The power of bacon.

[Anastasaeon]

Shortly before Christmas, someone brought a Sea Monkey kit into our consignment shop. Woohoo! thought I. Sea Monkeys! I love those little guys. As our morning processor was pricing this item, she saw the way I was lingering, chattering away about brine shrimp, and practically falling over myself to get a good look at what was in the kit (to see if it was complete. It was). Finally, laughing, she asks if I think I want to buy it, prices it, and sets it aside with my name on it. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Sea Monkeys!

I get home... and that was the night of the windstorm here in Seattle. I kept the kit, unopened, on my desk nearby, but holding off activating the wee eggs until the storm passed. Then the power went out for four days. Sigh. "Hang on, lil monkeys," I told them. "Your time to live again is near."

The power comes back on moments before we bring my parents and brother in from the airport. The place is freezing. Now that we have power, I start turning on all the heaters and lights. Ahhh! Hang on, lil monkeys, it's still too cold.

A couple of days before Christmas, with the house nice and warm and cheery, I invite my family into the kitchen, where I have a place for the monkey tank; warm, light, and safe from the cats, and full of water with the solution that has been sitting there for 24 hours. Only my brother and my husband are interested, so we troop out into the kitchen.

"Watch this!" I say, and with a flourish, deposit the foil of monkeys into the tank. We all eagerly peer inside the tank, backlit from the overhead oven light. We peer... and peer... and peer some more.

"They're in there," I say. "Just keep looking. They're itty bitty specks."

My brother pats me on the back and cheerfully calls me a failure. My husband remains by my side, but neither of us see a thing. Not a speck, not a mote, not a baby brine shrimp to be seen. He leaves, thinking I just don't know what to look for, or they're just too tiny.

"But... I've had Sea Monkeys before! I know what they look like when they're specks! I know... they're... they're in there!" I wail. Eventually, I give up. Maybe I'll see them better in the morning.

I don't.

Christmas comes and goes, and while I faithfully sprinkle a bit of food into the tank every three days, there are no Sea Monkeys. My parents and brother go home, happy with the holidays, but I am missing something: I am missing Sea Monkeys.

Mid-January, I just gave up feeding them. "I'll write to the company," I explain to my husband. "It says in this booklet that they'll send me new monkeys if mine fail to... to..."

"It's okay, honey," he consoles me. I sniffle. Hmph.

A couple of weeks go by, and here I was last night, cooking up some bacon. I poured the fat from the bacon into a mug to set aside for later use. I needed a new mug, since we hadn't had bacon in some time. The only spot left for the mug on the counter was next to the empty Sea Monkey tank. I peered inside once again, hoping for some sign of life. Nothing. I strained some more. Nothing. I stood up.

"Well," I thought. "If the smell of that bacon doesn't wake you up, then nothing will."

So today I'm getting ready to make some bread, and as I'm cleaning up the counter, I notice something moving in the tank. Startled, I peer inside.

THERE ARE TWO SEA MONKEYS! And one of them is HUGE! The other one is just a little guy, but you can see them both, plain as day. I got out the Sea Monkey food and sprinkled a teeny bit in. Woohoo!

I credit this little miracle entirely to bacon. It has the power of life.

So. What has bacon done for you, lately? :D

[norinew]

I credit this little miracle entirely to bacon. It has the power of life.
Wow, I thought only cheese was that powerful! ;)

Seriously, a bite of crisply cooked bacon, chewed, swallowed, and followed by a sip of fresh-brewed coffee while that smoky taste is still in my mouth. . .that, my friend, is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy! :)

[chaoticbear]

I, the vegetarian in the house, cooked bacon for the omnivores tonight to put on top of baked potato soup. What I don't understand is how bacon sticks to the bottom of the pan even though it's floating in its own grease?

[silenus]

Anything wrapped in bacon automatically becomes Good Eats. Even if it's something you would never eat plain. Wrap it in bacon, and it becomes something to seek out. This is the only reason rumaki exists.

[Nic2004]

I had a friend who swore he could eat s**t if it was wrapped in bacon. Sadly, he is not much weirder than the majority of my friends.

