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Mofo Rising
10-08-2000, 01:49 AM
I have seen quite a few films that I haven't liked. However, there are a select few that have aroused an active hatred. The type of movie that you would leave somebody's house if they decided to throw it in. Even if you didn't have a ride out of there. And the nearest settlement was fifty miles away.

For me this movie is Parents. It's a movie starring Randy Quaid that takes place in the fifties. Ostensibly, it's a satirization of the social mores of the fifties. In actuality it's just a film made by a very disturbed individual that should never, ever have been released. It's about a child who comes to find out that the mystery meat his parents have been serving him is human flesh! Sounds like a lark, doesn't it? Now, I have a fondness for movies about cannibalism (don't ask, I don't know), but this movie is about as pleasant as walking in on your parents in the act. Oh, by the way, that scene is in the movie as well.

Gah! I hate this movie!

So what movie can't you stand?

betenoir
10-08-2000, 02:18 AM
Oh my god! I love that movie! I mean, I haven't seen it since it came out over a decade ago and, older and wiser i might revise my opinion but...it wasn't (just) a satire of 50's mores. It was more a horror story about being a child at the mercy of adults. And the horrible sick terrifying things they do, like eat human flesh and have sex. And it was funny. That it was made by a very disturbed person goes without saying.

Gee, I was hoping this was about what you loathe in general, but if it's just movies-

Off the top of my head Apt Pupil. I love a good Nazi movie like I love a good cannibal movie but exploiting the Holocaust for this cheesy piece of crap....horrible.

andygirl
10-08-2000, 03:00 AM
Starship Troopers makes me twitch. As does The Cell- impressive, as I've only seen about 1/3 of it.

Bad acting. Bad everything. Oh, my eyes...

Max Torque
10-08-2000, 11:33 AM
Heat. The DeNiro-Pacino-Kilmer flick.

I've said why before. This movie caused me real pain, and I live to spit on its grave.

User 10K
10-08-2000, 12:32 PM
I have a couple that keep cropping up.

Basicly everything Neil Simon ever wrote or directed.

Every one is sooo boooring! All endless strings of "what can go wrong next?" A dumb joke that wouldn't carry a Saturday Night Live skit for 15 minutes.

The Out-of-Towners is the worst, but close behind are
London Suite
California Suite
Plaza Suite

Johnny L.A.
10-08-2000, 12:39 PM
[/i]Magnolia[/i]

I hated that movie. You can read my rant here: http://pw1.netcom.com/~heliboy/reviews.htm

Tzel
10-08-2000, 01:20 PM
Half Baked. What a lame, lifeless stoner movie. And all my damned stoner friends insist on quoting it at every opportunity. It's unfunny and unoriginal. Whatever happened to Cheech and Chong?

Crunchy Frog
10-08-2000, 01:34 PM
Titanic

I get pissed off just thinking about it. And it's not so much the movie as much as everyone raving about how great it was! It SUCKED!!! The writing was horrible and the plot was the same rich girl meets poor boy from wrong side of the tracks bullshit we've seen time and time before. Plus, I have nothing against romance. I love my GF and all, and I would risk my life to save hers, but not after only three days!!

I still fume that that steaming pile of teenage-girlie swoon inducing tripe won Best Picture over LA Confidential.

Crunchy Frog
10-08-2000, 01:37 PM
Let me clarify -
I love my GF and all, and I would risk my life to save hers, but not after knowing her for only three days!!

If I only know someone for three days, you're just an acquaintance. I hope you can swim and try not to think about that water being too cold.

Homer
10-08-2000, 04:46 PM
I refuse to sit through people watching "The Thomas Crowne Affair," I will spit and curse and leave the room stomping.

Fucking awful movie.

--Tim

McKenna
10-08-2000, 05:11 PM
Crunchy Frog, as a Titanic aficianado long before the movie came out, I agree with you 100%!

I've been interested in the story of the ship since I was a little girl and my great-Aunt, who worked for Cunard when it was still Cunard-White Star, took me to see Pier 54 where the Carpathia docked in NYC, and Pier 59 where the Titanic SHOULD have docked. My interest was recently heightened by the beautiful and respectful Titanic: A New Musical, which won the Best Musical Tony of 1997 and, while occasionally inaccurate, did not twist the truth and plonk so many 90's attitudes into the story. I'll never understand how Cameron could get the look of the movie so right and the mores, accents, and social organization so wrong. I've only sat through the movie once. Ironically, it did extend the life of the musical a bit, and the ticket guys said people would come up to the Lunt-Fontanne and ask if Leo was still in it.

Trouble is, as soon as you mention your interest in the ship now everyone thinks you're a teenybopper who jumped on the bandwagon when you fell in love with Jack (squeal!). Sheesh. It'll take a while for that to wear off.

Somewhere in heaven is a fortysomething crewman, a trimmer, named James Dawson, looking down at his own grave in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and shaking his head. I was there in August (There were 121 victims buried there, it's fascinating) and people are still leaving flowers and stuff at the small marker of "J. Dawson". At the height of Titanic mania I understand girls were leaving underpants on it!

That, ladies and gentleman, is the mark of not only a bad, but downright evil movie. :eek:

Carolyn

madd1
10-08-2000, 05:16 PM
Any movie, ANY movie, with Streisand or Jane Fonda. (Jane because of political reasons, Streisand because she is a homely, bad actress, and full of herself.)

OrcaChow
10-08-2000, 05:18 PM
The Green Berets. In terms of sheer audience manipulation, "Triumph of the Will" is a pasty-faced slacker. And an east sunset?

Red Dawn. Kids and guns, what fun. This movie was one big NRA bumper-sticker. My girlfriend's kids loved it, though. They wanted WWIII to come so they could kick some ass. Then I yelled at them to come in for dinner and one of them cried. So much for WWIII.

I'd also like to add Howard the Duck, but it was so jaw-dropping awful in a fascinating way. I wonder if Tim Robbins realized during filming what a monstrous dog he was in. Does he ever wake up in cold sweat these days because of it?

Steel Dawn. A weird Mad Max ripoff peopled by Patrick Swayze and other escapees from some eighties BigHair pseudo-punk-metal band.

Steven Spielberg's Goonies. Spielberg took every annoying cliche about kids and crammed them into this wretched pile of crap, and then added a few more. It felt like an advertisement for an upcoming ride at Universal Studios. Appearing in this movie, not doing drugs, is ultimately what killed former Oakland Raider John Matuzak.

Also...
Sphere
Event Horizon

Archer
10-08-2000, 05:24 PM
Originally posted by madd1
Any movie, ANY movie, with Streisand or Jane Fonda. (Jane because of political reasons, Streisand because she is a homely, bad actress, and full of herself.)



Me too!! I can't stand either of them.

Helen's Eidolon
10-08-2000, 05:32 PM
Dumb and Dumber. Or any other movie that has Jim Carrey running around acting like a freak and making bad sex and/or bathroom jokes. Oh my, how I hate that!

magdalene
10-08-2000, 05:35 PM
The Man in the Iron Mask. I'd rather be served hors d'oeuvre by a monkey butler dressed in a clown suit than sit through it again. Ditto for Thomas Crown Affair (BO-ring), Titanic (Notice it won zero awards for acting), and Dumb and Dumber.

Okay, you can also add any movie that stars male Friends cast members. (I'd say ANY movie starring the cast of Friends, but Opposite of Sex, Scream, and Office Space were pretty funny).

wring
10-08-2000, 05:38 PM
I never actually saw any of the "Ernest" movies (knowwuddimean?), but the trailers made my teeth hurt.

