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alice_in_wonderland
01-10-2007, 10:51 PM
K, that's not quite what I mean.

I mean how do you have sex with your dog in the room or on the bed or whatever?

Honestly, it has never come up. It's been a while since I got any action at home - so long that I'm not sure how you handle the dog when the time comes.

Thing is, he sleeps on my bed. So, when it's bed time, he wants to come to bed. Now, if you're just sleeping I'm assuming that's no problem, but I don't want a cold dog nose in an innappropriate place at an inopportune time, if you know what I mean.

However, if I put him on the floor he might cry.

GRRRR - OK, I guess what I'm asking is - Doper guys - if you're crushing on a girl and she has a dog, and push comes to shove, how should she handle the dog? Should she just say "My dog may cry - please try to ignore it?" should she lock the dog in another room even though he WILL cry? Should she let the dog sit on the side of the bed?

It's amazing to me that at 34 this situation has never come up for me, but there you go.

Not that I'm going to be having sex, mind you. But if I was...

saoirse
01-10-2007, 11:00 PM
I've been there. We just had sex with the dogs in the bed, or rather rhile the dogs were in the bed. It was kind of yucky, I guess, but on the other hand, you know, I was having sex. I didn't really analyze it too much. Mostly we just went to my place.

Savannah
01-10-2007, 11:05 PM
We started with the dog in the bathroom. Then the dog could be in the room, on the floor.

Then the dog learned to jump on the bed, even without her "step". (She's only 6 pounds, and the bed's kind of high.)

We kept going anyway. :)

She just curled up at the foot and... Gosh. Probably watched.

alice_in_wonderland
01-10-2007, 11:09 PM
She just curled up at the foot and... Gosh. Probably watched.

Ok, there are some things that I really don't think I want my dog to see. He's just a child.

Ahem - so, I guess what I'm really wondering is, is having a goofy dog going to be a deal breaker? I mean - I would think access to boobies would make everything ok, until I read the "shave your pooter" thread and found out that not having the right style of pube can be a deal breaker for some guys.

John Carter of Mars
01-10-2007, 11:31 PM
I have known three different dogs in three different circumstances such as you describe.
Not known in the biblical sense, mind you. Known in the same sense as you are going to have sex with your dog....wait, this is turning out poorly. Let's try again:

The dog will curl up and sleep through it, being totally bored with the humans who are thrashing about. Unless there's something to eat involved. Don't bring a potted meat sandwich to bed with you, or piece of fried chicken and all should go well.

If your guy has a problem with the dog, or access to boobies isn't enough for him, keep the dog and find another guy.

A cat, however, is quite another matter. Cats like to sniff at the source of strange and enticing new smells. By all means, lock the cat up or put it outside. Kitty will degrade your experience by quite a bit, and even boobie access might not be enough to entice you gentleman caller into staying if a feline companion is to share your bed.

There's a line for "Lucky Dog" in here somewhere, but it evades me at the moment.

Good luck!

Valgard
01-10-2007, 11:43 PM
A cat, however, is quite another matter. Cats like to sniff at the source of strange and enticing new smells. By all means, lock the cat up or put it outside. Kitty will degrade your experience by quite a bit, and even boobie access might not be enough to entice you gentleman caller into staying if a feline companion is to share your bed.

Both of my cats (the small hyper female and the large male meatloaf) sat on the floor and tried to figure out what was going on. They did not start investigating, howling or swatting playfully at any dangly bits.

Once she and I were blissfully zonked out they were happy to hop onto the blankets, cuddle up and fall asleep.

I have heard stories of getting surprised by a cold wet doggy nose poking you in the butt at an inopportune moment but if that happened to me in the throes of passion I'd probably say something bad and shove the dog away and keep doing my thang.

myskepticsight
01-11-2007, 12:45 AM
That reminds me of the conversation in 40 Year Old Virgin.


paraphrased because I forgot the exact dialogue and am lazy:
-I was doing this chick and all of a sudden her dog started licking my asshole.
-Did you finish? You're gross I know you finished.
-I finished.
And I stole the dog.


