For one single yesterday

[JimOfAllTrades]

Well, I almost made it through the day.

14 years ago today she died. A moment of inattention, a truck she didn't see and that didn't see her, and she was gone.

We had planned to be married within the year. We were in love as teenagers, but hadn't seen each other in 10 years. At the beginning the summer (both of us recently out of bad marriages) we found each other again. We fell in love again instantly. Actually, I never quit loving her. I know she felt the same.

It's always a little hard for me on this day. Today I did ok until about 20 minutes ago when Janis Joplin came on the radio. Although I'm happy with my new life, and love my wife (10 years this year), there are times when I feel the words of the song I just heard very strongly:

"I'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday..."

Ugly

[chique]

:(

[Tabithina]

{{{{RJKUgly}}}}

[racinchikki]

:(


Big thoughts for you.



reminded me of this...

I love my life, and I'd never trade
Between what you and me had and the life I've made
She's here and she's real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you

[Booker57]

{{{{RJKUgly}}}}

[Medea's Child]

{{{{{{{RJKUgly}}}}}}}

That hurts. Be well.

[dpr]

Oh god.

I'm so sorry to hear it.

{{{{RJKUgly}}}}

But at least you had some time together. It would've been even more tragic if it had remained unrealised.


________

insert any quote from The Dance here

[andygirl]

<very long hug>
<hands RJK a flower>

Peace be with you.

[Serendipity]

{{{{{{{{{{{{RJKUgly}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't think the words exist for me to lend any comfort. :( Take special care of yourself today -- I think she would be happy that you're happy and in love, and I'm sure you love more purely (whatever that means) now because of her. What better tribute to her memory?

Oh, I need to hug you again. :)

{{{{{{{{{RJKUgly}}}}}}}}}}

[The Mermaid]

{{{{{ugly}}}}}

And I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
but I'd have had to miss the dance.

(Garth Brooks)

I'll say a prayer for you and your family.

[JimOfAllTrades]

Thanks folks.

I felt a little foolish posting that, but I just kind of lost it there for a minute.

Anyway, thanks.

Ugly

[dpr]

No need to feel foolish mate: there's no sin attached to feeling.

[TroubleAgain]

:( {{{{{{{{RJK}}}}}}}}}}}

[mega the roo]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RJK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Coldfire]

Rush - Afterimage

Suddenly --
You were gone
From all the lives
You left your mark upon

I remember --
How we talked and drank
Into the misty dawn
-- I hear the voices

We ran by the water
On the wet summer lawn
-- I see the foot prints
I remember --

-- I feel the way you would
-- I feel the way you would

Tried to believe
But you know it's no good
This is something
That just can't be understood

I remember --
The shouts of joy
Skiing fast through the woods
-- I hear the echoes

I learned your love for life
I feel the way that you would
-- I feel your presence
I remember --

I feel the way you would
This just can't be understood...


Music by Lee and Lifeson
Lyrics by Peart

That was a very moving post, RJK. I suppose we all have loved ones that we miss at particular dates, or at certain times of the year. But she was your wife-to-be... I can't imagine anything like that. And it scares me to even TRY to imagine it...

RJK, all the best. For one thing, I hope your current wife understands why you feel this way on this particular day. But then, maybe it's a hard feeling to share.

[Missy2U]

{{{RJK}}}

I hurt for you. And my thoughts are with you.

[Girlbysea]

I know how you feel. After 22 years of marriage, my husband and I separated. All through the separation, we continued a beautiful friendship. In July at the age of 44 he had a massive heart attack and was gone. If I could have one day back, I would love to hug him one more time and tell him how much that I truly loved him...

[iampunha]

Okay, we really, REALLY need a crying emoticon. Something a bit more effective/poignant than a blue face.

[struuter]

Oh honey. I can never think of anything comforting on these occasions. I wish to god I could. Please accept my good thoughts and support.

[JimOfAllTrades]

Once again, thanks everyone. The feeling of support is incredible, especially considering that with my post count I'm a virtual stranger to most of you. Thanks with all my heart.