Fortunately, my ex loved them and took our son to them so I didn't have to. that is, until our son was too mature for them (IOW when he turned 8)

Brynda
10-08-2000, 06:02 PM
I HATE Grease. It is sexist, stupid, and the stars are too old to be in high school. I know millions loved it, but I don't know why. Yech. The only redeeming feature is Stockard Channing, IMHO.

Stupendous man
10-08-2000, 06:03 PM
in me, than Scary Movie and The Avengers did. Talk about grossly misrepresentation on the part of the studios. The avengers was just dumb, but Scary Movie took a steaming crap right on your face like no other movie has ever had the audacity to do. You expect a "Naked Gun"-type spoof, and what do you get? Mindless perverion from the first minute.

AuntiePam
10-08-2000, 06:27 PM
Indecent Proposal.

If it was still playing, I'd consider picketing the theater.

Coldfire
10-08-2000, 07:03 PM
One of the most awful movies I have seen in the last 5 years had got to be Meet Joe Black.

Dear lord, what a pile of dung that is.

andygirl
10-08-2000, 07:14 PM
I'm going to second Red Dawn. The group of people that I was with started talking about how cute the boys were and how good a movie it was. Then I said something like, "Um, that was a piece of crap."

come to think of it, I didn't stay friends with any of them... good riddance, their taste in movies sucked. ;)

Another notable is Killer Nerd. I *know* it's a cult classic, but good grief. Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! if the f/x hadn't been so horrible, it would have just sunk into obscurity.

screech-owl
10-08-2000, 07:19 PM
Free Willy and the sequels

[Personally, I was hoping the whale would accidently land on the kid during the big jump scene at the end, or at least knock him off the barrier. Would have improved the movie for me.]

magdalene
10-08-2000, 07:35 PM
Coldfire, (no, I am not stalking you around the boards today), I agree - SUCH a piece of tripe. And, like Man in the Iron Mask, one of the screen gems I was subjected to on Northwest's Amsterdam-D.C. route. In D.C., lots of people bought tickets to Meet Joe Black, watched the trailer for Star Wars Episode I, and then walked out of the movie.

Malarky
10-08-2000, 07:54 PM
Bless the Child. Not only was it not scary, I was laughing my ass off by the end...AND it was offensive because the "satanistic bad guys" all dressed like...well...me...so when I was leaving the theatre everyone looked at me like I was just got out of Hell. Plus Christina Ricca was only in it for like 10 minutes!!! What a rip off!!!

wevets
10-08-2000, 08:48 PM
CB4 was such a horrible movie I couldn't finish watching it after a friend rented it.

Spawn was as bad, I really wish I could have walked out of the theatre in the middle of it, but I didn't want to leave my friends sitting there in agony.

I can't decide which of the two was worse.

RealityChuck
10-08-2000, 08:56 PM
Alien (aka, the Three Stooges Meet the Monster). No, that's unfair. The Stooges were Einstein compared to the crew of the Nostromo. A nasty film overall.

Starship Troopers Clueless film by a clueless director.

astro
10-08-2000, 09:07 PM
Dune
Guarding Tess
Last Star Wars film with Jar Jar Binks (seen with kids)
Godzilla (one set in NY)

astro
10-08-2000, 09:18 PM
Originally posted by wring
I never actually saw any of the "Ernest" movies (knowwuddimean?), but the trailers made my teeth hurt.

Fortunately, my ex loved them and took our son to them so I didn't have to. that is, until our son was too mature for them (IOW when he turned 8)

God Bless the late, dear departed Jim Varney. No it doesn't count, you would have to see them. Some of the the scenes such as the time Ernest wires a vacuum backwards and somehow defies gravity. His explanation of what happened to cause this (while floating in the air) was so funny you just had to laugh so hard it hurt.

Yeah the Ernest movies were stupid but they were often "Funny" stupid.

Welfy
10-08-2000, 09:24 PM
Though I've never seen them, I'd have to say all of the Scream movies.

the Blair Witch Project. Ugh ugh ugh. The motions made me want to vomit, and the girl's voice gave me a migraine.

LocalLoop
10-08-2000, 09:54 PM
Number one, King daddy of movies that I abso-smurfly despise:

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Crap,tripe,garbage,filth,offal,carrion,dung...etc.

Atreyu
10-08-2000, 10:26 PM
The movie that I can't stand and foam at the mouth whenever I hear mention of is Dying Young. Julia Roberts and some actor whose name I've forgotten were the stars. I would rather be attacked by a pack of wild monkeys high on angel dust than lose another two hours of my life to that piece of crap movie.

God, I despised it.

DRY
10-09-2000, 12:50 AM
Ladies and Gentleman, yet another vote for "William Shatner's Ego Defecates On-Screen" (AKA,"Star Trek V")

Azargoth
10-09-2000, 01:53 AM
End Of Days- How do I explain how bad this movie was..It just defies logic...except for Lucifer trying to decieve Jericho to join him..except "The Devils Advocate" did a much better job.

The Ninth Gate- Again..crap.....Well at least they got most of modern Satanism somewhat right.

Star Wars Episode 1- You kill the kick-ass villan...but you won't kill Jar Jar Binks..Oh the unfairness of it all.

Coldfire
10-09-2000, 04:07 AM
ANYTHING with Julia Roberts in it. No, she can NOT act. YES, she is ugly. Hideous, in fact. Why I see this and half of Hollywood doesn't is beyond me.

As an example, I give you Pretty Woman.

Tapioca Dextrin
10-09-2000, 04:15 AM
Got to be Eyes Wide Shut. What was the <expletive deleted> point? They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but Satnley Kubrik deserved to die for making that piece of turgid <expletive deleted>.

Also votes for The Avengers and Rambo III

flodnak
10-09-2000, 04:28 AM
The last movie I actually walked out on was My Best Friend's Wedding. Coldy, I share your antipathy for Julia Roberts. But this movie stunk even worse than most Roberts vehicles. Let's start with Ms. Roberts' character's dilemma. If this guy was so terrific, and they've been friends forever, why didn't she know she wanted to marry him until he's already engaged? Answer: because she's an immature, self-centered brat who, like a toddler, didn't realize she wanted a toy until somebody else had it. But why she wanted to marry the guy was never clear to me, as I kept waiting to see his redeeming side and it never showed up. Meanwhile, his fiancee has had the word "DOORMAT" tatooed on her back and happily lies down to demonstrate. Irritating, irritating, irritating. By the time we left, I had no sympathy for any of the major characters (I wanted to personally bitch-slap at least half of them), and I was thinking the only way this turkey could have a happy ending was if the church suffered a gas explosion in the middle of the wedding, killing all inside.

And yet, somehow, when people start talking about their favorite movies, somebody always brings up this spectacularly bad movie. I do not understand people, I swear to pete.

Charley
10-09-2000, 07:05 AM
I am also going to go for My Best Friend's Wedding - a film with no redeeming features at all. A pigfest from start to finish, it gave me physical pain by the end of it.

Julia Roberts and Whoopi Goldberg are in joint position for my least favourite actresses. And has anyone else ever noticed that Julia Roberts has a flip-top head? I swear, if she opened her mouth properly she wouldn't need a Reach toothbrush.

Spiny Norman
10-09-2000, 08:19 AM
Acknowledging the very existence of Highlander II used to be a hanging offense in my little circle of friends. They've mellowed up some, but don't expect to mention it and get away without bruises.

