Mini rants

[Anne Neville]

Bitch here about things that don't really deserve their own Pit rant. This thread is for the people in this thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=333678) who are quitting smoking, or for anyone else who wants to rant about something small. It's OK if your rant is shallow and/or petty.

Women's pants, dresses, and skirts with no pockets I'm sure some fashionista will justify them by saying "they have a nicer line" or some such bullshit. For one, I prefer that my pants or skirts not make it quite so obvious what the actual size of my ass is. A girl should have some mystery about her, after all. And furthermore, women are allowed to drive now, and a lot of us carry cell phones. It's damned inconvenient to have to fish around in our purses for our keys and cell phones.

Allergy attacks that happen for no apparent reason I had a nasty one last night. I don't think I did anything much different than I do on a normal night, but for some reason my nose was running like a faucet all evening, which it normally does not do. It's summer, it hasn't rained for a couple of months, and everything that gives me allergies is supposed to be fucking dead by now. Why the hell am I still getting allergy attacks?

Traffic lights in my town Why are they timed such that, when I'm in a hurry, I'm going to hit every damn one of them red?

Today's Dilbert strip (http://www.dilbert.com/) It was sexist and not funny, and I say that as someone who gets some guilty pleasure from a good man-bashing or woman-bashing joke.

For Better or for Worse Why did Lynn Johnston have to drop the story arc with Elizabeth and Anthony just when it was getting interesting?

[Anaamika]

Man, my friend, the first two pits on your list were mine, particularly the allergy one. Oh well, here's more:

People who drive 40 in a 55 zone for no reason. Why? Whyyyyyyy? You're not old, your car doesn't have its blinkers on, and there's no one ahead of you!

The fact that our office is so cold. Yesterday, the temp indoors was at 59 degrees F. :mad:

People who stop in their cars in the middle of the road. Went to downtown Albany today, reluctantly, and one person stopped to chat with someone, one person stopped to double-park, and I'm not sure about the third.

Insomnia. Kept me up until 5 AM on Tuesday night. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Gangster Octopus]

Groups of three or more people who decide doorways and hallways are the best places to have a chat.

[DiosaBellissima]

Mini-work rants:

I hate when someone calls and asks for someone who isn't here. I then ask if I can take a message. They say, "Uhhh... does he have a voicemail?" Now buddy, would I have asked to take a message if he did? And what? Do you think I am incapable of telling him that his motorcycle is ready? Jeez.

Or

When some person calls to speak to the person who is out. I nicely say, "He isn't here right now, but I'll give him the message and he will give you a call as soon as he is in." Then she says, "WELL, doesn't he have a cell phone?" Well yes, he does. But I'm not giving that number to you, you stupid, impatient bitch. What you need isn't that friggin' important anyway, waiting an hour wont hurt anything. She then went on to ask if I could "give him a ring a ling" to get an answer. I said no. She asked why. "Because it is his lunch hour and, on top of that, he is on his motorcycle so it isn't like he'll hear the phone, much less be able to answer it."

"Well, just wait until you think he is at a stop light and then call." :smack:

[Dead Badger]

If any one of you fuckers says Shaun Tait has a "slingy action" again, I will go out in the streets and hurt a little old lady, so help me God.

Same goes for "nice one Warney", "baaaaaaahhld, Shaney" and any variation thereof.

[OrangeJumpsuit]

People who drive 40 in a 55 zone for no reason. Why? Whyyyyyyy? You're not old, your car doesn't have its blinkers on, and there's no one ahead of you!

Once I am dictator, slow drivers will be executed.

There should also be a separate line for dumb asses at the store. Some stupid idiot at Savon (I like saying 'stupid idiot' for its redundancy) took all year asking for discounts on Diet Coke. Just buy the fucking soda, lady, and get out! Shit, if you don't have the coupon or left it at home, shut the fuck up already and move on without it. Jeezus.

[tdn]

She's not in her office. She obviously hasn't picked up the phone yet. If you let it ring for yet another hour, I will punch you.

[Anaamika]

Oh, tdn reminded me of another. *waves* Hi, tdn!


I do not read minds. She didn't tell me how long she was going to be on the conference call, or when exactly she's coming back from her meeting, or what she thinks about something. Don't ask me.

[Anne Neville]

People who drive 40 in a 55 zone for no reason. Why? Whyyyyyyy? You're not old, your car doesn't have its blinkers on, and there's no one ahead of you!

I think they've been hosting a world convention of those people for the past few weeks somewhere in the 680 corridor... :mad: It's even worse when they do it in any lane other than the far right.

There should also be a separate line for dumb asses at the store.

This should be the only line that accepts checks. As it is now, I think I have a sign on my forehead saying "check-writing dumbasses get in front of me in line, please". For the past 15 or so years, there have been these things called ATM cards. If you can write checks from a bank, you can get one of these cards and use it like a normal person, and not make everybody wait while you write a check like a dumbass.

More mini-rants:

People having long, loud discussions in the hallway while I'm trying to concentrate Get an office, morons.

Split ends

My neck muscles Why must they tense up when I'm stressed and make my neck hurt? What the hell good would it do me in an actual emergency to have a stiff neck and stiff shoulders?

[Frank]

This should be the only line that accepts checks. As it is now, I think I have a sign on my forehead saying "check-writing dumbasses get in front of me in line, please". For the past 15 or so years, there have been these things called ATM cards. If you can write checks from a bank, you can get one of these cards and use it like a normal person, and not make everybody wait while you write a check like a dumbass.
Assholes who get bent out of shape about people who use perfectly acceptable normal methods of payment, and in addition, don't know the difference between an ATM card and a debit card.

[Notorious Nik]

Mini-work rants:

I hate when someone calls and asks for someone who isn't here. I then ask if I can take a message. They say, "Uhhh... does he have a voicemail?" Now buddy, would I have asked to take a message if he did?


Thank god, I'm not the only one who understands this. There are few things that piss me off more in this office than people asking for voicemail after I've asked to take a message. The worst part is, some of these addle brain nitwits actually sound disapointed that there is no voicemail!!!!! Because it sucks so much to leave a message with a live human being. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

[Try As I Might...]

I think they've been hosting a world convention of those people for the past few weeks somewhere in the 680 corridor... :mad: It's even worse when they do it in any lane other than the far right.

My biggest mini rant is along the same lines as the slow driver:
The damn slow fascist drivers. You go to pass them on the left and they pull right out in front of you and make you slam your brakes--especially when the street is claer and there is NO REASON for the other car to switch lanes. AAAURGH! What is worng with you!?! Why do you have to impose your slow driving agenda on the rest of the world!?

[jacquilynne]

What's the difference between an ATM card and a debit card?

Mine are the same card.

[Anaamika]

This should be the only line that accepts checks. As it is now, I think I have a sign on my forehead saying "check-writing dumbasses get in front of me in line, please". For the past 15 or so years, there have been these things called ATM cards. If you can write checks from a bank, you can get one of these cards and use it like a normal person, and not make everybody wait while you write a check like a dumbass.

And even if you have to, why do you wait until you're at the front of the line to go digging for your checkbook, and a pen? Did you not know you had to pay? This drives me batty.

[jacquilynne]

The worst part is, some of these addle brain nitwits actually sound disapointed that there is no voicemail!!!!! Because it sucks so much to leave a message with a live human being. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Because live human beings make mistakes.

Because live human beings don't like to listen to me talk for 2 minutes while they try to record the details, and voicemail doesn't care.

Because messages are often personal, and live human beings who are not the live human being intended to receive them have no particular right to know the content of them.

[Dung Beetle]

People who drive 40 in a 55 zone for no reason. Why? Whyyyyyyy? You're not old, your car doesn't have its blinkers on, and there's no one ahead of you!


I was discussing this with my fiancé today! We're convinced that there is some kind of conspiracy afoot and these people are on a mission to obstruct traffic. Only we can't figure out who's paying them or what their motive is.

[Dung Beetle]

Because live human beings make mistakes.

Because live human beings don't like to listen to me talk for 2 minutes while they try to record the details, and voicemail doesn't care.

Because messages are often personal, and live human beings who are not the live human being intended to receive them have no particular right to know the content of them.
The caller's name and number is usually sufficient.

[Notorious Nik]

What's the difference between an ATM card and a debit card?

Mine are the same card.


In the days BD (before Debit) an ATM card was just that. You could only use it as at an ATM. A debit card can be used as an ATM card, as well as at most stores to buy things. Kind of like a credit card, but it takes the money right out of your checking acount.


And on preview, jacquilynne, why are you talking for two minutes? Why can't you give me just the details yourself. I imagine most people don't like having to sit through a two minute voicemail either. And if it's personal, say "I'd rather not leave a message, it's personal. But can you please have so and so call me at-----" Is that so hard? Or as Dung Beetle suggested, just leave a name and number. Problem solved.

[Anaamika]

Nik, and Diossa, I also don't like to leave messages with people. Why? Well, for all of the reasons above, but also because I don't have to just leave my name and number on voicemail. I hate doing that. I like to leave a brief and to-the-point message saying

Who I am
What I want
How soon I need the info

That way Dude who I am calling can find the answer before he calls me back! I also like it better for me. I hate calls like, "Julie called, call her back." I want to know why.

[Dung Beetle]

That way Dude who I am calling can find the answer before he calls me back! I also like it better for me. I hate calls like, "Julie called, call her back." I want to know why.
Good point, but it would be great if people would say, "This is such-and-such. Will you have him call me at 123-4567? It's about blah-blah (or just, it's really important that I talk to him before two.)" Or even, "What would be a better time for me to reach him?"

[vetbridge]

Women's pants, dresses, and skirts with no pockets I'm sure some fashionista will justify them by saying "they have a nicer line"

hehehe.
My gf has a very nice behind. (and front and sides) She cut the pockets (liner) out of a pair of very snug pants to make them look better. As we were walking, I innocently slid my hand into her back pocket. What a pleasant surprise. :D

[tdn]

Oh, tdn reminded me of another. *waves* Hi, tdn!
Hey, babycakes!

Toilet paper dispensers in public restrooms. Why design these things like a fucking puzzle box that dispenses only a half sheet at a time? Is it part of some conspiracy to make every stall in the world resemble a giant hamster cage?

[Anaamika]

Good point, but it would be great if people would say, "This is such-and-such. Will you have him call me at 123-4567? It's about blah-blah (or just, it's really important that I talk to him before two.)" Or even, "What would be a better time for me to reach him?"
But I don't want to, because this is how it will go:

"Have him call me at such a time."
He calls back.
"Do you know about <thing>?"
Him: "Not yet. Let me call you back." :smack:

[jacquilynne]

In the days BD (before Debit) an ATM card was just that. You could only use it as at an ATM. A debit card can be used as an ATM card, as well as at most stores to buy things. Kind of like a credit card, but it takes the money right out of your checking acount.

Err, I know what an ATM is, and I know how debit works. My point is that, at least here in Canada, the two have always been the same card. The cards which were our ATM cards before Interac came into our lives magically became debit cards when debit started. Someone got called an asshole for not knowing the difference between two things, when in my experience, there is no difference.


And on preview, jacquilynne, why are you talking for two minutes? Why can't you give me just the details yourself. I imagine most people don't like having to sit through a two minute voicemail either.

Depends on the person and the context. If I'm calling a friend I expect to eventually be able to reach in person 'It's Jacquilynne, calling about dinner on Friday, 416 398 ####' is fine. But I'm rarely available to answer the phone during working hours, and that's true of many of the people I work with, as well. If we need something done that can be described in a minute or two, it's easier to just leave it on voice mail than to spend hours or days playing telephone tag. 'Please update the WWCOA and send it to Jim at the COC, because he needs to set up CFT for the UAT on CMI' might be a perfectly comprehensable message to someone I'm calling, but not to someone who is simply recording a message for someone else.

In reality, these days, we use email for most of those things, so it's no longer an issue. But back when we did call each other for those things, leaving simple requests on voice mail was very common.


And if it's personal, say "I'd rather not leave a message, it's personal. But can you please have so and so call me at-----" Is that so hard? Or as Dung Beetle suggested, just leave a name and number. Problem solved.

I used to have a job where telling someone other than our client who was calling was considered a breach of confidentiality. We weren't permitted to leave messages on answering machines or voice mail that didn't clearly indicate the name of the person we were calling and only that name - 'You've reached Sara at #######' was fine, but 'You've reached Bob and Sara' or 'You've reached #######' was not. Leaving a message with another person, even 'Jacquilynne from Y called, please call her back at #######' wasn't permitted.

[Dung Beetle]

But I don't want to, because this is how it will go:

"Have him call me at such a time."
He calls back.
"Do you know about <thing>?"
Him: "Not yet. Let me call you back." :smack:
I know it, but I'm not him and I just have to do the best I can! I'll try to jot down the details if you really want me to. :)

[Kiminy]

Women's pants, dresses, and skirts with no pockets I'm sure some fashionista will justify them by saying "they have a nicer line" or some such bullshit. For one, I prefer that my pants or skirts not make it quite so obvious what the actual size of my ass is. A girl should have some mystery about her, after all. And furthermore, women are allowed to drive now, and a lot of us carry cell phones. It's damned inconvenient to have to fish around in our purses for our keys and cell phones. DITTO DITTO DITTO

My own:

EVERY teacher my fifth grade son has gives vocabulary quizzes on Friday. We literally spend two hours every night just studying vocabulary. That's in addition to his other homework. Plus, he STILL fails most of the quizzes. I wish they would just give him worksheets or specific assignments to practice with, and expect him to do more than just memorize the words (like write out sentences, or make up stories, or do crossword puzzles, or draw pictures).

His English teacher gives him IMPOSSIBLE words to learn. Fifth grade vocabulary should include words that are used everyday by the average person with a college degree. That does not include writhe and callous. Furthermore, she gives them definitions to memorize for these words that are not really the words' common definitions. For example, she provides the definition "placed in certain circumstances" for situated, and "to declare to be wrong" for condemned. Last week, she had verbal definitions for nouns (upholstery="To fit furniture with coverings, cushioning, springs, etc."), nominal definitions for past participles (scowled="A lowering of the brows, as in anger"), and verbal definitions for adjectives (fossilized="A remnant or trace of an organism of a past geological age, preserved in the earth’s crust"). (She apparently took my complaints about this to heart, and actually identified the parts of speech for the words this time around, and got most of them correct.) Then some of the definitions include words that are at least as complicated as the word they are supposed to learn. (systematic="carried out or acting with thoroughness or regularity").

