Cell phone rudeness

[Sad and Deranged]

I have a friend who answers her cell phone every time it rings. Whether we are on a loud bus, or shopping, or having dinner at a nice quiet restaurant, she never fails to answer when it rings. For the most part, it doesn't bother me, because I answer my own cell phone too when it rings, although it doesn't ring as often as hers. I'm less popular, I guess. Anyway, a lot of these calls aren't really important. Once in a while, someone from work calls for a clarification on how to do something on a project she's currently working on, otherwise it's just friends or family calling to chat.

It does, however, bother me when she answers her cellphone when we are in the middle of dinner, or even just a conversation to chat with someone else for anywhere between five minutes to half an hour. I've told her before "Hey, look, it's really rude to have a conversation on your cell phone when you are hanging out with me. I understand when it's work related, but when you are just casually chatting, can't you wait until we stop hanging out?" She apologizes, but then the next time the phone rings, she answers it again! I should point out that when she apologizes, I don't think she's apologizing for her actions, but merely saying that she is sorry that I feel inconvenienced by her chatting. I suppose we just disagree with what proper cell phone ettiquette is.

I've seen many people on this board rant about people being rude while they are on their cell phone. Like people who don't acknowledge customer service people while they are making their purchase because they are yapping away. So, two parts:

Is my friend being rude when she answers and chats away no matter what situation we are in, or should I just deal with the fact that we are in an age of "cell phones" where people can be reached anywhere anytime?

What other cell phone things do other people do that is rude but deemed acceptable by most cell phone uses anyway?

[hawksgirl]

Two days ago I was riding the bus to school. I had to sit near the back, since I had my puppy and its easier to go out the back door for him. The girl next to me sounded like she was trying to make an appointment at the doctor or the health center. I specifically remember one sentence.

"Yes. I'm on oxyprogesterone*... right, for my menstrual cycle..." She just kept going on and giving her entire medical history... ON THE BUS!! WHERE EVERYONE CAN HEAR HER! Needless to say, that was more about a stranger than I wanted to know. Rude? Perhaps not. Awkward? Oh yeah.

*could be wrong, but I specifically remember hearing progesterone with some prefix on it.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

*could be wrong, but I specifically remember hearing progesterone with some prefix on it.
medroxyprogesterone.

[MrJackboots]

Not rude, but foolish. I was on BART one day when the guy across from me started... doing phone banking, I guess. I wasn't paying too much attention, but I noticed something like an account number, so I started writing things down. By the time he was done I had his address, SSN, and mother's maiden name.

The look on his face when I handed the note-sheet over to him was priceless. :D

[FairyChatMom]

Is my friend being rude when she answers and chats away no matter what situation we are in, or should I just deal with the fact that we are in an age of "cell phones" where people can be reached anywhere anytime?In my opinion, this is just as rude as if you were talking and someone came over, started talking to her, and both of them ignored you. If someone did this to me as you describe, I'd probably just leave. It doesn't sound as if you rate very high on her list of priorities. In fact, if you want to talk to her, maybe you should just call her cell??

[Annie-Xmas]

I had a temp once who literally talked non-stop on her cell for over four freaking hours one afternoon. If I gave her something to do, she told the person to hold on. She stayed on the phone while answering our office phone.

And that was the last afternoon she ever worked here.

[swampbear]

I had a temp once who literally talked non-stop on her cell for over four freaking hours one afternoon. If I gave her something to do, she told the person to hold on. She stayed on the phone while answering our office phone.

And that was the last afternoon she ever worked here.
:eek:

One of these days I just gotta stop bein' surprised about what people do at work that they think is ok.

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

Some of this isn't cell phone rudeness. It's just plain telephone rudeness. If my daughter calls while we're watching a movie, my wife will pause the movie and chat with our daughter for 10 or 20 minutes while I stare at the screen and wait (yes, I've learned to go do something else). Ditto if she calls during dinner.

[Rhiannon8404]

Some of this isn't cell phone rudeness. It's just plain telephone rudeness. If my daughter calls while we're watching a movie, my wife will pause the movie and chat with our daughter for 10 or 20 minutes while I stare at the screen and wait (yes, I've learned to go do something else). Ditto if she calls during dinner.
That is really rude! The only person I do this with is my 90 year old grandmother and Suburban Plankton understands. She's old and would get really upset if she thought she had interrupted dinner. Anyone else gets told we'll call them back.

