Talk to me about age differences in relationships!

[Tracy Lord]

Tonight I successfully scored a future dinner date with a gentleman at my university I've been flirting with for a few months. I like him, he's funny and smart, we get along great and are interested in the same things, etc. etc.; the only problem is that he's 27 and I'm still just 19. (I mean, it's not a big problem, and probably not a problem at all -- I'm just having some trouble conceptualizing what it means.)

So, I'm curious to hear stories of issues that arose (or didn't arise!) in past relationships with a significant but not huge age difference. Eight years isn't spectacular, but it's certainly different. Share your stories and ease my mind! :) What worked? What didn't? How did things end -- or have they ended?

We're both quite busy, so it'll probably be a while before we hit the actual dinner date, rather than just bantering up a storm in the theater department lounge, but I'm thinking I'd like to strike up a relationship if all keeps going well.

[chiroptera]

The only practical thing I can see - and this might be a complete non-issue - is you're under 21 and therefor can't legally enjoy a glass of wine over dinner with him, if you do that. Or go to some clubs. (I grew up in Europe where the legal drinking/clubbing age was 18.)
I've dated two men with a big age difference. Number one, I lived with for two years when I was 22-24 and he was nine years older. We broke up, but for reasons unrelated to age. I don't recall there being any issues with the age thing at all. Actually, I felt older and more sensible than him in many ways.
Number two, I married and we were together almost a decade. He was six years younger. Again, we divorced for reasons completely unrelated to age & maturity levels. He was under 25 when we married, and car insurance was a pain because his age made it more expensive. :dubious:
I say go slow, have fun, and don't worry about chronological age as much as maturity levels. :)

[A.R. Cane]

Oddly enough, two of my ex wives have been older than me, both by 4 years. All the other women in my life have been younger. The greatest love of my life by almost 10 years. The last woman I dated was about 15 years my junior. She initiated the relationship.
I would probably been uncomfortable w/ a 19 year old when I was in my late 20's, but times change and it seems more socially acceptable today, assuming comparable maturity.

[China Guy]

I don't think it's the age difference per say but much more the milestones. One's in college and one's in highschool, one's in college and one is a working professional, both are in college, both are working professionals. If you're about in the same adult milestones I think the age is pretty immaterial. If you're a college freshman and he's 5 years into a serious career - well I'd say you've got some pretty strong differences in frame of reference/experience to overcome.

[twickster]

I met my college boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 25, which is a slightly bigger difference than you're talking about -- but I was between my sophomore and junior years, and he'd just finished law school and was studying for the bar.

We were together for four years, and continue to be friends 30+ years later.

[Rashak Mani]

I have a 40 year friend who is dating a 21 year ex-studente of his. They seem to get along fine... the problem is only about going out with friends. Obviously she wants more partying than he does.

I'm 33 and I've had the hots for a 21 year old that was very mature and very intelligent... it didn't seem wrong at all... ( I didn't manage to date her though)

Like others have said its more an issue of maturity and "life phase". I bet you're more mature than he is... we men can be very immature... even at my 33 years of age.

[Shakes]

I dated a girl once when I was 34 she was 22.

At first, she thought I was the coolest boyfriend in the world. One of the reasons being that if she wanted to go out partying and I didn't; I'd tell her to just go ahead and go. (with her group of friends) I guess she really liked this about me because most of her ex-boyfriends were very jealous and possesive.

However, I digress. This quality about me soon went from her being smitten to her thinking I don't give a shit about her OR "What am I doing with this boring old man that doesn't ever want to leave the house?"

Basically what it boiled down to is me being of the mentality: "I like quite dinners and evenings spent at home"

To her being of the mentality: "Whoo-Hooo!! Girls Gone Wild!"

I think we both walked away from the relationship with something positive.

She learned what it's like to be treated like a real woman.

And me?

Well, I just walked away with a really big ego boost.

Not like I really needed one, but there ya have it.


*disclaimer* I don't mean to imply youger Gents don't know how to traet women. I'm only sayin in my particular case that's how it turned out.