The pet issue has never came up. The ex bought a dog after I dumped him. At least he replaced me with a cute dog.

I'd say the dogs should be somewhere else and let back in the room afterwards if that is where they sleep.

Voyager
01-11-2007, 01:47 AM
You can firmly order the dog off the bed. Not a big issue. Our dog, if he senses any interest in the air, humps his bed though.

Our problem is that afterwards he wants to jump on the bed and lick our faces, since he knows he's been excluded from something and gets insecure.

bbs2k
01-11-2007, 01:56 AM
The only time I dated a girl with dogs they were kept locked out of the room, because there were 3 of them, and they were small and jumpy and needed to be on the bed. That would have been too large of an audience for either of us.

Dearest OP, I don't think you're the least bit strange for asking this. Especially considering I knew a friend of mine (another girl) who had to get rid of a FISH because she couldn't stand the thought of being seen naked by it.

Selkie
01-11-2007, 03:01 AM
I've had some curious and less than obedient dogs in my day, but for the most part, a good glare kept them away. Perhaps in your situation, a baby gate is in order? That way your dog can see you but not join in the festivities.

My cat is another story. Although all she does is metloaf from a high place, her stare of deliberate indifference crossed with impatience is a sight to behold:"Ho hum, the humans are mating again. When are they going to stop so I can reclaim my bed?" Because, as I'm sure everyone with a cat understands, all beds belong to the cat, and we humans only borrow them from time to time. Fortunately, anyone who spends any time with me understands this fact of life.

Freudian Push Up Bra
01-11-2007, 04:13 AM
I wait in wonder for the day I forget I have the dog (shared custody with the grandparents so to speak) and the boyfriend comes down to see me. Alvin is a full grown Rottweiler who has a bit of a jealousy complex but I think it only applied when Mum and Dad were sitting on the couch watching TV. And he always has to be in the room with you, unless it's hot, in which case, he'll be on the bathroom tiles thankyouverymuch.

LSLGuy
01-11-2007, 07:10 AM
As a non-pet-owning male person I've gotta say that I'd expect our first few events on your bed to be completely sans dog. I don't care where you put him/her, but in the room with us is not an option.

Maybe after we've gotten past the getting used to each other phase, and I've gotten past the getting used to your critter phase, the dog can be in the room. But it'll still probably be a little unpleasantly surprised at what happens next if/when it decides to join in the festivities.

I'm not anti-pet. I'm just a strongly humans-first kinda guy & the dog ain't helping what we're doing.

LSLGuy
01-11-2007, 07:11 AM
Oh, and I guess you picked the right Audrey Hepburn dress for that date?

Details, we want details. ...

Renee
01-11-2007, 07:24 AM
Ours get kicked out of the room for the duration. They get over it.

Elza B
01-11-2007, 08:15 AM
Ours get kicked out of the room for the duration. They get over it.

Same with the cats. However, my boy cat, although I've been living with and married to ElzaHub for three years now, is still convinced that he's hurting me - so the second the bedroom door gets opened, my cat runs in, swats the hell out of my husband's ankles, hisses and howls, and then runs downstairs to wait for a treat.

We think he has Oedipussy issues.

E.

Sapo
01-11-2007, 08:24 AM
Rub yourselves in bacon and make it a threesome.

No really, absolutely no dogs/cats/ferrets/parakeets in the room during sex. Maybe later on but, at first, no pets. The baby gate idea sounds just perfect.

yBeayf
01-11-2007, 08:24 AM
My cats are terrified of strangers, unless said stranger is on the bed with me, in which case they *must* be on the bed, too. They are also absolutely obsessed with female crotch. They get kicked out of the room.

silenus
01-11-2007, 08:58 AM
Our cats just get booted off the bed for the duration. I've felt them jump back up, but otherwise they just stay clear of the thrashing humans and wait for the show to be over. Although once Pixel did jump up on my ass for a ride in the middle of things. I kept going, but my wife was laughing too hard to really continue. I tossed Pix onto the other side of the bed and resumed.