Sure, noone expected it to live up to #1 (which I liked a lot - it was silly, yet cool), but I hadn't expected it to suck the way it did. Depressing.

Sublight
10-09-2000, 10:29 AM
Personally, I love bad movies (Battlefield Earth is opening soon here, and I can't wait!), but even I have my limits.

Michael. The traliers looked promising as a black comedy (John Travolta as a chain-smoking angel with a 3-day beard), but quickly turned into a manipulative piece of feel-good filth. Andie McDowell (I knew I was in trouble when I saw her name in the credits) sings country songs about pie, and Michael gives up some of his life spirit to resurrect a dead puppy. Ick!

The Sunchaser. A celluloid enema from the director of Heaven's Gate. This is the kind of movie that makes me ashamed to be a liberal.

--sublight.

Tit Whistle
10-09-2000, 10:40 AM
I don't think I've ever seen a bigger piece of cinematic excrement than S.F.W. It had perhaps the single most unappealing lead character ever portrayed and absolutely no point.

It's Pat sucked too but at least Ween was in it.

Sublight
10-09-2000, 10:40 AM
And to add my voice to Coldfire's and Shy Ghost's, I don't understand Julia Robert's popularity either. She can't act her way out of a paper bag, and as for her looks, well, see for yourself.

http://us.imdb.com/Name?Roberts,+Julia

There's a popular ghost story in Japan about an otherwise attractive woman whose mouth is a giant red gash going all the way across her face. If I ever decide to make a horror movie here, I'll cast Julia to save on make-up costs.

--sublight.

Munch
10-09-2000, 10:48 AM
I too hate Grease. Cheesy and aweful. Too many people at school LOVED this movie WAY too much. Utter annoyance. Also in this category of "Smothered to Death by Well-Meaninged College Students" is The Princess Bride. Listen, I loved it when I was 12, and it IS a fairly solid movie, but when you watch it every weekend, you NEED to get out more.

Bottle of Smoke
10-09-2000, 10:57 AM
I have two:

Color of Night with Bruce Willis and Jane March. Sweet Jesus on a scooter, that was one bungled peice of crap. I don't rate it as high on the scale as my next choice because I saw it at the drive-in during a rainstorm. It was actually enjoyable to be able to scream at the stupididty on screen with the car windows rolled up. This movie had to have the single stupidest action scene ever filmed: the killer (in a car) pushes another car off of the roof of a parking garage in an attempt to kill the hero on the ground. How in the name of Alan Smithee could the killer possibly have been able to see Bruce Willis on the ground if he was in a car on the roof? Scripts that don't even give a whit about logic leave me fuming.

Lost in Space. This has to be hands down the worst movie I have ever paid money to see. I'm still steamed about it. Sure, the money was one thing. But you stole two hours of my life that I will never get back, you hack-writing bastards.

DuhMan
10-09-2000, 11:31 AM
Originally posted by Bottle of Smoke

Sweet Jesus on a scooter

Sorry to hijack... but that is the funniest god damn sentence I've read in a long time. I can't stop laughing over here!

keeper0
10-09-2000, 11:32 AM
The worst movie I have ever paid money to see was Highlander II. Oddly, it is not the movie I hate the most.

That spot is saved for GHOST. Simplistic, predictable and formulaic. However, my antipathy stems from the number of girls in my high school (including my girlfriend at the time) who thought it was deep, subtle and inspiring.

False_God
10-09-2000, 02:41 PM
Wing Commander. Admittedly, I only saw this to see the EP1
(Phantom Menace-and THAT sucked, too) trailer, but dear LORD. Freddie Prinze in full smirk mode and cheesy CG>
Two hours of my life I'll never see again. This was so bad it made the game it was based on (with Mark freakin' Hamill-Duke Fartknocker himself) seem like high art.

Punoqllads
10-09-2000, 02:46 PM
The worst movie I ever sat through has got to be Mission to Mars. Bad plotline. Bad script. Bad acting. Good directing but such bad editing that it made the directing look heinous. No spoiler warning, 'cause if I spoil the movie so you don't see it, I'll be happy. Let me tell you:

Hey! I just pointed this radar gun at a rock formation and a huge rock-cyclone started up. I guess I'll just stand here like a dumbass and hope nothing bad happens.

Such bad lines, and overacting in Tim Robbins' death scene. And then five minutes of hearing his character's wife screaming as we go back and forth between shot and counter-shot of her and his lifeless body drifting away.

Oh, and speaking of bad editing decisions, the scene near the end with the rocket-medallion was horrible. We start with a shot of the medallion in the guy's hand, from his perspective and cut to a counter-shot of the guy's face, as seen by the medallion, and then proceed to jump back and forth and back and forth between the two shots as the music crescendos. We are talking about deep hurting in this scene here.

kasuo
10-09-2000, 03:10 PM
Battlefield Earth is definitely one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen, if not *the* crappiest. I don't know why I didn't leave the theatre. Maybe I was waiting for something better to happen since all of it was crap. But no, it just got worse as the movie continued.

Half Baked is a movie I have not seen but I too have people quote that movie as if it were the Stoners' Bible. I just don't see the humor in it. Crap, maybe I should start smokin' so I can see the humor in this one.

Outside Providence was just bad. I was expecting something along the lines of at the very least Dumb and Dumber or Kingpin, but this a major disappointment. I nearly tossed my lunch after watching this one.

Freudian Slit
10-09-2000, 03:25 PM
Hey hey. I kind of liked GREASE, and I've only seen parts of Michael but I rather like it. (Gawd, i'm coming off as the world's biggest John Travolta fan..sigh.)

I agree with those of you who bashed The Blair Witch Project. (Weird thing is, the radio dj was just ranting about how he hated it.) not scary enough for i.

I personally feel Star Wars the original is pretty screwed up.

Looking back now, I rather detest Aladdin. Anyone share these sentiments?

red_dragon60
10-09-2000, 03:29 PM
The Skulls. Piece of domkey crap. It didn't deserve the celluloid it was developed on.

Theme? Rich boy gets into ivy league, gets car and money. Gets girl. And where does that leave the poor kids like me?

teela brown
10-09-2000, 03:33 PM
I've posted this before, but of all the caca movies I've seen, "Under The Cherry Moon" has to be the worst of the worst. And this coming from a forgiving Prince fan, too. What narcissistic merde!

Spoke
10-09-2000, 03:43 PM
Dances with Wolves.

This movie is PC propaganda in the same way that Red Dawn is right wing propaganda. (And this is coming from a left-winger.)

A person who only gets their history from movies might come away from DWW thinking that the Lakota Sioux of the 19th century were a peaceful tribe who only resorted to violence when attacked.

Uh...

This was hands-down the most warlike tribe on the plains. They gained their territory by driving off the other plains tribes, and were notoriously vicious.

Meanwhile, every non-Costner white guy in the movie is an evil, racist one-dimensional bastard. Criminy!

[pet peeve]
Why does every movie about Indians since about 1965 seem to perpetuate the "noble savage" stereotype? I sure would like to see an honest, even-handed portrayal of the Indian Wars. You know, one where there are good guys and bad guys on both sides. The movie Geronimo probably comes closest to achieving this.
[/pet peeve]

OrcaChow
10-09-2000, 03:49 PM
Originally posted by red_dragon60
The Skulls. Piece of domkey crap. It didn't deserve the celluloid it was developed on.

Theme? Rich boy gets into ivy league, gets car and money. Gets girl. And where does that leave the poor kids like me?

