Threads that are sure to end in meltdowns

[Freddy the Pig]

Before, we've done "threads that are sure to recur" and "threads that are guaranteed to get locked". But what about threads that are perfectly legal, and even innocuous on the surface, but are guaranteed to end in shit-storms and melt-downs?

In GQ right now there's a thread called, "Are all African Americans really African?" A perfectly innocuous question. But did anyone doubt for a moment that it would devolve into a flame-out before it was over? It's currently at 187 posts and counting.

A few days ago we had, "Who is the smartest Doper?" An innocuous question, and for a while everyone played nicey-nicey. But you knew--you knew--that it would end in sniping, mod warnings, and a lockdown--and it did.

Note that this is different from making a controversial post--it's easy to post "Abortion isn't a constitutional right" or "Everyone should have their cat declawed" in GD or the Pit and expect fireworks. Those are controversial topics. I'm talking about innocuous topics that inevitably turn toxic.

So how about it? What are your favorite Threads that are Sure to End in Flame-Outs?

[Diceman]

The current GQ thread "Can I vote-out a union?" was well on its way to a meltdown, until a moderator stepped in.

Also, I predict that any thread discussing the current situation with North Korea will end up being derailed by Bush-bashing.

[Lissa]

Topics Which Always Go Bad:

1) Cat de-clawing

2) Spanking children

3) Abortion

4) Creationism

5) Poisoning pesky animals

6) Circumcision

7) Welfare

8) Bush lied/didn't lie

[Batsinma Belfry]

"I let my cat cross the street."

[Rocketeer]

1) Showgirls is a misunderstood masterpiece.

2) Starship Troopers is a brilliant satire.

[Freddy the Pig]

Yep, anythng involving unions or outdoor cats is pretty sure to go nuclear.

Also, for some reason, the question of whether Jesus had brothers usually ends in Fourth-of-July pyrotechnics.

[bouv]

Which way do you hang your toilet paper roll?

More than any other topic, it seems so innocuous, yet within lies so much peril that to even gaze upon would mean certain death.

[Sal Ammoniac]

Still, I love dark-horse meltdowns. Anyone remember the one about dryer lint? That was a classic.

[BiblioCat]

Pretty much any food thread:
Picky eaters. ""Why can't they just pick the pepperonis off and eat the damn pizza?"
Vegetarianism. "I can too eat chicken and fish and eggs and call myself a vegetarian!"
Ordering milk in a bar. "Why did everyone laugh at me when I ordered a big glass of milk in the martini bar?"

[dwc1970]

Telemarketer threads always turn into a big vitriol-fest, particularly when a few posters defend telemarketing and the people who work in such jobs.

PC/Mac war threads are also guaranteed for a meltdown. They make Coke/Pepsi debates seem pale by comparison.

[Doctor Who]

I think my favorite thread of all time counts:

"Bush LIED about spanking the abortion of his declawed African-American indoor/outdoor cat named 88 that was created by G*d and kept by a welfare mom who LOVES Starship Troopers, works as a telemarketer, and thinks Macs suck... on a Treadmill."

Read it out loud. You'll laugh. Maybe.

[Zeldar]

I think my favorite thread of all time counts:

"Bush LIED about spanking the abortion of his declawed African-American indoor/outdoor cat named 88 that was created by G*d and kept by a welfare mom who LOVES Starship Troopers, works as a telemarketer, and thinks Macs suck... on a Treadmill."

Read it out loud. You'll laugh. Maybe.

If only the title box would hold it all. The history of SDMB on a pinhead.

[twickster]

Don't forget "SUVs -- harmless vehicles or signs of the Apocalypse?"

Oh, and people who don't return their shopping carts to the corral.

[Celyn]

Overweight people/extremely thin people

[garygnu]

I have to add:
"Dogs vs. children," and the related "dog-owners' vet-care budgets."



This very thread might be doomed as well.

