Favorite Futurama Quotes!

[Merkwurdigliebe]

I'm so sorry to talk so often about Futurama, but I think it's the most clever cartoon ever made...

I'll get the ball rolling with the BEST quote in the last episode of it's first run. That's right folks! It's coming back, but you already knew that.


Fry: "That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing."
Bender: "Oh, but you can! (cue dramatic music) Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically I mean get your coat."

The bender/fry relationship in this episode is great.

[Long Time Lurker]

Leela: What's the mission?
Professor: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Professor: This is no ordinary honey!

[Jake]

Lelia: "You don't have to seduce me! I'm still secuced from the last time!
Or" "I Blunk!" from when she was getting two eyes.
I'm just getting warmed up. What a great show with excellent writing!

[Menocchio]

Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac, be reasonable!

[pinkfreud]

Amy Wong: " I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery here and here."

[Hypno-Toad]

ALL GLORY TO... well, you know.

[Der Trihs]

Fry : "Maybe the secret ingredient is . . . PEOPLE !"
Leela : "No, that's Soylant Cola."



Peasant Robot : "I choose to believe, what I was programmed to believe !"

[Menocchio]

Fry : "Maybe the secret ingredient is . . . PEOPLE !"

Leela : "No, that's Soylant Cola."
How does it taste?
It varies from person to person.

[Bryan Ekers]

"Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973..."

[Antinor01]

"Doomsday device? Aha, now the ball is in Farnsworths court. I suppose I could part with one and still be feared."

Gotta love Professor Farnsworth.

[Biggirl]

Someone who has a better memory than me post my favorite. Fry was in robot jail and the crew comes to visit him. The professor says something like:

I've done my time in prison and I'm glad to say: It's almost over!

But that's not it exactly.

[Lady of the Lake]

(My husband likes to walk around the house talking like Zap Brannigan, so hopefully I've got this quote close to what it is! )

Zap: "...I'll have you know that I have a very sexy learning disablility. Kif! What do I call it?"

Kif: Sighs "Sexlexia."

[Marley23]

"Don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum ... But now it's nearly over."

[Merkwurdigliebe]

something along the lines of....
Professor: Fry, you idiot, don't you realize that if you stay down here much longer that your body will adapt to the pressure and you'll never be able to return to the surface?"
Fry: "Realize it? I don't even understand it!"

Also from the same episode:

Fry: I can't swallow that...
Professor: Well then GOOD NEWS! It's a suppository!"

Professor: He may be suffering from ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness!

[olivesmarch4th]

WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!

Amy Wong: [crying] We're trying our best!
Bender: [yelling] Your best is an idiot!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
Glurmo: Why, those are the Grunka-Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them.

Fry: That doesn't look like an L, unless you count lowercase.
Bender: *smacks Fry across the face with a look of utter disdain* You know we don't!

Fry: *sighs wistfully* I can't wait 'til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

And though it doesn't lend itself well to simple quotation, one of the classic Bender moments is in the episode where they're in a speeding bus sailing over a cliff and Bender heroically shouts,
''I'll save me!''

Note to the OP: The ''metaphorical deal with the devil'' bit is one of the most oft-quoted in our household.

[Miller]

Fry: We can escape through this steam pipe!
Breaks open pipe
Fry: Oh no! It's full of steam!

Zap: I came to you Leela, because you're the only woman who has ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you, Zap.
Zap: I meant physically.

[Captain Amazing]

From the episode with the Globetrotters, after the Globetrotters beat Farnsworth's team

Leela: Now the whole universe will be cracking wise about our mamas!
Hermes: I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this.
Professor: Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have other problems.

Then, later in the same episode, where "Bubblegum" Tate helps them solve the mystery of the time skips and reveals that he's senior lecturer of quantum physics at Globetrotter University:

Professor: You're THAT "Bubblegum" Tate?

[Shoeless]

Leela: What's the mission?
Professor: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Professor: This is no ordinary honey!
Similar to the episode with the tanker full of dark matter.
Professor: I'm sending you all on a very controversial mission.
Leela: Controversial?!?
Professor: Oh no, not at all!

[Wee Bairn]

I'm paraphrasing here- bad memory and all:

Someone: It gets down to 100 below here at night.
Someone else: Fahrenheit or Celsius?
Someone: First one, then the other.

[Merkwurdigliebe]

"Sweet Zombie Jesus!" That is censored on Comedy Central

I love how the return of Jesus is treated like an offhand occurence

"Of course all the videotapes were destroyed with the return of Jesus in 2488"

The thing about Hermes' promiscuous mother really had me in tears..." The Hermes Professor relationship is an often underdeveloped one, but can be really great! I love the time when Hermes wants to commit suicide by jumping off the Planet Express building...