Sunrazor
01-11-2007, 09:24 AM
I don't do well with an audience. The big dog, being curious, wants to stand at the side of the bed and watch, wagging her tail in what I assume is the dog equivalent of applause. She goes outside whenever things get romantic around our house. The little dog, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with the situation and excuses herself to the other room. Actually, I think she just doesn't like the bed moving, doesn't want to lie on the floor, so she retires to the living room where she can nap on the sofa.

When my wife and I were first married, we owned a huge dog -- St. Bernard/German shepherd mix -- named Hercules who, unbeknownst to us, was terrified of lightning and thunder. One summer evening right after we got Hercules, a thunderstorm blew up over our town. We were already nearly naked from just trying to stay cool in the sweltering heat, and the coming storm, along with the cool breeze suddenly wafting through the house (plus the fact that we were still newlyweds) inspired us to romance. The experience was heightened by the flashing of the lightning and the booming of the thunder -- until Herculese, startled by the storm, came galloping into the bedroom and tried to find shelter under the bed. He got under the bed, all right, but nothing breaks the mood quite like a bed leaping about under you. We literally had to take the bed apart to get him out.

Baracus
01-11-2007, 09:34 AM
A cat, however, is quite another matter. Cats like to sniff at the source of strange and enticing new smells.
And dogs don't? My dog doesn't just like to sniff but roll around in new, enticing smells. The biggest thrill of his day is to stick his head in my just-kicked-off shoes and thrash around. I don't think either of us smells quite like that but he gets the boot when things start getting hot and heavy, nonetheless. I am pretty sure the only thing he resents is getting kicked off his throne.

Missy2U
01-11-2007, 09:35 AM
The dog goes in the hallway. Granted, he keeps bumping into the door and making noise till we let him in, but that's ok - drowns us out so no one else hears.

fisha
01-11-2007, 09:36 AM
We used to have a part wolf dog that would howl at the climactic moment. That takes some getting used to.

scareyfaerie
01-11-2007, 09:38 AM
'im indoors won't even entertain the notion of getting up to *anything* if the cat's watching. He's obviously worried that she'll point and laugh.

fachverwirrt
01-11-2007, 10:09 AM
We have a cat who's rather, well, curious. Depending on how... distracted we are, we either push her off the bed or ignore her altogether.

crazyjoe
01-11-2007, 10:20 AM
Have sex on the couch instead?

Sapo
01-11-2007, 10:34 AM
... but nothing breaks the mood quite like a bed leaping about under you.

Are you kidding?, people in cheap motels voluntarily give their hard-earned quarters for a few minutes of a bumping bed while they have sex.

Tuckerfan
01-11-2007, 11:00 AM
Ok, there are some things that I really don't think I want my dog to see. He's just a child.

Ahem - so, I guess what I'm really wondering is, is having a goofy dog going to be a deal breaker? I mean - I would think access to boobies would make everything ok, until I read the "shave your pooter" thread and found out that not having the right style of pube can be a deal breaker for some guys.
Meh, any guy who's turned off by a gal not having her pubes shaved the right way (assuming the way she does have them shaved doesn't cause chaffing issues) probably has some other "issues" will turn out to be unpleasant.

I've had a cold doggie nose shoved up my butt whilst I was getting my thang on on, and it's a bit of a shock, but we simply batted the dog away, laughed hysterically and continued on. I've also had a kitten curl up on my back while I was workin', and the only problem was shifting around so that the kitten could be removed before she started sliding and whipped out the old claws to stabilize herself.

Antinor01
01-11-2007, 11:08 AM
Never had this come up with a dog, but my cat used to watch. I had a king size bed in an old waterbed frame. The kind with the headboard with the mirror and shelves and such. He usually would just jump up on top of the headboard and watch or nap. Sometimes he would lay on one side of the bed, being kingsize there was plenty of room so that we didn't really notice him.