[Eve]

Topics Which Always Go Bad:

1) Cat de-clawing

2) Spanking children

3) Abortion

4) Creationism

5) Poisoning pesky animals

6) Circumcision

7) Welfare

8) Bush lied/didn't lie

[Jaime Pressly voice] "Ah was off havin' an abortion, which Ah paid for with mah welfare check, when mah boyfriend hadda spank our older son, 'cause he wouldn't hold still durin' his circumcision. An' dayum, when Ah got home, if the neighbors didn't poison our cat, 'cause it clawed up their lawn chair!

Oh, an' Bush lied about Creationism." [/Jaime Pressly voice]

[ianzin]

Still, I love dark-horse meltdowns. Anyone remember the one about dryer lint? That was a classic. First, 'dark horse meltdown' is a wunnerful coinage for this phenomenon. I hope it catches on and becomes absorbed into the Dope hive mind.

Second, I agree that this is possibly the finest example ever. No-one, not even on these Boards, could have foreseen that dryer lint was going to split open a fresh consignment of snarling, hissing and bile. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=269863) (I've linked to the start of the thread but you have to wait for page two to get to the good stuff).

[Interrobang!?]

Don't forget tipping. Discussions of how much to tip, whether or not to tip, whether or not the tipping system should be abolished, and pretty much any other discussion involving tipping without the word "cow" in front of it will bring out The Fury.

[Doctor Who]

If only the title box would hold it all. The history of SDMB on a pinhead.
Well, we might need to sprinkle in a few other elements to really sum it all up. How about:

"Og-dammit, mods?! Why did you close the 'Bush LIED about spanking the abortion of his declawed African-American indoor/outdoor cat named 88 that was created by G*d (who believes in gay marriage with Nazi Groundhogs) and is kept by a welfare mom who LOVES Starship Troopers, works as a telemarketer, and thinks Macs suck... on a Treadmill' thread."

Yes.... that should do nicely.

[Cervaise]

Which way do you hang your toilet paper roll?Along with "why men shouldn't have to worry about putting the seat down."

[Gangster Octopus]

"Did a plane really crash into the Pentagon?"

[Freddy the Pig]

First, 'dark horse meltdown' is a wunnerful coinage for this phenomenon . . . I agree that this is possibly the finest example ever. No-one, not even on these Boards, could have foreseen that dryer lint was going to split open a fresh consignment of snarling, hissing and bile. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=269863)My personal favorite, as far as "dark horse meltdowns" go, is the guy who went stark raving berserk, and got banned, arguing over the origin of the nine-note "Kung Fu Fighting" riff.

[Dangerosa]

First, 'dark horse meltdown' is a wunnerful coinage for this phenomenon. I hope it catches on and becomes absorbed into the Dope hive mind.

Second, I agree that this is possibly the finest example ever. No-one, not even on these Boards, could have foreseen that dryer lint was going to split open a fresh consignment of snarling, hissing and bile. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=269863) (I've linked to the start of the thread but you have to wait for page two to get to the good stuff).

As was the amazing meltdown over making your guests take their shoes off, and its converse - its rude to just take your shoes off.

[enipla]

In the house - Shoes on or shoes off?

[Speaker for the Dead]

Is using "literally" as an intensifier wrong?

[Shagnasty]

Ordering milk in a bar. "Why did everyone laugh at me when I ordered a big glass of milk in the martini bar?"

I told the innocent story about my friend that touched that one off. Someone pitted me and the story and it spiralled out of control for several hundred replies. Some people insisted that I even made the story up as though I could have anticipated it and made up such a stupid, mundane thing.

Mine is: Would a BMW sedan or a Prius be better for me?

[msmith537]

Why do nice guys finish last?

Star Wars Episodes I-III were brilliant

Anything about minimum wage

Any thread I participate in that has "women" in the title

[Der Trihs]

"Is being religious better or worse for society than atheism ?"

"Do you consider Bush a good Christian ?"

"Would you have preferred to be born a man or a woman ?"

"Would you have preferred to be born gay, bi or straight ?"

