Out of the mouths of babes (Warning: Cute Kid Story)

[NurseCarmen]

My wife was setting up the video game for my son in our bedroom. He was squeezing past my 5 months pregnant wife, and he asked her:

"Mommy? Is the baby growing a little bit in your butt?"

[yellowval]

Ahh, out of the mouths of babes! I was just thinking about starting one of these threads.

Recently my sister and my niece, 10, were shopping. My sister, who is quite well-endowed, tried on a shirt. She didn't realize how low-cut it was until she got it on, and saw how revealing it was. My sister was laughing so hard, she called my niece into the dressing room. My niece's first comment was, "Wow, that's a Barb Johnson shirt." (Barb being someone we know who likes to wear really tight shirts. Name changed to protect the boobage, I mean innocent.)
"Yeah, I've got quite the cleavage going on in this one, don't I?" my sister said. "Yeah, and your boobs are showing too," my niece answered.

[jali]

My wife was setting up the video game for my son in our bedroom. He was squeezing past my 5 months pregnant wife, and he asked her:

"Mommy? Is the baby growing a little bit in your butt?"

Really cute. Is your wife okay? I lost weight years ago when my then 3 year old said, "you're not fat Mommy, you're just chubby."

[NurseCarmen]

My wife cracked up.

I wouldn't be able to get away with that comment though. Of that, I am certain.

[Cervaise]

"Mommy? Is the baby growing a little bit in your butt?"It's made marginally less cute by the fact that your son is seventeen. ;)

[velvetjones]

My band recently had a gig at the local library. Since it was a public place and all ages were welcome I invited my brother and his family. My nieces and nephew have never seen me perform as it is usually a night club and/or late at night.

At one point I was scat singing and the syllable I was using must have sounded like beep, beep because my nephew leaned over to my brother and said "there must be a lot of bad words in the song because she's beeping them out"

[Beadalin]

On the other side of the coin, there are the badly-done lies that crack me up. For instance, my sister and brother-in-law have been revamping their decor, and were planning to get a new couch.

My niece, in kindergarten, came up to my sister the other day and told her that the lid had come off of a pen and so she'd gotten a little bit of ink on the couch, and she was sorry.

My sister said, "Oh, that's OK honey, sometimes that happens." Then she went to look at the couch.

My niece had written her own name in HUGE letters across one of the cushions. "A little bit of ink," indeed! HA!

[Beadalin]

On the other side of the coin, there are the badly-done lies that crack me up. For instance, my sister and brother-in-law have been revamping their decor, and were planning to get a new couch.

My niece, in kindergarten, came up to my sister the other day and told her that the lid had come off of a pen and so she'd gotten a little bit of ink on the couch, and she was sorry.

My sister said, "Oh, that's OK honey, sometimes that happens." Then she went to look at the couch.

My niece had written her own name in HUGE letters across one of the cushions. "A little bit of ink," indeed! HA!

[Avarie537]

At lunch today at Taco Bell, I heard a little girl ask for "whipped cream" for her soft taco. :D

[HelloKitty]

When my niece was little she LOVED hot chocolate. When she wanted regular chocolate milk she would call it (you guessed it!) COLD chocolate.

When she would eat something spicy she would call it "sparkly".

Awwww!!

[Leaffan]

When my daughter was 3, I took her into a change room at Sears with me while I was trying on some new pants. There were other men in the change rooms all around me when for some really weird unknown reason my daughter says out loud:

"Daddy. You're wearing big girl panties just like me!"

Holy crap! So, I say out loud (in my deepest man voice) "No. That's normal men's' underwear Leafgirl."

Unbelievable.... I'm chuckling as I type this, but it was embarrassing at the time.

[Chanteuse]

My hubby has had thinning hair for some years and eventually developed a large round bald spot on top of his head.

This is why my then-four-year-old son told his father, "Daddy, you've got a hole in your hair!"

[Alice The Goon]

I love these threads.


A couple years ago, my then-5-year-old and I were having dinner with a friend of mine who is, shall we say, dentally-challenged. My son had just lost his first tooth. He at one point looked at my friend and said, "I see YOU'VE been losing some teeth, too! Did the tooth fairy come?" :eek:


The other day he saw a commercial for the new slow-cooker liners, to make cleaning of your crockpot easier. He turned to me and asked me if I was a slow cooker, because if I was, now I had something to help me. Heh.

[Gorgonzola]

Our daughter announced at the age of three that she was going to become a dog when she grew up, and no amount of logic could dissuade her. She played being a dog day and night for years.

In time she grew old enough for kindergarten. She's a soft-hearted sort, like her dad, and wanted to please everyone, and sometimes that wasn't easy; some kids are pretty hard to please. One night she summoned me to her room, eyes big as proverbial saucers.

