Let's create the official Straight Dope Mythology

[Sampiro]

so that centuries now our descendants can fight over it.

Simple rules:

1-Nobody can say anything to close the thread, such as but not limited to "And Wilford Brimley came along and created everything out of oatmeal. The End."

2- No previously appearing gods or goddesses except in passing or as a point of reference. (i.e. you can say "and Zeus dropped in for tea and suggested an Oreo be given legs" or "as beautiful as Aphrodite" but no "and Zeus created a race of trolls from a large prickly pine". Any majorly active deities must be created here (though you can use deities created by other posters).

3- As many deities as you like.

4- Let's hold off on creating humans for the first few posts at least.

5- Feel free to leave your post open ended, build onto another's post or write a totally self contained one.

I'll start (obviously):


IN THE BINARY BEGINNING- before there was light or speech or thought, before the first OP was made or the wars in the heavens caused the first thread to be locked and its posters cast out, before anything (or perhaps after everything that went before disappeared)

there existed nothing but a colossal zero, that was but a concept, and then from its belly was born a 1, and 0 and 1 were the first two concepts. Now there are many tales and theories as to how the (clearly vaginal) 0 came to give birth to the (clearly phallic) 1 when there existed nothing else, and some will be posted soon.

[Sampiro]

And one more rule: when the Dopers are created, the tale of the ULTIMATE THREAD that was locked and may one day be opened again must be told.

I have a prediction that this will be a very short or very long thread. Currently I'm leaning towards the former.

[Antinor01]

It has been postulated by some that the Colossal Zero was invented as a means to explain what they did not understand. Those woh subscribe to this belief hold that the 0 and the 1 were spontaneously generated from the unknown.

[Governor Quinn]

It has been postulated by some that the Colossal Zero was invented as a means to explain what they did not understand. Those woh subscribe to this belief hold that the 0 and the 1 were spontaneously generated from the unknown.

Others, however, believe that 0 and 1 are too perfect to have been created by chance, thereby confirming the role of the Colossal Zero.

Finally, there are those who argue that, while 0 and 1 were creations and not a product of random chance, that the figure involved in this was not a mythical Colossal Zero, but by someone that can be identified. Dozens of men and women are proposed by this camp, but none hae received universal acceptance in this field.

[MLS]

And the One and the Zero created Light and Not-Light. And there was morning and evening upon the first day.

[The Great Sun Jester]

But there was Another abiding near 0 and the 1. It was called simply: 2. Now 2 felt it was greater than 0 and 1 combined, and it wished to rule over them supremely.

[BrainGlutton]

But 1 and 0 combined to make the Binary Two, and thus the ambitious 2 found itself matched.

[The Great Sun Jester]

Filled with wrath, 2 disappeared into the abyss to plot against the synergistic 1 & 0.

[Governor Quinn]

On the second day, the 0 and the 1 began to begat, and, lo, they created code.

[cabdude]

I can't wait for Og to make his appearance.

[swampbear]

I can't wait for Og to make his appearance.
And Og said, Lo! Og smash and pronounce code should create mundane and pointless stuff I (great Og) must share. Og then pronounce there can be no second day but day 11. And there was evening and morning upon the 100st day.

[anyrose]

But only once. For twenty minutes. In the year 11000101000101001010010110101011 (I'm guessing)

[Sampiro]

And who was Og? Some say that Og was the substance from which 0 and 1 and 2 arose, others that Og was the afterbirth from 1 that somehow became sentient and accidentally mated with the shadow of 0 and 1 and formed 2. Others claim that Og preexisted 0 and 1 and was the only thing left of the last great universe all collapsed into one, all powerful in the former universe but an alien in the new one. Og in human form once claimed to be a Canadian born Hollywood dwelling producer seeking somebody "exactly like you...only in " for a Rick Springfield video, but this was not until much much muc much much much much much later.

There is much debate as to Og was and where Og came from, but the most widely believed story is that Og...

[DiggitCamara]

And who was Og? Some say that Og was the substance from which 0 and 1 and 2 arose, others that Og was the afterbirth from 1 that somehow became sentient and accidentally mated with the shadow of 0 and 1 and formed 2. Others claim that Og preexisted 0 and 1 and was the only thing left of the last great universe all collapsed into one, all powerful in the former universe but an alien in the new one. Og in human form once claimed to be a Canadian born Hollywood dwelling producer seeking somebody "exactly like you...only in " for a Rick Springfield video, but this was not until much much muc much much much much much later.

