Pick-up Lines

[JoeyHemlock]

I once read (in a porno magazine, ironically) that the best pick-up line is "Jackson Pollock was the first uniquely American painter". Needless to say, this line has not resulted in a whole lot of nookie; instead it just requires one to explain who jackson Pollack is and why you brought him up for no reason in a bar.

So I'm looking for new pick-up lines. I think I'm going to start using: "I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to go and check on Schrödinger's cat."

[Crunchy Frog]

You expect us to believe you were reading a porn mag? Ok, I'll play along with your denial.

And I don't know what kind of bars you're going to, but if you use the "Schrödinger's cat" line, she'll either think you have a friend by the name and will say goodbye, that this is a new euphimism for taking a piss, or that you're making some weird reference to the kid who plays the piano in the Peanuts comic strip.

Personally, I'd say, "Is it cold in here, or are your nipples always like that?" :D

Or maybe I'd say something like, "You know I hear the drink the "Screwdriver" got its name from the first one being mixed with a screwdriver. I'd hate to think how a Highball got it's name."

[Crusoe]

"Those jeans are very becoming on you. But then, if I was on you, I'd be-coming too."

[Konrad]

You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

[Feynn]

"This is a boring party and I'm going home to bed... are you coming?"

[Monster104]

This one I came up with hasn't gotten me much more than a slap on the face, but maybe it'll work for you...

"Hey, my dick doesn't suck itself!"

Enjoy.

[Myrr21]

Well, there's always the classic:

"nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

Though "boots" may be substituted if the case warrants. :)

[ultress]

I always liked the line, "I seem to have misplaced my telephone number, can I have yours?"

Good for a laugh any time any place.

[BlackKnight]

Bearing an uncanny resemblance to one Jesus H. Christ (visit http://misfitmagazine.tripod.com/pics/jesus.jpg for proof), I've created some specialized pick-up lines for myself. Here they are, for your perusal:

10. "Wanna go forth and multiply?"
9. "Hey, I created the missionary position."
8. "We all know Jesus comes more than once."
7. "Want to hear the Sermon on the 'Mount'?"
6. "Who's your Holy Daddy?"
5. "Thou shalt lay down with the lamb of God."
4. "Everyone knows I can divide loaves. My next trick is to divide your legs."
3. "Everybody yells out my name."
2. "Ever wonder WWJD? How about I show you?"
1. "You'll still be a virgin!"

I appologize for some of these being so crude.

[Althea]

I hate to admit it; I think the Schrodinger's cat one would work on me, but I've actually read the trilogy. I don't think there are very many people who have that would be in a situation in which pick-up lines were applicable. Although as for that, it's a great pick-up line for weeding out people with whom you don't have much in common.

My personal favorite has always been:

Me - "Excuse me, do you know what fucks like a tiger and winks?"

You - "I don't know. What?"

Me - ;)

[astrangefish]

Have you got a mirror in your underwear?

Because I can definately see myself in them.

Ok, on relfection that makes me sound like a cross-dresser.

[Rysdad]

I'll just repeat a line I overheard in a bar.

"Hi. I have alot of money."

It seemed to work for him. Two good-looking women suddenly paid him plenty of attention.

[wolfman]

The best I ever overheard was this really well dressed guy.

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No thanks.
Guy Then can I buy you a house?

Too bad I don't have the guts to try something like that.

[APB9999]

Take the lady by the hand and say:
If I profane with my unworthy hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
Then, you kiss her hand (obviously).
(This was Romeo's pickup line from R&J)

[Zeeshan]

Hi ASL?

[GuanoLad]

"So. Can you pee standing up? Come on, I'll show you how it's done."




I don't think that'd work.

[Silo]

Hey babe, take my hand and I'll take you to love land.

When I getcha under the cover I'll promise to be your righteous LOVER.

Hey baby, let's quit lustin' it and start bustin' it.

Of course I have plenty more.... ;)

[tbea925]

Can I buy you a drink or would you rather just have the cash?

My name is Bruce. But you can call me (screaming): BRUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!! (Feel free to substitute your own name where appropriate.)

(to an overly-slender woman:) You need some meat on you-how about me?

I'll give you $100 for the pair of panties you're wearing right now.

Sure is nice out...mind if I leave it out?

I have chocolates! I have silk stockings!

Wow. Are those real?

Gee...how ever does someone get into those jeans - could I start by buying you a drink?

[tbea925]

Oops...should have left a space after the : above and : ) turned into :).

[Crash101]

this is a pickup line a guy actually used on me once, we were sitting on my couch and he said to me "the word of the day is legs, lets go upstairs and spread the word"

[Feynn]

This is the one that worked on Lola...

"Hi, I have a twelve inch Johnson."

And she doesn't even understand Imperial measures...LOL

[meek]

Actually, this one worked for me a few times.

Wander up to a beautiful woman and say...

"The voices in my head told me to come talk to you..."

[Zeeshan]

This one hasn't been tested but its a sure winner.
Life's short,wanna Fuck?

[Zeeshan]

You could just go up to the girl and say:
Do i make you horny baby,Lets go in the back and shag baby.I haven't shagged in 30 years,gotta see if it works or not.

Hey it worked for Austin Powers.You can replace the 30 years with your own age.She might even think its cute,but she'll probably call the cops so be prepared for that.

[blokeychap]

'you're the spitting image of my dead girlfriend'


;)

sorry

[darkcool]

True story: I dreamed this about 2 weeks ago. A beautiful woman walks up to me and says, "What's your name and where are we going to spend our honeymoon?


I saw a guy pull this off at an airport bar: (sincerly)
Hi my name is (John) , may I flirt with you?

[darkcool]

Or is it 'dreamt'?