[OneCentStamp]

The most obvious one that hasn't been mentioned yet: smoking. You have the idiots on one end who think all smokers should be in some kind of gulag on Mars, the other kind who think smoke magically stays in the smoking section of the restaurant as if held in my invisible force fields, and the people in between who want you to do just what you like, as long as you please don't blow it on my kids.

Those threads always get nasty.

[Mississippienne]

Threads on...

Smoking (pro and con)
Childfree (pro and con)
Poor people
Obesity
Vegetarianism
Nice Guys who can't get a date
Transgender/Transsexual issues

... almost always degenerate into utterly wretched trainwrecks. My own personal vote for threads least likely to be missed are:

1. European Dopers, what do you REALLY think of America? REALLY?
2. Tell me why I don't need a passport to go to so I don't have to shill out the hundred bucks for a passport I really [I]do need if I want to visit [insert country here].

[elfkin477]

Threads with names like these will lead to meltdowns:

* "Have you ever seen an uglier baby? (link to picture included)"

* "Cellphones should be illegal to use while driving"

* "(Motor)cyclists: mild-mannered road co-users, or highway menace?"

* "Why can't everyone drive the speed limit?!"

* "You don't really grow up until becoming a parent" VS "Having kids is selfish, and your parenting skills suck"

* "My Dog/Cat/Ferret/Wombat is like a child to me"

* "Shaving your legs just makes the mysogenists happy"

* "Why are religious people stupid/have mental illnesses?" vs "Athesists are pompous, wrong, and have no morals"

* "Why are Republicans evil/hate poor people?" VS "Is it possible to be a liberal and not stupid OR on the dole?"

[ianzin]

My personal favorite, as far as "dark horse meltdowns" go, is the guy who went stark raving berserk, and got banned, arguing over the origin of the nine-note "Kung Fu Fighting" riff. I missed that one! Got a link? Or tell me it comes up easy on search (before I add to the hamsters' workload).

[OneCentStamp]

I missed that one! Got a link? Or tell me it comes up easy on search (before I add to the hamsters' workload).

Ta-da! (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=300466) (or is that "de de de de de de dah dah dah"?)

[Syntropy]

* "My Dog/Cat/Ferret/Wombat is like a child to me"
I came in here to post this very thing. As Bob is my witness, I will never get involved in that trainwreck topic again.


Harry Potter Qualifies as Literature
This Painting/sculpture/picture isn't art, I don't care what the critics say
What can we do to stop Global Warming?
Tattoos: What do you think of them?

[NoClueBoy]

Star Trek ships could beat Star Wars ships (or vice versa)

Obscure stupid ass news story makes me so mad! (I like the between the lines taunting in some of the replies.)

Why you [gays, women, bikers, goths, atheists, Muslims, Fundies, whatever] just don't get why you aren't liked. Allow me to explain ...

My boss/wife/student/ferret/alien overlord/plumber is a racist because he said [some borderline offensive phrase/word]

[Certain Admin] lied!

[Certain Doper] is an idiot because s/he disagrees with me in this dumb ass thread about [some lame, dumb ass topic].




I gots more!

[Mangetout]

There are certain types of general science GQ/marginal GD thread that are just doomed; the 'plane on a treadmill' is perhaps the most memorable examples. 'Is the image in a mirror 3D or 2D?' is on its way to a similar fate right now, I think. The more mundane the scenario, the mosr likely it is to run and run - in the end, people just ignore each other and keep on restating their positions using slightly different wording.
Woe betide anyone who tries to introduce their own observations on the scenario; no matter how carefully they observed it; they will be told that the plural of anecdote is not data (not that they necessarily claimed it ever was).

[teela brown]

The ever-popular People shouldn't drive in the left lane unless they're passing! will always veer off the highway.