Glassy
01-11-2007, 11:20 AM
I'm not sure what my dog thinks is happening when I have sex, but he doesn't like it. I think he thinks I'm being attacked or harmed. (I, um, make a little noise.) He's much too gentle and polite to actually defend me, but he definitely gets worried.

He stands beside the bed and looks on with a wrinkled brow. If you don't pay attention to this, he starts to cry. Then he starts to paw the side of the bed. His anxiety increases with the intensity of the sex, until he's barking and bristling and at the climactic moment.

Impossible to ignore. Out he goes. Back when I was married and getting some, putting the dog outside was one of the ways we'd signal to each other that we were in the mood.

Elendil's Heir
01-11-2007, 11:22 AM
We used to have a part wolf dog that would howl at the climactic moment....

Are you sure that wasn't you?

I read, long ago, that Napoleon was once bitten by Josephine's dog when he jumped in bed a bit too aggressively for some imperial lovin'.

nashiitashii
01-11-2007, 11:24 AM
We've got a 60 lb. dog whose personality is akin to that of a toddler, and of course she only sort of understands sex. Actually, she understands sex as Mommy and Daddy are trying to make a new baby* (this goes for when I'm menstruating as well) unless we really get into it, and then she has to make sure that Mommy and Daddy aren't hurting each other. We've never really tried the whole "shutting her out of the room" thing, as, well, we were almost living together by the time we got her, and she's already proven that would have been a very bad idea. Only rule, however, is that she is not allowed on the bed. If she gets on the bed before we're done, she gets moved off quickly by one of us without comment. After we're done, she gets to come hang out on the bed, because apparently this is time to reassure her that she is our spoiled little dog and we're not replacing her.


*Sounds weird, but she hasn't fully convinced herself that she's not human... and, of course, of the fact that she's not a puppy anymore. There are still days when she reverts to puppy behavior and personality, but they're becoming more rare as time goes on. Neither the TashiBoy nor I have human children. The dog and the guinea pig are enough responsibility.

Cervaise
01-11-2007, 11:34 AM
I'll also take exception to the comment about cats. My girlfriend (who is not much of a cat person) was initially wary when the fuzzy black land shark jumped onto my bed during our evening exercises. He curled up at the end, trying to get comfortable on the jiggling surface. After a few minutes of that, he gave us a brief dirty look and jumped back down to sleep on the floor, ignoring us. When we were done, he rejoined us in bed and slept in his preferred spot. Basically it's a non-issue.The biggest thrill of his day is to stick his head in my just-kicked-off shoes and thrash around.Tiny dog or freakishly big feet? You decide. :p

Voyager
01-11-2007, 11:41 AM
Are you sure that wasn't you?

I read, long ago, that Napoleon was once bitten by Josephine's dog when he jumped in bed a bit too aggressively for some imperial lovin'.
I read this in a book about dogs in history, and IIRC, it was A, on their wedding night and B - the dog bit him in his bony part.

Richard Pearse
01-11-2007, 11:54 AM
Those of you with cats might like to purr-chase this lovely book. (http://www.artybees.co.nz/bizarre-book-pages/burtonsilver-kama-sutra-for-cats.htm)

Misnomer
01-11-2007, 12:32 PM
My boyfriend has a dog (a Beagle) who likes to be on the bed with us, and is also something of a compulsive licker. We deal with it by pushing her off the bed: she'll jump back up every now and then, but we just keep pushing her off and we've always been able to do what we want to do. I think she's been curled up at the foot of the bed once or twice "during," but that doesn't bother either of us. My boyfriend is on the quiet side during sex, and I'm sure it helps that he's not the one being "hurt."

When we're done we tend to lie together naked for a while, and that's when we let her back up on the bed and we take turns petting her. It can be a little awkward when she suddenly licks something other than a hand or a face ( :eek: ), but so far it's been working out ok.

Shakes
01-11-2007, 12:43 PM
My dog (for some strange reason) doesn't like PDAs. Everytime he sees me so much as hug another person he starts to growl. I can imagine he'd probably go apeshit if he saw me "get'n my groove on." so to speak.