[Ensign Edison]

Can I just say the title combined with the OP's name gave me a chuckle?

I've been on both sides of a significant age difference a few times. I left home at fifteen, and even before then I had to support myself somehow because my mother provided little more than shelter. So my priorities were not the same as people my age, and I found I had little common ground with them. At the same time, I was often told that my relationships couldn't be valid or real if my partner was older, because obviously I was just being exploited. That I was actually being exploited in some cases, I didn't figure out until much too late, of course. I was mature for my age, but I wasn't too bright. :wally

As others have indicated, it's mostly about priorities. If you want to go out and party til dawn and he wants to talk about the curtains you'll buy for the kitchen of your retirement home, there's a problem. If there's too much power and age and experience difference, you run the risk of ugliness. But even when I was a vulnerable idiot teen, I managed to find true love with someone ten years my senior, for a little while, at least. Which is the other thing. The odds are low that it's a long haul thing. Oh, it's possible, but there are enough obstacles that even the hardiest of couples eventually hits one and goes off the rails.

[Dangerosa]

When I was 17 I dated a guy who was 25. The biggest problem was that I was interested in dating and he was interested in settling down. He was one of my first boyfriends. Although I really feel I ended up married to my soul mate, I'll always feel a little sorry about this one - just wrong place/wrong time. In another four years, it probably wouldn't have been a problem, and I'd have probably ended up married to the guy.

I've watched people - particularly women - date men with that sort of age difference at that age, and sometimes its been a case of the guy wanted to date a younger woman for control, or because he has a case of arrested development. In that case, she usually grows out of the relationship.

But one of my friends has been happily married for over a decade to a girl he met in his twenties when she was a mere 16. So it works, as well. We spent the first five years revising the bets on when she'd dump him, but - shockingly to most of his friends - they've been perfect for each other.

[Bearflag70]

I see two potential concerns:

1. At 19, you likely have a lot of growing yet to do and may end up finding you have different tases and wants by the time you get to his age. He probably already has a decent idea of what he wants or doesn't want. You have a decent potential to grow out of any relationship you may be in now, so don't get locked into anything you are not pretty certain about.

2. His sex drive will be waning while yours is increasing, for what its worth to you.

[stretch]

When I was 19, I started dating a guy who was 34. Big age difference, but it worked because we were at the same stage in life in a lot of ways--our kids were the same age, he was starting over in school because years of working in mills had ruined his wrists, both of us shared many of the same interests, we had friends in common.

We were together for 4 years and what destroyed that relationship was he was in recovery and went back to drinking. We remained friends until we both moved away.

It all about the two people--not the ages.

[squeekster]

My daughter is 24. Her husband is 45. They both weighed all of the perceived problems that could come up. They basically came to the conclusion that age is just a number. And they couldn't be happier.

[panache45]

My Guy is exactly 15 years younger than I (we have the same birthday); when we met, he was 28 and I was 43. There have never been any age-related problems in our relationship, but there are certain assumptions that some other people make:

Some people assume that it's a parental (in our case, daddy/boy) relationship. This may be more of an assumption with a same-sex couple than an opposite-sex.

Some people assume that he's with me because I have lots of money (actually, he has more). This is especially the case because he's very much of a hottie, and I'm not. I think there have been people who carry this assumption to the extreme, and think he's an "escort" and I'm his John.

People who actually know us, know that we're just another normal couple, and the age difference is no longer an issue for them.

[Tracy Lord]

I should probably mention that I'm a college sophomore and he's a senior (he took a few years off to work, and I skipped a year of school when I was younger). When we first met and started talking/flirting, we each assumed the other was in their early twenties.

The drinking thing is the only really frustrating issue at the moment -- a few weeks ago, he asked me if I'd like to grab a drink after the show, I said, "I'd love to, but I'm nineteen," and he said, with genuine shock, "But you're so smart!" :) (Newsflash: sincere compliments make girls like you even more!) I don't think it'll be a major issue, though, as neither of us are quite the bar-hopping type. At least, from what I know of him. He could be living a double life as a Norm Peterson, but I doubt it, he works very hard.