[Arnold Winkelried]

I've got one:

Prostitution (acting in pornographic movies / posing naked in Playboy) is demeaning to women. The fact that some women do it willingly is not a proof of the emancipation of women being able to accept and openly display their sexuality; instead it demonstrates that the US feminist movement of the 1970s is truly dead (witness the failure of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1982) and theat the patriarchal power structure has managed to convince women that portraying youself as a sex object is somehow "liberating".

In fact, I'm tempted to start this discussion in Great Debates right now - as we all know, from heat comes light.

(just kidding, Gaudere, MEBuckner, tomndebb)

[Mangetout]

Ooh, I have one:

Suicide should never occur because people only attempt suicide when they are not in their right mind; we know they're not in their right mind, because nobody in their right mind would want to kill themselves.

[Spoke]

"Don't bring your screaming kids to the restaurant/movie theater"

"Tattoos are artistic personal statements / Tattoos are tacky and passe"

"How do I beat my speeding ticket" (Always brings a parade of people lecturing the OP for skirting the law.)

[Beware of Doug]

NAMBLA Is Misunderstood

[vivalostwages]

"I loved that movie/I hated that movie/How could you say that/I'm feeling attacked/Don't you have any taste in movies?/We could never get along in real life"----These very subjective opinion/strong feeling threads quickly deteriorate and become nasty, even in CS.

Any kind of "I Have a Student Who's a Complete Asshole" thread invariably degenerates as soon as the chronic Asshole-Defenders arrive to whine on the student's behalf, no matter what the circumstances are.

[PastAllReason]

"Guests and their shoes: on or off?" The first time I read a thread on this topic on this board, I was amazed at the intensity of the discussion. Not anymore.

[Merhouse]

Still, I love dark-horse meltdowns. Anyone remember the one about dryer lint? That was a classic.

OK, Dark Horse Meltdown is the best band name EVER :D

As for the OP, well, you've already got some great answers, and I can't beat any of them :)

[JRDelirious]

Threads with names like these will lead to meltdowns:
...
* "Cellphones should be illegal to use while driving"

* "(Motor)cyclists: mild-mannered road co-users, or highway menace?"

* "Why can't everyone drive the speed limit?!"
..."
Oh, yes, I was coming here to nominate the ones about driving etiquette. Good call.

[Manda JO]

"Guests and their shoes: on or off?" The first time I read a thread on this topic on this board, I was amazed at the intensity of the discussion. Not anymore.

Actually, after the first couple it's gotten to the point where people start talking about geographical differences right from the get go. As I remember, the first time we did this it took to like page three for people to notice that all the people on this side lived in one set of places and all the people on that side lived in another set of places. It was like a light bulb went on.

[Der Trihs]

"How common is racism in the South, really ?"

"Was the Civil War about state's rights more than slavery ?"

[minlokwat]

Still, I love dark-horse meltdowns. Anyone remember the one about dryer lint? That was a classic.

I think this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=378300) one can give it a run for its money.

[Guinastasia]

Still, I love dark-horse meltdowns. Anyone remember the one about dryer lint? That was a classic.


Wha?

You're kidding-anyone got a link?

[Lumpy]

Topics Which Always Go Bad:

1) Cat de-clawing

2) Spanking children

3) Abortion

4) Creationism

5) Poisoning pesky animals

6) Circumcision

7) Welfare

8) Bush lied/didn't lie9) Gun control

I'm convinced that people on opposite sides of this issue are proceeding from axiomatically different world views, and that there's simply no way to resolve the debate.

[kevegan]

9) Gun control

I'm convinced that people on opposite sides of this issue are proceeding from axiomatically different world views, and that there's simply no way to resolve the debate.I'm not so sure. Both sides believe that murder is wrong, both sides believe that killing should be kept to a minimum, both sides believe you should protect those you love. So, the primary worldview is pretty similar.

Might it be that it's the perception (by gun control supporters) that pro-gun people develop an unhealthy emotional commitment to their hardware, and the perception (by pro-gun people) that gun control supporters are cowards (or at least people who opt out of making tough choices) that separates the two sides? Okay, a clash of worldviews, perhaps - but a rather sad and immature clash.