I say just keep the dog outside the room then let him back in when your done.


Hypotheticaly of course. ;)

AHunter3
01-11-2007, 01:11 PM
K, that's not quite what I mean.


I mean how do you have sex with your dog in the room or on the bed or whatever?

Your sentence construction still lends itself quite readily to some interpretations that you might deem unfortunate.


To answer what I assume is your actual question: our chihuahua is insanely jealous, with a full-blown Electra Complex obsession. Yep, I'm hers, and never mind sex per se, if I so much as try to hold hands or bring my face within kissing range of She Who is Most Nibbleworthy, here comes the puppynose, Ms Nibs gets ascended like a promontory, and from that vantage point the chihuahua does what she can to fend me off or distract me. {Pay attention to ME, not HER. Any attention is good, even if you're pissed off}

I have no really good answers aside from locking the canine in the bathroom for the duration and putting the music up loud.

Kalhoun
01-11-2007, 01:34 PM
Our cats like to dig up the carpeting by closed doors, so we always have ours open. Sometimes someone will wander in and try to get "front row center" seats for all the action, but usually the dirty talk turns them off and they just skulk away shaking their little kitty heads.

Rubystreak
01-11-2007, 01:43 PM
My dog is freaked out by us having sex and she goes and hides in my walk-in closet. In fact, she ensconces her 85 lb. self into my steamer trunk of sweaters. It's a bit odd but we laugh about it. Poor doggy! She tends to react strongly to any show of emotion by me.

The cats, however, sometimes lay on the bed through the whole thing. My cat Harley won't get up for anyone unless he wants to, so we just ignore him as long as he doesn't get in the way. He seems completely indifferent.

My boyfriend's cat will bite our feet during sex, though, when he's in a jerkish mood. I could live without that.

Stranger On A Train
01-11-2007, 02:29 PM
Ahem - so, I guess what I'm really wondering is, is having a goofy dog going to be a deal breaker? I mean - I would think access to boobies would make everything ok, until I read the "shave your pooter" thread and found out that not having the right style of pube can be a deal breaker for some guys.Kick it (the dog, not the boyfriend) out of the room for the duration, maybe with a rawhide chew to keep it occupied. It'll figure it out. Afterward, it's not really an issue (at least for me) if the dog wants to sleep on the bed, so long as it stays down at the foot and doesn't deliberately try to take up all the real estate. Now, I'd be concerned for other reasons if the dog can't be parted from the owner or vice versa, even for a few minutes (or hopefully, a couple of hours) but that's a wolf of a different color, if you follow my meaning.

The whole "not having the right style of pube" thing sounds like a dodge to me. I haven't read the thread (nor can I admit any interest in searching for it) but seriously, if I've gotten to the point of intimacy that I know what the area in question looks like and everything else is going okay (i.e. no crying fits, revelations of childhood molestation, festering sores, et cetera) I'm not really going to factor the caretaking of The Black Forest (or Red, or Blonde, or whatever) as a significant decision maker. I have to suspect that anyone who takes issue with something of that nature has some deeper issues than a bit of grooming will take care of.

Stranger

appleciders
01-11-2007, 02:43 PM
My dog has a terrible sense of jealousy and will start whining, barking, and nudging if we're doing so much as kissing, so he'd have to go outside during anything more interesting. I don't think he's worried, just sees that attention is being paid to someone other than him, when this attention could so easily be lavished on him if he only reminded us that he was there.

Cats seem much less interested, in my experience. Most of them seem only to want to sit at the foot of the bed and give you dirty looks for moving. One slightly awkward experience with cats, though; has anyone else here ever owned a cat who liked to headbutt you as a greeting? Just a friendly head-bump, which is cute, as long as it's the correct head being bumped.

Not a Platypus
01-11-2007, 03:14 PM
I don't have dogs (wish I did), but 3 cats. They don't sleep in my room anyway, or they keep me awake, and they definitely get booted out if sex is happening.