[picunurse]

I want a sea monkey.... I always wanted to send away for them from the ad in the back of my Casper the Friendly Ghost comics.
I have bacon, now all I need is the shrimp.

[Anastasaeon]

I have bacon, now all I need is the shrimp.

....and then you'll have a tasty snack!

If we get Sea Monkeys again, I'll grab 'em for you and bring them to trivia night. :D

If they don't come to life, make bacon.

[MovingTarget]

Imagine if you mixed bacon AND cheese... man, you could bring other pets back to life too. The last time I had bacon I got insanely sick for about an hour. Not sure why, but right after I finished eating breakfast I just got very, very ill. Almost ruined my day. But I'm not going to blame it all on the godly bacon. It could have been the pancakes, or eggs, or even the toast. I'll have to give it another go this weekend. Wish me luck.

And w00tz on the sea monkeys. I'm not allowed to have them anymore because I drank my cousins when I was about six or seven. I do however, have some triops I'm going to try at this spring. Now those little buggers look like fun.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Imagine if you mixed bacon AND cheese... man, you could bring other pets back to life too. The last time I had bacon I got insanely sick for about an hour. Not sure why, but right after I finished eating breakfast I just got very, very ill. Almost ruined my day. But I'm not going to blame it all on the godly bacon. It could have been the pancakes, or eggs, or even the toast. I'll have to give it another go this weekend. Wish me luck.

And w00tz on the sea monkeys. I'm not allowed to have them anymore because I drank my cousins when I was about six or seven. I do however, have some triops I'm going to try at this spring. Now those little buggers look like fun.


Um. Is your last name "Cartman"?

[Colophon]

Pour Bacon. Receive Monkey.

Or something.

[NurseCarmen]

Sea Monkeys. The other white meat.

[si_blakely]

Bacon.

My monday mornings are hell - I get up at 5am, have a shower, and am in the car at 5:30. Three hours driving gets me to work. I'm tired (and have an 8 hour day to face), hungry, and grumpy.

Then I smell the bacon smell from the cafe as I walk from the car to the office. I'm in there, ordering a Bacon sandwich (brown bread, brown sauce) and a Red Bull (I don't drink coffee).

And all is well with the world :p

Bacon, sets you up for the week

Si

[Dijon Warlock]

Bacon, Sea Monkeys; Sea Monkeys, Bacon...

Decisions, decisions...

I was never allowed to have Sea Monkeys as a child, but I would (now that I'm an adult) tend to agree with Snipe1978: Triops are the new Sea Monkeys.

However, since no one has posted links:

Sea Monkeys (http://www.sea-monkey.com/)

Triops (http://www.triops.com/)

Bacon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon)

(Anyone filter and save the grease from frying bacon for cooking eggs or potatoes in? If not, I am dying ahead of all of you. Early, but happy.)

[saoirse]

You should see what bacon does for scallops.

[August West]

I love bacon. LOVE bacon! LOVE LOVE LOVE! BACON BACON BACON!

[August West]

Oh and congratulations on the rebirth of your Monkeys. The bacon thing kinda had my mind reeling for a minute.

[Tristan]

I have a friend who often goes by the moniker "Baron von Bacon". He is the undisputed king of Bacon love.

He briefly kept a flow chart of places in SAcramento where they would put a piece of bacon in a milkshake if you asked.

He also invented the BAcon Mudslide.... add bacon to Mudslide while blending. Unique.

A couple years back he was trying to make Bacon flavored vodka, but his girl dumped it out thinking that the jug had gotten chemical cleaners in it, fouling the taste of the water.

Silly girl.

Mmmmm..... bacon sounds REALLY good right now.

[picunurse]

Imagine if you mixed bacon AND cheese... man, you could bring other pets back to life too. The last time I had bacon I got insanely sick for about an hour. Not sure why, but right after I finished eating breakfast I just got very, very ill. Almost ruined my day. But I'm not going to blame it all on the godly bacon. It could have been the pancakes, or eggs, or even the toast. I'll have to give it another go this weekend. Wish me luck.

