collecting canned goods and money for the hurricane relief efforts.

Giving them money and canned goods just encourages them to rebuild in a hurricane-prone area, and we'll be going through the same thing 20 years down the road, only it'll cost us all a lot more.

My cat got into my bed last night and curled up against me and purred.

[The Weird One]

As for me, I gave at the office.
Yeah, and the check is in the mail, right? God, way to use the oldest excuse in the books. Look, if you don't want to give money to people whose whole lives are gone, at least have the balls to say so, you selfish pr*ck.





SEX!!

[Happy Lendervedder]

As for myself, I'm gonna fry me and my family up some chicken tonight.


Yeah, that sounds healthy. :rolleyes: Having a cow fat and porkchop smoothie with a turd on top for dessert?


So, Anaamika, how you doin'? ;)

[Anaamika]

My cat got into my bed last night and curled up against me and purred.
Nasty smelly cats. Can't believe you like those things....you probably let it wander all over the neighborhood, too, killing small animals and birds! :mad:

[missbunny]

It's posts like this that make me believe that the SDMB should be paying me to post here.

Look, missbunny (if that's even your real name :dubious: ), there are two facts I'd like to impress upon you - that is, if you can actually hold two facts in your head:

JOHNT IS A BIG FAT POOPYHEAD. SO THERE. BEAT THAT, JERK.

[Eve]

My cat got into my bed last night and curled up against me and purred.

I hope you didn't have the cat declawed—you might as well rip its ears off slowly with pliers, you unfeeling, selfish oaf.

[JohnT]

Giving them money and canned goods just encourages them to rebuild in a hurricane-prone area, and we'll be going through the same thing 20 years down the road, only it'll cost us all a lot more.

My cat got into my bed last night and curled up against me and purred.

This is a family site, so tales of your bestial experiences are not amusing.

[Happy Lendervedder]

I hope you didn't have the cat declawed—you might as well rip its ears off slowly with pliers, you unfeeling, selfish oaf.

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up in her own thread again. You're the one who started this sh*t-storm, and I was starting to wonder if you'd ever show your face here again. Oh, I see you've already posted 5 times. Well, in that case, I think you've made your case and now it's just a matter of a dead horse. So stop pounding it.



My poor little dog has fleas.

[Robot Arm]

Has anyone seen "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" yet?Thanks for reminding me some bastard's making a fortune on my life story while I'm reduced to picking up nickels in the street.

[Jman]

I have to say that this is the funniest thread I've read in a while.

Yeah, you'd expect comments like that, wouldn't you, Eve? I bet you just sit at home and think of ways for the SD community to build a new shrine to you...whatever. Then you bring up rediculous things like flowers, puppies, and earrings. Don't you know that we're all going to DIE. That's right...why bother with this meaningless tripe when death could come knocking at any moment. There he is, Death, lurking around all our corners, and you have the audacity to try and push your ego-boosting self promotion on us, and try and use FLOWERS and PUPPIES to do it too...the lowest of the low.

[Biotop]

SEX!!


I was wondering when the perverts were going to show up.

I'm going to say this calmly, if I can. There may be children reading this thread. Please keep all remarks referring to the sordid entwining of private parts in their proper places. Not here.

[Anaamika]

I was wondering when the perverts were going to show up.

I'm going to say this calmly, if I can. There may be children reading this thread. Please keep all remarks referring to the sordid entwining of private parts in their proper places. Not here.
Goddamn! What a prude! Look, it's not my problem if parents can't handle their kdis...I'll talk about sex if and when I want!

[twickster]

I was wondering when the perverts were going to show up.

I'm going to say this calmly, if I can. There may be children reading this thread. Please keep all remarks referring to the sordid entwining of private parts in their proper places. Not here.
Your private parts entwine? :eek:

You sick bastard.

[Happy Lendervedder]

I was wondering when the perverts were going to show up.

I'm going to say this calmly, if I can. There may be children reading this thread. Please keep all remarks referring to the sordid entwining of private parts in their proper places.

$50 says that place ain't your bed.

[pinkfreud]

My poor little dog has fleas.Gaw dammit, go tune your freakin' ukulele somewhere else, willya?

[Amazon Floozy Goddess]

Goddamn! What a prude! Look, it's not my problem if parents can't handle their kdis...I'll talk about sex if and when I want!

There's enough sex in society already! Sex this and sex that! I bet if you talk about it you must also dress the part, eh? With your little glittery tube top and hot pants? Don't deny it, I know your kind, sleazebot.

I found a four-leaf clover!

[Anaamika]

I found a four-leaf clover!
:rolleyes: Following old-fasioned superstitions are we? No better way to ring in the new! If you could drag your mind even to last century, you'd know we don't need such stupid customs.

[silenus]

I found a four-leaf clover!

And how many little old ladies did you knock into the bushes while walking around with your head down? Inconsiderate road-hog.



I love everybody!

[Anaamika]

I love everybody!
(oh god please let me get this in first)

DAMN GAYS! With your loose morals, sleeping around with everyone, ruining the moral fabric of society!

[JohnT]

And how many little old ladies did you knock into the bushes while walking around with your head down? Inconsiderate road-hog.



I love everybody!

I took a poll:

It's not reciprocated. Not even close.

[Happy Lendervedder]

There's enough sex in society already! Sex this and sex that! I bet if you talk about it you must also dress the part, eh? With your little glittery tube top and hot pants? Don't deny it, I know your kind, sleazebot.

I found a four-leaf clover!


Black magic and superstition will send your soul to rot in hell with with the f*gs, baby killers and Jews. Fred Phelps Forever (FPF2005.org)!


I love everybody!

*cough*slut*cough*

[OrangeJumpsuit]

You sick bastard.

Way to insult everyone who was not born unto a wedded couple. Ever stop to think for a second that certain couples don't want to get married, and therefore all of their children will be bastards? Even if teh child were the result of teenage hormone's and Jose Cuervo, how does that give you the right to insult the child, by calling him/her a bastard? Congratulations on damning the son for the sin's of his father.

:wally

[Happy Lendervedder]

:wally

Yeah, bring Wally into this. Real nice. D*ck.



My grandma just donated her estate to the Pediatric AIDS Foundation!

[missbunny]

You know what's really scary? I have to keep reminding myself that we're all just joshin'. We are, right? Because this thread is like them funhouse mirrors.

[JohnT]

Yeah, bring Wally into this. Real nice. D*ck.



My grandma just donated her estate to the Pediatric AIDS Foundation!

Doesn't give a shit about the graying of America or the people in New Orleans, does she?

[Biotop]

:rolleyes: Following old-fasioned superstitions are we? No better way to ring in the new! If you could drag your mind even to last century, you'd know we don't need such stupid customs.


Poor foolish non-believer. You have no idea what you are missing. There is magic in the world, if you open your eyes to see it. There are spirits speaking to you, if you would only open your ears to hear them. The Otherworld wants to embrace you, if you would only open your heart and accept it.

