Tell me Starving Artist wouldn't be a burglar.

[Nancarrow]

I'm sure I recall reading somewhere that Starving Artist once told a group of people, "Once I leave my mom's basement, I'm going to break into all your houses and steal every last thing you own".

Since reading this, of course, you can imagine I feel the need to vilify him at every opportunity. My God, that Starving Artist is such a shithead. So, fellow dopers, please convince me that Starving Artist will do no such thing.

Now, I should add, I am a humble sort of fellow. I am quite open to having my errors corrected, and indeed I often visit The Straight Dope to have my "ignorance fought". I assure you, I opened this thread in the honest hope of either showing the world what a ghastly sort of fellow Starving Artist is, or letting the bright light of the collective Dope Intellect shine upon my brain and correct my misapprehensions on this issue. So if any of you can definitely prove that, prior to this posting, Starving Artist emphatically denied that he was going to break into all of our houses and steal everything we owned, I am quite willing to have my ignorance fought in this manner.

On further reflection, I realise some might say, "But Nancarrow, such ambitions as you ascribe are totally impossible! Starving Artist might conceivably attempt to break into one of our homes, but given the institutions of law and order that envelop and protect us all, SA simply wouldn't have the means to realise his ambitions." I admit this is true, and perhaps I phrased the title of this thread badly. Allow me to clarify. Mods, would you be so kind as to change the title of this thread to "Tell me Starving Artist isn't a would-be burglar"? Thanks so much. You see, by 'burglar', I was speaking of his own predilections and the lengths to which he would go to remove property from an unwilling populace, not that he could manage to become a burglar in point of fact.

I know you'll all enjoy correcting my errors in this thread. After all, what's the point of 'fighting ignorance' if the ignorantee (: pukey smiley: ) is supposed to do his own fighting?

You may also be thinking, "Come on Nancarrow, tell us another! You can't actually find any evidence that Starving Artist ever made such a statement can you?" Well, truly I cannot. But you see, I seem to recall he made it some fifteen or sixteen years ago, back in the days when the internet was in its infancy. Regrettably, it was all swept under the carpet and scant evidence exists of it nowadays.

Consider also this Q and A, that could have appeared on any website on the Internet over the last... er, existence of the Internet.

Q. What if I actually quite like the things I have and don't want to be parted from them?

A. Well, under the laws of this country and also most other countries of the world, you get to keep them. End of discussion.

Now such a Q&A would certainly seem to undermine my worries about Starving Artist. But I ask you, what precipitated the need for both question and answer, had concerns about this not arisen before? Hmm?

Finally, please note that, as I sincerely wish either to vilify Starving Artist or humbly to seek information regarding my error in this matter, I will probably not be responding to any replies to this thread. Unless of course, I do. In that case, please accept my apologies, and also this notice that, because all such replies have merely descended to name-calling, I really will subsequently refrain from posting.

Unless I'm too fucking drunk.

[Anaamika]

What are you talking about?

I never say this, but whatever you're on? I could use some of it right about now.

[What Exit?]

What are you talking about?

I never say this, but whatever you're on? I could use some of it right about now.
He is riffing on Tell me Hillary wouldn't be a socialist dictator. (http://208.100.26.199/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411047).

I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think Nancarrow made his point pretty darn well.

Jim

[Anaamika]

He is riffing on Tell me Hillary wouldn't be a socialist dictator. (http://208.100.26.199/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411047).

I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think Nancarrow made his point pretty darn well.

Jim
You can have parodies but unless the rules have changed you need to provide a linky-poo in the OP or in a subsequent post.

[Revenant Threshold]

I don't think this is a joke thread. It's satire, not just a punchline. This might be closed if the mods think we should stick to mocking SA in his own thread, though.

[Nancarrow]

You can have parodies but unless the rules have changed you need to provide a linky-poo in the OP or in a subsequent post.

My apologies. What Exit? has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be only jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not also be humorous, then all we'd really be left with is recreational outrage threads.