And w00tz on the sea monkeys. I'm not allowed to have them anymore because I drank my cousins when I was about six or seven. I do however, have some triops I'm going to try at this spring. Now those little buggers look like fun.
Gall bladder?

[Faruiza]

Crispy bacon?! Bah! The only way to consume bacon is in a state of being I like to call, (and have coined around these parts) "medium floppy".
Juuiiiicy baaacony gooodness...<drool>

Anyway, Stase, congrats on the new arrivals! Now I have to go get some sea monkeys. My folks wouldn't let me have them when I was a kid, so now that I am 34 with my own damn disposable income, I will have sea monkeys, and I will place them next to Steve the fish, and we will all occupy my desk in happiness. So there! :D

[Quiddity Glomfuster]

What happens with sea monkeys? Do you keep feeding them? Do you have to clean the tank? Is it like keeping fish? Do they die? Will they beg for bacon?

[Tristan]

Will they beg for bacon?


All creatures great and small, once exposed, will beg for bacon.

On that note:

PLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSEE!!!! I needthe bacon! C'mon man, gimme some bacon!

[jsgoddess]

I have a confession, o Dopers.

I... do not like bacon. Nay, neither the crispy nor the limp.

[Anastasaeon]

What happens with sea monkeys? Do you keep feeding them? Do you have to clean the tank? Is it like keeping fish? Do they die? Will they beg for bacon?

You get this kit, and the kit is a little "tank". It looks like this (http://www.cornishcrispa.co.uk/images/seamonkey%20tank%20only.jpg), and it's about the size of my hand. It comes with these three pouches, marked 1, 2, and 3. Very cryptic. Also, a little yellow spoon-y thing that has a big scoop end and a small scoop end. That's for feeding.
You put water into the tank, and the contents of pouch 1. You let that set for 24 hours. That stuff is cleaning up your nasty tap water. Then, you empty the contents of the pouch marked 2 into the water. Whee! Those are Sea Monkey eggs! They hatch immediately, and are naught but itty bitty specks in the tank, and very hard to see. They move in a strange, wiggly way. Instant life! You are now God.
The pouch marked 3 is Sea Monkey food. When they are teeny, you just feed them a scoop from the small end every three days.

You don't have to clean the tank, it never gets dirty. It's not really like keeping fish; Sea Monkeys are much less maintenence. They live and grow, produce asexually (as well as sexually? Am I remembering that right?) they die and the next generation lives on. You can get really goofy (http://storeforknowledge.com/images/ei-6610.jpg) toys (http://www.amazon.com/Educational-Insights-000000006804-Monkeys-Executive/dp/B000096R59/sr=1-2/qid=1170997967/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-1705322-5420749?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games) to go with them.

If they beg for bacon, give it to them. Then run.

[Greywolf73]

Great. Now I'm craving bacon at 1 AM.

My daughter got some sea monkeys one Christmas. She was so excited as we set up the little tank and fed them after the little guys hatched. She even named some of them. And then my husband accidentally knocked the tank off the coffee table. All the sea monkeys tragically lost their lives in the accident and my daughter tearfully and soberly informed me that they were now...Carpet Monkeys. I tried not to laugh. Honestly, I did. :D

[Sierra Indigo]

I have sea monkeys on my desk at work. Instant popularity! Everyone wants to see them.

Some people have fish on their desks at work, and I was considering getting a fish but they can get expensive and I was afraid I'd kill them (I had a siamese fighter one time, he died after about a month). So when I saw sea monkeys in the Australian Geographic shop, I knew I had to get them.

My colony's about ten or so. It started off with just one, but now they keep having babies. And eating the babies. One spent two weeks just doing doughnuts on the bottom of the tank. Some are reddish, some are just a whiteish colour. They keep mating. And mating. And mating. Then they have some more babies and eat the babies.

I never thought to give them bacon.

They produce sexually, however if there's only females left in the tank they can reproduce asexually. I think that's how my colony started growing. For ages I only had the one female in there, then suddenly there's a whole bunch of babies.

And I've just remembered I forgot to feed them, and won't be back at work until monday. Oops. I'm sure they'll live.