"Mum, I think I have a dog spirit," she said, plucking at the front of her nightie with anxiety.

"A dog spirit? What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you know how dogs are always trying to figure out what to do to make people happy. That's what I do, so I have a dog spirit! Maybe I really am becoming a dog!"

[Hokkaido Brit]

When my son was three, our neighbour's goldfish died, and she brought it out of the apartments when all the kids were playing out in front. The dead fish in her hand attracted a lot of attention, and there was a big funeral held with about 30 preschoolers watching as she dug a hole in a flowerbed and put the fish in it. Then the kids wandered away to play and that seemed to be the end of it.

That night at bed time my son suddenly asked me, "Mummy, why did that lady put the fish in the mud?" I told him that the fish was dead and it had been buried.

He looked at me with big anxious eyes and said "But where's the fish NOW? What's going to happen to it?"

I was a bit taken aback, never having had to talk to a kid about death before, and scrabbling around for an answer, I told him the fish was now in heaven.

That didn't seem to satisfy him, and he thought some more, then his face cleared and he said, "I know! She planted a little tiny fish, and it'll grow, and tomorrow it'll be a great big SHARK!"

[DanBlather]

My son got a book from my mother in which shed wrote "To David, Love Grandma". When I read it to him he started bawling uncontrollably. I asked him what was wrong and he said "No, ONE David love Grandma".

[SurrenderDorothy]

One of my coworkers has a two-year-old daughter who spends most evenings with her at work.

A few days ago, things were horribly busy and everyone was running around in the back trying to get things done. The door has a little bell thingy on it so that it chimes loudly when someone comes in, and I heard the bell chime and started toward the door to take care of the customer.

Little One runs out to a spot where she could be seen from the door but was still within her given boundaries and shouted, "just a moment please! someone will be right with you!"

(her mom asked her not to do that anymore. While most customers would find it adorable, it's not exactly professional.)

[MerryMagdalen]

(her mom asked her not to do that anymore. While most customers would find it adorable, it's not exactly professional.)

And while it's not exactly professional, it would have earned double plus tips from me. But I'm a softie like that.

[cantara]

2 from my 4 year old daughter...

1) She, her twin brother and 5 year old cousin were riding their bikes around a deserted parking lot. I was watching and helping when they fell. She falls and tries to get back on, when her cousin falls halfway across the parking lot from me. I call to him to see if he's okay, starting to walk toward him, and my daughter leaps on her bike and rides to him yelling "To the rescue!" I figured out later that she had remembered the line from a kids fire truck book I had read to them recently.

2) Eating at an Olive Garden last week, a family was seated at a table a little past us. As the family passed, a 6(?) year old girl walked by in a dress and very little wispy hair. I assume she was recovering from chemo treatments. As they walk by, my daughter starts asking loudly "Why's that girl not have any..." At this point both me and my wife are trying to quiet her voice while trying not to be too obvious about it. She finishes her sentence "...tights?"

[VunderBob]

When my son was about kindergarden age, he was quite the artiste, and was always scamming us for papaer to draw on.

My FiL had died a few months before, and the wife was the one to take care of the estate matters, which wasn't much. She got a big thick mailing from the laywer, and set it down. The rugrat picks them up and whips out the crayons to start creation of another masterpiece.

"No no no! Don't touch those! Those are Granddad's papers!"

The rugrat cocked an eyebrow, tilted his head, and with his hands on his hips, replied, "What are you going to do, mail them to God?"

[tdn]

When my nieces Mel and Jess were really young, they just luuuuuurved their Uncle Todd. I mean they'd grab onto me and not let go for the entire visit. If they couldn't sit next to me at mealtimes, they'd have crying fits. Ditto if I dared to pay attention to anything but them. I was the center of their world. They were electro magnets, and I was a big hunk o' metal.

The youngest, Jon, was not so demonstrative.

So I (and my parents) arrived at their house one December 24th. Bam, there are the nieces, glommed onto my legs. No time to chat, though, because we had to go immediately to church for the special Xmas service. I struggled to get to the minivan while wearing leg warmers made out of girls.

So we got to church, and I was sitting in a pew with a niece close by on either side.

The minister then asked that all of the children come up to the front pew. Jon went. Mel reluctantly left my side and went up. Jess wouldn't dare leave her favoritest uncle in the whole wide world. No inducement was sufficient.

"So kids", asked the minister, "does anyone know what Christmas is all about? Well, it's a birthday party. It's Jesus's birthday! And what do we do at birthday parties? We have cake!"