[BubbaDog]

Yes, its a beard. I'm growing a fucking beard. It is on my face and I am not surprised that you see it nor ashamed.

So while looking at me you grab your own chin and say,"What's this?" I find it neither clever nor amusing.

I get tired of it so I've invented my own game. It goes like this.

Idiot aquaintance: {looking at Bubbadog and grabbing their own chin} "What's This?"

Bubbadog: "Why that's your chin! Fun game! My turn!" {Bubbadog grabs his own earlobe in in his best kindergarten teacher voice} "Now what's THIS!"

Idiot aquaintance: {Somewhat embarrassed} "That's your earlobe"

Bubbadog: {Teacher voice} Good for You! You get a star!

[Notorious Nik]

Err, I know what an ATM is, and I know how debit works. My point is that, at least here in Canada, the two have always been the same card. The cards which were our ATM cards before Interac came into our lives magically became debit cards when debit started. Someone got called an asshole for not knowing the difference between two things, when in my experience, there is no difference.


You asked, I answered. In Canada, they've always been the same. Here in the states, they haven't. Perhaps you could have said, "gee that's funny. Here in Canada, they've always been the same card."

[First Lady of Infinity]

Oh, Anne Neville, you read my mind! I was desperately in need of a mini pit rant today!

People who ask a favor, which you're happy to grant, but who are then rude or unappreciative on receipt of the favor:

Last night, a friend who lives out in the boonies and who had errands to run in town today asked whether he could spend the night on the sofa. Sure! No problem! Around nine p.m., my friend decided to go meet someone for coffee. I told him to just let himself in if he returned late. Again, no problem, since the dog knows him and won't bark/attack. Around midnight, I decided it was time to sleep, which was a big "Yay!" moment, since I've had killer insomnia lately. I left pillows and blankets on the couch, turned on the lamp, and went to bed. By Midnight-thirty, I had been asleep for five or ten minutes. Sofa Friend came in, calling my name as soon as he opened the front door, asking "First Lady of Infinity, are you asleep?!" Naturally, my reply was "Not anymore!" He apologized, and I tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later, I had finally dozed off again, when I hear my name... "First Lady of Infinity, do you know where the TV remote is?" GRRRRRRRR! NO! I do NOT know where the bleepity-bleeping-bleep the bleeping remote might be! But when I find it, I'm gonna shove it up your BLEEP! :mad: (And, to top it all off, my phone rang at 8:26 this morning. Anyone who knows me at all knows that someone better be on fire if they call me before 10:00 AM. I might be awake, but I won't be coherent, I won't be chatty, and I won't be real happy if you call me at ugly morning hours. Naturally, the phone call was for Sofa Friend.)

Then, the second time the phone rang today, it was another friend, calling to gripe about being unemployed and broke, which brings me to Mini Rant #2: People who don't understand reasonable personal boundaries: Okay, it was after ten o'clock, and the venting might be legitimate, but here's the backstory: The friend is unemployed because she was working for a two-car taxicab company until last week, and she totaled "her" cab last week... by rear-ending a police car... and the cab company belongs to my parents... (And I won't even tell you how far she was already "in dutch" with the folks even before the wreck, since that's between the friend and the folks.) So I'm thinking "Hey, babe! You just totaled 1/2 of my parents' total business assets. Maybe you ought to be out looking for work instead of griping about not having a job?" (Maybe my anger is a little bit of misplaced guilt: The folks wouldn't have offered her the job had she not been my friend. Thus the business disaster is partly my fault? No, not really... but a little bit.) And another little hint? If you're working for your friend's parents, you might consider laying off the calling of friend to gripe about your bosses! I agree that they're sometimes a little unreasonable (as in, they'll drive you freakin' crazy some days!), but they're my parents, for pity's sake!

And, sort of in-line with "People who write checks," but not exactly the same: People who are apparently surprised that they're expected to pay for items at a retail store:

I don't know about you, but if I find myself in line at the grocery store, or the mass marketer, or what have you, I take that opportunity to get out my wallet/money/checkbook/whatever form of legal tender I plan to exchange for merchandise. If, on rare occasions, I decide to write a check, I'll even fill in the store name, date, memo, and signature while I'm waiting, and get out my ID while I'm at it. Simple -- just fill in the amount when I get a total and hand check & ID to the cashier. Why, oh why, though, do so many people wait until their stuff is in bags and in the cart before they start fumbling around for their wallet/money/checkbook/legal tender? Are they shocked to learn that they won't be presented those items for free? Do they assume that the checkout line is just there to keep track of the gifts being offered by the retailer? Are they having George H. W. Bush moments, being mesmerized by the UPC scanners and high-tech stuff? Or were they just dropped on their heads frequently as children?

(On preview -- What Anaamika said.)

[Lady of the Lake]

Kyo Kara Maoh, dvd 3:
Screw you!
Your website says your release date is 9/6, amazon.com says your release date is 9/6, but are you being shipped to my house? No! It clearly says on my order page on Amazon.com that you ‘will be’ ‘delivered’ by 9/6/05. Guess what day it is and it's still not moved to actually shipped?

I don't even like anime of that type and yet when I bought the first dvd on a whim I became hooked and now I anxiously await a dvd that may or may not ever be sent to me.

I curse whoever has planned this horrible trick on me to forever feel the hope and anticipation that I feel now only to forever be met with disappointment!

The green thing in the Apple I just ate:
I think you were half of a worm. Ergh!

My Cat:
Stop attacking me you fuzzy psychopath! I am not your prey!

It was cute the first few times. “Oh look at the kitty get in her little cat tent and peek at me from the tent hole with her big bright eyes.” Little did I know you would then be lunging at me like a demented knife-clawed jack-in-the-box!

Stop it! You scare me. :(

[Hampshire]

Assholes who get bent out of shape about people who use perfectly acceptable normal methods of payment, and in addition, don't know the difference between an ATM card and a debit card.

ATM card, debit card, who gives a F*. Their convenient, their fast, their easy. Get your ass out of the stone age and learn to use one.
Checks are for writing your electric and water bills and sending them in the mail. Your checkbook should never leave the house.
Every time I see another restaurant or retail store with a sign that says "Sorry, as of February 2005 we no longer accept personal checks" I jump for joy.

[YaWanna]

I am not a mind reader, parts iv & v:

People who are told the person they're calling is on another line and ask "do you know how long she'll be?" I bite my tongue before "Why of course, it'll be another 4 minutes and 16 seconds" comes out.

When someone I work with pages someone and just leaves the office number, without telling anyone else "I've paged so-and-so", and of course, So-and-So calls back exasperated at me because I don't know who paged him.

Certain cow-orkers...

...particularly those who can't seem to leave me in peace while I'm "at lunch" (which I must have at my desk, since I can't afford to eat at restaurants every day and we don't have a lunchroom), but come in and ask me to do something work-related for them while I'm eating and/or reading. Yeah, I guess I could just close my door, but they do know that I'm at lunch at the same time every day.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[OrangeJumpsuit]

Stop attacking me you fuzzy psychopath! I am not your prey!
I am also the owner of psycho pussy. Now when the cat attacks me, I fight back. My cat and I get into fights all the time.

[Spectre of Pithecanthropus]

Well you did say minor. Here are some, mostly about food.

People who make sandwiches or deli-wraps not cracking the spines of the lettuce leaves, making it hard to hold the sandwich together.

The same people above who think a tuna sandwich has to have at least two ice-cream scoops of tuna.

Portion sizes!!! A lot of the menu choices at the deli across the street seem to be aimed at Brobdingagians. Or at least people who don't mind opening their belts out another notch. Couldn't they have an option of a smaller size and charge a little less money? Oh no, of course they can't, because people are paying for the bigger size anyhow and not finishing it.

A deli where there is only ONE trash receptacle and napkins are only behind the counter. You can get more but you have to ask for them.

Workplaces that don't have their own lunch rooms, which is why I spend so much time in the above. The only way to get away from your desk is to go out to eat.

[Lady of the Lake]

I am also the owner of psycho pussy. Now when the cat attacks me, I fight back. My cat and I get into fights all the time.

But...the claws! :eek:


Does yours gnaw energetically on your shoulder when you try to give it hugs?

[JerH]

The worst part is, some of these addle brain nitwits actually sound disapointed that there is no voicemail!!!!! Because it sucks so much to leave a message with a live human being.

I'd count myself as a nitwit, then. Compare my average experience with both methods:

Method 1: Leaving a voicemail
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he's out. Would you like his voicemail?
JerH: Yes, thank you.
X's Message: Hi, this is X, etc.
JerH: Hi, this is Jeremy H, called from Blah Blah Company, and I wanted to check on that quote you were doing for the steel widgets; the reference number is AB123. Call me back at 123-456-7890.

Total time: Approx. 45 seconds


Method 2: Leaving a message
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he's out. Can I take a message.
JerH: OK. This is Jeremy H, calling from...
R: Hold on - can you spell that?
JerH: J-E-R-E-M-Y, H-X-X-X-X-X-X.
R: Hold on...........OK, go on.
JerH: I'm calling from Blah Blah Company...
R: Is that Blah with one or two A's?
JerH: B-L-A-H, B-L-A-H Company...
R: OK...
JerH: And I'm calling about quote number A-B-1-2-3...
R: Slow down....OK
JerH: And he can call me back at 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-0.
R: OK, I'll have him call you.

Total Time: About 2 minutes, and I'll still get callbacks asking for "Jaimie."

[BiblioCat]

Allergy attacks that happen for no apparent reason I had a nasty one last night. I don't think I did anything much different than I do on a normal night, but for some reason my nose was running like a faucet all evening, which it normally does not do. It's summer, it hasn't rained for a couple of months, and everything that gives me allergies is supposed to be fucking dead by now. Why the hell am I still getting allergy attacks?
It's grass.
[Non-technical possibly slighty wrong laymen's terms] It germinates this time of year before going dormant for the winter, thereby spewing grass pollen thingys into the air and causing many people to have a whole new allergy-funfest, complete with snotty runny noses and itchy eyes. [/n-tpswlt]

I feel your pain. I've been living on Sudafed for weeks.
I can't wait for that first hard frost.

[OrangeJumpsuit]

But...the claws! :eek:


Does yours gnaw energetically on your shoulder when you try to give it hugs?
The cat doesn't exactly "gnaw," but he indeed bites and scratches completely unprovoked. The little shit is trying to be smart now. Sometimes he bites me, then runs outside through the kitty door so I can't kick his sorry ass. Freeloadin' cat is biting the hand that feeds him. All this talk is making me want to go backhand the little bastard right now.

[Notorious Nik]

I'd count myself as a nitwit, then. Compare my average experience with both methods:

Method 1: Leaving a voicemail
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he's out. Would you like his voicemail?
JerH: Yes, thank you.
X's Message: Hi, this is X, etc.
JerH: Hi, this is Jeremy H, called from Blah Blah Company, and I wanted to check on that quote you were doing for the steel widgets; the reference number is AB123. Call me back at 123-456-7890.

Total time: Approx. 45 seconds


Method 2: Leaving a message
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he's out. Can I take a message.
JerH: OK. This is Jeremy H, calling from...
R: Hold on - can you spell that?
JerH: J-E-R-E-M-Y, H-X-X-X-X-X-X.
R: Hold on...........OK, go on.
JerH: I'm calling from Blah Blah Company...
R: Is that Blah with one or two A's?
JerH: B-L-A-H, B-L-A-H Company...
R: OK...
JerH: And I'm calling about quote number A-B-1-2-3...
R: Slow down....OK
JerH: And he can call me back at 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-0.
R: OK, I'll have him call you.

Total Time: About 2 minutes, and I'll still get callbacks asking for "Jaimie."


Nope, you aren't a nitwit. Scenerio 1. Receptionist sent you to voicemail. Problem solved. Scenerio 2. You didn't ask for voicemail after the receptionist asked for a message. The nitwits are the ones who, after I've said "they aren't here, can I take a message" insist on asking if we have voicemail If we had it, I'd have sent you to it. That's my problem.. I don't mind voicemail. In fact, I love voicemail. I wish my office had voicemail. I'd much rather leave a message with a machine than a person most of the time. I don't like being treated like an inconvienence, though. That is my problem.

[sciguy]

LoPoYPDNCaEoMP. "Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on My Part". Do not come to me with a task that needs to be done ASAP that you knew about and actually could've informed me of last week. Especially when there are necessary sub-tasks (which you also haven't done) completely out of my control that tend to have long turnaround times.

Software that doesn't do what I want it to. I hate running across limitations. I'm trying to do something, and come across command X in the documentation that appears to do what I want. Then I come across this: "Please note: command X cannot be used in situation Y". Dammit, I'm in situation Y. :( (this is a pretty lame rant, since there are perfectly valid reasons for it not to work in situation Y, and workarounds that get mostly the same result, I just don't have to like it).

Yes, cat, that's called outside. I understand you may still be a little disoriented from our move from a small apartment with few windows (most with the view blocked by trees, bushes, or the balcony railing) to a house with large windows. However, that stuff outside the window has been there as-is for the past two months. Sitting on the sill and yowling at (I assume) that blade of grass is slightly annoying at best. And it's very annoying when you do it in my bedroom at two in the morning.

Phew, I think that helped a bit. Thanks.

[Lady of the Lake]

The cat doesn't exactly "gnaw," but he indeed bites and scratches completely unprovoked. The little shit is trying to be smart now. Sometimes he bites me, then runs outside through the kitty door so I can't kick his sorry ass. Freeloadin' cat is biting the hand that feeds him. All this talk is making me want to go backhand the little bastard right now.
The bright spot about having such a cat – its fun to watch her get her paw stuck on stuff in mid attack! I stand just outside of the bleeding zone and laugh and laugh as she tries to free her paw to get at me! Ha!

[DiosaBellissima]

For the record: we do not have voice mail. Hell, we don't even have an answering machine! (He forwards the calls to his cell after hours).

JerH, I'll grant you that some message takers are probably idiots, but I assure you: I am not. I know the names and issues with each and every one of our clients.

They usually ask to speak to _____. I say he is out, but would they like me to take a message? "Wha wha WHA?!? He doesn't have VOICE MAIL?" "No Mrs. Smith, he does not have voice mail ((thinking to self: yes, our office of TWO PEOPLE has a very in depth and complicated computerized voicemail system...our clients know this is a small office)). May I take a message?"

