Leave me alone, Rachel Ray

[guizot]

Stop following me through the supermarket. Get off of the magazines in the check out. Get out of my TV.

And stay off of my cracker boxes.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Rachel Ray.

[tdn]

She used to be perky and cute, and I wanted her in my life.

Now she's annoying and ubiquitous, and I want her out of my life.

She ain't even that good a cook.

[An Arky]

One of my many worst nightmares was realized when I saw bottles of Olive Oil on the shelf labeled "EVOO" and had her dolphin-toothed smiling face on it.

[TheBoneyKingofNowhere]

That's fine, I'll take your Rachael leftovers (delish!) :)

[Vinyl Turnip]

My younger brother left me aghast by saying (after I confessed my long-running, thusfar platonic infatuation with Nigella Lawson) that he found Rachel Ray sexier.

We're not related by blood, he and I—and never before had I been so acutely aware of that fact, nor so relieved by it.

[Bobotheoptimist]

I suspect that when the Crab People failed to enslave us all using the Queer Eye Deception, they selected their best to go out on a solo mission (The EVOO Exchange) in their new Rachel Ray disguise.

Yes

[fishbicycle]

Smiling faces sometimes
pretend to be your friend
Smiling faces show no traces
Of the EVOO that lurks within


can you dig it?

[Jodi]

I like Rachel Ray. Almost everything I've read about her says she's just a very nice, down to earth person. For example: During Fashion Week in New York last week they did a "show" to raise money for women's heart disease issues, in which they enlisted all these famous and semi-famous women to walk the catwalk in red dresses. And apparently many of them were enormous pains in the asses, walking around acting like Big Stars and insisting on perfect styling, etc. Whereas RR came, threw on the dress they gave her, did her walk down the runway -- clearly nervous -- and then, as she stepped down, was overheard to mutter "Thank God that's over!" IOW, probably how I would react in a similar situation.

She's cute, but not gorgeous, she cooks accessible "hey-I-could-make-that" if not incredible food, and she seems like a person it would be fun to hang out with. Sure, she steps over the line into cutesy-ville sometimes, but that doesn't bug me the way it seems to bug some of the Rachel-haters. That said, I don't buy her mag, I don't eat her crackers, and I only occasionally watch her show.

[Mr. Moto]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

I could never be married to Rachel Ray, but I could handle her for thirty minutes. :D

[tdn]

I could never be married to Rachel Ray, but I could handle her for thirty minutes. :D
Would that be a thirty minute meal?

[Scribble]

And would it be under 40 dollars?

[Snooooopy]

Rachael Ray feeds on your growing paranoia and finds it "delish."

[tdn]

And would it be under 40 dollars?
Only if the 40 dollars were affixed to her belt.

[elucidator]

I don't know if this is appropriate or germane, but I haven't the slightest idea who this utterly famous person is. Except that she cooks.

[Madd Maxx]

I'm pretty sure she'd be a lot of fun in the sack though.

[Cervaise]

Anthony Bourdain on Rachel Ray and other FoodNetwork personalities (http://blog.ruhlman.com/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html)

[VenusProbe]

RR dipped in EVOO, mmm... Delish!

[tdn]

I'm pretty sure she'd be a lot of fun in the sack though.
She's so perky out of the sack that I'm betting she's a corpse who doesn't "do those kinds of things" in bed.

I have no idea why things work that way, but they usually seem to.

[tdn]

RR dipped in EVOO, mmm... Delish!
I suddenly have a thirst for a slippery nipple.

[elucidator]

She's so perky out of the sack that I'm betting she's a corpse who doesn't "do those kinds of things" in bed...
Easiest thing in the world. Memorize the following, and use as appropriate:

"Of course you're right, dear, nice girls don't do that sort of thing. And besides, if your Mom ever found out that you had, she would be totally shocked and horrified..."

[UntouchedTakeaway]

Easiest thing in the world. Memorize the following, and use as appropriate:

"Of course you're right, dear, nice girls don't do that sort of thing. And besides, if your Mom ever found out that you had, she would be totally shocked and horrified..."