Girlbysea: After 22 years it's hard to even imagine the hole in your life a loss like that makes. My heart go out to you. I can only say this: Even though the feeling of loss doesn't go away, it gets easier to deal with. With time, you find that the happy memories and the smiles tend to come first. Savor those memories. And at some point, it gets easier.

For me, when I think of my lost lady, I see her smile first. The most absolutely beautful smile ever. Even after 14 years I can see her smile in my minds eye.

Thanks everyone. You're good people.

Ugly

[RalfCoder]

This kind of thing gets to me, too. I lost my grandfather suddenly, and at the oddest times I think of him. I see him working his shop, or remember fishing with him, or on a family vacation. He's been gone almost 25 years. The pain does fade, the longing to see him once more doesn't.

Originally posted by racinchikki

I love my life, and I'd never trade
Between what you and me had and the life I've made
She's here and she's real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you

racinchikki, that's wonderful. Who wrote it?

[JimOfAllTrades]

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I need to clarify some things about my original post.

When I posted that, I heard the Joplin song n the radio and I guess that got me thinking and in combination with the date I came around to thinking about what happened to my old girlfriend. I've always felt like she died in a stupid accident, and think how hard that was on her family and kids.

But the part that got lost somewhere between my head and the keyboard was the important details that go with "I'm happy with my new life, and love my wife".

Although it was in my head, I didn’t say how much that means to me. While I meant to say that I was sad about the death of someone I had cared about, and the feeling of "lost yesterdays" is sad and poetic, I also meant to say that my life had turned around because of my wife. She has supported me, loved me, and really was responsible for turning me into some kind of actual adult (although you wouldn't know it from what I post).

She is not only the most important person in my life, she is my life. Her smile lights up my eyes every time I see it. The first time I saw her is still clear in my minds eye, I can see her as she opened on the door on our first (blind) date. I saw instantly that she was special. So sexy, so shy, but obviously sharp, funny, and fun to be with.

In fact, it's now twenty-two years, and she still puts up with me. And that is the real lesson here, I think. Yesterdays are what they are. But I'd be a fool to change one minute of my life since I met her. Without her, I'd be… I'm not exactly sure, but something very much different and less than I am now.

So "All my yesterdays" can stay yesterdays. I'm not just happy with my life, it's the life I'd choose in a heartbeat given a choice in the matter. Looking back, I can't believe how lucky I've been, most especially because of the person I'm supposed to be with, and was lucky enough to find, my wife.

[PunditLisa]

Jim, I'm sorry about your loss but glad that you cleared the fog of nostalgia so that you can see, and appreciate, the life you have.

[Carl Corey]

Damn. Look who posted the first response. :(

[Cat Whisperer]

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I need to clarify some things about my original post. <snip>
Don't be - it's really interesting to see two snapshots of your life from 10 years apart sort of folded together like this. I'm sorry for your loss, and happy that you found love again. :)

[MPB in Salt Lake]

Glad to see that you are doing well---Hope the next ten years (and 20 and 30) are also filled with good things for you both.......

Matthew

[NinetyWt]

Damn. Look who posted the first response. :(

I noticed that too.

[usedtobe]

Of all the threads to get zombied.
Tomorrow is the anniversity of the death of MY "the one who got away"

Except we never were, and could never have been together.

Maybe this would have been the year when 11/21 would have been just another day.

Damn you Kristofferson - couldn't you have kept that line to yourself?

[Earthbound Misfit I]

JimOfAllTrades, IMO, it would have been a much wiser idea to tell your wife about the feelings you were having instead of posting what you did here on SD about "there are times when I feel the words of the song I just heard very strongly:

"I'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday..."

You said in your OP that you love your wife, however, you make it sound like she is second rate compared to the lady you lost. You make it sound like you would give away the life you have with your wife to just have one more yesterday with your old fiance`. What a cruel thing for you to say after you had been married to her for 10 years at the time of your original post.

IMO, after 10 years of being married to your wife, it was time for you to stop living in the past long ago, you should have stopped telling the "stories" of how much you had been in love with your old fiance`and should have just been happy for the life you had at that time with your wife.

[bigdfrombigd]

I noticed that too.

I don"t understand? What did you notice too?