Professor: "Stop hogging that liver and jump already!"
Bender: "Do a flip!"

Also this one is classic!

Farnsworth: Forget it, I'm not going! I have my reasons! Shut up all of you!

Hermes: Strange. You haven't acted suspicious since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

[pinkfreud]

Leela: So, how was the universe created?
Nibbler: [unintelligible babbling in the Nibblonian language]
Leela: And the meaning of existence?
Nibbler: [more Nibblonian babbling]
Leela: So every religion is wrong.

[Max Torque]

Something someone posted recently made me recall this one, which sounded like my response to the situation in my head:

Amy: Why don't you try homeopathic remedies? Like some herbal tea, or echinacea?
Farnsworth: Or a big fat placebo! It's all the same crap!

Which ranks right up there with the robot truck looking for scientists:

Person: I have a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Robot: You have a degree in baloney! [sprays him with water cannon]

[dangermom]

My personal favorite is when Dr. Zoidberg goes insane at a gym, and interrupts a pre-natal water aerobics class.

Mothers: "AAAIIIIIEEE!" (plopping, crying newborns)
Someone: Is there a doctor in the house?"
Zoidberg, gibbering: I'm a doctor!
Mothers: AAAAIIIIEEEE! (more plopping)

[HubZilla]

Dr. Zoidberg at a horse race:

"No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it."

I felt so pretentious when I the only one of my buddies to chuckle.

[pravnik]

Racetrack PA announcer: And the winner is number three, in a quantum finish.
Professor Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
(on preview: damn, too late!)

Marv Albert: Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just occurred in this basketball match between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Fry: Wow! That guy makes Speedy Gonzalez look like Regular Gonzalez!

[Silence of the clams]

When Bender gets to meet his favourite TV chef Elzar:

"Oh this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is - no, this one. Wait...that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one."



And lets not forget Elzar himself:

"Folks tell the neighbours to watch your mouth 'cause your tastebuds are going on vacation."

I wish I could cook like that ;)

[Miller]

I'm paraphrasing here- bad memory and all:

Someone: It gets down to 100 below here at night.
Someone else: Fahrenheit or Celsius?
Someone: First one, then the other.

I believe Someone was the moon farmer, and Someone Else was Fry.

You remember the moon farmer? He had three beautiful robot daughters: Trixie, Dixie, and The Crushinator 5000.

[Bryan Ekers]

You remember the moon farmer? He had three beautiful robot daughters: Trixie, Dixie, and The Crushinator 5000.
Well, actually, they were LuluBell 7, Daisy May 128K and The Crushinator.


Sadly, I didn't even have to look that up.

[AmericanMaid]

Al Gore "I have ridden the mighty moon worm!"

Fry "Where's the bathroom?"
Bender "The what room?"
Fry "The bathroom."
Bender "The bathwhat?"
Fry "The bathroom."
Bender "The whatwhat?"

TREES DOWN!

"Fry crack corn and I don't care, Leela cracks corn and I don't care, Bender cracks corn and he is great. Take that you stupid corn"

[Gangster Octopus]

Cheese it!!

[muldoonthief]

Zapp Brannigan: "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is bruised and spongy."


Nixon's Head: "I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!"


Professor: "Get off my property!"
Hippie: "You can't own property man!"
Professor: "Yes I can, because I'm not a penniless hippie!"


Llrr, after eating said hippie: "Whoa, my hands are huge! They can touch anything except themselves." (touches hands together) "Oh, wait..."

[Rich Mann]

"My hands can touch anything but themselves!" (touches hands together) "Oh, wait..."

There's a very similar line which might be from The Simpsons:

"Why do they call them 'fingers'? They don't 'fing'." (bends fingers) "Oh, wait..."

Come to think of it--Is the actor who does the King of Omicron Pesei 8 the same as the one who does Otto the bus driver?

[Arien]

Fry: You mean we can never catch up to him? Even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

From an episode of the Scary Door: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
Bender: Saw it coming.

Zapp Brannigan: Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

[friedo]

Come to think of it--Is the actor who does the King of Omicron Pesei 8 the same as the one who does Otto the bus driver?

Lrrr is played by Maurice LaMarche (of Pinky and the Brain fame) and Otto is voiced by Harry Shearer.


Prof. Farnsworth: Aahh, so that's what life would be like if I had invented the Finglonger. A man can dream, though. A man can dream!