[Cat Whisperer]

<snip>Is my friend being rude when she answers and chats away no matter what situation we are in, or should I just deal with the fact that we are in an age of "cell phones" where people can be reached anywhere anytime?
She is being rude. Like others have said, it's like her ignoring you to talk at length with another friend who stopped by your table (with you being omitted from the conversation). In my world, people who are face-to-face with me take precedence over people who are on the phone.

What other cell phone things do other people do that is rude but deemed acceptable by most cell phone uses anyway?
Talking loudly and about private things in public, especially in quiet places like movies and libraries.

[koeeoaddi]

Some über bejeweled, lizard skinned woman with a Borg phone shoved a paper in my face with a barely legible [incorrect] book title for me to find. After searching the computer and not finding it, we had this exchange:

Me: "pardon me..." [waiting a second for her to look at me] "I can't find the title in our system. Do you know the author's name, by any chance?"

Her: [steamed] shakes her head, tosses me a :rolleyes: and bellows into her phone "she's wasting my time, here." Then stalks away.

A co-worker caught another snatch of conversation as she was leaving the store: "Pretty? Whadaya mean pretty? She's a mudhen!"

I adore this woman! :D

[WhyNot]

Well, she's rude thrice-over actually.

Rude #1: having extended phone conversations while she's agreed to be socializing with you. A quick "hang on, let me check the number to see if it's my babysitter or intern" or an honestly 30 second convo to tell the partner where the file for the McDermott account is is not rude. But beyond that is rude.

Rude #2: apologizing for something she's not actually sorry for.

Rude #3: continuing the behavior and continuing to hang out with you while she's doing it. If you've told her it bugs you, she's indicated that she understands it bugs you, and she keeps on doing it? That's rude on top of the original rudeness. I mean, if my wearing green honestly bugged my friend and she told me that, it would be rude for me to wear green again when we next hang out. It's rude to not make small concessions to make my friends more comfortable, even if I don't agree that the offense is really offensive. Even if she doesn't think her behavior is rude, you do, and she knows it, so to keep on doing it is rude - she should hang it up when hanging out with you if no other time. (I don't know if this makes sense in writing, but it does in my head.)

[Omegaman]

I think it's equally rude not to answer the phone but let it ring , ring , ring until it goes to voice mail. I am not a violent person , but that crap puts me to the test every time it happens :mad:

[Noone Special]

I think it's equally rude not to answer the phone but let it ring , ring , ring until it goes to voice mail. I am not a violent person , but that crap puts me to the test every time it happens :mad:
I have yet to handle a cellphone that does not have a quick-function (say, extended pressing of the '#' button) that will send the phone into either vibrate or silent mode within 2 seconds flat of deteriming I don't want to answer the phone right now. Not to mention that if I probably won't be answering the phone short of the Pope or one of my kids calling, it's already on vibrate -- no more incessant ringing! People just need otlearn *how* to use their phones.

As to the OP, yes, extremely rude. Another rude thing people at my workplace do all the time is leave their phones, turned on, at their workstation while they go someplace. So what if it rings all over the place? It isn't bothering them! :rolleyes:

[mhendo]

Next time you're out and your friend does this, just get up and leave. Don't leave any money either. Just leave her sitting alone with her cellphone and the check.

She'll either learn to be more considerate, or you'll lose someone who doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway.

[StarvingButStrong]

Tomorrow's Boston Globe Magazine section has a mini-item about a woman trying to read a book while commuting who got annoyed by the guy sitting next to her talking loudly into his cell phone at length. She started reading her book out loud and after a while the cell phoner got the message and hung up.

I am soooo going to have to remember that one. :cool:

[Tastes of Chocolate]

If it happens again, get your friend's attention and say "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your phone call, we can talk later." and then leave. It gets the point across.

[jjimm]

I highly recommend the approach of this professor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7fWs-rGBzE) to cellphone shennanigens during his lecture.