Not to mention, for such a secret society they sure as hell advertised. The parking lot outside the house looked like a Mercedes/Lamborghini sales lot, and the house itself had a big SKULL atop the roof. Helloooo?

The Pentagon is less obvious. Cape Canaveral is less obvious.

The "Skulls" writers should've watched Dead Poets Society once or twice.

CrankyAsAnOldMan
10-09-2000, 04:26 PM
GONE WITH THE FRICKING WIND

I'm sorry. I realize that's blasphemous to some. Perhaps if I watched it again I could focus on the sets and the costumes and other technical elements.

But what I find so distracting was the character of Scarlett. How anyone could fall in love with someone so selfish, so spoiled, and so mercurial is beyond me. It makes the whole movie painful for me to watch. *SHUDDER*

The only movie I've ever walked out of is "Bram Stoker's Dracula." Where do I begin. Keanu? Winona? Gary Oldman? No, I can't, remembering this movie will have me laughing so hard I'll probably wet myself.

panamajack
10-09-2000, 04:55 PM
The only movie I recall walking out of was Armageddon, though I did suffer through most of it. But as it dragged on, the lack of any sort of sense in the plot finally got to me. It doesn't quite deserve active loathing, though.

The movie that comes to mind that would make me leave the room, and even tell people watching it to turn it off, is Higher Ground. It wasn't so much the plot or acting, but that it presumed to know something important about American college life. It oversimplified anything and everything it could. Bike safety comic book characters have more depth than the people in that movie.

Max Torque
10-09-2000, 04:58 PM
Originally posted by OrcaChow
Not to mention, for such a secret society they sure as hell advertised. The parking lot outside the house looked like a Mercedes/Lamborghini sales lot, and the house itself had a big SKULL atop the roof. Helloooo?

Well, I haven't seen the movie, but I assume that The Skulls is supposed to be loosely based on Skull And Bones (http://www.parascope.com/articles/0997/skullbones.htm), a "secret society" that's been operating at Yale for well over a century. Evidently, everyone knows about The Tomb, their meeting location, but very little is known about the interior, and the former members don't say squat about the organization's inner workings.

Not that I'm contesting the assertion that the movie sucks.

MysteryFellow63427
10-09-2000, 05:03 PM
Nine Months with Hugh Grant. What an unbelievable piece of %!#@$. I saw this in a theatre several years back, and it's the closest I've ever come to walking out. (Wish my ride had felt the same way.)

Instant loss of respect for anyone who has this movie, or saw it and liked it. No, saw it and did not detest it.

Junior Spaceman
10-09-2000, 05:13 PM
The only movie I hate with all my heart is Happiness - the most evil, mean spirited piece of crap I've ever had the misfortune to sit through. Don't believe people if they tell you it's a black comedy, or a worthwhile expose of American society. It's just shit.

I have to agree with Coldfire, too, about the abominable Meet Joe Black. Death has never been so wooden.

HenrySpencer

lee
10-09-2000, 05:24 PM
Disney's Hercules. I found this distubing and completly without merit. I was not entertain, or amused and I was angry that I had spent money on it. Every minute grated on my nerves.

Idnew
10-09-2000, 06:04 PM
Their are several, but in the last year I guess it would be The Blair Witch Mystery, which is so totally fake looking to me and I bet those kids are sitting on some Island laughing their asses off, because of the money they probably made on it.

Kilgore Trout
10-09-2000, 06:14 PM
Their are several, but in the last year I guess it would be The Blair Witch Mystery, which is so totally fake looking to me and I bet those kids are sitting on some Island laughing their asses off, because of the money they probably made on it.

what the hell are you talking about?

screech-owl
10-09-2000, 06:25 PM
Originally posted by Kilgore Trout
Their are several, but in the last year I guess it would be The Blair Witch Mystery, which is so totally fake looking to me and I bet those kids are sitting on some Island laughing their asses off, because of the money they probably made on it.

what the hell are you talking about?


I believe Idnew if referring to The Blair Witch Project. In and of itself, I thought it was a pretty good film, considering I saw it as part of the Florida Film Festival at a small artsy-house theatre. The nationwide distribution and excessive media hype was excessive and overwhelming, and the film could not live up to that.. It lost a lot, seeing it in a larger theatre, not a small venue. There are still a lot of lawsuits regarding rights, and distribution, AFAIK.

panamajack
10-09-2000, 06:53 PM
Sorry, the movie must be so bad I forgot the title :

That's Higher Learning, not Higher Ground.

My apologies to Robert Day and the cast & crew of the made-for-TV movie Higher Ground.


John Singleton's script however, should be considered grounds for taking away any degree he holds.

yojimbo
10-09-2000, 07:17 PM
Batman and Robin gives me ballache just thinking of it.

:: ouch, my balls hurt now ::

BlackKnight
10-09-2000, 07:44 PM
Face/Off

Two of my friends and I watched this movie together. One of them (my current roommate) absolutely loves this movie. My other friend and I think it's a pile of festering rat droppings.

I have to agree with those who have mentioned "Half Baked". My roommate (different one) watches that movie all the time. At least he doesn't quote it regularly.

FTR, I loved The Blaire Witch Project. It was the most original movie I've seen in a long time. When I hear people saying, "The shaking camera made me sick! The movie sucked!" I just have to wonder why they judge a movie's greatness by their gastrointestinal fortitude.

RickJay
10-09-2000, 09:00 PM
Originally posted by Brynda
I HATE Grease. It is sexist, stupid, and the stars are too old to be in high school. I know millions loved it, but I don't know why. Yech. The only redeeming feature is Stockard Channing, IMHO.

Amen, sister. Grease is the worst stage musical ever produced, and it's an even worse movie.

originally posted by Localloop
Number one, King daddy of movies that I abso-smurfly despise:

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Hey, all you Rockey Horror fans: IT SUCKS! ADMIT IT!

But now I'll go out on a limb:

I hated American Beauty. Yes, it was well acted and competently directed. Technically, it was as solid as rock.

But man, what a cloying, insulting, arrogant movie. Why, of COURSE people who live in suburbia are zombified losers; us folks in Hollywood are the ones who will tell you what truth is, yessirree! Of COURSE the neighbour's a sadistic ex-soldier, because aren't all soldiers like that? Of course the daughter hates her parents; all teenagers hate their parents! Twenty minutes into the movie I knew every character's story.

RickJay
10-09-2000, 09:06 PM
My fiancee wants to add her own comment:

"I would rather tear out my own eyeballs than watch There's Something About Mary again. It combined all the humour of a bookeeping class with the sense of humour of a bad root canal operation. I can only assume that it was some sort of mass delusion that caused people to enjoy this movie. Maybe I wasn't doing the right drugs."

It took Sharron and I four viewings to get all the way through. Folks, you all hated it; admit it. It's the Emperor's New Comedy.

The secret of good comedy is timing, and TSAM had a horrible sense of timing. Individually the joke concepts were good, but they just came out of nowhere at random, completely unconnected to one another. The perfect example is the scene where Ben Stiller gets caught by a fishhook. Why? He just does, and we're supposed to laugh. A guy getting caught by a fishhook COULD be funny if you set it up right, but it just happened, and then suddenly it was completely forgotten.

