Quit your sexy job!!

[jubei2k]

Look baby, I know I said I was cool with it, but I'm not. I know you're just doing it to make money and get through school, but I can't bear the thought of you being up on stage and all those fat pigs in the crowd staring at you. I know my job at the gas station ain't paying that much, but I swear I will support you and all of your kids if you just STOP dancing!

In fact...

::gets down on one knee and pulls out a small box:::

Since we're here on national TV, I want to ask you if you'll marry me.. What's that?? You want to tell me something first?? Sure, no problem, let me hear it.. you know I'll love you no matter what..

YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR CUSTOMERS???!!!!

You fucking whore!! I'll kill you!! You low-life skank piece of shit!! How could you do this to me!! I loved you and you betrayed me!!!

::held back by guards:::

Fuck you!! Fuck you!! You can just keep fucking those fat assholes at the bar because I'm moving out!! Would it have been that hard to just keep your legs closed for two fucking hours!! You piece of shit!!

Yeah, bring your brother out here, I don't give a fuck! I'll kick his little pussy ass, too! Fucking punk, don't talk shit to me!

::held back by guards::

Motherfucker!! Fuck, shit, piss, ass, cock, cunt, bitch, whore!!!

YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH HIM?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?!?

I kill the both of you!! Sick-ass pieces of white trash shit!! Your sick, the both of you!! Yeah, you can have her fat ass, you little bitch-ass pussy, but not before I kick the shit out of you! Fuck you!! Fuck you!! Fuck you!!!

::grabs a chair and guards intervene::

I'll break this shit over your head, motherfucker!!!

::Finally settles down and takes seat::

You've got one more thing to say?? So what, I don't give a fuck, why don't you just go backstage and screw your brother, you whore piece of shit... Okay, fine, I'll listen....


YOU'RE A MAN?????!?!?!?!

[Silver Fire]

Ahhh, the joy that is Jerry Springer. (Right? Am I right? Please don't tell me that happened to you...)

[Smeghead]

And I've been sleeping with your pet dog, Woofy!

Woofy! You bitch!!

Why do I suddenly have this Weird Al song running through my head?

[FreakFreely]

Hey man, that woman's a ho, man. She's jest a ho. I think you should kick her ass to the curb, you know what I'm sayin'? You can't have her disrespecting you like that... shut up bitch! I said you can't have her disrespecting you like that! Word!

[neutron star]

That's no worse than Maury Povich. Have you seen this show lately. At least 75% of the episodes (I'm NOT exaggerating) are "Wild Teens go to Boot Camp." And EVERY time a kid walks out onto that stage, she screams "YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

Yeah, you set fire to 12 cars and had sex with a stranger while your mother was lying in bed asleep next to you, but you know what? You're right! We DON'T know you! You probably had a perfectly valid excuse for this behavior.

The best part is the end of the show when Maury says "Has boot camp changed these teens? Let's find out!"

Uhhh, did boot camp change the teens from the last 60 episodes that you had with this exact same topic, Maury?

[Coldfire]

I admit it. I watch Jerry Springer sometimes (yes, Americans. This is one of the cultural examples that made it to this side of the pond). Usually, it's just for laughs. When I'm with friends, we start counting down 5 to 1, and usualy at 1, punches and/or chairs fly.

My favourite shows are the ones with racist groups like the Klan. Absolutely surreal. I hear a lot of J.S. is pretty much choreographed, but what about those Klan episodes? Are they bogus too?

[Satan]

Whenever I try and watch Springer, I eventually get to a point where I am so embarrassed for everyone involved that I have to turn the channel in disgust.

At that exact moment, if I listen very carefully, I can hear Nero rosining up his bow...
__________________
Yer pal,
Satan

TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Four months, 7 hours, 39 minutes and 36 seconds.
4892 cigarettes not smoked, saving $611.59.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 40 minutes.

"Satan is not an unattractive person."-Drain Bead
Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/i]

[TwistofFate]

Springer is quite funny. It makes me feel very lucky that maybe, just maybe there are people really like that.

until next time, take care of yourself, and each other.

[threemae]

Yes, it's all funny. And everybody watches it just for kicks. Even the producers know this and this is directly who they cater too; people, "not really watching, just for kicks." This is also why it is all fake.

At least with Springer.

None of the other talk shows make any sense at all. Then again, none of them are as violent.

[Spider]

Originally posted by Coldfire

My favourite shows are the ones with racist groups like the Klan. Absolutely surreal. I hear a lot of J.S. is pretty much choreographed, but what about those Klan episodes? Are they bogus too?

