Looking for the perfect drug.

[theuglytruth]

I'm looking for the perfect drug. It must match the following criteria:

1. It must be legal in the US
2. It must make feel happy at all times
3. It must give me lots of energy
4. No dangerous side effects
5. No visible signs to others that I am on it
6. Non addictive
7. No dangerous mental side effects
8. Can still perfom my job
9. No sexual side effects

The closet I can get is No-Doz, but it cramps my stomach and makes me paranoid. Execdrin kicks ass too, but depending on when I take it, puts me right to sleep in a state of listlessness.

Sorry, hippies, but "Get high on life" will not do.

Any suggestions Dopers?

[DoctorJ]

"One that won't make me nervous, wondering what to do!
"One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you--
"When I'm alone with you!"

OK, now that I've dated myself--I'm afraid you're probably out of luck. I'd say caffeine probably comes the closest, although it fails partially on several and completely on others (namely #6).

And since when have hippies been "getting high on life"? There were still plenty of drugs at the last Phish show I went to.

Dr. J

How about sex? I mean, OK, it can be addictive, but 'tain't nothing wrong with that! :D

[black rabbit]

I'd be satisfied with something that combines the effects of coke and beer with raging boners. Hey designer drug makers: get to work!

[theuglytruth]

Sorry, but sex saps my strength.

[Max the Immortal]

How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)? It's produced by your body so it's fairly safe (all-natural and designed specifically for your body) and would be impossible to make illegal. I'm fairly sure that hospitals carry it (they take a big syringe of it and stab heart attack victims in the heart with it if their heart needs a major jumpstart. I suppose it would be addictive, though (as in adrenaline junkies doing extreme sports). Epinephrine is freakin' powerful, too. The human body produces less than 20mg (maybe even 10mg) of it over the course of a lifetime. A dose of 1mg might kill you; now THAT'S a powerful drug!

Of course, I could be completely in the wrong about this...

[darkcool]

Xanax, w/ Dr.s RX.

[Sublight]

Sorry, but sex saps my strength.

Yeah, but by that point, do you care?

More importantly, I guess, is 'Can you still perform your job while doing it?'

If yes, what's your job, and can I apply?

--sublight.

[Jorge]

Betel Nut. Means you'd have to go shopping in the Asian or Pacific markets nearest you. Also, depending on how you take it, might look like you were chewing some kind of red tobacco, if you figure that violates #5.

[TroubleAgain]

Originally posted by DoctorJ
"One that won't make me nervous, wondering what to do!
"One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you--
"When I'm alone with you!"

OK, now that I've dated myself--
Dr. J

I'm with you, Dr. J. Loved that group. Sigh.....

[cornflakes]

Enlightenment?
Meets all except 2 and 3, and it may make those moot.

[Ashtar]

I'm surprised nobody mentioned this before but:

At least 9 hours of sleep a night.

A healthy breakfast, and plenty of breads and grains throughout the day.

Plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet.

Drink at least 5 glasses of *WATER* every day.

Try to get some form of exercise for at least 20 minutes every day, and moreso if you have a primarily sedentary lifestyle.

Drink half a glass of wine every evening.

Abstain from smoking and other drugs.

Drink alcohol only in careful moderation.

Eat your spinach

Get all of your vitamins and minerals.

-----------------------

The basic point to get across here is simply that there's no one realistic way to get all the things yer hoping for.

There's no perscription drug that can excuse you from living healthy. And living healthy is what'll fill all those requirements for ya!

-Ashley

[awldune]

Originally posted by Max the Immortal
How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)?

I think taking adrenaline recreationally would probably be an exceptionally bad idea, especially if your family has any history of heart problems. It would probably fail to meet your criteria 3-5, 8. Maybe if you worked out the right dosage, though...
Having a heart arhythmia, I myself would be a fool to take it without a EMS person handy with a defibrillator.
Input from anyone who has taken this for kicks?

[awldune]

I can't seem to access my previous post to correct my spelling...

[MJH2]

Originally posted by Ashtar
The basic point to get across here is simply that there's no one realistic way to get all the things yer hoping for.

There's no perscription drug that can excuse you from living healthy. And living healthy is what'll fill all those requirements for ya!

She does have a point, though I am agreeing with her for a somewhat different reason that you all might imagine.

There is no one drug that will satisfy all of your criteria. That's why people keep looking for (and finding) new ones.

Plus, I think Ashley's regimen just might violate criterion #6, "Must be non-addictive". Since a healthy diet and lifestyle is only effective if followed consistently, one could argue that it is "addictive". Unless "you can stop any time you want to?" ...

