You know you're getting old when...

[Batsinma Belfry]

You can sell something you bought when you were 20, and call it "vintage".



Share your sure signs of oldness.

[Lumpy]

When you don't have to eat Rice Crispies to hear snap-crackle-pop in the morning.

[Eligible for parole in 2011]

When you have to pause and consider where to put your arms and legs before getting up from a chair or bed.

When you are afraid to yawn because it sometimes puts a crimp in your neck or shooting pains in your jaw.

[Mouse_Maven]

When you remember when your school got one computer and it was a very big deal.

You can remember when cordless phones were first sold in stores and there were no cell phones.

You owned a black and white TV with the two dial knobs.

You know how to do long-division on paper because no one in your elementry school could afford a calculator.

You still have records and cassett tapes.

When you were a kid there were four kinds of drinks: Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up and root beer.

[Julius Henry]

When you remember that you used to get gas for your car at a service station.

[FairyChatMom]

When you look in the mirror and see your grandmother staring back at you...


<sigh>

[Just1Lurk]

Billy Crystal has this bit about the time his son made him feel 90 years old by coming up to him and asking, "Dad, is it true Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

I told this story to my 12-year-old niece. She said to me, "Paul McCartney was in a band called Wings?"

Talk about feeling old...

[fishbicycle]

When Nirvana is oldies but goodies and anything before that was disco.

[silenus]

When your teenaged students don't do anything for you, but you think some of their mothers are hot!

[Freudian_Slip]

When you're trying to use a celebrity as an example for a class, and none of them know who Whitney Houston or Courtney Love is.

And I thought I was being hip or dope or with-it. :smack:

OH, and for the techies in the audience. Try talking about BBSs. And 1200 baud modems. Guaranteed blank stares.

[Antinor01]

When you talk to 20 somethings who have no idea what your pop culture references mean. This is really sad when you're only 30. ::sigh::

When you start saying the things your mother said to you as a kid that you swore you would never, ever say.

Mine aren't gonna be really good, since I'm 30. These things still make me feel old though.

[glee]

Pah!
Youngsters...what do they know :confused:

When you remember when your school got one computer and it was a very big deal.
You can remember when cordless phones were first sold in stores and there were no cell phones.


I remember when computers cost £500,000.
And how to type holes in punch cards.

I remember when telephone exchanges upgraded from Strowger.

Billy Crystal has this bit about the time his son made him feel 90 years old by coming up to him and asking, "Dad, is it true Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"


I remember the Beatles meeting Helen Shapiro on 'Top of the Pops', then singing 'I saw her standing there'. And they wore suits.

When you're trying to use a celebrity as an example for a class, and none of them know who Whitney Houston or Courtney Love is.
OH, and for the techies in the audience. Try talking about BBSs. And 1200 baud modems. Guaranteed blank stares.


Who are these people? Musicians?
I remember buying 'My Old Man's a Dustman' by Lonnie Donegan.
And Chubby Checker topping the charts with 'Let's twist again'.

Modems? The first Apple Mac to arrive in Britain caused a stir in my programming department...

Those were the days. :cool:

[swampbear]

When you go home for the weekend and go to church with your mother and see an old high school classmate and she introduces you to her grandchildren! :eek: *






























*This actually happened to me this past weekend.

[Omegaman]

When you seriously consider buying a pickup that has a top speed of 160 :cool:

[Amaranta]

Billy Crystal has this bit about the time his son made him feel 90 years old by coming up to him and asking, "Dad, is it true Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

I told this story to my 12-year-old niece. She said to me, "Paul McCartney was in a band called Wings?"

Talk about feeling old...

I really don't get this oft-repeated anecdote. Your niece not knowing this makes sense, it's not like there's a constant stream of TV shows and radio hours devoted to the history and impact of Wings. But the version with "My high school students didn't even know Paul was in a band before Wings!" is crap. Seems everyone has a version of it. Who the hell hears of Wings before the Beatles? How is that even possible? How can someone hear the name "Paul McCartney" and not think of like, Abbey Road covers and stuff? And I guess someone who was growing up when Wings was popular maybe, maybe, maybe has an excuse, but it makes NO sense to me that a high school kid could think this. Someone young knowing who the Beatles were, or not knowing of either band, those two scenarios make sense. But knowing who Paul McCartney is, and that he was in a not-as-popular band with one main hit ten years before they were born, and NOT knowing he was in of the greatest bands in history, with many hit songs, that figure so prominently in pop culture, twenty years before they were born? So weird to me.