She then produced a tray full of cupcakes. Jess was away from her favorite uncle in a flash. There was not even a dust cloud to mark where she had been a split second earlier. I have never seen a kid move so fast.

So the minister told the kids all about mangers and wise men and bright stars while the kids ate their treats.

"And that, kids, is what Christmas is all about. Does anyone have any questions? Yes, Jon?"

"Can I have another cupcake?"

[tdn]

I overate this past Thanksgiving. Waaaaay overate.

So after dinner, I decided my only option was to lie down on the couch. My GF's niece's son Bobby decided this was an invitation to use me as a jungle gym. (Why do kids think of me in this way?) He started climbing up my legs then crawled onto my belly.

Oof!

"Bobby", I said, "please don't crawl there. I'm way too full."

He gave me a quizzical look.

I pointed to my stomach and said "There's a lot of turkey in there."

His quizzical look changed to one of skepticism, then of curiousity. He lifted up the bottom of my shirt to look inside and see if I was, in fact, smuggling table scraps.

[Carol the Impaler]

I may have told this one before.

When my nephew was little, I was living with mom and dad. I often got the chance to babysit and we would play and play. Such fun! Two and three year-olds are the best.

Anyway, one night I actually had plans to go out with one of my friends, and so I was setting my nephew's expectation that I would be eventually leaving. As the time drew near, I let him know I'd be leaving in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, etc.

He didn't want me to go and asked me why I had to leave. "Well," said I, "I told my friend I would go see her tonight, and it wouldn't be very fair if I didn't do what I said I was going to do."

He's not happy with that answer, asks a few more times, I explain a few more times. Eventually, he goes upstairs to, I presume, play with gramma.

A few minutes later, he comes back and standing on the stairs, his wee little hands up over his head holding on to the banister he says in a very you-are-not-being-logical voice...

"No, you can't go. You're my baby."

So hard not to cry! I still well up when I think about it.

[grimpixie]

My wife was setting up the video game for my son in our bedroom. He was squeezing past my 5 months pregnant wife, and he asked her:

"Mommy? Is the baby growing a little bit in your butt?"When my mom was pregnant with my sister, the fact that she had a baby growing in her tummy must have impressed me greatly, as my collected drawings of the time are filled with pictures of mommy with a baby in her tummies - but amongst them were two that stood out: a cowboy with a baby in his tummy and a dog with a cat in its tummy. :D

Grim

[ArrMatey!]

[QUOTE=cantara]2 from my 4 year old daughter...

1) She, her twin brother and 5 year old cousin were riding their bikes around a deserted parking lot. I was watching and helping when they fell. She falls and tries to get back on, when her cousin falls halfway across the parking lot from me. I call to him to see if he's okay, starting to walk toward him, and my daughter leaps on her bike and rides to him yelling "To the rescue!" I figured out later that she had remembered the line from a kids fire truck book I had read to them recently.
QUOTE]

You have no idea how proud I'd be if I had a kid that said, "To the Rescue!"
Your kid gets extra cool points in the book of Arr! :cool:

[Aangelica]

When my brother and his wife found out they were going to have their second child, they struggled a little with how to break it to my niece that she wasn't going to be an only child anymore. She was two, so the level of understanding was a problem for them, but they didn't want to just spring it on her either.

So they settled for just saying "Mommy and Daddy are going to have a baby!"

My niece seemed okay with the whole thing and got awfully excited about the prospect of a baby. She has a thing for babies - as do many little girls. She had a baby doll that she would not be parted from - Baby Crayon. (That's what happen when you let a 2 year old name their toys, folks.)

Everything was fine, and then my brother noticed that every time they went to the store she would look around and demand to know where her baby was.

"Where my baby!"

My brother and his wife chalked it up to the vagaries of a small child and ignored it. Then, every time my brother or his wife made a solo trip to the store, she'd demand "Where my baby!"

After a while they realized my niece thought that babies came from the store - after all, that's where Baby Crayon came from. :smack:

Then my sister-in-law sat down and explained that the baby was growing in Mommy's belly. My niece contemplated that for a while and seemed to forget it in the joy of new toys.

Until she started, at random moments, running up to her mother, putting her mouth up to her mother's belly and shouting "HI BABY! HURRY UP BABY!". In public.

Her mother was not amused.

[MrsMonkey]

There's a trio of us girls that hang out all the time..

One of my girlfriends' daughters was around 3 or 4 at the time, and she most often would see the other two of us together (me and T). Every Christmas T makes lots and lots and lots of cookies, decorated with icing, and gives them to everyone she knows. Well the daughter made the comment to her mommy "MrsMonkey must get lots of cookies!".