[Colibri]

I believe this counts as a joke thread in the pit. I wonder how long it will stay open. I do think Nancarrow made his point pretty darn well.


You misunderstand the rule. Parody threads are allowed, and that's clearly what this is. (Pittings are also allowed to be humorous, as long as they are genuine.) Nancarrow did err, however, in not linking to the original thread, but this has now been remedied. There shouldn't be a reason to close it.

In any case, with regard to the OP: Right on target. Well done!

[What Exit?]

My apologies. What Exit? has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be only jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not also be humorous, then all we'd really be left with is recreational outrage threads.
My apologies back and an excellent parody to go with the excellent pitting.

Colibri , you got me by mere seconds. I see my mistake and I do apologize.

Jim

[lowbrass]

Nice parody.

[Liberal]

It won't be closed, don't worry.

[Hentor the Barbarian]

It won't be closed, don't worry.Do go on, Liberal. What is your point here?

[woodstockbirdybird]

Do go on, Liberal. What is your point here?

Ah, shit. Way to take the bait, man.

[Nancarrow]

It won't be closed, don't worry.

Post padder.

[Liberal]

Do go on, Liberal. What is your point here?Um, that he shouldn't worry. It won't be closed. He hasn't run afoul of any rule or protocol. It is a long established custom that the Pit is the place for parodies.

[Hentor the Barbarian]

Um, that he shouldn't worry. It won't be closed. He hasn't run afoul of any rule or protocol. It is a long established custom that the Pit is the place for parodies.Oh, well, then. What a nice thought. It was nice of you to offer your opinion on what will happen to the thread, then.

Boy, that Liberal. He's just such a nice young man.

[kaylasdad99]

Indeed. If it had been a joke thread, it would have been titled Why did the socialist dictator burglar cross the road?, or How many socialist dictator burglars does it take to change a light bulb?, or perhaps So a socialist, a dictator, and a burglar walk into a bar...

:D

[Anaamika]

My apologies. What Exit? has provided the relevant link. Whilst the OP is humorous, it is also a pitting. My understanding of the joke rule is that pit threads cannot be only jokes. OTOH if the rule meant genuine pit threads could not also be humorous, then all we'd really be left with is recreational outrage threads.
I do think you made your point wonderfully.

[Nancarrow]

*Cough*. Hey, fuckface, this is a PIT thread.



thanks anyway

[Anaamika]

*Cough*. Hey, fuckface, this is a PIT thread.



thanks anyway
Sorry. Everybody likes you, and your thread, it seems. But if you really want -

Provide a fucking link next time, asshole!

...Nah, I can't really mean it.

[Liberal]

Oh, well, then. What a nice thought. It was nice of you to offer your opinion on what will happen to the thread, then.

Boy, that Liberal. He's just such a nice young man.And you were nice to join in as well. Let us kiss one another. Tea? Crumpet?

[Nancarrow]

I tell you, the pit just ain't what it used to be.

[silenus]

So why did the socialist dictator burglar cross the road? :confused:

[Enginerd]

To levy taxes against the property owners on the other side?

[Colibri]

So why did the socialist dictator burglar cross the road? :confused:

Depends. Do you mean a socialist dictator who is also a burglar, or a burglar who steals socialist dictators?

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Nancarrow, I was around while Starving Artist was talking to himself in the basement. I followed the monologue closely, and he mentioned many things, but never mentioned breaking into people's houses. There's your evidence!

Daniel

[Contrapuntal]

Statically speaking, Starving Artist would become a burglar long before HRC would become a socialist dictator.

[Polycarp]

So a socialist, a dictator, and a burglar walk into a bar...

:D


Indeed. You would think at least one of them would have noticed it, and ducked! :dubious:

Playing it straight, however, I would have to say to Nancarrow that some rumour he heard back in the 1990s before Al Gore invented the Internet, which he cannot substantiate in any way other than his memory, is insufficient grounds on which to entertain seriously the proposition that Starving Artist did at one time avow his intent to become a burglar.