[Marley23]

I don"t understand? What did you notice too?
chique died in June. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=567464)

[Clothahump]

Well, I almost made it through the day.

14 years ago today she died. A moment of inattention, a truck she didn't see and that didn't see her, and she was gone.
...snip...

Ugly

Don't feel bad, Jim. She was special to you, she will always be part of your life and you honor her with your memory of her.

[Autolycus]

IMO, after 10 years of being married to your wife, it was time for you to stop living in the past long ago, you should have stopped telling the "stories" of how much you had been in love with your old fiance`and should have just been happy for the life you had at that time with your wife.

What, the guy is not allowed to have feelings? I can possibly see how you might think your post is justified by merely readin the OP, but did you read his follow-up post as well? I think you are being a few orders of magnitude too harsh.

[Earthbound Misfit I]

Yes, he should be allowed to have feelings, but, the way he chose to convey those feelings was hurtful/uncaring and cruel towards his wife. The way he said "Although I am happy with my new life (New life?? Really? He had been married to his wife 10 years and he calls it his new life?) and love my wife, there are times when "hey, at times I get to feeling that I'd trade my life with my wife away just to spend a yesterday with my old fiance`" I bet that would make the wife feel all warm and fuzzy to know this, yes? The OP sounded like he really wasn't all that content with his life and would have rather been back in the past with his old love.

I did read JimOfAllTrades follow up post, it was a very thoughtful, heartfelt post. IMO, it still doesn't completely take away the fact that he "suggested" he'd give up the life he had with his wife to return to his past.

But, that's just my take on things......

What, the guy is not allowed to have feelings? I can possibly see how you might think your post is justified by merely readin the OP, but did you read his follow-up post as well? I think you are being a few orders of magnitude too harsh.

[ShelliBean]

Hope I never get taken to task for something I wrote 10 years ago...

[Nava]

Misfit, go have a cold shower. Then another one. Then again. You don't understand loss, fine. But don't berate someone whose feelings you simply do not comprehend.




FTR, Jim, my read on the OP was that you were, indeed, very happy with your wife - I see no contradiction between "I love my wife very much" and "sometimes I wish my old gf was still alive/sometimes I miss someone from my past". Then again, I'm friends with several guys who list me as an old flame and their wives... :)

[Earthbound Misfit I]

Neva, though I did not go take a cold shower, I am going to respond to your post,
I don't believe that I am berating JimOfAllTrades at all, I just feel that if he would have taken a moment to check his emotions before coming on the SD to post, he would have been able to express what he was actually feeling at the time.

The choice he made to come here and post all these "emotions" was a poor one and IMO, is not something his wife would care to read about online. I do not think he was being uncaring/hurtful on purpose, but, the message of "trading all my tomorrows for one single yesterday" was indeed unkind. To even think of trading his wife for his past life was cruel. Sure, he can miss/think of his old fiance` once in awhile, but, in his original post he made it sound like his wife was somehow less than what his old fiance`was.


Misfit, go have a cold shower. Then another one. Then again. You don't understand loss, fine. But don't berate someone whose feelings you simply do not comprehend.




FTR, Jim, my read on the OP was that you were, indeed, very happy with your wife - I see no contradiction between "I love my wife very much" and "sometimes I wish my old gf was still alive/sometimes I miss someone from my past". Then again, I'm friends with several guys who list me as an old flame and their wives... :)

[Earthbound Misfit I]

Oh, and FTR, I am JimOfAllTrades wife and I still love JimOfAllTrades with all my heart and soul. He is my everything. I think I comprehend his feelings more than most.

[TruCelt]

If that's true, and you are still this insecure after 22 years, shame on you. Especially after the heartfelt posts by Jim. Even his first one states that he cares about you and is grateful for you. The loves and losses of our SOs make them who they are.

Show some respect for his ability to love, and his loyalty. I know what it is to be with a man who shows neither. That, my friend, sucks.

[twickster]

Earthbound Misfit I, we prefer that couples fight in their own homes, and not on our message board. Not cool, esp. to post several times before saying who you are.

I'll close this thread.

twickster, MPSIMS moderator