She hadn't yet grasped the concept that we weren't together all the time!! :)

[Mister Rik]

At lunch today at Taco Bell, I heard a little girl ask for "whipped cream" for her soft taco. :D
When I was a little kid, my family was having dinner at another family's house. After dinner we were served dessert: Jell-O with a big dollop of whipped cream on top of it! Yay! I eagerly stuck my spoon into the blob of white, fluffy goodness and shoveled my mouth full of ... mayonnaise.

Some really cute words came out my mouth in response, but I can't remember them because they got spanked out of me as soon as we got home.


I mean, who the hell puts mayonnaise on Jell-O? I learned later that these people called mayonnaise "salad dressing" (inspired by Miracle Whip, no doubt). But Jell-O isn't salad! I don't care how much fruit you put in it. It's dessert, not a freaking salad! I actually liked mayonnaise, so my reaction was a matter of my brain expecting sweet whipped cream and getting mayonnaise instead. I was ... startled. I mean, I had eaten Jell-O with whipped cream many times, so I don't think my expectation was unreasonable.

[Unintentionally Blank]

I'm playing around with a little nerf football with Collin (then 3 years old), I tossed it at him and it naturally bounced off his chest. I said "Right on the Numbers!"

He replied "You hurt my numbers!"

[FenneF]

I was amazingly tactless as a kid. My parents could write several pages about the strange things I said.

My father's favourite was the time he was picking me up from childcare. He had recently had a vasectomy. He was chatting with the owner of the place when the following (approximate) exchange came up:

Owner: So how are you these days?

Father: Oh, not bad..

Me (in a very loud voice): BUT HE'S A LITTLE SORE IN THE BALLS!

:smack:

[MrFantsyPants]

These are from my daughter, most between 2 1/2 and 3 years of age.

J: "Did you hear my bum?"
Me: "No, What did it say?"
J: "It said 'I like myself'"


J: "Mommy, how you spell pasta?"
Mommy: "P-A-S-T-A"
J: "I spy with my little eye something begins with P. What is it"
Mommy: "Um, Pasta?"
J: "yeah"


J: (Stands patiently in sunroom for a couple of minutes, then says, exasperatedly)
"Daddy! DADDY! DADDDDDDDYYYY!"
Me: "What do you want, Boo?"
J: "Daddy, can you take me to the curb please. I am pretending to be garbage."


(On a trip to England, looking out of the plane window)
J: "Look Daddy! It's pretend google earth!"

[Praetor]

When my sister was little, she was a very picky eater. For a while, she would have to find something wrong with what we were having for dinner. So one day my mother decides to make her favorite dinner: chicken. My mother sets the food down in front of my sister, and my sister takes a good look at the food and is desperately trying to think of something she doesn't like about it when she finally says, "I don't like my chicken ... dead."

Often, when we complained about what we were having, my mother would say to us, "Well, if you don't like what we're having, then you can go eat at the neighbors' house." Now, the neighbors on either side were both retired couples, and since we were children, they were old beyond belief and therefore scary. However, one day after my mother tells my sister she can go eat with the neighbors if she wants, my sister says, "Fine! I will." She then proceeds to march out the front door, down the driveway, down the sidewalk, up the neighbors' driveway, and gets halfway to the neighbors' front door when she realizes that she's been had and comes running back home crying.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

(On a trip to England, looking out of the plane window)
J: "Look Daddy! It's pretend google earth!"
How adorable--you're raising a little postmodernist! :D

Daniel

[jali]

If I'm repeating myself I'm sorry - I post in a few places and don't remember if I've told these here before.


My grandson and I were talking about frindship when he was about 3.

I told him he would always be my friend.

His response, "Grandma, you're my boy!"



I had my daughter safely belted in the back seat. I checked the mirrors and proceded to pull out of the parking space. I reached for my ice cold and delicious Pepsi and brought it to my lips.

My daughter Brooke screamed, "No Mommy! Don't drink and drive."

[Seren]

When my friend's aunt was little, she used to get very upset when people would laugh at clowns. Finally one day, she yelled at her brothers "Don't make fun of them! They can't help that they were born like that!"

When I was taking flying lessons, I was explaining to my little sister that airplanes have visors just like cars do, to protect the pilot's eyes when it's sunny. She looked kinda puzzled and asked, "But don't you fly above the sun?"

[NurseCarmen]

Mayo on Jello is just plain wrong.

[Annie-Xmas]

I was watching my 8 year old neighbor on Saturday evening, September 8, 2001. For some reason we got on the subject of the Oklahoma City bombing. I told him that 168 people had been killed, he asked why, and I explained that someone bombed the government building because "He didn't like this country and wanted to hurt it."