There is much debate as to Og was and where Og came from, but the most widely believed story is that Og...
SMASH!

...I just couldn't resist...

[kunilou]

Others claim that Og preexisted 0 and 1 and was the only thing left of the last great universe all collapsed into one, all powerful in the former universe but an alien in the new one.

So our universe is actually v2.0? Or 1.1? Or something?

And Og complained that the new universe had a worse interface and was loaded with bugs, and even worse, Og could no longer even get support for the old universe.

[Smeghead]

Then, in a moment of pure glory and ecstasy, there arose the one perfect being. The Master. And behold, it was Cecil. Or Ed.

[anyrose]

Simultaneous to all of Og's efforts, were the lesser known travails of Malus Sieversii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malus_sieversii). Malus' universe was free of bugs and viruses, and all who encountered it had little or no difficulty interfacing with it. Malus was willing to compromise with Og, since Og's universe was...

[swampbear]

Simultaneous to all of Og's efforts, were the lesser known travails of Malus Sieversii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malus_sieversii). Malus' universe was free of bugs and viruses, and all who encountered it had little or no difficulty interfacing with it. Malus was willing to compromise with Og, since Og's universe was...
teh suxxxor!!!111. So, thus, Og made appear from the mist and mire a land known as "Alabama" from which arose the Garden of Weokahatchee...

[gabriela]

[Quick question, whispered aside: Is Sampiro a god or a prophet?]

[Sternvogel]

But only once. For twenty minutes. In the year 11000101000101001010010110101011 (I'm guessing)

Actually, it was 11110101000. But since nitpickery doesn't appear in the scriptures until after the exile of the Demigod-Demiprophet Sampiro from the Garden of Weokahatchee, I'm getting ahead of the story. Which of the scholars among us can pick up where swampbear left off?

[The Understander]

teh suxxxor!!!111. So, thus, Og made appear from the mist and mire a land known as "Alabama" from which arose the Garden of Weokahatchee...

And then Og did SMASH! with his Clue Club the ground of the Garden of Weokahatchee, and created he from the dust the first Administrators. And Og saw that they were good (enough for the purpose). And Og charged his Administrators to oversee the creation that Og would soon bring forth from the garden, and to ward the garden always against the 2, who was also the source of the Tree of Ignorance inconveniently growing in the center of the Garden...

[Cat Whisperer]

And lo, there were Trolls in this garden, dwelling beneath the gilded bridges. The Trolls did love to argue and provoke, and the dwellers in this beautiful garden were oft warned not to feed them. The Smiters in the Garden were called upon betimes to smite the Trolls and Ban them from the Garden, but ofttimes did the Trolls return with Fuzzy Coverings upon them.

[The Understander]

And Og said:

"Let us create this day Posters, that the garden and the world may be filled with those who can learn and grow from each other..."

<<aside: I'm going to hand it off here. I'm not NEARLY theologically advanced enough to handle the whole Creation of Man deal, even in farce>>

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Then Og and the Administrators (a band name, perhaps?) did create the first Board. It was good.

It did not need tithing (known to the members as "subscription") in which to participate. Cecil, the Great Prophet, was charged for gathering the flock for Og....

[ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]

...and slowly upon that gathered flock of proverbial sheep, there crept A Certain Co-Worker Who Thinks He's Funny . A proverbial wolf in proverbial sheep's clothing (having slipped into the binary skin of one of Cecil's own deciples, Hal Briston) after Hal had stepped away for but a moment, assuming that no harm could be done in his absence.

Thusly, the imposter boomed across the Board in Hal's unmistakable voice:

Sex with sheep is fun.

Yes, I thought I'd just let you all know that. Nothing better. Yup, I do love them sheep. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6550275&postcount=1)

The assembled flock blinked twice upon comprehending this statement, then slowly backed away from who they thought was Hal, so as not to rupture his eardrums with their laughter (as well as to be sure to secure all of their sheep from unwanted andvances).

And so it was decreed by all that was, is, and ever will be, that Hal's eternal punishment for leaving his computer unlicked would be the perpetual telling and re-telling of (and references to) this story learned over, and over, and over, and over....

[ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]

:smack: :smack: :smack:

I'd beg a mod to adjust for that typo, but something tells me my chances of redemption are slim.

[anyrose]

...and slowly upon that gathered flock of proverbial sheep, there crept A Certain Co-Worker Who Thinks He's Funny . A proverbial wolf in proverbial sheep's clothing (having slipped into the binary skin of one of Cecil's own deciples, Hal Briston) after Hal had stepped away for but a moment, assuming that no harm could be done in his absence.