[if6was9]

He briefly kept a flow chart of places in SAcramento where they would put a piece of bacon in a milkshake if you asked.
Your [friend's] ideas intrigue me and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.


I like mine extra super dooper floppy*.






I have eaten raw bacon. Kids, don't try this at home.

[norinew]

And I've just remembered I forgot to feed them, and won't be back at work until monday. Oops. I'm sure they'll live.
Maybe over the weekend, they'll pop out some babies to munch on. :D

[Captain_C]

All I can picture is my one friend doing his impression of Arnold from Predator "We have a bacon situation!"

It's not funny typed. Think of it with the accent and lots of gusto.... oh, forget it.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

OK, Bacon=Sea Monkeys.

What do we need to prepare to get Flying Monkey Butlers?

[FriarTed]

Imagine if you mixed bacon AND cheese... man, you could bring other pets back to life too.

Stephen King's PET SEMATARY would then be a feel-good madcap comedy full of wacky hijinks!

(I think I used all the adjectives & nouns which, if I see in a review or promo for a comedy, guarantee that I will never watch it.)

[unfinished symphony]

ooo sea monkeys! My brother bought me some few years back when i was totally bedridden, and i too, added that packet with great expectations only to get...

nothing.

however after a few days these tiny dots were seen moving around of their own accord, and soon became the horny beasts as described by Sierra Indigo. As well as all the mating, a pair of males would often lock horns in a tumbling fight for a while. My kit came with a hand pump to air the water (sending the little buggers swirling round in a mini whirlpool.) and a thing to catch a monkey in by sucking it up. It was the shooting it out again i found more amusing. They didn't seem to mind.

[Sofaspud]

And w00tz on the sea monkeys. I'm not allowed to have them anymore because I drank my cousins when I was about six or seven. I do however, have some triops I'm going to try at this spring. Now those little buggers look like fun.

My... um... well then.

You drank... your cousins?

:dubious:

One hopes you had the, er, decency to put them out of their misery first...

[phall0106]

They didn't seem to mind.

And just how do you know that? How would you know if they did mind it? Would they ban togther and refuse to do what? Reproduce? Swim? I mean, how in the world does one tell if the Sea Monkeys are happy or sad or bored? Oh, won't someone think of the poor Sea Monkeys?


I like my bacon crisp. No, let me rephrase that--I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE bacon when it's crispy. Hallboy and I can eat an entire pound in one setting. Ha, I could eat one pound in an entire setting.

[gigi]

We had a sea monkeys a couple of times as kids, but I never really understood what they were. I'm also not sure if they ever grew the way they were supposed to. I'm also quite sure I thought I would see the domestic mom, dad and kiddie scene portrayed on the container.

http://www.dabestsite1.zoomshare.com/album/Sea-Monkeys!!!!!!!!/images/bf90b4875e63af7a511913374abdcbd2_11486456490/:album

I prefer sausage to bacon but bacon is not bad either. My friend rarely cooks but when he does, he makes breakfast of pancakes (plain and blueberry) and six pounds of bacon. AAAAAAAAAHHH!

[brownie55]

I prefer sausage to bacon but bacon is not bad either. My friend rarely cooks but when he does, he makes breakfast of pancakes (plain and blueberry) and six pounds of bacon. AAAAAAAAAHHH!
Ahh, the one serving size.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

When I was a boy, we had a Saturday Morning Ritual.

Mom would sleep in, Dad would fry up 2 packages of Bacon, in a big old cast iron skillit, & my siblings & I would all have Bacon Sandwiches on white bread with ketchup for breakfast.

Good times.

[gardentraveler]

Mmmmm...bacon. But six pounds? For how many people?

I always wanted sea monkeys when I was little. But I figured they had to be too good to be true. I had no idea there were so many kinds of kits out there (those links were kinda scary, Anastasaeon). Maybe I, too, will become a sea-monkey mommy. Sea monkeys and BLT sandwiches sound good.

Maybe I'll have a BLT for breakfast, at least.