Perhaps there's some truth to this:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/471999p-397161c.html

:eek:

VCNJ~

[Count Blucher]

Yes, I'm talking to you, Rachel Ray.

Pronounced "RaichaRaaaay" and completely enunciated in less than half a second.

I'm sure she has nice qualities, but to me she looks like a girl that somebody slapped on the back in the middle of a 'Big-Mouthed Frog' joke and her face froze that way.

Maybe if someone taught her to speak French instead...





...the Sûreté would have her killed.

[Madd Maxx]

Perhaps there's some truth to this:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/471999p-397161c.html

:eek:

VCNJ~

Maybe that's why he married her, because she'll do all those kinky things for free. And then cook him breakfast. In my book that's a keeper.

[silenus]

I'd do her.

[Colibri]

She used to be perky and cute, and I wanted her in my life.

Now she's annoying and ubiquitous, and I want her out of my life.

She ain't even that good a cook.

Alas, how this sums up so many a once-promising relationship. . .

[Lemur866]

I'll have Rachel Ray, Rachel Ray, Rachel Ray, Rachel Ray, baked beans, Rachel Ray, sausage and spam.

[Shayna]

She's so perky out of the sack that I'm betting she's a corpse who doesn't "do those kinds of things" in bed.

I have no idea why things work that way, but they usually seem to. Oh yeah, she looks just like the kind of girl (http://www.torontopics.com/digital/ray.html) who wouldn't "do those kinds of things in bed." Mmmhmm. Only, not.

[tdn]

Oh yeah, she looks just like the kind of girl (http://www.torontopics.com/digital/ray.html) who wouldn't "do those kinds of things in bed." Mmmhmm. Only, not.
Well yeah, there's that.

Let me rephrase: She looks just like the kind of girl who wouldn't "do those kinds of things" in bed with me.

[Count Blucher]

Well yeah, there's that.

Let me rephrase: She looks just like the kind of girl who wouldn't "do those kinds of things" in bed with me.


No, that's Tomorrow, on Raicha-Ray.... :D

[photopat]

...after I confessed my long-running, thusfar platonic infatuation with Nigella Lawson.

Now that I can understand. Except the platonic part. She reminds me of Jane on Coupling only smarter and hotter.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Now that I can understand. Except the platonic part.

It's only platonic because so far Nigella won't return my calls.

[Pixiesnix]

I don't know what it is about her. Maybe the voice that makes Quint's nails on the chalkboard sound like a sweet symphony. Maybe it's her inane attempts to turn ordinary words into cutesy monstrosities. Maybe it's her constant mispronounciation of St. Louis as "St. Louie" as if it were the most clever thing of the last few millennia. Maybe it's her pornstar reactions to local cuisine. Maybe it's her Jokeresque smile.

Most of all, I think it's her smug security in her own cuteness. Like we just can't resist her saccharine charms. You know what, you soulless harpy? We can. At least I can. And I want you to go away. Far away. I hate you, Rachael Ray. I hate you like I have never hated any pop culture figure before. I defaced your image on my box of Sociables, so great is my loathing.

Now take your cookbooks, dip them in EVOO, and shove them straight up your ass.

[DianaG]

Oh yeah, she looks just like the kind of girl (http://www.torontopics.com/digital/ray.html) who wouldn't "do those kinds of things in bed." Mmmhmm. Only, not.
Eh, to me, even in those pictures she looks like the kind of girl who doesn't do those things. She'll throw on the outfit and pretend she's going to do those things, but she's not. And she can't even believe you actually thought she would, you pig!

[guizot]

I refuse to know what "perky" means, until I hear it applied to a man. I just want her to leave me alone. I didn't have a problem with Martha Steward, because she didn't follow me everywhere. And even my mother has better recipes than Rachel Ray (sorry Mom, no offense intended.) It's just that some person can come out of the blue and suddenly be a cooking Goddess. I'd bet you dollars for donuts that I could cook better than she. Besides, she's always looking over my back at the Ralph's. It's creepy. I fell asleep on the Metro once dreaming that she was across the isle trying to get recipes into my head via ESP. Thank you, Ms. Ray, but I already know how to cook.