Interested or not, I don't like having critters in the room watching. Especially since one of my cats insists on crawling under the blankets if I do let her in.

cowgirl
01-11-2007, 03:32 PM
My dog appears to love naked people. Normally I never shut the bathroom door so he's usually in there with me; when I shower he tries to stick his head into the tub, and I can't have a bath with him in there because he licks whatever part of me is sticking out of the water. Whenever someone is shut in the bathroom he anxiously waits outside for the first chance to lick the first flesh he sees. My new BF loooooves the dog but is more than a little freaked out by the hungry look on his (the dog's) face when he (the BF) steps out of the shower. The dog also licks the BF's feet at every opportunity, which doesn't go over well either.

Suffice it to say, the dog is not allowed in the room when the show is on.

Cat Whisperer
01-11-2007, 03:40 PM
This is yet another reason for not getting in the habit of letting your pets sleep with you. We kick our cats out of the bedroom whenever we feel like it, and they might not like it much, but TFB - they ain't paying the mortgage here. :D

Freudian Push Up Bra
01-11-2007, 06:51 PM
My Dad's first dog was a habitual licker - when my Dad was sitting down, the dog would lie under his legs and lick his ankles. My Dad is allergic to the oils on cats and dogs which is why we wash the dog every week or so, and as a result he'd get big rashes where the dog had repeatedly licked or rubbed his face against him. Our other dog also used to lick my legs when I got out of the shower. It's a grooming thing, I think.

Geek Mecha
01-11-2007, 07:17 PM
or rather rhile the dogs were in the bed.
Was one dog Scooby Doo?

This thread has made me realize I probably can't ever have pets, or I have to have a firm no-pets-in-the-bedroom rule. My bed is for me. It needs to either smell like me or my SO, or like clean linens. I would be completely grossed out by bed that had a pet smell. I couldn't lie in that bed, much less boink in it. And if the pet interrupted the boinking... oh lord, heaven help that animal....

Czarcasm
01-11-2007, 07:41 PM
I'm sorry, but I have to rename this thread something other than,"How do you have sex with your dog?". I was fine with it until I noticed it was right above the thread titled,"Would you eat this meat?"

alice_in_wonderland
01-11-2007, 08:38 PM
I'm sorry, but I have to rename this thread something other than,"How do you have sex with your dog?". I was fine with it until I noticed it was right above the thread titled,"Would you eat this meat?"

Dude - you're giving step by step instructions about how to throw a good orgy in that other thread, and you're objecting to my TITLE?

Well fine then. Mr. Poopie Pants. :D

(FWIW I sort of figured the roll over would eliminate any confusion.)

Misnomer
01-11-2007, 09:33 PM
I would be completely grossed out by bed that had a pet smell.If bed has a "pet smell" it's because the sheets aren't being changed often enough. Yuck!

My boyfriend's dog sleeps in the bed with him all of the time (under the covers, even), and I have never noticed a "dog" smell in his bed. It always smells like a combination of clean sheets and him, and I'm there at least once a week.

Czarcasm
01-11-2007, 09:34 PM
Dude - you're giving step by step instructions about how to throw a good orgy in that other thread, and you're objecting to my TITLE?

Well fine then. Mr. Poopie Pants. :D

(FWIW I sort of figured the roll over would eliminate any confusion.)
Just be glad I didn't combine the two threads. :D

Queuing
01-11-2007, 09:44 PM
My GF (at the time) had a couple of schnauzers (those little dogs with beards for those not in the know), well technically her parents did and one time we were doing the deed (in her parents bed which was king size) and one of the dogs was on the bed. She seemed mildly worried about was going on. The more intense it became the closer the dog got. I was trying to ignore the dog, but my instincts were telling me to keep an eye on the dog, so I did. As she got closer, and louder, the dog suddenly backed up a couple of steps, and LEAPED at me. Holy crap, did that scare me. I was naked, and a dog was leaping at me, baring its teeth. You have never seen a human move quicker then I did at that moment, managing to grab the dog mere centimetres before it was close enough to taste me. While my unit was never in danger, most of it being safely kept by her, it did interrupt things. Not for long though. The dog was put outside the room.

