Favorite "Warehouse 23" items?

[MacTech]

Not sure if anyone else is familiar with Steve Jackson Games' website for his mysterious "Warehouse 23" (http://warehouse23.com/basement/box/) warehouse, it's a virtual "warehouse" used to add interesting items to Role Playing games, the entries are random and change with each reload, i just find it fun to peruse the "inventory" occasionally....

some of my favorites;
you open the box to find;..

A Steaming hot plate of Antipasta, it is quite delicious, cooked al dente with a light cream sauce, if it comes into contact with normal pasta they will annihilate each other, causing an explosion of seismic proportions

A Cubic Sphere, you get a headache just looking at it

An entire box filled with "Pause Buttons" for children

a CD labeled "Cthulu's Greatest Hits", all 22 tracks consist of screaming, suddenly cut off by munching noises

Dehydrated Antimatter, Just Add Water

A set of Duck Calls, all shapes and sizes, they all work, more or less, but not neccecarily on ducks, among the more exotic are those that call blue whales, deep ones, succubi, or steam trains, none of the calls are labeled

a goat that is completely indistinguishable from a a fish, except for the fact that it is *NOT* a fish, it is a goat, it's scales glisten in the dim light, it's gills open and close as you watch, and it's slippery, flopping body leaps from your hands more than once, but it's not a fish, it is a goat

A large crate labled "Hamdingers", it actually contains a complete set of blueprints and plans for a one-man orbital re-entry vehicle

an Irish Setter puppy that sniffs out explosives, after a year it only will look for nuclear weapons, after two years it only finds watermelons

A small device, a bucket of pink paint, and pictures of someone frantically jumping up and down, written on the back of the pictures are the words "Somebody Else's Problem"


it's a fun little site for some mindless diversions

[Hypno-Toad]

I have that site on my favorites list. The immediate thing that comes to mind is a box containing your permanent record.

[CandidGamera]

Obsessive-compulsive story-time.

I went through that site and opened crates until I had seen over 4,900 distinct items.

Which I put in a spreadsheet.

For use in my RPG campaigns, of course.

[Hypno-Toad]

I have also sat there and just clicked and clicked and clicked looking at all the cool items.

Very OCD compatible.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

fnord

You should not read about Warehouse 23.
It is not necessary to read about Warehouse 23.
You have never heard of a "Warehouse 23".
There is no Warehouse 23.
Forget.
Forget.
Forget.

fnord

[Jayn_Newell]

A perfect condition, fully-restored 1967 Tucker.

Other favorites--
-A logical impossibility. Fortunately, the box is empty.
-A cube sphere. Looking at it gives you a headache.
-A two-hundred-pound scroll in Tibetan. On it is written the nine billion names of God.

That site is way too much fun for my own good.

[Marlitharn]

You open one of the 996 boxes on this floor to find...

An infinitely long piece of string, packed into a finite space.

your own head. As you stare at it, you wave your hand through where your head normally is, and encounter nothing. Maybe it'll come back when you close the box...

A sturdy screw-topped jar containing a perfect vacuum. If the jar is opened the air will rush in and fill it.

A thin ring made of ruddy gold. Inside are letters in an ancient script which, if deciphered, will read "Factory Second." It is, in fact, the Other True Ring. Its wearer will feel no effect other than a vague sense that exciting things are happening somewhere else, to other people.

Well, I know what I'm going to be doing all night at work.

[PastAllReason]

I like this one:

A small, primitive-looking butterfly in a glass case. It is half-crushed; indentations in the wings suggest the sole of a heavy hunting boot. A small tag attached to the glass case lists only the item's number and what seems to be a prehistoric date.

MacTech, thanks for the link. I've never seen it before.

[Marlitharn]

You open one of the 999 boxes on this floor and find...

Yoko Ono. Quick, close the lid.

I snorted Diet Pepsi out my nose when this one popped up.

[Paul in Qatar]

I added a few, don't know if they will be accepted:
A gold watch engraved "To Whitey, with love, Alice."
A catalogue from the Acme Company the page dealing with "Instant Holes" is bookmarked.

[clayton_e]

A small, primitive-looking butterfly in a glass case. It is half-crushed; indentations in the wings suggest the sole of a heavy hunting boot. A small tag attached to the glass case lists only the item's number and what seems to be a prehistoric date.

:p

and CandidGamera.. that's... impressive. Could you put the file up online somewhere?

And did you eventually start to see repeats in order or something? Or is it just random?

[Diceman]

My favorite: "A sheaf of parchment proving that Shakespear wrote all of Francis Bacon's works."

[CandidGamera]

:p

and CandidGamera.. that's... impressive. Could you put the file up online somewhere?

And did you eventually start to see repeats in order or something? Or is it just random?