In fact, I think this deserves a new thread: what could you easily do that some fool is getting tons of money to do? I'm thinking about the security guard at a suburban library who does nothing other than walking around and tell kids not to drink CocaCola or use cellphones--he's city-paid, and therefore unionized, but any idiot can do that job. He's probably got a nice house in a nice suburb neighborhood, and a nice pension plan in the waiting. And what does he do all day? He walks around and makes sure that people aren't doing what they already aren't doing.

[photopat]

It's only platonic because so far Nigella won't return my calls.

Oh, well, next time I'll have her call you. After she, you know, washes up. :D
















Hey, a guy can dream.

[Lightray]

I used to like Rachel Ray, back in her first season when she was more natural on camera (despite the umpteen million times she had to explain what "EVOO" was). As she became more ubiquitous on Foodtv, though, she changed. If you watch one of her older 30-Min Meals shows back-to-back with a recent one, the diffence is startling.

Now she behaves like a howler monkey on crack. Her wide-eyed death-grin rictus is unnerving to watch, and her mile-a-minute barrage of catchphrases is incomprehensible and no doubt fueled by strong drugs. Yumm-O! Stoup and sammies! EVOO! Pizzagna! *insane cackle*

Anybody who can stand that for more than a minute and not want to smack her is unnatural.

Too bad, really; she's kinda cute. Until she opens that mouth. I suspect that much of what went wrong could be fixed by a long stay in detox, and allowing her to have no more than one show per day, and that has to be a cooking show.

Also: Nigella, rrrowr! (Giada, too)

[tdn]

Now she behaves like a howler monkey on crack. Her wide-eyed death-grin rictus is unnerving to watch, and her mile-a-minute barrage of catchphrases is incomprehensible and no doubt fueled by strong drugs. Yumm-O! Stoup and sammies! EVOO! Pizzagna! *insane cackle*
I'd like to think that she does this OTTT (over the top twee) because her producers told her it sells, rather than of her own volition. I'd probably be wrong.

I did record her $40 a Day when she was on Martha's Vineyard. It made me pine for my favorite place in the world. She even had dinner at one of my favorite spots, The Seafood Shanty. But she only had $15 left to spend. I was really curious as to how she was going to pull that off with anything other than Bob's Pizza. She ended up getting an appetizer for $13.95. She drank water. And she left the waitress a $1.05 tip. I really hope that the crew comped the waitress a bit more after the cameras stopped.

This was the restaurant, BTW, where I was offered a 10 pound lobster for $150. I turned it down.

[Cervaise]

no doubt fueled by strong drugsIt could be an overpowering nicotine buzz, produced by maintaining the two-pack-a-day habit through frantic suckdowns of tobacco sticks in ever-shrinking windows of unseen availability, instead of spreading them out on a more leisurely basis when nobody was paying attention.

[Jodi]

It's just that some person can come out of the blue and suddenly be a cooking Goddess. . . .

Not that I'm much invested in defending RR but here's the thing -- she's not a cooking goddess. From interviews, she'd probably be the first to tell you she's not. She doesn't refer to herself as a "chef" because she's not a chef; she says she's a cook. And she admits she's not even a great cook in all areas; she often talks about how she can't bake at all. She's found a niche and a schtick and, sure, she's milking it for all it's worth, but she's pretty down to earth and frank about that. She doesn't pretend to be something she's not, which is one of the reasons people like her. I would find her miles more obnoxious if she was a diva, but apparently she isn't. And the things people say they hate about her -- some I can get behind, yeah, "sammies" and "EVOO" are too cutesy -- but some . . . her voice? Her smile? Expressing hatred of her personal appearance seems really irrational to me.

