I am so Mad!

[kellibelli]

I just found out my ex hasnt paid his support (court ordered)and I wont get the $$ for aug until the end of sept...the oldest needs school shit, and the youngest has a birthday on monday coming, I have exactly $33 in the fucking bank and I am gonna cry!
If it wasnt for my commision on this coming pay, I wouldnt even be able to cover my rent. Fuck!
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
what a bastard.
he fucking TOLD me on thursday that he would have the company sent the $ for aug15th on the 30thof aug...he lied.BIG fucking surprise there....
he hasnt seen the kids for over a month...his choice.2 months ago, he wanted me back, wanted to get married etc, now he wont even visit the kids.
fuck.

I am just so mad!
you dont need to reply, and I am not fucking whining either, just venting...if someone has a good "got the rat-bastard ' story to share, that would be really swell.
FUCK!!!

[Stoid]

Tip:

Do not allowe yourself to be at the mercy of ex-husbands, ex-wives, ex-anythings. The very fact of their ex-ness makes them unreliable. Many seem to feel that because the primary relationship has ended, all commitments and obligations are at an end as well.

[kellibelli]

what really tears at me is that he is obviously gonna blow off frankie's birthday...
I adore that child like you wouldnt believe, and he used to also...I cant believe he would hurt my baby like this.
fuck...crying.

I hate him...and he was a bad lay!HA!!!

[Frankie]

Its ok Kelli-
I'm not expecting anything from that bastard anyway!
;)
-Frankie

[BoBettie]

Kelli...wish I could help! All I can say is:
He's a total Rat bastard who should have his balls singed with a red hot branding iron that says "I'm an SOB". One thing you could try- see if your company can give you a small advance on your commission check. Then do what my sister did. Consider any support from him "extra" and just figure he isn't going to pay it. I think all deadbeat dads (and moms) should have to wear a big scarlett "D" around. If you don't feel better soon, I'll help you cook up some nasty, vengeful shit that will make you feel better ;)

------------------
An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

[Therealbubba]

Why not try asking HIS boss for the money? You probably won't get it but at least his boss will know what a deadbeat he is.

[TubaDiva]

I do not know what state you're living in, (outside of the state you're in, which is bad and I don't blame you one little bit), but most states take a very dim view of people that don't pay their child support.

Call the police on him. Tomorrow, bright and early. If he won't pay you, he can explain his reasons why to the judge.

In my home town, there's a special wing of the jail reserved for deadbeat parents. Always room for one more.

Sorry to hear you're having these problems. I agree with you it's a rat bastard thing to do. My mother raised 6 children all by herself in a time when deadbeat dads could get away with it, so I understand your pain all too well.

your humble TubaDiva

[timmar68]

I don't even count on my child support anymore. If I get any, I consider it found money. Here in WI deadbeat dads don't get any slack. The state looks for him for me so i don't have to worry about that. They've even sent him to court for non payment! They also took away his drivers license. And as for Greg's birthday, sad to say but he's never sent anything or even called. As far as Greg is concerned, he has no dad. Due to his autism, I have no clue if he even thinks about him. I know that he knows that other kids have a father but he's never asked me about his.

oh yeah...me ex has a small penis. :)

------------------
MaryAnn
Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

[timmar68]

oops..."me" should say "my".

------------------
MaryAnn
Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

[the first supraliminal]

Call the police on him. Tomorrow, bright and early. If he won't pay you, he can explain his reasons why to the judge.

In my home town, there's a special wing of the jail reserved for deadbeat parents. Always room for one more.

And I thought I had credit problems.

That's it. I'm not having any children. In fact, I think I'll singe my balls off right now...



------------------
One beer is less than two beers.

[kellibelli]

thanks guys...I am better today...I know he is a shit, but he still manages to stun me with his total shittiness.
I have a contact at family court here in NB, and they called his employer yesterday to tell them to take a double payment off his pay on the 15th of sept, the chick at the office (shitboy drives truck) told the court worker "well, that wont leave him with much money!"
to which the court worker replied basically "tough"
he is already under court order to pay, and they have put a garnish(?) on his wages, so from now on, the $$ will be deducted from his pay.

:) Frankie, I am glad you dont mind. :)

I'll get the rat bastard yet...just you wait!

[BoBettie]

Kelli...excellent step..wage garnish is the way to go..be cautious, though..my sister found that after they started doing that to her rat-bastard ex, he quit his job and started working under the table. (and his boss knew he owed support- didn't care). She turned in the company, they got in trouble, blah, blah, blah...just be careful about counting on it, even if it's coming right out of checks :)
Hang in there!!!

------------------
An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

[kellibelli]

I do worry about that, but not alot, shitboy has a crim. record, so it is HARD to find new employment...he wont screw around with his job.

