I'm not his fucking mother!!

[Stormi]

yep, my first post in the pit, and yes, I do have PMS, so take that into consideration here...

What is it with some men, who cannot seem to do anything for themselves ?
Why does my husband ask me for things of his, asks me where it is, how the hell am I suppose to know - I don't use it. Find it yourself.

Yes, I got myself a glass of water. Sorry I didn't ask you if you wanted something from the kitchen...shoot me.
After all day of doing for others ( kids ) I forgot to ask what I could do for you too.

What's with the garbage? Is it that hard to take out??
Why wait until it is overflowing to do something about it? Think if it sits long enough, the wife will take it out?
Thank YOU!

Can I make you a lunch, iron your shirt? Why, of course, I am here to please you.. wait on you hand and foot, I am your servant. I do not evpect anyone to make my lunch, iron my clothes, I am a big girl, an adult, I can do shit myself.
I don't expect anyone else to do it for me.

Yes, my husband is spoiled rotten, he knows it. I'm tired of it. It's my fault. How can I stop this, just suddenly stop doing things for him??

Many times I do remind him that his mother didn't show up today, he will have to do for himself... ouch, that hurts.

Yep, I'm bitchy, I'm pms'ing, and I've had a few beers, ahh I am feeling better already.

Someone get me some midol?

[Fairy Princess Kitty]

*hands stormi midol and a glass of water*

Hey join the club, but I still live with my parents, to them children = free slave labor. yes, I understand chores and bringing home good grades and all that stuff but having to run from the back of the back yard to the kitchen to the front yard because daddy wants a beer is not a good thing! Why do I have to get it? Yeah, dad, I enjoyed doing this... when I was 5!!! Alright I'll go cool off now.

Kitty

[cornflakes]

Now, how stupid would a guy have to be to reply to this???

What is it with some men, who cannot seem to do anything for themselves ?
Why does my husband ask me for things of his, asks me where it is, how the hell am I suppose to know - I don't use it. Find it yourself.
I do this. I do it because, if my stuff isn't where it should be, it's probably messing up the house and pissing off my wife in the process. She doesn't mind (at least I don't think she does), especially since it solves both of our problems.

Yes, I got myself a glass of water. Sorry I didn't ask you if you wanted something from the kitchen...shoot me.
BAM!!!

No, shoot him, another problem solved. :D

After all day of doing for others ( kids ) I forgot to ask what I could do for you too.
Next time, just walk into the house and mention whatever *woman's problem* is bothering you.* Better yet, make one up. I promise you, you will not have to talk to him for the rest of the night.

*...and in saying this, I realize how far I have stepped over the edge. Uh, just forget I said it... and forget that I could have deleted it in a preview. Anyway, just forget it....
What's with the garbage? Is it that hard to take out??
Why wait until it is overflowing to do something about it? Think if it sits long enough, the wife will take it out?
Thank YOU!
Y'know, my wife and I have the same problem. I think it's because we my wife thinks the trash is full when she can't push the flap down. It's really full when you can't take the cover off and pack anything else in.

Yes, my husband is spoiled rotten, he knows it. I'm tired of it. It's my fault. How can I stop this, just suddenly stop doing things for him??
Yep, but don't tell him I said so.

Many times I do remind him that his mother didn't show up today, he will have to do for himself... ouch, that hurts.

Yep, I'm bitchy, I'm pms'ing, and I've had a few beers, ahh I am feeling better already.

Someone get me some midol?
Oh, get it yourself! (ducks and runs)

[Geek Mecha]

You're a brave man, cornflakes. I'll make sure you get a decent burial. :D

[FairyChatMom]

I've got kinda, sorta an opposite problem - my husband is CONSTANTLY cleaning up - unfortunately, to him, cleaning means he puts piles of stuff where he can't see it. Nothing like digging thru the bottom of the hutch looking for bills... and HE'S the one who will go make himself a drink or a dish of ice cream without asking if I'd like some. And our dog sheds, but will HE get out the vacuum? naah - he'll drag his foot across the rug and make a little pile of dog hair... and LEAVE it there...
He's not spoiled, he just makes me crazy... At least he's stopped asking me to make meals that his mother used to make...

[Spider Woman]

Did his mother wait on him too?

I don't know how to stop it once it's well established, without causing WWIII. Unless maybe you could just "forget." ["Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, guess you'll have to get it yourself."]

I like waiting on my s.o. occasionally, and he returns the favor. But it wouldn't be fun if either of us expected it from the other.

Hope you feel better this morning.

-----:)
---////\\\\

[Scarlett67]

As I've mentioned elsewhere, (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=39550) Mr. Scarlett is pretty good about sharing responsibilities around the house (irons his own clothes, for example; we wait on each other about equally and both say please and thank you), but he does have his "typical male" moments:

"Where are the widgets?" I show him the cupboard where we've kept the widgets for the last four years. Yes, dear, the uterus is a tracking device. (the only gag of Roseanne's I've ever liked)

I'm cooking and I ask him to get the eye of newt out of the fridge for me. He can't find it. I tell him it's probably on the top shelf. He still can't find it. I go and look. It's on the top shelf, behind a jar of toe of frog. I give him The Look. :rolleyes: He says, "I didn't know it was behind something." Grrr.

[BoBettie]

My husband relies on my uterine tracking device, too. "Where's the screwdriver? Where's the scotch tape?", etc. We have places for all of these things. Lately I've been saying "Where have you looked?" before helping. After I took a stand about the very same issues, he's gotten a lot better. Every night for the past two weeks at dinner he's said to me "Thanks a lot for making me dinner" in a very sincere way. He's also thanked me for cleaning up stuff and doing laundery.