But then, I can't stand Giada De L. because I think she looks like a bobble-head doll, so there's some irrationality for you right there.

[mobo85]

And stay off of my cracker boxes.

I guess her cracker recipe (http://ken-jennings.com/blog/?p=254) failed to entertain you?


(I'll chime in as one of those who finds Rachael Ray attractive- though I'd find her even more attractive if she wore Chuck Taylors like that cutie Sara Moulton.)

[mrklutz]

I enjoy watching Rachael Ray. Yeah, she's over-the-top with the cute and bubbly schtick, but I actually find it kind of endearing. (Besides, I can't point any fingers at people for making orgasmic noises over food.) She also makes recipes I'm likely to attempt instead of stuff that looks great but daunting as some of the TV chefs do.

[Vinyl Turnip]

But then, I can't stand Giada De L. because I think she looks like a bobble-head doll, so there's some irrationality for you right there.

I don't trust scrawny cooks, and she looks like she'd crack if you leaned on her wrong.

Nigella is far sturdier. She's voluptuous in the way that most men mean when they say they like "voluptuous" women (as opposed to the euphemism self-applied by women who are in fact merely fat).

Rachel Ray? Eh. She's the chick from out-of-town you'd hook up with as the keg party winds down and options dwindle. The next morning her voice is like a sandpaper siren in your throbbing head, and you swear to yourself you're going to stop drinking so goddamn much as you give her a fake phone number and pretend to write down hers.

Nobody actually gives a shit about what these women cook, right? I mean it isn't just me.

[silenus]

Nobody actually gives a shit about what these women cook, right? I mean it isn't just me.

I note recipes and buy Rachel's cookbooks. Some of us are capable of overcoming our baser instincts.


At least for a moment. :D

[Lightray]

But then, I can't stand Giada De L. because I think she looks like a bobble-head doll, so there's some irrationality for you right there.
Wait. She's got a head? ;)

Yeah, okay, used to call her "Little Big Head," but since she's got the girls cinched up and on display since a while back, the lollipop head isn't as distracting. For some reason.

Actually, RayRay could stand with some wardrobe help from Giada. Nigella, of course, needs not.

[tdn]

The next morning her voice is like a sandpaper siren in your throbbing head,
Is it true that television sets were not equipped with mute buttons until 30 Minute Meals premiered?

[teela brown]

Her wide-eyed death-grin rictus is unnerving to watch . . .

This statement made me finally realize what her grimace reminds me of.

Remember that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Ark was opened and ghosts came out? And one ghost looked like a pretty girl, only it turned into a frightening snapping skull?

That's what her grin reminds me of.

[Pixiesnix]

Meh, she couldn't hold Alton Brown's jock strap. Not that she'd want to. But the fact that she's freakin' everywhere while Alton is still doing Good Eats and commentary for Iron Chef America is a howling injustice.

That said, I wouldn't want Alton to personally teach me how to cook. I'd love to have him cook for me, but he's too much of a perfectionist to share a kitchen with. I'd probably end up smacking him with a cast iron skillet. And then certain Dopers would string me up.

Plus, he puts garlic in everything. Bleah.

[guizot]

I guess her cracker recipe (http://ken-jennings.com/blog/?p=254) failed to entertain you?Okay. I'll admit that once in a bar I decked out a guy who didn't use a semi-colon correctly. (I was tried and acquitted, by the way.) But I certainly would never go so far as to create a web-site as Ken Jennings as done about a comma on a cracker box. He must be really bored with life.

It's just her persistent presence that gets to me. (I'll chime in as one of those who finds Rachael Ray attractive- though I'd find her even more attractive if she wore Chuck Taylors like that cutie Sara Moulton.)I really don't care how she looks. I just want her to stop following me through the supermarket.

Maybe I can get a restraining order.

[guizot]

I don't hate anything about her as a person or personality or performer. It's just that's she's always around me. That's why I'm getting a restraining order.

[The King of Soup]

I don't watch Ms. Ray.