"But, can't I just leave it on his voice mail??"
"Ma'am, we do not have voice mail. If you have an issue that needs to be handled right away, perhaps I can help you?"
"Well tell him Mrs. Smith called from 123-456-7890."
"Not a problem, may I ask what this call is regarding?"
Now here they either say: "Taxes" <-- duh, we are a tax business! Or give me their long, complicated question which I handle with ease.

Maybe my anger stems from the fact that I loathe being talked down to. Yes, I am young. Yes, I am the owner's daughter. But you know what? I am also an Honors class acing, State Champion debating, college student. Oh, and I've been working here since I was 14! I do all the tax returns; hell, I call the IRS on most of your cases. Don't speak to me like I am some ninny who can't handle writing down 7 numbers and a name. :mad:

Well, that was theraputic :D

[Carol the Impaler]

People who drop calls.

For those that don't know, the appropriate etiquette when transferring calls is to announce to the recipient who is on the line before you transfer them through.

Let's just say that I have a silly way of answering the phone when I know it's the receptionist. Which is NOT how I answer the phone when I'm being "Worker Niblet_Head". Today I didn't realize the receptionist had gone to lunch and her fill-in was dropping a call on me when I picked up the phone.

Thank god it was only a salesperson.

You Get Paid Three Times As Much As Me. Don't Ask Me How to Complete Your Budget.

And issues of this ilk. I am your boss's admin. Yes, I'm not un-bright. I don't know why it annoys me that I can figure out stuff (that is part of YOUR job description) that you apparently can't. But it does.

[Equipoise]

I hope all the nasty skanks who pee on the toilet seat and don't clean up after themselves get a grisly disease that cause their labias and noses to fall off. Disgusting, uncivilized creatures!

People who talk and act rude when an opening band is on. Look, I know you didn't come to see the opening band, and I know that sometimes opening bands aren't all that great, but often, opening bands are really good, and they're trying hard. Give them a break.

Fucking useless Flash/Javascript-only web sites. I don't care if businesses tell customers or potential customers to fuck off. Their loss. I do care that nasty, horrible Flash/Javascript web sites are a downright epidemic among interesting female singers that I like. Jane Siberry, Feist, Emiliana Torrini, Lili Haydn, Charlotte Martin, Jorane, Sheila Nichols, Rachael Yamagata, Katell Keineg, Dulce Pontes, Sophie Zelmani, Eleni Mandell, Heather Duby, and so so so many others (I'm not providing links because I hate their sites so much). Flash-only web sites are the equivalent of stationing a bouncer at the door, turning away innocent interested people because they're not cool enough. I don't bitch for myself. I can access their sites, but I have friends who can't, and it bugs me. It can be inconvenient too. I wanted to provide a mailing list I'm on a list of Feist's upcoming concerts. Because it's Flash-only, I can't just cut and paste, and by god I'm not going to sit there and type out each goddamned date/city/venue. ARGH!

[Queen Bruin]

I hope all the nasty skanks who pee on the toilet seat and don't clean up after themselves get a grisly disease that cause their labias and noses to fall off. Disgusting, uncivilized creatures!


Word.

[DiosaBellissima]

Word.

I would like to second that word, but add in women who somehow manage to get BLOOD on the toilet seat, floor, toilet paper holder, and ceiling (no seriously, I saw this once).

[Frank]

ATM card, debit card, who gives a F*. Their convenient, their fast, their easy. Get your ass out of the stone age and learn to use one.
Checks are for writing your electric and water bills and sending them in the mail. Your checkbook should never leave the house.
Too damn bad. The world is not designed specifically for your personal convenience; learn to co-exist with other people who may not think exactly as you do. I'll use cash, check, or card, whichever I feel appropriate at the time, and I won't shed any tears over your wounded sense of what is right.

jacquilynne, there are ATM cards which do not function as debit cards.

[Misnomer]

LoPoYPDNCaEoMP. "Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on My Part". Do not come to me with a task that needs to be done ASAP that you knew about and actually could've informed me of last week. Especially when there are necessary sub-tasks (which you also haven't done) completely out of my control that tend to have long turnaround times.Exactly!

Also, it is not my fault that every major project in the company decided to have software deliveries in early October, thereby ensuring that all four technical writers are extremely busy until then. You're going to have to write that 70-page document that's due on 10/10 all by yourself; at best, we'll be able to shake someone loose to do some copyediting/proofreading. No, it's not "a problem," it's your problem.

People who talk and act rude when an opening band is on. Look, I know you didn't come to see the opening band, and I know that sometimes opening bands aren't all that great, but often, opening bands are really good, and they're trying hard. Give them a break.And then they don't even clap. Fuckers. :mad:

[Queen Bruin]

I would like to second that word, but add in women who somehow manage to get BLOOD on the toilet seat, floor, toilet paper holder, and ceiling (no seriously, I saw this once).
On the ceiling? Oh dear.

[First Lady of Infinity]

On the ceiling? Oh dear.

Hmmm, maybe that instruction page inside each and every box of tampons really does have a use. I think someone's found their target audience!

(And WORD to The Sausage Creature's original post. If your pink and private parts are so delicate that you can't expose them to toilet seats, maybe you should consider peeing before you leave home. That way, you can hover and urinate in a place where I'm not likely to be exposed to your pure, unadulterated nastiness.

[Anaamika]

Too damn bad. The world is not designed specifically for your personal convenience; learn to co-exist with other people who may not think exactly as you do. I'll use cash, check, or card, whichever I feel appropriate at the time, and I won't shed any tears over your wounded sense of what is right.


I don't have a problem with you using any form of acceptable payment at all. What I do have a problem with is you waiting until you get to the top of the line to dig your checkbook out, search ten minutes for a pen, then balance your checkbook in line. I'm not saying you do any of these things, just a generic "you". I have the same irritation with people who upon confronted with the total, then decide hunt around for money, and worse, hunt around for those last three cents in the bottom of their purse, rather than just handing them the whole bill. I don't have a problem with people who do this and have some change ready in their hand. It's the hunting I despise.

[Queen Bruin]

Huh? That wasn't me, that was Equipoise. Thanks for the shout-out anyhow. :)

[Anne Neville]

ATM card, debit card, who gives a F*. Their convenient, their fast, their easy.

And, nowadays, they are the same card. At least mine are.

Get your ass out of the stone age and learn to use one.
Checks are for writing your electric and water bills and sending them in the mail. Your checkbook should never leave the house.

A-FUCKING_MEN!

And, if you must write a check at a store, get out the check and the pen while you're waiting in line, and do what First Lady of Infinity does:

I'll even fill in the store name, date, memo, and signature while I'm waiting, and get out my ID while I'm at it. Simple -- just fill in the amount when I get a total and hand check & ID to the cashier.

And don't even think about balancing your checkbook while standing in front of the cash register and preventing the rest of the line from moving. People who do that should be dragged out and shot. Balance your checkbook in your car, or when you get home.

Another grocery store line rant:

People who won't move up in the line when they can Some of us would like to put our groceries on the belt before we get up to the cashier. They put out little plastic dividers next to the belt for the purpose of allowing more than one person to do this at a time, which makes for more efficient movement of the line. But if you hang back, as if you thought the cashier or the person in front of you has a deadly plague or something, you make it so people in line behind you can't put their groceries on the belt. This makes the whole line move slower, and makes everyone overall less happy, since most of us can think of many more enjoyable uses of our time than standing in a grocery checkout line.

It's grass.
[Non-technical possibly slighty wrong laymen's terms] It germinates this time of year before going dormant for the winter, thereby spewing grass pollen thingys into the air and causing many people to have a whole new allergy-funfest, complete with snotty runny noses and itchy eyes. [/n-tpswlt]

I always had grass allergies in the fall when I lived on the East Coast. Until this year, though, it wasn't so bad here in California. I have been living on Sudafed for the last month, too.

The same people above who think a tuna sandwich has to have at least two ice-cream scoops of tuna.

And, of those 2 scoops of tuna, about 1 1/2 scoops are mayonnaise. If I must have a mayonnaise sandwich (I don't even like mayonnaise), I'd like to have some tuna on it, please.

[Queen Bruin]

Huh? That wasn't me, that was Equipoise. Thanks for the shout-out anyhow. :)
Err, that was in response to First Lady of Infinity.

[Anne Neville]

I'll use cash, check, or card, whichever I feel appropriate at the time

But, if you had a debit card, I can't imagine why you would want to write a check. To use the debit card, you have to find one card, and remember a four-digit number that rarely changes. To write a check, you have to find your checkbook and a pen, remember today's date, and write all the information out on the check. That just seems like so much more work than using a debit card, I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that. :confused:

[Frank]

What I do have a problem with is you waiting until you get to the top of the line to dig your checkbook out, search ten minutes for a pen, then balance your checkbook in line. I'm not saying you do any of these things, just a generic "you". I have the same irritation with people who upon confronted with the total, then decide hunt around for money, and worse, hunt around for those last three cents in the bottom of their purse, rather than just handing them the whole bill. I don't have a problem with people who do this and have some change ready in their hand. It's the hunting I despise.
I can agree with all of this. It's called "Be Prepared". I admit, I get irritated with people who get all their stuff rung up, and then begin to root around for their debit card.

[TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW]

Stores that do not take credit/debit cards - Look, can we at least agree that it's time to get up to a 1970's level in the retail sector? I'm continually amazed by stores that are cash only - unless you're a fucking hotdong stand, you need to accept visa or visa check cards. Nobody carries cash anymore, and you - not me, the customer - looks like an archaic ass when you have to tell me that you don't take it. I've actually started to respond with "You're joking, right?" when businesses tell me that they don't take cards.

[Anne Neville]

If your pink and private parts are so delicate that you can't expose them to toilet seats, maybe you should consider peeing before you leave home.

No, I think that, if you're that prissy, you should realize that your home toilet seat is covered with germs, too. You should just hold it in until you explode, and do the species a favor.

[Frank]

But, if you had a debit card, I can't imagine why you would want to write a check.
Primarily: at the grocery store on payday, after my money is in the bank, but before that knowledge has made it's way to the system that handles the cards. They poll my bank once a day for account balances. I found this out the hard way at Sears with four brand new tires on my car. (Sears took a check.)

[Frank]

I've actually started to respond with "You're joking, right?" when businesses tell me that they don't take cards.
Some stores don't wish to pay the fees, and they're willing to do without your business in order not to.

[Anaamika]

I can agree with all of this. It's called "Be Prepared". I admit, I get irritated with people who get all their stuff rung up, and then begin to root around for their debit card.
I'd just like to point out, mine's in my hand when I get up there, and I swipe it as soon as she rings up the first item. And this is only when I go through a cashier...whenever I can I used the automated checkouts. (Why doesn't Hannaford have these yet?)

fucking hotdong stand
Whoa, major snerk.

[Anne Neville]

Primarily: at the grocery store on payday, after my money is in the bank, but before that knowledge has made it's way to the system that handles the cards. They poll my bank once a day for account balances. I found this out the hard way at Sears with four brand new tires on my car. (Sears took a check.)

OK, that I can understand.

I pull out my credit card and any store loyalty cards as soon as I get in line, and I can't imagine why everyone doesn't do the same with their preferred method of payment.

you read my mind! I was desperately in need of a mini pit rant today!

Me too (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=334001)

[TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW]

Whoa, major snerk.

Hello, Mr. Freud!

[THespos]

Things that have been bothering me (especially since I quit smoking):

Close Talkers, Close Walkers, and Idiots Who Have No Concept of "Personal Space" - Yes, I'm aware this has its own thread floating around MPSIMS somewhere, but I'm too lazy to search for it. I recently told someone about the little game I play where I try to make it through my entire work day without being touched by someone else. I've never even managed to get through my morning commute, much less the work day. What the fuck is it with people who have no problem hanging out three inches from your face? Or those people who lean up against you on the subway and give you an attitude like "Hey, I feel people up on the subway all the time and no one ever complains about it." Or those little 5'2" chicks on the sidewalk who charge right at you while they're talking on their cell phone, collide with your belt buckle, and then make like it's your fault. What the FUCK?

Impatient Motherfuckers on the Phone - What the fuck is so difficult to understand about "He's on vacation and he didn't bring a cell phone with him."? No, short of flying to Europe and conducting a bar-to-bar search, I haven't the faintest clue how I could reach him in an "emergency." Also, I'm reasonably certain that "catching up" isn't something you typically give out an emergency contact number for, so even if I did have one, you wouldn't get it. I'm also reasonably certain that the reason he didn't take his cell phone with him on vacation is so that he wouldn't be constantly bothered by impatient motherfuckers like you.

Shitty Mobile Service - My phone has two bars in some areas, I place a call and then both bars immediately disappear. What the fuck is that, Sprint? And is it too much to ask to have a phone that works in my own residence? Everybody else's phone works here.

People Who Leave Coffee Grinds in the Coffee Machine - For, like, 6 months. And then you open the little basket on the coffee machine because you're all psyched to make a pot and these green, shitty mold spores go all "POOF!" in your face and you fall to the ground gagging and hoping to Og that there's not some alien toadstool growing in your nasal passages. Yeah. That sucks.

That is all. For now.

[Elza B]

I would like to second that word, but add in women who somehow manage to get BLOOD on the toilet seat, floor, toilet paper holder, and ceiling (no seriously, I saw this once).

Okay, there's no excuse for it, and if I have ever gotten blood on anything I've cleaned it up...but...

the first week of learning to use Instead cups, it looked like I had committed mass murder in my home bathroom. I got better at it, but I did have one mishap at work that I cleaned up thoroughly (even getting our Clorox bleach from the office to take into the communal bathroom to clean up).

So I can understand how it might happen.

Mini-rants?

People who can't let me finish the last TWO SECONDS of my fucking greeting when I pick up the phone at work, and are intent on cutting me off with "Is Jessica there?" as if the fate of the world depends on getting Jessica at THAT EXACT MOMENT.

I've started pausing for 2-3 seconds when they do that. Makes it more fun.

To our idiotic city planners: Hey, dillweeds? If you're doing construction on a main thruway in town and you completely shut DOWN that part of the thruway, wouldn't it make more goddamn sense to FINISH that construction, rather than move to the NEXT busy intersection (which also happens to be another way to get the same place you'd get with the first thruway), and back up traffic for twenty minutes each way?? We don't HAVE another choice - we're stuck going this way now, the least you could do is not back up traffic in every direction! Finish what you've started, THEN move onto the next fucking project!