The child replied "THAT'S JUST STUPID. If you don't like this country, just go live somewhere else. You don't got to bomb buildings and kill people." I agreed with him.

I was also very surprised three days later with the timing of his statement.

A year later, he asked me "What were the Towers?" I asked him what he meant, and he said "Were they apartment buildings?" I realized we lived in an apartment building that was on the flight route for Teterboro Airport. I told him no, they were office buildings. Nobody lived there.

Image the fear he'd been carrying for a year.

[Khadaji]

It was over two years ago. I used to go to Borders every Sunday morning. One such Sunday a man was hurrying through the store with his small son in tow. The son shouts:

Son "Where you going daddy? Where you going"
Dad: To the bathroom
Son "Do you gotta poop? Do you gotta poop dad?"
no response
Son "Do you gotta poop Dad? You sure do poop alot. You pooped before we left. I bet you gotta poop. You gotta poop dad?"

The father picked up the pace. I'm not sure if it was because he had to poop, or because he needed to get his kid out of the center of the store. Or both.

[Push You Down]

Not at all clever but pretty funny at the time..

I was rassling with my niece (6 year old) a few months ago and my shirt went up revealing my rather large stomach. My nieces eyes got really big and she shouted "Look at your belly! It's huge!".

[lorene]

It was over two years ago. I used to go to Borders every Sunday morning. One such Sunday a man was hurrying through the store with his small son in tow. The son shouts:

Son "Where you going daddy? Where you going"
Dad: To the bathroom
Son "Do you gotta poop? Do you gotta poop dad?"
no response
Son "Do you gotta poop Dad? You sure do poop alot. You pooped before we left. I bet you gotta poop. You gotta poop dad?"

The father picked up the pace. I'm not sure if it was because he had to poop, or because he needed to get his kid out of the center of the store. Or both.

Oh, my God! Some of these are really funny, but this one is killing me.

One day, my 3-year-old daughter and I were in our living room, and we could see our elderly neighbor through the window. She said to me, "That's my neighbor. She's OLD." I was very glad that we were inside when she said that and not outside. I repeated it for my husband later that day, and he stifled a smile and said, "Huh. Wonder where she got that..."

A few weeks ago, we were getting ready for dinner and she asked me if she could have juice with dinner. I said no, that she gets milk with dinner, not juice. She replied, "But Daddy always gives me juice when you're not here!" He vehemently denied it. Perhaps too vehemently.

[LilyoftheValley]

My father makes macaroni sauce from his old family recipe. It takes a whole day. When my just-turned-2 yo got it for the first time, we made a big deal about getting sauce with her macaroni. We took it home for leftovers, and she got to have more the next day (she loves macaroni, which she calls macarooni).

Her dad asked what she was having for dinner.

ValleyGirl yelled excitedly, "Macarooooni!"

I prompted her, "With what?"

She yelled with equal excitement, "Plate!"

:smack:


Then there was the other day when MrValley was reading her a bedtime story. MrValley speaks to her solely in Swedish, and was reading in Swedish. He pointed to a picture of a butterfly and asked her in Swedish what it was.

VG: Butfly!

MV (in an encouraging voice): Kan ValleyGirl sager fjäril? <Can ValleyGirl say "butterfly"?>

VG looks at him very seriously, and in an encouraging little voice says, "Can Pappa say butfly?"

[LilyoftheValley]

Oops, sorry, there was a typo in my Swedish. I think I meant "saga" not "sager". Damn verbs. MrValley said it right, though.

[ivylass]

When Ivygirl was little, we went camping with my folks in their RV. My stepmom and I took Ivygirl to the campground showers with us.

Being a little girl, she wanted to shower with Grandma. So Grandma cleans her up and sends her over to me so she can shower herself.

Ivygirl comes into my stall (it's one of those with a "dressing room" outside the actual shower, so one can undress in private) clutching the towel about her little body very tightly. I chided her, telling her not to be so silly, she didn't have anything Grandma and I didn't have.

Without missing a beat, she declared very indignantly (very loudly, to the amusement of the other women in the shower) "Yes I do! Beauty!"

[ArrMatey!]

My father makes macaroni sauce from his old family recipe. It takes a whole day. When my just-turned-2 yo got it for the first time, we made a big deal about getting sauce with her macaroni. We took it home for leftovers, and she got to have more the next day (she loves macaroni, which she calls macarooni).

Her dad asked what she was having for dinner.

ValleyGirl yelled excitedly, "Macarooooni!"

I prompted her, "With what?"

She yelled with equal excitement, "Plate!"