[pinkfreud]

Is the actor who does the King of Omicron Pesei 8 the same as the one who does Otto the bus driver?Maurice LaMarche is the voice of the King of Omicron Persei 8; Harry Shearer is the voice of Otto the bus driver. It troubles me that I knew this without looking it up.

Edit: I am less troubled now, since I see that someone else knew the answer a minute before I did.

[Lord Ashtar]

My favorite line comes from one of the "What If" episodes, where Fry never went to the future. He got to meet the guy who invented D&D who said, "It's a...(rolls dice)...pleasure to meet you!"

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Richard Nixon's Head: Hello Morbo, how's the family?
Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
Richard Nixon's Head: Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

Professor Farnsworth: If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society.
Hermes: But what about the worms in the other parts of his body?
Professor Farnsworth: Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

[The lab is collapsing.]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys, do something! Satan, you owe me!

Morbo, Nixon & the Proffessor get the best lines!

[lilflower]

I like when Professor Farnsworth says that dark matter is so heavy that one pound weighs almost 10,000 pounds.

[mobo85]

Oh sure, everyone wants to save Hitler's brain. But when you want to put it in the body of a shark, suddenly you've gone too far.

[Jayrot]

You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster...The second one.

[Drunky Smurf]

There are a bunch of good quotes from the episode where Fry gets worms and they make him all smart.

Bender: "Hey Fry what's that black cracker?"
Fry: "A tomato."

also

Prof. 'whispering': "Nobody make a smell."

[Miller]

"Turns out it's man."

[NailBunny]

Morbo, Nixon & the Proffessor get the best lines!

You stole my favourite Morbo line (Beligerent and numerous). I WILL DESTROY YOU!

[cmkeller]

Fry: It's like sex, except I'm having it! (though for a nerd character, he gets his share of female flesh)

Zapp Brannigan: I hate neutrals. With enemies, at least you know where you stand, but neutrals...

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed guards.../Grunka lunka dunkity dedient...

(I didn't need to identify the speakers there, did I?)

[Drunky Smurf]

From the episode where they travel back in time and they are sitting in the diner.

(not an exact quote, going off the top of my head)

The Prof: "Oh great a lesson on not changing history from Mr. 'I'm my own grandpa'."

[Finagle]

Prof. Farnsworth: "How can we be without power? We're in the future!"

[Autolycus]

Fry: If my grandfather died, then why I am still here.
Professor: You dolt, you're your own grandpa!
Fry: Nooooooo!

The opera scene with the Robot Devil and the hands

The scene where Santa is about to kill everyone naughty, except Zoidberg: "You've all been very naughty, except you Dr. Zoidberg, here, this is for you!" (hands over a pogo stick). Zoidberg: Hurray!

Zoidberg is probably my favorite character on the show.

[Giraffe]

So many good Futurama lines... Ones that immediately spring to mind:

(Bender and Fry are sitting on the couch watching TV)
Leela: "Ugh, look at you guys. No offense Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap."
Fry: (irritably) "Sack?!"

The "no offense, Fry" preface kills me every time. Oh, and I just watched the second "What if?" episode. Best line ever:

Bender: "Ooh, I want to know what if I was human. I mean, it's great being a robot and all, but we don't have emotions, and sometimes that makes me very sad."
Professor Farnsworth: "Oh, lordy loo, there he goes again. (sarcastically) Fine, let's give baby what he wants."

The way Bender's voice just drips with sorrow when he talks about how sad he is that he doesn't have emotions cracks me up.

[Beadalin]

Aw, AmericanMaid took mine. I love that bathroom exchange.

I am only thinking of this since it was on last night, but the episode with the Lucy Liu-bots:
"Oh Fry, I love the way you [mechanical]notice two things."

[Captain Amazing]

Al Gore "I have ridden the mighty moon worm!"


Fry: "Good for him."

[Santos L Halper]

While there are probably several hundred quote that'd fall into this category for me, the first few that come to mind:

Fry: I betcha Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye.
Bender: That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.
Fry: Yeah, that'd be a timesaver.
Leela: Do you mind?
Bender: Here you go. [He pulls out a fork.] You can use this as an eye-poker.
Leela: Thank you. But I don't care how many eyes a man has ... as long as it's less than five.

Kif: Shall I fire on them now, sir?
Zapp: Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Zapp: If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

and of course, my sig line:

[Santos L Halper]

Or how about:

Professor Farnsworth: Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!

[NailBunny]

Zapp Brannigan's best pickup lines:

"If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"

"I find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies."

(these get a lot of use in our household)

[Taber]

BENDER: Forget your stupid theme park! I'm gonna make my own! With hookers! And blackjack! In fact, forget the theme park!