We do a "fifteen minute cleanup". Here is the trick. Pick up all of your stuff that's laying around. Announce that it's "pick up" time. As he starts picking up, he'll realize that it's only HIS stuff that's laying around, not yours. Eventually he gets the point, and if he doesn't, at least he's cleaning up after himself.

I was having major problems getting things checked off of his "to do" list. I was forced to make a list after he just was getting NO house chores done. Every Sunday is "bonus blowjob" Sunday. If he checks off just ONE THING on his list, he gets a bonus blowjob (meaning guarenteed) that Sunday. (He only does chores on the weekend). It's working great, but it does seem sad that no amount of convincing, begging or crying worked. Blowjobs seem to be the key around these parts.

Anyway, retraining is possible, but don't take out your frustration at his spoiled status on him- especially because YOU spoiled him. (I did the same thing) Just take it one thing at a time and you can retrain.

Oh, and I think it's rude for EITHER person to go to get a drink without asking if the other person wants anything, but that's just me.

Zette

[Stella*Fantasia]

Growly growl!!! I too have PMS & a boyfriend who seems to think that I am artificial Mom-flavored substitute.

The MOST IRRITATING thing he does it ask me to PACK HIS LUNCH. I personally began packing my own lunch when I was seven years old, & have not yet died of starvation or even had ricketts. Why can't HE do it? Why is this MY job? This just pisses me off unbelievably. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!

He can't find ANYTHING unless it's right in front of his goddamn face. The flip side of this is that he never ever puts anything away since, if he does, he will never be able to find it again. When I put stuff away so our house does not look like a crackhouse, he accuses me of "hiding" his stuff. (Please don't anybody jump down my throat about this, but he is quite dyslexic and I have wondered if his difficulty in finding thing si ssomehow related...anybody have any info on this?)

And GOD FORBID I should ever get myself anything to eat or drink without asking him if he wants some. Why must I be the one to offer? Why can't he ASK ME if he wants something? My mind-reading skills are simply NOT what they used to be, & it would be really great if he could help me out with this one.

Also irritating: what a baby he is when he's sick. My dad's a doctor, so I grew up with a very clinical, matter-of-fact approach to illness. You don't lounge in bed & have someone fluff your pillows, you take your medicine & get on with your life. (N.B. if you refuse to take any medication, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOU WHINING!! I don't CARE if you are Southern Californian & think that "Western medicine" is insufficiently life-affirming or whatever.)

I really don't mind that I do all the cleaning & most of the cooking, since my job is less stressful than his & he's in grad school. & I know that his mom did NOT do those kinds of "mom things" for him when he was a kid, so maybe he's trying to make up for lost time or something. But I would sure appreciate less whining!!

God it feels good to vent. Now if Fairy Princess Kitty could only send some of that Midol my way...

[Stormi]

Well, I am glad to see that I am not alone here.

Cornflakes - could you please meet me in the alley on 67th and Broadway... I just have a few words.... :p

Zette - I am sure Sunday blowjob rewards would go over real well here, make 'em earn it !!

Scarlette - love the Roseanne line - my uterus is a tracking device too ! I also loved her line about cheetos -
like he can't lift up the sofa cushion and get them himself !!


I guess I just get moody, or feel overworked sometimes.
What's frustrating is like asking me if we have any ketchup - before even opening the fridge to look... I mean, come on, does he think I keep an inventory in my head of all the condiments?!!
And his wallet... I do not know where it is, I do not use it. Why should I be expected to find it?
Getting a drink from the kitchen - yes, I will sometimes ask him if he wants something, and he will do the same, but there are times when I am not in the mood to do for others, because I have spent all day doing that, I just want my glass of water!!
Don't get me wrong - I DO do alot for this man - he gets breakfast in bed occasionally ( when I'm in a goooood mood ) - and I fold his underwear for goodness sakes. Just don't get pissed when I feel like I don't feel like waiting on you dear!

I guess I should be more thankful ( midol kicking in now?)
I have a husband who works his butt off for the family,has given the kids and I a wonderful home and life.

Better go - got to take the garbage out.

[Maeglin]

Am I the only guy who does most of the chores for his woman? Sure, she doesn't sound nearly as bad as some of your husbands, but I still do most of the work. If the cats have an accident, I usually clean it up. It's me scrubbing the toilet every Saturday. I put the dirty dishes that she leaves around the house away.

She does do chores and such, but I just feel like I do a lot more of them. Any suggestions from the womenfolk about this one?

MR

[Unauthorized Cinnamon]

Amen sister!

My husband and I both work full time, so clearly it is only fair that we do equal amounts of housework. I must say he does the laundry every week, and it is great to just open my drawer and have plenty of clean underwear - it's like magic! He also mows the lawn, but not quite as consistently.

Technically, he is supposed to clean our bathroom, too. He sure does - every 4 months whether it needs it or not! This is the main problem with most men - they are dirt-blind. What is horrifically dirty to a wife is not even noticeable to the husband.

Also, I make dinner and do the dishes, while he sits on the couch watching TV - he always complains that I never bring him a drink with his dinner. Gee, couldn't you drag your ass into the kitchen for two minutes and get yourself a drink?

I think I might try the Bonus Blowjob system - I bet it works great.

BTW, my favorite Roseanne line is, "My husband said I should be more aggressive in bed, so last night he reached for me and I said, 'NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'"

[hflathead]

Quote: Sunday is "bonus blowjob" Sunday.