[Cervaise]

Oh, yes, I was coming here to nominate the ones about driving etiquette.That one about whether or not it's okay to wait until the last possible moment to merge into a primary lane when a side lane is ending is always good for a straightjacket or two when it makes its occasional appearance.

[Jeep's Phoenix]

"Big dog" threads. It doesn't matter whether you've declared them your children or not; some people seem to think that all big dogs are evil and must die.

One of the last "my coworker smells like sewage" threads, while not turning into a meltdown, had quite a few negative remarks direct at the OP -- he/she shouldn't complain about the smelly coworker, since the coworker could have a medical problem...

On the subject of the astoundingly bad assumptions that seem to accompany meltdown threads, I recall one SUV thread in which a poster argued that SUVs are responsible for all the tires littering the shoulders of most interstates. (It turns out that the "tires" the poster referred to were really chunks of rubber from re-treaded eighteen wheeler tires.)

[ianzin]

Wha?

You're kidding-anyone got a link? Perhaps I'm being whooshed by Guin here - and if so, congrats - but if not, see my post #17.

[Laughing Lagomorph]

...
Ordering milk in a bar. "Why did everyone laugh at me when I ordered a big glass of milk in the martini bar?"

I remember that one. Good times, good times.

[DxZero]

I remember that one. Good times, good times.

You wouldn't happen to have the link to that thread handy? That sounds like the type of trainwreck I'd like to view

[Rilchiam]

Milk in a bar (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302800).

And the thread that spawned it. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302338&page=1&pp=50)

[Shalmanese]

Whether eating steak well done is unsophisticated. Man, that was a doozy.

[koeeoaddi]

"Don't bring your screaming kids to the restaurant/movie theater"

/transatlantic flight.

[DxZero]

Milk in a bar (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302800).

And the thread that spawned it. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302338&page=1&pp=50)

Aww...that wasn't as funny as it could have been. Shucks.

Thats for the link, BTW.

[DxZero]

Thats for the link, BTW.

Or even thanks too.

[Boulter's Canary]

"I'm going to country/state/resort on holiday/vacation, what advice can you give?"

Somebody is bound to answer "yeah, don't go - it's crap and the people are all bastards" and off we go.

[Sublight]

Sublight's three rules of child-rearing discussions:

1. Any activity, no matter how mundane or innocuous, will have someone who is rabidly against it and will accuse any parent who performs/allows/supports it of being a child-abusing psychopath.

2. Any activity, no matter how bizarre, extreme or illegal, will have someone who is rabidly in favor of it and will accuse any parent who rejects/opposes/disagrees with it of being a neanderthal fascist child-abusing psychopath.

3. Once #1 or #2 make their appearance, someone will post an more vitriolic counter-flame. At this point, the meltdown has already begun.

[Laughing Lagomorph]

Aww...that wasn't as funny as it could have been. Shucks.

Thats for the link, BTW.

I just thought it was amazing the way such an offhand anecdote spawned so much passion. Very much in the spirit of the OP of THIS thread, I think.

[twickster]

Thank you notes (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=379057). Now I remember I'm in the old-fogie minority on this issue. :rolleyes:

[Silver Tyger]

And the thread that spawned it. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302338&page=1&pp=50)

:eek: Note to self: do not pit your stupid digestive system. Because apparently gagging is all in your mind.

Objection to self: But flame wars are amusing!

Note to objection: Shut up.

[Zoe]

Is "white trash" a racist term?

[Malacandra]

A short discussion on the merits and demerits of feminism has been known to get a little lively before now, ISTR.

[Sublight]

Is "white trash" a racist term?
Why can't I have a white pride rally? How come everyone else gets to be proud and not me?

[Mellivora capensis]

9) Gun control

I'm convinced that people on opposite sides of this issue are proceeding from axiomatically different world views, and that there's simply no way to resolve the debate.

Oh yes there is.

<<narrows eyes, right hand hovers over six-gun>>