Ben
10-09-2000, 10:41 PM
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "Thelma and Louise" or "Good Will Hunting." Not that I have a strong animus against either, but they are strong, strong candidates for the "everyone loved it but me" syndrome. Frankly, I thought Good Will Hunting, for all it had going for it, was a little bizarre in terms of its logic- the movie only makes sense if you assume that a week before the movie began, Will got abducted by aliens who gave him 200 extra IQ points. Why isn't Will alienated from his friends by the fact that they cannot understand any of his hobbies? Why is he so loyal to them that he will spend his life in an unrewarding job, never doing the thing he really loves? [Pepsi moppet] Du-huh! [/Pepsi moppet] Oh, of course! He was abused by his father!

But the worst move of all time is what my wife and I call "that sharecropper movie." We don't even remember the name of it- it was some Waltons-era horror movie about sharecroppers. I dozed off here and there in the middle of it, so my memory of it is basically nothing more than a bunch of sharecroppers walking around in the dark outside a barn. My wife was awake for the whole thing, and assures me that that's all that happened for two hours.

wevets
10-10-2000, 01:40 AM
Originally posted by Spiny Norman
Acknowledging the very existence of Highlander II used to be a hanging offense in my little circle of friends. They've mellowed up some, but don't expect to mention it and get away without bruises.

There was a Highlander II?


:D

flodnak
10-10-2000, 03:13 AM
Originally posted by spoke-

Why does every movie about Indians since about 1965 seem to perpetuate the "noble savage" stereotype? I sure would like to see an honest, even-handed portrayal of the Indian Wars. You know, one where there are good guys and bad guys on both sides. The movie Geronimo probably comes closest to achieving this.

This isn't the greatest help, but maybe someone else can fill in the details: there was a movie about early French missionaires in North America, released early in the '90s, I think it was called Black Robe. Stunningly, brutally realistic. It showed the Indian tribes hating, loathing, fearing one another, being violent towards one another and the white men. Not that the missionaries got off easy, either, but it avoided the mindless good guys/bad guys stereotypes. This is not the feel-good movie of this or any other summer.

end hijack.
Ah, here it is! http://us.imdb.com/Title?0101465

GuanoLad
10-10-2000, 06:42 AM
The Big Lebowski

Huge steaming pile of fetid dingoes kidneys!

But one that has garnered an undeserved cult following. I can't for the life of me figure out why they enjoy this alarmingly pointless nonsense. It is shite of the highest degree, and anyone who says different immediately goes on my permanent blacklist. Okay?

Togepi no Miko
10-10-2000, 10:04 AM
I like a lot of the movies mentioned here so far: Event Horizon, Sphere, Disney's Hercules...

The movie I loathe that no one has mentioned is Terry Gilliam's Brazil. What an utter waste of the talented people in it: Robert Deniro, Jonathan Pryce, Bob Hoskins, Michael Palin... I'd rather be shot than ever sit through this movie again. My friend fell asleep for a large portion of it; when he awoke not much had happened in the hour interval. What's really bad is that I talked him into renting it because Harlan Ellison likes it- a lot.

The Hidden: I walked out on this horror movie, and i still had nightmares.

I'll agree about the hideousness of Julia Roberts.

Skribbler
10-10-2000, 10:11 AM
I dislike anything with Adam Sandler in it.
I disliked Dumb and Dumber and Pet Detective 2.
Dune. The book was odd but the movie was insane.
The Blair Witch Project. Really overhyped! I kept waiting for something exciting to happen, which never did and the camera shots of anything almost interesting were often poor.

AWB
10-10-2000, 11:04 AM
Originally posted by RickJay
My fiancee wants to add her own comment:

"I would rather tear out my own eyeballs than watch There's Something About Mary again. It combined all the humour of a bookeeping class with the sense of humour of a bad root canal operation. I can only assume that it was some sort of mass delusion that caused people to enjoy this movie. Maybe I wasn't doing the right drugs."


Oh, man, you too? (Or rather, your fiancee.)

My wife and I saw this after a rather urbane couple said it was the funniest movie they'd ever seen. I reminded my wife of the recommendation when she and I couldn't get into whatever movie we had come to see.

She sat through it, barely laughing at some of the better scenes. Me too. (The SC Police station was the tops for us.) But the rest of the theatre was roaring. We were mystified, and my wife was slightly pissed. She told me on our way out that the next 10 movie picks were here. sigh

BoBettie
10-10-2000, 11:24 AM
The worst two movies I've ever sat through:

Speed

That crap-fest with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks that was like "An Affair to Remember" I prayed they would jump off the Empire State Building, but alas- no dice.

Zette

Olentzero
10-10-2000, 12:27 PM
The only thing that makes me absolutely loathe Seven is the freakin' ending!

Brad Pitt loses his wife and everything he holds dear to Spacey's psychotic character. So what does he do? Shoots the bastard and lets him get away with it, consigning himself to a lifetime of misery and heavy medication.

No, no, NO!!! Have Pitt's character shoot himself, leaving Spacey frustrated that all his work has come to naught and gets a nice long sentence to think about it.

From a general quality perspective, the movie Cool World slurped a large pile of maggoty moose turds. No plot, lousy animation (with plenty of extraneous crap that didn't make any sense) and an ending that came out of nowhere.

Crunchy Frog
10-10-2000, 02:14 PM
Since Zoggie brought up Disney films, add these to my list of detested films:

Any Disney cartoon made after Beauty and the Beast (With the exception of the Toy Story movies).
I will not watch them on a plane,
I will not watch them on a train.
I do not like them, not at all.
Disney 'toons can suck my balls.

And WTF was so great about Babe? I rented that cuz I heard how wondeful it was. Let me tell you something kiddies . . . IMHO IT SUCKED SO BIG TIME, I COULD FEEL MY EYES BEING TUGGED FROM THEIR SOCKETS TOWARD THE TV! I had to turn the movie off and take it back to Blockbuster for my safety and the safety of everyone else in the house.

Here's Babe so you people don't have to waste your money on it:

Babe: I wanna herd sheep
Other animal: You can't you're a pig.
Babe: I wanna herd sheep
Other animal: You can't you're a pig.
Babe: I wanna herd sheep
Other animal: You can't you're a pig.
Babe: I wanna herd sheep
Other animal: You can't you're a pig.
Babe: Look at me, I'm herding the sheep!
Farmer Guy: That'll do, pig. That'll do.

There, I've now saved everyone reading this thread the money of renting this film and possibly paying late charges. No need to thank me, it was my civic duty.

RonA
10-10-2000, 02:54 PM
American Beauty???? I didn't have to see it; the previews were bad enough!

And I fell asleep every time I tried to watch Wolf.

But the absolute worstest movie of all time: Sleepless in Seattle. Ugh! Nuff sed.

Cervaise
10-10-2000, 03:40 PM
Forrest motherfucking Jesus Christ in an ice cube tray Gump.

Crunchy Frog
10-10-2000, 04:01 PM
Ok, as a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan, I will admit this is a truly terrible film. I don't know anyone who goes every week to watch the movie. We go to make fun of the movie because it is so bad. If you rent it and sit and watch it at home, it's horrible. If you go to the theatre, throwing rice and squirting water guns, and you know all the lines to yell at the screen (yes there are certain lines, don't shout just anything at the screen) it's a blast. I don't go because I like the movie, I go because I like making fun of the movie.

Imagine MST3K, except you are one of the robots.

Fretful Porpentine
10-10-2000, 04:07 PM
Add me to the list of people who hated "Something About Mary." Contrived, sexist, and funny only on a third-grade level.