[WhyNot]

I highly recommend the approach of this professor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7fWs-rGBzE) to cellphone shennanigens during his lecture.
Me too, but 10:1 he was forced to apologize to the student and reimburse him for the cell phone. :rolleyes:

[jjimm]

Me too, but 10:1 he was forced to apologize to the student and reimburse him for the cell phone. :rolleyes:It would have been worth it. And if it got to court, no jury in the land would have convicted him (provided they took time off from talking on their cellphones to listen to the defense counsel...).

[Annie-Xmas]

There is a thread right now over in Talking Broadway's All That Chat about cell phones (the bane of the theatre's existance), including this loverly post:

Was in the audience for WHEN PIGS FLY in Los Angeles when a woman's cellphone rang just as the Overture had started. The next thing we heard was, "Oh, don't worry. It's just the Overture. Nobody listens to that." My

partner reached over, took the phone out of her hand, put it on the floor in front of his seat, then stomped it with his foot.

He and the Overture received a rousing ovation that evening.

[Nava]

I think the OP's friend is very rude.

My SiL does the same. One reason we've stopped going to her house unless we've been specifically invited and we're sure there will be other people there is that she'll do this the whole time. She's a doctor: office rules at local hospitals and health centers state that on-duty personnel must switch off personal cells. She hates this, but really, if I was at the doctor and she interrupted my examination to yap to her friend about the freaking weather I'd make a ruckus that would be heard in the next province!

I once had an interviewer do this in the middle of an interview. Three times. I sent her supervisor an email about it. I realize theirs is the kind of placement company where job-seekers are seen as little more than beggars, but really!

[Carlyjay]

I had a boyfriend who did this. He answered the phone EVERY time it rang, even on dates. And I don't mean he'd answer it, then say "I'm busy, I'll call you back", I mean he answered it and had a full conversation every single time. I would often find myself sitting at dinner with him listening to conversations, or sitting in bars alone for half an hour at a stretch while he conducted his conversation outside "where he could hear".

I finally told him that I found this unsettling and sort of inconsiderate. He reacted with shock and annoyance. After all, why keep a cell phone if you can't ALWAYS answer it?

Sigh.

[Annie-Xmas]

There is a story (probably an urban legend) abut the woman who forgot to turn off her cell phone at a funeral and so of course it rang. Her ringtone supposedly was DING! DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD.

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

I have a different suggestion for next time this happens.

As your friend chats on her cellphone, take out your own phone and call her. If she's as oblivious as she seems, it probably won't be obvious to her that it's you, and she'll use her call-waiting to switch over to the call. When she answers say, "Hi! I figured this would be the best way to get to actually talk to you today!"

[pinkfreud]

In my experience, the winner of the "Rudest Cellphone User" goes to a woman who was talking on the phone while standing in line at a grocery store, waiting to check out. I pulled my cart up behind her, and she shooed me away with a gesture as if trying to get a pesky animal to leave. While making the shooing gesture, she said "Can't you see I'm on the phone? I need some privacy here."

This narcissistic nitwit thought she had the right to have a private checkout lane at the grocery so that she could gab on the phone without being overheard.

[Carl Corey]

pinkfreud, I had a similar experience in a coffee house once. A friend and I were talking. At the next table some self-important yahoo (we'll call him Bonzo)was yakking away on his cell phone. It was a business call, as far as I could tell. We were trying to ignore him, and continue our conversation. We were not being loud. In fact there were several people being louder than us.

Suddenly I'm being tapped on my back. I turn around and Bonzo is shushing me. He gave me the "I'm on the phone. Do you mind?" I was floored for a moment. But then I realized something. If this conversation was so important, I was missing out. So I decided to join in. I responded to every utterance he made, whether it actually fit the conversation or not. I started with some basic lines:

"Really?"

"You don't say?"

"I don't think that's right."

Bonzo gave me a nasty look, tried to shush me more, and continued with his call. So I stepped it up.

"BITCHIN'!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"You tell that bastard!"

At which point he realized that I was not going to give up, and left. It was a good thing for him, as my next line was going to be:

"Fer cryin' out loud, just tell him you slept with his wife already!"


Sad and Deranged, include me amongst the people who say this person is really rude and thoughtless.

[Harmonious Discord]

This has happened unfortunently.

