Come again? (Things you've misheard) [Archive]

Mindfield

10-23-2006, 09:50 PM

I'm sure we've all done it. Someone says something, or the radio or television is going and we're barely paying attention, when passes a phrase that you thought you heard differently, and sounded absolutely wrong in context, possibly with amusing or embarassing results.

As an example, as I was responding to a thread while the TV was going about its business in the background when a public service ad for the prevention of meningococcal meningitis came on. Except when the female voiceover said "meningococcal meningitis" I heard "Ninja cockle meningitis." Ninja cockles! With meningitis! I have no idea what that is but it sounds painful.

So fess up. What haven't you heard properly lately?

HazelNutCoffee

10-23-2006, 10:57 PM

Oh God. I was telling a friend about how some guy at the bar had been groping me under the table, and she said something like, "Whatever happened to holding hands?" My response: "What the fuck is "the Holy Hand"? Is that what they call it nowadays?"

It's become our euphemism for... well, you get the picture.

freckafree

10-24-2006, 07:59 AM

This anecdote has become firmly ensconced in family lore.

When my sister had a job as a hotel switchboard operator, someone phoned in a bomb threat. After notifying the police, she went to a member of the custodial staff and said to him, rather quietly, "We've recieved a phone call saying there is a bomb in the stairwell. We need to move people out of the building without causing a panic."

The man, who was evidently hard of hearing, responded rather loudly, "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? THERE'S A BOBCAT IN THE STAIRWELL??? I"VE NEVER HEARD OF A BOBCAT GETTING INTO A STAIRWELL!"

Now, when one of us garbles something that we've misheard, the correct response is, "Bobcat in the stairwell."

drillrod

10-24-2006, 08:12 AM

I don't remember what I was doing one day my wife said to me "Hey Loverboy"

For some reason I heard "Hey BlubberButt"

To which, of course, the only reasonable response was "Yes Lard Ass?"

I had some 'splaining to do, but it's become a joke now.

Nava

10-24-2006, 08:34 AM

This is sort of the opposite...

My brother and another guy had to bring a water pump to a construction site. In Spanish, the words for pump and bomb are the same and we live in an area with terrorist activity. Also, we put adjectives behind names, so our construction would be "pump for water" and not "water pump".

They got stopped by police at a routine checkup point. One cop stands a bit far, hand over the little curved bar that protects the trigger of his semi; the other one asks the driver what are they carrying.

Driver: "Ah, I'm going to say it kind of funny, ok? It's for water. A pump for water. For. Water. OK?"

Cop: "water out of the ground kind, uh?"

Driver: "yessir"

That's one misunderstanding we're very happy got safely avoided.

eleanorigby

10-24-2006, 08:39 AM

This was a few years ago, when my youngest was 3.

My older son(then 9) asked me is we were going to have Alfredo noodles for dinner. The preschooler looked at his brother and said, "Rob, you afraid of noodles?"

Of course it's called Afraida Noodles around here now. :)

Mangetout

10-24-2006, 08:46 AM

The father of one of my friends was telling me about the time he saw a car pull up alongside a pedestrian, who was beckoned to the window whereupon he leaned down to look in and a FISH flew from the window, striking him in the face and knocking him to the ground.

I was just about to ask [i]'What do you mean? What kind of fish?", when it dawned on me that the word in question was actually 'fist'.

Otto

10-24-2006, 08:46 AM

There's some ad for XM, I think, with a girl singer whose lyric is "If I kiss you." I hear it as "fuck is you" every time.

Caricci

10-24-2006, 08:48 AM

We live in Rhode Island, among lots of Portuguese people and the Portuguese words for Grandma and Grandpa kind of tickle my husband and me - in a good way. So, we thought we'd start referring to my mom as Avó, which our local Portuguese friends pronounce "Va-Vaw".

Well, anyway, my mom comes walking up to us and my husband says "oh, here comes Avó!" My mom was all insulted that he called her "the whore".

Mooch

10-24-2006, 10:14 AM

When I was little there were commercials for a chocolate chip cookie from Nabisco. The commercial always ended with someone singing "Nabisco *DING*".

It took my mom weeks to figure out why in the hell I kept asking for the disco cookies.

WhyNot

10-24-2006, 10:27 AM

My goddaughter is named Teaghan (pronounced "Tee-gan") and has always been a sweet, but very reserved little girl. Imagine her mother's surprise to hear disco music playing and peek in the room to see her little sweetie dancing around like a madwoman, arms wide, spinning around and around and singing along at the top of her lungs:
See that girl
watch that scene!
Teaghan the dancing queen!

:D

We've never told her the real lyrics, because she is our little Dancing Queen. To this day the song makes me smile, and I hear it as "Teaghan".

ArrMatey!

10-24-2006, 10:29 AM

"Ninja cockle meningitis." Ninja cockles! With meningitis! I have no idea what that is but it sounds painful.

I want you to know that 'Ninja Cockle Meningitis' will be my phrase of the day! :p

js_africanus

10-24-2006, 10:44 AM

I was at the campus coffee shop at the U of O, and I said to one of the employees, "What's happening."