Thusly, the imposter boomed across the Board in Hal's unmistakable voice:



The assembled flock blinked twice upon comprehending this statement, then slowly backed away from who they thought was Hal, so as not to rupture his eardrums with their laughter (as well as to be sure to secure all of their sheep from unwanted andvances).

And so it was decreed by all that was, is, and ever will be, that Hal's eternal punishment for leaving his computer unlicked would be the perpetual telling and re-telling of (and references to) this story learned over, and over, and over, and over....
...to each new generation of posters. And lo, on the grassy knoll, beside the gazebo out of which protuded an arrow, came the lurkers. And the lurkers did peer around and look over everyone else's shoulders. And Og saw the lurkers and tried to convert them into posters. ...

[swampbear]

so that they too could ask and receive answers to the eternal questions, "Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?" and "What are the three words that end in -gry?" Og looked around and saw that it was good. Then created he pie for all the Posters and they much rejoiced in the goodness of Pie.

[kunilou]

And lo, the posters continued to come in all manner -- the wise and the boorish, the reasoned and the nutjob. And they all came in groups of two, except for Opal, who proclaimed that a group must have at least three.

And it came to pass that the posters let out with great wailing and lamentation

Why is this board so @#$%^&* slow!!!!!

[Cat Whisperer]

Ere one of the Trolls who were Cast from the Garden did Wreak mighty Vengeance on the Boards, and so many of the Pearls of Wisdom were lost in The Winter of Our Missed Content. The Flock did migrate to other Lands, but found none were as Fertile as the Garden of their Birth, so they came back when the Garden was Re-built, but some strayed and were Never found again.

[Pixiesnix]

<tugs on featherlou's robe>

Oh learned one, from whence had the Trolls come upon the Garden? I once heard that they were created by the Arch-Number. Is this true?

[Rico]

...Hal's eternal punishment for leaving his computer unlicked...

:smack: :smack: :smack:

I'd beg a mod to adjust for that typo..

You must be joking. It's perfect the way it is.

:p

[Seven]

It has been postulated by some that the Colossal Zero was invented as a means to explain what they did not understand. Those woh subscribe to this belief hold that the 0 and the 1 were spontaneously generated from the unknown.


Post #3 and there is already mention of the subscription prophecy*? :eek:



*The fundamentalists believe the fulfillment of the subscription prophecy is the first sign of the end of days.

[Fern Forest]

And then there came upon the teeming thousands a nameless sock called Lecic Smada and he whispered into their ears concerning wallpaper and the Titanic. And there was much murmuring.

[Tripler]

Wait, will there be no books on how the various geographically-scattered Tribes of Cecil wandered out of darkness to congregate, thus birthing the sacrament of the DopeFest?

C'mon now! Think people! Bacchanal celebrations must be integral to the myth!

Tripler
And orgies! Don't forget the orgies! even though I've never *seen* an orgy

[anyrose]

And orgies! Don't forget the orgies! even though I've never *seen* an orgy
Honey, if an orgy is only *seen*, it ain't being done right ;)

[Kythereia]

*merely smiles*

[Tripler]

Honey, if an orgy is only *seen*, it ain't being done right ;)

Yeah, but you oughtta hear about 'em later! :D

Tripler
I still never seem to get invited, dammit.

[Mr. Goob]

And suffering in the background, toiling away on their little wheels the hampsters ran and ran and ran.

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

And lo, the posters continued to come in all manner -- the wise and the boorish, the reasoned and the nutjob. And they all came in groups of two, except for Opal, who proclaimed that a group must have at least three.

And it came to pass that the posters let out with great wailing and lamentation

Why is this board so @#$%^&* slow!!!!!

And lo, as the howls of outrage reached a climax, Og reached out and brought in the hamsters, and built them gigantic wheels for them to run in.

[Sternvogel]

As the careful reader hath noted, the exalted Mr. Goob hath made note of hampsters, whilst the esteemed ExtraKun did refer to hamsters. This orthographic controversy hath been the impetus for many a discussion on these boards. The compromise view holdeth that Og did bring in hamsters, but that some were not fit for the task of keeping the board running, and did thus perish, while the fittest did survive and mutate into a new species (or at least a subspecies) that became known as hampsters.

[Cat Whisperer]

<tugs on featherlou's robe>

Oh learned one, from whence had the Trolls come upon the Garden? I once heard that they were created by the Arch-Number. Is this true?
Trolls come and Trolls go - they are as numberless as grains of sand on the beach.