I imagine I could, had I space and bandwidth somewhere. Let me peek at the file size when I get home and try to decide if it will overtax my webhosting solution.

And yes, things do repeat, but not in order. While my memory is excellent and I can spot a repeat nine times out of ten (even after going through nearly 1,000 entires per floor) I relied upon MS Access - I made the "Crate Text" a key field, so if I would copy and paste a duplicate entry, I'd violate a uniqueness constraint.

As far as I can tell, the five floors each have approximately 1,000 entries, and there is no crossover between floors.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

A large briefcase containing the following items: A black collapsible snap-brim hat, mirrored shades, black suit coat, black pants, black dress shirt, black tie, black shoes, black socks, and bright pink underwear with the word "Chuckles" written on it in neon green. 1d4 rounds after opening the briefcase, the players will be physically assaulted by the angriest MIB they have ever seen . . . who is, oddly enough, blushing.

All I can do is smile.... :)

[Sunspace]

I found that site yesterday after following the link from Bosda's sig. I added something.

You'll have to figure out what it was. Because I... um, "don't renmember".

[clayton_e]

I imagine I could, had I space and bandwidth somewhere. Let me peek at the file size when I get home and try to decide if it will overtax my webhosting solution.

I take back my request.. They ask that the contents are not listed in total anywhere and mention vaguely that it falls under copyright. And even if it doesn't.. I'm having fun hitting refresh over and over.

[merrily]

A bolt of the fabric of the universe. Annoyingly, it's plaid.

Two documents relating to Fermat's Last Theorem. One is a short and correct proof. The other is a counterexample

An ATM card keyed to Hitler's secret Swiss bank account. Unfortunately, the PIN has been lost.

A large glass case, containing two office desks, stacked on top of each other with their tops facing. The two surfaces appear to have bonded together. A plaque on the front of the case reads: "Experiment #24567: Desktop Fusion."

A copy of "Finnegan's Wake," by James Joyce. In this version, the words have been rearranged so as to make sense.

Several boxes each containing a set of three shoes - left, right and center.

(Oh, yes, I'm going to get a lot of work done tomorrow...)

[Sunspace]

I just added some more. :)

[Sunspace]

A large map of the US and Canada (folded up and stamped `Top Secret'). Several large arrows start in Canada and point at important US cities and military installations. At the base of each arrow is a military sounding label such as `25th Airborne', `6th Mech. Inf.', or `1st Armored Canoe Division'. Heh. :)

[dogbutler]

My favorite:
A box from a popular pizza chain. It is closed with heavy duct tape but emits a wonderful aroma. Should the box be opened, there will be revealed a large pizza with everything, which will immediately separate into twelve slices and attempt to slither away. Each slice is intelligent, malignant, and in telepathic contact with the others. If this happens in the Warehouse, over the next few weeks a number of rats will be found smothered to death with globs of cheese. Worse things will happen if the box is opened outside the Warehouse. But the pizza is delicious

I think Bosda found this one already:
A black baseball cap with the All-Seeing Pyramid on the front and the legend "Carpe Fnord" on the back. Anybody who puts this hat on will never want to part with it, only taking it off to sleep (and sometimes not even then). That person also gains the Delusions "Everybody hates me," "Everybody is part of the Illuminati," and "Everybody is trying to drive me insane."

[clayton_e]

and "Everybody is trying to drive me insane."

And "Everyone thinks I'm insane."

[Garfield226]

To go along with the ballcap...The Box of Denial. A small safe-sized black box with a heavy hinged lid. There are government stamps on the side but the Latin mottos are unreadable and blurred. Whatever you put in the box becomes corrupted and unbelievable in some way - photos of moon landings look like they have been tinkered with, aliens on autopsy videos look like latex fakes and maps change to make the shot from the grassy knoll impossible. Unfortunately, it can never be used to PROVE anything...

[tashabot]

Telephone directories for Asgard, Mount Olympus, Purgatory, Nirvana, and Duluth, Minnesota.

What seems to be a mobile phone with a single red button. Anyone pressing the button will reach an operator who can connect the user to anyone or anything. A yellowed note in the bottom of the box reads, in shaky handwriting, "Don't ask for Cthulhu, not even as a joke!"

An Etch-A-Sketch. It's got 16 megs of RAM.

A weed-whacker, a live chicken, and a bottle of peach preserves.

A cigarette. If lit, it will instantly summon all buses and trams in a 10-mile radius.

A city in a bottle. It's Cleveland.

A Teletubby/English English/Teletubby dictionary. The program isn't remotely cute when you understand the words...


I spend too much time just....looking...at that Web site.