This is not a matter of this century, last century, or the next century. The timeless beauty of the alternate world speaks its love to us through the smallest mysteries...such as the four-leaf clover.

I hope that someday you find such a little clover Anaamika, and you can experience the overwhelming joy of the Otherness, of peacefulness of the Whole.

But until then, keep your short-sighted, close-minded, destructive pus-oozing to yourself!

[Amazon Floozy Goddess]

Way to insult everyone who was not born unto a wedded couple. Ever stop to think for a second that certain couples don't want to get married, and therefore all of their children will be bastards? Even if teh child were the result of teenage hormone's and Jose Cuervo, how does that give you the right to insult the child, by calling him/her a bastard? Congratulations on damning the son for the sin's of his father.

:wally

"Teh"? Teh?? Are you dyslexic or a hacker? Man. :mad: :smack: :mad:

[Eve]

:wally

Oh, great—way to not only insult people in a MPSIMS thread, but dredge up the whole "is Wally really dead?" issue again.

[Eve]

You know what's really scary? I have to keep reminding myself that we're all just joshin'. We are, right? Because this thread is like them funhouse mirrors.

What the hell is it with you people and the teeny-tiny typefaces? Tryimg to make us all go goddam blind or something, just to be cute?

[pinkfreud]

DAMN GAYS! With your loose morals, sleeping around with everyone, ruining the moral fabric of society!Speaking of moral fabric, my friends from PETA have informed me that rayon is made out of the compressed uvulas of one-week-old vivisected Beagles. Let's all boycott synthetic fabrics before there are no more puppydogs left in the world.

[cbawlmer]

As for myself, I'm gonna fry me and my family up some chicken tonight.

That's the most racist thing I've seen all day, you stereotype perpetuator!

And honestly, this thread marks the first time I've ever seen anyone suggest a person could gain "cultural superiority" through the viewing of an Andrew Lloyd Webber production.

[wolf_meister]

Eve
I know this is the Pit but I'll still try to tone down my language. You said "1) Flowers smell nice." I'd have to agree with you - in part - but the fact is that flowers used to smell nice. And when did this change occur? January 20, 2001 the day you-know-who came to power.
Someone mentioned the flower contract was given to Halliburton. Not true. On January 20, 2001, all domestic sales of flowers came under the iron-fisted rule of the "shadow government", the Tri-Lateral commission and a certain member of the Skull and Bones Fraternity at Yale. Since that day, all American flower-growing has been outsourced to third world countries such as Mozambique and Singapore. This allows those in power to reap huge profits by exploiting the most poverty-stricken areas of the world. Through no fault of their own, the residents of these exploited countries cannot replicate the delicate aromatic essence of flowers that were previously grown here in America. But does "Dubya" care about the decrease in quality OR the loss of American jobs? No!! Not so long as he and his cronies can reap unconscienable profits.
Oh and due to the completely inept handling of the economy since a certian Commaner In Chief came to power on January 20, 2001, flowers have become outrageously expensive. To all the Red Staters I say - you voted him in - I hope you are happy. HARUMPH !!! :mad:

And I'm surprised no one has brought this up until now !!!

*************************************************************

(By the way, this is a funny thread you started Eve. The parodies of all the "Pit" rants (and replies) are well-done by all the "Dopers" who have responded.)

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Let's all boycott synthetic fabrics before there are no more puppydogs left in the world.
Sure, sure, it's easy for you elitist liberals to say that while you sip your organic Chardonnay and play with your Susie-Bright-approved vibrators. Don't you know that your boycott is just going to hurt children in third-world factories? You boycott, and those poor doe-eyed tots will be fired from the factory where they made the money to buy their poor sainted parents the medicine they need to live. They'll be reduced to collecting, washing, and reselling used band-aids that they find in hotel garbage cans, in order to make ends meet.

the "Puppies are cute? They get euthanized, that's how cute they are!" turns up in my line of work at least once a month; and my first girlfriend, after I told her that she looked pretty in skirts, told me that the comment made her want to burn all her skirts. So no "lovely earrings" comments from this traumatized boy!

Daniel

[PapSett]

I have to hijack this for a minute and say that this is one of the funniest threads I have read.

EVER. :D

Carry on. :cool:

[Happy Lendervedder]

EVER. :D




Take your finger off the shift key, Sherlock. There's no need to scream.

[Biotop]

My grandma just donated her estate to the Pediatric AIDS Foundation!


But what have YOU done?

Just as I thought.




And remember. We are all winners when we play fairly. That's why we shake hands after the game.

[Eve]

those poor doe-eyed tots will be fired from the factory where they made the money to buy their poor sainted parents the medicine they need to live.

"Sainted?" You just had to bring religion into it, didn't you, you fluff-headed, pink-unicorn-worshipping loony. It's a crutch, I tells you—a crutch!

I like ice cream.

[plnnr]

Fuck all of you.

(All pit rants have to have the word "fuck" in them. It's the law.)

[missbunny]

What the hell is it with you people and the teeny-tiny typefaces? Tryimg to make us all go goddam blind or something, just to be cute?

Well YOU can go join JohnT in Poopyheadville. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun together.

[Happy Lendervedder]

I like ice cream.

My girlfriend was paralyzed by a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.

[twickster]

....some doe-eyed clueless grocery victim bags them in plasticine-leaking non-biodegradable sacks....

[quote=Left Hand of Dorkness]...
You boycott, and those poor doe-eyed tots will be fired from the factory where they made the money...[quote]

I am sick to freakin' death of the cervid cliches y'all throw around constantly.

[twickster]

And people who can't code properly piss me right the fuck off.

[Happy Lendervedder]

[quote=Left Hand of Dorkness]...
You boycott, and those poor doe-eyed tots will be fired from the factory where they made the money...[quote]

I am sick to freakin' death of the cervid cliches y'all throw around constantly.


I am [b]so[/i] sick of people who don't know how to f*cking code.



Pope Benedict XVI is German.

[Biotop]

[quote=Left Hand of Dorkness]...
You boycott, and those poor doe-eyed tots will be fired from the factory where they made the money...[quote]

I am sick to freakin' death of the cervid cliches y'all throw around constantly.


Maybe if you get hit in the face with a steaming feces pie you'll be doo-dough-eyed. How 'bout that?

[Anaamika]

And people who can't code properly piss me right the fuck off.
Man, get off your high horse already, a**wipe. We all make mistakes sometimes.

[cbawlmer]

I like ice cream.

You insensitive b****! You KNOW some of us have eating disorders, and yet you rub our faces in it! In the ice cream that we're not supposed to have!

[Eve]

Well YOU can go join JohnT in Poopyheadville.

Poopyheadville is my home town, you elitist jerk—you gotta problem with that?!

My girlfriend was paralyzed by a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.

Yeah, well my father is a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.

[wolf_meister]

Sure twickster, you can toss around the fancy collateral adjectives just fine, but you seriously need a course in remedial coding.

[cbawlmer]

Yeah, well my father is a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.

I guess that explains your incessant promotion of the Good Humor Agenda, doesn't it?