Sorry for the rant, like I said, I hear this story all the time and find it really, really strange. I was born in the mid eighties. My mamma raised me on classic rock. I was grooving to Revolver at the age of eight or so. And I didn't even find out that Paul McCartney had been in another band called Wings until I was 15. Doesn't this make far more sense?

[hlanelee]

When more than three people you went to high school with want to show you pictures of their grandchildren.

[Jplacer]

you stop to eat at a sit-down restaurant on a long road trip.

[Bumbazine]

You get a card from your granddaughter and it's her wedding announcement.

Yup. Got it right here!

[swampbear]

You get a card from your granddaughter and it's her wedding announcement.

Yup. Got it right here!
May I have the envelope please. This year's winner of the "I'm An Old Fart" contest goes to... :D

[Cherry2000]

You notice a good-looking guy and instead of thinking, "Damn, he's hot" you think, "Damn...he's young ".

Oh well...I could always ask him if he's seen "The Graduate" ;)

[Eve]

When one of your coworkers tells another, "I can't believe you were already in high school when I was born!" and you realize you had long graduated college when she was born . . .

[Angua]

When 16 year olds start calling you "aunty".




This happened to me the other day. I'm only 25 damnit! I'm too young for you to be calling me aunty. I have friends your age!

[Dijon Warlock]

When you remember when your school got one computer and it was a very big deal.I remember this! It was an Apple ][, and it was circa 1980. I was the first student to express an interest in learning how to use it. I started learning BASIC on that thing. 32k of memory, I think, and hooked up to a television. You can remember when cordless phones were first sold in stores and there were no cell phones.Shoot, I can remember before phones were cordless. I can remember before people BOUGHT telephones, when we leased rotary dials from the phone company (those things were built like workhorses). I also remember the first time I saw a touch tone phone: it was on a show called American Bandstand, and it was used as a sort of synthesiser by a band (don't remember the name) who did a song (again, don't remember, but something along the line of "Don't Call Us, We'll Call You") containing a riff from a Beatles' song ("I Feel Fine", I think). You owned a black and white TV with the two dial knobs.Do you mean the VHF and UHF tuning dials? i didn't own one, but I remember my parents owning a few. I can do you better than that, however: my uncle still has a working television that has Channel 1.You know how to do long-division on paper because no one in your elementry school could afford a calculator.I don't know about "afford," but back in my elementary days, calculators weren't available to us. So, yes, I guess: we learned long division on paper.You still have records and cassett tapes.Yep and yep.When you were a kid there were four kinds of drinks: Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up and root beer.Now that's older than me, if it's true at all.

It seems that if I go for all the contributions that I will be posting forever.

Thus, my personal one:

You know you're getting old when: people half your age are legal to date.

Well, it's true. I'm not espousing the practice, but it's certainly not a sign of youth!

[pinkfreud]

I was recently reminded of my antiquity when someone on another board was describing a movie that was "really, really old," and I realized that the movie was released the same year that I joined AARP.

[Nic2004]

::sigh:: I just turned FIFTY on Monday, the 15th and I have to come across this post. ::heavy sigh::

[Mister Rik]

Thus, my personal one:

You know you're getting old when: people half your age are legal to date.

Well, it's true. I'm not espousing the practice, but it's certainly not a sign of youth!

My latest rule is "I have to be younger than her dad." Cuz I'm 40 today and there are these smokin' hot 20-year-olds who work at a nearby store, and ...

[Canadjun]

OH, and for the techies in the audience. Try talking about BBSs. And 1200 baud modems. Guaranteed blank stares.
1200 baud? Excuse me?! I thought we were talking about old stuff, like 300 baud modems with an acoustic coupler that you stuffed the phone into. Betcha one of those would surprise the young'uns out there.