You mean to tell me that this guy only does ONE thing on the list and he gets a BONUS BJ??!!??! A WEEK??? And bonus typically means "in addition to the regular"!!!
I mean he has the ability to get more than 4 blowjobs a YEAR!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHRRRGGGGGG.

I'm gonna start holding out for at least a blow job for every oil change I do. hmmm. Her van, 4 months or 4,000 mi. Add her motorcycle and that comes out to- Wahooo!! 6!! Yup 6 blowjobs a year! Man I'm gonna enjoy this!

Hey Zette, got any extra jobs to do?

later, Tom

[stofsky]

I have a question for the ladies: why is it only housework that counts? Many of us spend a good portion of our weekend morning pushing an 80 lb. lawnmower over a space larger than the square footage of the carpeting, and then follow up with walking around the perimeters of the house, trees, swingset, mailbox, driveway, and sidewalks with a 30 lb. edger. Every other day we walk around with a 10 lb. bag of fire-ant killer hunting for the signs of a new colony. Yet when we come back in the house, grass- and sweat-covered, having cleaned the garage, washed the pine pollen and sap off the cars, and repainted the doghouse, we are asked why we haven't defrosted and cleaned the freezer, vacuumed, folded our underwear, cleaned up your cat's hairballs and litterbox, toothbrushed the grout in the shower, done your french braid, and gone to the store to replenish your supply of chocolate and maxi-pads.

Excuse me. I'm dirty, I'm sweaty, and you're bitching that I haven't done enough? Why doesn't work outside the house count as helping with the household? I do the laundry, you fold it. I cook--within your diet-of-the-week, none of which include flavor, I might add--you do the dishes. I take care of the outside, you expect me to do 50% of the inside too..... OK, maybe this one's directed at my wife, who thankfully doesn't read this board. But maybe there's a valid point or two somewhere in here that could be answered.

[lee]

I got so sick oh my husband asking me where things were i developed a standard response: "It is in my cunt."

I did not mind it when i kept the house, but since he took over the housekeeping, it began to piss me off. He is the one that puts 99% of things away, he is the one that hides it, so why ask me where it is? He obviously thinks i am hiding what ever it is. (Just to spice things up, i do hide some things on him, but never in the place i tell him.) So i tell him it is in my built in hiding place, my cunt. I was dropped off at home once and he asked where my car was so i told him that too was in my cunt. Responses like this lead to the the song, "The whole world is in her cunt!"

My hubby does wait on me a lot and really seems to enjoy it. I know i enjoy it and do my best to make it worthwhile and let him know i appreciate it.

[Pucette]

/hijack

Ummmm... Were you hoping I wasn't going to read this particular thread? >:( At least you had the decency to mention the fact that yes, I do do chores. Though not as often as you do, because you are really anal about chores. And I clean up cat puke as often as you do.

So I have some advice for you: move out!

/end hijack

[BiblioCat]

What is it with men and finding stuff?
My husband will ask, "Where is such-and-such?"
I can answer, "In the hall closet, third shelf, on the right...you might have to MOVE something to find it." He still can't find it; I find him with the closet door open, just standing there, waiting for whatever he was looking for to jump out at him. This despite the fact that we've lived here for 7 years, and all the stuff is in the same place it's been for 7 years.
I love when he goes to do the checkbook and pay bills. He ALWAYS asks where the bills are for this month. I always answer, "They're in the den, on the desk, in the in-box labeled 'Bills', right where they ALWAYS are, every freaking month."

I even have an organizer in the kitchen junk drawer. I always know where stuff is..unless he's taken it and not put it back. I put up one of those pegboards in the garage for tools. Are they ever where they should be? Only if I have recently straightened them up, they are.

Being sick....my hubby will complain about being sick or having a headache. Moaning and groaning, telling me how bad he feels. TAKE A FREAKING ASPIRIN OR SOME TRIAMINIC AND GO TO BED, IDIOT!!! As Stella*Fantasia said, you take your medicine and get on with your life. How hard it that to understand? Oh, yeah, he can't FIND the aspirin or Triaminic. It's in the hall closet, second shelf, on the left side, right where the medicine has been for 7 freaking years!

Laundry. I swear my hubby thinks we have laundry fairies who will come in and pick up dirty clothes from wherever they may be, wash it, fold it, and magically it reappears in his drawers and closet. When I ask him to put the dirty stuff in the hamper, he takes it to the hamper and lays it on top. How lazy is that? You got it TO the hamper, all you have to do is open the lid and drop it in.

In Mr. Kinsey's defense, he does do nearly all the yardwork, all the car maintenance, and is quite handy at home repairs and remodeling. When he can find his tools, that is....

[Stella*Fantasia]

Hey stofsky, it isn't just housework that counts, at least not for me. I am the designated lawn mower at my house. I also change his oil. (Fortunately, we live in a fire ant-free area.) So much for the standard division of labor...

[kjorsty]

for a better model. lived with a guy for approximately 5 years. tried every which way to convince him that it would be to our advantage if he helped out around the house. i even converted a large storage/bookshelf into a place to keep clothing because it was too difficult for him to put his clothes in drawers. logic didn't work, sex, nagging, anger, passivity...none of it worked. we decided it would be best if we took our separate ways. (obviously there was more going on....but his no work all play power trip was a big part of it)

my new model comes with a few special features: dishwashing, laundry, taking out the garbage, and an organization feature. oh, and did i mention it cooks! and, he tells me how wonderful i am regardless of my mood swings, which significantly improves my mood swings.

i would rant about my ex, but he's not worth it.

i DO ask my s.o. where my stuff is sometimes because i have a habit of forgetting where i put things, and my hope is that he just may have seen whatever it is lying about. however, i don't expect him to know, it's just a part of my search and rescue technique. and, i always feel guilty because i'm the messy one, but i try not to be.