[JohnT]

Goddamned ice cream gave me a short five-minute headache about a decade ago.

Thanks for bringing up that trauma, you assholes - I was just getting over it. My shrink is going to be so pissed!

[missbunny]

[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder
Pope Benedict XVI is German.[/QUOTE]

And we all know what kind of people the Germans are, don't we. I bet he likes little boys anyway. Maybe you do too, since you're obviously on some kind of crusade on his behalf.

[Draelin]

Yeah, well my father is a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.
My father is a drunk, insensitive clod, so f*** you both.

[JohnT]

And we all know what kind of people the Germans are, don't we. I bet he likes little boys anyway. Maybe you do too, since you're obviously on some kind of crusade on his behalf.

Damnation! This thread can't even get to page 5 w/o some 'tard Godwinizing the thing! What the hell is wrong with you people?

[Happy Lendervedder]

Quote:
Well YOU can go join JohnT in Poopyheadville.



Poopyheadville is my home town, you elitist jerk—you gotta problem with that?!


Quote:
My girlfriend was paralyzed by a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.



Yeah, well my father is a drunk Good Humor man, you insensitive clod.



Huh, my girlfriend's run-in with the drunk Good Humor man took place in Poopyheadville. Image that.

[missbunny]

The so-called "administrators" of this board would do well to get off their lazy butts and make it so that people could modify their posts when they make a coding mistake. It's not like they really do anything here. Just sitting around reading all day - yeah, that's a real tough job. :rolleyes:

-------------------

I like pie.

[Eve]

Damnation! This thread can't even get to page 5 w/o some 'tard Godwinizing the thing! What the hell is wrong with you people?

"You people?" We all know what that's code for. Racist bastard.

My cat's breath smells like cat food!

[Anaamika]

My cat's breath smells like cat food!
You feed him that nasty stuff out of a can? You should feed him only real tuna. I'm reporting your ass to PETA.

[Eve]

Huh, my girlfriend's run-in with the drunk Good Humor man took place in Poopyheadville. Image that.

[Okay, I nearly choked at that one]

[Happy Lendervedder]

Damnation! This thread can't even get to page 5 w/o some 'tard Godwinizing the thing! What the hell is wrong with you people?


So blinded by rage he fails to notice the jackboots on his own feet.





Who here likes the beach?

[missbunny]

Damnation! This thread can't even get to page 5 w/o some 'tard Godwinizing the thing! What the hell is wrong with you people?

That's the second time someone has lumped me in with "you people"! (By the way, the other time was from Eve, your secret girlfriend over there in Poopyheadville. Imagine that.)

I am not "you people." I don't appreciate the racist implication. Mods, I request that JohnT be permanently banned.

[Eve]

Who here likes the beach?

Vhat deed ju call me?! Bestard.

[Anne Neville]

XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent!

My snack tastes good.

I'm having tacos for dinner!

lettuce, sour cream, beef, and cheddar cheese... I'm gonna fry me and my family up some chicken tonight.

I like ice cream.

Do you f***ing c***s always have to talk about food?! You're sabotaging my diet! And then when my diet fails, you'll say I'm fat because I have no willpower and I'm a bad person, yada, yada. I could maybe stick to my diet if people didn't F***ING TALK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE F***ING TIME!

Tomorrow will be September 1.

[JohnT]

"You people?" We all know what that's code for. Racist bastard.

My cat's breath smells like cat food!

Racist? Can't you even read? I'm talking about tards.

[JohnT]

Do you f***ing c***s always have to talk about food?! You're sabotaging my diet! And then when my diet fails, you'll say I'm fat because I have no willpower and I'm a bad person, yada, yada. I could maybe stick to my diet if people didn't F***ING TALK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE F***ING TIME!

Tomorrow will be September 1.

What? You can't even wait until August is over before you start rushing her out the door for that new flavor of the month "September"?

You hedonist! You slut! You... Good Humor driver! :mad:

[kunilou]

I'm having tacos for dinner!

Do you mean you're having that ersatz, fried goo of fatty hamburger and preservative-enhanced "vegetables" they sell at the local fast food joint, or are you trying to make a recipe you found in a cookbook? Cooking for yourself by ripping off a subsistence meal for impoverished natives -- I suppose that's to indicate your solidarity with the poor. I have news for you seven-percent-of-the-population-but-sixty-percent-of-the-resources spoiled babies. Tomorrow you can go back to raping and pillaging the earth to fill the pockets of corporate farmers while you fill your cholesterol-laden arteries, but those impoverished natives are STILL going to be scraping together subsistence meals...

<SNIP>

...and yet millions of people in your own country are "free" to go without basic health care because they can't afford to see a doctor and your ruling classes think decent health care is some form of socialized medicine while Bush and his fat cat cronies...

<SNIP>

...enlightened policy toward mass transit instead of sitting in your SUV for two hours each way to work in your sterile air conditioned offices ignoring the effects on the environment and even your own pocketbooks...

<SNIP>

... deserve what you get after your own President was caught having sex in his office. His successor, the cowboy, needed his own brother to steal the election...

<SNIP>

...culture of mindless violence as seen in your movies which don't even have intelligent dialog, as that would make them harder to export around the world and further line the pockets...

<SNIP>

...not worth the US$14.95 to subscribe so I'll just say thank you for the 30-day trail membership but this site really doesn't interest me after all.

[The Weird One]

Tomorrow will be September 1.
Must every discussion in America come back to September 11? Dear Og, people, give it a rest already!

[Biotop]

[Okay, I nearly choked at that one]


Please don't exaggerate. This board is supposed to be about fighting ignorance.

Many of can laugh. Do laugh. These laughs can be mere giggles, effusive chuckles, or even outrageous guffaws. I know of no instance where laughing actually lead to any kind of choking, and I've searched the internet for at least three minutes.

So I'm left to assume you are either deliberately telling lies for effect, or you were eating/drinking and posting at the same time. In that latter case the "humorous" remark was not the cause of your supposed near-choking. It was your extreme carelessness.

[Askia]

What? You can't even wait until August is over before you start rushing her out the door for that new flavor of the month "September"?

You hedonist! You slut! You... Good Humor driver! :mad: I identify as a "Her?"

Y'know-- I've read post after post of this stupid, peabrained thread and THIS honks me off more than everyone else's worthless, crappy opinions. I'd expect that kind of revisionist femiNazi crap from the shopping-addled women around here, JohnT. But you? The hell kind of man are you, you pantywaist creep? I'll bet you've named your sons April, May and June.

That said, I gotta say, I really like polka.

[cbawlmer]

Do you f***ing c***s always have to talk about food?! You're sabotaging my diet! And then when my diet fails, you'll say I'm fat because I have no willpower and I'm a bad person, yada, yada. I could maybe stick to my diet if people didn't F***ING TALK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE F***ING TIME!


I made this same point up in post #109, except with more brevity and less swearing. Next time read the whole thread before posting in it, butthead.