FUCKING AOL WHO WILL NOT TAKE US OFF OF THEIR MOTHERFUCKING MARKETING LIST AND HAVE CALLED NO LESS THAN FOUR FUCKING TIMES A DAY IN THE PAST WEEK! I just got ANOTHER call from them, after my calling them TWICE yesterday and once the day before to get them to remove us from their fucking marketing list! We've had constant hang-ups on our answering machine of the operator, saying 'this call did not go through', and it's ALWAYS AMERICA ONLINE. I regret the day I ever took the fucking six month free trial from Dell so that I could make it easier for my older family to email me.

E.

[DiosaBellissima]

Okay, there's no excuse for it, and if I have ever gotten blood on anything I've cleaned it up...but...

the first week of learning to use Instead cups, it looked like I had committed mass murder in my home bathroom. I got better at it, but I did have one mishap at work that I cleaned up thoroughly (even getting our Clorox bleach from the office to take into the communal bathroom to clean up).

So I can understand how it might happen.


E.

Well, I first started noticing this in high school. I doubt that many people were using cups in high school ;) In college? Maybe. But still, this is just as bad as finding a bloody pad or tampon laying around the floor, toiletpaper holder, ceiling (no seriously, I saw that once too... don't ask me to explain how it was staying up there, because I have no idea).

[Elza B]

Well, I first started noticing this in high school. I doubt that many people were using cups in high school ;) In college? Maybe. But still, this is just as bad as finding a bloody pad or tampon laying around the floor, toiletpaper holder, ceiling (no seriously, I saw that once too... don't ask me to explain how it was staying up there, because I have no idea).

That's an image I really didn't want.

I'm going to have to check the ceilings every time I go into a public bathroom now.

:smack:

E.

[First Lady of Infinity]

Me too (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=334001)

Ahhh! Makes perfect sense! And my latest:

Mysterious callers whose only apparent mission is to find out whether my phone works:

Yeah, you know who you are! For two weeks now, my caller ID indicates that you've been calling me at least twice per day, but you never leave a message. This evening, I finally lost patience and actually answered the call. (Normally, if it IDs as "Private Number," I don't answer.) So, two ringy-dingies, I say hello, and you hang up? WTF?

[Elza B]

Ahhh! Makes perfect sense! And my latest:

Mysterious callers whose only apparent mission is to find out whether my phone works:

Yeah, you know who you are! For two weeks now, my caller ID indicates that you've been calling me at least twice per day, but you never leave a message. This evening, I finally lost patience and actually answered the call. (Normally, if it IDs as "Private Number," I don't answer.) So, two ringy-dingies, I say hello, and you hang up? WTF?

You sure it's not AOL?

E.

[Anne Neville]

Impatient Motherfuckers on the Phone

Impatient Motherfuckers At The Airport (IMATAs) are even more fun. I was at San Diego airport, trying to get back to Oakland, and many of the flights were delayed due to weather conditions. It was raining really hard outside, so that was totally understandable. One IMATA was yelling at one of the gate agents, demanding that she get him to Oakland at the time he was scheduled to get there. Hello, idiot, there are a whole bunch of people sitting here trying to get there, too, and there's no plane at the gate yet. All the flights out of all the airports in California are having this same problem. What, exactly, do you expect the gate agent to do?

Voice mail messages that assume you have never used voice mail before, and that you can't skip
I just want to leave a fucking message and hang up. I know, as does most of the civilized world by now, that I should start talking after the beep. I do not care that I can "press 1 for more options."

[Morbo]

Impatient Motherfuckers At The Airport (IMATAs) are even more fun.

How about IMOTP? (Impatient Motherfuckers On The Plane)? It's 11pm. There are no connecting flights, as this is the West Coast, and it's late. I also note they did not announce any connecting flight information, so you can be in no more hurry than me. We are all crawling out of our rows, gathering our carry-ons from the overhead bin, and exiting in an orderly fashion. Except you. Why do you think it's your turn to exit the plane when you're in a fucking row behind me? Why are you pushing past me? Wait your fucking turn, fuckface.

-------------

I am letting you in front of my car out of the goodness of my heart. How about a fucking wave, asshole?

--------------

Coworkers: Leaving one drop of coffee does not indicate that it isn't your responsibility to make another pot!!

[Anaamika]

Hello, Mr. Freud!
:confused: I just thought it was funny that you misspelled hot dog as hot dong. I wasn't implying anything about your sexuality, psychology, or how you feel about your parents!

[Scissorjack]

Sellers on online auctions who set start prices way below the reserve, forcing you to bid $1 at a time: "Let's see, the start is $20, and the 'buy-now' is $200, so I'll just guess a number between 20 and 200, shall I? 50? 51? 52? Nope. Ah, fuck it." Actually, reserve prices in general: I always list my items 'no reserve' so people know how much I want.

[AuntiePam]

Message board owners who won't ban troublemakers

There's this one place where I like to hang out -- it's not related to the SDMB or to anyone who's ever been on the SDMB, just to clear that up.

A bunch of nice people interested in horror fiction, film, art, etc. who occasionally talk politics or something else that might be controversial.

There are two or three people who are constantly stirring up shit, and even when they aren't, others remember when they did, so their history haunts them. Every thread they're in turns into a trainwreck, but the board owner won't ban them. He'll delete posts and threads, but he refuses to ban these assholes, even though some of them have their own boards!

[Steve MB]

I've decided that the ability to comprehend the concept walk on the left, stand on the right* is a minimum qualification for being allowed to ride on an escalator.

*Or vice versa, if you're in one of those countries where the drive on the wrong side of the road.

[Green Bean]

Assholes who call random numbers because they happen to find them on their caller ID.

GB: Good morning. Jones, Inc.
Asshole: You called me.
GB: This is Jones, Inc. How may I help you?
Asshole: You called me.
GB: I don't think so. What is this in reference to?
Asshole: What is this in reference to? This is in reference to the fact that you called me!
GB: I'm sure I didn't call you, ma'am. Are you trying to reach Jones, Inc.?
Asshole: I'm not trying to reach anybody. You called me!
GB: Who is this, please?
Asshole: You know who this is! You called me! Who is this?
GB: This is Jones, Inc. I'd really like to help you, but I don't understand what you're calling about.
Asshole: You're the one who called me.
GB: I assure you that I didn't call you. Did you get a message saying that I did?
Asshole: I saw your number on my caller ID.
GB: ( :rolleyes: ) Oh, well, there are a lot of people who work here. One of them may have called you. Did they leave a message?
Asshole: Yeah.
GB: What did they message say?
Asshole: I haven't listened to it yet.
GB: :smack: <deep breath>
GB: Okay. Would you like to listen to the message and give us a call back?
Asshole: No. I found YOUR number on MY caller ID, and I want to know why you're calling me!!!
GB: <several deep breaths> There are quite a few people who work here. Any one of them could have called you. Are you a customer?
Asshole: Yeah.
GB: Let me pull your file. What's your name, please?
Asshole: I really don't have time to wait for this. <hangs up>
:mad: :smack: :rolleyes: :confused:

Point 1: My coworkers don't inform me of each and every call that they make. I have no idea who called you or why. I'm just the shmoe who happened to pick up the phone this time around.

Point 2: You'd know who called you and why if you'd just LISTEN TO THE FUCKING MESSAGE.

Point 3: If you had some legitimate reason why you couldn't listen to the message, and you were nice about it, I'd be more than happy to ask around and find out who called you and why. In fact, I'd probably do it even if you didn't have a good reason not to have listened to the message, and even if you weren't nice about it. But if you want me to try and find out who called you and why, it would be extremely helpful if you'd tell me WHO YOU ARE. What am I supposed to do, go around and ask each of my coworkers "did you call some lady today?"

Point 4: The fact that our name and number showed up on your caller ID box is not some invasion of your privacy. You act like we wronged you in some way by calling you. We called you in reference to your order, which you paid a deposit on. Would you rather we take your deposits and NOT call you? Sheesh.

[sciurophobic]

Re: voice mail/answering machine messages:

I hate the ones that just say "I'm not home. Leave a message." If I've never called the number before, and have never spoken to the person before, I'd like to have some confirmation that I dialed the correct number. I just don't like leaving messages for the wrong stranger.

[Anaamika]

Re: voice mail/answering machine messages:

I hate the ones that just say "I'm not home. Leave a message." If I've never called the number before, and have never spoken to the person before, I'd like to have some confirmation that I dialed the correct number. I just don't like leaving messages for the wrong stranger.
For single women alone, you're not supposed to leave your name or anything...I don't see a problem with recording your number, except mine doesn't. Sorry. I use the recording it came with, since it's too much trouble to re-record.

[Frank]

I hate the ones that just say "I'm not home. Leave a message." If I've never called the number before, and have never spoken to the person before, I'd like to have some confirmation that I dialed the correct number. I just don't like leaving messages for the wrong stranger.
Well, even detailing everything doesn't always work. My message states my name and number in a very clearly male voice.

"Hi Ethel, call me..."

[THespos]

I just don't like leaving messages for the wrong stranger.

I like leaving messages for the right stranger.

[Sean Factotum]

I give you a quote for something that needs to be manufactured to specifications when it is ordered. This is not something they (or we, or anyone who has ever ordered this) has on the shelf. It says on the quote "Delivery 5 weeks min. after receipt of order." You then wait three weeks to place the order. Please explain how it is the fault of Technical Thingies, Inc. (where I work) that you can't have it in two weeks.

Today at lunch at the credit union's ATM. You can take money out of your account. You can put money into your account. You can transfer money between accounts. But if it tells you "Insufficient funds", there's nothing you're going to be able to do here at this machine (which is miles from one of the credit union brick-and-mortar sites.) Trying to withdrawal the same amount of money four times while saying to the machine, "The money is in there - give it to me!" ain't going to work, Einstein.

[THespos]

More...

People Who Pretend Bodily Secretions, Emanations, (etc.) Do Not Exist - You know the type. Let one fart accidentally slip in an elevator and you get all sorts of lip about how they would never allow such a thing to happen and, in fact, they've never actually farted, burped, had smelly armpits or anything like that. Ever. In their lives. As a matter of fact, their bodies and anything that comes out of them smell exactly like a summer breeze through a vast expanse of wildflowers. It is my wish that one day, these people all simultaneously and accidentally shit themselves while trying to discreetly pass gas. Preferably while wearing white pants.

Overprotective Moms and Dads Who Permanently Fuck Up Their Kids - Yes, I know it disturbs you greatly to see your child in any kind of pain. But guess what? A bit of pain here and there is actually pretty damned healthy and it helps your kid learn lessons that will be useful later on. Speaking of lessons, your kid is quickly learning that if he simply cries for 3 seconds, mommy or daddy will immediately show up with a juice box or a cookie or some other sugary treat. So guess what the kid is going to do whenever he wants a sugar fix?

Cheap Disposable Razors - I'm convinced that razor companies deliberately make their disposable razors shitty, so that they can upgrade you to the $48-per-blade Vibrating Quadrophenia model when you accidentally slice off your upper lip with one of their entry-level models. And it's getting impossible to find any razor that isn't loaded up with gizmos that nobody needs, like aloe-soaked slime strips, heads housing 34 flexible blades, pivoting heads, comfort-shock grips, racing stripes and all sorts of other crapola. I'm waiting for the day when every razor coming out of the factory comes complete with a preload-adjustable racing suspension. Some of us are looking for the cheap, no frills model that we won't feel guilty about tossing in the trash when it's no longer sharp.

More when my next nic fit hits.

[bouv]

For single women alone, you're not supposed to leave your name or anything...I don't see a problem with recording your number, except mine doesn't. Sorry. I use the recording it came with, since it's too much trouble to re-record.

Not even your first name? :confused:

And too much trouble to re-record? Man, you're even lazier than I am. And I'm pretty damn lazy! You hit the record button, say a message, and let go of the button, or hit another button, ro someting similar. Not that hard.

[The Scrivener]

Ragweed. As if regular spring hay fever isn't enough.

Drivers that aggressively enter traffic in front of you and then accelerate very slowly, forcing you to at least tap the brakes -- esp. when there's a huge gap in traffic right behind you.

The person with the 80's-style car alarm (the one that runs through a sequence of a half-dozen kinds of sounds) a block away, whose car alarm sometimes goes off in the middle of the night. And why are you so goddamned slow to wake up and shut it off? Are you passed out or on drugs or what?

Churches that advertise with lawn signs, esp. in commercial zones. It's bad enough to see those for politicians; I shudder to think of the ramifications of this sort of religious-establishment advertising proliferation. I for one am resolved to start stealing and ditching these signs and thus do my part to nip this odious trend in the bud...

DVDs with a list of deleted scenes and no option to "play all". There's really no excuse for this oversight, AFAIK.

Most of the gasbag pundits and other personalities on TV, a bunch of whom I can visualize but can't remember their names just now. Rest assured, though, Nancy Grace is definitely one of them.

Will Ferrell. WF on SNL, WF's stupid comedies, WF's stupid face. Dude, you were never funny and even your movie trailers suck. Just go away, man!

[Misnomer]

For single women alone, you're not supposed to leave your name or anythingI've only heard two "single women" rules (and the second one really applies to everyone):

1) Have a male voice on your message; or say "we" ("hi, you've reached xxx-xxxx, but we can't come to the phone right now"). I've never seen the point in either suggestion, but then I've only been on my own since '94: maybe there were "incidents" in the past, when single women living on their own were a relatively new phenomenon, and that's where our moms (or whoever) got the advice.

2) Don't ever record a message saying that you're on vacation ("hi, this is Jenny, I'm in Aruba this week so leave a message!"). You're not supposed to let the potential burglars know that your house is empty. This one makes more sense to me than the first one, but the only message I ever change is my voicemail at work ("I'm out of the office until x/xx, please leave a message or call xxxx for assistance").

I've never heard that you're not supposed to say your name/number.

[YaWanna]

I could pit my boss for a number of reasons ( I don't hate her, btw, but she is a world-class PITA in many ways), but right now I just need to say that I have it up to here (use your imagination, if you must) with her bitching me out about the brand of cookies I bring to the office on Fridays as a treat for the employees. She is the only one who doesn't like them, no one else likes the kind she likes, and she just rags on me about it loudly every Friday for the whole office to hear. Sure, I could buy a special extra box of her cookies, I guess, and make the Drama Queen happy, but, I don't know, why? Just, why?