I am really glad to hear people say it wasn't even an issue for them. I bet that difference will seem even smaller as I get older, but for now -- even though I like to think of myself as a pretty mature person -- it's triggering little "should I be worried about this?" bells in my head.

[Tracy Lord]

Oh, and:

Can I just say the title combined with the OP's name gave me a chuckle?

In the stage directions, Tracy's age is given as 24 while Dext's is 28. Not that bad.

;)

[AskNott]

Generally, I have no qualms about age differences. I have a couple of cautions, though. First, most folks go through some serious changes in their early twenties. He has already been through that, and you haven't; will he like the woman you become at 23?

Second, I once knew a guy who didn't want a woman, he wanted a girl. Time and again, when she grew up a little, he didn't want her anymore, and she wanted a guy more mature than him.

Go for him if you want to, but keep your eyes open.

[Tabula Rasa]

I should probably mention that I'm a college sophomore and he's a senior (he took a few years off to work, and I skipped a year of school when I was younger). When we first met and started talking/flirting, we each assumed the other was in their early twenties.

The drinking thing is the only really frustrating issue at the moment -- a few weeks ago, he asked me if I'd like to grab a drink after the show, I said, "I'd love to, but I'm nineteen," and he said, with genuine shock, "But you're so smart!" :) (Newsflash: sincere compliments make girls like you even more!) I don't think it'll be a major issue, though, as neither of us are quite the bar-hopping type. At least, from what I know of him. He could be living a double life as a Norm Peterson, but I doubt it, he works very hard.

I am really glad to hear people say it wasn't even an issue for them. I bet that difference will seem even smaller as I get older, but for now -- even though I like to think of myself as a pretty mature person -- it's triggering little "should I be worried about this?" bells in my head.

All of this information tips the scales in the direction of "potentially promising", in my opinion. The age difference in my sister's marriage is only about a year less, and it has worked out to be a healthy if strange dynamic -- and the strangeness originates in the personalitities of the parties, not their ages.

[Clothahump]

SWMBO and I are 8 years apart.

The biggest age variation I have ever experienced was back when I was 30. I went from having an affair with a 42 year old woman to having an affair with an 18 year old woman.

Them was the days...... :D

[AHunter3]

I've done a 17-year age gap when I was 33-35 and she was 50-52. We had other things that were issues, but age wasn't really one of them.

There are still leftovers of patriarchy, meaning that males still tend to have higher position, more power, better salary, & etc, all other things being equal, although nowhere near as much so as it was just decades ago. That tends to work as an overlay on age diff, and at your (the OP's) age / his age the age diff already is going to tend to privilege him. Do you have any concerns about entering into the relationship as an equal, or are you satisfied that that's not an issue?

[Queen Bruin]

I'm married to a man nine years older than me. When I met him, I was 18 and he was 27. We split in a friendly manner, then got together a year later and moved in. That was almost 6 years ago.

It works out really well, frankly. Most of the time the age gap really doesn't occur to either of us. Sometimes we'll have an incongruous perception of kid's TV, or something (O He of the H.R. Pufnstuf Age!) but that's usually it. Plus alot of the time I have the benefit of his experiences, so I do less blundering around; we're both non-traditional students, but then I have his experience to draw from.

He's good at helping me keep my perspective. I'm a pretty uptight 25 y.o., alot of the time he's reminding me "You're 25! RELAX!" Helps immensely. And I help him dress himself in the morning without looking like he's a member of Poison. :smack: :D

[BwanaBob]

I was the older guy in your exact scenario.

It was great but I was of a mind to settle down and she wasn't nearly ready for such a thing.

Simply bad timing.

[Ensign Edison]

Some people assume that it's a parental (in our case, daddy/boy) relationship. This may be more of an assumption with a same-sex couple than an opposite-sex.

At first I was inclined to agree, and I got a lot of that when I was dating a lot out of my Acceptable Bracket. But then I thought about it, and I think people think much the same when they see an older guy with a younger girl -- the paternal thing, or the money thing, or she's a whore. "Sugar daddy" is a concept universal to orientations, I think.