[Draelin]

I made this same point up in post #109, except with more brevity and less swearing. Next time read the whole thread before posting in it, butthead.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she was agreeing with you and supporting your viewpoint? No, of course not. You got so excited about the opportunity to call someone a butthead that elementary reasoning completely eluded you.

Asshat.

[Biotop]

I made this same point up in post #109, except with more brevity and less swearing. Next time read the whole thread before posting in it, butthead.


If your pathetic bleating was typical of the rest of the thread, it would be no wonder she didn't read it all.






2+2=4

[cbawlmer]

Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she was agreeing with you and supporting your viewpoint? No, of course not. You got so excited about the opportunity to call someone a butthead that elementary reasoning completely eluded you.

Asshat.

Yeah, well...so's your face!

*********************

You know what? Only three things come from Oklahoma: steers, queers, and ultra right wing Christian Fundamentalist Republicans.

[Draelin]

Yeah, well...so's your face!
*commences searching for napkins with which to clean soda off monitor*
2+2=4
Sure, completely leave out all the binary and hexadecimal people just because you don't happen to agree. Fascist.

[Ponder Stibbons]

You know what? Only three things come from Oklahoma: steers, queers, and ultra right wing Christian Fundamentalist Republicans.
Hey, I'm from Oklahoma and I'll have you know ... well ... damnit, I'll think of something!

[OrangeJumpsuit]

"Teh"? Teh?? Are you dyslexic or a hacker? Man. :mad: :smack: :mad:

I happen to be a dyslexic hacker. I'm sorry, are these supposed to be insults? Wow, you really are judgmental of people with learning disorders, aren't you? Try living with dyslexia for one day, then go throwing the term around like it's some sort of an insult. And what are hackers supposed to do with their free time? Make friends? Now you're just being silly.

[cbawlmer]

Hey, I'm from Oklahoma and I'll have you know ... well ... damnit, I'll think of something!

Yeah, why don't you look it up in the Bible since you clearly can't think for yourself!

[cbawlmer]

*commences searching for napkins with which to clean soda off monitor*

You should be thanking me for that, BTW. Soda will KILL YOU. It's full of horrible poisons that turn into formaldehyde when they enter your bloodstream.

Except Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper. Like mother's milk, I tell you.

[Ponder Stibbons]

Yeah, why don't you look it up in the Bible since you clearly can't think for yourself!
Because I lost my Bible last week and I've been devastated and morally adift ever since. My life is in a shambles and you dare make fun of my situation?

Well, screw you you ass muffin fuckwad mcnugget!!!

[5que]

What the hell is it with you people and the teeny-tiny typefaces? Tryimg to make us all go goddam blind or something, just to be cute?
You damn masterbaters! That's why you can't read small print! And you're always pushing the masterbation agenda to our children.

Oh, and to everyone else:

Clinton got a blow job!

Is that big enough for your Onanistic eyes, Eve?

[pinkfreud]

You damn masterbaters! That's why you can't read small print! And you're always pushing the masterbation agenda to our children.Yeah, but even using just one hand on the keyboard, we self-abusers can still spell 'masturbation' properly.

[5que]

Yeah, but even using just one hand on the keyboard, we self-abusers can still spell 'masturbation' properly.
See post #17, you insensitive s**t.

[Biotop]

Except Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper. Like mother's milk, I tell you.


Is there really anything as over-rated as mother's milk? What about our lactose-intolerant infants? Frankly, mother's milk is so valued simply because fathers can't make milk. Well sorry. Men can only do so much.

Mother's milk. Sigh. I'm tired of beating my head aginst a brick wall. And you wonder why fathers don't feel comfortable here? What's the point. You've all decided how you feel. Dang. I'm sorry. I've had enough. I'm leaving this thread until I post in it again.

[Brynda]

All this talk about food, it is no wonder you are all fat. All you need is willpower. It's easy.

[pinkfreud]

See post #17, you insensitive s**t.I'd give you the finger, but I'm using it right now.

[MsRobyn]

Tomorrow will be September 1.

Great. Thanks for reminding me of the coming onslaught of football half-time shows, local parades, and constant TV specials all "paying tribute" to 9/11. A special "fuck you" for reminding me that Bush will probably speak and trot out his old, tired cliches, lies, half-truths and excuses for why we're still in Iraq.

Yeah, thanks, buddy.

Robin

[cbawlmer]

Frankly, mother's milk is so valued simply because fathers can't make milk. Well sorry. Men can only do so much.

Yeah, I imagine starting wars, desroying the environment, oppressing people and watching sports can be very time-consuming.

[rayh]

All this talk about food, it is no wonder you are all fat. All you need is willpower. It's easy.

Fat?? F***in' Fat???? I have a glandular conditon or diabetes or something. It's not that I eat too much. I bet you go around calling cripples freak too? You BITCH.

It rained today.

[Anne Neville]

Sure, completely leave out all the binary and hexadecimal people just because you don't happen to agree. Fascist.

2 + 2 is 4 in hexadecimal, you brainless slut. Why don't you LEARN how different bases actually WORK before you go off accusing people of being biased against them?

Geez, is the American educational system that bad, that I have to teach everybody basic arithmetic now? When I was your age, we learned hexadecimal math in first grade, and wrote our own operating systems in second! And we had to build the computer to run the operating system out of transistors! And we LIKED it, too! Not like you lazy punks with your Microsoft Windows and your X-Boxes.

[rayh]

2 + 2 is 4 in hexadecimal, you brainless slut. Why don't you LEARN how different bases actually WORK before you go off accusing people of being biased against them?

Geez, is the American educational system that bad, that I have to teach everybody basic arithmetic now? When I was your age, we learned hexadecimal math in first grade, and wrote our own operating systems in second! And we had to build the computer to run the operating system out of transistors! And we LIKED it, too! Not like you lazy punks with your Microsoft Windows and your X-Boxes.

Yeah sure, and what about Octel? Just because 2+2=4 in octel you think you can forget about it. Fascist.

Transistors? F***ing transistors???? I remeber when we had to use valves, and they used to blow up every 2 seconds. You are your lazy-assed transistors. GET A LIFE!

[Ponder Stibbons]

See post #17, you insensitive s**t.
Crap. You mean I have to go all the way back to page 1 and find post #17 just to figure out what the hell you're talking about? Screw that! And screw you, too!

[Anne Neville]

[wipes away tears of laughter]

This is a great thread, Eve!

I thought this was especially funny:

F**k no! I fart in your general direction! I wave my private parts at your aunties!

:D

I'm wearing sandals with white socks.

[norinew]

I'm wearing sandals with white socks.
Asswipes with no fashion sense should be locked up in their houses all day instead of being allowed out in the world to offend those of us that actually put some effort into their appearance.

Bitch.



I just had spaghetti for dinner, and boy was it tasty!

[Askia]

If by spaghetti you mean "some stranger's cock" and dinner you mean "crack money", and tasty "spent quickly" then I believe you, you worthless crack whore.


That said, I really like polka.

[Anne Neville]

Yeah sure, and what about Octel? Just because 2+2=4 in octel you think you can forget about it. Fascist.