[Giraffe]

Aw, AmericanMaid took mine. I love that bathroom exchange.

I am only thinking of this since it was on last night, but the episode with the Lucy Liu-bots:
"Oh Fry, I love the way you [mechanical]notice two things."Or, even better:

Fry, eating donuts: "Sometimes when I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more!"
Lucy Liu-bot: "You should write a book, Fry! People need to know about the CAN EAT MORE!"

[ExTank]

I forget the episode, but somebody comes in, says something, and Bender says, "Interesting! No, wait, the other thing."

I use that all the time around the office. Nobody gets it.

[bouv]

So many good ones already mentioned.

"I just made out with the radiator woman from the radiator planet!"
"Fry, that's a radiator."
"Oh...in that case, is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?"

[Miller]

So many good ones already mentioned.

"I just made out with the radiator woman from the radiator planet!"
"Fry, that's a radiator."
"Oh...in that case, is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?"

And then, seasons later, when we see Fry's funeral, there's a radiator among the mourners.

[Merkwurdigliebe]

Yeah, I'm watching a really good episode now. Remember the one where Leela finds out her parents are mutants? Well, they are allowed to leave the sewer and they take some baloon up to the top of a hugely cavernous roof to a ladder that goes down about 10 feet from a manhole cover in the roof. Bender goes up and then fry. Leela pauses for a second to look at the mysetrious strangers that had saved them.


FRY
Come on Leela. You can do it!


BENDER
Hurry! We're missing our bus!


[Leela climbs the ladder but looks back down again at the mysterious
hooded figures. She closes the manhole.]


FRY
Whoa! What are you doing?


BENDER
I'm gettin' on the bus!

I just crack up so hard every time I hear it.

Futurama is so damn good. The characters in the program are so highly developed and explored. I mean how the hell did they get Bender to be so lovable yet so self-centered! It's so great! I love the "Hell is other Robots" episode where at the end they have a photo montage of Robaunika, a holiday that Bender made up to not work. Obivously Fry and Leela celebrate it because they want him to be happy again and there's one picture where it shows bender throttling Fry and trying to cut him with a broken bottle with the other hand, then the NEXT picture shows all three of them with their arms around each others shoulder and fry with two bandages on his neck!

On the audio commentary they said something like, "You know, you know you've got a great character when he can try to kill another character and still remain likeable"

By the way, to all serious fans of the show, SERIOUSLY buy the DVDs if only to listen to the commentary. They are really top notch. Every episode has a commentary and a few have two different ones. And they have a large group commentating. You'll learn loads of great trivia and hear funny commentary by Billy West, and Maurice LaMarche, who does an EXCELLENT Shatner a few times, "YOU say sabotage, I say sabotash" Also, although the show is saved and in production again, it's not a bad idea to support it this way.

More Quotes!

When they go to the Love INC building where they make those chalky candy hearts with the saying. The two owners (a long-time couple) come in and get all gooey.

Leela: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding!
Professor shocks her with a cattle prod
Leela: Ooooh, that's SO SWEET
Professer shocks her again
Leela: OH that's SCHO SCHWEET!

Lrrr: No, it says "wuv" With an earth W
This concept of "wuv" confususes and infuriates us!

"Is heaven missing an angel? Cuz you've got NICE CANS!"
"My two favorite things are commitment, and changing myself"

Oh god, there is a great quote every second!

Farnsworth, "With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated improvements you've all been suing me about!"

[pravnik]

From an episode of the Scary Door: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
Bender: Saw it coming.That's what I was trying to remember: one of The Scary Door openings. My favorite:

Announcer: You're on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.

And also:

Announcer: You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster... The second one. Prepare to enter the Scary Door.


Announcer: You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.

[Morbo]

"Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles."
"Morbo agrees."
<both chuckle>

"So, puny humans have easily injured knees...my race will find this very useful indeed. MWUUUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Morbo is pleased but sticky." (I can't wait to use that one in another thread now that I've changed my username)

--------------------

"I'll...always...remember you...Fry... MEMORY DELETED."

--------------------

"Thus solving the problem once and for all."
"But-"
"ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!"

[essell]

Zap: As I'm sure you all know, the key to a battle is the element of surprise. So SURPRISE!
*presses button and drops soldiers out of the ship onto the planet*

Farnsworth: Goodnews everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. Thats not good news at all.

[Gangster Octopus]

I am going to cheat and not use a quote, but one of my all-time favorite Futurama moments is from the episode "Amazon Women in the Mood" when they tell Zap, Fry and Kiff they are sentenced to death "by Snu-Snu" which is of course sex....with htese giant women....whch wil be painful...annd sex. The expressions on Fry and Zapp's faces as they alternate between horror and excitement is gut-bustingly funny.