:smack:



I just want you to know I read this and immediately said, "Yay, plate!" :)

[tsarina]

When my goddaughter Mara was about two and a half, she was standing in the hallway drying off after a bath, looking at the crucifix her mom had nailed to the wall. I don't know how much religious instruction she'd gotten at this point, but all of a sudden she must have put two and two together, because she pointed at the crucifix and screamed, "Mom! What happened to Baby Jesus???!!!"

Last year, when she was five, she spent a few nights at my house and was watching TV with my mom while I took a shower. My mom told me later that when a PSA about drunk driving came on, Mara couldn't figure out why you shouldn't drink and drive. Then finally she declared, "I know why - if you're drinking with a big cup, you won't be able to see the road in front of you!"

[Least Original User Name Ever]

My father makes macaroni sauce from his old family recipe. It takes a whole day. When my just-turned-2 yo got it for the first time, we made a big deal about getting sauce with her macaroni. We took it home for leftovers, and she got to have more the next day (she loves macaroni, which she calls macarooni).

Her dad asked what she was having for dinner.

ValleyGirl yelled excitedly, "Macarooooni!"

I prompted her, "With what?"

She yelled with equal excitement, "Plate!"

:smack:


Then there was the other day when MrValley was reading her a bedtime story. MrValley speaks to her solely in Swedish, and was reading in Swedish. He pointed to a picture of a butterfly and asked her in Swedish what it was.

VG: Butfly!

MV (in an encouraging voice): Kan ValleyGirl sager fjäril? <Can ValleyGirl say "butterfly"?>

VG looks at him very seriously, and in an encouraging little voice says, "Can Pappa say butfly?"

So far, I say these are cutest.

[Susie Derkins]

Just tonight my daughter told me she wished that everyone could walk around naked all the time.

I asked her why, and she said, "Then we could all go the bathroom really fast!"

As I was pondering that, she added, "But we'd need umbrella hats for when it rains."

The mental picture did me in.

[Anaamika]

My boyfriend's cousin was playing with him, jumping on him and stuff. Suddenly she ran over and leapt into his lap, hard. His siter-in-law said "Watch the jewels, now." And the girl said "I see no jewels. Where are the jewels?"

[InternetLegend]

Our three-and-a-half-year-old had been looking forward to having a baby sister, and we'd been preparing her for it for months. I was certain that we'd covered all the bases pretty well. The first time she got to hold the baby, she looked up at her grandma, eyes filled with wonder, and asked, "Who's gonna be her mommy and daddy?"

[What's That Smell?]

I took my 8-year-old nephew to his first ever live football game, and he was just about jumping out of his skin with excitement.

At half time, as agreed, we made for the merchandise stand to buy him his very own footy jumper in the home team colours.

We were second in line, behind a rather well-endowed young lady (20-ish) and her mother. The young lady was trying on a jumper but was unsure as to whether it would fit her OK, and we watched her struggle to try it on for size (which only made her, um, well-endowed-ness even more obvious).

Still not sure, she turned in the direction of her mother and us, and asked us all in general, "Does this look too tight on me?".

Without a second's hesitation, my nephew shouted in a very loud voice, "HELL NO!!".

Hilarity ensued. Well, I guess he just said what I was thinking. 8 years old, going on 18...

[Manatee]

My wife asked my two year-old "What's your favorite kind of food?"
"Cookies."
"What kind of cookies do you like best?"
"A lot of cookies."

On another occasion he said "Chicken's not meat, it's called 'chicken.'"

Recent favorites from the four year-old:

"Mommy, is there a Timbukone since there's a Timbuktoo?"

I was putting together lunch one day and commented that we'd have to go to the market soon, as the pantry was getting low. His response? "Oh, dear. I guess we'll have to sell our cow, Buttercup" (a la "Jack and the Beanstalk").

[cabdude]

This happened to a mate of mine. He was taking his son to his first footy match. He was excited about it before he got there, but after 60 odd minutes was getting fidgetty and restless, asking if the match is over yet. Finally my mate turns to him and says,

"Mate, it's not over until the fat lady sings."

This stops him in his tracks and he puzzles silently over the meaning of the phrase until after the match, when they are walking out of the stadium. In front of them is a rather overweight lady.

"DAAAAD," he cries, "Is that the..."

My mate can tell what's coming next. "Err...come on, it's this way."

"But Dad, I want to hear her sin..."

"Come on now, keep up," and trying hard to to piss himself laughing.

[ivylass]

This happened recently with my 16 year old son. It was early in the morning, stumbling around the kitchen as I do when I'm getting ready for work. Ivylad had had a good night's sleep (he has back issues) and was in a fairly upbeat mood.

My son looks up from his cereal and eyes us suspiciously. He then asks, "Dad, did you have sex last night?"