[BoBettie]

You mean to tell me that this guy only does ONE thing on the list and he gets a BONUS BJ??!!??! A WEEK???

EXACTLY why this works.

Grog husband brain: "One chore- blowjob. No chore, no blowjob. Grunt. Do chore"

Zette brain "He finally hung up the house number I bought three years ago! If I'd only known!"

Things are going good now!
I don't expect him to do regular chores, as he has a very demanding job and I don't. In fact, I work part time (health reasons) so I do all errands, etc. Sometimes when I get really overwhelmed I say "Honey- tomorrow you'll have to get your own dinner. I'm taking the day off", then I do. I go someplace else, relax and regroup. This keeps me from strangling him for asking "Do we have a wine glass?" or other stupid stuff.

why is it only housework that counts? Many of us spend a good portion of our weekend morning pushing an 80 lb. lawnmower..
At MY house, I do all lawn maintainence. I also arrange for snow removal, so my husband can't use this bit. My husband spends a good portion of HIS weekend on his motorcycle or playing guitar. He never used to "find the time" to do any of his jobs.

I love him, and now I know. The way to a mans chore list is Bonus Blowjob Sunday. It's an absolute guarentee. That list is getting shorter every week, I can tell you that much!

Zette
The Negotiator

[Stuffy]

preparing to run like hell

I know why us guys have to ask you where our stuff is, you can't leave it where we left it.

And really how hard can it be to say "honey, would you like a drink as I happen to be right here in the kitchen"

And speaking of tracking devices, how the hell can you tell where Ive been and with who from this wedding band? :confused:

[Maeglin]

Notes to self:

If you simply must put your foot in your mouth, don't step in shit first.
Nice people don't disparrage their SOs in public.
Smart people don't do it when they might be watching.
Decent people talk their gripes over before airing them in public.


Looks like I'm batting 1.000 today.

[Scarlett67]

Originally posted by stofsky
I have a question for the ladies: why is it only housework that counts? Many of us spend a good portion of our weekend morning . . .

Excuse me. I'm dirty, I'm sweaty, and you're bitching that I haven't done enough? Why doesn't work outside the house count as helping with the household? I do the laundry, you fold it. I cook--within your diet-of-the-week, none of which include flavor, I might add--you do the dishes. I take care of the outside, you expect me to do 50% of the inside too.

I think a salient point here is that most housework-type chores must be done on a daily or near-daily basis. You only have to mow the lawn once a week, and oil changes every few months, but food preparation and cleanup must be done at least once a day. They must be constantly kept up with, or everyone goes hungry and lives in a sty. Same for laundry -- it's an ongoing need. The flaking paint on the house trim can be let go with no great consequences, but without semi-weekly laundry loads, we become socially unacceptable. Child care isn't an issue in our house, but dads are parents too, and kids need their attention daily as well as Mom's; dads who sit in front of the tube and grouse because the kids are drowning out Monday Night Football don't score many points in my book.

stofsky, if you're doing the things you say to contribute to the housekeeping, then I agree -- your wife doesn't have much of a beef. But I think we're mostly discussing the neanderthals who sit on the couch grunting all week, then do yard work on Saturday mornings and think they're being put upon.

[Stormi]

Oh stop it, you all have me cracking up.. it is hard for me to be in a bitchy mood when I am laughing over these posts !!

Lee- your post made me laugh so hard - I will have to use that response -
now if only I can get that song out of my head now...
"she's got the whole world, in her cunt.. she's got the whole world.. LOL

[BoBettie]

Maeg
Any suggestions from the womenfolk about this one?


I personally suggest a bunch of flowers delivered to work with a card that says "I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!" on it, followed by a nice dinner out (buy her a nice new dress to wear), followed by the admission that you LIVE to clean up cat puke and dirty dishes. You pray she'll be around to dirty up MORE dishes for you to clean up.

That's just my suggestion :)

Oh, and Merry- try not to be TOO hard on him. It was just a boneheaded thing to say. Sometimes SO's are like that. Let him eat crow and get over it

Zette

[Pucette]

I love your suggestions! :) Are you taking notes, MR? <wink>

And don't worry, I _do_ appreciate him, even though I'm "not as bad as your husbands sound..."

:)

[cher3]

Stofsky:

The reason housework counts for so much is that it is ENDLESS. When you have finished mowing the lawn, it is done, for at least a week. Things like dishes and laundry and picking up go on forever, especially if you have kids. Both my husband and I could be cleaning and tidying every moment of the day around our place and at the end of it there would still be one more sippy cup in the sink.

My husband is pretty good about all this. The only complaint I have is that he would cheerfully starve to death if I didn't give him food. We had to live apart for about six months once and, I swear, he ate nothing but cereal and canned soup the whole time. He refuses to eat lunch if I don't put it in a bag for him myself.

Oh well, I know it could be much, much worse.

[stofsky]

Originally posted by Zette
The way to a mans chore list is Bonus Blowjob Sunday. It's an absolute guarentee. That list is getting shorter every week, I can tell you that much!


Can you email my wife with this information? I, as most men, would attempt to declaw the cat with my eyelashes for a bonus blowjob!