[olivesmarch4th]

You can't forget the Bear ''Hospital'':
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/futurama.htm (scroll to #10)

Best moment ever.

[bouv]

Zap: As I'm sure you all know, the key to a battle is the element of surprise. So SURPRISE!
*presses button and drops soldiers out of the ship onto the planet*


Zapp: We know nothing about their language, their culture, or what they look like. But we do know this: They stand for everything we don't. Plus, they told me you guys look like dorks!
Bender: They're the dorks!

[Der Trihs]

Robot Devil with Fry's hands : "They keep touching me in . . . places" < shudder >


Zap Brannigan : "What makes a man . . . neutral ?"


Professor : "No one must open the box ! It's forbidden, do you hear me ?! FORBIDDEN ! ! . . . still, it's such a nice shiny box, isn't it ?" < pets box > *


Alternate Farnsworth : "And when you create a parallel universe it's almost always populated by evil twins. "
Alternate Bender : "This is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me! I do my best, damnit! "


Fry about Bender : < gasp > "Benders turned evil !" < pause > "Alright, eviller."


Morbo to Zap : "Stop eating our children ! ! < Zap keeps munching >


* From memory; I'm sure I screwed it up

[Der Trihs]

Morbo to Zap : "Stop eating our children ! ! < Zap keeps munching >Not Morbo; the Zeta Persei guy.


Male Nibblonian : "Does he not know ?"
Nibbler : "He does not know. "
Female Nibblonian : "He knows not ?"
Nibbler : "Knows not does he."
Nibblonian : "Not he knows ?"


Femputer : "The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snued by the large women. He that is designated Fry will be snu-snued by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be snu-snued by the most beautiful women of Amazonia. Then the large women. Then the petite women. Then the large women again."

Fry : "Goodbye, friends. I never thought I'd die like this. But I always really, really hoped"


Farnsworth : "Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys, do something! Satan, you owe me! "


Sex-changed Bender : "Men make much better women than women do !"

[Ike Witt]

Bender: Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys, but after living on Earth, I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!




Fry: Remember, Scooty Puff Junior suuuucccckkkkssss.
Nibbler: In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

[Vinyl Turnip]

From "The Lesser of Two Evils," which introduced Bender's "evil" twin Flexo:

Flexo: Hey Fry... think fast!
<blows cloud of green gas in Fry's face; Fry sputters and coughs>
Flexo: Get it? It's chlorine!
Zoidberg: Hahahaha! It's funny because it's poisonous!

And from the same episode—Bender, Flexo, and Fry in a robot strip club called "Electric Ladyland," watching a huge fembot on-stage:

Bender: Hubba hubba, she is built! ... in Mexico, I believe.
Flexo: And that ain't silicon! It's tungsten, and plenty of it!
Fry: Uh, yeah. Look at that... exhaust fan!
<both robots react with "eeeww!!">
Bender: Pervert!

[Miller]

Fry and Bender enter room, see 110110101 written in blood on the wall.
Fry: Bender, what does that mean?
Bender: Nothing. It's gibberish.
Bender turns and sees writing reflected in mirror.
Bender: 101011011? AAAAAAH!

[thirdname]

There are too many for me to know where to start, but there was a Scary Door (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scary_Door) episode where a man is alone after an apocolypse; he finds a library but then he breaks his glasses. He finds large print books, but his eyes fall out. Then he finds the Braille editions, but his hands fall off and he falls completely apart.

Bender: "Cursed by his own hubris."

[Yumblie]

Fry approaches an old cheap fortune telling robot. I forget exactly how the exchange goes, but here's the gist:

Fortune Teller: Have you heard of the God-searching monks of Tibet?

Fry: (as if being helpful) I've...not heard of them...

[Bambi Hassenpfeffer]

"Kif! I have made it with a woman. Inform the men."

Linda: In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 "Polar Bear Club" today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.
Morbo: There were no survivors.

"Once again, today's winning Lotto number was 4."

"In lighter news, the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain."

"And I'm his friend Jesus!"

"Would you like some human with your salt?"

Walter Cronkite's Head: Season's Warnings, Linda and Morbo.

[Nic2004]

Fry : "Maybe the secret ingredient is . . . PEOPLE !"
Leela : "No, that's Soylant Cola."

You left out:
Fry: Is it any good?
Lela: It varies from person to person.

HA! Get it? Person to Person in the Soylent Cola! That's just some funny stuff!

