Anybody else fighting with their SO on this oh-so-romantic of days?

[Cat Whisperer]

I guess the title mostly says it all. :(
We had already decided not to celebrate this phoney Hallmark holiday, but we're taking it to an unnecessary level now, scrapping over the same damned thing that we always fight over.

Anyone else? Please share my Unhappy Valentine's Day with me. (Oh, I think there will be chocolate today. Lots and lots of it.)

Oh, if you just hate Valentine's Day, feel free to contribute. We can have a big ol'e Pity and Chocolate Party.

[Lissa]

Sorry that's happening to you.

[Antinor01]

My SO decided that last night, as were settling in bed for the night was the perfect time to raise a topic that we have discussed over and over and always causes an argument and hurt feelings. He says I should 'have an open mind' on the subject which to him means 'you should just do what I want'. We're supposed to go out to dinner tonight, so we'll see how it goes.

[Cat Whisperer]

Yeah, that sounds about as logical as our argument. So, chocolate all around?

[teela brown]

We're not really fighting, per se, but I just got off the phone with him - we can't afford a kitchen remodeling and he's quite huffy. We just got the quote from the contractor and it's way over what we had planned on spending. He adores spending lots of money and getting new toys, and he was looking forward to the big rush of this acquisition. Well, we just can't do it and now he's going to be sulking and hurt and making veiled references to my cheapness tonight. Yay.

[Larry Mudd]

My GF picked today to suggest we open a joint savings account together, and seemed a bit miffed that I didn't agree immediately. Not exactly a fight, but it felt a little uncomfortable. "What, you don't trust me?" :confused:

[Cyros]

Today is also my birthday. Lots of bickering and sniping here. I wasn't expecting anything from hubby, but a little extra effort with the baby, talking to me in a pleasant tone of voice... that would have been nice.

Valentine's Day is a craptastic day to have a birthday. For several reasons.

[Phlosphr]

We're not really fighting, per se, but I just got off the phone with him - we can't afford a kitchen remodeling and he's quite huffy. We just got the quote from the contractor and it's way over what we had planned on spending. He adores spending lots of money and getting new toys, and he was looking forward to the big rush of this acquisition. Well, we just can't do it and now he's going to be sulking and hurt and making veiled references to my cheapness tonight. Yay.

WOW I'm married to your twin. I love big rushes of acquisition! My wife on the otherhand does not.

Today we are not fighting per se either, but she saw 12 roses delivered to her office today and they were for the office newly wed. She snapshotted me a picture of them and a little quote - "thought those were mine - denied :( "

Uhg! I think I shold stop at the flower shop now on my way home and spend the un godly $65 bucks on 12 long stem roses... It just grinds me that next week they will be back to 20 bucks a dozen!

wow, this rainy weather is getting to me. Why couldn't we get the snow?

[Flutterby]

No SO to fight with. I've been single every Valentine's day of my life (even been dumped within a couple of days of it).

I hate it because it makes me feel like I have to have someone around. For the most part I've grown content with being single, I have my days where I wish there was someone in my life and I get depressed for a bit then I get over it. Valentine's day just seems custom made to rub it in (though for most of the day I managed to avoid the fact that it was v-day).

Mostly I was planning to break out the toys and a bottle of wine to get myself tipsy and ravish myself before calling it an early night (I do have to work tomorrow).

[Leaffan]

Well, we're not fighting, but we really haven't been too close for a while now. We're getting more and more detached as time goes by. Honestly, if it wasn't for the kids I would have packed it in by now.

I'm not looking for any sympathy. It's just going to be hard for either of us to go through the motions tonight.

[Bobotheoptimist]

Yeah, but talking about will just make things worse, I'm sure.

[Litoris]

Not fighting, because he is away at Ft. Knox until Friday. Missed my birthday last week and Valentine's Day today. Or maybe that was the best gift of all? :D

[LionelHutz405]

She snapshotted me a picture of them and a little quote - "thought those were mine - denied :( "

Wow, that sounds really bitchy.