[Rysdad]

You still have records and cassett tapes.

I still have an 8-track I recorded while in the Army.

One of my biggest differences between being young and old is that, when I was young, I knew the exact cause of every ache or pain I might've had. Now they just seem to pop up at random for no good reason.

[Linty Fresh]

When college undergraduates start looking like they're in junior high and grad students look like they're high school sophmores
When your kid sister has her M.D.
When you pass the movie theater billboard and don't recognize half the movies being advertised.
When you stop identifying with the young rebellious heroes in TV shows and start identifying with their stern, killjoy teachers/bosses/arresting officers.
When you see a hot looking older woman at work and start having impure thougts along the Anne Bancroft/Dustin Hoffman line . . . before finding out that she's two years younger than you.
Along those lines, when two or more professors are younger than you--and have three children each.
When you start trying to count how long it's been since you saw a high school friend before realizing that high school was over eighteen years ago!!

[KP]

A child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
Soon he was a remote, cause his folks would say
Turn to Channel 2, it's Epraim Zimbalist day
he was a whiz at 'tenna 'justment, because he knew
How to stand for an hour or two
So the pidture stayed straight and true

Chorus
And his dad wore a slide rule, and his mom wore a dress,
(and they both of them wore girdles - hoo-boy what a mess!)
Is GI Joe a doll, dad?
"Wash your mouth with soap! You know you'll never cope!
You'll probably charter on The Dope."

The boy turned ten, just the other day,
The Sixties didn't work out the way they all say.
The Sixties were the Seventies, When did they decide?
It was a cliche well before '75
But we reached the Moon, and we smiled, and I gotta say
I'd go to Nam to relive that day, yeah
Vietnam was worth that day.

CHORUS

Well he came from college just the other day
He was living with a girl, you know that's okay
We were proud but scared, We'd never talked about sex.
We were half-afraid that there'd be something next.
"Hey don't worry much, Dad, it's same as it's ever been
Too bad you ndidn't try it out much then, dad.
I might've asked for advice then."

CHORUS

Dad's long since retired, and he dates a coed.
(Don't look so flabbergasted, the man is old, not dead)
He said "About this Viagra, suppose I took it twice?"
(He should have paid for med school if he wanted advice)
You know, I got my office hours, you can book with the nurse
Is the problem getting worse?
Or are you getting perverse?"

And as I hung up on my cell phone, it occured to me
It had a vidsceen like Dick Tracy
Where're the flying cars they promised me?

CHORUS

[kaiwik]

My OMG I am OLD revelation came just last month when we replaced all of our old and worn large appliances with spanking brand new machines. How did so much time go by that a new washer/drier, range and refridgerator can make me dance with glee???

[Mister Rik]

When college undergraduates start looking like they're in junior high and grad students look like they're high school sophmores
HA! I quit drinking when I was 28, and so I didn't get our to bars for quite a few years after that. Then a couple years ago I got a job cooking in a bar, and I noticed the 21-22-year-olds. I finally understood why everybody in the bars kept calling me a "puppy" when I was 21.

[Tuckerfan]

When you look at the hotties in a pr0n mag and realize that if they're not lying about their age, you're old enough to be their father! Who's your daddy?

[Baker]

When you go home for the weekend and go to church with your mother and see an old high school classmate and she introduces you to her grandchildren! :eek: *

And I am now older than my grandmother was when I was born! :eek:

[Beware of Doug]

When people younger than you are Senators, CEOs, and hypertensives.

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

::sigh:: I just turned FIFTY on Monday, the 15th and I have to come across this post. ::heavy sigh::
Damn, man, you are old.








I don't turn 50 for two more weeks!

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

Someone young knowing who the Beatles were, or not knowing of either band, those two scenarios make sense. But knowing who Paul McCartney is, and that he was in a not-as-popular band with one main hit ten years before they were born, and NOT knowing he was in of the greatest bands in history, with many hit songs, that figure so prominently in pop culture, twenty years before they were born?
Wings had only one main hit?