[stofsky]

Originally posted by cher3
Stofsky:

The reason housework counts for so much is that it is ENDLESS. When you have finished mowing the lawn, it is done, for at least a week. Things like dishes and laundry and picking up go on forever, especially if you have kids. Both my husband and I could be cleaning and tidying every moment of the day around our place and at the end of it there would still be one more sippy cup in the sink.


Believe me, it gets worse after the sippy cup stage. Wait until homework gets spread around--and we've got a girl, so even at 5 1/2 there are 2 or 3 clothing changes in a day. But I wish I'd paid more attention in physics (which I sucked at) so I could make a comparison of ergs (the unit of work, not the sound I make while doing it) between mowing the lawn and doing dishes. Or a calorie count, maybe. Hell, a week's worth of dishes, burnt pasta and sauce every night, can't be the same amount of burned fat as mowing a 1600 square foot lawn in 102 degree, 95% relative humidity weather. But does the amount of actual work/energy expended count? Or are we doing this on an "equal time" basis. Because, if so, I get to spend as much time as I want in the bathroom, stinking it up and reading the paper, as I want, because...well...equal time.

And I get to use her razor and dull it up. Just thought I'd throw that one in.

[OpalCat]

Originally posted by cornflakes
[BNext time, just walk into the house and mention whatever *woman's problem* is bothering you.* Better yet, make one up. I promise you, you will not have to talk to him for the rest of the night. [/B]

Is this true? Do most men freak out over those kinds of things? I guess I just got lucky to not have a feminophobic husband.

[cher3]

Don't bother brushing up your physics, because I can tell you that time is the important thing. Also timing. Sure, it's unpleasant pushing that lawnmower around, but if you get to spend the rest of the afternoon in front of the TV with a cold one or two, you soon forget about that. What grinds people down is always being the one on call, especially at the end of a hard day. So mowing the lawn might be physically harder than washing dishes every night, but, psychologically it's probably easier.

Actually, what makes something hard is a matter of individual taste. Some people hate to cook--I find it enjoyable. I hate to do paperwork, but my husband doesn't mind (or at least doesn't mind as much.)

[Mockingbird]

Y'know, this is not indigenous only to male/female couples.
I do all the cooking and cleaning in the house. I am also the only one with the power to accumulate groceries. Truly an amazing power.

Last night, for the very first time, I did not have dinner ready for my boyfriend(soon to be husband) when he got home because I had been cleaning the house and didn't get to it.
He rooted through the refrigerator to get ideas of what to cook. I still had to come up with an idea for him. Then he cooked for the very first time ever in our relationship. He's a mediocre cook with delusions of palatability. Bleh.
Better that I cook than starve or be poisoned.

[OpalCat]

Originally posted by stofsky
I have a question for the ladies: why is it only housework that counts

It doesn't. But for a lot of us, outdoor stuff doesn't apply. For example, we live in a townhouse. We have a yard the size of a postage stamp. We've lived here a year and a half. My husband has weed-whacked it about 3 times. Most of the time there are weeds higher than your knees, with dog poops scattered around underneath. Before this, we lived in an apartment... no yard. Before that, it was a house in Arizona that had a dirt yard. No maintenance. My point is just.... don't assume that all these guys have massive yard duties they're taking care of. :)

[stofsky]

Originally posted by cher3
Don't bother brushing up your physics, because I can tell you that time is the important thing. Also timing. Sure, it's unpleasant pushing that lawnmower around, but if you get to spend the rest of the afternoon in front of the TV with a cold one or two, you soon forget about that. What grinds people down is always being the one on call, especially at the end of a hard day. So mowing the lawn might be physically harder than washing dishes every night, but, psychologically it's probably easier.

Actually, what makes something hard is a matter of individual taste. Some people hate to cook--I find it enjoyable. I hate to do paperwork, but my husband doesn't mind (or at least doesn't mind as much.)

But we're talking division of labor, not emotional comfort. And I hate mowing the lawn more than my wife hates doing the dishes. And, my back doesn't let me forget about that lawn very soon. My point is, equality in a working couple being equal, the fact that I spend the morning in the heat mowing the lawn should count for X amount of inside work. If I get the lawn done while she's at the gym on Saturday morning, then I get to watch the Carolina game while she's picking up the living room.

Hell, even considering time, 15 or 20 minutes of dishes every night comes about equal to the lawn time. And dishes are done in air-conditioning.

[Unauthorized Cinnamon]

Zette, you just gave me my new sig!

As for lawn mowing, we once got a warning letter from our HOA telling us to cut it. It had this hilarious statement: "Your grass has been classified as 'long.'" Ooh, is that a technical term?

[stofsky]

Originally posted by OpalCat
My point is just.... don't assume that all these guys have massive yard duties they're taking care of. :)

Doesn't apply to those without yards. If you don't have to mow, do the fucking laundry. I'm speaking to those husbands/SOs who do spend hours making the outside of the house look good, often at the prodding of "The roses look like shit," or, "Are you ever going to trim the azaleas?" Then they return to the air-conditioned world of domesticity, wash the grass clippings off in the shower, and hear, "What am I supposed to do with these socks you left on the floor?" or "The living room needs to be vacuumed," or "Get your own fucking beer."

Bad sexist joke, but appropriate: How many men does it take to open a beer?







None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.

(I got hit for telling my wife that one. I retrieve and open my own alcoholic beverages, thank you.)