The most unspeakably dreadful travesty Hollywood has ever perpetrated, though, has got to be the "updated," Americanized version of Great Expectations. (The one that spawned a new novelization by somebody named Deborah Chiel.) I didn't see it when it first came out; I thought I already knew exactly how terrible it was. Then I accidentally watched some of it on TV and discovered it surpassed all my expectations. I had to keep watching, the same way you have to keep looking at a nightmare auto accident. My God. Words cannot express how awful it is. (At least mine can't. I'm sure Mr. Dickens would be able to trash this movie far more eloquently if he weren't busy spinning in his grave.) Do NOT see it if you wish to retain any faith in a merciful God. I was tempted to blind myself after I saw this film. I am still thinking of renouncing my citizenship in the country that spawned it. Yeesh.

xizor
10-10-2000, 04:13 PM
Originally posted by yojimbo
Batman and Robin gives me ballache just thinking of it.

:: ouch, my balls hurt now ::

What are you kidding? Seeing Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman in slinkly costumes (Alicia in black leather, rrrarrrrr) was alone worth admission.

However, Bean was simply awful. It was the broken turd that would not flush. Make it go away!

Fillet
10-10-2000, 04:39 PM
Originally posted by flodnak
This isn't the greatest help, but maybe someone else can fill in the details: there was a movie about early French missionaires in North America, released early in the '90s, I think it was called Black Robe. Stunningly, brutally realistic. It showed the Indian tribes hating, loathing, fearing one another, being violent towards one another and the white men. Not that the missionaries got off easy, either, but it avoided the mindless good guys/bad guys stereotypes. This is not the feel-good movie of this or any other summer.

end hijack.
Ah, here it is! http://us.imdb.com/Title?0101465 [/B]

Great film! Certainly made for an interesting first date movie. ;)

BTW, please add me to the list of people who can't stand Julia Roberts. I just find the plots of her movies to be so painfully predictable.

Malarky
10-10-2000, 06:59 PM
Originally posted by kasuo
Battlefield Earth is definitely one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen, if not *the* crappiest. I don't know why I didn't leave the theatre. Maybe I was waiting for something better to happen since all of it was crap. But no, it just got worse as the movie continued.

Half Baked is a movie I have not seen but I too have people quote that movie as if it were the Stoners' Bible. I just don't see the humor in it. Crap, maybe I should start smokin' so I can see the humor in this one.

Outside Providence was just bad. I was expecting something along the lines of at the very least Dumb and Dumber or Kingpin, but this a major disappointment. I nearly tossed my lunch after watching this one.


Wow, you're the ONLY person I've met who's seen Battlefield Earth...what do you want, it's aimed at 35-42 year old Scientologists

Half Baked is just awesome...it's funny as hell, and you don't have to be a stoner to enjoy it...it's a satire on stoners, you watch it, laugh, say "Thank you GOD that I'm not dumb like them!" Then take another swig outta yer forty.

OrcaChow
10-11-2000, 01:34 AM
Originally posted by Malarky
Originally posted by kasuo
Battlefield Earth is definitely one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen, if not *the* crappiest
Wow, you're the ONLY person I've met who's seen Battlefield Earth...

I periodically get together for "bad movie days" with friends from work. A few months ago, three of us sat completely through a cheap Saturday matinee of Battlefield Earth. We definitely got our money's worth. Do we get pity or medals?

stolichnaya
10-11-2000, 08:15 AM
Three words:

Very Bad Things

Lop off the last word of the title and you have a more apt description.

It's billed as a "dark comedy", but I didn't laugh once. I consider myself to be pretty cynical and not very easily offended, but I was horrified by this movie. No redeeming qualities whatsoever.

pldennison
10-11-2000, 08:51 AM
Originally posted by Skribbler
. . . The Blair Witch Project. Really overhyped! I kept waiting for something exciting to happen, which never did and the camera shots of anything almost interesting were often poor.

Doesn't this fall under the category of "Being Slightly Unclear on the Concept"? The camera shots were poor because the people in the movie were filming the movie with handheld cameras (a 16mm camera and a camcorder, to be specific).

CrankyAsAnOldMan
10-11-2000, 09:22 AM
Originally posted by RonA


But the absolute worstest movie of all time: Sleepless in Seattle. Ugh! Nuff sed.


And yet some of us were slow learners. Having gotten NOTHING out of Sleepless in Seattle, we still paid to see You've Got Mail.

ARGH! What a piece of crap THAT was. Frankly, I was eager to see it, curious to see how they would handle the "falling in love over the internet" thing because I know so many couples who started that way. That, my good friends, was the triumph of hope over experience. It was the least believable part of the movie.... and that's saying something!!!

Please, someone help me stop the twitching. I actually feel MAD about how ineptly that was done.

Blue Three
10-11-2000, 09:24 AM
Leaving Las Vegas! Hell would be having to watch that movie again. It would take too long to write down everything that's wrong with that movie, but I'll do it if you really want to know.

And American Beauty was more of the same sort of crap.

PatrickM
10-11-2000, 10:48 AM
"Chariots of the Gods", a 1970's documentary about how space aliens helped the Egyptians and Incas build their pyramids, was a big load of crap.

"Coolworld", starring an animated movie on the early 1990's which starred the voice of Kim Basinger, was darn near unwatchable.

kjorsty
10-11-2000, 11:12 AM
i can't remember the name, but i think it was "point of no return" with brigette fonda. "la femme nikita" was an excellent movie. hollywood apparently thought it could do a better job and produced the movie with fonda. why? i ask why? dimwits. i couldn't even consider watching the movie. who do they think they're fooling? the "thomas crowne affair" was laughable. it may have been bad, but it kept me snickering the whole time - especially the sex scene. that was horrible.

"event horizon" was pretty bad too. why is it that every time some spaceship that travels lightyears away from earth and approaches some spatial(?spacial) anomaly finds a portal to some dimension of hell?

Edwardina
10-11-2000, 11:43 AM
I have only walked out of one movie in my life: the exquisitely painful Leonard, Part 6. I was not even very old when that came out, and my movie palate had yet to mature, yet even I, a humble child of about 10, could clearly perceive that this movie was the celluloid equivalent of a reeking pile of dog vomit. Whoever wrote it should be forced to watch back to back episodes of The Greatest American Hero until their writing skills have evolved into something more sublime. Whoever in Hollywood green-lighted it should submit themselves for voluntary lobotomy.

I am still faintly nauseated when I think of it, especially the part with the attack lobsters.

stofsky
10-11-2000, 12:09 PM
First, to make a couple of people scream. I have read recently that there is a "Highlander III" in the works that will feature both Connor and Duncan McCleod of the clan McCleod. Yes, both. There is also a remake of "Grease" in the works starring either Backstreet Boys or N'Sync (whichever has the guy that's dating that other affront to the ears of the world, Britney).

Oh, and to whomever it was that hated "Brazil": are you uts? That's a perfect dystopian society, and Gilliam's direction was brilliant. It's American society taken to the extreme on both the right and the left.

RickJay
10-11-2000, 12:21 PM
The most unspeakably dreadful travesty Hollywood has ever perpetrated, though, has got to be the "updated," Americanized version of Great Expectations.


This reminds me of another doozy; the recent version of Les Miserables with Liam Neeson as Jean Valjean.

I said in another thread that Highlander II is the worst movie of all time and I'll stick by that, but I'd have to say that I hated Les Miserables more on a personal level. It was a truly atrocious film, despite a platoon of first-rate actors. To be more specific, it was probably the worst-directed and photographed movie of the last ten years, and was the worst-scored movie I've ever heard that actually used an orchestra (obviously, you can find much worse among movies that use cheapo 80's synthesized scores, or movies with no-name alternative rock bands.)