I think my favorite was the dwarf (thats what Jerry called them, I don't know PC term) klan members. Then jerry brought up some black militant dwarves who wanted all little people to unite against tall folks. But the Klan members wouldn't team up with them, so they started a rumble. I expected one of those bouncers to start up some dwarf tossing next. ahhh, good times, good times.

[johnboy]

I love all the commercials: Get out of debt easily, just declare bankruptcy, Get a free psychic reading, find lost persons, call the date line, etc. etc. etc. Most of the commercials are even more comical than the show itself. They really tell you what the advertizers think of the Springer viewing audience.

[jubei2k]

Oh, the commercials are half the fun. It's funny because if you watch Wimbledon, or the Masters or something like that they will show ads for investing in mutual funds and Mercedes Benz, while Springer's ads are for "THE SEXIEST SPRING BREAK EVER!!" and "Wild College Co-eds!"

neutron - It seems like all the other non-Springer talk shows are doing the boot camp theme a lot. Sally Jesse Raphael comes to mind. But I think those are pretty funny, especially when they drag the kids out to some field in Georgia, and some drill sergeant starts screaming at them. They usually break, one by one.

freak - Werd, my brutah. That bitch has been ridin' my jock for the last two years!! She need to melt down all those gold teeth and buy a new weave, because that shit look like its made outta dog hair!

[Mojo]

Jubei, you needs to drop that zero and gets with a real lady. And you, miss thang, you ain't all that. You ain't even part of that- don't front being a woman when you gots some Jimmy Dean in your Hanes.

[andros]

I occasionally watch Springer.

As Max the Rabbit (of Sam and Max fame) once said, "let's go look at all the people we're glad we're not."

[Qixotica]

Originally posted by Coldfire.
My favourite shows are the ones with racist groups like the Klan. Absolutely surreal. I hear a lot of J.S. is pretty much choreographed, but what about those Klan episodes? Are they bogus too?

It seems as if at least some of the material is faked. I personally think alot more than *some* of it is faked.

In an E! Online interview with Jerry, he admits in a very roundabout way that some of the stuff is faked. The link is:
http://www.eonline.com/Celebs/Qa/Springer/interview3.html

Still, the episodes are at least good for drinking games at a party!

[Smeghead]

I once saw an interview with Jerry where he admitted that sometimes when it gets too boring, they bleep out mundane words so it sounds more interesting.

[Lizard]

Originally posted by Coldfire
I admit it. I watch Jerry Springer sometimes (yes, Americans. This is one of the cultural examples that made it to this side of the pond). Usually, it's just for laughs. When I'm with friends, we start counting down 5 to 1, and usualy at 1, punches and/or chairs fly.

My favourite shows are the ones with racist groups like the Klan. Absolutely surreal. I hear a lot of J.S. is pretty much choreographed, but what about those Klan episodes? Are they bogus too?

I actually met Jerry Springer. (No, I'm not making this up. He came to my school, which paid him $5,000 to come and speak. How's THAT for surreal? I wrote about the event for the school paper.) I didn't talk to Springer himself a lot, but I did have a minor argument with his publicist. What she said is that they don't stage anything. But they DO search high and low for fruitcakes. And "staging" is a tricky term. The guests aren't coached, nor are they actors, but the producer might imply to them what would make a good show. And then they (the guests) might start showing off for the crowd, and so on and so forth. We're not talking about very note-worthy individuals here. They think "hey, I'm on TV!" and just go nuts.
God only knows where they get those Klan guests. Maybe the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

[The Asbestos Mango]

I've long had this fantasy of getting together with one of my female friends and going on Springer with the story that we met on the Internet, I fell in love and left my husband for this person then found out she was a woman when we met in IRL.

And get a male friend to come along pretending to be my ex-hubby and tearfully beg him to take me back.

I don't know if I could do it and keep a straight face.

[greatsatan666]

There is no surer way to get me to turn off the television and not watch it for the rest of the day than to subject me to five minutes of a daytime talk show.

[August West]

In the few times I've had the patience to sit through a half hour of "bleep, bleep..you bleeping bleeeeep" I once saw a young man whose SO told him she was (a man,a stripper, lesbian, cheating, a cheating lesbian man-stripper),whatever it was, and he silently stood up and left. I couldn't believe good taste had won out! Sure enough, they cut to the back room and there's a bunch of producers or something begging him to go back out. Unfortunately, he eventually gave in and the predictable near-fistfight ensued.

Also, I am deeply saddened that this mind-killing pablum has escaped the U.S. borders. Coldfire, they're not really Americans! It's all computer-generated, I swear!

[Smeghead]

Originally posted by ChiefWahoo
Also, I am deeply saddened that this mind-killing pablum has escaped the U.S. borders. Coldfire, they're not really Americans! It's all computer-generated, I swear!

C'mon. That's an insult to computers everywhere. No need to stoop that low.