I whip my head around, shocked, and Ivylad, laughing, asks why he would ask. He replies, "Well, Mom's tired and you're in a good mood."

(FTR, no we hadn't.)

[PapSett]

I don't remember this one personally, but it was my parent's favorite story until the day they died.

I was 3 when JFK was killed. Mom & Dad said that I was getting ready t watch a favorite TV show, and pulled up my little rocking chair in front of the TV, sat down and started rocking, waiting. What came on intead of Captain Kangaroo (Or whatever it was) was a special report on Kennedy's funeral. They said I crossed my arms over my chest, stopped rocking, and said, "Well son of a bitch."

Mom & Dad said they both doubled over, laughing too hard to correct my cursing. Almost makes me wish I'd had kids.



Almost.

[jjimm]

Apologies for repetition, as I know I've posted this before.

When he was five, my little brother won two fish at the local fair. As could be expected from carny fish, "Fishy" and "Foshy" (he was allowed to name them) weren't in the best of health, and only survived a few months before simultaneously expiring of some nasty fungal infection.

My brother, learning about death for the first time, was surprisingly curious, rather than devastated. Rather than bury them, my father decided to flush them down the toilet, so my brother accompanied him to the flushing with a little bit of ceremony. A few hours afterwards, he asked "do they take them out?"

"Do who take what out?" aked my dad.

"The men who take out wees and poos, do they take fish out too?"

[Praetor]

When I was taking flying lessons, I was explaining to my little sister that airplanes have visors just like cars do, to protect the pilot's eyes when it's sunny. She looked kinda puzzled and asked, "But don't you fly above the sun?"
You left out the part about your sister being 21.


No joke, her sister was 21 when she said that.

[Seren]

Details, details. :)

[SurrenderDorothy]

A couple days ago, another one from my coworker's daughter...


Usually she doesn't address me. I assumed she either didn't know my name or couldn't pronounce it. (it's easy enough to pronounce once you've got it, but most adults get it wrong initially and most kids can't say it.) which I really just ddin't think much about.


So the other day, I noticed that her mom would refer to me when talking to her by a sort of babyfied nickname (the first sound of my name, repeated. So if my name were actually Dorothy, it would be Do-Do) which I thought was sort of cute and assumed the baby made it up.

We weren't busy and we had no customers in the building, so the baby and I were playing... I picked her up and sat her on my shoulders, and we got a call so I had to stop playing and work. I put the little girl down and she protested. Her mom said, "Do-do has to work now. She can't play with you." and the little one, in a snit, shouted, "her name is DOROTHY!"

[Mister Rik]

and the little one, in a snit, shouted, "her name is DOROTHY!"
That reminds me of an adorable little girl at my church. She and her family had been away for quite some time (in Seattle where her older brother was undergoing treatment for leukemia). After church, she was sitting in a chair while her mother was busy chatting. One of the older ladies approached her and asked, "How are you doing today, Christina?"

The little girl looked up at the lady and replied, in no uncertain terms, "My name's not Christina. It's Christine!"

[JimSox5]

Avarie, speaking of kids and all, have you had yours yet? Do we get to hear your own personal stories here soon? Maybe even in this thread?

I suppose I really ought to know whether or not the kid was born, because I found out later that she was unknowingly pregnant at our IndyDope (or was it HoosierDope?), but I don't remember how long ago that was now. Also, I love it when the subtext is longer than the actual post.

[Rock n Roach]

First off, I am a female. I was driving somewhere with my ex's son, T. He was around 5 years old at the time. Conversation went like this:

T: Who's older, you or Daddy?
Me: Who do you think is older?
T: Daddy, because his mustache is bigger than yours.

ftr my upper lip hairs are blond and small (or so I've always thought). Must have been the lighting that day...

[Avarie537]

Avarie, speaking of kids and all, have you had yours yet? Do we get to hear your own personal stories here soon? Maybe even in this thread?

I suppose I really ought to know whether or not the kid was born, because I found out later that she was unknowingly pregnant at our IndyDope (or was it HoosierDope?), but I don't remember how long ago that was now. Also, I love it when the subtext is longer than the actual post.

No, I haven't. :( Baby was due yesterday. And yes, I was pregnant at our IndyDope - I took the test three days later. But I do have another cute story!

My nephew's 3rd birthday is on Saturday. His mom (who is very anxiously awaiting the birth of her first niece or nephew) asked him if he wanted a baby cousin for his birthday.

"No. I want a race car!"

[ivylass]

Sorry to bump this, but my kids were in rare form last night.

I was starving, and while waiting for the hamburgers to cook, I mention I could sit down and eat an entire jar of peanut butter.