GT

[Sassy]

Sea Monkeys! (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65105&threadid65105)

[Tuckerfan]

Bacon, the candy bar of meat. Jack, of Jack in the Box.

Now, I'm craving one of their artery clogging bacon double cheeseburgers!

[Dijon Warlock]

When I was a boy, we had a Saturday Morning Ritual.

Mom would sleep in, Dad would fry up 2 packages of Bacon, in a big old cast iron skillit, & my siblings & I would all have Bacon Sandwiches on white bread with ketchup for breakfast.

Good times.EWWWW!!! You put KETCHUP on BACON???

You are obviously some sort of mutant, and I most seriously do NOT wish to subscribe to your newsletter!

[jsgoddess]

You are obviously some sort of mutant, and I most seriously do NOT wish to subscribe to your newsletter!

It's a werewolf! Lynch it!

Wait. Wrong thread.

[gigi]

Mmmmm...bacon. But six pounds? For how many people? Most recently, all the kids were home, plus guests, so eight people. No leftovers. Not outrageous at all!

[Captain_C]

Alistair McCello (another poster I have the misfortune of knowing in person) once made a bacon sandwich at my house, and then proceeded to cook the bread in the leftover bacon grease. It had to be the greasiest and grayist thing I have ever seen. I tell ya, that guy ain't going to make it to 30.

[brownie55]

Alistair McCello (another poster I have the misfortune of knowing in person) once made a bacon sandwich at my house, and then proceeded to cook the bread in the leftover bacon grease. It had to be the greasiest and grayist thing I have ever seen. I tell ya, that guy ain't going to make it to 30.
I hope he put cheese on it, otherwise it was a waste of good cooking. Why live to 30 if you can cram a life's worth into fewer years?

[rivulus]

Having hatched out probably millions of "Sea Monkeys" (a.k.a. brine shrimp) over the years as fish food, I can't say I have ever really seen them as pets... but it is kind of fun to watch the really teeny ones gather together into a wiggling mass when you shine a light near their jar.

Also, I must admit that I have never used bacon to hatch them. Some salt in the water, yeah, and an air stone for circulation, but no bacon. I wonder if yields would increase?

Speaking of just-add-water critters, has anyone ever kept annual killiefish that lay their eggs in peat moss? You dry them out for a few months and then just add water -- seriously! -- and little fish fry start to hatch out after a few days. You can also quite easily mail these little baggies of egg-filled peat moss to people around the world. My dad has kept these bags of dried-out eggs for over a year, and still had fry hatch out of them when placed in a container of water. Now that's really cool! And they are beautiful little fish.

[Annie-Xmas]

The (veggie) sammich o'death: (soy) bacon on a toasted buttered salt bagel.

[Labtrash]

Bacon is the only food Chuck Norris is deathly afraid of.

[E-Sabbath]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTRmhk7q44o

What's that say? I CAN'T READ! It's BACON!

[Omniscient]

I have a confession, o Dopers.

I... do not like bacon. Nay, neither the crispy nor the limp.

This is the type of statement that the term "gobsmacked" was designed for.

Color me gobsmacked.

[gigi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTRmhk7q44o

What's that say? I CAN'T READ! It's BACON!Beggin Strips, I presume? I love that commercial. I CAN'T READ!!

[jsgoddess]

This is the type of statement that the term "gobsmacked" was designed for.

Color me gobsmacked.

What is the color of a gobsmack?

At least I'm not as freaky as my sister. I don't like bacon, but she prefers turkey bacon. I mean, there's obviously something wrong with me, but what about her?

[Anastasaeon]

What is the color of a gobsmack?



I like to think it is the colour of a gobstopper: all rainbow-y and kind of sour and powdery. With a sweet centre.

Oh, and your sister? Nutter.

Though quite sensible.

[Alistair McCello]

Alistair McCello (another poster I have the misfortune of knowing in person) once made a bacon sandwich at my house, and then proceeded to cook the bread in the leftover bacon grease. It had to be the greasiest and grayist thing I have ever seen. I tell ya, that guy ain't going to make it to 30.That sandwich wasn't all that bad, until you got to the after taste, yeach! I recall that we also agreed that it was a sandwich so unhealthy that it actually caused second hand heart attacks. I'm fairly certain your arteries suffered from even being in the same room as that thing.