Incidentally, I saw a schoolgirl waiting at a bus stop a few days ago wearing a Beatles t-shirt. I wondered whether she really liked the Beatles or if it was some kind of ironic gesture. Then the next day at the same stop I noticed a boy in an AC/DC shirt.

[Nightsong]

When you remember when there was just MTV (no VH1, etc.) and when MTV played only music videos. Sigh. :(

(I highly reccomend the song '1985' by Bowling for Soup if you want to hear some other things that'll make you feel old!)

___
<< SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . >>

[Kilvert's Pagan]

I also remember the first time I saw a touch tone phone: it was on a show called American Bandstand, and it was used as a sort of synthesiser by a band (don't remember the name) who did a song (again, don't remember, but something along the line of "Don't Call Us, We'll Call You") containing a riff from a Beatles' song ("I Feel Fine", I think).Correct on both counts... I think the band was Sugarloaf, which also did Green-Eyed Lady.

I got asked how many grandchildren I have on my recent high school reunion invitation. (My children are 9 and 4!)

I remember at least one popular Paul Simon song written prior to Simon and Garfunkle's heyday.

I use words like heyday. :rolleyes:

[don't ask]

A few days ago I was talking to Mark about AC/DC and reffered to Brian Johnston as the "new" singer with the band. Mark pointed out that since his birth Johnson had "always" been the singer for AC/DC. And indeed Johnson took over from Bon Scott 26 years ago. Oh Dear.

[kunilou]

When I hired my assistant and found out I was the same age as her mother.

By the way, that was 15 years ago.

[Khampelf]

And as I hung up on my cell phone, it occured to me
It had a vidsceen like Dick Tracy
Where're the flying cars they promised me?

CHORUS

KP, that was awesome, you rock. "Cat's in the Cradle", right?

[Eve]

. . . you meet the Perfect Man--a bad-movie Mr. Right--divorced, straight, cute, lots of interests in common--and you have absolutely no interest in following up.

In the Battle of the Sexes, I am officially Switzerland.

Except I don’t steal money from dead Jews.













. . . usually . . .

[Sunspace]

...you realise that the Minister of Health is younger than you are.

And then you go to the government website and check who it is, and it's a different person, and he's still younger than you are.

[beebee]

when the cop who pulls you over looks like he should get back to school. (do your parents know where you are?)

when you go to a concert, and there's no smoking. of anything. (last time i saw arlo, it smelled different.)

when you mention woodstock and some one asks "which one?. ( good God, there was only ONE woodstock that counts!!!)

when your neighbor's kid asks how to use your phone. (i have a 1947 bell telephone that was my grandma's. it still works, so i use it)


but tom tuerff said it best, and since i forgot how to cut & paste (alzheimers, no doubt), here is th link to the lyrics. the top song on the left "baby boomers"'Something To Sell At My Gigs" (http://hometown.aol.com/nudeadguy/lyrics.html)

[Mister Rik]

When people younger than you are Senators, CEOs, and hypertensives.
Yah, my mom was really surprised when she realized she was older than the President (Clinton, at the time, and now Bush, I suppose).

[Largo62]

You know you're old when your friends and relatives begin sending you the '50s nostalgia bits in email . . . and you recognize every item on the list.

[panache45]

You know you're getting old when every part of your body either dries up or leaks.

[Malienation]

1. Grey chest hair. The balding thing never bothered me because I look fairly well with slightly greying hair in spite of the receding hairline (besides, younger brother is almost completely bald, so I gotta count my blessings!).

2. Skin tags.

3. Lost a lotta weight, realized that, unlike past weight losses, my skin is not contracting back as enthusiatically as it used to.

4. After a severe gout attack, I went online to shop for canes.

5. Finally giving in and going on gout medication (forever!) when the weight loss and dietary changes don't work enough (almost didn't include this because the medication works so well, is cheap, and hasn't shown any side effects).

6. Realizing that I'm older than my dad was when I met my oldest friend that I still know.

[Kythereia]

I said it in another thread, but...

