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View Full Version : My cat died. I feel so depressed. (Long post)


PrehensileRectum
12-20-2005, 07:41 PM
My cat, Shadow, died on Sunday. He was acting strange for a few days before that. He kept trying to urinate and defecate for the past few day and I think only a little came out or none. I told my mom to take him to the hospital, but she didn't want to because he had a $600 vet bill in March after he disappeared for 3 days and was probably beat by someone or hit by a car. I never had a pet die before and I feel so hopeless. I've been crying since Sunday and now it's Tuesday night. My eyes are so swollen and bloodshot. He was only a 4 year old cat. He died when I was at Petsmart trying to get him urinary tract pills. I bought him cranberry cat treats too. I had another thread on this board asking what's wrong with my cat. I thought he was horny because he was meowing a lot, but everyone who posted to that thread said he probably ahd a UTI and get him to a vert ASAP. When he died he was laid in a cat bed and after 30 minutes he had green ooze coming from his mouth. The vet tech said someone might have poisoned him. Maybe he got under a teneted house (there were no tented houses around here), maybe he drank antifreeze, maybe he ate snail poison, or fertilizer. Shadow was a cat that was out and about a lot. My father saw people trying to take him when he was outside. I took him to a 24 hour emergency clinic to have his body disposed and it was $50 dollars. I didn't want to bury him in the backyard because I would be so depressed everytime I would walk out there. I didn't get any ashes because I can't look at ashes either without crying. I've been having heart pains, and a feeling of numbness in my body, my neck has a tight swollen feeling. When I tried eating I can't even enjoy the taste of food anymore. I stay up all night and have trouble sleeping. I have bad dreams about my other cats dying. I have 2 cats and a dog and they are all older so now I will have to deal with this soon again and I'm dreading it. I'm thinking of going into thearpy and getting some anti-depressants. I just can't deal with this. My other cat is 9, the other cat is 10, and my dog is 11. So they are all one year apart and I don't know how long Pomeranians live until so I dread my dogs death. My dog had a surgery at the same emergency vet clinic for blockage of kidney stones and the bill was $3,000. My mom barely paid that, and that was the reason she didn't want to pay for the cat if I took him. Do you think my other cats and dog wonder where Shadow is? I have this feeling of death now. I think any minute my other cats will die or I'll find my dog dead tomorrow. I can't stop this anxiety of dying. I have bad feelings about myself dying. I wonder what it's like and I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like if I go to sleep I won't wake up tomorrow. I've never seen a cat or animal die that belonged to me. I burst into tears just thinking about Shadow. I have a strong hatred towars my neighbors. I suspect anyone and everyone in the death of my cat. I have this strong urge to protect my other animals now. My animals used to go outside and still do, but now I go outside every minute to check on them. I try to get the cats in the house so I can watch them every minute. I can't take it if anything else happens to my animals. I need someone to talk to and I need advice what to do to get through this. Please help me.

Here's a picture of my Shadow boy Shadow (http://www.ratemykitten.com/ratemy/kitten?image=61900)

Shadow (http://www.ratemykitten.com/ratemy/kitten?image=61892)

PrehensileRectum
12-20-2005, 07:54 PM
I forgot to add that I have a haunting thought about what the emergency vet office is going to do with my cat's body. I took a class in Anatomy and the class had a room full of cat's in plastic bags. Where did the school get these cat bodies for us to dissect? I hope the vet office doesn't sell my cat's body to a college for dissecting in an Anatomy class because that's devastating.

Brynda
12-20-2005, 07:59 PM
Sweetie, I am so sorry about your cat. I have a soft spot for cats and I have lost cats I loved, so I really understand. You need to go find a person to talk to right now. You are grieving, and you will be ok, but you need to talk to someone in person. Do you have a friend or somebody to hug you and let you cry? I think the net is great, but sometimes we need to talk to someone in person and I think that is what you need now.

If you can't find a person, think about calling your local crisis line. You sound pretty upset, and having someone to talk to will help.

You are also welcome to email me. My email is in my profile.

