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View Full Version : Green Lantern Script---OH! PUCKERNUTS!


Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
08-17-2006, 01:28 PM
There is a Green Lantern Movie in the works.

It promises to be worse than you can possibly imagine, worse than Batman Forever.

Great Krypton!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

http://www.iesb.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=122

No Hal Jordan!
No Stewart or Gardner!
No Kyle Rayner!
No Alan Scott (which would be very cool, if set in WW2).

No. Not even G'nort.

None of them!

Instead we are introduced Jud Plato, a bumbling idiot.

This script is dated 6/20/06 and written by Robert Smigel, yes the same guy who does the voice for Insult the comic dog and tons of writing for SNL’s TV Fun House. Jon Shestack Productions (Firewall) is developing the project.

Let’s remember that a person can be chosen to be a Green Lantern if they are brave and without fear. So how does Jud Plato receive his power?

He competed in a “Fear Factor-like” event that is airing on TV that very night. The ring’s green power locates Jud at a local bar that has the show on. The Green Light from the ring witnesses Jud eating a coyote during the competition, you read right, a coyote. He is eating the entire animal.

The ring’s green light had traveled around the world looking for the right person, after a selection that included a soldier, a legless mountain climber and so on, the best he finds is Jud Plato because he is eating an animal… raw….great.



In a scene where Jud Plato is taken to Planet Oa and confronted by members of the Green Lantern Corp, we are introduced to other Green Lanterns that include Toma-Re, Salakk, Sinestro, Medphyll, Xax and others. He is taken to the “Book” (yes in this script The Great Book of Oa is only referred to as the “Book”) and is explained the history of the planet Tchk-Tchck and their inhabitants the Tchk-Tchkii.

It’s obvious that Jud is not digging the book nor really comprehending what is being told to him, so his fellow Corp members try to explain it to him in a simpler way…with singing muppet-like characters. I am not kidding, muppet-like characters singing and explaining to him the story of the evil Tchk-Tchkii.

Kilowag is assigned to train Jud. This is when things take a turn for the worse, WTF! Is that even possible? Here is a little more, we will see Kilowag and Jud eating at a local Olive Garden (yes it actually says Olive Garden in the script, well hey, when you’re there, you’re family) and also later in the story we get to see Kilowag half naked and drunk, yeah!

This movie establishes that the world that we live in is comfortable with having Superheroes around, from references to Superman, Spiderman and using lines from the Fantastic Four. It also appears that the average person is quite aware of who our hero is because of existing Green Lantern comic books

This will destroy comics based films for a generation.

:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:

NAF1138
08-17-2006, 01:48 PM
:eek: why would they do that? why?

I need some alone time :(

Sean Factotum
08-17-2006, 01:49 PM
Hey, it's just the first script. How often do they last without rewrites before filming starts?

Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
08-17-2006, 01:52 PM
Hey, it's just the first script. How often do they last without rewrites before filming starts?

We're discussing Hollywood, here.

The Studio Execs probably love it!


I'm gonna go shoot myself out of a cannon, now.

simster
08-17-2006, 01:56 PM
hmmm.. if it picks him, what does that say about the rest of the people on the planet?

I, for one, Welcome our Coyote Eating Overlards.

Menocchio
08-17-2006, 01:57 PM
I heard the "comedy GL" rumor a while back. I thought it was dead in the water.

Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
08-17-2006, 01:57 PM
hmmm.. if it picks him, what does that say about the rest of the people on the planet?

I, for one, Welcome our Coyote Eating Overlards.
And this one wants to extract--oh Hell, might as well do this right
Extract Lard from dead Coyotes
????
PROFIT!!

ouryL
08-17-2006, 02:01 PM
It takes only a mouthful of bullshit to get me to realize I am being fed it. :dubious:

IT MUST BE AN UNFUNNY PRATICAL JOKE!! :mad:


Hey!! Who changed the smilies!?

Little Nemo
08-17-2006, 02:06 PM
This is what happens when movie executives fail to realize they temselves are stupid and try to dummy a story down to what they think is the average person's level.

Miller
08-17-2006, 02:06 PM
I have to admit, I like the idea of there being an Olive Garden on Oa.

Loopydude
08-17-2006, 02:07 PM
Puckernuts?

Cherry Garcia
08-17-2006, 02:10 PM
I'd relax. Remember when Tim Burton was going to direct Superman Lives and Nic Cage was supposed to star? Remember the Superman script (http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=13350) by J J Abrams? Fortunately common sense prevailed at Warner Bros. Granted, Superman Returns wasn't universally loved, but it wasn't the total piece of crap Warner Bros. could have given us. Let's hope they learned from the failure of Halle Berry's Catwoman fiasco and the success of Batman Begins. Try to stay close to the legend and don't do a revisionist flick, and it'll do well.