And I also feel the need to pit my little brother for being such a doofus about something. Tomorrow he is flying out to visit. The only information he has provided is the time and day his flight arrives. So I called to ask him, and got his voice mail. I left a message asking specifically for the carrier and flight number. He called back several days later, when no one was home and left a message saying he was calling to give me the information. Then he goes "it's, uhhhh...hold on, I thought I had it. I'll have to call back." Click. Second message: "It's me again, here it is: we get in Saturday at 7:40pm." Click. :mad: Ok, now I've e-mailed him at home & at work and requested, once again, the carrier and the flight number. If I don't get a reply, so help me, I'm going to call him at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow, and keep calling until I get an answer.

Enjoy the pie. :)

[Anaamika]

Not even your first name? :confused:

And too much trouble to re-record? Man, you're even lazier than I am. And I'm pretty damn lazy! You hit the record button, say a message, and let go of the button, or hit another button, ro someting similar. Not that hard.
I just don't see the point! It's got a perfectly good message on it, even if it is a machine voice. I hate the sound of my voice on those things.

And I did hear that not even the first name. No, I don't see the point either, but I didn't make it up.

[Excalibre]

Stores that do not take credit/debit cards - Look, can we at least agree that it's time to get up to a 1970's level in the retail sector? I'm continually amazed by stores that are cash only - unless you're a fucking hotdong stand, you need to accept visa or visa check cards. Nobody carries cash anymore, and you - not me, the customer - looks like an archaic ass when you have to tell me that you don't take it. I've actually started to respond with "You're joking, right?" when businesses tell me that they don't take cards.
I find it pretty unacceptable when I try to pick up a gigolo and he doesn't take plastic. Seriously, what century are you living in? I just want some hot dong - what, do I have to bring a money order? Or should I bring a bear skin to barter?

More serious pissiness, though - I work on the twelfth floor of the building. It's the very top floor. Now, I come to expect that the average elevator trip is going to take approximately ten minutes while we stop at every single floor on the way. But you know what? I don't care how fucking close friends you are with someone who works on another floor. Do not stand in the elevator door after you get off, or hold it open, so you can continue your little chat with your pal who's still on the elevator. THE GODDAMN ELEVATOR DOOR WHILE OTHERS ARE WAITING INSIDE IT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION! EXCALIBRE KILL YOU NOW!

[Carol the Impaler]

Speaking of elevators and killing...

I was taught that you let the people get off FIRST before cramming your damn self in there. Does no one do this anymore?

[Try As I Might...]

Speaking of elevators and killing...

I was taught that you let the people get off FIRST before cramming your damn self in there. Does no one do this anymore?
I hate this!!! Hey asshole, you let people out of the tiny little room that moves up and down before you shove your selfish ass into the elevator. There is only so much space and it's full of people.

oh, oh, and then the guy or woman always has the temerity to give other people bad looks because they have to squeeze around them.

I have taken to saying, loudly, "it works a lot better if you let everyone out first!"

[YaWanna]

OK, what's up with people who. when you verbally correct them for performing a procedure wrong, they repeat back what you say as you're saying it, while you're still talking? This is just so weird, and it's a thing I've only encountered in people that I believe have low-self-esteem, but it drives me buggy.

[YaWanna]

Whoops, sorry for the punctuation typo - that should've been a comma after "who," not a period.

[Excalibre]

Speaking of elevators and killing...

I was taught that you let the people get off FIRST before cramming your damn self in there. Does no one do this anymore?
I do this, dammit! Me and like no one else! It's a reflex for me - the doors open, you hang back, wait for the elevator to empty, and then get on. We've had elevators for a hundred years now! WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL UNABLE TO COPE WITH THEM? EXCALIBRE KILL ELEVATOR JERKS!

[zagloba]

Speaking of lessons, your kid is quickly learning that if he simply cries for 3 seconds, mommy or daddy will immediately show up with a juice box or a cookie or some other sugary treat. So guess what the kid is going to do whenever he wants a sugar fix?
And even worse, the kid is learning that the way to cope with the slightest stress or pain is to consume empty calories. This is sending obesity an engraved invitation and sending a stretch limousine to pick it up.

[manx]

This Stupid. Fucking Crush. There's more, mostly to do with customers and bitchy coworker politics bust mostly I wish I wasn't so utterly and pointlessly crushed.

Hmph. Stupid brain.

[Beware of Doug]

Close Talkers, Close Walkers, and Idiots Who Have No Concept of "Personal Space"What you said, THespos. Unfortunately, we do have a concept of "Personal Space" in NY: space you take from others by getting in their faces. Get yours, because the other idiot wants to get yours, and if he doesn't act like an idiot he's a damn fool.

A particularly NY phenomenon, I think, is the Corner Hugger. This individual sticks as close as possible to the wall or building when walking around corners, the better to surprise and possibly collide with his fellows. The original intent may have been to cut around the more crowded center of the sidewalk or hall, but do it for this reason and you will do it always. There are 80-year-old Brooklyn ladies in my building who will Hug Corners in an empty basement corridor. You want to pick them up and shake them. Then you remember the osteoporosis.

[Morgyn]

Amazon wish lists. It peeves me no end that you have to change the priority for an item on every wish list it's on (I have an inclusive "wish list" and then category ones--books, movies, music . . .), instead of changing it on one and having it show up everywhere. Obviously, if you add the same thing to different lists, it winds up as two separate records in their database.

Not only that, but the only way to change your payment method is, apparently, to order an item and tell them you want to change it during checkout. I wanted to know if there was a way to update it without actually having to buy something. I wrote them about this and was sent what had to be a form e-mail back telling me that I could change my payment option when buying something. :smack:

[Cat Whisperer]

My mini-rant du jour is people who drive in Wrath of God weather like we're having today with their lights off. We're having torrential rains today for some reason (we rarely get rain this heavy), and I was driving on our local highway, which is a disaster in good conditions, and people were driving on this death-trap in virtually zero visibilty with their lights off. What kind of thought process prevents people from realizing that if you can't see anything around you, it might be a good idea to increase your own visibility? Never mind, I answered my own question - they are the only people in the universe, and if they can see, it doesn't matter if anyone else can see them.

[lorinada]

I don't pit the people who call me on the phone when I am unable or unwilling to answer such phone.

I pit the people who call again, two minutes later.

And again, three minutes later.

And again, 40 seconds later.

One little bitchette that had a crush on my son (yeah, like he'd ever be interested in a silly cretin like you) called 16 times in 10 minutes.

[ryobserver]

Speaking of elevators and killing...

I was taught that you let the people get off FIRST before cramming your damn self in there. Does no one do this anymore?

No, and they don't do that on buses or subways, either. There could be a dozen people lined up waiting to get off and people will still insist on jumping in the second the door opens. People, the driver saw you standing there, he or she is not going to go off and leave you, and it'll be so much easier to get yourself and your 6 shopping bags and your 3 kids on board if you let everyone else get off first.

Then there are people who insist on confusing the issue by spending their entire trip standing in the subway car door (or the back door on buses). There is only one excuse ever for standing in the door on mass transit, and that is that you are getting off at the next stop. Otherwise, move in. And if there are empty seats, sit down, so people don't have to squeeze down the aisle past your big bags or big backpack or big ass. (If you won't sit down, go WAY back so you block as little of the aisle as possible. I do this when I take luggage on the bus.) The seat will not give you cooties. If you're too precious to sit on a city bus seat, don't get on a city bus. Or are you one of those people who piss all over public toilet seats rather than sit down?

[Telperien]

My ire this week is reserved for:

Car drivers who like to honk at pedestrians for no apparent reason. I can see why you'd do it if said pedestrian was about to step in front of you or something, but not when she is standing there, minding her own business, waiting for the light to change. It about makes me lose my shit. And no, I don't know you, which is the only other acceptable (slightly) reason for you to honk at me.

People who don't answer e-mails after they've begged you to get back to them.

People who come into the lab and raise all kinds of hell just because I dared to ask them for their IDs. It's a rule, people. A tiny little rule. Poke a hole in the card and attach it to your keychain so you can flash it at me and the other lab drones. It would make our days. I am not asking to see your ID for any reason other than I have to, and if my boss comes by and catches me not doing it, he will bitch at me. Strangely enough, I do not like to be bitched at. Hard to believe, I know, since I stand here so meekly listening to your bitching.

[Ace309]

The guy down the hall. I live in student housing (mainly because the rent for my law school apartment is lower than it would be for a studio this size anywhere else in the area), and so of course I expect around this time of year to have new first-years. Most of them are cool, but one is a Computer Science guy who just graduated last year after three semesters or something of straight As. (Yes, good for him! He must have worked very hard.) He speaks very rapidly and very loudly, and his CompSci background seems to have taught him that there is a Best Answer for everything. As a result, he blathers on and on talking about how everything the school does is wrong and asking me for the "formula" for one of his professor's exams (I happened to have several of his profs last year for the same courses). He distills the advice down to things like "Okay, so I don't need to remember facts" and then goes on to tell me he's "going to go politic tonight." News flash: If you tell people you're working them, it doesn't work.

Faculty Advisors. I'm working on a note for my journal. The main topic fits well within my journal's purview but contains policy questions suited for a Family Law professor. I can't, however, get a Family Law guy to oversee it because they're all "assigned" to another journal, so I'm likely going to have to learn that aspect of it along with one of the profs assigned to my journal. Their numbers are slanted toward one of the narrower topics covered by our journal because the school has a few big names that like to work together.

My stupid subconscious. Listen, Subconscious. I'm dating my girlfriend, not that other girl. STOP GIVING ME DREAMS ABOUT THAT OTHER GIRL.

[Stinkum]

I pit my crappy, rotting teeth -- and myself for letting myself get to this point. I had two teeth pulled Thurs., an emerged wisdom and the one next to it, which had rotted to the point of screaming pain. I have one on the other side that needs to come out shortly, plus have a root canal and cavity-filling session to look forward to in the next few months. Without insurance. Dental phobia will catch up with ya!

I hereby pit the maroons who call the paper and ask how often a weekly paper is distributed. Either my IQ is getting higher, the general population's is getting lower, I don't know. The correct answer is "once a week -- and it's a miracle you can read the paper. Do you just look at the pretty pictures?" Now move along.

I don't care how many fucking e-mails I get from you, you corporate slutbag, I will NOT contribute to the United Way. I contribute to the charities I believe in directly, thank you. And while you're at it, stop sending chipper e-mails about how much fun you're all having at the Bake Sale, Luau, Cookout or whatever at HQ downtown and asking us to join you. Fuck you -- everyone here is WORKING -- you know, that thing you're supposed to be doing on company time? We have two people putting the paper together by Tuesday night. Fuck off.

There. I feel better. Don't you?

[Anaamika]

People who don't answer e-mails after they've begged you to get back to them.


Oh dear. I hope this isn't directed at me. I'll get right on that e-mail back to you dear, I'm so sorry. :o

[Telperien]

Oh dear. I hope this isn't directed at me. I'll get right on that e-mail back to you dear, I'm so sorry. :o

No, it's not about you. It's about someone else. Sorry.

I wasn't waiting or checking my inbox compulsively, no, not at all.

[Arianne aka Hey You!]

I just don't see the point! It's got a perfectly good message on it, even if it is a machine voice. I hate the sound of my voice on those things.

And I did hear that not even the first name. No, I don't see the point either, but I didn't make it up.

Back when I was single, my machine used to say "Hi, this is <first name>. The boys and I are busy right now, so ..."


The boys in question are feline, but no one ever bothered me. I also used to use the line about "Hi, I can't pick up the phone right now, I have a cat in my lap. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as he gets down." Cat people understood, people who knew me laughed, and who cares about anyone else? Of course, while I was job hunting I changed it to something normal and stodgy. When job hunting all humor bets are off, sadly.

[Arianne aka Hey You!]

Regarding leaving messages, I had to deal with a gentleman who used to leave me the most unhelpful messages at work. "Hi, this is Val. Call me back." And that was it. After 6 months of telling him that if he left me his name, his number, his company name, and what he needed I could have it ready for him when I called him back, he finally managed to leave me his name and company name. Well, I suppose that 2 out of 4 isn't all bad. Sigh.

My favorite, though, was when I worked for a home builder. Minor backstory here: I worked in accounting and dealt with closing statements. When a home closed, I checked over the paperwork, pulled our copies, and took the originals to the executives for signature. Not bad work, and very profitable when I bought my own home some years later. On this particular occasion, we received the closing statements in the late morning, ready for the president's signature. I checked them over, and left them with his secretary, since he was out of the office. The title company called me a couple of times about when they might be ready. They were very polite and had an excellent reason for asking. A Stupid Realtor. I don't class all realtors this way, just this one. She was driving the title company up the proverbial wall demanding her commission, which she would not receive until the signed documents were back at the title company. So, they asked if they could give her my name and number. I agreed, thinking she might accept the truth from me, since she didn't believe them. She duly called, whining and demanding. I told her that the documents were on Mr. <President's> desk and that he was out of the office. She demanded to know when he would be back. I responded icily "I'm sorry, Mr. <President> doesn't consult ME with his schedule." :rolleyes: I also offered to call her when the documents were back in my hands. My coworkers were somewhat suprised, but amused when they heard her side of the conversation.

[Cat Whisperer]

I don't mind at all when people don't leave proper messages - delete and forget about it. If it's important, they'll call back and possibly have grown a brain by then.

[Giant_Spongess]

I pit the piece of popcorn I just inhaled. ARRRGH! It was the first piece of the entire bag, and it tried to assassinate me!

You know what I really hate? People who overuse ellipses. It's not necessary to replace every single comma and period with three dots! REally, it isn't! I know they exist to denote pauses in speech, but nobody speaks like that unless they're really wimpy and trail off at the end of every statement (like some I know and want to strangle). It's completely petty, but incredibly irritating to try to read. Call me a grammar nazi, I don't care. The Nazis got results, yo.*

Another thing I need to pit--person, actually--is a girl named Angelica. She represents all the things I hate about all the people I've ever hated. All I have ever seen her do is:

1. Agree with people, even when said people are mocking her religion.

2. Act so pathetic all I want to do is shoot her to get her out of my misery.

Speaking of religion, she's a fervent Wiccan, and that's no good at all. Wicca has that unfortunate property of attracting the extremely weak-willed, which Angelica has enough sense to recognise, but not enough sense to realise that she's one of them.
Angelica speaks as I was describing above, starting out incredibly nasal and high-pitched and slowly trailing off into a nervous giggle. She's also physically repugnant, with huge, cow-like eyes and even huger udders. When she walks, her barely-covered bosom jiggles like plastic sacks filled with liquid. She doesn't just have melons, she has watermelons. In sum, she is the stupidest, weakest, most pathetic human being I have ever known. I have to avoid her, since I keep a knife on me at all times and I'm afraid I might stab her with it--not that it'd do any harm since it's not likely to penetrate the layer of fat that sheathes her.