Setup:
A gathering of family for Thanksgiving.
Eight cell phones laying around not on the owner's person.
All cell phones using music at full volume for a ringer.

Leads to:
Having the damn things go off during group games, dinner, and conversations.
Having crappy ringtones drown out everybody's voices until somebody gets to the cell phone.
Having multiple phones going off one after another.
Having a room full of people expected not to play the game or talk during a chat session.

Die uber cacophony of a ringtone extravaganza:
Over a period of half an hour, having to listen to concurrent cell phone ring tones going off all around you at full volume, while everybody is yelling to "Listen to this ringtone I've got."
Nobody listening to the others yelling listen.

Personal ramifications:
I have a super big headache.
My ears hurt from the volume of noise.
I have to leave the house, before I scream "Shut the fuck up!"
I withdraw to my room for the rest of the day.

My Christmas wish list:
A cellphone jammer.
A dog that does one trick. He grabs all cellphones in sight and flushs them down the toilet when nobody is watching. I know some dogs could be tought this trick.

[Harmonious Discord]

Movies are already banned from family get togethers at my house, because it happens so seldom that we get together. One or two movies you can watch at home and the day is done, and nobody's had interaction and up dates. I would love to stop the cell phone crap too.

[Li'l Pluck]

Carl Corey, that was priceless! It's been a less-than-stellar couple of days in my world, and I really needed that gutbuster. So thanks for being so BITCHIN, dude! :D

I wish I had the balls to do that kind of stuff, but I'm a lover (okay, in that parallel universe--but still!), not a fighter, and I prefer to keep my pretty face pretty. ;)

[drillrod]

I was once in a military briefing given by a General who prefaced his speech with "I will now give everyone 30 seconds to turn off their cell phones and pagers. If one goes off while I am speaking, I will consider it disrespect and I will give you an Article 15 (Non-Judicial Punishment) for it."

Must be nice.

[gigi]

Not rude, but foolish. I was on BART one day when the guy across from me started... doing phone banking, I guess. I wasn't paying too much attention, but I noticed something like an account number, so I started writing things down. By the time he was done I had his address, SSN, and mother's maiden name.

The look on his face when I handed the note-sheet over to him was priceless. :DHeh. I was on an airport shuttle bus with an old man in the back who literally repeated the combination to something TEN TIMES. Damn, if I only knew what he was referring to.

Speaking of which, I guess I understand a quick call when the plane lands to let your loved one know you didn't die in a fiery crash. But "We just landed! I'll call you when I get my bags!" might be overkill.

[Ellen Cherry]

You know what? They're just telephones. Yes, it's nice to be able to carry them around, but at the end of the day, it's just the phone. Why is it so important to talk to people? What can you possibly be saying that can't wait? I have no idea. But it's just a phone, people, not the answer to World Peace. Shut up.

Another example like those given above is the time we saw two gum-clacking teenages bopping through Wal-Mart. Two friends, ostensibly out on a shopping expedition together. There they marched, happily through the store, each having her own cell-phone conversation with someone else. Why bother seeing your friends? Just stay at home and call them! No, wait: one must be SEEN talking on the cell phone. :rolleyes:

I don't get it. Not one little bit.

[Carl Corey]

L'il Pluck,

That is actually very unusual for me. I'm generally not a confrontational person at all. But something within me just snapped at that moment.

[don't ask]

I carry my phone with me all the time. If I am in a meeting I turn it off. If someone comes to see me at my desk or I am helping someone at their desk, and it becomes apparent this will take a while. I turn it off. If I haven't turned it off and it rings while I am talking to another person/other people I usually look to see who is calling. At least 90% of the time I just put it back in my pocket and let them leave a message.

None of these attitudes rub off on my co-workers because none of them do any of those things. No matter the circumstances, if the phone rings they answer it.

[Defective Detective]

There are a lot of insecure and/or lonely people out there. When their phone rings, it may make them feel important, like somebody cares that they exist. It probably makes them feel even more important if they can be speaking with one person whilst having another one wait in queue. Poor souls.

Show them by example, though. I remember the first time this happened to me - I was in college, at a gf's room, having a conversation. The phone rang. And rang. And she ignored it completely. Blew me away. It made me feel very important. From that moment on, I never answer the phone when I'm talking with someone else in person.