And verily did he say unto Thee - there shall come Prophets into your midst, and they will Tell you Many Things about Circumcision and SUVs, and by their mad Raving and Ranting and Foaming At The Mouth you shall know them, and by the Ponies of One Sole Trick. And you Shall listen to them, and be Amused by them, and then you Shall Kick Them Out because they Cause too much Trouble.

[Yumblie]

From below one of the troll bridges there crept a vine, upon which a single grape grew. The grape grew, until it broke off the vine. It proceeded to grape everything in sight, causing much chaos, until it was eventually smited. The Grapist, as it came to be known, had gathered some followers in its short time, and they lamented the loss, saying that its intentions were misunderstood. The board moved on, and the Grapist passed into legend, an example of how one can be amused and annoyed simultaneously.

[Sternvogel]

Whilst the smiting of The Grapist was, of course, an act of Og, this deity was without title until given name by the blessed racinchikki. Her post (#10) in this thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=103615) doth reveal her moment of inspiration, for which she hath earned a place in the Doper pantheon even though she doth not abide presently in the realm of Perfect Master Cecil.

[Daithi Lacha]

... and a messenger of Og appeared unto the faithful Posters, and said, "Lo! and behold! For I bring you glad tidings. For I went away, and now I have come back, and see -- I have brought pie!"
And the Posters were grateful in their hearts, and they lifted up their voices in righteous praise of pie, but soon their singing ceased, and they were sore worried, for no pie was to be seen in the land. Their joy turned to despair, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
And then the messenger did make his right hand into the shape of a shooting-gun, and said to the Posters, "Gotcha ya!"

[kunilou]

... and a messenger of Og appeared unto the faithful Posters, and said, "Lo! and behold! For I bring you glad tidings. For I went away, and now I have come back, and see -- I have brought pie!"
And the Posters were grateful in their hearts, and they lifted up their voices in righteous praise of pie, but soon their singing ceased, and they were sore worried, for no pie was to be seen in the land. Their joy turned to despair, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
And then the messenger did make his right hand into the shape of a shooting-gun, and said to the Posters, "Gotcha ya!"

Actually there was pie. Once. In 1960. For 20 minutes.

[Daithi Lacha]

Actually there was pie. Once. In 1960. For 20 minutes.
And it was good.

[Antinor01]

Many others came to this blessed land, some of them Trolls, some of them with fuzzy coverings, but among them a number of Posters. These New Posters, while not charter, brought news and stories from their distant lands of the existance of the FSM and the IPU and a host of other divine beings. This caused not a small amount of consternation and discussion on such subjects as...who would win, Jesus or the IPU.

Over time, these many and varied beliefs have held more or less sway but it is generally accepted that more than one divine one can exist. Though in private some of the Posters hold to the belief that there can be only one.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

And much like Highlander, there could only be One. The Deities did clash and disagree heartily with each other. The disciples of said deities did hold many arguments in a Forum known as Great Debates. They argued about whose deity could reign supreme and what the deal was with airplane peanuts.

Pie was also discussed.

[Uncommon Sense]

And thus the next day was somehow begotten. As in, "Johnny begotten the clap from Sally."
And this day became long and within its parameters there became knownst to the binary and the trolls such things as the MMP, the LoTR, Hi Opal, the Death Ray, the Cooler of Death, and something about a Blimp. Og laugh and like what Og see.
Og need new monitor.
Og sent leader of community to mountain top to retrieve tablets which contained a loosely defined set of rules which read as follows.....

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Rule 1: Don't be a dick. If dickishery is in your heart, Og shall smite you through various channels that Og and only Og has access to. Dicking over your neighbors is to be tried in a court of your peers. If two-thirds of your peers find you guilty of dick-craft, you are to be pilloried for no fewer than 5 days and no more than one year. After that, the perpetrator is to be put on the Altar of Og, when everthing is left to Og's Divine Mercy.

[Ghanima]

And thus the next day was somehow begotten. As in, "Johnny begotten the clap from Sally."
And this day became long and within its parameters there became knownst to the binary and the trolls such things as the MMP, the LoTR, Hi Opal, the Death Ray, the Cooler of Death, and something about a Blimp. Og laugh and like what Og see.
Og need new monitor.
Og sent leader of community to mountain top to retrieve tablets which contained a loosely defined set of rules which read as follows.....
"Thou shalt not be a jerk"
"Thou shalt not have post-count parties"
"Thou shalt not change thy user name but one time only"
"Thou shalt not create a sock"

And the posters bowed, and said, "There is no Og but Og, and Cecil is his prophet (or Ed)."