Bryan Ekers
08-17-2006, 02:21 PM
Does it have a giant spider in it?

Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
08-17-2006, 02:21 PM
Puckernuts?

Yes, PUCKERNUTS!

http://www.answers.com/topic/list-of-fictional-expletives#wp-P

puckernuts - from Elfquest; similar meaning to "damn" or "damn it"

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
08-17-2006, 02:26 PM
Yes, PUCKERNUTS!

http://www.answers.com/topic/list-of-fictional-expletives#wp-P
Bah. That list doesn't even have "poozer" on it.

Max Torque
08-17-2006, 02:27 PM
Hollywood insists on not taking comic books seriously and making comedies out of them, despite overwhelming evidence that serious, dark comic book movies make tons of money, while campy ones tank. The original Superman, the first serious comic book movie in memory, was a huge success. By Superman III, they decided to abandon what had worked in the past and make a slapsticky comedy movie, because, well, that's what comics are, right? Bombed.

Original Batman: success. Schumacher Batmans: bombs. Spider-Man: success. Mystery Men: bomb. Somehow, they just don't see the pattern. Instead, they churn out crap like Zoom, the kiddie superhero flick with Tim Allen that just came out. According to Box Office Mojo, the special effects extravaganza opened in ninth place, despite being in over 2500 theaters, and it earned the first 0% rating I've seen on Rotten Tomatoes in quite a while.

pizzabrat
08-17-2006, 02:33 PM
You had me at Robert Smigel.

Of course, that synopsis doesn't sound promising at all; but then, it was written by someone who admittedly didn't appreciate the script.

However, as someone with a lack of respect for adult fandom of superhero comics, sci-fi, and fantasy, and yet a love for spoofs of those genres (i.e. Flaming Carrot, Futurama, Ninja Turtles), I'm looking forward to a irreverant take on the Green Lantern.

That their wielding hot IP with this project is especially exciting. GL is popular enough, it seems, to be a recognizable name. But he's (they're?) obscure enough for most people to have any demands or expectations about him (them?).

kaylasdad99
08-17-2006, 02:38 PM
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Cherry Garcia
08-17-2006, 02:44 PM
Hollywood insists on not taking comic books seriously and making comedies out of them, despite overwhelming evidence that serious, dark comic book movies make tons of money, while campy ones tank. The original Superman, the first serious comic book movie in memory, was a huge success. By Superman III, they decided to abandon what had worked in the past and make a slapsticky comedy movie, because, well, that's what comics are, right? Bombed.

Original Batman: success. Schumacher Batmans: bombs. Spider-Man: success. Mystery Men: bomb. Somehow, they just don't see the pattern. Instead, they churn out crap like Zoom, the kiddie superhero flick with Tim Allen that just came out. According to Box Office Mojo, the special effects extravaganza opened in ninth place, despite being in over 2500 theaters, and it earned the first 0% rating I've seen on Rotten Tomatoes in quite a while.

The original source material for Mystery Men was campy itself, though. It was from Dark Horse Comics and the humor was similar to that of other Dark Horse titles like Men In Black and TMNT.

From the Flaming Carrot website:

They are a bizarre collection of oddball costumed adventurers, deemed unqualified for major-league superhero teams because of mediocre, uncontrollable, or nonexistent powers, behavioral problems, or the extreme public outrage at some of their shenanigans.

"...a snappy costume and a cool name is all you need for the Mysterymen, the human cannon fodder of the war on crime. At their peak, The Mysterymen numbered about 30 (The Dirty Thirty), but it's hard to come up with an exact figure on them because of high casualty rates, the highest of any superhero team in the history of the medium."

http://www.flamingcarrot.com/MM/history.html

So, while it may have failed at the box-office because of its campy nature, that was inherent in the original comic and may have been difficult to translate well to the screen.

rjung
08-17-2006, 03:03 PM
I just love the idea of Kilowag dropping by Olive Garden for dinner (especially since I'm imagining him in his hulking purple-and-green (http://www.answers.com/topic/kilowog-png) glory)

RealityChuck
08-17-2006, 08:21 PM
The thing is that superheroes are such an inherently silly idea to begin with that you have to play it pretty straight or else the whole thing collapses.

Lord Il Palazzo
08-17-2006, 09:37 PM
I hope this will go the way of Superman's gay robot sidekick and his epic clash with a polar bear.

No way in hell they could actually make this movie. I could picture GL fans picketing production, signing petitions and, if it came to it, assassinating the director to stop production on this travesty.

Abin Sur just rolled over in his grave.

Menocchio
08-17-2006, 10:06 PM
This could unite HEAT and Kyle's fans.

No force in the universe could stand up to taht much fanboy whining!