...when you go to the videostore, and there's a tenth-anniversary copy of a movie you watched avidly in the theatres as a kid.

[LouisB]

When people start bugging you to attend your 50th high school class reunion. (2 years to go)

[GrizzRich]

The other day, I beat a strong lad, half my age, at arm-wrestling...

...he told me I had "Old Man Strength".

as it turns out, he really did mean it as a complement.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

You remember when gaucho pants were in style the FIRST time - and you wouldn't wear them *then* because they were ugly.

You see a hot guy at the mall, and get pissed as he's walking with a 20 year old girl. Then you hear her say "Thanks, Daddy!" as she hugs him. :eek:

You begin to think your father's reaction to your Ted Nugent "Cat Scratch Feve" album cover was a tad over the top, considering what flows from ipods these days.

All of your childhood memories - Don Knotts, Captain Kangaroo, etc., start to pass away.

VCNJ~

[Dunderman]

You owned a black and white TV with the two dial knobs.
No dial knobs, but you had to turn on our TV five to ten minutes before watching. It had to get "warmed up". Or something.
You know how to do long-division on paper because no one in your elementry school could afford a calculator.
We just learned it. In seventh grade we got calculators and I didn't get the point of maths if you had a calculator.
You still have records and cassett tapes.
I have cassette tapes, but no equipment that can play them back.

Oh, and I had never heard of Wings before this thread. I had heard of Beatles, though.

[Frosted Glass]

I will never forget last spring break when I was playing Catchphrase with my aunts and cousins. My aunt got a word and started to give hints to my 14 year old cousin. As soon as she said the second word I was on the floor laughing.

Aunt: "Ok, it plays music recorded onto round things."
Cousin: "CD Player!"
A: "No, not lasers. It uses a needle."
C: *Blank stare*
A: "Before we had cassette players we had..."
C: "8-track player!"
A: "No, before that. 45's, 33's, LPs"
C: *Blank stare*
A: "It plays music pressed into vinyl."
C: "Vinyl?"
A: "You spin me right round baby right round like a..."
C: "Roller coasters don't play music."

At this point they ran out of time. The rest of us were practically pissing ourselves it was so damn funny. When the buzzer hit my aunt was in a state of disbelief because she is the youngest sister at 37. Even after she told my cousin that the word was record player, my cousin was still confused until I leaned over and explained to her that it is a turntable. To which she replied, "You mean those weren’t made for scratching?"

[Malacandra]

In the Battle of the Sexes, I am officially Switzerland.


And once again the Dope's Queen of the Bon Mot steps up and smacks one out of the park! :D

(I prefer "My sex appeal is now a registered charity" myself.)

I'm not that old really, but I'm older than our priest... who is a retired policeman turned to the cloth. :eek:

[Scissorjack]

There is much less time separating the end of WWII - in which the Luftwaffe tried to kill my parents - and the year I was born than there is between today and the end of the Vietnam War. A ten year old kid today has more distance between him and the fall of Saigon than I have with the Normandy landings.

[Paul in Qatar]

You are not old when you leave your reading glasses laying around. You are old when you never go anywhere without them.

You are old when your doctor is a kid who calls you 'Mister.'

[cabdude]

My hot water system died the other week.

It was installed before the apprentice who came to replace it was born.

[Lumpy]

When people five years younger than you are bitching about how old they are and how time's passing them by.

[MidnightRadio]

I said it in another thread, but...

...when you go to the videostore, and there's a tenth-anniversary copy of a movie you watched avidly in the theatres as a kid.Or twentieth-anniversary.

[Mister Rik]

Hah! Next year it will have been thirty years since I sat in the theater as a kid in wide-eyed amazement as Star Wars played out on the big screen.

[Nava]

KP, that was awesome, you rock. "Cat's in the Cradle", right?

Thank you, Lizard, I knew I had to know the song but couldn't quite place it.

[Squink]

Hah! Next year it will have been thirty years since I sat in the theater as a kid in wide-eyed amazement as Star Wars played out on the big screen.I don't even want to count the years since I joined the 'down the block and around the corner' line to see Mary Poppins. Everyone kept saying everything was supercalifragilistic for months afterwards. :smack:

[Scumpup]

When your teenaged students don't do anything for you, but you think some of their mothers are hot!