[Cat Whisperer]

I think flowers delivered at work may have been invented by the devil. Possibly. The jury's still out. I'm planning to buy myself some very nice flowers for the house when they go on sale tomorrow. :)

[ASAKMOTSD]

My wife called this morning to tell me what a bad way she was having. I started to order up some flowers to send her - then I realized it was Valentine's Day & the likelihood of doing that approached zero. (I gave her flowers on her birthday last week, so I did not order any for Valentine's Day delivery to start with).

Hmmm - I wonder if I get credit for good intentions?

[astro]

My GF picked today to suggest we open a joint savings account together, and seemed a bit miffed that I didn't agree immediately. Not exactly a fight, but it felt a little uncomfortable. "What, you don't trust me?" :confused:

Girlfriend? What in the world would be the logical purpose of joint account for two unmarried people? Even long term married couples often maintain separate accounts.

[teela brown]

WOW I'm married to your twin. I love big rushes of acquisition! My wife on the otherhand does not.



Don't get me wrong - I'm as acquisitive as the next person. I love new stuff, too, but someone has to be realistic about the finances. There's "spending a lot" and then there's "coming dangerously close to bankrupting us." Sometimes I get pretty tired of being the policeman and having to say "no" to over-the-top spending.

[lavenderviolet]

She snapshotted me a picture of them and a little quote - "thought those were mine - denied :( "

I have to agree that was not a very nice thing for her to do. Seems rather rude to just leap to the conclusion you didn't get her anything when the day isn't even over yet. Do you normally buy her something?

[badkittypriestess]

Yeah, but talking about will just make things worse, I'm sure.


nice, really nice...... :mad:

Hey featherlou send some chocolates my way!

[MadPansy64]

I guess the title mostly says it all. :(

Anyone else? Please share my Unhappy Valentine's Day with me. (Oh, I think there will be chocolate today. Lots and lots of it.)

Oh, if you just hate Valentine's Day, feel free to contribute. We can have a big ol'e Pity and Chocolate Party.

Well, me and mine are too sick to argue about anything, but we're certainly not having a happy V-day. We just (30 minutes ago) found out that we're moving again. He has strep, bronchitis & a torn muscle in his side (from coughing). I have pneumonia & strep, and plan on throttling him as soon as we can breathe again.

I'm not much of a V-day fan anyway, but this year just takes the cake.

[Phlosphr]

I have to agree that was not a very nice thing for her to do. Seems rather rude to just leap to the conclusion you didn't get her anything when the day isn't even over yet. Do you normally buy her something?
Yes - but she has been having a very tough time lately...big promotion, no kids yet, 30's....Hmmmm what else can I say.

I ended up buying Mrs.P something very nice.

[Rubystreak]

Today we are not fighting per se either, but she saw 12 roses delivered to her office today and they were for the office newly wed. She snapshotted me a picture of them and a little quote - "thought those were mine - denied :( "

This is why people, esp. men, hate Valentine's Day. Because there are women who say things like this to their SO's, create these bizarre (and expensive) expectations that prop up what amounts to a Hallmark holiday.

Also, I don't understand the appeal of cut flowers at all. They are expensive, they die all over the place, cats eat them and barf, they are the severed sex organs of plants... what could be less romantic?

That said, I didn't even have the option of fighting with my SO. I was snowed in and didn't get to see him. :( I would have liked to hang out with him whether it was VD or not. Ah well. Next year.

[WhyNot]

Yeah, we're not exactly fighting, but we're all sick. Well, that's not quite true. He WAS sick, and is now mostly over it, except when I ask him to play with the baby so I can nap or go get me some more Airborne at the Walgreens across the street or drive the older kid to school, since he can't ride his bike in the snow and I shouldn't be outside right now. Then he's suddenly "too sick...cough, cough". Grr. So frickin' annoying. Who was going out to buy him medicine and making him soup and sympathetic noises and playing with the baby all day at the other end of the apartment so he could sleep last week when he really was sick? Yeah, me, of course. And yet I'm somehow still on default Baby Duty (and a sick 2 year old is just so much fun, lemme tell you) with a head full of snot and lymph glands swollen out to here.

Neither of us has even mentioned Vday.

I feel so sexy. Not.

[Captain Carrot]

I've had one nice Valentine's Day. That was five years ago. Five years is rather more for a teenager than it is for someone in his fifties.

I hate the damned 'holiday'.