[labdude]

Originally posted by Zette


I was having major problems getting things checked off of his "to do" list. I was forced to make a list after he just was getting NO house chores done. Every Sunday is "bonus blowjob" Sunday. If he checks off just ONE THING on his list, he gets a bonus blowjob (meaning guarenteed) that Sunday. (He only does chores on the weekend). It's working great, but it does seem sad that no amount of convincing, begging or crying worked. Blowjobs seem to be the key around these parts.



Hey I'm off this weekend. Need any chores done? Need the house painted? please.... :)

[Stella*Fantasia]

Originally posted by OpalCat
Is this true? Do most men freak out over those kinds of things? I guess I just got lucky to not have a feminophobic husband.

Yup, they sure do freak out. At least my BF does. He has only the vaguest notion of how my systems work (he has no sisters & went to an all-boys school), so it's comically easy to freak him out about that stuff. I could tell him that my uterus has a tracking device & he'd probably believe me. :rolleyes:

& stofsky, if mowing the lawn makes your back hurt so much, why don't you get a new lawn mower (or get the blades sharpened on the one you have)?

[cher3]

Stofsky:

I don't see any problem with the gym/game deal you describe. The friction comes when one person gets time to themselves and the other person doesn't. The classic case is when Dad works hard all day but gets to relax all evening and also when he gets his chores done on the weekend, but Mom never gets to relax. If your wife is making it to the gym, she's probably doing fine.

Another source of problems, though, can be the nature of the work. A lot of the complaints I hear come from the fact that husbands are making extra work, rather than being a source of support. If you do dishes and laundry while your partner does other work, you feel supported. If you have to pick up his dirty clothes where he flung them before they can be washed and wash up all the glasses and plates left from his afternoon snack before you can even get to the dinner dishes, you feel like the maid.

(And don't give me any stuff about different standards of cleanliness here. We're grownups.)

Anyway, there are a lot of ways people can work this out to their satisfaction. I think the main point the OP was trying to make is that occasional favors, like ironing a shirt or getting someone a drink, should be just that--favors. They shouldn't be an expected part of one person's duties.

[pepperlandgirl]

Well, it's the exact opposite in my house. Yes, I will admit it, compared to my BF, I am a lazy slacker. He does the dishes, the laundry, makes the bed, looks for elusive lost items. On the other hand, I'm usually swamped with school work. Though, when I do do something unexpected (Wash ALL of the laundry, not just a load, or clean the kitchen) I don't really get anything for it, other than the satisfaction of doing something.

[LouisB]

I work at home while Marcie has a seventy-six mile round trip per day. Plus, she works four ten hour days. Guess who does most of the housework and cooking in our house?

Yeah, I do.

My only reward is that Marcie allows me to adore her.

I think it is a hell of a good deal.

[BiblioCat]

Originally posted by Scarlett67

I think a salient point here is that most housework-type chores must be done on a daily or near-daily basis. You only have to mow the lawn once a week, and oil changes every few months, but food preparation and cleanup must be done at least once a day. They must be constantly kept up with, or everyone goes hungry and lives in a sty. Same for laundry -- it's an ongoing need. The flaking paint on the house trim can be let go with no great consequences, but without semi-weekly laundry loads, we become socially unacceptable.
Exactly. I guess if you live in Florida or some other warm climate, the lawn chores go on all year, but here in Maryland, the yard-mowing season is just about over till March or April. Our house is brick, with aluminum trim, so no painting is ever needed.
On the other hand, with three kids, the laundry is unbelievable. My older two wear uniforms to school, and the first thing they do when they get home is change....that's 2 outfits times 2 kids...4 outfits per day, plus making sure they have clean uniforms for school each day. I know for a fact hubby has no clue how to separate the laundry. He thinks it's perfectly acceptable to wash undies and jeans and towels all together in hot water. When I was on bedrest for a complicated pregnancy, he would take the laundry to the laundromat and let them do it, for $1.00 a pound. Let me tell you, laundry is heavy! He easily spent $20-$25 a week doing that.

We have an older house, and don't have a dishwasher. We are planning on remodeling the kitchen in the next year or two, but until then, I wash all the dishes. My husband has NEVER washed a dish in the time we've been together. When I was on bedrest, he bought paper plates and cups and plastic silverware. My mother and MIL would come over once a day to bring food and tidy up and wash whatever he had left in the sink.

I'm not really complaining, but sometimes I think he doesn't understand how much I really do. He thinks laundry is a once-a-week thing...does he not see me there, at least three nights a week, folding clothes while watching TV? Does he not see me washing the dishes (by hand) EVERY NIGHT?

[BoBettie]

Originally posted by AerynSun
Zette, you just gave me my new sig!

As for lawn mowing, we once got a warning letter from our HOA telling us to cut it. It had this hilarious statement: "Your grass has been classified as 'long.'" Ooh, is that a technical term?

Aeryn! Ack! :)
You could at least link it to this thread so people don't think I'm handing them out to everyone!

Like I said, look at the responses here. All the guys perk right up- Should you have to do that to get chores done? Hell no. Does it work? Hell yes.

YOU do the math :)
He's actually probobly getting worried that the list is getting shorter. Last week HE ADDED a chore. Men are from Mars my ass- Men (my man anyway) are cavemen. They will give in to sex favors. (Never deny sex for punishment, though. Bad, bad)

Zette

[Stella*Fantasia]

Wouldn't work for me. He knows I give blow jobs on demand.

Sigh. I'm just too nice for my own good, aren't I?