When the district hires a pretty, blonde twenty-something girls gym teacher and looking at her makes you think of sunshine, not hot-sweaty sex.

[Clothahump]

Billy Crystal has this bit about the time his son made him feel 90 years old by coming up to him and asking, "Dad, is it true Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

I told this story to my 12-year-old niece. She said to me, "Paul McCartney was in a band called Wings?"

Talk about feeling old...

We had the same thing - sorta - happen a couple of years ago. Family dinner, topic somehow gets around to music and McCartney and SWMBO makes a joke about how Paul McCartney was in a little garage band before he was in Wings.

And the Teenaged Terror, in all seriousness, asks, "Who's Paul McCartney?"

[KarlGauss]

When you find yourself sighing/groaning whenver you sit down*

*paraphrased from an old Frasier episode - I think

[Dunderman]

*paraphrased from an old Frasier episode - I thinkThat was something more like "Can you get up from the couch without making the 'old man noise'?".

[Least Original User Name Ever]

When the district hires a pretty, blonde twenty-something girls gym teacher and looking at her makes you think of sunshine, not hot-sweaty sex.

Um. You mean I have that to look forward to?

Christ...so, when should I kill myself?


when should I dodge the canes, dentures, and orthopedic shoes you guys are going to throw at me?

[Martini Enfield]

When you look at the hotties in a pr0n mag and realize that if they're not lying about their age, you're old enough to be their father! Who's your daddy?

I was having a coffee with my Dad the other day, and he made an interesting point along these lines. He said "Son, you know you're old when the women in porno magazines are younger than your own kids."

I don't think there's any way to argue with that.

[Cicero]

When they 20ish people on public transport are overtly displaying that they are reading The Da Vinci Code to show that they are cool. And you remember doing the same thing at their age. Except the book was Portnoys Complaint.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

When people younger than you are Senators, CEOs, and hypertensives.
or Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States....

[Harmonious Discord]

When you .....
Sorry I forgot what I thought of.

[Harmonious Discord]

You know your old, when you go into room full of antique tools and you know how to use them all.

[E. Thorp]

Or when "room full of antique tools" describes your class reunion.

[Napier]

How about...

*** They do one of those generation-by-generation photo sequences at the family Christmas reunion, and you're in the oldest group?

*** When you first went to work for the company, calling the local hardware store meant dialing 0 and asking the operator to connect you?


Yeah, did both.

[Jennshark]

When you re-watch films that seemed really profound when you were a high school junior . . . and they're really, really bad (yup, I watched Flashdance today!)

And, VCRs. Back in the day they were as big as a microwave oven and cost $1,000. We used to rent them at the videocassette store and they never, ever worked right.

[Harmonious Discord]

The neighbor has gone through two dogs from puppy to dead, and you consider them a rather new aquantance.

[Burrido]

I said it in another thread, but...

...when you go to the videostore, and there's a tenth-anniversary copy of a movie you watched avidly in the theatres as a kid.

For me, it was Pulp Fiction and the 5Th Element.

[Stinkum]

When you spend more money per month on medication and dental care than your mortgage. The house is fine, the body, not so good.

When you realize you can't eat like you used to and still maintain your weight. And when you get a little porky around the middle, it takes forever to lose the weight -- remember the good old days when you could skip a meal and lose the weight?

When you can't find a dang thing in the stores that fits or feels age-appropriate. Rarely does a 40+ year old female butt (non-surgically altered) look good in those low slung pants. Also, when you start dressing for comfort rather than looks. Stretchy pants -- yes!

[Baker]

The first time your priest/pastor/bishop/rabbi/ whatever is younger than you are! And you take perverse pride that you look younger, because your own hair is not gray. I am so going to hell for that!

You realize you are older than your grandmother was when you were born.

Your nephew watches your sister(his other aunt) use your rotary dial telephone and asks afterword, in a puzzled voice "How do you do that?"