Oh, and she calls herself "Angel" and always stinks of incense.

Okay. I think I'm done, now.


*This Callous Remark brought to you by your local Politically Incorrect Store. Stop in today!

[Anaamika]

No, it's not about you. It's about someone else. Sorry.

I wasn't waiting or checking my inbox compulsively, no, not at all.
Don't be sorry! I can guess who it's about, and am glad it's not me.

[Telperien]

Don't be sorry! I can guess who it's about, and am glad it's not me.

No, wrong again. ;) It's work-related for once.

Stupid boss.

[lizardling]

The unpitted Sicilian olive that tried to spontaneously leap down my windpipe instead of meekly lying atop my tongue and waiting for its disembowelment. I thank Og I have a strong gag reflex, or you people would be reading my obit and thinking, "well, at least it wasn't a pretzel."

Myself, for trying to use my Dyson to vaccuum the shag-cat-fur-upholstery off my futon this weekend. Now my upper back hates me. Unfortunately the attachments don't do much to remove said upholstery. :(

The reek that spoiled half my movie-viewing-experience of the Brothers Grimm with a friend in the Pac 11 theater downtown. If you guys have ever smelled the spices that you use on roast turkeys, right? Hold that image in your head now... Now turn it singularly sour and penetrating. That's approximately what it smelled like. I had to resort to using the orange essential oil lotion I have in my bag to resist the urge to throw up or flee.

Also, if you're sitting in the veeeeeerrrryyy back of the theater, the fact that your yakking could bother my friend from our seats TWO THIRDS OF THE WAY UP during reasonably noisy parts of the movie should clue you in that a) The art of silence during a movie is a lost one, and b) You're TOO GODDAMN LOUD SO STFU.

[Anne Neville]

My stupid subconscious. Listen, Subconscious. I'm dating my girlfriend, not that other girl. STOP GIVING ME DREAMS ABOUT THAT OTHER GIRL.

To my subconscious: I have my Master's degree. I have graduated from college. I have graduated from high school and middle school, as well. You've had 4 years to process the first, and more for the others. So WHY must you give me dreams where I'm back in middle school, high school, college, or grad school? And why must I wake up and spend a couple minutes wondering, as I wake up, if my waking life or the dream is actually real?

[Misnomer]

My ex-best friend, whom I haven't seen or spoken to in 4 years: Don't fucking send me an e-mail -- at my work address, which I know you got from Google -- out of the blue because you just found out that a mutual friend of ours from high school died (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=274196). Don't tell me you're shocked and ask me for more information like it hasn't been 4 years, and like I didn't tell you repeatedly to never, ever contact me again. What the fuck are you thinking?? :mad:

[LavenderBlue]

I pit my reproductive system.

This afternoon I will drink forty ounces of water and experience the wonder of a vaginal ultrasound. Not to hear a baby's heartbeat or watch it wiggle on a monitor while we giggle about the sex. But to find out why I my empty uterus is spotting instead of getting pregnant.

I hate my body. :(

[Anne Neville]

My email, for being down this afternoon. Grr.

Drivers who don't look for pedestrians when turning right in busy downtown areas, until they nearly hit the pedestrians in question.

Drivers who honk at the driver in front of them, who is waiting for pedestrians to cross before turning.

Coworkers who call me on the phone instead of coming to my office. We're all on the same hallway, doofus.

Cities in the Bay Area that have beer and wine festivals, and don't have shuttles between BART (the subway system) and the festivals. Way to encourage drinking & driving, idiots.

[Siege]

To the drivers on either side of me at rush hour: Yes, I know there's about a car length of empty space between me and the car ahead of me. No, I'm not so nice a person that I was saving that space just for your vehicle. That space exists for my safety not your vehicle. You see, I'm a cheap little bitch and I don't want to rear-end someone or be rear-ended. I also know the more lane changing you do, the more you slow down both lanes of traffic. How do I know this? Simple. I've seen two lanes of traffic come to a dead halt from a slow crawl because someone is insisting on fitting his car into a gap that's too small. Keep out of that gap! This goes double if you're not using your #$%#! turn signal!

Thank you.

By the way, Anne Neville, I echo your complaint about designers who don't think women need pockets!

CJ

[bouv]

My mini-rant du jour is people who drive in Wrath of God weather like we're having today with their lights off. We're having torrential rains today for some reason (we rarely get rain this heavy), and I was driving on our local highway, which is a disaster in good conditions, and people were driving on this death-trap in virtually zero visibilty with their lights off. What kind of thought process prevents people from realizing that if you can't see anything around you, it might be a good idea to increase your own visibility? Never mind, I answered my own question - they are the only people in the universe, and if they can see, it doesn't matter if anyone else can see them.

I cannot possibly agree more. I HATE drivers who do not turn on lights in bad weather conditions. And I know what their argument will be:
"But I don't see any better."

Hey, dipshit! Haven't you ever noticed how much easier it is to see other cars when they have their lights on?

Another peeve of mine is driving with parking lights on. They are parking lights. To use if you are parking or parked, Why the fuck are you driving with them on? It takes JUST AS MUCH EFFORT to turn the lights on all the way. Hell, I find it takes less, because it's easier to just turn the knob till it stops than to turn it just half a turn ever so lightly.

[vivalostwages]

Rantin' time:

My cousin has finally flipped out. He was always on the verge, but his dad's death last year did him in. Or maybe he self-sabotaged. Anyhow....He's not good as a money manager, is probably very deep in debt and near bankruptcy. So how does he plan to handle this? By dragging his sister into court and saying that he should have had more money from their dad's estate, claiming that she committed financial elder abuse, and who knows what else.
I hope he doesn't really have a case, but if he does, his sister has asked me if I'll be one of her character witnesses. She doesn't want me to mention this to my folks, but I don't see how I'll be able to keep it a secret if I wind up having to go to court.

So thanks a lot, cuz, for pissing all over your dad's memory and making false accusations against your sister, who spent years taking care of your dad. (Yes, I was there a lot and I know.)

[Anne Neville]

Another peeve of mine is driving with parking lights on. They are parking lights. To use if you are parking or parked, Why the fuck are you driving with them on? It takes JUST AS MUCH EFFORT to turn the lights on all the way. Hell, I find it takes less, because it's easier to just turn the knob till it stops than to turn it just half a turn ever so lightly.

Parking lights in general. Why make it so easy to not be sure if you've got the headlights or the parking lights on? Just put the parking lights on a separate control, already.

Food. Why is it that all the good stuff (like sour cream, and cheese, and guacamole (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=334650)) is bad for you? Why can't it be the tasteless stuff like iceberg lettuce that's bad for you?

[Anne Neville]

I cannot possibly agree more. I HATE drivers who do not turn on lights in bad weather conditions. And I know what their argument will be:
"But I don't see any better."

I've heard a different argument: "I have automatic headlights on my car, and they don't turn on when it rains." Did you drive without headlights at night, too, all those years before you had automatic headlights? :rolleyes: Actually, for some of the people who make this argument: don't answer that, I don't think I want to know.

[Anne Neville]

Giant_Spongess, it's highly ironic that a sponge would pit someone for being spineless. :D

[zagloba]

Parking lights in general. Why make it so easy to not be sure if you've got the headlights or the parking lights on? Just put the parking lights on a separate control, already.
What are parking lights for, anyway? Why have a switch position that turns them on without headlights at all?

[Sierra Indigo]

Username. It's not a hard concept. If I ask for a username, or a log-in name, then I don't want your life story, or your home address, or anything else. I want the name you told us you wanted to log in with, when you first set up your internet account. I don't need your password, and I don't care what your hotmail email address is.

If you can't remember your username, and you make me search through your surname, date of birth, postcode, phone number and/or billing information, and then it turns out to be your own full fucking name, then I reserve the right to send an electric shock through the phone line, and blow your ass to kingdom come.

[ParentalAdvisory]

People whom are paid to be on-call support in the middle of the night, and get all indignant when I call them in the middle of the night. Look fucker, it is my job to call you when something goes wrong. And you are paid to receive my call when something goes wrong. If you don't like it, I'll take your fucking $80,000 salary and wipe my ass with it and shove it down your fucking throat. Don't sign up for 24/7 support if your bitch-ass can't handle it! I'm up and 3 a.m., you can be too!

[THespos]

Nic fits are over with. Now I'm just ranting because I feel like it.

Brain-pickers - I refer to those who call my office and ask me if they can pick my brain for a while. Sometimes I've never even met these people, yet they would like to rifle through my collected knowledge and experience like some overzealous student goes through a library card catalog looking for research paper material. And then they get offended when I have to pitch them on paying a fee. You see, we get paid for strategy work and we like to make money. So don't get all snotty when I've never met you before, you ask to pick my brain, and I propose a fee. That's what I fucking get paid for. As much as I'd like to help you out, I'd like to be able to make my mortgage payments more.

People who don't use the freight elevator, but should - If you work in an office building, you know the type. Too good for the crummy service elevator, and perfectly willing to put everyone in the building out of their way in order to prove it. "Oh, pardon me while I take these 16 boxes of T-shirts up to 12..." Use the freight elevator! "Do you mind if I stop at every floor on the way down to deliver the mail?" Yes, I fucking do, because I'd like to get to the ground floor before the weekend. Use the freight elevator! That's what it's for - Hauling freight up and down so that the people using the passenger elevator (which includes several clients who spend a shitload of money with me) don't have to be inconvenienced.

[bouv]

People who don't use the freight elevator, but should - If you work in an office building, you know the type. Too good for the crummy service elevator, and perfectly willing to put everyone in the building out of their way in order to prove it. "Oh, pardon me while I take these 16 boxes of T-shirts up to 12..." Use the freight elevator! "Do you mind if I stop at every floor on the way down to deliver the mail?" Yes, I fucking do, because I'd like to get to the ground floor before the weekend. Use the freight elevator! That's what it's for - Hauling freight up and down so that the people using the passenger elevator (which includes several clients who spend a shitload of money with me) don't have to be inconvenienced.

More elevator rants:

For the love of God, are you so fucking lazy you have to take the elevator up (or even worse, down) one floor? Everyone knows that the elevators here take forever to come to your floor when you call them, take fice times as lnog for the door to close, are very slow at actually moving, and are usually ten degrees warmer than the rest of the hospital. I routinely have to go from the basement to the 2nd floor. When you count the ground floor, I have to go up three floors. You know what? i wuold LVOE to take the stairs, because peopel like you make the elevator take longer, but, as you can see, I have to push this little carty full of my test equipment and tools. It's much harder for me to carry that up the stairs than it is for you to walk. But no, because you're so bitch-ass lazy, you have to taske the elevator from the ground floor to the first floor. You know what that means? I have to stop at every floor.

Point #2: Know what floor you need to get off at. This is not a problem for staff here, but apparantly not a single patient/visitor/rep/vendor can read either the little lighted number above the door telling you what floor it ios, nor can they read the large floor directory greeting you when the elevator door opens. None of the floors look alike, with the exception of the first and second. But, since 99% of the people who do this are coming from the first floor and gonig down, that doesn't matter. You alwayus have to step off the elevator as soon as the door opens, assuming it HAS to be your fllor, because no one on the other floor could possibly want to go down. Granted, many of them SHOULDN'T be going down one measly floor, but sometimes they have to, like they also have large things that are awkward to carry up stairs, or in a wheelchair, or a paitent in a gurney being moved. But you have to assume your floor is the only one that amstters, abrge out and awlk aroudn for nine seconds, and come racing back right as the door finishes closing, forcing me to hit the door open button so you can get your ass back on and wait for the door to close (and these doors are the SLOWEST closing doors I have ever seen.) Pay attention!

Note: I awknowledge that some people do have trouble going up stairs, but I would say a good 95% of the population can go up one floor with no problem.

[SnakesCatLady]

About the car lights thing - I realized I needed to turn my lights on more often that I had been doing when I noticed one drizzly day I could hardly distinguish between the silvery grey of the Jeeps hood and the silvery grey of the road. Now I turn my lights on if the sun goes behind a cloud!

[Anne Neville]

People who leave time on the microwave after they're finished with it. It's a microwave, not a frickin' parking meter. There is no advantage for someone coming in later to find a microwave with time left on it. Didn't they teach you to "leave it the way you found it" in kindergarten?

More elevator rants:

For the love of God, are you so fucking lazy you have to take the elevator up (or even worse, down) one floor?

I pit building designs that make it much more inconvenient to take the stairs than the elevator. My apartment building, for example. To take the elevator, I go out to the elevator and get on. I am under a roof at all times, so I do not care if it is raining. I come out near the parking garage on the ground level. To take the stairs, my only option is to take the stairs that come out outside the building on the ground level. I have to use my passcode to get back into the building, and get wet if it's raining out. Why couldn't we have a staircase that starts and ends inside the building? :eek:

[BiblioCat]

For the love of God, are you so fucking lazy you have to take the elevator up (or even worse, down) one floor?I'll admit to doing this in a building where I used to work. We had to go down to the lobby to pick up the mail, and it was just two flights. I would have prefered to use the stairs, and they were right there at the end of the hall just outside the office. The stairs opened up right at the lobby. To use the elevator, I had to walk down the hall, wait for the elevator, and then walk back to the lobby.
But... the stairs were always dirty and horribly smelly and more often than not, the lights were broken, and the handrails were always sticky. I wasn't walking down two flights in the dark, on dirty sticky steps, holding a wet, sticky handrail.

[Giant_Spongess]

I pit the "welcome back to school!" plague that literally hit me overnight. My immune system held out for three weeks, but finally gave way...argh! Stupid humidity for making me wheeze, stupid air conditioning for making me cough, stupid fluorescent lights stabbing my eyes with their vicious flickerings! Stupid nose suddenly running like a faucet, stupid throat for swelling up, and especially stupid lungs for not functioning! Arrrrgh!!


*cough, cough*


*wheeze*

[ryobserver]

Why couldn't we have a staircase that starts and ends inside the building? :eek:

Because the idiot architects thought stairs were optional, and only put in a fire stair because they had to. That's why it ends outside the building: so people fleeing a fire will end up outside where they should be. Be thankful for fire codes, or lots of buildings wouldn't have stairs at all.