No offense, Ashley, I'm just try to be humorous, I'm not impugning your lifestyle. I live pretty much the same way -- except for the 9 hours of sleep thing. Sometimes that a tough one.

[August West]

LSD-25 meets all of your criteria except for #1. Well, maybe #8, depending on your job.

[Meephead]

Originally posted by Max the Immortal
How about epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline)? ....

It is available over the counter... Have you ever heard of Primatine Mist? Read the label. :-)

There are side effects... Increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, etc. Basically, what you are doing is artificially inducing the body's flight or fight response. This has its advantages if you use it for legitimate short term use, but it can cause long term problems if it is overused.

[red_dragon60]

hey Meephead, what is this primatine mist? What are it's uses? and how expensive is it?

[Meephead]

Originally posted by red_dragon60
hey Meephead, what is this primatine mist? What are it's uses? and how expensive is it?

It is an over the counter asthma inhaler. That is the only real legitimate use. Should be less than $15US. Check out www.primatene.com/products/primatene_mist.asp

For side effects and such, check www.healthysource.com/pycnogenol/asthma_epinephrine.html

[Badtz Maru]

Yeah, a couple of puffs of Primatene will get you feeling somewhat high for a short period of time. I wouldn't do too much, I saw a guy once inhale about 15 puffs and he started freaking out and said he was having a heart attack. He lived, but he probably won't do it again.

What does this 'Betel Nut' do, exactly?

You can get REALLY messed up on nutmeg, but it's not something you would be able to work on and the trip it sends you on often lasts more than 24 hours and can be quite unpleasant.

[Enright3]

I think Huey Lewis has the answer to this one.

A new girlfriend can make you feel all of those things.

Ahhh.... to be young and in love again. So exciting, yet so painful. What a wonderful feeling.

[SoMoMom]

I recommend chocolate. Lots of it. There is a slight problem with #6 but WHO CARES? :p

[Meephead]

Originally posted by Badtz Maru
What does this 'Betel Nut' do, exactly?


Look here: www.erowid.org/plants/betel/betel_effects.shtml

[Meephead]

This is the most complete and fascinating compendium of information on recreational drugs and herbs that I have found. There is very complete information on lots of substances, good and bad. You might find something you like here, or at least be able to learn why you do or do not want to do drugs.

www.erowid.org/psychoactives/psychoactives.shtml

[Sue Duhnym]

Well, there is testosterone, but it has those DAMN dangerous mental side effects!

:D

[Tzel]

Originally posted by ChiefWahoo
LSD-25 meets all of your criteria except for #1. Well, maybe #8, depending on your job.

Far be it from me to criticize LSD, being quite an enthusiast myself, but I'd have to say it does violate #7, dangerous mental side effects.

[Wildest Bill]

How about Christ? Wait, He wouldn't work for 5 and 6 on your list.

Originally posted by Wildest Bill
How about Christ? Wait, He wouldn't work for 5 and 6 on your list.

or #9

[They Call Me Sneeze]

http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/high.html

the answer to your quest AND the best poem in the whole wide world.

[kevals]

ephedrine

I think it qualifies with your criteria. Personally not too wild about it, but a friend of mine used to take it before he went to work for the night shift all the time. Definately keeps you up.
read up on it at: http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ephedrine/ephedrine.shtml

-cool site Meephead

[August West]

Originally posted by Tzel
Originally posted by ChiefWahoo
LSD-25 meets all of your criteria except for #1. Well, maybe #8, depending on your job.

Far be it from me to criticize LSD, being quite an enthusiast myself, but I'd have to say it does violate #7, dangerous mental side effects.

Cite, please?

[Poysyn]

What about that weird toad you can lick? :D

[Tzel]

Originally posted by ChiefWahoo
Originally posted by Tzel
Originally posted by ChiefWahoo
LSD-25 meets all of your criteria except for #1. Well, maybe #8, depending on your job.

Far be it from me to criticize LSD, being quite an enthusiast myself, but I'd have to say it does violate #7, dangerous mental side effects.

Cite, please?

Screw cites. I'm going to use anecdotal evidence and consider it completely valid. (In fact, when it comes to the not well understood world of LSD, I'd consider it more valid because my experience gives me solid knowledge of what LSD can, in some situations, do. Getting a bunch of subjects together and psychologically testing them for vaguely defined psychological disorders proves little.) I see permanent tracers because I've taken a relatively large amount of acid. Some friends have it even worse, and I know people who are largely incoherent because of either prolonged exposure to acid or a few ridiculously large doses, often by accident. Maybe it's not "scientific." It could have been something we ate (er, well, it was, I guess, or something we soaked into our skin in some cases, but whatever), but c'mon. C'mon.