Now, if we could only find a way to extend that principle to lady Senators who formerly were First Ladies and their effort to provide health care for the uninsured, and to prevent fraud among medical insurance providers in the process, perhaps we might get somewhere.

[Nancarrow]

Statically speaking, Starving Artist would become a burglar long before HRC would become a socialist dictator.

Actually, statically speaking, nothing much would become at all.

[Starving Artist]

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Well done, sir...or madame, as the case may be! A rollicking good OP, if I do say so myself!

[Starving Artist]

So a socialist, a dictator, and a burglar walk into a bar...

...and one of the patrons says, "Hi, Hillary...what's with the mask?"

[kaylasdad99]

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Well done, sir...or madame, as the case may be! A rollicking good OP, if I do say so myself!
One of them had to be...

[Polycarp]

SA...I liked my punchline to that joke better! :D

[Starving Artist]

Of course you did. ;)

[What Exit?]

You know, I am sure Starving Artist prefers the more PC term of Treasure Finder to burglar. Burglar has so many negative stereotypes. I hope in the future the Op refrains from such crass and anti-social remarks in the pit.

Jim

[Anaamika]

Now that I've read that entire thread...

I still can't insult Nancarrow. Who could, when his analysis was spot-on?

[RTFirefly]

or perhaps So a socialist, a dictator, and a burglar walk into a bar......but the bartender is a cannibal, and says, "sorry, we don't serve food here."







Don't mind me, I'm going for the room-clearing joke. :D

[Rysdad]

Ahem....

"Fuckwit!"


It had to be done.

Carry on.

[Starving Artist]

Now that I've read that entire thread...You read the entire thread??? :eek:

[SmartAleq]

You read the entire thread??? :eek:

Well dude, I just read the whole thing, and if your asshole doesn't feel about |-----------------------------| <---- THIS big, then your brain must be about |--| <---- this tiny... Just sayin'. That's no garden variety trainwreck there, you must've been working on that for months!

[Brainiac4]

I just read the whole thing too. You're an idiot, SA.

[Anaamika]

You read the entire thread??? :eek:
Yes. Yes I did.

It's a good thing it ended when it did. I was running out of :rolleyes: and I even bought them in bulk.

[Starving Artist]

Yes. Yes I did.

It's a good thing it ended when it did. I was running out of :rolleyes: and I even bought them in bulk.That's okay, I've been stockpiling them by the gross ever since I discovered this board ( :D ) and I'd be happy to lend you some.

[tdn]

How many socialist dictator burglars does it take to change a light bulb?
Socialist dictator steals for state, comrade.

Starving Artist, although you acted like a fuckwit in that other thread, I applaud you for reacting to this one in a mature and good-humored way. That shows class.

But as long as you're in this thread, I'm keeping an eye on my wallet.

[Starving Artist]

Socialist dictator steals for state, comrade.

Starving Artist, although you acted like a fuckwit in that other thread, I applaud you for reacting to this one in a mature and good-humored way. That shows class.Thanks very much, tdn. I appreciate that. :)

But as long as you're in this thread, I'm keeping an eye on my wallet.No worries, as a member in good standing of the conservative party I would be much more likely to try to obtain your money by through nefarious business practices than I would by swiping your wallet. ;)

[tdn]

In socialist dictatorship, wallet swipes you.

[Starving Artist]

:)

[Anaamika]

That's okay, I've been stockpiling them by the gross ever since I discovered this board ( :D ) and I'd be happy to lend you some.
I'm impressed by your humor in this thread. Sure, I'll borrow some - my new shipment isn't coming in until the weekend.

[Cervaise]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Socialist dictator.

Socialist dictator who?

Socialist dictator Hillary Clinton.


...Is that it?

Is what it?

The joke.

No joke.

But it started with knock knock.

So?

So, if it starts with knock knock, it's supposed to be a joke.

It won't be a joke when Socialist Dictator Hillary Clinton knock knocks on your door, fucko.

Oh. Well, all right.



Knock knock.

Fuck you.