[Anne Neville]

Is it just me, or are the boards unusually slow today?

Because the idiot architects thought stairs were optional, and only put in a fire stair because they had to.

These would be the same idiot architects who gave us two phone jacks in a two-bedroom apartment: one in the kitchen beside the stove, and one in the master bedroom. In a building that was new when we moved in in 2003. We had to get a wireless network to use the smaller bedroom for an office.

I guess I should just be grateful the faucets turn the right way for hot and cold water. I've been in motels where they had that backwards.

[SnakesCatLady]

The electrical plugs in my house were all installed upside down. I hadn't really noticed it until I bought a plug-in air freshener, which specifically states "do not plug in upside down".

Grrrrrrrrrr.

[Telperien]

Dear cow-orker: I have only been working here a few months. Therefore, I do not yet recognize all my cow-orkers...especially the ones I haven't worked with yet. So do not get snippy with me when I politely ask for your ID.

Bitch.

[bouv]

The electrical plugs in my house were all installed upside down. I hadn't really noticed it until I bought a plug-in air freshener, which specifically states "do not plug in upside down".

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Never work in a hospital. It seems all the outlets are ground plug up.

[Morgyn]

The electrical plugs in my house were all installed upside down. I hadn't really noticed it until I bought a plug-in air freshener, which specifically states "do not plug in upside down".HGTV just had a show on the National Hardware Show. Someone's come up with an outlet that rotates.

[JerH]

The electrical plugs in my house were all installed upside down. I hadn't really noticed it until I bought a plug-in air freshener, which specifically states "do not plug in upside down".
I once lived in an apartment (in a 15-floor building with about 400 or so units, all of which I assume were wired the same way) in which every light switch was put in upside down. I suspect there is a clan of electricians with upside down faces out there.

[Frank]

The electrical plugs in my house were all installed upside down. I hadn't really noticed it until I bought a plug-in air freshener, which specifically states "do not plug in upside down".
My apartment has both upside down and right side up plugs. The upside down ones are the ones controlled by a switch. I thought that was nice.

[Anne Neville]

And now for a really random and petty rant:

Roman Numerals and My Brain

I just can't seem to get Roman numerals "down" like I have with regular Arabic numerals. I can look at the number 23 and immediately know what it means. But, if you give me XXIII, I have to do the math to figure it out- I don't know just by looking. I pit my brain for not being able to figure out Roman numerals without translating them.

Why are Roman numerals used so often, anyway?

[Anaamika]

Ooo, I have one.

If you're driving along at, say 65 mph.
And you need to merge to another highway, which intersects you a little and then splits off. (Side by side).
And you look over, and the other people are also doing 65.
Why in the name of all that is holy would you suddenly slow down to 40? It screws them up, it screws the people behind you up. You're supposed to match their speed, fucker.

[LavenderBlue]

People who design paint cans.

I was painting my living room last night and nearly wedged a knuckle off trying to heave the top off the damned can. Why can't you create a lid that doesn't require sacrificial body parts to open?

[Rocketeer]

People who design paint cans.

I was painting my living room last night and nearly wedged a knuckle off trying to heave the top off the damned can. Why can't you create a lid that doesn't require sacrificial body parts to open?

We bought some paint the other day, Behr brand perhaps, which was in a plastic wide-mouth jug with a screw-on top and a built-in pour spout. Oh, god, it was heavenly.

[LavenderBlue]

We bought some paint the other day, Behr brand perhaps, which was in a plastic wide-mouth jug with a screw-on top and a built-in pour spout. Oh, god, it was heavenly.

Now that's good design.

More rant:

This is New Jersey, not a third world nation. Just because it's raining outside does not mean my power should go off three times in an hour.

Cat, I've fed you three times today. Follow me around the house all you want, you still aren't getting any more food.

[eenerms]

Four way stops. People you are to take turns AFTER the stop. Stopping because the car in front of you doesn't count as your stop. WAIT your turn!

[Cat Whisperer]

I need to Pit car salemen - every stereotype about them is turning out to be true, I'm finding. How can you tell a salesman is lying? His mouth is moving. What a bunch of self-serving, pandering, lying, thieving, cheating, bastards. All I want is a nice, new car for a reasonable price - I don't want to be handled, treated like a rube, talked down to, and outright lied to. Wankers.

[Odinoneeye]

If I am in the center lane, and you are behind me in the left lane and there is a large gap between you and the car in front of you. Then, I turn on my left turn signal, this means I wish to enter into the left lane. This does not mean I want you to floor it and come up next to me. Thank you.

Also, if I'm in the center lane and have my right turn signal on, and you are behind me, I wish to enter into the right lane. Now if there are cars there and I need to slow down to let them pass, do not suddenly jump in the right lane and zoom past me, then jump back into the center lane. Wait a second and let me get out of your way.

Apparently there's a part in the driver's ed class that says, "it's perfectly acceptable to be an ass while behind the wheel of your car."

[The New Guy]

Mini-work rants:

I hate when someone calls and asks for someone who isn't here. I then ask if I can take a message. They say, "Uhhh... does he have a voicemail?"

Ha! Great one. Folks sure does loves them some voicemail. We don't have voicemail, we just have a plain old answering machine. Thing is, my boss asks me to take down all the messages off the answering machine. So I have to explain to them that they could leave a message on the machine, but that I would just be transcribing it anyway, so they may as well skip a step and just give me the message. Really freaks 'em out most of the time. They can't comprehend our primitive ways. ;) Can't tell you how many people press 'pound' after leaving a message on the machine, too, even though nowhere in the outgoing message does it say to do so.

The real problem is that they want to blather on all day on the voicemail, and my boss doesn't want to listen to them blather on all day. And I'm stuck in the middle. :smack:

Anyway, on to my rant:

When you come to a stop sign, you just have to stop, THAT'S ALL. You can immediately proceed again. What's with people who stop, and then just sit there like they're waiting for an engraved invitation to go again? And here's the deal, you nutsacks: If I stop at my stop sign, and you got there first, but you're just sitting there contemplating your navel, I'm gonna go ahead and GO. I'm not waiting all day for you to get your head out of the clouds. So don't pick THAT - EXACT - MOMENT to all of a sudden decide that you've got to GO GO GO, because you suddenly realized that I was gonna get ahead of you, WAAAAH!, and don't develop a split personality where you're instantly this aggressive person who's gonna fight me to the death to prevent me from going first, where 20 seconds ago you were sitting there like your car was a permanent part of the landscape. You HAD your chance, loser. You snooze, you lose.

[BoBettie]

Ahhh! Makes perfect sense! And my latest:

Mysterious callers whose only apparent mission is to find out whether my phone works:

Yeah, you know who you are! For two weeks now, my caller ID indicates that you've been calling me at least twice per day, but you never leave a message. This evening, I finally lost patience and actually answered the call. (Normally, if it IDs as "Private Number," I don't answer.) So, two ringy-dingies, I say hello, and you hang up? WTF?


*WARNING. DANGER WILL ROBINSON!*

I had this happen when I lived in NY- someone would call from a Rochester area code seriously like 3 times a night for about 2 months with no message. The reverse lookup thing didn't work, so I kept ignoring it. I had an issue a while back with the Red Cross calling me constantly from that area code and I didn't feel like dealing with them again and telling them for the umpteen time to take me off their fucking calling list.

Finally one night I answered the goddamned phone and I hear "BoBettie? It's me, Asswipe, your ex boyfriend from fucking 15 years ago. How are you?"

Apparently he'd called my parents house and my mother gave him my number. I was stunned silent and made some brief small talk before I finally got off the phone. It was a shock I don't care to relive.

As a sidenote, he married a psychotic beyotch who had/has a genuine hatred for me. You don't know how tempted I was to call the number back the next day when he was at work and leave a message: "Hi asshole, this is BoBettie calling. I SO enjoyed our conversation last night, and yes- it looks like I CAN come up and visit in two weeks. OH, I can't WAIT to catch up on all the old times. Bye Snookums!!"

I didn't do it, but I wished I had. What business did this ass have calling me after all that time? HE dumped ME to go back with his psycho girl/now wife. That means we're done and I'm not here to satisfy HIS curiosity of how my life turned out. Perhaps he was expecting me to say it was ruined and all I ever did was walk around in his old t-shirts remembering. Um, no.

Well, there's my mini- rant. Fucking people you don't want to talk to calling you out of the blue with that "do you know how this is?" This isn't "This is Your Life", motherfucker- say who you are and what your business is with me.

[Pedro]

Assholes with no respect for animals

I pit assholes who will harass a pet when it obviously wants to be left alone, thinking it's funny or having a power trip or whatever the hell their problem is and then get offended when it finally scratches/bites/pees on them.

[ParentalAdvisory]

But, if you give me XXIII, I have to do the math to figure it out- I don't know just by looking.

I do this. Just be glad that you can do this. I know some people that'll stare at it for days, trying to figure it out. I never memorized them as a whole, I just learned to equate the symbols with numbers, and do the math.

[Innuendo Hunter]

a lot

not

alot

I'm so tired of seeing people write "alot"!!

Thank you!

[calstateworker]

I can't stand people who leave long detailed voice mails with a lot more info than I need to know. They do this slowly, carefully stretching out and clearly enunciating each word. Finally, finally they get to the end and get ready to leave their phone number. All of a suddent they're speed demons. They get the whole number out within a second. There's no way I can get the whole number down on one pass. So I have to listen to the whole damn thing again. Most annoying :mad:

[Anne Neville]

I do this. Just be glad that you can do this. I know some people that'll stare at it for days, trying to figure it out. I never memorized them as a whole, I just learned to equate the symbols with numbers, and do the math.

It takes me a while. I have a math degree, so I'm utterly hopeless at doing arithmetic in my head.

[AWB]

What's the difference between an ATM card and a debit card?

Mine are the same card.

Years ago, ATM-only cards could only be used at ATM, not at store counters for purchases. They even had their own account number that was completely unlike a credit card number.

Then came check cards, aka debit cards. You could use them whereever credit cards could be used, but they took the money straight from your checking. (This came in helpful when a car repair shop wouldn't take cash or check from me, but only a credit card.)

Check cards confused people at first, because people would use them, then be shocked to see that their checking was empty!

But now, ATM cards are almost all check cards, with Mastercard or Visa account numbers. You can purchase using it as a credit card or as a debit card; the latter with a usual $0.25 surcharge. But along with that surcharge is the ability (many times) to get extra cash out at the merchant site. So it ends up being cheaper to buy a cheap something at a store, ask for $20 extra back, and just pay the 25 cent surcharge, rather than going to a foreigh ATM and paying $2 extra there and $2 from your bank.

[MaxTheVool]

I'm sick of people whining about CGI in movie threads, like "oh, it was a good movie, but it had too much CGI" or "I remember when movies had REAL special effects, with little models and stuff, not all this CGI" or "that scene [which 99% of the population thought looked fine and impressive] had SUCH fake CGI that only a total moron would not have been completely distracted by the fakeness of the CGI" and so forth.

CGI is a tool. It can (and has been) misused. It has also allowed incrediby awesome things that could not possibly have been done any other way. It has also allowed some surprisingly not-CGI-seeming things to be done, such as the scene in A Beautiful Mind in which the baby almost drowns. It is a good thing. Have more tools is always better.

If some filmmakers don't know when and how to use it, then those filmmakers would probably be misusing some OTHER effect if CGI didn't exist. Don't blame CGI, blame them.


Similarly unfairly bashed is wire fu.


Oh, and I pit my stupid wireless mouse which constantly thinks it has low batteries, and informs me of this via intrusive popup window, even when it does not.

[Spectre of Pithecanthropus]

You see where there is a strip of brick paving in the road between the parking garage and the office? That's a []i]crosswalk[/i]. It's for the use of pedestrians who need to walk between the parking garage and the office.

You see how at either end of this crosswalk there's a curb cut? The curb cut is there so that people with heavy, wheeled briefcases--and even luggage--for we get a lot of business travellers, can easily make their way across the street.

So don't stop your car when you're picking someone up or dropping them off. It totally defeats the purpose of the crosswalk--and more imporatly, the curb cuts--when there is a massive SUV stopped right at the curbcut.

[Anne Neville]

I pit my right big toe.

In my first year of college, I tripped over my roommate's backpack and (I think) broke my toe. They never X-rayed it at the health center, because they said the treatment was the same whether it was broken or not.

Ever since then, it has periodically started to hurt again. It used to be correlated to the weather, but that's become less reliable since I moved to California.

It's been hurting again lately. And the worst part is, when I walk I'm evidently compensating somehow, so now the outside of my foot (by my little toe) and my calf are hurting, too :mad:

[The New Guy]

In my first year of college, I tripped over my roommate's backpack and (I think) broke my toe. They never X-rayed it at the health center, because they said the treatment was the same whether it was broken or not.

Who'd you see, Dr. Nick Riviera (http://www.worldwide-web.com/JeffreyBabad/Simpsons/Nick/)? :eek:

[Anne Neville]

Who'd you see, Dr. Nick Riviera (http://www.worldwide-web.com/JeffreyBabad/Simpsons/Nick/)? :eek:

Student health center. Sometimes you get very good care at those, sometimes... not.

[no screen name for now]

No, I'm not talking about stuffing envelopes. I'm a medical transcriptionist and I've worked from home for the past 12 years.

I started training with a new company on Thursday. Thursday and Friday went fine. I was allowed to type 2 puny reports on Thursday and 5 puny reports on Friday, for which I make a whopping $10.00/hour (I make about 20-25/hour when I'm working on production). I HAVE to work for 16 hours on training pay. :dubious: They're supposed to review these reports and send them back to me. They did that on Thursday, but not on Friday...uh...hello? It's Monday now, you morons, and I STILL don't have my reviewed reports back.

In addition, my trainer went away this week. She said she was going to send me an email to let me know who to talk to on Monday about what they needed me to do, but did she? HELL NO!

So THEN, I get an email from the Regional Director of my area of the country saying that I can't send history and physical reports to the document completion department. So I send HER an email back saying that I'm in training and I was told that EVERYTHING I type while I'm in training has to go through document completion so they can make sure they didn't hire someone with brain damage, and should that work type be removed from my work pool while I'm in training.