I am more worried that he will try to have the $$ for the older child lifted...older child is not his( he is from first marriage)
and shitboy voluntarily signed to pay for both.

it would be pretty shitty to disown my oldest now, but hey!- he has done everything else!

[JillGat]

The money is a bummer, but I think it's even sadder that he's distancing himself from his kids in other ways. That's gotta hurt.

[EnigmaOne]

{{{I am more worried that he will try to have the $$ for the older child lifted...older child is not his( he is from first marriage)
and shitboy voluntarily signed to pay for both.}}}---kelli

Pragmatically speaking, it sounds like money is the issue for you.

He should not be obligated to support a child that is not his own--exclusive of legal adoption. Since that has not occurred, you should release him from that particular payment.

The child has no way of knowing if you are receiving support payments earmarked for him unless, of course, you make it an issue with the child--which you should not be doing.

The fact that he voluntarily signed to support both children is of no consequence--he has the right to change his mind. The support for the older child should be paid by that child's father. If the child's father is no longer alive, do your best.

My ex tried getting me to pay support for a child fathered by another man, after our divorce. The entire courtroom got a good laugh as the judge berated her for the tactic.

I have offered to be a father figure to this boy to no avail....even though my ex is now collecting support from his father, who lives in another state and refuses to see the child, she wants me to pay more money to her to help a child that isn't mine.

I'd better stop at this point, as I'm possessed of certain opinions on this subject that are better left unsaid.

:::bracing for the onslaught:::

------------------


--Kalél
Common ¢ for all ages...
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[kellibelli]

that quote was somewhat out of context...I was refering to the possibility that he might leave his job to avoid support..

my ex has been the dad for all but the first year.(7 years) It was his choice to do what he did. When I divorced my first husband, no support was ordered as I was with shitboy at the time, pregnant and we were to be married, he was planning to adopt the oldest.
Then he lost his job, and thing went down from there....but he has always considered them both his own.

I dont care nearly so much about the $$ as the fact that he might disown the oldest so he wont feel obligated to pay the support.
How would I explain that to him?
I have done everything short of follow him around and force the children on him.

Biology aside, they are both his,as much as they are mine, as much as a child can 'belong' to anyone.

I didnt try to force him to pay for both...he INSISTED...the court workers had never seen anything like it.He used to be a pretty decent guy...........

and the kids know nothing of this...I keep smiling and telling them that daddy still loves them and he will visit as soon as he can.
Last night the youngest cried for an hour for his daddy...

[EnigmaOne]

Kelli,

I am sorry..for the sake of your children. I really am.

I'm afraid that my own emotional past, with regard to such issues, makes me less than objective in matters such as this.

I'm going to refrain from further comment, except to say that I do empathize fully with your situation.



------------------


--Kalél
Common ¢ for all ages...
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[ChiefScott]

If a guy can get a word in edgewise...

Each month I gladly write the child support check to my ex-wife. It's money owed my son. If he needs something extra, I'll gladly cough it up.

This attitude earns me the right to see my son (at least that's the little cubbyhole this thought is filed under in my head).

Not all us guys are shitheads. I may have been a louse as a husband, but my ex insists I'm a great father.

My $.02 ladies.

[Leslie]

Good for you, Chief Scott. My dad had to pay a lousy $15/week/kid when I was growing up, and he almost never did it. He was happy to take the full bragging rights, and he made sure to put our school pictures up on his desk so he could show 'em to his friends, but when it came to the nitty-gritty DIRTY part of being a parent he was nowhere to be found. My mother had the opportunity to throw him in jail a dozen times, and she never took it. I think she was nuts, but then again the courts weren't as proactive then than they are now. She just got worn out trying to keep after him.

And yes, some men can be lousy husbands and great fathers. My mother's 2nd husband (after she divorced my dad) fit that bill.



------------------
"It's not burnt. It's Cajun!" - Christopher A. Evans

[tracer]

Beeruser wrote:

That's it. I'm not having any children. In fact, I think I'll singe my balls off right now...

Naw, no need to go that far ... a simple vasectomy should do the trick.

Speaking of which ...

Is there a way for a man to significantly reduce his average testosterone level, without getting castrated? I mean, does testosterone come out of the testes in a single pipe (like sperm do) which could be surgically clamped or cut? Or do the testes just release testosterone into their general blood supply, giving off a little into each and every capillary routing through them?

------------------
I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low.

Boy, I am happier than ever to be a spinster lady!

[BunnyGirl]

Kelli, all I have is hug for you. My dad was a "deadbeat" but he was also a self-employed carpenter and didn't haveany money so he exchanged work on the house for actual money, which was fine with my mom, most of the time. Hope things work out. Best bet would be to write him out of the kids lives: don't update him on anything, don't talk to them about him (unless they ask and then be truthful), don't expect anything of him.
Hope your day gets better!!!