It's octAl, you idiot. The administrators should give everyone a spelling test before allowing them to post.

Asswipes with no fashion sense should be locked up in their houses all day

I don't have a house, you insensitive clod! Real estate prices are so high here, I doubt I could afford to own a cardboard box under the freeway! Why do you hate Californians?

I really like polka.

Isn't that what drunken hick cheeseheads play at their wedding receptions?

My mouse broke last week, and I had to get a new one.

[silenus]

That said, I really like polka.

Cite?


Twat.

[Anaamika]

My mouse broke last week, and I had to get a new one.
:eek: You cruel heartless bastard. You broke your pet mouse??? People like you deserve to be shot. :mad:

[Biotop]

That said, I really like polka.


I can't ignore this again, much as I'd like to. I don't really like polka. Not at all. Please let the pro-Bohemian dance crowd understand we don't want to hear about this anymore. I don't even like polka dots. Can you say boring? Guess you really like watching paint dry as well. And why do all these dance names have to end in "a" anyway? Grr!

[Askia]

My mouse broke last week, and I had to get a new one. Mouse is an odd name for a two entry dildo.
Cite? Twat. You want me to cite you've seen a twat, have a twat or know what to do with a twat? The answer to all three is, "Probrably not." I can't ignore this again, much as I'd like to. My comment and your breath. Yuck.

In addition to polka, I enjoy rap.

[Anne Neville]

Mouse is an odd name for a two entry dildo.

Oh? What have you named yours?

[Helen's Eidolon]

silenus, you're not allowed swearing in MPSIMS. You could get a warning for that.

By the by, what does that red triangular icon do?

[Askia]

Oh? What have you named yours? "Anne Neville."

(But that was good!)

[rayh]

silenus, you're not allowed swearing in MPSIMS. You could get a warning for that.

By the by, what does that red triangular icon do?

There's mice being killed here and all you can talk about is icons? Heartless b*****d.

Askia, you missed the 'c' off rap.

[Askia]

rayh, the list of things you're missing would start with "clean underwear," end with "work" and have "teeth" somewhere in the middle.

Did I mention I'm a little overweight? I'm thinking of going on a diet.

[rayh]

rayh, the list of things you're missing would start with "clean underwear," end with "work" and have "teeth" somewhere in the middle.

Did I mention I'm a little overweight? I'm thinking of going on a diet.

Whilst all this is unfortunately true (really), you elitist p***k, just because you've got a job and can afford laundry and proper dental care.

We've done the overeating, you fat t**t.

[Askia]

We've done the overeating, you fat t**t. Aw. That's what your Mom said when she weaned you.

I like Beyonce and Christina Aguilera.

[Askia]

Tsk. It would seem my scathing wit has killed another thread.

Is there NO ONE on this message board with the strength to challenge me?

[rayh]

Aw. That's what your Mom said when she weaned you.

I like Beyonce and Christina Aguilera.

You leave my mother out of this, you and your slut friends. You don't need a double ended dildo with Beyonce and Christina Aguilera porking your fat ass.

I'm drinking hot chocolate.

[silenus]

Askia, you proclaim yourself to be a wit.

You're half-right.

LaurAnge, find a dictionary before you post. The word you seem to object to means "a hole in a hedge." Some people just have dirty minds. Where do you get of criticising my command of the language? Some of us are trying to learn English, and don't have the Allah-given skills with it the rest of you Western, effete swine enjoy! Pah! I spit in your general direction!

The day is almost over.

[Askia]

I'm drinking hot chocolate. Leave your scat fantasies out of this, you filthy scum.
The day is almost over. Damn. The freaks DO come out at night.

[rayh]

Askia, what you got against freaks? Making disparaging comments against people just because they are different to you.

You are the one with the scat fetish, you are you crap.

You are so [ultimate insult to get me banned]normal[/ultimate insult to get me banned] you make me want to puke.

[wolf_meister]

Geez, I leave this thread for a little while and I miss out on all of this ? Darn !!

silenus
Askia, you proclaim yourself to be a wit.

You're half-right.

Gee, what a clever remark. Where'd you get that line? Did Don Rickles have a yard sale?

[rayh]

Geez, I leave this thread for a little while and I miss out on all of this ? Darn !!

silenus

Gee, what a clever remark. Where'd you get that line? Did Don Rickles have a yard sale?

Stop trying to pretend you have a life saddo.

We could have a battle of wits, but I don't fight an unarmed opponent.

[MsRobyn]

Gee, what a clever remark. Where'd you get that line? Did Don Rickles have a yard sale?

He did, and you were the first one there.

Robin

[Askia]

Askia, what you got against freaks? The lack of professionalism. Most aren't as good as your Mom.
Geez, I leave this thread for a little while and I miss out on all of this ? Darn !! Hey, you're a busy guy, and somebody had to run the meth lab.
He did, and you were the first one there. HEY. At least he paid cash. You paid in food stamps and rim jobs.

I'm barely breaking a sweat here, people.

[Biotop]

I'm barely breaking a sweat here, people.


Tell us something we don't know.

Cheap insults are very annoying to those of us who prefer the skewering barb. I can't tell you how you how offended I am by this example of unoffending offense. But I guess it is time for me to be the one to take the high road.

I think we should all apologize now.

[Eve]

I'm barely breaking a sweat here, people.

Horses sweat. Gentlemen perspire.

[Askia]

But I guess it is time for me to be the one to take the high road. I think we should all apologize now. Fine. I'm sorry you showed up again.
Horses sweat. Gentlemen perspire. Right. And ladies poot.

[rayh]

Askia, what you got against freaks?
The lack of professionalism. Most aren't as good as your Mom.

At least we can let my mom out of the house, unlike yours...



Geez, I leave this thread for a little while and I miss out on all of this ? Darn !!
Hey, you're a busy guy, and somebody had to run the meth lab.

Your order should be ready now.



He did, and you were the first one there.
HEY. At least he paid cash. You paid in food stamps and rim jobs.

At least someone wanted a rim job off her.



I'm barely breaking a sweat here, people.

I wondered what the smell was.

[Tenar]

My grandma just donated her estate to the Pediatric AIDS Foundation!

Christ on a STICK, another a*&^%le whining about someone donating "his" inheritance to a good cause!

By the way, I didn't read the OP or any of the other posts except this one, but if no one has said this yet, you all suck, and if they have said it already, you all suck any way. Mohammed on a SURFBOARD, do you people think I have nothing better to do than to read threads before I post to them? Yeah, right. Like YOU bother to read five pages of s*&t before you put in your .02 cents -- NOT! Buddha in a BLENDER, you people are a bunch of hypocritical asshats. Especially the mods!

[Askia]

At least we can let my mom out of the house, unlike yours... When a bitch is in heat, that's not wise. That's how you came in the world.
Your order should be ready now. Then why are you here? I ordered you DEAD.
At least someone wanted a rim job off her.Oh. So how was it?
I wondered what the smell was. It's called "soap."

[Askia]

Thank you! Thank you all, it's been great, next show's tomorrow night!