Brynda
12-20-2005, 08:01 PM
I forgot to add that I have a haunting thought about what the emergency vet office is going to do with my cat's body. I took a class in Anatomy and the class had a room full of cat's in plastic bags. Where did the school get these cat bodies for us to dissect? I hope the vet office doesn't sell my cat's body to a college for dissecting in an Anatomy class because that's devastating.

They won't do that. I collected the ashes when my cats died. Don't worry about that. The clinic would get in terrible trouble if they did that. They would never do something like that.

Ice Wolf
12-20-2005, 08:04 PM
I'm very sorry to hear of your cat's death. Take care, try to do something about your anxious thoughts by reaching out to others and talking it out. At least know this - Shadow is at rest now. You did the best you could.

Give your other pets a hug. There's one for you too.

Taters
12-20-2005, 08:04 PM
I'm really sorry about your poor kitty. He was beautiful.

I second what Brynda said. You really need someone who's physically present to talk to.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will be okay. Pretty soon you'll think back to good memories of your kitty and smile. I've had many pets, and lost a few. I still think about them, because each was unique in his own way. They still bring a smile to my face even though they can't be here with me now.

Eve
12-20-2005, 08:04 PM
What a beautiful cat!

It is very sad, there's no way around it. My cat Dorothy died in Jan. (she had cancer, I had her euthanized here at home) and her sister Lillian is 16 and fading fast.

Now, I am not one of those people who would use the term "fur baby," and anyone mentioning the Rainbow Bridge gets the razzberries. But jeez, it is upsetting and depressing whe a pet dies . . . I still miss Dorothy, the little sonofabitch, nearly a year later.

Brynda
12-20-2005, 08:12 PM
Can you think about how lucky Shadow was to have you? Did you adopt him from a shelter or off the street? I know that it is sad that he died young, but you gave him love while he lived, right? And like Ice Wolf said, he is at rest now and can't be hurt.

whiterabbit
12-20-2005, 08:14 PM
I am so sorry. What a beautiful cat.

It's so hard to lose them, whatever the circumstances.

missbunny
12-20-2005, 08:27 PM
Wow, he was exceptionally beautiful.

Sweetheart, I know it's hard. I lost a cat on 10/15 of this year and I still get teary. It's natural to feel the way you are feeling. If you can swing it, it will make you feel reassured to keep your other cats indoors. Try and get the family to go along with it. It might be easier to do than you think.

I am sure the clinic is not going to sell Shadow's body for dissection. But if they did, which I am SURE they won't, he would be helping to teach people how to save other cats' lives. A lot of good could come from having him there. I am SURE the clinic will not do this, but don't think of it as something bad.

Anyway, cry as much as you want. Your vet might have a reference for a grief counselor or support group. I know some people who have been to them, and they were a tremendous help.

My heartfelt condolences to you.

SnakesCatLady
12-20-2005, 08:31 PM
I 'm so sorry you lost Shadow. It is a terrible feeling to lose a pet, and it can leave you feeling helpless and hopeless, but those feelings won't last. After a while, you'll be able to remember the good times you had with Shadow and think of him without crying. I don't know how old you are, but if this is your first experience with the death of someone close to you, you ought to find a friend you can talk to in person. Sometimes talking things out can help. Is there a teacher, or maybe a pastor or just a good friend you feel you can sit down with and open up to?

You are in my thoughts, and do let it comfort you that Shadow is in a place where he can't be hurt anymore, and that he is no longer in pain. My e-mail address is in my profile if you want to talk, but I think a face-to-face conversation would be better for you right now. I'm here if you need me.

Amazon Floozy Goddess
12-20-2005, 08:39 PM
{{{Big ol' hugs}}}

Such a hard thing to go through. Such a beautiful little cat. Losing a pet can be just as hard as losing a human relative or friend. You deserve to be able to grieve and you need to grieve for as long as it takes. A counsellor, as mentioned, is a good idea. If you have a friend who has also lost a cat it may also help to talk to them as well.
I lost my rat Lola on Oct. 28th. I know lots of people say "It's just a rat", but that means less than nothing to me. She had a take-no-bullshit but marshmallowy-sucky-underneath personality. She gave and showed love, and I loved her and grieved for over a month.
I am sure Shadow is happy and enjoying all her favorite toys and foods up in the clouds. Hang in there.