[Nic2004]

[QUOTE=Der Trihs]Not Morbo; the Zeta Persei guy.[/QOUTE]
<snip>
Lor of Omicron Persei 8

[Darwin's Finch]

Leela: "Burn on the old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"

Morbo: "...And that's why the third graders of PS139 are Morbo's 'Vermin of the Week'"

Bender: "Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you?"
Fry: "Don't do it! He's evil!"
Robot Santa: "I know he is, but I have no choice."
The fact that Fry is talking to Bender, but Robot Santa answers is hilarious.

Fry: "Drugs are for losers, and hypnosis is for losers with big, weird eyebrows!"

Probably the best Futurama quote ever:
"You watched it, you can't unwatch it!"

[Marley23]

Femputer : "The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snued by the large women. He that is designated Fry will be snu-snued by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be snu-snued by the most beautiful women of Amazonia. Then the large women. Then the petite women. Then the large women again."
From the same episode:

Bender: You're no femputer! You're a fembot!
Fembot: It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer so I could rule the Amazonians.
Bender: But why?
Fembot: Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet. A planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer- that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot living in a manbot's manputer's world?
Bender: What?

Half the fun is in the way Bender says "What?" It's perfectly pitched between "I don't understand" and "I don't care."

[Bryan Ekers]

Lor of Omicron Persei 8

You mean... Lrrr?


"No beer until you finish your tequila!"

"I guess that's why Sarge says no hugging."

"That dance wasn't as safe as everyone said."

"Kids have names?!"

Fry: What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal and that's what makes us great. Like Doctor Zoidberg! He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and he does!
Zoidberg: Damn right!
Fry: And the Professor's a senile amoral crackpot.
Farnsworth: Ohhh, ye-eh-eh-eh!
Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
Hermes: Tally me banana!
Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.
Amy: [drops wine glass] L'oops!
Farnsworth: And Fry! You've got that brain thing!
Fry: I already did!

[Only Mostly Dead]

My favorite quote (the quantum finish) was already hit (twice).

So I'll go with one from "Fear of a Bot Planet":

Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.
Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy, B: A pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: A large properly formatted data file?
Guard Robot #1: Choose!
Fry: Is the puppy mechanical in any way?
Guard Robot #2: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.
Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
Guard Robot #2: Correct.
Guard Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.

[Jophiel]

After Nibbler & the Niblonians describe how Fry's brain is composed of cobbled together delta waves...

Leela: Or like a prom dress made of carpet remnants
Nibbler: YES! Like your prom dress!

[mobo85]

Lrrr, watching Stupid Age television shows:

Why doesn't Ross, the largest Friend, simply eat the other five?

[Gorgonzola]

Bender and God have this discussion after Bender does a disastrous stint as God:

God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.
God: Yes, if he makes it look like an electrical thing. If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.


And from my other big favourite, Bendin' in the Wind:

[looking over an old Hippy Volkswagen bus]
Amy Wong: This speedometer only goes up to 80. This machine can only go as fast as 80,000 miles an hour?
Fry: Nope. But it has a driver's side floor and an eight-track with genuine mono sound.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: But where's the device to speed up or slow the passage of time?
Fry: [Pulls out a bong] Under the seat.

[Merkwurdigliebe]

to mobo85

Lrrr: ugh! This is a Joey-heavy episode anyway

Also, don't forget


And dude! The "NONE LIKE IT HOT!" film was so wrong! The little girl asks: So what can we do to stop the greenhouse gasses?
Announcer guy: Luckly our handsomest politicians came up with a cheap-last minute solution!

Then she mentions: Just like daddy puts in his glass every morning........The he gets mad.....

He's being abusive to her when he says: ONCE AND FOR ALL! after she just mentions she's got an alcoholic abusive father! So wrong and yet so right!

[Bryan Ekers]

Why doesn't Ross, the largest Friend, simply eat the other five?Perhaps they are saving that for Sweeps.

[olivesmarch4th]

Dunno if any of you computer geeks noticed this, but in the episode where Bender inherits an old mansion from his dead robot relatives, there's an old-timey portrait on the wall of a distinguished looking robot and the title:


Commodore LXIV


Get it? :D

[tremorviolet]

From the same episode:

Bender: You're no femputer! You're a fembot!
Fembot: It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer so I could rule the Amazonians.
Bender: But why?
Fembot: Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet. A planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer- that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot living in a manbot's manputer's world?
Bender: What?

Half the fun is in the way Bender says "What?" It's perfectly pitched between "I don't understand" and "I don't care."

That entire episode was great. My favorite exchange:

Leela: Femputer, be reasonable. Sure men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of. But most of these men are sorta my friends. They don't deserve to die.