I never did see Great Expectations because I think Gwyneth Paltrow is a terrible actress and really, really ugly and I hate her guts, but I can tell it was a horrifying movie.

Enderw24
10-11-2000, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by xizor
Originally posted by yojimbo
Batman and Robin gives me ballache just thinking of it.

:: ouch, my balls hurt now ::

What are you kidding? Seeing Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman in slinkly costumes (Alicia in black leather, rrrarrrrr) was alone worth admission.

Yes, they were cute, but I'd rather just rent clueless a few dozen times rather than spend one extra second watching "Batman and Robin' me out of two hours of my life."
You think the OP gets upset when his thread gets hijacked? Imagine how Tim Burton feels! Batman is the Dark Knight! A creature of mystery and intrigue! He's not a plaything who stands on stage at a ne'er-do-well society meeting! Jumping Jehovah's Witnesses, Batman, Joel Schumacher should get his toenails ripped out for that one.

::Simmering down:: Anyone else hate School Ties? This had such a good premise to it and then they said "hmm...let's just have a bunch of naked boys fighting each other." Every other scene was a fight between characters. Hi, I'm Mr. Emotional Range. There are other ways to show anger, you know. I can't watch anything with Brenden Frasier in it without thinking of the vacuous void of a movie.

Lord Derfel
10-11-2000, 12:25 PM
stofsky, you're a little behind. You're talking about Highlander 4:Endgame that came out this summer. I hear it was pretty bad as well.

As for me, I was dragged to see a remake of Sabrina starring Harrison Ford. Truly, truly awful. After the show, I actually stood up and announced to our group that it was the worst piece of crap movie I'd ever seen. That was a few years ago, and I still believe I haven't seen a worse movie.

RickJay
10-11-2000, 12:31 PM
Originally posted by stofsky
First, to make a couple of people scream. I have read recently that there is a "Highlander III" in the works that will feature both Connor and Duncan McCleod of the clan McCleod. Yes, both. There is also a remake of "Grease" in the works starring either Backstreet Boys or N'Sync (whichever has the guy that's dating that other affront to the ears of the world, Britney).

It's N'Sync.

If N'Sync (or as Letterman calls them, N'Suck) and Britney appear in a movie version of "Grease" together, I swear to Christ I am going to lead the people in open rebellion, overthrow the world's governments and establish the People's Republic of Rickjay, where I will be empowered to order public executions on whatever whim I fancy. And you can be damned sure the people who produced "Grease" with Britney and N'Sync will be the first ones against the wall when that day comes.

Unite behind me, Dopers! Accept Cecil as our God-King, and I will lead you to a land where there is no Christina Aguilera and the people who made "Showgirls" are made to work in the dilithium mines!

quasar
10-11-2000, 12:36 PM
Among the ones already mentioned:

Brazil: how can some people compare it to The Matrix and Dark City is beyond me. I had huge expectations for this movie after listening to those exalted references. Unfortunately it was so incredibly boring I wanted to kill myself rather than finish watching it. After masochistically and stoically viewing it for an hour I couldn’t take it anymore. Those are the most pathetically spent 3600 seconds of my life. In retrospect, I would have rather fucked Roseanne Barr than forced my eyes to be victimized by such a tormentous cinematic mastercrap. It is so bad that it requires the coinage of new words to appropriately convey the catastrophic and traumatic experience that it represents.

Batman and Robin: I knew it would suck. The only reason I watched it in its entirety was because it was Batman. Joel Schumajer should be banished from the planet for directing that crap. Yeah, I know I incorrectly spelled his damn name. He doesn’t deserve the trouble of sending the correct neurological signals all the way from my brain to my fingers.

The movie was so bad that even if Alicia and Uma had been involved in a menage a trois with Batman it would have still sucked.

Wait a minute, I take that back. I am just picturing them in complete and absolute nakedness--Alicia and Uma that is, not Batman. Off to download some porn now.:D

Movies not yet mentioned

City of Angels and Message in a bottle: I really hate when they do the romantic build up, make you identify with the characters and then, suddenly and out of the blue, one of the romantic leads gets killed. What's the point? Getting you depressed? If that’s what I want I can go read a goddamn Greek tragedy. No need to pay 3 bucks for that.

Ruffian
10-11-2000, 12:51 PM
...especially when they're "romances." For some reason, a romantic movie must involve a really, really stupid woman putting up with crap that she should realize no woman deserves.

High on the list:
Pretty Woman Oh, man, just the concept of this film had me fuming. She's a prostitute! Number one, no street-walking prostitute looks like Julia Roberts. Two, no john is going to come to the romantic rescue of a ho he ordered and wind up falling for her. Three, well...it's this kind of Cinderella-crap that encourages women to live in Fantasy Land.

Indecent Proposal Never saw it, but I'm seconding the first mention...the entire concept offended me.

Jerry Maguire They were both just using each other, and it was sickening.

Autumn in New York Didn't see it. The age difference and basic premis was enough for me to turn my nose away from this pile of shit. (What's Richard Gere going to date in his next film, a fetus?)

...and really, about half the "romances" out there. It's why I refuse to see most of them.

bump
10-11-2000, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by wevets

There was a Highlander II?
:D

<kurgan voice>

THERE SHOULD BE ONLY ONE!

</kurgan voice>

SWCaccio
10-11-2000, 02:01 PM
Am I the only person in America who loathed Patch Adams? After this movie and the cloying What Dreams May Come, I've sworn off any movie starring Robin Williams.

Starbury
10-11-2000, 02:27 PM
Originally posted by Malarky

Half Baked is just awesome...it's funny as hell, and you don't have to be a stoner to enjoy it...it's a satire on stoners, you watch it, laugh, say "Thank you GOD that I'm not dumb like them!" Then take another swig outta yer forty.

I'm glad to see that at least one person besides me thought this movie was funny. I'm not a burnout/pothead but I thought this movie was really funny.
David LaChappelle (the main 'star') has a really good stand-up comedy show on HBO this month.

Also, I wanted to agree with Edwardina...I'm ashamed of myself for actually buying a ticket to Leonard Part 6.

Atreyu
10-11-2000, 02:28 PM
Originally posted by SWCaccio
Am I the only person in America who loathed Patch Adams?

Oh god, I had forgotten about that one. Just as bad as Dying Young, which I mentioned earlier. But Patch Adams was so unspeakably vile that I had apparently blocked it out of my memory, and I honestly hadn't thought about that movie since I saw it until I read your post.

Patch Adams is horribly predictable, terribly preachy, and undeniably stupid. It is beneath contempt. Robin Williams should be castrated for having been a part of this movie. If I had a doctor like the one he played, I'd run screaming out of the place and find another hospital where the doctors take their work seriously and don't screw around when it comes to your health.

The real Patch Adams couldn't have been this annoyingly preachy, right?

Nen
10-11-2000, 02:33 PM
As much as abhor to even deign to mention the title, The Blair Witch Project was the worst film I ever had to endure. To my dismay, I not only had to pay $8.50 admission and lose two valuable hours of time, but my friends restrained my when I attempted to escape experience.

Voorvie
10-11-2000, 02:41 PM
Wow, reading these posts have made me realize that I've hated TONS of movies! Here are my picks:

As Good As It Gets: OH MY GOD! KILL ME NOW! I watched this on a plane (first class, thank you very much!) to California and I could not get through it! COULD NOT! Instead I talked to the 11 year old kid sitting next to me about vomit and South Park. Helen Hunt can kiss my ass. I hate her.