My son tsks-tsks and says, "Better not, mom. It will go straight to your hips."

:eek:

Then, before I went to bed, I cuddled up with Ivylad on the couch. My daughter comes by and says, "Ewww...you two look like you're copulating!" Now, there was nothing suggestive about our posture, I certainly didn't have my legs wrapped around his waist or anything, but they're at that age where they realize Mom and Dad may do a bit more in bed besides sleep.

Then, she came by a few seconds later and said, "Is it copulating or capitulating?"

Kids...gotta love 'em.

[Dung Beetle]

Then, she came by a few seconds later and said, "Is it copulating or capitulating?"


"Well, honey, sometimes it's a little of both." :D

[Sunrazor]

Our oldest son, Jason, was eight, his brother, Aaron, three. One day my wife, who worked for a government agency, had a holiday that the rest of us didn't have. I came home from work to find Jason confined to his room and my wife waiting for me with instructions to "talk to your son."

Seems she'd promised Aaron they would go to the mall to spend his birthday money as soon as her morning housework was done. Being only three, he pestered her every 30 seconds, until she finally told him, "Just go watch TV for a few more minutes, then I'll be done."

"There's nothing on," he replied.

"Watch Blinky," she suggested (Blinky's Fun Club was a popular kid's show on a Denver TV station at the time.

"Blinky sucks!" the child stated.

My wife was stunned to hear what she considered such salty language coming from her darling babe. "Where did you hear that?" she demanded.

"That's what Jason says."

Fast forward to that afternoon. Jason walked through the door and was accosted by his mother. "Do you know what your little brother said this morning?"

Of course, the lad had no idea what was coming. "Uh ....."

"He said you told him Blinky sucks!"

The boy looked at her with complete bewilderment and replied, "Mom, have you ever watched that show?"

Fortunately, he did not pursue a career as a media critic.

[JohnT]

When my niece was little she LOVED hot chocolate. When she wanted regular chocolate milk she would call it (you guessed it!) COLD chocolate.

When she would eat something spicy she would call it "sparkly".

Awwww!!

Just like in the car... there's the heat, and then there's the cold heat. :cool:

[ivylass]

"Well, honey, sometimes it's a little of both." :D

I whispered as much to Ivylad..."I guess it could be, depending on the situation..."

;)

[lorene]

Here's another from my girl. I was reading her a story the other night and she looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, when Daddy was a baby, did you read him this story, too?" So, Daddy was little and then grew up, but Mommy has always been Mommy, I guess.

[Mili Bee]

My friend's 4 year old daughter, Erin, had been acting up. He had to go outside and bring her into the house. He then bannished her to her room. His 7 year old son Wyatt, who was still outside suddenly runs into the house. He states loudly to all the adults, "Dad Erin is sticking her butt on the window & licking it!"

Without thinking I said, "Man's she's flexible." We all got so tickled. It took us a bit to realize she was sticking her butt on the window then licking the window.... But the other image was just too funny...

[Rebecca DiMwitter]

These are all too adorable. A certainty: no story will be exactly like another! That's the allure of this kind of thread.

I've been babysitting for my best girlfriend and her hubby once or twice a month lately, so they may have a quiet night together away from monsterdaughters #1 & #2. It's quite interesting how much I have discovered, NOT about the cute girls, but about my friend and her husband, much more than Mom likely would really want me to know.

The three of us are "camping out" in the living room and are bedding down on the hideaway queen bed. I'm in the middle. Monsterdaughter #1 (age 7) is sleeping soundly, sweet-smelling head slumped on one of my shoulders. Monsterdaughter #2 (age 3) is on my other side, wiggly & completely alert and awake, tho it is well past 11 PM and I myself long to join the legions of the profoundly asleep. MD#2 has been muttering to herself for about an hour, allowing me to doze lightly, but gets bored and taps me on the shoulder: "Beck"? Pokes me: "Beck??" Gives me a swift kick: "BECK!!" Trying not to bolt upright and scare the bejeebs out of MD#1, I whisper, "What? Darling, what is it?"

"My Mom picks my nose for me."

Naturally I'll be repeating THAT story all over town in the next week or so.

--Beck

[sneezy5660]

Since somebody else bumped this thread, I chime in.

We were on a short trip recently, and stopped at a convenience store to get drinks and snacks. My youngest daughter is learning to read and wants me to read every word she sees.

So, while we were waiting for my hubby to come out, she says, "Mommy, what's that f-word?" I'm thinking, "Oh no, someone painted the f-word on the wall! How am I gonna explain this to her?"

Then I look where she's pointing and say, "Baby, that says Fina."

Never assume. :)

Sneezy