Femputer: Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

Thog: But they make fun women's basketball.

Femputer: What?! Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals make up for their inability to dunk?

Ornik: Yes. They still laugh.

Femputer: The men must die.

It's Bea Arthur's outrage that really sells the line...

[Robot Arm]

Person: I have a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Robot: You have a degree in baloney! [sprays him with water cannon]The diploma that he's waving is from my college.

[bouv]

The diploma that he's waving is from my college.

Evergreen State College?

[Morbo]

"I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment!"

[Silence of the clams]

Bender:

"Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap! I croaked, now show me some love!"


Seriously, Merkwurdigliebe, I love you for bringing up this thread. I had to flip through a few episodes last evening in pure nostalgia.

Heres a quote for you:

"Come on, guys. Merkwurdigliebe's countin' on us. Work faster, like this. [Bender pushes a quote up the side of the tomb and the guard runs after him, whipping as he goes. He stops to catch his breath.] You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this." [Bender takes the whip and whips himself. The rest of the slaves arrive with the quotes.]

[St. Urho]

Taber took my favorite.

I also really like:

Neutral Vice President: Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert.
Neutral President: If I don't survive, tell my wife "Hello."

[Dante]

From the "Anthology of Interest" episode, when they need a giant monster to combat the giant robot Bender:

Dr. Zoidberg: Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me!

[mobo85]

Bender and Leela debating robots in blernsball:

"He was a hitting machine!"
"Exactly. He was a machine designed to hit blernsballs."
"Oh, and you're probably going to say that Pitcherbot was just a modified howitzer."
"Exactly."

[Merkwurdigliebe]

Another one for you guys......

In the episode "Mother's Day" Fry tries to explain the concept of a "wheel" to them.

Farnsworth: Show us, this..."the wheel."

[Trion]

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched tv. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns! And also, he got a racecar! Is any of this getting through to you?

Fortune Teller: Look, you what false hope or not?

Bender: And I think I saw a 2!

[wolfman]

Kissinger: "We have seen enough body bags and ball sacks."


"That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!"

There is just something about the way they get everybody to deliver so many stupid lines with such seriousness it cracks me up.

[Darwin's Finch]

Bender: "Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree!"
Farnsworth: "But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver."

[Gadarene]

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched tv. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns! And also, he got a racecar! Is any of this getting through to you?

This one will never not be brilliant. :D

[Gangster Octopus]

I hope I get this right.

Jack Johnson: I say, my opponent's 5 cent Titanium tax goes too far.

John Jackson: And I say, my opponent's 5 cent Titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

[Jayrot]

Hermes: Sorry, I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home and relax the traditional Jamaican way: A glass of warm milk and good night sleep.

Fry: Jamaican? I thought you were some kinda outer-space potato man.

[Merkwurdigliebe]

One of the most hateful lines that Hermes has had, and really, hermes is at his best when he shows his hateful side is the one where Bender joins the robot mafia. Leela gets temporarily blinded. So she tries to fly the ship. We see it take off and crash through the opening ceiling because she didn't wait until it was fully open. Then cut to a scene where Hermes and Zoidberg are sitting at the round table with the hole in the background. Hermes delivers this classic line:

"That's coming out of YOUR pay!"

Then a despondent Zoidberg bawls into his claws.

It's so hilarious, because Zoidberg has absolutely nothing to do with it.

[Runestar]

Zoidberg: "There's no part of that sentence that I didn't like!"

[Bryan Ekers]

Hermes to Zoidberg: You're a crazy penniless lobster doctor! No combination of you should be a comedian!

[Merkwurdigliebe]

Listening to the commentary the writers said something like, "It became so much better after we established the fact that some characters didn't like the others. Hermes HATES Zoidberg.

From that episode when they are trapped in the ship at the bottom of the sea "The Deep South"

Bender: Tempers are wearing thin! Let's just hope some robot doesn't go crazy and kill everybody!"

Hermes: Everybody stay calm, there are rulebooks for such situations *holds up a book "Survivors Guide to Canibalsim"* First order of business is lunch! I suggest a nice Lobster Zoidberg......I mean Newberg, I mean Doctor Zoidberg"

I love it because you think they were using the typical, freudian-slip based comedy that is a bit tired, and turn it around because Hermes had every intention to suggest that they eat Dr. Zoidberg as a matter of course.

[Morbo]

"We commend the body of Hermentotip to the abode of the damned...

...the damned good looking!"

::smiles::

"Ahem. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral."

The look on his face as he smiles always cracks me up.