[Starving Artist]

I'm impressed by your humor in this thread. Sure, I'll borrow some - my new shipment isn't coming in until the weekend.They're on the way. (I hope a thousand or two will be sufficient. ;) )

And thanks.

[Zakalwe]

Haha! Starving Artist is being a good sport in this thread. That's great!

But.

Let's not let that distract too much from his tinfoil hat "Hillary's a despotic bitch who secretly (so secretly that nobody wrote it down, but SA somehow managed to hear about it) schemed to throw innocent Americans in jail with her socialist dictatorial health plan" behavior in the thread that inspired this one.

[What Exit?]

Haha! Starving Artist is being a good sport in this thread. That's great!

But.

Let's not let that distract too much from his tinfoil hat "Hillary's a despotic bitch who secretly (so secretly that nobody wrote it down, but SA somehow managed to hear about it) schemed to throw innocent Americans in jail with her socialist dictatorial health plan" behavior in the thread that inspired this one.
Yes, but that thread is still open, you can always add to the well-deserved pile-on in that one. He really is being a good sport about this thread.

Jim

[Bosstone]

I would be happier about Starving Artist being a good sport if there was any indication he even understood the point of the OP.

[Starving Artist]

I would be happier about Starving Artist being a good sport if there was any indication he even understood the point of the OP.Oh, he understands it perfectly well...yours, too!

Thanks for the good word, What Exit?. :)

[Hentor the Barbarian]

Nobody should be surprised that Starving for Attention is pleased to receive attention. I just hope that receiving it in somewhat of a positive manner (setting aside the well-crafted and spot on OP) for positive behavior here yields fewer of the embarrassing travesties that have been more typical of him in the past, like the other thread in question.

Hey, he even claims, in the other thread IIRC, to just now be getting the idea that his typical sources of information might (gasp) tend to misrepresent the truth! I'm all for positive change, even if I'm cynical about the likelihood of it happening in this context.

So I applaud SA as well, and I look forward to a brighter tomorrow.

[Starving Artist]

Yes, I know we have a lot of fun here calling each other names like Starving for Attention and Hector the Contrarian...just keep in mind that were I really 'starving for attention' I would likely make inflammatory posts more frequently than the 'quarterly spasms' you've been referring to lately. Actually, my posting activity in the main has fallen off rather sharply the last year or so...it's just that sometimes I so fed up that I just have to vent. :p

But be that as it may, thanks for the applause--couched in doubt and cynicism though it may have been. Clearly I need to take a good, hard look at the way I arrive at facts and investigate with greater diligence the sources of my own information before I reach a particular conclusion, and I shall strive to do so from this point on.

[Albert Rose]

Bravo, Cervaise, bravo! Funniest thing I've read at 1:50 AM in a long time.

Starving Artist wouldn't be a would-be turd burglar.

[Starving Artist]

The only turd Starving Artist would be likely to burgle at this point would be you, and I doubt that I could find a fence who'd be interested in the merchandise.

;)

[I Love Me, Vol. I]

Every time I read Starving Artist shortened to SA my first thought is of Nazi Brownshirts. Now is that fair to good ol' SA?

"What can Brown (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturmabteilung) do for you?"

On the linked-to Sturmabteilung page in Wikipedia I noticed a "SA Maxim" that I had never heard before. (maybe because I've really been slacking off on my Stormtrooper meeting attendance) It reads: "Terror must be broken by terror".

Hmmmmm... that gives me an idea for how to deal with all those nasty terrorists in Iraq! I'll pass it along to the head of the Gestapo (In code. That's how they want the really evil info sent).

Godwin was a God.

[Starving Artist]

Psst...don't look now, but I suspect there are a certain number of people around here who would be at pains to make the distinction. ;)

[Zoe]

One thing that I noticed from the original thread was that Starving Artist doesn't let things get to him personally like he used to. Considering the things that were said to him, he didn't let anyone yank his chain.

Why did the socialist dictator cross the road?

Enginerd: To levy taxes against the property owners on the other side?

HRodhamC: Property owners? Ve ain't got no stinkin' property owners!