[DavisMcDavis]

Originally posted by jubei2k

neutron - It seems like all the other non-Springer talk shows are doing the boot camp theme a lot. Sally Jesse Raphael comes to mind. But I think those are pretty funny, especially when they drag the kids out to some field in Georgia, and some drill sergeant starts screaming at them. They usually break, one by one. [/B]
That's because most of them have never seen a black man before, much less have one yell at them. I've seen several of versions of this "show", which is solved by "makeovers" on the Jenny Jones show, and a black man screaming at them on both Maury and Sally.

What I find the strangest is that the parents are always completely blameless, though where did their little 'ho daughter's clothes come from?

There's an inherent hypocrisy in giving the show a little like "My Teen Daughter Dresses Too Sexy," "sexy" in my book being a somewhat positive term, although questionable for young teens. It should really be "I'm a Bad Parent and My Daughter Dresses Very Tastelessly".

The other thing that bugs me is that after obvious coaching, they get the little kid to say things along the lines of "I like smoking, drinking, and I want to be a hooker when I grow up" to the camera. I'm sure the first step in helping a troubled teen is putting them on national TV saying something that will embarass them for the rest of their lives should they ever turn from their sexy ways. Because Maury cares.

Then they come out, make their mothers cry, and they have the black man yell at them. If they're truly lucky, an HIV positive ex-hooker comes out and leads them on a tour through Times Square - the NEW Times Square - and they're filmed in front of the one remaining porn palace that hasn't been shut down while she yells at them. But the hooker-lady is backup, usually. It's a little sad to think the producers think that to "scare the kids straight" the thing they think is the most frightening to the children is not dying of AIDS but a black man.

[FreakFreely]

Davis- You seem to be assuming that parents have the most influence on their children. Nothing could be further from the truth.

[Myndephuquer]

Originally posted by FreakFreely
Davis- You seem to be assuming that parents have the most influence on their children. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I was your age, I thought the same thing, too. The truth is actually a little closer to 180 degrees from the thought that you typed. There is nothing that I can say to change your mind now, but you will understand in about a decade.

Back to the OP...
Spider:
I think my favorite was the dwarf (thats what Jerry called them, I don't know PC term) klan members. Then jerry brought up some black militant dwarves who wanted all little people to unite against tall folks. But the Klan members wouldn't team up with them, so they started a rumble. I expected one of those bouncers to start up some dwarf tossing next. ahhh, good times, good times.(bolding mine)


Dwarf klan members??? WTF??? :eek: If that's true, then that is the most masochist group that I've ever heard of. Those guys are just lookin' to get their asses kicked.
I have got to get some of what those producers are smoking...

[FreakFreely]

Myndephuquer- Actually, the recent psychological studies done in this area have all shown that my above statement is more true than we ever suspected. People are much more likely to change themselves for their peers than they are for their parents. Seems obvious to me.

[Myndephuquer]

I'll agree with you concerning changing mannerisms, clothing styles, patterns of speech, etc. If the study is alluding to these things, then I absolutely agree with you about changing those things for your peers vs. your parents. And I agree with you as your post applies to the OP.

Your original statement implied that parents don't have influence over their children, and your emphasis was that saying that they do couldn't be further from the truth. This is to what I was referring. As I said, I felt the exact same way when I was your age (I am being a bit presumptive -- I am basing what I think your age is on the contents of some of your previous posts).
I am not arguing with you about this. We have very different perspectives on this. Experience (combined w/ college :)) is a good teacher. I just found it humourous (in a good way) that you are echoing my former thoughts, and how I now see that those thoughts weren't exactly correct.
(btw, if something ever seems tooo obvious, often, that's a good time to question the fuck out of it. you'll gain something whether it's right or wrong. 'probably doesn't apply here, but it's something that I like to keep in mind :))

[Crown Prince of Irony]

Re: whether or not Springer is staged, I know for a fact it's faker than plastic doggie poop.

I have a trusted friend (who shall remain nameless, for reasons stated below) who worked as a production assistant for the Jerry Springer Show in for a few seasons.

She said that the show was pretty standard talk-show fare (Lesbian Bikers on Prozac, Satanist Teens, etc) in the first couple seasons, but when Geraldo, Jenny Jones etc. started getting racier, of course their show followed suit, staging confrontations that were guaranteed to go downhill, doing light basic prepping of guests, that sort of thing.

According after the first few fistfights, the producers saw dollar signs, decided to throw reality to the wind, and started occasionally scripting entire shows around catfights and chair-throwing. Eventually, nearly every episode was as carefully staged as a...well, as a Jerry Springer episode.