[Zeeshan]

just go up to him and say.
"Hi,
can i borrow your cell phone?My mother asked me to call her immediatly when i find the guy of my dreams."

[Zeeshan]

Hey girl...You're so HOT that i'd marry your brother just to get into your family.

[andygirl]

This one I came up with for musicians.

"Hey, baby. Can I rock your chromatic scale?"

Incidentally, I'm a percussionist. And how long are your drumsticks?

andygirl

[light strand]

I just hear this one yesterday. No it didn't work, but it was good for a chuckle.

"Nice legs, what time do they open?"

I like the Schrödinger's cat cat line, but it begs the question:

"Would you feel like a particle in my box?"

(too obscure?)

[Helen's Eidolon]

I seriously doubt any of these would work on me...

But I have to add the worst line I've EVER heard of (thankfully, I didn't get it). A male acquaintance of mine actually used it and said it worked:

"Yo, you'll do."

*shudders*

But that Shakespeare would work on me anytime...

[Zinger]

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off??

[Aglarond]

Wanna go back to my place for pizza and a fuck?
::slap::
What? You don't like pizza?

Let's play army. I'll lay down and you blow the hell out of me.

[SwimmingRiddles]

I've heard the "Is there a mirror in your back pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants," line. Didn't work.

My favorite probably works better for a woman than a man, but it is: "I'll bet you one dollar [brandish dollar] that I can kiss you without touching you." Kiss him, and tuck the dollar into the shirt pocket and say "oops. Guess I lose."

[wacky ninja]

ok, this is bad, I mean really really bad, but I am in college, so what the hell

is that a keg in your back pocket, cuz I sure as hell would like to tap that ass!

I told you it was bad.

[Zeeshan]

This is one of my own tested ones:
If any girl ever asks me:
"Do you have the time?"
I always promptly reply:
"Yeah!do you have the place?"
It never misses.

[soulsling]

"...You with all those wonderful curves, and me with absolutely no brakes..."

"You know, they say the body is mostly just water, and I'm feeling kind of thirsty right now..."

"Your lips look kind of wrinkled, mind if I press them?"

(incidentally, I've seen these on the subway)


A girl picked me up with one of them once.
With the line she used just above where I was sitting.
Am I a sucker or what? ;) Three weeks of nothing but sex.

[oldscratch]

Let me guess. It was the curves line ;)

[Spider]

I find self-depricating (sp?) humor helps.

Come on baby, beauty is only a light switch away.

[Sands]

you say: was your dad a thief?
other person says: why?
you say: cause i swear he stole the stars and put 'em in your eyes. :rolleyes:

[nashiitashii]

I don't use lines, but I seem to be able to get results by going up to a guy and saying something to the gist of, "Hey, you're cute." Haven't used that thing lately, but I'm not exactly looking anyway right now.

wacky ninja, I kinda like that keg one you posted. funny, and almost cute. I dunno if it'd work on me, but it's worth a try to the right people.

[soulsling]

Originally posted by oldscratch
Let me guess. It was the curves line ;)

Not sure how to take that one oldscratch, but it was actually the one about the lips. And I looked up after she said it and said, sure, why not. I'm such a dork.

[nashiitashii]

Heh, Soulsling, if that's true, then watch out if you ever meet me. ;) ::sly giggles:: ;)

[Heloise]

I had a boss who actually used the line:

I know your just dying to give me ****.

According to him, it actually worked a couple of times. But then, this was at ClubMed, so he may not have been lying.

[MadPoet]

If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?

[nashiitashii]

Originally posted by MadPoet
If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?

Hey, I should try that at the renaissance festival next time it comes around. Hopefully I shall find a nice object of desire to give this token of appreciation to.

[JoeyHemlock]

Here's a line not to use (I've tried).

I was out and the dance floor dancing and this pretty young thing comes and starts dancing with me, you know really close. I said the first thing that came to my mind:

"What, did you lose a bet?"

She left.

[Mr. Cynical]

Originally posted by Heloise
I had a boss who actually used the line:

I know your just dying to give me ****.

According to him, it actually worked a couple of times. But then, this was at ClubMed, so he may not have been lying.

It does! I told that to my teacher once, and not only did she do it, she gave me an extra star!

Okay, so that was obscure.

My favorite: "Hi!"

[iampunha]

The best line I ever heard:

ME: Do you mind if I name your legs?

Her: Sure.

ME: Okay, the left one will be thanksgiving, and the right one will be Christmas.

You then have two choices: "Would you mind if I visited in between to holidays?" or "Would you mind if I came in between the holidays?"

Bear in mind I haven't ever used that before.

my favourite has always been:

He: Do you sleep on your stomach?

She: No.

He: Well then, would you mind if I did?

bear in mind, if she says yes she does, just stand there like a dork for a few heartmeats and then go back to getting drunk.

heartBeats, not heartmeats.

Guess I need a drink now.

[oldscratch]

For cyclists, while riding bikes.
"I've got something else you can ride"

[aviddiva]

iampunha
That's a variation on a Mae West line.

Monster
LMAO!

That's about as audacious as this one I received as a teenager:
"Sit on my face and you'll never go back to chairs."
It didn't work, unless the desired result was me to choke with laughter.

Lines I've used (with success) that probably work better for a woman than for a man:
"Why don't you come home with me."
"I want to sleep with you."
(Do those count as "lines"?)

And i got a kick out this exchange:
guy 1, to me: "You look lovely today" (to guy 2, indicating me): "Doesn't she look lovely today?"
guy 2: "Yeah, well... looks can be deceiving."
I had to stifle my laughter, as the first guy looked so deflated.
One thing, be careful with gratuitous flattery. I find it boring at best, yucky at worst. At the very least, it's uninteresting and unoriginal.