You know you love me!

[Fugazi]

Fuck all of you.

(All pit rants have to have the word "fuck" in them. It's the law.)

Jeez, looks like someone had a big bowl of stupid flakes for breakfast. If you can be bothered to drag your eyes up to the top of the page, you'll see that we are in MPSIMS. Guess your 'fuck' was not needed after all.

All that said, the wild card races in both leagues are sure getting exciting. Bud Selig must be a genius. :D

[Happy Lendervedder]

My heart is broken.

[Cervaise]

What the blazes is wrong with some of you dripping cloacas? Can't you follow simple instructions?(*Note since this is not the Pit, please use euphemisms, like f**k or c**t)This is supposed to be a profanity-masked thread, you sphincter-lipped poltroons. Please have each of your two brain cells periodically remind the other that you read this simple guideline in the very first uncle-rubbing post and that it is therefore operational for the duration of the thread. Failure to comply is, dare I say, hardly less than evidence of a total cerebral void, you c*nts.


Apropos of nothing, I flipped a coin and got three tails in a row.

[Anne Neville]

This is a family site, so tales of your bestial experiences are not amusing.

I heard the Mods told your SO the same thing...

Tsk. It would seem my scathing wit has killed another thread.

No, it's just getting late in the US, and those d***ed lazy Kiwi and Aussie Dopers don't hold up their end of the board. Are they too busy doing unspeakable things to the sheep to post, or what?

And another thing, Askia, you say you named your two entry dildo after me? I'm flattered, but that's not what your mom said. She said you named it Pookie, after Garfield's teddy bear, because you're such a fan of that strip.

[wolf_meister]

Oh wow !! I've been assaulted by a series of stunning rapier ripostes. Hey I'm a big kid I can take it.

I think it was Bertrand Russell who put it best when he said,
"I'm rubber, you're glue.
That bounces off me and sticks to you !!!"

(Yeah, I was first in line for the Carrot Top yard sale too.) :D

[Governor Quinn]

I flipped a coin and got three tails in a row.

Whoop-de-do for you, the odds of that happening are merely 1/8th, any rube with time on their hands can do it.

I think I found R2 of Gold Diggers of Broadway in my attic.

[Glassy]

I found a four-leaf clover!

Okay, that's it. This thread has been real nice and all, but when you start belittling my cultural heritage, even unconsciously, I must speak up.

Yes, I'm Irish. What does that mean to you? Four leaf clovers? Fiddle music? Leprechauns and pots of gold and the Blarney Stone? Yeah, real sweet and picturesque, ain't it? Well, let me tell you something: my people have been oppressed for centuries, starved, beaten, spat upon, mocked, murdered. And your chirping about four leaf clovers and the wee folk and all that crap just whitewashes the centuries of agony my people have been forced to endure. It belittles the strength we've needed in order to endure. I hope I've given you something to think about, in your tiny, privileged, Protestant soul.

[Euthanasiast]

I would've been here sooner to lay waste to this thread, but I've been too busy cranking down all of your mothers.

Now...

Hell, now I'm just too tired from all the digging.

I'm going to bed. So please, all of you, kindly shut your cock sockets.

[Biotop]

I'm going to bed.

Insomnia is a very real affliction, and you don't seem to care at all. I just hope your dreams reveal the truth because your waking life seems to be an oblivious fantasyland.

But at least the stars shine bright and beautiful tonight.

[RandMcnally]

We are all winners when we play fairly.

By that, you mean the other team scored more points that you? Friggin loser. Liberals like you are the reason why are children are such pansies. "You're all winners." No they're not. They suck, and they must learn to deal with itl!

[Askia]

And another thing, Askia, you say you named your two entry dildo after me? I'm flattered, but that's not what your mom said. She said you named it Pookie, after Garfield's teddy bear, because you're such a fan of that strip. This annoyed me more than I care to admit.

[rayh]

This annoyed me more than I care to admit.

You still here? Get a life you loser! And a bath!

[Askia]

Says the man who posted three minutes behind me...

[rayh]

Says the man who posted three minutes behind me...

Ok, I was having a bath, sorry it took so long.

[Askia]

Ok, I was having a bath, sorry it took so long. Licking your privates with your tongue is not *really* having a bath.

[Askia]

Shit. That was a bit strong. I haven't had coffee yet. Hard to gauge me crankiness.

[rayh]

Licking your privates with your tongue is not *really* having a bath.

Just because that's how you normally have a bath doesn't mean the rest of us conform to your perverted practices. FFS, I'm normal, I get the dog to do it.


By that, you mean the other team scored more points that you? Friggin loser. Liberals like you are the reason why are children are such pansies. "You're all winners." No they're not. They suck, and they must learn to deal with itl!
I bet you're the kind of guy who beats up little kids when they lose. You just enjoy hurting people who are smaller than you, sadist!


I love Askia.

[Kalhoun]

Being rootin', tootin' Dopers, we can turn anything into fightin' words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?*

1) Flowers smell nice.

2) Puppies are cute.

3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!


(*Note since this is not the Pit, please use euphemisms, like f**k or c**t)
Phuque you.

[Mellivora capensis]

Kalhoun
Phuque you.

<snerk>

[Malacandra]

Shit. That was a bit strong. I haven't had coffee yet. Hard to gauge me crankiness.

"coffee", yeah, right. :dubious: Do not ascribe to substance dependency that which can be adequately explained by your microcephalism.

[plnnr]

Jeez, looks like someone had a big bowl of stupid flakes for breakfast. If you can be bothered to drag your eyes up to the top of the page, you'll see that we are in MPSIMS. Guess your 'fuck' was not needed after all.

All that said, the wild card races in both leagues are sure getting exciting. Bud Selig must be a genius. :D

You want me to read the entire thread? You semen-sucking troglodyte, I"m not reading shit.

[Eve]

I think I found R2 of Gold Diggers of Broadway in my attic.

Oh, great, so that's where the lost reels of Greed and Theda Bara's Cleopatra have been—rotting away up in your goddam attic all these years!! Kee-rist, don't you know anything about the perishability of nitrate? Don't you ever clean out your attic, or is this the first home you've lived in without wheels on it?!

[Malacandra]

Your slur on the travelling community aside, Eve, this twee "artier-than-thou" routine gets old real fast. Dorothy Parker's dead and gone, sweetie, and they make movies in colour now. With sound, already. Deal with it.

[Cartooniverse]

1) Flowers smell nice.

Yeah sure you think they smell nice but the real truth is that you have known all of the years that we have been together that almost all flowers cause me to have thick disgusting mucous running down the back of my throat as soon as I get my first whiff of them and said mucous ruins my day, makes me gag and cough and choke and be generally miserable- all because you decided that flowers would be a nice thing to give to me when we both know that it's a lame stereotypical sop ass-kissing make-up gesture that is so hollow as to have it's own echo. We fought, you lost, you're handing me a Technicolor Allergy Incident to make up. Lame, and lame again.


2) Puppies are cute.