[zoogirl]

I met my guy when I was 20 and he was 27. That was twenty-five years ago.

Any issues we've had haven't really been age related. Yeah, there have been some very rough patches, but I don't think either of us are going anywhere else soon!

Just as a couple more examples, my parents had a gap of eighteen years and were together until Dad passed away. My favorite rock star and his wife are about to celebrate their anniversary. They married at nineteen and twenty-eight, thirty years ago!

[SmartAleq]

I met my SO in college when he was 19 and I was 27... and married... with two kids... :smack:

Twenty years later, most people assume he's the elder of us two (which grumps him some!) but he's always been a bit of an old man, he prefers older women by a long shot and any issues we have are definitely not age related.

And when we were "on a break" a year or so ago I was dating a 24 year old... age is a number, who cares! :p

[Shakes]

I see two potential concerns:

1. At 19, you likely have a lot of growing yet to do and may end up finding you have different tases and wants by the time you get to his age. He probably already has a decent idea of what he wants or doesn't want. You have a decent potential to grow out of any relationship you may be in now, so don't get locked into anything you are not pretty certain about.

2. His sex drive will be waning while yours is increasing, for what its worth to you.


hey, HEY HEY!

I'll thank you very much NOT to be stating #2 as a fact sir. ;)

[Silentgoldfish]

hey, HEY HEY!

I'll thank you very much NOT to be stating #2 as a fact sir. ;)

Believe what you want, but it IS a statistical fact. http://www.saviodsilva.net/r/ss80.htm

For some reason ages before the "teen" is dropped bug me more than anything else. I was slightly uncomfortable with my 2 years younger last girlfriend's age until she turned 20, then I was fine with it. Don't ask me why!

I will admit to being put out that the cute new nurse who just started working on my ward is 30 (7 years older) and dating a guy 15 years older than her.

[MizGrand]

My folk's have a seven year difference. Married when mom was 19 and dad was 26. Had me after five years of trying. So, mom was 24 and dad 31.

They're coming up on 46 years of marriage in about a month.

Age don't mean a thing! Go for it, girl!

[sunfish]

At one point I went from dating a guy 11 years older than me to one 11 years younger. That switch was the source of a little mental whiplash, I must say. ;)

In my case neither worked out long term because we wanted/expected different things from life, not because the age difference itself was a problem. Heck, my grandparents had an 11-year age difference, and they were married nearly 65 years.

I will admit though that as I ease back into the dating scene after a break, I'm less inclined to consider going out with someone more than five years younger than me. That's partly because, on the verge of becoming a woman of a certain age *cough*, it's hard for me to imagine a guy around the age of 30 having a long-term interest in an older woman (although the short-term interest is much appreciated :D ).

[MaddyStrut]

My experience is it's more the "life stage" vs. "age" thing that others have mentioned.

Back when I was in college, I had no trouble dating guys who were in graduate school, but had a harder time dating those who were or had been out on their own. They were used to being independent, paying their own bills, and making most of their decisions without parental input. Even though I was in college, my parents still controlled a lot of my finances and I still consulted them on major decisions. Also, I'd get kind of tired of hearing "if you think that's stress, try being out in the working world."

But your situation sounds like that wouldn't be a factor. Plus, as mentioned in this thread, sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't. At this point, it's just a date.

[D.E.S.K.Top668]

My wife is nine years younger then me, we met when I was 27. We've been together for nine years, married for eight. The only thing I've found is that it helps to be open-minded about things such as movies and music. Alot of the stuff she's turned me on to aren't real popular with people in my age range.
I've also dated several women older then me (greatest difference was fourteen years.) Though they didn't work out, the problems had nothing to do with age.

Peace - DESK

[DianaG]

My boyfriend is 12 years older than me, we met when I was 26 and he was 38, and we've been together for nine years. I agree that the "stage of life" thing is the make or break. When we met, we were both professionals, both parents. I occasionally enjoy pointing out that I hadn't actually been born yet when he asks me if I remember something, but other than that, the age difference isn't a factor.

And for the record, our sex drives have always been, and remain, compatible.