Apparently, everyone involved in the show is under a non-disclosure agreement in perpetuity (I don't know if that's legal or not, but that's what she tells me), from the "actors", all the way down to the caterers.

When I asked her why she was there so long (4 years or so), she says to me, "Hey, when I worked on Geraldo, I feared for my life sometimes, with the guests they had. With the Springer Show, at least I knew I was safe backstage."

She'd probably rip me a new one if she knew I was posting this, but she's now a stay-at-home mom who doesn't have time to surf the net (I hope), so I feel pretty safe.

[Crown Prince of Irony]

SHIT!!!

I wasted my 100th post on a freaking Jerry Springer thread!!

Goddammit!

:mad: :mad:

[BullDawg]

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

[wring]

I was a stay at home mom for about 8 months, daytime tv was the pits and I didn't have a VCR. I was channel surfing and passed by I believe it was SJR, doing "former nuns who have undergone a sex change".

has to have a small mailing list, dontcha think? :confused:

[Byzantine]

neutron star – you know, while visiting my younger sister, I was forced to watch his show with her and I was appalled. Isn't that basically sanctioned child abuse for the titillation of the viewing public? My sister was rapt with attention and I'm like, wait a minute; where are these 9 year olds getting the sexy clothes, the smokes, the booze? Is their mother ever home or what? And where the fuck is their dad?

And really, like Maury is going to have some big, jack booted thug treat them like shit for a day and they are going to magically go through some transformation and realize that their mom really does have their best interests at heart?

I'm calling the entire thing total bullshit and my sister is going on and on about how he is "saving" these kids. And she was serious!

Don't even get me started on Jerry's show. She watches that too and thinks it's real. Come on! How stupid are you? Honey, I want to tell you a secret, on national TV, on a show that's known far and wide for being nasty... would you think this was going to be a good secret?! And his "final word"... OH MY GODDESS! Who does he think he's kidding? These people have just verbally and physically beat the living shit out of each other and he's talking about being civil and getting along "just for the kids" involved. BWHA HA HA!

He must just laugh himself into a cerebral hemorrhage all the way to the fucking bank! I know I would!

I think the thing that just kills me the most is people think this shit is for real. It's more choreographed than wrestling!

[APB9999]

You mean England imports this shit? Why? In the U.S. it's a kind of fringe TV, like everything on daytime. How on earth could a country like England get so hard up for material as to import Jerry Springer? And for God's sake why does anybody watch it?

[magdalene]

If you are appearing as a guest on the Jerry Springer show, and you don't know WHY you are a guest, you are about to find out a horrible secret involving you, sex, animals, your lover, your family members, and horrible, horrible hairstyles. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit. You don't need to know.

My favorite Springer exchange (between a man and his wife, who had just revealed that she was hooking up with his sister):

Wife: Honey, we had too much to drink, and one thing just led to another. You know how it is.
Husband: I hope the two of you don't drink when there's no animals around.

Guy looked like a trapped animal.

[Kyla]

APB, are you serious? There is so much more TV made in the US than in the UK, they import tons of stuff from us, and Australia, too. While in England about a year ago, I discovered that on basic TV (which is like 4 channels), Springer comes on on one channel at, say, 3 (I forget exactly, but in the middle of the day) and then again on ANOTHER channel at 4. Enough to make one ill.

[JosephFinn]

Originally posted by Satan


At that exact moment, if I listen very carefully, I can hear Nero rosining up his bow...
__________________
Yer pal,
Satan


Snort....

Sorry, but I immediately thought of the infamous Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," which has the line:

The Devil picked up his case
and said "I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingetrips
As he rosined up his bow

God, I love that song. I am ever so pissed that "Coyote Ugly" is using it in the movie trailer. As Roger Ebert said: "This is the kind of bar you would fight to get out of."

[jubei2k]

Originally posted by JosephFinn
God, I love that song. I am ever so pissed that "Coyote Ugly" is using it in the movie trailer. As Roger Ebert said: "This is the kind of bar you would fight to get out of."

That's because Roger Ebert has never been laid.

[voguevixen]

Originally posted by Byzantine

How stupid are you? Honey, I want to tell you a secret, on national TV, on a show that's known far and wide for being nasty... would you think this was going to be a good secret?

"Honey, I brought you here to tell you, I'm secretly gainfully employed as an insurance salesman and have an attractive stock portfolio. I give generously to children's charaties and volunteer time to the local Humane Society. I love to cook and clean, and I make my own clothes...and iron them too! I drink moderately and never raise my voice if I happen to lose my temper. Can you ever forgive me for not being a black, gay, dwarf, biker, pedophile Klan member with my own internet prostitution ring?"

"How could you!?!?!" ::Flings chair::

[Byzantine]

voguevixen – Now THAT I'd pay to see!