As to the actual OP, I would gauge the reaction of the guy towards the dog; is he a dog person? At least a pet person? If so I wouldn't worry about having the dog in the room. The first time on the bed might be a little much though.

Sleel
01-12-2007, 05:30 AM
My now-wife then-girlfriend's poodle used to cause me no small amount of grief when I first started seeing her. I still kind of hate the damn thing sometimes, though I no longer want to throw him off the eighth floor balcony on a regular basis. The first time we had sex, he started barking just as I was getting close. That made it very, very hard for me to finish. He did that a lot, and he had abominable timing. Drove me frigging nuts. Worse were the times he'd jump up on the bed and stick his nose in my butt, or even worse, try to lick stuff. Apparently, human juices are appealing to the little rat.

She had a kind of studio, so it was difficult to put him someplace and we didn't always plan for things to happen. He didn't always cause trouble, so we didn't always throw him out. We finally ended up putting him in the bathroom when he was being too much of a pain. Well, there was the one time when we tried just putting him in the entrance section (there was a door dividing the small entrance-way from the rest of the apartment) and he pissed on my backpack. I insisted on the bathroom after that.

My vote: strangle the . . . er, I mean, throw the dog out of the room, put it where it's not going to get into anything, do anything to prevent it getting in the way of sex. Your boyfriend will definitely resent it if there are any interruptions during festivities. And believe me, the only thing that kills ardor more quickly than a cold nose in the taint is a dog licking something, whether your feet or something else. Even she was annoyed enough to literally knock the little bugger off the bed when he licked her butt once when she was on top.

I have never wanted to rend a living thing limb from limb more than the second time he started barking his head off when I was trying to come. The first time, okay, new thing, I can take that in stride. Second time, when I'd gotten through about an hour of foreplay and other fun and was in the home stretch after much delightful bouncing, that was a challenge. I've mostly come to terms with him (I have to after all if I want to live with my wife) and he hasn't done any of those things for years, but when I remember the crap he put me through in the early days I think fondly of the shortness of doggie lifespans. Only about 10 more years to go. (Dammit!)

Sapo
01-12-2007, 09:21 AM
I'm sorry, but I have to rename this thread something other than,"How do you have sex with your dog?". I was fine with it until I noticed it was right above the thread titled,"Would you eat this meat?"
And with this post you just created a new MB game: "Awkward thread titles yuxtaposition mania", just in case the "funny username-subject combo spotting" wasn't cutting it for some. I am seeing the forum with different eyes now.

Misnomer
01-12-2007, 09:27 AM
And with this post you just created a new MB game: "Awkward thread titles yuxtaposition maniaHardly new: there's usually at least one active thread with "sequential threads" in the title (I think they usually appear in MPSIMS) at all times. :)

saoirse
01-12-2007, 10:31 AM
The question is not clear. How do you have sex with your dog in which room?

Cervaise
01-12-2007, 10:52 AM
a couple of schnauzers (those little dogs with beards for those not in the know)Tom Cruise is a Schnauzer?

gonzomax
01-12-2007, 11:00 AM
I have never had sex with my dog in the room or porch or anyplace else.

Lissa
01-12-2007, 11:15 AM
Actually, she understands sex as Mommy and Daddy are trying to make a new baby . . .

I've imagined a Far Side version of this conversation between my dogs, staring at the closed bedroom door:

"Well, they're at it again."

"Man, they've gotta be doing something wrong! Eight years of this and still no puppies!"

Sapo
01-12-2007, 11:44 AM
Hardly new: there's usually at least one active thread with "sequential threads" in the title (I think they usually appear in MPSIMS) at all times. :)
Is that what those are? How do they work?

saoirse
01-12-2007, 12:22 PM
Is that what those are? How do they work?

Maybe you should open one and find out. I know, you've heard that before, but really nothing bad will happen.