[jsgoddess]

My husband is 10.5 years older than I am. I was 25 when we met, and he was 36. It's a little weird at odd times when we don't understand each other's cultural references, but otherwise, no problem.

[gfloyd]

I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and he was 27. He was shocked when he found out how old I was. Fastforward a year and we started dating right after I graduated from college. That was in June. We've been living together for six months and it's all good.

[Tracy Lord]

My wife is nine years younger then me, we met when I was 27. We've been together for nine years, married for eight. The only thing I've found is that it helps to be open-minded about things such as movies and music. Alot of the stuff she's turned me on to aren't real popular with people in my age range.
I've also dated several women older then me (greatest difference was fourteen years.) Though they didn't work out, the problems had nothing to do with age.

I hope you don't mind my asking, but where were you both on the life-stage spectrum at the time? (Although I know I'm getting ahead of myself, I'm thinking of what'll happen if we're dating when he graduates and starts thinking professional world while I'm still in school.) Or if you started in the same life stage, did that help when you moved through different ones?

I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and he was 27. He was shocked when he found out how old I was. Fastforward a year and we started dating right after I graduated from college. That was in June. We've been living together for six months and it's all good.

Point of clarification: did you graduate when you were nineteen? I'm having a little trouble putting my finger on the chronology. Sorry! :)

And thanks to everyone who's responding! I know, we haven't even been on a date yet (and we're both comically busy, it might take us a while to get around to it--damn!), but after flirting up a storm in the department for the last few months, I'm curious about the long-term repercussions of a little age difference. Which, happily, seem to be few. :)

[chiroptera]

Come to think of it, my mother and stepfather have been married for 36 years. He's 11 years younger than she and they met when she was...in her early 30s.
The only problem (that I know of) was about 15 years ago, he had a brief affair, she found out, but they got past it. Their relationship is pretty egalitarian and quite solid.

[Angua]

The SO's about 13 years older than me. I'm in grad school, he's got a professional job, and we've been together for just over 2 years. For us, age is a number, nothing else. The age difference hasn't bothered us in the slightest (it did freak one of his mates out, but that's easy to do, and was bloody amusing). There've not really been any shock moments when its hit us, and we seem to be pretty well matched in terms of everything else, to be honest, we really don't notice it at all, and neither do our friends, unless its in a well natured taking the piss sort of way, or with at least one of his mates (that I know about!), a bit of "Woah. Dude. :cool: " pat on the back sort of thing.

[mrald]

My dad is fifteen years older than Mom. They have been married for 25 years. (Granted the last 6 of that was in seperate houses half the time. A job thing).

Me and my husband have a 2 year split, him being older and all we do is fight :D

[Scarlett67]

Met Mr. S when I was almost 21 and he was 32. I was in college at got a job working at the same place he worked.

I dunno, we just clicked. Were "dating" (OK, kissing and so on :D -- we never really went on "dates," just hung out a lot) three months later, engaged nine months after that, and were married about a year after that.

That was almost 16 years ago.

Like others in the thread (which I've only skimmed), no problems with the age difference except for our different experiences with pop culture. He has no idea which one is Bert and which is Ernie, which cracks me up no end. It's kinda weird, though, being 38 and a card-carrying AARP member (spousal privilege!).

I think it helps that he's always been "young at heart," with a personality age of somewhere between 12 and 25. Except for the gray in his beard, nobody ever believes that he's 50!

[Tomcat]

The most extreme age differences I ever saw were in this country (Czech) 12 years ago...There were quite a few examples at the clubs of 15 - 17 year old girls and mid-twenties guys. Shocked the shit out of me that it wasn't really looked upon as weird. I had a recently-turned 17y.o. girl get a little confused why the 24y.o. guy didn't try to get her in bed. (And, honestly, now that I'm older and have learned that woman actually can make their own decisions at seemingly younger ages, I should have tapped that ass...).

That said, can I ask you a few questions?

1. In 2 years you will be able to go to real dance clubs. Are you looking forward to it?
2. Any plans for an after-college backpack trip around Europe?
3. Do you have some sexual itches you want scratched? (other girls, fetishes, etc)
4. Would you like to live in another place? Or join the PEace Corps or ???