Yes, puppies are cute. Especially with a garlic ginger light soy sauce glaze.


3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!

Usually I wouldn't notice your earrings since your typical office attire can be generously described as "early Trollop". Unless you had already declared that said earrings had somehow both slipped out of their moorings in the flappy dangly area of your earlobes and slipped down the daunting precipice of your decolletage into the hidden crevasse that is your cleavage, I really wouldn't have noticed them at all. Frankly those of us with even a modicum of self-awareness and modesty couldn't really spare the time to remark upon your earrings at all, since we actively make sure our eyes are diverted each and every morning when you storm through the door, cursing yet again about the parking garage attendant and what a pig he is for staring at your body brazenly as he hands you your ticket.

However, today is different. Those are indeed very darling earrings. None of us here in Human Resources had any idea that Piercing Pagoda down at the Galleria was running a special on 10 karat gold earrings in the shape of sand dollars. By gosh, that's a rare find indeed !!

:)

And, in other news, please do not handle the nitrate film by hand. Contact a preservation/restoration company and ask them how best to have it dealt with. The best thing to do would be to contact the AFI or Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and see what they would suggest. Additionally, if you donate said nitrate to them you could well arrange pre-donation to have a Digital Master struck and given to you for your troubles. Since nitrate is insanely dangerous and would disintegrate before you ran a foot through a projector gate, getting a Digital Master might be more than reasonable compensation for donating it to folks who know how to safely handle and digitize said film.

And, god that's so cool.

Cartooniverse

[Malacandra]

2) Puppies are cute.

Yes, puppies are cute. Especially with a garlic ginger light soy sauce glaze.


No, "cute" is not a descriptive term to apply to food, especially those food items thought up by the insanely cruel. When you've seen a few pictures of the terrifying last moments of defenceless dogs in a Chinese food market, you'll be a little less quick with the shining wit, buckeroo. :mad:


"That which is hateful to you, do not do to another."

[rayh]

No, "cute" is not a descriptive term to apply to food, especially those food items thought up by the insanely cruel. When you've seen a few pictures of the terrifying last moments of defenceless dogs in a Chinese food market, you'll be a little less quick with the shining wit, buckeroo. :mad:


Yeah that's right, racial stereotypes already. The Chinese eat dogs. I bet you think they are all slanty-eyed yellow devils as well.


"That which is hateful to you, do not do to another."

Hate speech is not allowed on these boards.

[The Weird One]

Eve! How dare you start a thread this funny, when people in Louisiana and Mississippi have lost everything!!!! We should be focusing all our energy on feeling sorry for them, not laughing at your hilarious thread! :mad:

[Malacandra]

Yeah that's right, racial stereotypes already. The Chinese eat dogs. I bet you think they are all slanty-eyed yellow devils as well.


Bah. The Chinese do eat dogs. Do all Chinese eat dogs? Hasty generalisation fallacy, c*ntw*d. Excuse me for assuming my audience was smart enough to know that.

Hate speech is not allowed on these boards.

In that case, I can't say how I feel about you. :mad:

[SkipMagic]

I have to admit, this thread has gone a lot better than I originally feared it might. Very funny.

That said, however, I just want to remind everyone that this thread is for fun, so don't be dragging in any personal attacks. Intended as jest or not, personal insults get people riled-up, and turn a fun thread sour. Remember to keep your posts in spirit of the OP.

Now carry on and enjoy yourselves.

(If you can find enjoyment in such a maelstrom of whines, that is.)

[Anaamika]

I have to admit, this thread has gone a lot better than I originally feared it might. Very funny.

That said, however, I just want to remind everyone that this thread is for fun, so don't be dragging in any personal attacks. Intended as jest or not, personal insults get people riled-up, and turn a fun thread sour. Remember to keep your posts in spirit of the OP.

Now carry on and enjoy yourselves.

(If you can find enjoyment in such a maelstrom of whines, that is.)
You're so f***ing TWEE!

[plnnr]

I bet you think they are all slanty-eyed yellow devils as well.


The ways of the East are truly inscrutable.

[Malacandra]

Hate speech is not allowed on these boards.

Junior-mod much? :dubious:

[Ponder Stibbons]

(If you can find enjoyment in such a maelstrom of whines, that is.)
Damn hypocritical jack-booted nazi twee mod ... grumble grumble ...

[rayh]

I have to admit, this thread has gone a lot better than I originally feared it might. Very funny.

That said, however, I just want to remind everyone that this thread is for fun, so don't be dragging in any personal attacks. Intended as jest or not, personal insults get people riled-up, and turn a fun thread sour. Remember to keep your posts in spirit of the OP.

Now carry on and enjoy yourselves.

(If you can find enjoyment in such a maelstrom of whines, that is.)

What that directed at me? G-d you make me so F***ING ANGRY. As if you've never whined on these boards.

:rolleyes:

[rayh]

Junior-mod much? :dubious:

Damn that hurt.

[Malacandra]

Damn that hurt.

Your snivelling about being hurt is an insult to literally millions of people suffering with terminal cancer, you whiny self-obsessed pantywaist.

n+1) Live and let live.

[rayh]

Your snivelling about being hurt is an insult to literally millions of people suffering with terminal cancer, you whiny self-obsessed pantywaist.

You berate me for snivelling about being hurt when there are people suffering with terminal cancer, then you post this :-

Live and let live.

Hypocrisy much?

[Biotop]

Intended as jest or not, personal insults get people riled-up, and turn a fun thread sour.


My uncle works at a candy company making sour gumballs. Every day is a struggle. It's not enough that he has to deal with this awful economy. The cost of shipping little lemonballs is so expensive now what with the gas prices going up and up and up. New regulations mean the little clear plastic that wraps the candies has to be "non-leeching", but the new plastic comes loose from the little twisted ends and the candies fall unwrapped into the larger containiner bag. When that happens no one buys them and the candies are returned as "defective". Dentists are a constant problem, brazenly overestimating the danger of sourballs to children's tooth health (overstimating to line their own pockets, I might add). Furthermore, the competition from cheaply produced sour balls from Asia means no one makes any money and my uncle hasn't gotten a raise in years. And chocolate. Nowadays everyone wants chocolate. Even white chocolate is seeing a boom. And chocolate is actually good for you. Haven't you heard? Sheesh.

Now, as American companies continue to struggle and fail in sourball production, YOU go and make another thoughtless comment. Sour is not bad. Got that? Sour is not bad! Sour is putting food on someone's table tonight. Please be a bit more responsible in your position of authority.

[Spatial Rift 47]

n+1) Live and let live.


Are you serious? Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Surely a board such as the SDMB would be above such discrimination. How DARE you slight the memory of our brave warriors, fallen in combat defending the country they loved so that you, you sniveling twit, would have the freedom to come on these boards and say whatever you want, even if it is absolute drivel like that. Did it not occur to you, you festering snot pile, that those people are now DEAD? And did it also not occur to you that being dead has not, at least not for us normal, intelligent people, been any barrier to their being loved and remembered? Honestly, I've had quite enough of this anti-dead bigotry. You. make. me. sick.