[Dylan]

Originally posted by cher3
Stofsky:

Another source of problems, though, can be the nature of the work. A lot of the complaints I hear come from the fact that husbands are making extra work, rather than being a source of support. If you do dishes and laundry while your partner does other work, you feel supported. If you have to pick up his dirty clothes where he flung them before they can be washed and wash up all the glasses and plates left from his afternoon snack before you can even get to the dinner dishes, you feel like the maid.

I get paid to be a fucking maid....I clean OTHER peoples' houses, a small motel as well as a commercial building 5 nights a week....for a freaking living...I work Monday (2 hrs), Tuesday (2hrs), Wednesday (2hrs), Thursday (3-4 hrs, then 2hrs), Friday (5 hrs, then 3-4 hrs), Saturday (4hrs, then 2.5 hrs), and Sundays (3-4 hrs)...

I DO NOT want to come home and have to clean up the FUCKING PIG STY that 1 grown man and 2 small male children have decided is fine for them to live in....

what Dylan then has to do in her own house:

...2 sinkloads of dishes (dewt sometimes remembers to put away)
...kitchen table/counter/floor cleanup (sweeping and mopping)
...general dusting and vacuuming of a 5-bedroom/2 level home
...full cleaning of 2 bathrooms (even rinsing the tub after a filthy bath is an unfulfilled dream I have of my menfolk)
....changing of bedlinens
...all laundry, hanging up of (we do not own a working dryer...sigh), as well as all folding and putting away thereof
...plant care
...making of beds and general cleaning of rooms
...cleaning out of fridge and identification of green, growing things...
...70% of cat puke/shit/piss cleanup
...most cooking and clean up duties

plus, plus, plus....

mini-dewt said to me the other day (when I asked him to clean up his toys)..."mama, only girls do cleaning"...

I fell down...on the spot...and of course asked where the hell he got that idea....his one word reply....Daddy...(who denies this)

look, there is ALWAYS something to do with regards to housekeeping...ALWAYS...some daily, some weekly...some monthly...I just don't want to feel like I am the one doing 90% of it all.....all the time...

if on the days that I am in charge of 2 kids and house, I can get some maintenance done, why the hell can't the man I live with not do the same????.....that's all....I just want some goddamned help....

even going on 'strike' doesn't fucking help...I get fed up after a week, and my obsessive/compulsiveness kicks in and then I just have a bigger, ickier mess to clean up...

looks like Dylan and dewt are having a talk tonite...

[BoBettie]

Dylan,
I think SOMEBODY desparately needs a chore list for the gang!

You can bet your ass that if I heard my husband say anything about housework being "womens work", he'd be paying for a maid to come in every day to pick up after him. That is just WRONG and disrespectful. Wow!

Zette

[stofsky]

Originally posted by Dylan
[QUOTE]I work Monday (2 hrs), Tuesday (2hrs), Wednesday (2hrs), Thursday (3-4 hrs, then 2hrs), Friday (5 hrs, then 3-4 hrs), Saturday (4hrs, then 2.5 hrs), and Sundays (3-4 hrs)...

I DO NOT want to come home and have to clean up the FUCKING PIG STY that 1 grown man and 2 small male children have decided is fine for them to live in....


Sorry for the lack of sympathy, but the rest of us who work 40, 50, or 60 hours a week have the same shit to deal with, and in less time. Taking your time estimates at the long range, you work 31 1/2 hours a week, 28 1/2 on the low end. Wah, muddafuggin wah.

I'm by no means anal-retentive, but I'm the clean one in the house. When time comes to pick up the living room, I've got, maybe, one beer can and an empty cigarette wrapper. Meanwhile there are, from the 2 females, several pairs of shoes, several pairs of socks/hose, bras, panties, crayons, multiple Diet Coke cans, paper plates with the remains of Lean Cuisine on the coffee table...and let's not forget the chocolaty fingerprints on the piano keys. And though I often work at home, I'm fucking working, not here to clean house, and aside from the rare SDMB break, I'm busy. Dad and the boys the same way?

Women don't have a corner on the market here :)

[Stormi]

Aahhh, wouldn't it be nice if everyone cleaned up AFTER THEMSELVES? That is what this thread is suppose to be about. Doing for yourself. Doing your fair share!!!

In MY dream world, the kids pick up after themselves, no shoes left in the middle of the floor where I can trip on them, no messes in the bedroom making it look like a tornado went through. No dishes left on the table - they know where the dishwasher is too.
And in my dream world, my husband finds his things himself, he makes it all the way to the laundry room with his dirty socks, he helps with the baths, the laundry, the clean-up,
because I am NOT the maid here, and I would have more free time in the evenings ( and energy, what, with all this help ) to pamper him, make mad passionate... well, you know ) and we would all love happily ever after.....

But, alas, I will never live in my dream world, my house will never be spotless. My kids will never learn to do everything I need them to do. So, I deal. I bitch. Gets me nowhere!!!!!

Then, I think about what life would be like without my husband around, my kids running and playing, laughing and loving...my life would be boring !

Got to go clean now :)

[BoBettie]

Hey, Hey, Hey...careful about this:
Sorry for the lack of sympathy, but the rest of us who work 40, 50, or 60 hours a week have the same shit to deal with, and in less time. Taking your time estimates at the long range, you work 31 1/2 hours a week, 28 1/2 on the low end. Wah, muddafuggin wah.


You have no idea why she works that schedule. As most people here know, I work part time because I had a spinal fusion done and suffer incredible chronic pain. Don't make assumptions about anyone. I come home fucking beat most days, same as someone who works 60 hours a week. The extra hours don't mean shit if you can't do much in them. Trust me on this one.