I hope he put cheese on it, otherwise it was a waste of good cooking. Why live to 30 if you can cram a life's worth into fewer years?I am sad to say that there was no cheese on the sandwich. While it seems like a waste I have a feeling that this omission is one of the reasons I am still alive today.

[Cat Whisperer]

We used to have bacon grease sandwiches as kids sometimes. With lots of salt. We had home-made chocolate spread sandwiches sometimes, too. Thinking back on it, what the hell was my mom thinking?

[gigi]

We used to have bacon grease sandwiches as kids sometimes. With lots of salt. We had home-made chocolate spread sandwiches sometimes, too. Thinking back on it, what the hell was my mom thinking?
My mom taught us to make milk toast: Make toast, heavy on the butter. Add a layer of white sugar. Lay toast on a plate and pour milk from the side of the plate to maybe half the height of the bread. Let toast absorb milk. Enjoy!

At least I'm not as freaky as my sister. I don't like bacon, but she prefers turkey bacon. I mean, there's obviously something wrong with me, but what about her?Reminds me of my friend who got me to try Tofu Pups, promising that they taste as good as hot dogs. Clearly she hadn't had a good hot dog (it's not an oxymoron, really!) in many years because there was no way in which that thing resembled a hot dog, except its shape was vaguely reminiscent.

[Ellen Cherry]

Well, I must admit to being jsgoddess's soul sister for I, too, abhor the bacon. I will make it, periodically, for my family, but I have to open all the windows for hours afterward. The smell of bacon oozing evilly through the house makes me ill.

I was telling a group of coworkers about my hate for bacon smell and they all stared at me blankly for a few minutes. Finally one of them said, "that's one of the best things about HAVING bacon!"

Sea monkeys, though, I've never had -- though I hear they're quite good with fava beans and a nice chianti. :eek: :p

[Clothahump]

Mmmmm.....sea monkeys. Wrapped in bacon. Mmmmm.....

[Cat Whisperer]

My mom taught us to make milk toast: Make toast, heavy on the butter. Add a layer of white sugar. Lay toast on a plate and pour milk from the side of the plate to maybe half the height of the bread. Let toast absorb milk. Enjoy!
That reminds me of the margarine and sugar sandwiches we used to have. Seriously, mom, what the hell?

Reminds me of my friend who got me to try Tofu Pups, promising that they taste as good as hot dogs. Clearly she hadn't had a good hot dog (it's not an oxymoron, really!) in many years because there was no way in which that thing resembled a hot dog, except its shape was vaguely reminiscent.
I don't mind some kinds of fake meat, but the hot dogs - those are in no way resembling edible food. And this from someone who was raised on bacon grease sandwiches.

[MerryMagdalen]

I just made spaghetti carbonara. Pasta, eggs, Parmesan and lovely lovely bacon. My arteries are afraid.

I now have the strength of ten women. And I feel much more inclined to do the calculus I've been putting off.

[Tuckerfan]

Bacon placemats! (http://www.instructables.com/id/EBLJCRZF2FRVHQ5) :eek:

[Kythereia]

Bacon is for Christmas morning, with eggs and toast and orange juice and fruit salad and the chocolate in our stockings. Really, people. ;)

I saw this mentioned in another thread, and I have to ask again: what the heck is chicken-fried bacon?

[amarinth]

Bacon is for Christmas morning, with eggs and toast and orange juice and fruit salad and the chocolate in our stockings. Really, people. ;)

I saw this mentioned in another thread, and I have to ask again: what the heck is chicken-fried bacon?The recipe I have involves taking bacon, cooking it a little (not thoroughly, though) then putting it in an egg wash, coating it in a flour mixture, and deep frying it.
Proving (again) that there is nearly no food that can't be made better by deep frying.

[Cajun Man]

Tuckerfan, please don't bump four month old threads. Start a new thread and link to the old one.

You've been here long enough that I shouldn't have to be telling you this.

Cajun Man
for the SDMB