[kellibelli]

thanks...I am gonna cut him out (not make it so easy to drift in & out)...
my day got better as soon as I heard from you guys...

kisses to all..
Kelli

[kellibelli]

you fellows sound like the ex-husband I WANTED to have... :)

I have honestly tried to never use the kids as a weapon, and I wont tell them what dad is up to, but I believe this ignoring the kids and stiffing me is all connected to the fact that I am finally in a relationship with someone other than him.

the truly tragic part of this is that he was agood dad once. I was working graveyard shift, and he was not working at all, and he got to be the primary caregiver...thus bonding in a way that only the primary caregiver can.

They really miss him.In a way I want to hurt him for hurting them, but I REALLY just want him to be consistent...visit often or not at all.(often preferably)

When we split for good, Jan 1st, 1998, he took one child every weekend overnight, alternating between them. I got solo time with each one, and so did he.It was great.
*sigh* why does he have to be like this....

he wont come around while he owes me money, so the kids wont see him until the end of september.that will be 2 MONTHS!! since the last visit or call.

I am not going to restrict his visits....I have thought long and hard about it, and while I cant MAKE him visit, I wont be the excuse he uses for not visiting. The kids will have to come to their own conclusions about their father.

********************

Now, to all the fathers out there who visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house...whatever...your effort will make your children into better people-GOOD FOR YOU!! pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you.

[pldennison]

And, while we're at it, kudos to all the custodial fathers who take care of the kids mom walked out on.

[kellibelli]

(face red)
you are so right...applause for the parents (gender non-specific) who do the right thing as best they can.

[bj0rn]

im having difficulties understanding the fact that you have to depend on your ex to pay you himself!
where i live the govenment pay you, then charge your ex for the money, and if he doesnt pay hes having troubles with the government, not you. you still get paid...
now aint that nice of em :)

bj0rn

[pldennison]

bjorn, here's a funny story. The domestic relations courts and administration where I used to live (Lake Co., Ohio) was, at some time, so woefully slow and inefficient that my mother and father agreed between themselves to, rather than have him send his payments to the court and wait for them to be distributed, send them to my mother, so she could take them to the courthouse and just let the d.r. court log them as paid.

Well, after a while she stopped taking the checks to the courthouse, so they had no record of the payments. Then (despite the fact that my mother was then cohabiting and still receiving alimony, breaking the divorce agreement), she had the gall to sue my father for unpaid alimony and child support. Unfortunately for her, he kept every single one of the cancelled checks, and buried her in court, winning a judgement against her for the alimony paid all the years she was cohabiting.

[BunnyGirl]

pl, good for your dad. Men seem to get the brunt of the bad press when it comes to divorce, child care issues and such but I've know plenty of women that were definately the guilty party. Again, good for your dad. Smart man.

[kellibelli]

ditto...good for your dad.
Moms like her give the rest of us a bad name..(no offence to you pl)

[ChiefScott]

Kells-bells articulated:

"Now, to all the fathers out there who visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house...whatever...your effort will make your children into better people-GOOD FOR YOU!! pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you."

If I may freely plagiarize:

Now, to all the mothers out there whose ex husbands visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house...whatever...your efforts in making his children available to him when he can see them is admirable.pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you.

Long story... possibly another thread... don't feel like delving into the damaged psyche of a child-deprived father just now...

[EnigmaOne]

{{{Moms like her give the rest of us a bad name.}}}---kell

{{{Men seem to get the brunt of the bad press when it comes to divorce, child care issues and such but I've know plenty of women that were definately the guilty party. }}}---BunnyGirl

Gently:

No Kell, those Moms give good Dads a bad name--one that they don't deserve.

Bunny, it's no accident that this happens. Most folks are not interested in the truth of a divorce--it is messy business. It's tragic that the legal system can't seem to recognize the appropriate Moms as the guilty party--it happens that this is the case more often than most poeple would like to believe. Nowdays it's PC to use broad strokes paint the guy as the evil entity in a dissolution, and the courts are all too ready to believe the lies. In the end, it's the children that suffer, and the fathers are blamed for it.

Look, I don't expect anyone to understand the perceptual transformation, from a loving father into a non-entity, that takes place through the process of dissolution; and it's difficult to comprehend the underclass status of the divorced father, unless you have lived that life yourself.

Sorry ladies, while I realize that there are more than enough asshole ex-hubbies out there, I also know from experience that there are more than enough despicable women out there who use their children as hostage meal-tickets--reducing them to mere commodities.

I don't have the words to describe such women adequately, and I won't use the words that do come to mind at the moment; nor will I paint women involved in divorce proceedings with the unthinking broad strokes of a brush that dehumanizes them.

I am disappointed in what I have seen in this thread--with one or two minor exceptions--but it's not like I didn't subconsciously expect it.