PrehensileRectum
12-20-2005, 08:41 PM
Can you think about how lucky Shadow was to have you? Did you adopt him from a shelter or off the street? I know that it is sad that he died young, but you gave him love while he lived, right? And like Ice Wolf said, he is at rest now and can't be hurt.

Shadow was found as a wild cat in a field near my mother's work. He lived as a wild cat for 2 years there until we took him him in 2003.

Here is another pic of Shadow and my other cat, Green Eyes. Shadow and Green Eyes (http://www.ratemykitten.com/ratemy/kitten?image=73605)

My dog, Missy (http://www.ratemypuppy.com/ratemy/puppy?image=64576)

Brynda
12-20-2005, 08:55 PM
So if you look at how long wild cats live, he had two extra years, thanks to you. Most wild cats don't make it past two.

Your pets are beautiful.

lavenderviolet
12-20-2005, 09:50 PM
Awww. I am really sorry to hear about your cat's passing. I lost my beloved dog back in May, so I know that losing a pet can really hurt.

The cats used in anatomy classes normally come from the unclaimed animals euthanized at animal shelters. I'm quite confident that your cat didn't end up like that. It wouldn't make sense for the vet to risk the bad PR from doing such a thing to pets that had owners. If it is any consolation, you can think of it as that by providing Shadow with a loving home, instead of leaving him to wander around outside and get picked up by a shelter, you may have actually saved him from ending up that way.

It is understandable to be angry at the thought that someone might have done this intentionally. However, try to keep in mind that animals can be inquisitive and it is quite possible that this was all just a sad accident, not anyone's fault.

As for the fear of the other animals dying, well, nobody really knows what the future holds.
My dog developed cancerous tumors several times. Despite my fears she would die of the cancer she made a full recovery from that...but ironically ended up dying suddenly from a heart condition that we DIDN'T expect to kill her so soon. So, there isn't much use in trying to predict what's going to happen. The only thing we can do is try to cherish the time we have, however long or short it is.

You might want to talk to your mom about getting health insurance for the other animals. Yes, seriously, they do have insurance for pets now. I don't know many details about it,. I know that you do have to be careful and research it well to be sure you get on a good plan that provides good coverage. Nonetheless, it might be an option to make it easier to deal with the costs if one of your other animals needs treatment.
Best wishes to you in finding peace and consolation.

Buckler of Swashing
12-20-2005, 11:05 PM
I am so sorry.

I can't offer anything more than those posting before me, find a physically present person to talk, cry all that you need to, think as much as you can about all your good memories of Shadow. Two wild cats turned domestic that I have known always showed highly unusual levels of affection towards their owners, almost as though they were grateful. It sounds like Shadow was lucky to have a human like you.

I've lost two cats in the last year, and though we had far more warning time than you have had - they were old and getting quite sickly - I know it is very hard for you right now.

I hope you are feeling better soon, but also that you take whatever time you need to get through it.

Again, so sorry for your loss.

Guinastasia
12-20-2005, 11:19 PM
Aw, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Your baby was a beautiful kitty.

*hugs*

Don't feel ashamed to cry, or feel depressed. Anyone who says you shouldn't feel upset over your cat is just a jerk. It SUCKS to lose a pet-I know I still get choked up when I think of my pets that have gone.

PapSett
12-20-2005, 11:39 PM
I am so sorry. Shadow was beautiful , as are your other pets. It is so hard to say good-bye to them; I lost my 10 year old Gordon Setter to cancer in July.

I am a big animal lover , and whether I get raspberries or not , I *do* believe we will be reuniuted with well loved pets when we die. That belief keeps me going sometime.

If you need to talk , please e mail me.

(((hugs))) Anna

PrehensileRectum
12-21-2005, 12:24 AM
I know this may sound weird, but do animals (especially cats and dogs) know they are going to die? When they are alive do they know they will go someday? I'm here at my computer holding one of my remaining cats, Green Eyes, and I'm trying to cherish the time I have with her.