"Oh, I'm registered tail."

"...um...what?!"

"I'm on register detail."

"That's not what I thought you said."

:D

Mama Zappa

10-24-2006, 11:32 AM

A few months back, I heard Moon Unit (9 year old daughter) ask Typo Knig why people had sex on their honeymoons. :eek: :::blush:::

When I questioned him a few minutes later, he explained that I'd misheard - my daughter had actually asked "why do people have second and third honeymoons?".

My spouse's answer, "Because they can!", actually worked well with either interpretation :D

Mindfield

10-24-2006, 01:08 PM

I want you to know that 'Ninja Cockle Meningitis' will be my phrase of the day! :p

Y'know, that would have made a much better ad than what was actually on.

"Ninja Cockle Meningitis. It strikes without warning. It is almost impossible to detect, even harder to kill, and is usually fatal. If you are experiencing swelling or discomfort in your cockles, consult your doctor immediately."

Bet House never treated this one before.

tdn

10-24-2006, 01:21 PM

My ex-GF and I decided to get naked and hug.

XGF: Mmm, nunski nunski!

Me: Yeah! Um, what?

XGF: What what?

Me: Did you say "nunski nunski"?

XGF: Huh? No.

Me: What did you say?

XGF: I said "Mmm, skin on skin."

From that point on, if we were feeling randy, we'd engage in a little nunski nunski.

Dung Beetle

10-24-2006, 01:35 PM

This is more of a story about something I heard correctly, but who cares, right?

An acquaintance was telling me about a friend of his who "had a problem with peels."

I looked at him as if he were crazy, and inquired, "Facial peels? Banana peels?"

He looked at me as if I were crazy, and said, "Naw! Perscription peels!"

zoid

10-24-2006, 01:57 PM

This is so stupid……

When I was young there was an organization called RIF – Reading Is Fundamental.

Whenever they had an ad on Saturday morning I head it as “reading is fun to mentals”.
I was kind of surprised that they would refer to mentally handicapped people in that way, and it didn’t seem like a ringing endorsement for reading either.

zelie zelerton

10-24-2006, 02:06 PM

I've always loved that classic song about the casually dressed priest, 'Reverend Blue Jeans' :)

js_africanus

10-24-2006, 02:17 PM

I've always loved that classic song about the casually dressed priest, 'Reverend Blue Jeans' :)
My sister thought The Who had a song called "Blue Water," and I thought the Thompson Twins had a song about a long white dog.

Beware of Doug

10-24-2006, 02:19 PM

TV in next room: "Police suspect foul play in the death of a store clerk."
Me: "Police suspect Bob & Ray (http://bobandray.com/) in the death of a store clerk?!"

Kevbo

10-24-2006, 02:22 PM

Kevbabe wanted me to stop at the craftstore when we were out because they were having a sale on urine.

"Urine?"

"Yarn"

Hockey Monkey

10-24-2006, 03:44 PM

My sister thought The Who had a song called "Blue Water," and I thought the Thompson Twins had a song about a long white dog.

I thought Jimmy Buffett blew out a flip-flop and stepped on a PopTart. :smack:

Guy Incognito

10-24-2006, 04:04 PM

I had just bought some fresh donuts from the donut shop and my wife and I had just sat down to eat them while reading the Sunday paper. I noticed that my glazed donut had gotten a blue sprinkle on it from another donut in the display window. I said something like "Huh. A blue sprinkle." and continued eating my donut. My wife looked across the table at me and said "Did you just say "douche wrinkle"?".

I just about aspirated that bite of donut in my mouth. Now we call each other "douche wrinkle" as a funny put down. Good times...

Hal Briston

10-24-2006, 04:14 PM

Mmmmm....bacon-filled cake (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=315108).

yellowval

10-24-2006, 04:18 PM

One evening my husband needed to run somewhere and asked if he could take my car. I replied, "Go ahead." I heard him leave, then come back a couple of seconds later. He hollered, "Did you just call me 'goat head'?"

pinkfreud

10-24-2006, 04:20 PM

Quite a few years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit. The only thing that kept my mind alive was listening to the television. I thought I heard a TV news announcer say "Next, the future of ileostomy." Since I had undergone ileostomy surgery, I was very interested. It turned out to be a tennis-related story, "The future of Ilie Nastase."

Sonia Montdore

10-24-2006, 04:42 PM

My colleague Bob and I were chatting. He asked, "Who's going to be running the XYZ project?"

I said, "It's me."

He said, "That's not good grammar. You should say 'It's I.'"

I said, "Bob, don't be a prig." He thought I called him "a prick" and didn't talk to me for a week.

AskNott

10-24-2006, 04:46 PM

I was in another room the first couple times I heard an ad for a mix-it-yourself diet soft drink. Various happy women are dancing around holding bottles of flavored water to the new lyrics of an old disco song. "Shake, shake, shake. Shake your bottle."

From the other room, I was surprised to hear somebody on network TV singing, "Shake your butthole." :smack:

gigi

10-24-2006, 04:52 PM

I thought Jimmy Buffett blew out a flip-flop and stepped on a PopTart. :smack:
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
But I know, it's my own Grandpa.