If you answered YES to any of the above, well, maybe a soon-to-be-graduated-and-living-in-the-real-world guy might not be the 'one'. In two years he could be bucking for that promotion that day you turn 21 and won't be able to go dancing until 7am. An after college trip somewhere? Well, girl, if you don't jump that cute Italian you will meet on the train to MArsailles because of some guy back home, you will regret it when you are 60. Itches generally don't go away until they are scratched and wanting to live elsewhere is one too.

Otherwise put...I wouldn't think about the long term here. Just enjoy the guy for now.

My two very good friends have been with each other for over 10 years and have a 15 year difference in age (met at 18 and 33). My sister is married to a guy 10 years older than her (met 24 and 34). So, it can work out...But both my sister and my female friend were looking for family-type things, not 'explore myself' things. Which side of that scale do you lean towards?

-Tcat

[RTFirefly]

Met my wife-to-be in grad school when I was 34 and she was 23. She'd been supporting herself - parents in no position to offer more than incidental help - since heading off to college six years earlier, so she was mature for her age.

We're 52 and 41 now. Seems to be working out pretty well so far. :)

[fishbicycle]

My wife will be 32 next month. I'll be 48 in October. It hasn't been a problem for us, ever. We turned out to be the best mates for each other. We each have enough of our own interests so that we don't bore each other, and have so much other stuff in common that it's always interesting. The age thing never comes up. No one's ever mentioned it to us, if they even know. It's probably because I don't look old enough to be her dad, even though it would have been a biological possibility. And in case it raises any eyebrows, I didn't want her because she was so much younger than me... it was a case of the facts. She was OK with it. I was OK with it. (Dr. Laura wasn't OK with it - because I asked - but she can go into a closet and suck eggs.)

[Grossbottom]

Last year (at 31) I dated a 19-year old for a few months. I spent the entire time thinking her father would kill me if he ever found out. Chick was born after Nintendo, freaked me right out.

Anyway, I found myself alot more reserved and less assertive than I would normally be with a girl closer to my own age. She was definitely calling the shots. If he seems ill-at-ease or sort of lame, you might need to reassure him that you're cool with the age difference, or that you like older guys, or something.

But 27 to 19 isn't as big a stretch as 31 to 19, so I dunno. That's all I got.

[Tracy Lord]

That said, can I ask you a few questions?

1. In 2 years you will be able to go to real dance clubs. Are you looking forward to it?

I've been to "real" dance clubs, in Canada, Paris and London. I didn't have a terrible time, but it's never something I'd go out of my way to do. It just seemed like such a waste of time. An expensive waste of time. Swing and salsa, on the other hand -- I am very much looking forward to being able to go swing dancing in Oregon. :)

2. Any plans for an after-college backpack trip around Europe?

Not after-, but mid-, if by "backpack trip" you mean "study abroad".

I have been abroad on vacation while seeing a young man back home, and it wasn't awful. I'm not a big fan of casual sex any more, though, so although it might be tempting I think I'll be able to manage.

3. Do you have some sexual itches you want scratched? (other girls, fetishes, etc)

Don't we all? ;) I'm pretty certain that I like the gentlemen, though.

4. Would you like to live in another place? Or join the Peace Corps or ???

I like cities, but Ashland suits me just wonderfully. When I graduate, I imagine I'll be going where the jobs are, and likewise for him. Fortunately, there's a fantastic font of theater jobs here in town. :) A lot of (competent) students stay on with the Shakespeare Festival for a few years as interns/assistants, building resume material and working with geniuses, before moving on. (And sometimes they never do!)

If you answered YES to any of the above, well, maybe a soon-to-be-graduated-and-living-in-the-real-world guy might not be the 'one'. In two years he could be bucking for that promotion that day you turn 21 and won't be able to go dancing until 7am.