[DiggitCamara]

And Og saw that all was good. But Og also spotted that some threads were gooder than others.

And Og said unto his closest disciples: "go forth and report these gooder threads so that all my followers shall partake in their goodness without straying and unnecessary stressing of hampsters".

[Sean Factotum]

And Og also noticed that His Rules, on stone tablets, were just too damn heavy to be lugging around. This meant not everyone would know His rules.

"Let these rules be put somewhere all can see. Stick them over there." And the result was that still not all of His followers have ever read the rules.

[Oy!]

And mighty Og looked around, and saw that if somebody didn't start paying the piper, the hampsters would be repossessed. And thus Og brought forth ...The Subscription.

And there arose a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from the land.

And Og said unto the people "Suck it up."

[Cat Whisperer]

I don't think you coded that quite right, Oy!. It was more like
THE SUBSCRIPTION!!!!

(It would be even better with thunderbolts and lightning around it.)

[Oy!]

I don't think you coded that quite right, Oy!. It was more like
THE SUBSCRIPTION!!!!

(It would be even better with thunderbolts and lightning around it.)

I humbly beg your pardon for getting the Holy ScriptureTM wrong!

[Cat Whisperer]

And lo, there was indeed much Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth when
THE SUBSCRIPTION!!!!
entered The Garden. THE SUBSCRIPTION!!!! also caused a great Schism in the Garden, and new Species were Created - The Whiners and The Disappeared. Sometimes The Whiners became The Disappeared, but not until they had Announced Their Intent to Leave and Whined for A While. Full many a Regular Poster was heard to say, "Don't Let the Door Hit Thine Ass on the Way Out."

[Oy!]

And then came forward the Prophets of Og's Grace, and lo! THE SUBSCRIPTION!!!! of many a poor poster was paid. And the posters did cry "Thanks be unto Og!"

[Oy!]

And Og saw that it was Good.

[Ghanima]

And so it was that the domain of straightdope.com was populated with the people of Og and the followers of Cecil, plus a few total dipsticks.

And the hamsters, lo did they run. But the sweat upon the brow of the hamsters troubled Og, and he decided to create anew his land. And so it was that the Ads of Google (TM) cam to rest at the base of each page. "Fear Nott" spake the Admins, "For Altho the Adds of the Google are Unfamilliar to thif landd, Thay Shallt Nott be Too Annoying unto ye." And the people submitted to Og's will. And the Ads of Google were strewn upon the pages of the Dope.

[Uncommon Sense]

And Og said unto the people "Suck it up."
And while most didn't take it literally, some mistook the quote as a euphamism for a certain type of sexual activity which untill this point remained taboo.

[The Great Sun Jester]

It came to pass that there entered the garden a certain poster know by many as Thaidog. It pleased Og to create in Thaidog the embodiment of “frenetic genius.” His natural origins were as mysterious as the origins of the wind. Some suspect he was descended from the trolls because of his absolute disregard for propriety. Others, that he was a manifestation of 2. Alas his attack on ignorance was as acute in method as it was obtuse in scope. Rabid…broken…the thoughts, the phrases. Angry! War was begun on an unnamed enemy with his first thread! War threatened on another in his last. For Thaidog was doomed to a quick fate, garnering little patience from the Mods once they took his notice. He was smitten without ceremony and cast down into the internets away from the light of Cecil (or Ed). But in his brief sojourn in the war against ignorance he gave us, “I burning you dog!” (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=203185&page=1&pp=40)

[Oy!]

And in the lands surrounding The Straight Dope, there came to be two champions - one of the Dark, one of the Light. And these two champions were yclept the W and Gore (he who invented the internet, so legends claim). And within the land of Og, the People were divided into tres partes: the Repugs, the Demogogs, and the LazyIndifferents. And these three parties did argue and battle mightily, with many doughty (and self-perceived doughty) warriors doing combat on each side. And so the Gore was slain in the dark lands beyond the Dope, and after some years came forth another champion of the Dems: the Kerry. And even more vehemently did the Dopers argue amongst one other as the schism continued.

And the people did cry out mightily, as, while some were slain or withdrew, others continued on. And on. And on. And some, such as December and Reeder were banished from the land by the Priests of Og in the hopes that there would be peace on the Dope. But it was not to be.

And so the schism hath continued, yea, until this very day, and in fact until eternity or that asshole is booted out of office, whichever cometh first! Hath anyone a 1920's style Death Ray?