My goddaughter is named Teaghan (pronounced "Tee-gan") and has always been a sweet, but very reserved little girl. Imagine her mother's surprise to hear disco music playing and peek in the room to see her little sweetie dancing around like a madwoman, arms wide, spinning around and around and singing along at the top of her lungs:

See that girl
watch that scene!
Teaghan the dancing queen! Oh my gosh that's cute.

mack

10-24-2006, 04:54 PM

Hampshire

10-24-2006, 05:03 PM

I was at a Barnes & Noble looking for a kids book in the kids section when a toddler happened to come down the aisle I was in.
He would walk a few feet, pick up a book off the shelf, and announce

"Nah but dat don!"

put the book back on the shelf, walk a few more feet, pick up another book, and announce

"Nah but dat don!"

He did this about 5 times working his way down my aisle. I just stood their trying to figure out what the little kid was saying.

Then his mother came around the corner and found him wandering down the aisle with a book in his hand and abruptly told him

"Now put that down!" :D

gigi

10-24-2006, 05:06 PM

Mmmmm....bacon-filled cake (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=315108).Jon Stewart featured these (http://mitchieville.blogspot.com/2006/10/jimmy-dean-chocolate-chip-pancakes.html) on The Daily Show. Can bacon-filled cake be far behind?

gigi

10-24-2006, 05:08 PM

Freudian Push Up Bra

10-25-2006, 03:29 AM

Mum and I mishear each other all the time but my naive godfather takes the bacon-filled cheesecake:

He always thought that the song "Nights in White Satin" was some sort of weird KKK song about Knights in white satin.

Nava

10-25-2006, 03:46 AM

One day I found myself in Aberaeron, Wales, knocking on the door of a bed and breakfast. Knowing that some Welsh people still spoke Welsh, I braced myself for an unfamiliar greeting.

The door opened and a boy said something incomprehensible to me. I assumed that was because he spoke in Welsh.

"Can you please speak English?" I asked.

"I AM speaking English".

About a year ago, my boss sent me to our factory in Bahgham because the production manager there couldn't make heads nor tails of the new software. After finding out that he meant Birmimgham (hey, I'd seen it in writing, never actually heard the word) I hopped on a couple planes, got there, found out the poor production manager hadn't used a computer in his life until two months before and set out to explain all that "background stuff" that nobody had explained to the poor guy (like, "how to put a shortcut on your desktop" and "how to open several files in excel at the same time").

While I was there, sconced in a corner table waiting for lunch to arrive, one of the workers came by and said something in the kind of accent you can cut with a knife.

... *noise of brainwheels*

...

...

OK, no. My brain couldn't decipher a single word. So I said "I'm sorry..." and he said, still with a very thick accent, something I was able to decipher as "oh, you're American! Waitaminute". Guy closes his eyes for a second, takes a deep breath, opens his eyes and repeats his initial question in a lversion of English I understood perfectly. I never got to find out whether he had actoral training or simply was good imitating accents, wish I was that good understanding them!

(And no, I'm not American, but apparently I fake it well)

js_africanus

10-25-2006, 07:38 AM

He always thought that the song "Nights in White Satin" was some sort of weird KKK song about Knights in white satin.
Shouldn't that be "Knights and White Satan"?

Hypno-Toad

10-25-2006, 08:23 AM

He always thought that the song "Nights in White Satin" was some sort of weird KKK song about Knights in white satin.

My mom thought that the song, "Dancing in the Sheets" was about the KKK. She never felt that listening to the lyrics was necessary to know the contents of a song.

A coworker was having a busy day when he said, "And I have to get this all done before my appointment with Kathy Morgan." But I thought he'd said "Captain Morgan." Considering his love of rum, I didn't think twice about it.

Beware of Doug

10-25-2006, 09:20 AM

No doubt he's meeting the Captain at McGinty's (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_163.html), there to purchase a few lottery tickets as well.

Batsinma Belfry

10-25-2006, 01:42 PM

We were screening our calls when the phone rang. My husband looked at the caller ID and said "It's Lula Belle". I said "Who the hell is Lula Belle?" After he was finished cracking up, he said, "I said it was unavailable."
Now whenever the caller ID read "unavailable", we always say it's Lula Belle calling.

badbadrubberpiggy

10-25-2006, 02:04 PM

(Paraphrased, b/c I wasn't there, but it's close to what was said. My parents were stuck on a plane that had been sitting on the runway for awhile)

Mom: What are you doing, Dave?

Dad: Reading the paper.

Mom: Did you just call me a dirty whore?!

I love my mom.

OneCentStamp

10-25-2006, 02:18 PM

My son goes to church with his mom. One Sunday when he was five, he apparently learned about baptism. He told me that he didn't want to get baptized. I asked him why, expecting maybe the begninnings of freethinking in the young tot. He said he was scared to. I asked him why. He told me that in Sunday School, his teacher was telling them about baptism and told him that when a person got baptized, all their skins were washed away.

:D :p