Who wants to go dancing until 7 a.m. anyway? :eek: (I'm being facetious, of course, but 7 a.m. is LATE! It's one thing to be at a cast party where no one wants to go home so you flop around on the host's couch talking about Ibsen until the sun rises and someone puts on a pot of coffee, but out in the real world, with other people and cars? 7 a.m. is LATE!)

But both my sister and my female friend were looking for family-type things, not 'explore myself' things. Which side of that scale do you lean towards?

What, I can't have both?

Otherwise put...I wouldn't think about the long term here. Just enjoy the guy for now.

And believe you me, if I have my way, I plan to. :)

Last year (at 31) I dated a 19-year old for a few months. I spent the entire time thinking her father would kill me if he ever found out. Chick was born after Nintendo, freaked me right out.

Anyway, I found myself alot more reserved and less assertive than I would normally be with a girl closer to my own age. She was definitely calling the shots. If he seems ill-at-ease or sort of lame, you might need to reassure him that you're cool with the age difference, or that you like older guys, or something.

But 27 to 19 isn't as big a stretch as 31 to 19, so I dunno. That's all I got.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT!

Not that I have the gentlemen falling all over me all the time, but I was surprised at how reserved this one suddenly got when I brought up an actual date! (And men say women are the ones with the crazy mind games. Fah! :))

If I may ask, how would you recommend going about slipping those little reassurances in? Because I'm thinking saying "And hey, so, just in case you're wondering? It's, y'know, totally cool that you're, like, totally old and stuff!" probably wouldn't be the best way to do it. :)

[Grossbottom]

If I may ask, how would you recommend going about slipping those little reassurances in? Because I'm thinking saying "And hey, so, just in case you're wondering? It's, y'know, totally cool that you're, like, totally old and stuff!" probably wouldn't be the best way to do it.
Just treat him like he's a shy geek who doesn't know what to do. You can talk it out all Oprah-style, but you'll probably cover more ground faster if you just take the initiative in holding hands or something. He'll be worried about skeeving you out, so he almost certainly won't make the first move where any kind of physical contact is involved. The cradle may well have to beg (repeatedly) to be robbed. If you do decide to talk about it, I'd say keep it light. Maybe mention how you have to get home because you never miss an episode of Sesame Street, or you don't want to miss JV cheerleader practice, or something.

I dunno, I never really overcame my feeling of being a lecherous creep in my case, but that's probably because I had a bunch of female friends closer to my own age who were constantly nagging me for being a lecherous creep. :)

[Nava]

Believe what you want, but it IS a statistical fact. http://www.saviodsilva.net/r/ss80.htm


A statistical fact is not a universal fact. "most men's sex drive diminishes after 30" is true. I know several guys that I'm surprised they ever managed to have kids (must have been the wifes raping them, I swear); I also know several whose sex drive was in perfect health until they were in their eighties. :D



I look 6-12 years younger than I am, so several times I've had younger guys hitting on me. I didn't have a problem with it, but for some reason they did. I've also had guys my age who ran for the hills when they found out they were my age :wally


When we were 17, one of my high school friends started dating a guy who was 28. You would easily have pegged either at 23-24. At that point, he was looking to get hitched and she didn't, so they almost broke up... until something that would be too long to explain changed her mind. They've been married for almost 20 years; their twins are now 16 I think.

Another friend started dating a high school senior when she was 12 (they met at a "junior disco", a club that opens in the afternoon and doesn't sell alcohol, she got in with a fake ID because you're supposed to be 14). They got pregnant the summer before she started college, she didn't want to get married because she wasn't sure that she wanted to marry him and she certainly hadn't planned on getting married at that point, he was always very supportive, they ended up getting married, got another boy. They've been together over 20 years. He never even considered asking her to "marry me and just forget this college shit", like some other guys I know of, who were the same age as their college girlfriends but weren't going to college and didn't see the value of an education.



From what you say in your second post, I think age isn't really an issue here. You are at a point when you are defining yourself, but so is he in a way - going back to college puts you straight into the "redefinition underway" bin. He's gone back because he's figured out he wants to do something he didn't use to know he wanted... but he still has a lot of details to work out.

Whether the ride is long or short, absolutely passionate or warmly friendly... enjoy :)