[Miller]

No love for Mom yet?

"Cram a bastard in it, you craps!"

[Trion]

Oh, God. Forgot Mom.

"I'm off to some charity B.S. for knocked-up teenage sluts."

[NailBunny]

"Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass!"

[Bryan Ekers]

Bender, Fry and Leela try to wake up Farnsworth:

Fry: Try shocking him!
Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! [no response]
Fry: Damnit! We'll have to fix the engine ourselves!
Leela: We can't, you bastard!

[Just1Lurk]

It's DOLOMITE, baby!

[Arien]

I love Fry's attempt at defending Leela in Parasites Lost.

Sal: Hey, sexy mama, let's get busy and freaky in that order!

Fry: Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love with you?

Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck stop chick!

Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck stop chick!

Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Fry: She does too! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!

I especially liked that he rolled up his sleeves and his pants legs before confronting Sal.

[Nic2004]

Not a direct quote but when Morbo announces Nixon's head has won the presidential election he says with head bowed
May death come quickly to his enemies

[dnooman]

"You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant feces processor!"

Fry: "I don't like discs crammed in me, unless they're Oreos, and then only in the mouth."

Hermes? "Shove it wherever your species traditionally shoves it."

Guard at Sluurm cave: "I don't miss twice campers!"

When Leila finds out that Al is a shapeshifting grasshopper she says "If you can change your body, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?" Everyone says "Ooooooh!" and then 2 seconds later Prof Farnsworth says "Woooooh!"

Morbo: "Kittens give Morbo gas."

[Pixiesnix]

Head of the Robot Mafia: What's that scab doin' flashin' his wad around? That money should be kicks in my back and slushing my fund.


Crazy Old Woman: I only have one share of Planet Kerjigger, but I move that we elect a new CEO in place of the cat-hater! Also that my cat smells nice and is pretty.


Professor Farnsworth, swirling to his death: With my last breath, I curse ZOIDBERG!

Just that he uses his last moments to take a dig at Zoidberg.



Servant of the Pharaoh: We learned many things from the Egyptians, such as how to prepare our dead so they could scare Abbot and Costello.

Fry: Heh heh! ....also Wolfman.

And one that makes me laugh every time, from "The Sting":

Hermes: Honeycomb's big! Yeah yeah yeah!

Leela: It's not small?

Hermes: No no no!

All delivered in that serious Futurama way.

[lokij]

Nixon: "I remember my body. Flabby, pasty, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God I loved it!"

Zoidberg: "Hurray! Once again the sandwich heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!"

Zoidberg: "You still have Zoidberg. You ALL still have Zoidberg!"

[Fern Forest]

"I'm still in mid-peril you dolts!"

"Wait a minute! Bender's name isn't Bonder."

"Donbot, open you mercy file and reconsider."
"File not found." I love the way he delivers that line.

"There's nothing in here but two elephant skin rugs."

And I wish to send some love Hermes for his song.
♪♪When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love even if it's not a good idea.♫

[Captain_C]

Something I used when telling my friends I was considering joining the Army:

"There is no obligation unless of course war were declared."
*alarm sounds*
"What's that?"
"War were declared."


Just the dead-pan verb tense is priceless, not to mention the entire scheme of wanting to join the military for the 10% off cards.

[Marley23]

"Donbot, open you mercy file and reconsider."
"File not found." I love the way he delivers that line.
And then they shoot the debtor robot full of holes -- and say "let that be a warning to you" before he gets up and walks out. :D

[Max the Immortal]

Zoidberg: They said I shouldn't have become a doctor,
Farnsworth: They poo-pooed my electric frankfurter,
Leela: They said I shouldn't fly with just one eye,
Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.

[Ike Witt]

There is a great Mom quote that is a deleted scene on one of the DVDs. I think it is from the episode where Bender is wrestling.
Make that bitch your bitch, you bastard.

[Weirddave]

Zapp: “The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards… checkmate."

Brilliant!

[Ponder Stibbons]

Unruly crowd of humans: "Kill all robots! Kill all robots!"

[Middlea]

Bender to Fry: " I don't want anyone to think we're robo-sexuals or anything like that...you can be my debugger".

Didn't catch it until the dozenth or so time I watched the pilot.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Apologies if this was done before, but I didn't notice it. It's one of my faves:

[Bender and Fry in Benders apartment]
Bender: [while sleeping] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all hu...
Fry: [shakes him] Bender wake up.
Bender: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
................
[Bender shuts himself down to sleep, Fry lies on the floor]
Bender: [while sleeping] Hey, sexy mama... Wanna kill all humans?