[Askia]

Man. Gas prices are $3.49 for premium, up thirty cents from last night.

[silenus]

Man. Gas prices are $3.49 for premium, up thirty cents from last night.

That's what you get for driving an SUV! People like you are driving us headlong into global warming. You and your Hummers and Escalades. Never even get off the highways, do you? Bah! Buncha commie soccer-moms, wanting to be trendy.

(Side note: Askia, remind me to never play the Dozens with you for real. You are wicked sharp, dude! :D )



My breakfast burrito was yummy.

[MsRobyn]

Man. Gas prices are $3.49 for premium, up thirty cents from last night.

You are an elitist pig, Askia. Have you no sensitivity for the millions of hardworking poor slobs people who can't afford premium, but who are instead forced to pay through the nose for what you think is an inferior product? Are you going to bitch about the price of beluga caviar, too? Hmmm?

Robin

[Malacandra]

Man. Gas prices are $3.49 for premium, up thirty cents from last night.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you septics don't know from expensive gas. Aside from the questionable sense of priorities displayed in kvetching about this when New Orleans is lying in ruins and being looted of everything remotely portable. Spoiled little ::checks the prissy mod's warning about personal insults ::

That fire engine outside my window sure is loud, btw!

[MsRobyn]

That fire engine outside my window sure is loud, btw!

Yeah. Make fun of deaf people, whydontcha?

Robin, who takes back the "elitist pig" remark.

[Askia]

silenus. There are starving, homeless people in New Orleans eating DVDs of "Good Burger" because that's the closest thing they can get to eaing meat without resorting to cannibalism and you have the gall to gloat about eating actual eggs? You. Ass.

MsRobyn. Don't "hmmmm" me unless you're on your knees with a slobbery mouthful.

Malacandra. Don't sleep in your car, bitch.

[norinew]

That fire engine outside my window sure is loud, btw!
Oh, yeah, great! One of your neighbors (whom the Bible advises you to love as you love yourself) has bad enough problems that they need a fire engine, and all you can do is whine about it being loud! Why don't you get a great big step ladder, get over yourself, then get out there and see if maybe you can offer some damned help?? Selfish oaf!

[Malacandra]

Malacandra. Don't sleep in your car, bitch.

I don't make a habit of it, what with having a steady job and a roof over my head. Do you usually call guys "bitch" or is this some kind of patois that I'm just too educated to "get"? :rolleyes:

n + 2) Being gay is not a choice.

[Malacandra]

Oh, yeah, great! One of your neighbors (whom the Bible advises you to love as you love yourself) has bad enough problems that they need a fire engine, and all you can do is whine about it being loud! Why don't you get a great big step ladder, get over yourself, then get out there and see if maybe you can offer some damned help?? Selfish oaf!

I don't need a great big stepladder to get over myself, but I hear where the council has had to put diversion signs around your useless fat ass. :p

[Askia]

n + 2) Being gay is not a choice. ... and don't think gay people everywhere aren't GRATEFUL you're not on the team.

I saw Hustle and Flow yesterday. Pimpin' ain't easy.

[5que]

<snip> Blah, Blah, Blah <snip>(edited)

Everybody,

Get Him!!

Or her. Or it. You can never tell with the weirdos on this board. I don't know why I even associate with you people.

[Askia]

Or her. Or it. You can never tell with the weirdos on this board. I don't know why I even associate with you people. Speraking of which, why is your IP number registered to "M. Jackson?" And why do all these pop-ups from 'ShavedThaiBoys.com' keep popping up on your screen?

[Happy Lendervedder]

... and don't think gay people everywhere aren't GRATEFUL you're not on the team.

I saw Hustle and Flow yesterday. Pimpin' ain't easy.


Yeah, let's glorify the objectification, abuse, and sale of women with some lame-o glib remark, just so you can feel like you're all 'hip-hop' and 'street.' You, sir, make me ill.



Oh man, I love the smell of freshly-cut grass.

[Askia]

Oh man, I love the smell of freshly-cut grass. Sorry? What? Fresh-cut ass?

Mine is eight inches.

[silenus]

Sorry? What? Fresh-cut ass?

Mine is eight inches.

I'm sure you a much bigger ass than that! Eight feet maybe.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

[Malacandra]

Oh man, I love the smell of freshly-cut grass.

Sez you. Doncha know it's a gateway drug, besides which it f***s up your short-term memory?

I saw Hustle and Flow yesterday. Pimpin' ain't easy.

Whaddayawant, I should commend your sense of professional commitment?

[Annie-Xmas]

That's the most racist thing I've seen all day, you stereotype perpetuator!

And honestly, this thread marks the first time I've ever seen anyone suggest a person could gain "cultural superiority" through the viewing of an Andrew Lloyd Webber production.

Sheesh! The post was about the "cultural superiority" of the lyrics. "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" was written by Tim Rice, one of the best lyricists every. I mean, he was the one who came up with the idea for the show. Whoever would have thought of doing a musical about Eva Peron? Certainly not Andrew Lloyd Webber. He was trying to do one about CATS.

Show Tim Rice some respect for his cultural superiority.

[Askia]

(Not bad, silenus.)

If the next words you type are, "Would you be mine?" I'm suing your ass for sexual harassment.

I'm reading the Dragonriders of Pern ominibus by Anne McCaffery.

[Anaamika]

I'm reading the Dragonriders of Pern ominibus by Anne McCaffery.Figures - your head's always in the clouds anyway.

[Askia]

Whaddayawant, I should commend your sense of professional commitment? Beats your amateur commitment to pimping. I were you I'd quit doing to that to my Mom.

[Malacandra]

I'm reading the Dragonriders of Pern ominibus by Anne McCaffery.

Is it as good as the Dragonriders of Pern omnibus by Anne McCaffrey?

[Askia]

Figures - your head's always in the clouds anyway. What's that sound effect when a joke chokes and dies? Womp womp womp...

I wish I could type faster.

[rayh]

Sorry? What? Fresh-cut ass?

Mine is eight inches.

Askia, don't be modest, you are a much bigger tool than that.

[Malacandra]

Beats your amateur commitment to pimping. I were you I'd quit doing to that to my Mom.

I'm amazed anyone did anything to your Mom, including your Dad. Was coercion involved?

[Askia]

Askia, don't be modest, you are a much bigger tool than that. No, no. That's I possess a much bigger tool. It's called a Big Johnson. You own a T-shirt! Well, yours says, "Training Jock" but still...
I'm amazed anyone did anything to your Mom, including your Dad. Was coercion involved? To be fair, Malacandra, you've been amazed by indoor plumbing.

[Malacandra]

To be fair, Malacandra, you've been amazed by indoor plumbing.

Sez the guy who loses arguments with a handful of cress grown on a damp flannel.

[Askia]

Sez the guy who loses arguments with a handful of cress grown on a damp flannel. Speak AMERICAN. Bad enough we had to bail you people out of WWII, I don't need you sharing your wanking terminology.