~Tasha

[CandidGamera]

I take back my request.. They ask that the contents are not listed in total anywhere and mention vaguely that it falls under copyright. And even if it doesn't.. I'm having fun hitting refresh over and over.

Ah, just peeked at the FAQ - the bit about Compilation Copyright is new to me, and I don't think it was there the last time I read the FAQ.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

I think Bosda found this one already:
A black baseball cap with the All-Seeing Pyramid on the front and the legend "Carpe Fnord" on the back. Anybody who puts this hat on will never want to part with it, only taking it off to sleep (and sometimes not even then). That person also gains the Delusions "Everybody hates me," "Everybody is part of the Illuminati," and "Everybody is trying to drive me insane."


IT'S NOT A DELUSION!!!!


You're trying to make people think I'm Crazy, aren't you?!?

You're ALL trying to make people think I'm Crazy, aren't you?!?

Everybody's against me!
Against me...and against my Pretty Cap!
Soooo pretty...nice cap...my preciousssss....












:D

[MacTech]

I could use some of this stuff, actually....

You open one of the 1000 boxes on this floor and find...

A 8oz. spray can with a plastic nozzle extender. The can is labeled "Magic Blue Smoke Replacement" . Label instructions direct the user to spray this stuff on broken/suspect electronic parts, right in-circuit. Treated parts will be like new in functionality, but their appearance won't change. A treated toasted transistor will still look toasted, but it will work fine. There is enough 'blue smoke' in this can to fix a thoroughly toasted/zapped personal computer.

[Lightnin']

The most terrifying object I found actually requires a bit of thought to work out exactly what's so dangerous about it.

It was a room-temperature icecube.

[Labtrash]

You open one of the 1002 boxes on this floor and find...

A red uniform. If it is worn on any kind of expedition, the wearer is 500 times more likely to die from an alien attack, natural disaster, bizarre disease, etc.. than before. If the wearer is somehow separated from the group, you might as well quit looking for him now.

...so THAT'S where they came from...

[Sunspace]

A padlocked case in which is held a bronze amulet resembling a steering wheel covered with mystic runes. Documents indicate that whoever wears the amulet will, under the light of the full moon, be transformed into whatever object is represented by the name of his or her car. There are also photocopies of the minutes of the meeting at which most of the major car manufacturers were convinced to, henceforth, give their new cars meaningless names, and a permit for the summary destruction of any and all Chevy Novas. I should hope so!

[NicePete]

The most terrifying object I found actually requires a bit of thought to work out exactly what's so dangerous about it.

It was a room-temperature icecube.

Ice-nine!

[Lumpy]

I submitted a handwritten journal purporting to be the account of a time-traveler who will soon cease to exist because of accidently creating a temporal paradox. The journal is in the reader's handwriting.

[Dr. Rieux]

I haven't gone through the site, but there's one I remember from a GURPS "Best of Pyramid" book. I wonder if it's there. It went something like this:
A 12-year-old girl, in suspended animation, wrapped in plastic film. If unwrapped, she awakens. The last thing she remembers is walking into a drugstore in Toledo, Ohio in i952.

[Sunspace]

I submitted one that went something like, "[...you open the box and find:] A two-metre-wide cupcake. When translated from the ancient Greek, writing on the cupcake's icing reads, 'And now you are one!'. The cupcake is slightly stale but otherwise quite delicious. There is a single huge bite taken from it." :)

[dogbutler]

A pack of Twinkies that have passed their expiration date. Small lizard-like creatures are hatching from them.

This explains some things....

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

I made a submission to the Secret Illuminated Masters of Warehouse 23.

You find 3 bags, similar to the kind that potato chips are kept in, but larger (1.5 Meters).They are each labeled "A Big Bag Of Freak!" If you open one up, a hulking creature (2.5 Meters Tall) will emerge. The Freak has 3 fingers on each hand, one arm longer than the other, a hunchback, and a single eye in the middle of its forehead. He is carrying a large club, with which he begins to clobber any member of the party within reach. Treat The Freak as an Ogre, with a -4 Penalty to hit with ranged attacks (no depth perception), and 2 attacks per round. He will fight to the death. The second bag also contains an identical Freak. The third is empty.

[Sunspace]

Another submission:

"The box is almost full of a thick, sweet-smelling, viscous liquid that is whirling to a stop, as if a blender had just been turned off. A few bubbles surface and pop.

Upon investigation, the liquid proves to be a 'smoothie', a drink made from pulverised fruit and vegetables, water, hemp oil, and vitamin extract. It is an unnerving greenish-red, as if someone had combined strawberries and spinach. It is quite delicious, though, and nourishes and refreshes the onlookers who sample it.

If someone thinks to strain it with a coarse mesh, they will find fruit pieces in visually-disturbing shapes."

Guess what I had for breakfast. :)