I Pit real-life Borg

[Lumpy]

That is, people too absorbed in their head-set cell phone conversations to pay attention to their actual surroundings.

I'm currently working in fast food. There literally isn't a minute that I couldn't be getting some important task done. And I must be polite and cheerful no matter what. So imagine my frustration when someone gets up to the counter (often with a dozen people waiting behind them) where they presumably wanted to be to order some food, and it's like trying to talk to a hyperactive ADD child:

Me: "Hello, Welcome to LeeAnn Chin! What would you like today?"

Borg Drone: "Hello? Shawna? You there? Listen, are you going to pick me up after work?"

Me: "Would you like to order now?"

Borg Drone: "Huh? Oh, hang on Shawna. Uh, yeh, I'd like, uh, the combo."

Me: "You can get any entree and appitizer with your choice of rice. Which would you like?"

Borg Drone: <five seconds silence. No indication the Collective has noticed the Away team. Then> "Uh huh. Well can you meet me downtown?" <Borg drone actually looks at me now> "Uh, I want the, uh, Peking Chicken, and uh, rice." <resumes staring into space.> "Hey, I'm supposed to be over at Trish's house by six o clock."

Me: "Which kind of rice would you like?" <The drone glanced for one-tenth of a second at the fried rice, so it probably wants that, but I have to make sure>

Borg Drone: "-" <sub-articulate sound that might be an affirmative while waving hand in general direction of fried rice. Apparently it's still receiving directions over the neurolink.>

Me: <indicating the fried rice by grasping the handle of the serving spoon in the fried rice tray> "The fried rice?"

Borg Drone: <nods head while still lookin the other way> "Yeh, I told Trish I was gonna babysit. I gotta be there by six."

Me: <I hope the nod of the head was actually in response to me. I serve a standard portion of fried rice and Peking chicken. Then> "The Combo comes with an appitizer. What would you like?" <when no response comes I add> "You can get cream cheese puffs, oyster wings, potstickers or an egg roll".

Borg Drone: "Uh, yeh, Uh-huh. OK, so you gonna meet me at quarter to? Cheese puffs. I said, you gonna meet me at quarter to?" (Apparently it's getting a little better at time slicing with practice.)

Me: <I add the Cream Cheese Puffs to it's plate> "Is this to dine in or to go?" <I reach for a plate cover anyway to utilize the time I'm waiting for a response>.

Borg Drone: <eyes momentarily come into focus on me with puzzled expression. Apparently some remnant of it's pre-assimilation identity has briefly re-emerged.> "Huh?"

Me: "Is this to eat here or to take out?"

Borg Drone: "To go. Hey, I'll be in the bus shelter, OK? Yeh, the bus shelter."

Me: <I finish putting the cover on the order to go. I hand it to the drone. It's hand closes on it reflexively when it feels the plate touching it's fingers.> "Chris down on the far register will ring up your order for you. Thank you." <Then, as I'm taking a breath to greet the next customer in line>

Borg Clone: "OK Shawna, see ya. See ya Shawna. Uh huh. Ok, g'bye Shawna. Hey, can I get some oyster wings?"

I dread the day they invent heads-up video overlay glasses.

[John Mace]

Wave the next customer on ahead of the Borg drone, and tell it you'll take its order when it has severed its connection with the collective. Beware, though. Resistance is futile.

[Hamlet]

Huh?

I hear ya', but I disagree.

No, you're wrong.

NO!!! Now you're talking crazy.

Listen you nitpicking piece of shit, nobody cares what the fuck you say, you whiny, ignorant jag off.





Sorry. What were you saying, again? I was on the phone.

[El_Kabong]

Bluetooth headsets. Dork City. Dorky McDorkster from Dorksland, New Dorkshire.

Sorry, that's all I got.

[Ensign Edison]

Funny. But resistance is...well, you know.

[Mayo Speaks!]

I don't know if this technology is possible, but I think we should be working on jamming devices that make bluetooth headsets say, "Please take this dumb thing out of your ear when you're talking to real people" once they get within ten feet of a cash register. How 'bout it, everyone?

[DianaG]

I miss the days when people walking down the street gesturing wildly and talking to no one could be summarily dismissed as insane.

[TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW]

Man, we've done this. One of my finer pittings, if I do say so mahself. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=342450&highlight=douche)

[Triskadecamus]

I miss the days when people walking down the street gesturing wildly and talking to no one could be summarily dismissed as insane.Well, that still works fine for me.

Tris

[Nava]

I miss the days when people walking down the street gesturing wildly and talking to no one could be summarily dismissed as insane.

And people walking around with a frown and a hand grabbing one side of their jaws could be assumed to have a toothache.

[tdn]

That was a fine rant, but I have to call bullshit on one thing.

Oysters don't fly.

[Mindfield]

Ah, the wonderful days of customer service. I spent a great deal of my life there. I'm still there in a way, even if the clientelle is a little higher on the food chain.

However, there's a great outlet for the frustrations of the retail life over at Customers Suck! (http://www.customerssuck.com). Kinda makes even my job a little easier when I get to piss and moan about some of the morons I run afoul of every so often. :D

[Daithi Lacha]

I'm seeing more and more delis, post offices &c. that have large, clearly-written signs that say "IF YOU'RE ON A CELLPHONE, WE WILL SERVE THE NEXT PERSON BEHIND YOU." Still doesn't stop the oblivious fuckknuckles from walking up to the counter, gabba-gabba-gabba.*


*hey!

[Robot Arm]

I dread the day they invent heads-up video overlay glasses.I was at a computer users-group meeting a few years ago where they had some of these. They were really cool.

[Ethilrist]

See, this is why I couldn't do this kind of work. It would eventually devolve down to:

Me: "Hello, Welcome to LeeAnn Chin! What would you like today?"

Borg Drone: "Hello? Shawna? You there? Listen, are you going to pick me up after work?"

Me: NEXT!!!

I work at the capital of Dorktopia, also known as Best Buy corporate HQ. "My god... It's full of nerds..."

[Mindfield]

I work at the capital of Dorktopia, also known as Best Buy corporate HQ. "My god... It's full of nerds..."

So you're one of the people responsible for turning (formerly) my Future Shop into the ninth plane of hell.

I demand to speak to the executive vice geek in charge of dorkery.

[saoirse]

I think they ought to give these headsets to homeless people, so they're not discriminated against.

"Whoa, that guy's scary. He's walking around yelling and waving his arms."

"He's on the phone."

Maybe to Björk, or Jesus, or Eleanor Roosevelt, but that's none of my business.

[BiblioCat]

What the heck are oyster wings?

[Missy2U]

What the heck are oyster wings?

Chicken Wings in Oyster Sauce?

I dunno. I'm guessing.

[silenus]

Chicken Wings in Oyster Sauce?

I dunno. I'm guessing.

Chicken Wings in Oyster Sauce (http://astray.com/recipes/?show=Chicken%20wings%20in%20oyster%20sauce)

[Steve Wright]

I dread the day they invent heads-up video overlay glasses.Why? Once these people's last link to the real world is severed, they'll all be dead of starvation inside a few weeks. Okay, the rest of us will have to pick our way carefully around the withered cellphone-clutching corpses for a while, but let's face it, apart from that, there's no downside.

[THespos]

Everybody knows that to be properly distracted, you need not a Bluetooth headset but an iPod.

[Missy2U]

Why? Once these people's last link to the real world is severed, they'll all be dead of starvation inside a few weeks. Okay, the rest of us will have to pick our way carefully around the withered cellphone-clutching corpses for a while, but let's face it, apart from that, there's no downside.


*snort*

Cracked me RIGHT up.

[BiblioCat]

Okay, thanks for the explanation on the oyster wings, Never heard of 'em before.

I'm seeing more and more delis, post offices &c. that have large, clearly-written signs that say "IF YOU'RE ON A CELLPHONE, WE WILL SERVE THE NEXT PERSON BEHIND YOU." Still doesn't stop the oblivious fuckknuckles from walking up to the counter, gabba-gabba-gabba.*[/SIZE]
Me, too. And I agree with them completely. It's insanely rude to try to carry on two conversations at once.

My only complaint is that the Baskin-Robbins near me has the following sign:
If you are talking on a "cell phone" please step aside so we can serve the "next customer."
We will be "happy" to serve you when you are finished with your "cell phone" conversation.