Zette

[Dylan]

Originally posted by stofsky

Sorry for the lack of sympathy, but the rest of us who work 40, 50, or 60 hours a week have the same shit to deal with, and in less time. Taking your time estimates at the long range, you work 31 1/2 hours a week, 28 1/2 on the low end. Wah, muddafuggin wah.

Women don't have a corner on the market here :)

nope...women DO NOT have a corner on the market in regards to this issue.. :) ...by no means...I know of one poor guy who does 90% of the housework, and his wife complains that he never does anything....go figure...

and you are very correct about having the same shit to do in less time....however, my paltry 31 hours a week (outside of home...not including the hrs put in AT home)is ALL manual labour...no sitting, no resting, no coffee breaks...it's cool, it's ok....it pays some bills and is the only option open since we cannot afford daycare (mini-dewt has been on various waiting lists for 3 years)and one parent home with kiddies (while neither is full time employed...dewt builds fences and decks...summer and fall work only) is a strong ethical belief I have...

I used to work 50-60 hrs/wk...but that, with a 3 hr commute and all the housework quickly led to a nervous breakdown...if you work your 40-60 hours/ in whatever job you do, then have to come home and do the SAME shit at home for 7-8 MORE hrs, every day.... it would probably drive you insane...

my main point I guess, is that I am majorly responsible for housekeeping, and it bugs the shit out of me to go spend 5-6 hours cleaning a lakeside mansion, then hurrying to job # 2, 3-4 hours cleaning 12 kitchen efficiency motel chalets, and come home to almost nothing having been done and dewt playing a video game, or posting here....and then having to clean parts of my house, then make dinner, clean up after dinner, then go to job # 3, sweep and mop floors and clean bathrooms in a commercial mall....to come home at 11 pm and find all my prevous cleaning undone...with more mess!!....it bugs me....

[lissener]

Reading your OP reminds me what PMS stands for.

[Dylan]

Originally posted by Zette
I come home fucking beat most days, same as someone who works 60 hours a week. The extra hours don't mean shit if you can't do much in them. Trust me on this one.
Zette

I don't work very many hours in comparison, perhaps, but I DO know what coming home fucking beat, with a back that is strained and energy that is nonexistant, is all about...I hear 'ya Zette.........also...I believe dewt...he would never say that only girls clean....now, maybe mini-dewts 9yr old bro might say that...LOL...

and when dewt is the one working, I do not expect as much from him as on the days when he is not working...

and I dare anyone to come here, do the job I do for 1 month (my house and kids included), and then go back to whatever they do normally, and then condescend to me about it ONLY being x amount of hours...

stormi...I am here supporting you and indulging in midol...and I too wish that our dream lives would happen....maybe moving out for a few years...leave them in their own mess!!!! bbbwwwwaaahahahahaha...at least till the kids move out...LOL

and somebody's (??) sig here says it all:

women on average live 7 years longer than men....because it takes us that long to clean up their messes after their dead.

[Engineer Don]

This may sound like an odd question, but when things get hectic, isn't it OK to ask your SO for help? Talking about being stressed isn't nagging. When the workload changes, like as your kids grow, or if you move, or your job situation changes, I think it is OK to renegotiate who does what.

That bonus blow job Sunday thing would work too, though.

[BoBettie]

Yes, that's how the original "Bonus blowjob Sunday" got started. It was the final negotiation before firebombing the place :)

Zette

[even sven]

Wow, I feel lucky.

We have a pretty good system worked out. Whoever doesnt cook, does dishes. Who cooks is decided by who cares more about what the meal is. Snack dishes are the sole resposibility of whoever ate the snack.

Laundry is done on an individual basis (We have our own towels). Same with putting away clothes.

Other cleaning tasks (mopping, etc) are done by setting aside an amount of time and BOTH of us working steadily until all that needs to be done is done.

And it is never acceptable to leave your own mess laying around in public areas. Cleaning up after yourself is one of the first things they teach you in kindergarten.

I think it works out so well because we both have a lot of experience living in apartments with random room and housemates. Therefor, we both got used to taking care of ourselves whike kiving with others.

But for the rest of ya...I feel your pain. And I know things can get a lot messier (literally) when kidlets enter the picture. Good luck!

[Feynn]

Things are a little different around here... I am going to start asking Lola if my dick looks like a dowsing rod whenever she asks me where her stuff is... when I mentioned this to her she just cracked up because she knows it's the truth. She could be standing on whatever she was looking for and still ask me where the "whatever" is. If you could picture the accompanying physical actions that go along with "dick dowsing" you might get a few chuckles.

The kids are just as bad and after spending two hours in the morning tracking down everyone's stuff I tend to get a trifle testy.

And what is the fucking deal with the garbage anyways? If it's full take it out... DO NOT keep stacking things on top so that it collapses when I go to take it out. I have given this job to our boys, it lowers my blood pressure.

The next time I almost do a header over someone's purse I might just fire it out the door. My boys used to leave their shoes right in the entry causing a tripping hazard to anyone coming in the door. You did not want to be them when I almost took a spill when I was carrying the baby in from the car. My solution was to just throw their shoes out the door and the rule here is that if you go outside without shoes you get grounded for a while. They have pretty well stopped leaving their stuff in the doorway so maybe it might work for purses.

One chore equals one blowjob? WOW. We're on a point system here and Lola won't tell me how many points I need to earn... all she needs to do for me is earn one point... she says just her being here is worth a point... she's right and I'm done.