[brendon_small]

WOW I'm married to your twin. I love big rushes of acquisition! My wife on the otherhand does not.

Today we are not fighting per se either, but she saw 12 roses delivered to her office today and they were for the office newly wed. She snapshotted me a picture of them and a little quote - "thought those were mine - denied :( "

Uhg! I think I shold stop at the flower shop now on my way home and spend the un godly $65 bucks on 12 long stem roses... It just grinds me that next week they will be back to 20 bucks a dozen!

wow, this rainy weather is getting to me. Why couldn't we get the snow?

That is where I get lucky. No one wants other flowers on Valentine's Day, and my SO loves Lillies...so I went to the flower shop and got a nice bunch of lillies for half off! Everyone was waiting in line for roses. Definitely made me day better.

Brendon

[Kid_A]

I wouldn't say we're fighting so much as I am trying to decide whether or not I want to end things with her. We've been dating for 2 1/2 years and 2007 has been an ongoing struggle with her, I can't think of one memory from the past month and a half that hasn't been tainted by her negativity. Fights have increased in their frequency. Things go back further than the past month and a bit but I'm at a breaking point. I just think we've grown apart and I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't enjoy enough of the same interests as me. I don't know if I love her anymore.

I've never broken up with someone before and I'm petrified of doing so. Hell, I've never been in a relationship where someone was more fond of me than I was of them. I just don't know what to do.

My subscription for the past year was worth it just for this post.

[Bobotheoptimist]

I admit it, ruining Valentine's Day was my fault this year. She put forth some effort, I didn't.

[Rushgeekgirl]

Yup, me and my sweetie almost never fight, but today was the day.

I made a special dinner and got out my pretty nightie. Even put on a little eyeliner and lip gloss, which is an amazing feat for me. Negotiated with one daughter to watch younger daughter and planned on a sweet quiet night.

Strike one:
He came home from work in an unshakable bad mood.

Strike two:
He forgot it was Valentines day. I wasn't looking for a gift (although I'll admit I like a nice surprise now and then although money is very tight right now) just...I don't know, maybe SOME sort of enthusiasm for my efforts. He just rolled his eyes and said "sorry" and walked off to the other room to listen to his music.

Strike three:
He made a nasty crack about me not being able to keep up with my money when half the time I can't find my money because he's taken it from my purse. Which is perfectly fine since it's HIS money, but I don't lose money. Ever. He does. And it just didn't sit well with me, his making that crack.

So we haven't spoken all night and he's already in bed. And I'm wearing my funky old comfy pjs and eating dinner alone.

But it's not so bad. We'll make up tomorrow and all will be fine again.
Stupid Valentines day. Any other day and it would have been no big deal at all and right now I feel like it's mostly my fault we didn't make up before he went to sleep.

[ScareyFaerie]

Anyone else?
Nope...quite the opposite. 'im indoors turned up unexpectedly on the doorstep last night with two big bouquets of flowers and we went out with a couple of friends for the evening. I hadn't expected to see him yesterday because he's working away during the week. I'm still all happy today!

[Nava]

My SO decided that last night, as were settling in bed for the night was the perfect time to raise a topic that we have discussed over and over and always causes an argument and hurt feelings. He says I should 'have an open mind' on the subject which to him means 'you should just do what I want'. We're supposed to go out to dinner tonight, so we'll see how it goes.

My father apparently did that, I think it should be grounds for divorce... Just as Mom (already half-asleep) was settling down and snuggling in, he'd say "you know, I was thinking..." SiL does it to Bro. One of my uncles to his wife. Another aunt to her husband. One of my uncles has a different take: he'll do it when his wife is cooking. A friend does it when his wife's in the shower.

Is it compulsory to have one of the two be oblivious to when is Not A Good Time?

[ScareyFaerie]

They must think that it is a good time because the other person is distracted enough by what they're doing, or just by being half-asleep and comfortable, and that makes it The Perfect Time For That Talk.

[Antinor01]

My father apparently did that, I think it should be grounds for divorce... Just as Mom (already half-asleep) was settling down and snuggling in, he'd say "you know, I was thinking..." SiL does it to Bro. One of my uncles to his wife. Another aunt to her husband. One of my uncles has a different take: he'll do it when his wife is cooking. A friend does it when his wife's in the shower.