I'm not as adamant about it as some: the only things I have against her are the number of 30-minute meals that depend on another 30 minutes of unseen prep work, and the way $40 in her hands yields $2.73 in tips. To me, she's cute the way some other parents' precocious five-year-old, the one they encourage to call you by your first name, is cute. But that's a matter of taste, and as long as I can avoid her there's no harm done.

[tdn]

I'm not as adamant about it as some: the only things I have against her are the number of 30-minute meals that depend on another 30 minutes of unseen prep work
No shit.

"Put some EVOO into your preheated saucepan. Then add one cup of minced carrots, one half cup of thinly sliced celery, and four cups of freshly baked bread cut into cubes."

[pkbites]

$40 a day is cheap only if you're a single trolip on a solo trip.

On that kind of budget a family of four
would spend over $2200 just on food during a 2 week vacation. Who's doing that?

[tdn]

Depends on where you are. In Anycity, USA, $40 will keep you well fed on fancy schmancy all day long. In a resort area such as Martha's Vineyard or Aspen, you really have to plan wisely.

[Harmonious Discord]

I don't like her show, and her cooking is an agregeous assault on the pallete. I can live with not turning on the tv. I however thought "For Christ sake, I don't want to look at this New York equivalant of Rossie O'Donald on my fucking cracker box. They have almost full size cardboard displays of her fugly face, and frumpy body all over the stores. She's the equivalant of Penny Marshall in her over all appeal.

[The King of Soup]

I forgot to say, I'm also amused by the wide variety of products she endorses -- several different shapes of crackers. Crackers -- the things you eat when there's no food around.

The only more appropriate product for her endorsement would be a new, extra-virgin, carbonated olive oil:

RR: "Hey, everybody, this is Rachel Ray, and whether, like me, you're into scrummy sammies, dee-lish knishes, nummy crumblies, or just enjoy chattering gibberish nonstop, you're always on the lookout for something new. That's why I went down to my secret basement laboratory and whipped up Rachel Ray's E-V-O-O-Ohhh! It's the new, sparkling olive oil. It's bubbly -- just like me! And it's made from extra-extra-extra virgin olives that have never been stuffed. Not like those slutty olives at the salad bar -- you don't want to know how many forks and toothpicks and pointy things they've been on the end of....

"Where was I? Anyway, pour out some R-R-E-V-O-O-Ohhh! and watch as the bubbles rise, slowly, kind of struggling actually, to the surface. That's what makes it fizz-tastic! Just like me! And the olive oil gives them a surface tension you couldn't penetrate with a cruise missile! Just like me! So the bubbles never go away! Just like me! Try R-R-E-V-O-O-Ohhh! It's RREVOOOhhh-lutionary!

"And be sure to catch me on my new public-access cable show, "Forty Dollars for Thirty Minutes with Rachel R--"

(Voiceover cuts in): "R-R-E-V-O-O-Ohhh! Try it today! It's made from olives -- olives that think they're grapes!"

[panamajack]

... New York equivalant of Rossie O'Donald ...

:dubious: Do they dub Rosie's voice for Midwesterners or something? (or maybe this Ms. O'Donald is someone else...)

I think Ken Jennings is wrong. I'm pretty sure Racharay's recipes are meant to be entertaining. I seriously doubt they're meant to be used for food preparation, so what else is there?

[Batsinma Belfry]

I hate it when she laughs. It sounds like Pee Wee Herman.

[Harmonious Discord]

:dubious: Do they dub Rosie's voice for Midwesterners or something? (or maybe this Ms. O'Donald is someone else...)

I think Ken Jennings is wrong. I'm pretty sure Racharay's recipes are meant to be entertaining. I seriously doubt they're meant to be used for food preparation, so what else is there?

That what I get for changing what I originaly wrote, and putting that bitch cow hybrid Rossie O'Donald in it's spot.

[guizot]

Okay--calling Bricker, calling Bricker!How do I get a restraining order against Rachel Ray?

What would convince a judge most? The cracker boxes or the supermarket stalking?