[Wildest Bill]

Tzel,

Sounds like your experienced to me. So how about this question what about shrooms did they have the same side affects as LSD(since they don't have stricknine (sp) in them)?

I had to take a drug class one time and they listed all the bad side affect and long term bad effects and shrooms didn't seem to have any thing concrete against doing them. I have since quit using drugs but have wondered about shrooms?

[Tzel]

I've always been told that strychnine in LSD is largely a myth. If it does show up, it's probably because someone was suckered in by that myth. It was originially claimed that strychnine somehow binds the liquid LSD to the blotter, but that is completely inaccurate. (I've also heard people complain of strychnine in liquid LSD, which makes no sense even in the context of the myth.) As far as mushrooms, I don't think they are as bad as LSD, but I wouldn't take them lightly. I've only taken them 3 times or so, and don't really take them at all anymore because I have some sort of strong resistance to them that makes it difficult to get off properly. I don't take acid anymore either, or at least I tell myself I won't.

[aseymayo]

What - no one's mentioned Nitrous Oxide yet?

1. Legal in US?
Yup, but I think you need some qualifications to dispense it, so the best source is your friendly dentist.

2. Happy all the time?
Well, yeah, as long as you're breathing it. It makes you happy enough that you really don't mind that someone's drilling holes in your teeth or poking your gums with sharp, pointy instruments - and that's pretty happy. Of course, you do have to stop breathing it at some point or it will kill you, but that's where those dispensing qualifications come in handy.

3. Give lots of energy?
Does mental energy count? My brain really fizzes along in a nitrous atmosphere. I come up with all kinds of brilliant ideas - I've even written Odes to Dentristy while under its influence. I do notice these brilliancies tend to lose a lot of significance once I've started breathing good ol' Double-O again, but hey, they were certainly entertaining compared to that root canal.

4. Side effects?
None that I know of - except that dying thing. And possibly a slight wooziness when the dentist brings the chair back to the upright position.

5. Not visible to others?
You mean aside from the big tank, the nosecone over your face and the insane giggling? Well, no one can tell what's going on inside your head, if that's what you mean.

6. Addictive?
I have no data on that - but I do visit my dentist regularly. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe that bastard has me hooked!

7. Mental side effects?
Can't say I've really lemon drop, but I haven't noticed any difference.

8. Perform your job?
Well, OK, using it while working is pretty much impossible. But why would you want to waste a good high on work?

9. Sexual side effects?
Apart from the fantasizing about one's dentist and/or dental technicians while using it?

10.
I know, there is NO rule ten. The list just seemed incomplete without one.

You can get whippets - little nitrous-filled cartridges used to make whipped cream. But they require a certain amount of paraphenalia and don't last very long. Nope - go to the dentist, I say, and demand your nitrous! Believe me, it's a gas.

[dtilque]

Some named Cecil once wrote this (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_223b.html) on nitrous oxide. Note the long term side effects.

[neutron star]

If a drug could qualify for 1-5 and 7, there's no way it could qualify for 6. Anything that pleasurable would be psychologically addictive. Hell, anything that's pleasurable at all can be addictive, at least to a degree. I'm hooked on the SDMB, Rush songs, and watching syndicated reruns of the Simpsons every night at 10. Maybe not to the point of holding up a liquor store so I could buy a copy of Hemispheres, but I still crave these things a bit.


Anyway, I gather from criterion #3 that the OP is looking for a stimulant. I'd say the closest thing you're going to find is ephedrine. If you're young and have a strong heart, you should be okay. It increases your heart rate, but hey, it's a stimulant and that's what stimulants do. I've never heard of an ephedrine junky, so the addiction potential can't be too great. It's cheap, too. Maybe $6 for 60 pills. Side effects are generally mild for most people. A small percentage suffer from hallucinations, dizziness, vomitting, etc. Here is some patient information (http://www.rxlist.com/scripts/patient/piumore.pl?mononum=349&dc_category=Colds_and_Flus&order=0&type=&item=") for ephedrine.

[neutron star]

Whoops. Let's try that URL (http://www.rxlist.com/scripts/patient/piumore.pl?mononum=349&dc_category=Colds_and_Flus&order=0&type=&item=) again.

[kanicbird]

get a book on herbs and other natural 'drugs' try out a few that fits what you want. a good book is Dr Atkins vitanutrent solution even if you are not on his diet. He goes into detail of what each - herb, vit, min, fat, amino acid, + others I think - will do. One I recommend for energy is DMG - forgot what it stood for but I take it what I feel tired during the day, have no adictiveness at least for me :)

[kanicbird]

also a good accupuncturist could recommend such herbs