Geek Mecha
01-12-2007, 02:25 PM
If bed has a "pet smell" it's because the sheets aren't being changed often enough. Yuck!

My boyfriend's dog sleeps in the bed with him all of the time (under the covers, even), and I have never noticed a "dog" smell in his bed. It always smells like a combination of clean sheets and him, and I'm there at least once a week.
Now you've got me worried that I know some really gross people....

Slypork
01-12-2007, 03:40 PM
We tried to ignore the dog and push it off the bed. One time we were having a great time and I was on the downstroke, so to speak, when I felt a cold wet nose in my butt. Needless to say I was a little surprised and completed the motion but into the wrong orifice. My wife was not amused. She simultaneously attempted to climb backwards up the bed while pushing me away. She slammed her head against the headboard. I, on the other hand, was unceremoniously shoved over the footboard, bouncing off the hope chest that sits at the foot of our bed, bashed my head on the floor and completed my backwards somersault by attempting to impale my protruding parts through the carpeting. The dog apparently thought this was a great game to play so he started running back and forth across my naked ass barking at the top of his lungs. The kids, of course, woke up and wanted to know what all the racket was about. I told them I had tripped. My wife was trying to stifle her giggles while rubbing her sore head and violated tush and I was cupping my mangled manhood.

The next time, we made sure the dog was on the floor. He was angry that we wouldn’t let him join in the fun game anymore, so he peed on my underwear that were laying on the floor next to the bed.

Now I lock him out of the bedroom.

I have also learned that some cats consider any vertical pole to be scratching posts. One girlfriend had paused in her hands on ministrations to find a condom. When she turned away her cute little tabby decided that her claws needed a little sharpening and my privates were the perfect surface to use. She clamped on and would not let go no matter how hard I pulled. I finally managed to pry those spikes out of my tenderized genitals and threw her away from me. My girlfriend was more concerned about the condition of the cat than of me. I never saw her again. Good riddance.

Steve MB
01-12-2007, 03:44 PM
How do you have sex with your dog in the room?
This is one of those times when the English language needs better clause demarcation.

SlowMindThinking
01-12-2007, 06:10 PM
... It's been a while since I got any action at home - so long that I'm not sure how you handle the dog when the time comes.
...

It's amazing to me that at 34 this situation has never come up for me, but there you go.

Not that I'm going to be having sex, mind you. But if I was...

Things on this board have changed indeed. It wasn't that long ago that an OP like this would have dozens of volunteers to provide experimental evidence as to the best solution. Too bad I'm married.

Having four dogs to go with the five kids, perhaps I have some wisdom. The clear solution was to train the dog not to sleep on the bed, at least when you are in it, as a puppy. None of our dogs have bed privileges on any bed. In fact, our dogs do not sleep in our bedroom; they are all sleep in the kids' bedrooms. You can still do this, it is just harder, and you'll have some sleepless nights until he gets the idea.

Otherwise, find a real dog lover for whom access to your particular boobies overcomes any reticence to your dog's presence.

Of course, I do meet those criteria. However, it would purely be in the interest of science. Purely.

iamthewalrus(:3=
01-12-2007, 08:03 PM
Back when I was married and getting some, putting the dog outside was one of the ways we'd signal to each other that we were in the mood.And they say that people in long term relationships forget how to do romance.

Sapo
01-12-2007, 09:10 PM
Maybe you should open one and find out. I know, you've heard that before, but really nothing bad will happen.
Yeah, that did wonders for that Pandora chick.

I had before, it turns out I had opened it on its second page and it had a quote and a response and I didn't pursue it further. But yes, right after I posted, I went on the hunt for more and found them and they were pretty self-evident. Maybe I should have done that BEFORE posting. Live and learn, they say.

alice_in_wonderland
01-12-2007, 09:43 PM
Otherwise, find a real dog lover for whom access to your particular boobies overcomes any reticence to your dog's presence.

Well, as a matter purely of scientific interest, access to MY particular boobies does help to overcome resistance of any kind.

They're real, and they're SPECTACULAR [/Terry Hatcher]