Is it compulsory to have one of the two be oblivious to when is Not A Good Time?

They must take a class or something. ;)

Got through dinner last night with no fighting. He seemed to realize that I wasn't thrilled with his actions tuesday night and made an effort to be pleasant. So we managed to have a good time and things seem to have settled back down.

At least until he decides to bring 'the topic' up again.

[JimSox5]

My girlfriend declared it the worst Valentine's Day ever. It was (mostly) not my fault, though. I was able to get flowers to her, which made her happy. She was upset when she called me and I didn't realize it was V-Day. To be fair, though, she called me before my alarm went off, I hadn't really gotten my bearings yet. Mostly, though, she was upset because of her ongoing feud with her roommate (were best friends going in, now hate each other. . .it happens, unfortunately), and because I couldn't make it up to see her because of all the snow and awful weather that makes the roads unsafe to drive on. We're going to see each other tomorrow, though, so things should be better then.

[VenusProbe]

Same as last year, I gave her a card and a box of truffles. She gave me nothing and went to bed.

I'm done with it.

[Missy2U]

Went and made homemade cards for my son and my husband. Got my son a little cake, got my husband his favorite candy, got the dog a special treat.

Ended up buying myself my OWN damn candy. And this was on the way home from running an errand for my husband! I will say, he brought me a beer last night, once, while we were watching the tape of Bonanza. Woo hoo!

This is getting to be habitual with those two (and I know it's probably my fault so don't harp on me) - what they did at Christmas, now Valentine's Day, it's my birthday in three weeks and I bet I get zip for that too. Even dinner out would have been nice. And nobody even said Happy Valentine's Day... :(

[Kalhoun]

Girlfriend? What in the world would be the logical purpose of joint account for two unmarried people? Even long term married couples often maintain separate accounts.
We had a joint account for 9 years before we got married. We lived together and accumulated all our bills together. It only makes sense.

[Cat Whisperer]

Well, I didn't get out much yesterday (still pretty cold), but the Chinook is in town today, so I'll be off to buy myself copious amounts of chocolate and something nice.

RushGeekGirl - aren't those unshakable bad moods the BEST!? Especially when they have absolutely nothing to do with you, but you still get to put up with the poopy husband. What fun.

[InappropriateHumor]

Well, we're not fighting, but we really haven't been too close for a while now. We're getting more and more detached as time goes by. Honestly, if it wasn't for the kids I would have packed it in by now.

I'm not looking for any sympathy. It's just going to be hard for either of us to go through the motions tonight.

/Hijack

I went through this recently. After 6 years of staying together for the children, I was beginning to resent my husband, and well on the way to hating him. I decided to end it before I did really hate him and couldn't bear to speak with him. I may have left it a bit late. (we were married 19 years)

Even though you didn't ask for sympathy, you have it.

[corkboard]

Wow, this thread is full of bummers. I mean, I know that was pretty much the subject matter of the OP and all, but I'd be in a funk if it weren't for this post that made me smile:

Originally posted by Flutterby
Mostly I was planning to break out the toys and a bottle of wine to get myself tipsy and ravish myself before calling it an early night (I do have to work tomorrow).Atta girl!

That and the fact that I got some sweet lovin' by McWife last night.

[Larry Mudd]

Girlfriend? What in the world would be the logical purpose of joint account for two unmarried people? Even long term married couples often maintain separate accounts.Mmm. I'm not too clear on what the benefit is supposed to be, myself. A joint chequing account I could see, for rent/groceries/bills, etc. Would make things simpler.

But that's not what she means -- she means savings specifically. The rationale has to do with helping me sort my finances out, somehow -- and there's absolutely no question that she's the authority in that department. I'm just getting on my feet financially after a few years of being a total slacker.

It's weird because nothing is written in stone right now, and she often seems quite ambivalent about the whole deal, although I'd be quite content to knock her up and put a ring in my nose tomorrow.

If it were anyone else I'd be sure it was a transparent scheme to make a grade-a sucker out of me, but as long as I've known her she's been ethical to a fault, pretty much.

I think her motivations are pure -- she's better off than I am in that department and I'm sure she'd just like to see me get it together a little faster... but I don't get it. :confused:

She brought it up again today, and still the same huffiness.