[Oy!]

And there came in many generations the great Patriarchs and Matriarchs of the Straight Dope. First among these was Eve, patroness of Golden-Age movies, witty repartee, and correct conduct. And Og said "Sound good to Og!" and thus more were created.

Amongst these sages were Polycarp, expert on all things Judeo-Christian; Scylla, Master Wang-Ka, and Sampiro, masters of the killingly funny; EddyTeddyFreddy, Mistress of the Limerick and Horses; and Twickster, expert for word play. And perhaps the greatest of all, tomndebb, master of expert debate, calm and reasoned dialog, and over-all good sense.

And so penis ensued, and many masturbated like a motherfuck. And Og saw that it was Good.

[Uncommon Sense]

And so penis ensued, and many masturbated like a motherfuck. And Og saw that it was Good.
Whenceforth it came to be that the masses chose masturbating like a mutherfuck over recognizing the gracious glory of Og through ample tithing, many an elbow collided and the masses were cast from the land of the AOL into the great depths of the internets.....

[kaylasdad99]

And the Lord OG said unto Himself: verily, the millions that teem are crying out to me for my mercy; their motherfuckinglike masturbation, and their burning of one another's dogs, and their pie have grown stale and profitless; and sameness and coherence are prevailing across the firmament that is the Dope; yea, if this continues forward shall entropy overtake this place until the heat death of the Interwebs; now therefore let us introduce something new.

And on Day 101000011101 the Lord OG did take on the form of an invisible pink unicorn, and did descend upon the Doper known to the board as Balthisar, and did cause his fingers to wax wroth in the Pit upon the theme of the supermarket discount card; and lo, did the prophet Balthisar rant, uhhh, rantily, until from his fingers spilled forth the name of the Pobe (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=367261), who before that day had not been encountered on the Dope.

And the Dopers looked with confusion and incomprehension upon the Pobe. Some trembled in fear and annoyance at the strange concept, but the wise took counsel within their breasts, and proclaimed: "See how mighty is the Lord our OG, for in our complacency, He hath blessed us with a new catchphrase, which shall surely be with us for longer than twenty minutes in 11110101000." And a great shout of joy went up throughout the land.

[Governor Quinn]

Then, in a moment of pure glory and ecstasy, there arose the one perfect being. The Master. And behold, it was Cecil. Or Ed.

Here, it is as good a time as any to discuss one of the major theological arguments of the time.

For, lo, two camps developed. One claimed that Ed had begat Cecil, the other that Cecil begat Ed. Many an arguement broke out over this topic, usually with much smoke and little light.

[Cluricaun]

We believe in one Og, the Father, the almighty, maker of Dopers and Boards, of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Master, Cecil Adams, the only Son of Og, eternally begotten of the Father,

Og from Og, Light from Light, true Og from true Og, begotten, not made, of one being with the Master. Through him all Questions were Answered.

For us Dopers and for our salvation he came down from The Chicago Reader; by the power of the Internet he became incarnate of the SDMB, and was made Supreme Ruler. For our sake he was Syndicated under Contractual Agreement; he suffered fools and was amusing.

On the third day the Board rose again in accordance with the Subscription; Cecil ascended into Legend and is seated at the right hand of the Ed Zotti. He will come again in glory to answer the hapless and the inquisitive, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in Admins, the SDSAB and, occasionally the Mods, the givers of posting privileges, who proceed from the Master. With the Master, they are either worshipped or vilified. He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one nifty and interesting board. We acknowledge one Warning for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the hamsters, and the life of the threads to come.

Amen.

[Uncommon Sense]

Pure Genius!

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

And, all vampires come from BALTIMORE (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_039.html).

[Cluricaun]

Pure Genius!

Well we need a creed, don't we? At least it wasn't Hail Cecil.... :D

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

We believe in one Og, the Father, the almighty, maker of Dopers and Boards, of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Master, Cecil Adams, the only Son of Og, eternally begotten of the Father,

Og from Og, Light from Light, true Og from true Og, begotten, not made, of one being with the Master. Through him all Questions were Answered.


But in times to come there were contronvesy about the nature of Og. Some thought he was the Dual Manifestation of Both Knowledge and Ignorance. Some thought actually, He was three. And this explained why some Posters believed in

1) Og
2) Master Cecil Adams and...
3) Hi Opal!

[DiggitCamara]

And, after an extended while, the worst aberration of CREATION appeared, the dreaded....








ZOMBIE THREAD