[pkbites]

Depends on where you are. In Anycity, USA, $40 will keep you well fed on fancy schmancy all day long. In a resort area such as Martha's Vineyard or Aspen, you really have to plan wisely.

Both my wife and I have been to 48 states, of which our [3] kids were with us in about 30 of them. No way did we spend over 2 grand just on food during 2 week vacations. Groceries in the motel room, fast food on the road.

Of course, now that they're all grown and out of the house my wife & I have money we don't know what to do with. We can easily afford the nicer restaurants while on vacation. ;)

[Lizard]

That said, I don't buy her mag, I don't eat her crackers, and I only occasionally watch her show.

I would eat anything Racheal Ray put in front of me.

Anything.

[Eureka]

This seems like an appropriate place to put this.

I was listening to Says You on the radio. It's a game of words and whimsy, bluff and bluster.

Well, the challenge in question involved "Rachel Barkley" One was supposed to expand it out, put in a couple of names in the middle, so that using famous names, one could get from Rachel to Barkley. Rachel Ray Charles Barkley. Rachel Ray, Ray Charles, Charles Barkley.

Rachel Ray is the Barney of the Food Television. cue laughter. And a mild joke about whether that was an appropriate comment for public radio.

[ratatoskK]

I'd never heard of her until she started appearing on boxes of Stoned Wheat Thins with some "recipes" that consist of putting stuff on top of a wheat thin.

[Chum]

No shit.

"Put some EVOO into your preheated saucepan. Then add one cup of minced carrots, one half cup of thinly sliced celery, and four cups of freshly baked bread cut into cubes."

I've been sick the past few days, so I've been watching a lot of Food Network. I've probably seen five or six 30 Minute Meals episodes this week (plus, I used to watch the show a lot, probably two years ago) and can attest that she chops everything on the show. I've seen her use packaged sticks of celery before, but they were cut at the store. I imagine that she cheats by having a swarm of stage/food-hands rush up and help out during the commercial breaks, but aside from pre-washed greens (which she claims to do right when she gets back from the grocery store, and which is a pretty reasonable thing to suggest to the viewers), I don't think there's actually "30 minutes of unseen prep work" as The King of Soup says.

That said, I think she's one of the most irritating TV personalities I know of. The first two minutes of 30 Minute Meals, during which she explains the theme and dishes for that episode, are difficult to watch. She uses so many unnatural hand gestures.

To torture myself (since I'm sick anyway), I turned on her daytime show. She had Vince Gill on, who sang a nice song. The camera kept cutting away to Rachael's reaction to watching him sing, which I thought was awkward and strange. Also, when she was talking to him afterwards, she only made eye contact with him about 5% of the time.

I think Ken Jennings is wrong about the comma. I think she intends for her recipe to be fun to make. And calling a recipe that's meant for entertaining guests an "entertaining recipe" sounds weird.

[Lizard]

And calling a recipe that's meant for entertaining guests an "entertaining recipe" sounds weird.
Hell, the very concept of a "Food Network" is weird, if you ask me.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Hell, the very concept of a "Food Network" is weird, if you ask me.

Almost as strange as a "Music Television" that features no music!

Maybe in a few years "Food Network" will have moved away from the whole "food" concept.

[Harmonious Discord]

I would eat anything Racheal Ray put in front of me.

Anything.

Does that include Rossie O'Donald or Joan Rivers. :eek: :( shudder

[Lizard]

Does that include Rossie O'Donald or Joan Rivers. :eek: :( shudder

Not exactly. Whatever Rachael Ray puts in front of me has to be Rachael Ray's. :p

[bbs2k]

I know it's an old thread, but I saw something funny and thought of you guys. Boston.com is now running a story about how Dunkin Donuts has now signed Rachel Ray as a new spokesperson, and the first comment on the story read, "Oh, God: Can't Rachel Ray leave us alone?"

[Pixiesnix]

I tell you she cannot, for she is Satan's own hellspawn.