[FatBaldGuy]

Speaking of which, I guess I understand a quick call when the plane lands to let your loved one know you didn't die in a fiery crash. But "We just landed! I'll call you when I get my bags!" might be overkill.If you're talking to the person waiting at the curb for you in a car, I don't see this as being overkill at all.

[Asimovian]

I just want to get an idea from the rest of you, because this comes up with me from time to time, and a friend of mine was discussing this very same issue with me this morning.

Personally, I almost always answer my cell phone, even if it's just to say I can't talk at the moment. 9 times out of 10, it's my wife calling me, and we don't tend to have lengthy phone conversations anyway. I find it difficult to just not answer when I know she's calling.

A lot of you have been talking about people being rude by engaging in conversation on the phone when you're with someone else. I just want to know if you feel as strongly about taking 10 seconds to tell find out what the person needs and then get back to them later. Is that the same thing in your minds?

And just to be absolutely clear, I'm asking in the interest of fighting my own ignorance. I've never asked someone before if they thought I was being rude, so I really want to know. Thanks.

[D_Odds]

Well, Asimovian, this old luddite feels that the cell phone should almost never interfere. But I was around 3 decades before cell phones, and remember what life was like before them.

[WhyNot]

Asimovian, as I said before, I'm not going to be offended by the occasional 10 second check-in for important people - your wife, your boss, your assistant or your babysitter would all qualify. Probably also your mother's cardiologist.

Note the "occasionally". Thrice in an hour is really starting to push it with me. Four times, and I'd not be nasty, but probably say something like, "Since your life is so crazy at the moment that your phone keeps ringing with important people, than maybe we should find a different time to hang out. You've obviously got a lot on your plate right now."

This is all null and void, of course, if you give me warning beforehand. If you call and invite me to lunch and say, "Look, my mom's in the hospital and my kid's got the sniffles and is with the babysitter and my assistant is going loopy this week, but I really need to get out of the office for an hour. Want to go to lunch?" Then I'll probably say yes and be much more understanding when your phone sounds like a reception desk.

[The Chao Goes Mu]

Asimovian, I wouldn't always consider it rude if you answered to inform the caller that you will have to call them back. However, if you and I were at a business lunch or engaged in important conversation, yeah, I'd be pissed. There is a reason for voicemail.

My partner and I differ on cell phone usage and when it's impolite. FTR, we are 8 years apart in age. If she and I are watching a movie I will either not answer mine or answer to tell the person I will call them back. She will answer and have a friggin' meaningless conversation with the caller while I have to wait . Sometimes this is half an hour. If we watched movies alot maybe this wouldn't seem so bad but we rarely if ever have alone time so it pisses me off if we decide to watch a flick and she wants to yap on the phone.

I also find it rude, that when you are engaged in an "important" discussion, to answer your cell phone while making the other person wait. I could start a pit thread about that. One thing I will never do, if any of my friends, or my partner and I are talking, say a friend is upset and needs a shoulder, I would never cut them off to answer my friggin' phone. It's rude beyond belief. My partner, on the other hand, will answer her phone. Grrr.

[Sad and Deranged]

Thank you for all your responses. See, I knew it was inappropriate to do what my friend does, but she does it so often that and so unapologetically, that I had just the slightest bit of doubt on it being inconsiderate. I thought maybe, just maybe, I was blowing it out of proportion. Like I mentioned before, I don't get a lot of calls, when I do get them, I either keep it brief if it's important (another friend and I have made plans for the next day and she's calling for a quick confirmation) or don't answer (my parents calling me to check up on me :rolleyes: ). Said friend in my OP will answer the phone under the guise of making/confirming quickly on plans with another friend, but then continue to have a conversation with him/her. I'm thinking about sending my friend a link to this thread, but I'm not sure how she'll take it.

[mhendo]

I'm thinking about sending my friend a link to this thread, but I'm not sure how she'll take it.[Homer Simpson voice]

SEND THE LINK! SEND THE LINK!

[/HSv]

Seriously, if you don't want to tell her to her face that she's rude and that you're not going to stand for it anymore (which is what i think you should do), then why not link her to this thread? At least then she might realize that it's her that's being an ass, and that your feelings are shared by quite a few people.