She sent me one back and said, "Yeah, it probably should. Could you do that?" NO I CAN'T DO THAT YOU JACKASS!!! :wally This is my history with the company so far...I have 2 days and a total of 7 reports under my belt with this company. My trainer abandoned me and didn't tell me who to talk to about what I was supposed to do in her absence and now YOU'RE telling me that I did something wrong even though I did EXACTLY what I was supposed to do! AND!!! AND!!! YOU STUPID PENCIL-PUSHING TWAT WHO HAS NO IDEA HOW TO DO WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING!!! You're telling ME to fix something that can only be fixed from the hospital that my reports are being slung through cyberspace to from Colorado (the hospital I work for is in California). :smack: Yeah, okay...lemme just rip the cord out of the modem and jam it in my ear and hope that it can run on psychic fucking intention and I'll get that taken care of for ya, Cookie.

THIS is the regional fucking manager?????

My resume is on Monster again...these people are too stupid to run a 24-hour/7-day-a-week/365-day-a-year business. I don't care HOW long they've been doing it. Oh! OH!!! and the office people (i.e. the ones who hold the keys to my career in their hands) work from 9-5 EST, Monday-Friday. MotherFUCKER!!! And it's now 7:29 p.m. EST...I don't think I'll be getting an answer today..... :mad:

Ah, thank you...a weight has been lifted.

[no screen name for now]

It's been hurting again lately. And the worst part is, when I walk I'm evidently compensating somehow, so now the outside of my foot (by my little toe) and my calf are hurting, too :mad:

That sucks a lot.

[Anne Neville]

It might rain here this week (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/09/19/BAthunderstorm19.DTL).

It is NOT supposed to fucking rain in California in fucking SEPTEMBER.

[BiblioCat]

The Situation: I'm driving down a winding country with no stops. There are a lot of cross-streets, where drivers have to stop before proceeding. The guy in front of me (Asshole #1) puts on his left-turn signal (amazing! someone who signals a turn!) and slows down for the road ahead. But wait! There's a car waiting at that road, and he (Driver #2) wants to make a left, too, onto the road we're on.
What does Asshole #1 do? Why, he gives up his right-of-way and stops, waving at Driver #2 to go. Oh, and since I'm behind Asshole #1, I have to stop, too. There's no room to pass him. Driver #2 waves back. Asshole #1 waves again. Driver #2 waves again.
The merry waving back-and-forth continues. I'm reminded of Disney's Chip and Dale routine:
"After you."
"No, after you"
"Oh, you go first."
"No, I insist, you go first"
"Oh, please, you can go."
"Oh, no, you can go first."

After a bit more of this happy waving, BiblioCat blows a fuse and lays on the horn.
ONE OF YOU GO! PREFERABLY THE ONE WITH THE GODDAMNED RIGHT-OF-WAY!!!




The best part was Asshole #1 (the guy in front of me) jumped about a foot when I laid on the horn. It was pretty funny. I hope I scared some sense into him. :D

[BiblioCat]

Please insert the word "road" into my first sentence where it seems most appropriate.
Thanks. :)

[Giant_Spongess]

What is it with all these people using " 's" to signify plural? (Here is an example. (http://cgi.ebay.com/MONOPOLY-PIECES-200_W0QQitemZ5242704870QQcategoryZ19094QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem)) Apostrophes are signifiers of possession not plural you ignorant fuck!

[Cat Whisperer]

<snip>The merry waving back-and-forth continues. I'm reminded of Disney's Chip and Dale routine:
"After you."
"No, after you"
"Oh, you go first."
"No, I insist, you go first"
"Oh, please, you can go."
"Oh, no, you can go first."
<snip>
Just to pick a nit, it was actually Warner Brother's Goofy Gophers, Mac and Tosh (http://www.toonopedia.com/gophers.htm) who did the obnoxiously polite routine. But I catch your meaning; I believe some of the most dangerous drivers out there are the ones who don't take their right-of-way properly; it's unpredictable, and in driving, unpredictable is dangerous.

My peeve du jour is simply people who keep you waiting for appointments. Our appointment for car financing was 2:00 pm. We were there at 1:50 pm. We got in to see her at about 2:40 pm. I just hate that shit.

[zagloba]

It might rain here this week (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/09/19/BAthunderstorm19.DTL).

It is NOT supposed to fucking rain in California in fucking SEPTEMBER.
Boo, hoo. Poor us.
C'mon, that's a little weak, isn't it?

[Lobsang]

I've been losing weight. I'm down to just over one stone overweight (14 and a quarter) but I look in the mirror and all I can see is the big blob that protrudes from my belly and the double-chin.

And I miss fast food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sierra Indigo]

Just had one of my pet peeves on the phone right then - People who ring the number, then fuck off to do something else!

I don't care if you rang earlier today and there was a ten or fifteen or twenty minute wait. I don't care if you got bored after three minutes and hung up. That'll happen if you call at five forty five on the dot, when EVERYONE in the goddamned country is trying to get through (okay, exaggeration. But anyway). But if you call after eleven PM, you'd better be sitting on that phone until you hear hold music, because if I get a call in, and there's nothing but silence or voices in the distance for 60 seconds, then I'm hanging up on your ass.

[minor7flat5]

I'm down to just over one stone overweight (14 and a quarter)...I gotta know... Do you guys have scales marked in "stone" or do you simply know? I mean, I know that I'm a 14 stone guy, but only after I whip out my calculator.

[Lobsang]

I gotta know... Do you guys have scales marked in "stone" or do you simply know? I mean, I know that I'm a 14 stone guy, but only after I whip out my calculator.

Stones is the primary unit of weight for people this side of the pond. Most scales are marked in stone as far as I know.

[Cat Whisperer]

Oooh, ooh, I've got a good one. I've been in contact with Revenue Canada about once every six weeks since July, wondering what the hell they're doing with my tax return. I e-filed April 30 - it's September 20 today. E-files usually take about 2 weeks - that's how long my husband's took.

I've gotten every story you can imagine so far (including "It's done and about to get put in the mail" on Sept. 1), but the bottom line - my e-file copy is stuck in their system, they haven't done anything about it in spite of my calling regularly, and my tax return will probably be done someday. Maybe. If they can figure out why it's stuck in the system.

On the plus side, I talked with a team leader today - he suggested dropping off my paper copy to expedite things. I have a bad feeling about that, but I have the name and phone number of their problem resolution person now. She and I are going to be good friends, I can just tell.

[Sunspace]

Stones is the primary unit of weight for people this side of the pond. Most scales are marked in stone as far as I know.And are there subdivisions of pounds?

Weird.

[crazyjoe]

All right, I've resisted long enough. I'm going to pit Papa Vino's, the restaurant chain.

They used to have this awesome warm apple crisp that was part apple crisp, part cheesecake, and entirely heavenly. On more than one occasion we went there just for that dessert, and a few times I stopped and got one to go for my wonderful wife as a treat.

So, a few months back, they decided to replace the warm apple crisp with something called a warm apple crumble. Sounds similar, right?

I e-mailed their corporate folks and asked about it, pleading with them to bring back the apple crisp that I so dearly loved. No dice, I was told. However, I was assured that their executive chef liked the new apple crumble MORE than the old apple crisp.

Well, that's because the executive chef is a dipshit. The apple crumble consists of apple pie filling I could buy at any grovery store, some cinnamon, and some lady finger crumbs on top. Yeah, bucko, that really compares to the old product....

And I can't find the recipe for the apple crisp thing anywhere. Dammit.

[MizGrand]

I pit the fairly new receptionist at my work. The little bitch overheard (eavesdropped on) a conversation yesterday between myself and a coworker regarding one of our supervisors who leaves our work till the end of the month and then we have to bust our asses on the last day of the month to get all of our invoices out. Well, said receptionist didn't know who was being discussed because no names were mentioned, but went to our direct supervisor and told her that we were talking shit about her. IT WASN'T ABOUT HER! That's what I told DS when I was nastily confronted with that bit. I also saw bitchy receptionist chatting up my Manager with what I believe to be this incident. SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BITCH UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! I told her supervisor and the response was "Well, what can I say? Just mind you own business?" Umm, that's a start.

I'm gonna dog this little snot every time I see her now. I've gone out of my way since the snot started to be nice to her, asking questions about her day, job, family, etc., and she's always been cool (read COLD) in responding. Fine, if you don't like me even though you don't know me, whatever, but DON'T STIR UP SHIT FOR NO FUCKING REASON!

Og, I wish I could anonymously link her to this thread! Anyone want to volunteer? Oh, I'd have to change my username though! Any thoughts on how to get a good pay-back? :D

[ParentalAdvisory]

I don't know if this was mentioned... You ever try to plug a show on tv to someone, saying how great and funny it is? And how they should check it out sometime, and then you watch an episode with them, and it turns out to really suck! I hate that shit.

[cowgirl]

More elevator rants:

For the love of God, are you so fucking lazy you have to take the elevator up (or even worse, down) one floor?

A counter-elevator rant directed at my current building management:

I don't know how it is that the three elevators, which service a total of four floors, are so incredibly fucking slow all the time. Perhaps they need to stop for cigarette breaks or union-mandated coffee breaks or whatever, in between floors. I don't care, but it's a major pain in the ass. It may have something to do with the fact that the stairs are locked when there's not an emergency. So I need to take the elevator two floors even though I would much rather take the stairs.

And you know what makes matters worse? When you decide to renovate all the washrooms on the floor at the same time. So for six weeks, whenever we need to pee, we need to take the elevator a single floor down, and then a single floor back up. So now our already slow elevators are even slower.

Open the fucking stairwells, people! I can't see how security is an issue, because all the oh-so-important stuff we have stored here, like zoning bylaws and crates of printed-out spreadsheets from audits from years gone by, are already protected behind two different security barriers!

People who listen to I-pods while riding their bikes and don't check to make sure they're not about to crash into me. I have been watching you from the moment I knew you had to come into my lane because of the asshole who's parked in the bike lane in front of you. I knew you were going to go right in front of me without checking over your shoulder. I know you are completely clueless that I have to either slam on my brakes or swerve into a streetcar track to avoid you. I can only ring-a-ling my little bell so loudly, asshole. And if I snap and murder you they'll probably say it's MY fault.

[Frank]

It may have something to do with the fact that the stairs are locked when there's not an emergency.
I'll be astonished if this isn't completely illegal. What would you do in an emergency, wait for someone to show up with the keys? Storage in the stairway is probably completely illegal too, for the same reason of impeding emergency exits.

[FatBaldGuy]

I'll be astonished if this isn't completely illegal. What would you do in an emergency, wait for someone to show up with the keys? Storage in the stairway is probably completely illegal too, for the same reason of impeding emergency exits.Most places I have seen allow you to enter the stairwell on any floor, but will only allow you to exit at the ground level or other designated emergency exits. This satisfies the fire code, but makes it frustrating for those who want to use the stairs instead of the elevator.

[cowgirl]

I'll be astonished if this isn't completely illegal. What would you do in an emergency, wait for someone to show up with the keys? Storage in the stairway is probably completely illegal too, for the same reason of impeding emergency exits.

The fire alarm unlocks the doors automatically, either that or the alarm is tripped by opening the door. Or it could be what FatBaldGuy says. I've never tried (because I don't think the whole building should need to evacuate just because I need to pee in a hurry), I just know that you can't use the stairs unless it's an emergency.

It was even worse in the last (also government) office I worked in. For one thing it was 25 floors instead of 4, and our offices were split up on floors 15 through 17. And so we had to take the elevators CONSTANTLY. but at least there were bathrooms on every floor

One day the fire alarm went off. It was just in the "alert" phase, where you're supposed to stand by and be prepared for a full alarm. (I guess that's somewhere between "go about your business" and "collect all your personal belongings and get ready to run like hell.")

And guess what happened? As soon as the "alert" phase started, our OFFICE DOORS locked automatically! Forget the stairs, we couldn't even get out into the hallway!

[The New Guy]

People who listen to I-pods while riding their bikes and don't check to make sure they're not about to crash into me. I have been watching you from the moment I knew you had to come into my lane because of the asshole who's parked in the bike lane in front of you. I knew you were going to go right in front of me without checking over your shoulder. I know you are completely clueless that I have to either slam on my brakes or swerve into a streetcar track to avoid you. I can only ring-a-ling my little bell so loudly, asshole. And if I snap and murder you they'll probably say it's MY fault.
I don't get this one. You refer to "ringing your bell", so I'm guessing you're also on a bike (since cars generally have horns, not bells). So why would you be in a different lane? If there's a bike lane, wouldn't you both be in the bike lane?

[Dung Beetle]

Pardon me for not ranting, but I don't get mad, I just get tired. I received this e-mail today from someone who ought to have known better:
From watching the News about Hurricane Katrina in the last two weeks i have
learned ;
1. The hurricane only hit black family's property.
2. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the
hurricane.
3. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.
4. New Orleans has no white people.
5. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.
6. When you are hungry after a hurricane steal a big screen TV.
7. The hurricane did 23 billion dollars in improvements to New.Orleans:
now the city is welfare, looters and gang free and they are in.your city.
8. White folks don't make good news stories.
9. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you,
instead
bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit.card yet.
10. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts.
11. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the white folks will come get you and
give
you money for being stupid.
12. Darn it I feel so sorry for all those black folks.
13. Oh, and it is all George Bush's fault.

[The New Guy]

Wow. I never realized they were lying about how many black people were left in New Orleans. It must have been hard to photoshop all those white people out of the huge crowds of people we saw on the news.

[Cat Whisperer]

Yes, the problem resolution lady and I are getting along great. I went downtown to drop off the paper copy of my netfiled tax return yesterday (after calling team leader and problem resolution lady {PRL in future rants} and getting told a different story about the need for my receipts from both of them), went to the receptionist as instructed, and was told they never, ever, EVAR accept returns at the reception desk. I went out and dumped it in the blue box to send it to the tax centre in Winnipeg. There may have been swearing. Went home and left message for PRL.

Fast forward to this morning - get a call from PRL at 8:45 am. She managed to rescue my paper copy from the blue box, and has researched my tax situation, and assures me that my taxes were done September 20, and I'll be getting my notice of assessment in the mail shortly. I called them on Sept. 1 and Sept. 20 - by total coincidence, my taxes were started manually on Sept. 1, and finished on Sept. 20. Really.

So, the story is back to my taxes are done and will be in the mail soon. If I was expecting a refund that is four and a half months late, I'd be a helluva lot more irritated than I am already, and I'm pretty darned irritated.