All the extraneous "quote marks" make me "crazy."
:smack:

[Ethilrist]

Why? Once these people's last link to the real world is severed, they'll all be dead of starvation inside a few weeks. Okay, the rest of us will have to pick our way carefully around the withered cellphone-clutching corpses for a while, but let's face it, apart from that, there's no downside.
No, they won't live long enough to starve to death. They'll walk out into traffic and get run down by somebody talking on his cell phone. Lawsuits will ensue and then maybe we will finally get people used to the idea that there is a time and a place for everything and walking or driving around is not the time to be talking on the phone or surfing the net.

[bubastis]

Y'know, I know we are'nt supposed to wish death on anyone here, but still and all, I'd love to see like a video compilation of people harming themselves while talking on cellphones, such as walking into open manholes, into traffic, off the edge of cliffs, things like that. Set to, I dunno, the Benny Hill theme. People prattling into phones is a pet peeve of mine, especially mundane shit. Cellphone calls should be about close relatives near to death, or other such emergencies.

[tdn]

Y'know, I know we are'nt supposed to wish death on anyone here,
Were not supposed to wish death on other Dopers. Knock yourself out.

[Lord Ashtar]

When I bounced at the pool hall, I found it absolutely hilarious how many guys came in with these things attached to their heads, as if some young hottie would see it and think, "Ooh, he's a high roller! I must fuck him!"

To the best of my knowledge, it didn't work.

[Revtim]

I'm seeing more and more delis, post offices &c. that have large, clearly-written signs that say "IF YOU'RE ON A CELLPHONE, WE WILL SERVE THE NEXT PERSON BEHIND YOU." Still doesn't stop the oblivious fuckknuckles from walking up to the counter, gabba-gabba-gabba.*Let me guess, your fancy-ass valet Publix? Heh.

I have to admit I often talk to my Mom with the earbud while grocery shopping, it's kinda become our regular talk time. But before I'm about to talk to the cashier or anybody else I inform my Mom that I'll be giving my full attention to somebody else for a bit, stop speaking to her until after the transaction/conversaton, then only continue when I'm done paying (or whatever). That seems to work OK, and I haven't noticed any dirty looks or anything.

[Spiff]

I think we should be working on jamming devices that make bluetooth headsets say, "Please take this dumb thing out of your ear when you're talking to real people" once they get within ten feet of a cash register. How 'bout it, everyone?Add a series of painful electric shocks to the ear lobe for non-compliance, and I think we've got a winner!

[Steve Wright]

No, they won't live long enough to starve to death. They'll walk out into traffic and get run down by somebody talking on his cell phone. Lawsuits will ensue and then maybe we will finally get people used to the idea that there is a time and a place for everything and walking or driving around is not the time to be talking on the phone or surfing the net.Oh, Lord, I can see the lawsuits now ...

Usher: Court is now in session in the matter of People of East Dakota vs. The Borg Collective, the Honorable E. Ronald Mallu presiding, all rise.

Borg Drone: ... so I was talking to Shawna and she was, like, no way, and I was, like, yeah, it is so, dude, and ...

Usher: Be upstanding in court!

Borg Drone: ... She said what? But I talked to Shawna earlier, and she was, like, yeah, well ...

Judge: All right, I've had enough of this. Sir, you are showing disrespect for this court and for these proceedings, and I am holding you in contempt. Bailiff, remove him!

Bailiff: ... I thought, maybe, if I go on to the store after this, and you go pick up Sandy from school, we can all meet up at the theater about six, yeah? ...


It could go on for years.

[Zsofia]

I think they ought to give these headsets to homeless people, so they're not discriminated against.

"Whoa, that guy's scary. He's walking around yelling and waving his arms."

"He's on the phone."

Maybe to Björk, or Jesus, or Eleanor Roosevelt, but that's none of my business.
I work at a public library. It has definately made it harder to tell our good old fashioned crazy people from the just plain rude ones.

[galt]

All the extraneous "quote marks" make me "crazy."
Then a tour through the Gallery of "Misused" Quotation Marks (http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/) oughta drive you completely over the edge. :D