------------------

--Kalél
Common ¢ for all ages...
"Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz....but I'm feeling much better now!" -- John Astin, Night Court

[kellibelli]

update...
its tuesday, yesterday was frankie's birthday, and shitboy didnt even call.
*sigh*
I was not really surprised....at least frankie didnt ask for him.

[E1skeptic]

kell, screw your ex! I mean, screw him up, please! One thing's the money, another the child's feelings, ask me, I should know. Kids do not ask if Daddy's paid the month's alimony, they ask if he's coming to the party.

Ten years ago my ex-wife and my kids moved to Canada, where she remarried. 2100 miles away from me, straight line. It takes me 24 hours to get to their town, and I've visited with my kids every other month since then, no matter what. I've spent a fortune in phone bills, hotels, car rentals, meals at restaurants, etc. And every single cent has been worth it.

My sons are happy kids (one of them lives with mr now), I have a very good relation with my ex and her family. Her two little daughters (from the second marriage) call me "Poppy", which is their own version of "Papi" (Dad in Spanish, which is what my sons call me). And it has been easy to achieve this. All it takes is a little bit of love and patience and common sense.

It frustrates me to see parents (or anyone, for that matter) avoiding their responsabilities, and then complaining about others being irresponsible.

I feel like I can rant about this for hours, but what I really want is to ask you to please say Happy Birthday! to your son. From me, and from the rest of the SDers (sorry if I'm speaking for others, but I feel I can do it this time).

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Frankie!

[kellibelli]

thanks...24 hours to reach them, and you still visit, you are an example to others to sat the least.
Where in canada are they?

[E1skeptic]

Kenora, Northern Ontario. At the northern edge of Lake of the Woods. A beautiful little town, but freezing hell in the winter time!

It's some hundred and so miles east of Winnipeg.

And you know what the best part of all this is? My children speak, read, and write both English and Spanish fluently. They have learned how to behave and deal with both cultures (Canadian and Mexican). They have a nice, loving family in both countries.

I actually think they are very lucky kids. Their mother loves them, their stepdad (whom they call Dad, and he deserves it) loves them, they get to travel and make friends all over, they are loved and protected and growing healthy, which was, is and will be my main concern always.

All it took was to realize that (for my ex and myself) good friends make better parents than lousy lovers. So we decided to remain good friends. And it works.

I wish everybody was as lucky as I've been.

[kellibelli]

your situation has nothing to do with luck my friend...it has everything to do with hard work, sacrifices, putting petty stuff aside for the kids, swallowing your tongue when a sharp comment is right there on the tip of your tongue...you have a good heart, and every reason to be proud of the awesome gift you have given your children.

Luck?...no, I think not.

ps, I would be thrilled to have children and then break up with you.....(joke)
:)

[ChiefScott]

Kells-Bells, E1skeptic --

How do I go about puttin' you two gals in touch with my ex?

[E1skeptic]

kellibelli: Thanks! I'm blushing... <FONT FACE="WINGDINGS">J</FONT>

Chief: Is she pretty? What's her e-mail? kidding...!! but... doesn't she insists in saying that you're a great Dad?

[E1skeptic]

ooooops... that little face should've looked like this: <FONT FACE="WINGDINGS" SIZE="12" COLOR="RED">J</FONT>

[kellibelli]

why do you want me to meet your ex...break her legs? Have a good girl chat and show her what a great guy you are?

and isnt E1skeptic a guy? I was pretty sure....

[Doobieous]

First kells, i feel sorry for your children. No kid should be treated like that by one of their own parents!

I think all deadbeat dads (and moms) should have to wear a big scarlett "D" around.

Personally i think they should have it tattooed upon their foreheads. So all the world can see what a shitty person they are for treating their kids like shit.

But that's just me.... :)

[kellibelli]

On the brighter side...before we split I got him fixed!
:)

[Persephone]

My husband has a son that he pays child support for. He's a darling little boy, and I love him to pieces. His mother is a psychopath, but that's another thread.

There was a period of time where my husband couldn't pay his support, due to lack of work & money. He got a few thousand dollars behind. He felt horrible about it, but every time he got a few bucks in his pocket, it went to his son. Then my father-in-law died. He left behind a couple of substantial bank accounts, and we got some money. The first thing when we got home from the funeral was call Friend of the Court, and get a dollar amount owed. My husband was paid up by the end of the week, and we've not missed a payment since. And my stepson's mother has been very, very nice to us ever since.

Kelli, I do sympathize with you, though. My husband really, really tries hard to be involved with his son, even though he (husband) had some hard financial times. I hope your ex gets off his butt and at least starts visiting & calling again. Sure the money is important, but it's no substitute for being THERE when your kids need you.

[E1skeptic]

I am a guy! Hombre, male, homo, man, homme. I thought Chief was getting kinky ideas when he asked us to meet his ex... :)