PrehensileRectum
12-21-2005, 12:26 AM
I got a condolence card in the mail form the vet saying they are sorry for the loss of my cat, Shadow. When I opened the letter I started crying.

Corrvin
12-21-2005, 03:33 AM
"I'm thinking of going into thearpy and getting some anti-depressants."

Talking to someone might be a good answer. But anti-depressants are for people who feel really, really bad for no reason.

You have a very good reason to feel awful. Please don't blame yourself or think there is something wrong with you for grieving. Great grief is the price of great love.

Corr

Brynda
12-21-2005, 06:51 AM
I believe animals know when they are sick, but I don't think they understand death in the way we do, which means that they don't fear death the way we can.

I agree with Corrvin that you are grieving and what you are feeling is normal. I also get the feeling that you are like me (and I bet lots of people in this thread) in that you feel things really strongly. That's a wonderful thing in that it lets you really, really love those you love, but it also means you grieve deeply, and get your feelings really hurt, etc.

Khadaji
12-21-2005, 09:04 AM
I am sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way.

Hey, It's That Guy!
12-21-2005, 09:32 AM
My parents put my beloved cat, Popocatepetl, to sleep, while I was away at school, and they didn't even tell me until I came home for Thanksgiving, over a month later! I loved that cat so much, and even though I knew he was older and sick and that was inevitable, I wish they had told me, and I really wish I had been there with him to say goodbye. I've mourned him ever since, and this was Thanksgiving of 2001

Anne Neville
12-21-2005, 11:38 AM
{{{{PrehensileRectum}}}}

I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your kitty.

phouka
12-21-2005, 02:49 PM
Definitely talk to someone who will be supportive of your grief. Consider anti-depressants if you don't start feeling better in a couple of weeks. Depression can be caused by traumatic events, like the loss of a beloved pet.

I'm so sorry about your cat's death. He looked like a complete sweetie. Take comfort in your remaining pets.

Hello Again
12-21-2005, 02:49 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet kitty. As others have said, it is normal to feel sad, very sad about the loss of a pet -- sometimes even more sad than you may have felt about losing people who were not close to you.

I think you should think about memorializing Shadow in some way. You may want to have a formal ceremony (select friends and family who won't say dumb sh*t like "it was just a cat" to to attend). I recommend the children's book [i]The Tenth Good Thing About Barney[i] by Judith Viorst for ideas if you're not sure what you would say at a memorial service.

Another option is to do something in his honor, such as planting a tree or flower. When my horse Holly passed away I planted a peppermint plant in her memory. Peppermints were her favorite treat, and a peppermint plant can get wild if you don't keep tabs on it, just like her :) We planted a white rose for my all-white cat Snowball, who passed away when I was 7. Maybe you can think of a plant that would have special meaning for you.

You may want to assemble photos and mementos together in a memory book, and even write down some favorite memories. Knowing that you have these things all together is a reassurance that your beloved pet will never be forgotten. You can return at any time to revisit happy memories through photos and stories.

Ultimately, my advice is to remember him as he was in life, rather than over-focusing on the circumstances of his death.

Infovore
12-21-2005, 03:01 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved kitty. He was a real beauty. I'm sitting here at my desk getting all puddly thinking about it.

I lost my kitty earlier this year (she had lymphoma, and eventually we had to help her leave us when the chemo stopped working). I was devastated--she was my baby, and losing her hurt me terribly. I too cried when we got wonderful cards from our vet, oncologist, and my workmates.

I second Hello Again's suggestion about a memory book. That's what we did after Meep died--we got a blank book and the two of us (my spousal unit and I) took turns writing down memories of her, one to a page. We keep the book with the cards, next to the urn containing her ashes. It still makes me cry to read through the memories, but it makes me smile too, to remember her.

Don't worry about your other pets--just love them and care for them and cherish their presence for as long as they're with you. Let them help you get through this--sometimes you can say things to a pet that you can't say to a human.

I'm keeping good thoughts for you.

anyrose
12-21-2005, 03:18 PM
My heart goes out to you. It's never easy to lose a cherised family member whether 4 legged or 2.