Apart from that, last night we had a late night demi-argument about education. Somehow we got on about how I never completed high school (I've been working since I was 15) and she was somehow appalled at my attitude about it. I'm not sure why. "You should!" she says. I guess if and when I want to pursue some post-secondary courses, I'll take the time to do the GED, but I don't see the value in it otherwise. I don't get it. It's not as though my education is below the high-school level -- I can do algebra, calculus, symbolic logic, etc... I have a decent grasp of history and geography, I have a good grasp of English, basic understanding of organic chemistry, etc.. etc.. It seems she finds it unacceptable that I don't have a diploma. She opines that I will be considered unemployable in Quebec without one. What the..?

Who asks to see a thirty-something-year old person's high school diploma? I've never been asked for such a thing. It seems obvious to me that if someone has never learned the sorts of things that your supposed to learn in high school, it should be obvious from the interview process.

I don't understand -- she implied that there was something fundamentally lacking in me because I didn't stick it out until graduation, and that I should be ashamed. I could tell she was really upset, too; she turns as red as a beet.

Fuck. Woke up with that on my mind.

[Cat Whisperer]

Well, I'd have to say, Larry, it does sound like something is going on with her. Maybe she's serious about you, but you have a couple of quasi-deal-breakers for her, and she's trying to reconcile herself with them.

[Lissa]

Who asks to see a thirty-something-year old person's high school diploma? I've never been asked for such a thing.

I don't technically have a high school diploma, either.* No one has ever asked me about it, except for a survey. Unless a job has specific education qualifications, most employers seem to be more interested in your job history than your education.

* I attended an unaccredited Christian school. I graduated, but according to my state, I've been a dropout since the eighth grade when I left the public system to attend that school.

[Larry Mudd]

Well, I'd have to say, Larry, it does sound like something is going on with her. Maybe she's serious about you, but you have a couple of quasi-deal-breakers for her, and she's trying to reconcile herself with them.Yeah, I think that's fairly transparent. I don't actually mind being "On Notice" with her in some ways, I'm long overdue for a nice hot cup of Wake The Fuck Up and I know it -- and I have found some motivation somewhere.

This last thing mystifies me though, because (like Lissa,) experience has led me to put the value of a high school diploma somewhere around zero, when it comes to employment. Although re-reading this made me laugh: It seems obvious to me that if someone has never learned the sorts of things that your supposed to learn in high school, it should be obvious from the interview process.Good thing I proof-read my cover letters more carefully. :smack:

Anyway, yesterday she seemed to be working awfully hard to reassure me about everything.

The funny thing is I know that it would go much easier with her if I was ambivalent about it all. She totally sees through me when I try to fake that, though. She knows I'm fucking crazy about her. Puts me at a disadvantage. :D

[AngelicGemma]

It started off well with roses, and went downhill from there. I may just ignore Valentine's next year.

[Kricket]

13 years of marriage and nada for birthdays, anniversaries, or christmas so why should valentines day be different?
I spent my day in Everquest with my warrior friend and we never mentioned the day to each other except with it came up in guild chat. And he informed everyone that I was mean and didn't send him anything. (fib) And we had a laugh over that. What did he get me? Nothing, but spending time with me.
I'm with InappropriateHumor in that I think I've stayed too long. I'm at the point where I hate him.
And I agree the Denied text wasn't so nice.
I had a guy at church tell me that at least I wasn't going to be alone on valentines day. Yes, because it's so much better to be with someone whom you have no feelings for and the disappointment every year of nothing.
I should be used to it by now and I tell myself every year to expect nothing, but it still sucks every time.

[Cat Whisperer]

Well, that truly sucks, Kricket. What's that old saying- it's better to BE alone than WISH you were? It's sounds like you're pretty much there.

[Tomcat]

Wow, we just had to contend with the grandparents visiting...so, nothing romantic, but no arguments. I cooked, they fed, I surfed, we put the kids to bed, then slept. In the middle of the night I woke up with insomnia and made her a window painting of a heart with our initials while everyone else slept. Our daughter confiscated it in the morning. I think she knows I made it for her.

Love and marriage, love and marriage...

-Tcat