Boomerang: What drivel!

Free: I could not believe the precious time I wasted watching this slop. Eddie Murphy needs to retire, toot sweet!

Man On The Moon: I don't care what anybody says, Jim Carrey WAS NOT Andy Kaufman! I cannot believe he won a Golden Globe for this crap! It was horrible horrible horrible. And Courtney Love needs to go back to heroin, she was much more likable then.

Grease 2: Now, the first "Grease" I liked (considering I was only about 6 when the original movie came out) but the second coming was absolute balderdash.

Lake Placid, that other movie about the genetically altered sharks, etc. Leave animals alone!

Scarlett Letter: starring Demi Moore and Gary Oldman. snooze

and most recently...
What Lies Beneath: by the end of the movie my friend and I were screaming out loud "OH COME ON JUST END ALREADY!" bad. really bad.

Dinsdale
10-11-2000, 02:44 PM
Took my kids to "Matilda" (family thing, sisters and Mrs D went to see something romantic, and the guys took all the kiddies to this piece of dreck.) Theater was packed. We were the only folks to walk out. I can stand bad, but that thing was so damn mean. I'd far rather have my kids watch porn.

Shagnasty
10-11-2000, 02:51 PM
Any movie by Woody Allen. I don't understand how someone that has created nothing of consequence can be so famous. Lots of people create anything great works and they get to remain what they are, regular loser people. But heah, its Woody Allen so we have to splash his face in the media alongside other legit celebrities once in a while.

The Blair Witch Project was plain awful. Not just awful in comparision to hype, but just plain suckulent. How do you get lost in the wildnerness of, oh where was it, oh yeah Maryland for days at a time? I thought that Maryland had some of the best wilderness rescue teams in the world because of the thousands of people that get lost in their vast acreage every year. I hear that parts of Maryland are so remote that you can hike for several hours without passing a single shopping mall.

Voorvie
10-11-2000, 03:17 PM
See, this movie was so bad, I didn't even remember the name correctly:

Free: I could not believe the precious time I wasted watching this slop. Eddie Murphy needs to retire, toot sweet!

This movie is really called "Life". It still sucked.

Freudian Slit
10-11-2000, 03:22 PM
Originally posted by RickJay

It's N'Sync.

If N'Sync (or as Letterman calls them, N'Suck) and Britney appear in a movie version of "Grease" together, I swear to Christ I am going to lead the people in open rebellion, overthrow the world's governments and establish the People's Republic of Rickjay, where I will be empowered to order public executions on whatever whim I fancy. And you can be damned sure the people who produced "Grease" with Britney and N'Sync will be the first ones against the wall when that day comes.

Unite behind me, Dopers! Accept Cecil as our God-King, and I will lead you to a land where there is no Christina Aguilera and the people who made "Showgirls" are made to work in the dilithium mines!

Dude I would most likely be with you...to overthrow the oppressive bourgeois (and sexually atrocious) N Sync and Britney Spears takeover of GREASE. Sorry man, but that's overstepping their boundaries...once they get into the film remake realm, it is our right- nay, our duty to annihilate them. :)

Freudian Slit
10-11-2000, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by Dinsdale
Took my kids to "Matilda" (family thing, sisters and Mrs D went to see something romantic, and the guys took all the kiddies to this piece of dreck.) Theater was packed. We were the only folks to walk out. I can stand bad, but that thing was so damn mean. I'd far rather have my kids watch porn.

Its practically a fact...virtually no movie will ever live up to its book counterpart. Matilda's a really good book too...sometimes, though, the movie will just totally lose everything. It all becomes...i don't know, conformed. The loses originality, and mood is what im trying to get at.

Anyone here see Green Mile? I only saw it in commercials. I refuse to go see. It looks way too melodramatic, and almost romanticized. Plus I don't really like Tom Hanks. Was I justified in not seeing htis one?

lemartel
10-11-2000, 03:32 PM
Man on the Moon- I just hated that movie. It sucked on ice.
Because of that monstrosity I can no longer watch anything on Andy Kaufman because it reminds me of that horrible movie. I wish I could go back in time to warn myself not to watch it.

DavisMcDavis
10-11-2000, 03:34 PM
"Just stop telling your stupid story about the desert and DIE ALREADY!!"

Although I have to say I liked a few of the films listed above (hey, I was ten when I saw the Goonies), my most hated film is "The English Patient," for the obvious reason that it was a wandering piece of crap with no point. I'm constantly amazed that people are fooled into thinking "too long + British accents= OSCAR TIME!"

I felt completely validated when they had that entire Seinfeld episode that had, as its main plot point, the fact that "The Eglish Patient" sucked. At least, Elaine didn't like it. But I think its suckiness is self-evident and really needs no support.

I adored "Happiness". That wasn't a black comedy, it was a "feel good" movie - you feel good that you're not nearly as miserable as those people. My kinda movie.

RickJay
10-11-2000, 03:37 PM
Speaking of Robin Williams films, does anyone rememebr Toys? I tried to forget it but it keeps coming back and making me hide under my desk.

Man, what a mess, a disaster of a movie. It started out as this surreal fantasy and degenerated into a combat scene straight out of "Home Alone."

Robin Williams - I can't figure they guy out. As an actor he can, when he's fitted with the right script, blow anyone out of the water. He has amazing range - look at his wildly different characters in The Fisher King, Awakenings, Dead Poet's Society and Good Will Hunting. But has any great actor ever appeared in so many truly, amazingly atrocious movies?

Sort Of Bad:
- Hook
- Jack
- Bicentennial Man
- Nine Months
- The Best of Times

Bad:
- Jumanji
- Jakob the Liar
- The World According to Garp
- Flubber
- Father's Day

El Sucko Supremo:
- Popeye
- Patch Adams
- What Dreams May Come
- Toys

Who holds a candle to this? Okay, Sean Connery, but who else?

betenoir
10-11-2000, 03:50 PM
Originally posted by RickJay
[QUOTE]Unite behind me, Dopers! Accept Cecil as our God-King, and I will lead you to a land where there is no Christina Aguilera and the people who made "Showgirls" are made to work in the dilithium mines!

Let's move this post to the Utopian Society thread. Finally a vision of an ideal society we can all agree on.

Crunchy Frog
10-11-2000, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by RickJay
But has any great actor ever appeared in so many truly, amazingly atrocious movies? <snip>
Who holds a candle to this? Okay, Sean Connery, but who else?

Michael Caine.

I'd also like to second the Woody Allen sucks vote.
I was not impressed with Annie Hall, Sleeper, Bullets Over Broadway, or Deconstructing Harry.

After seing those four I decided to stop renting Woody Allen movies trying to find out what was so great about him.

vix
10-11-2000, 03:58 PM
Since Jack Frost has not been mentioned, I'll assume no one else suffered through it. I'm talking about the one with Michael Keaton as the guy who dies and comes back as a talking snowman. This movie was playing on a Bonanza bus trip from Providence to New York, and I actually paid $2 to rent headphones to watch it. As if taking the bus weren't bad enough. I think we should be paid to take the bus, not the other way around. But, uh, that's a different topic...

don Jaime
10-11-2000, 04:00 PM
Originally posted by xizor
What are you kidding? Seeing Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman in slinkly costumes (Alicia in black leather, rrrarrrrr) was alone worth admission.

I saw Uma's breasts nekkid in Mad Dog and Glory, and even they couldn't keep me awake. I was fourteen years old and unimpressed. Horrible waste of DeNiro, Thurman, and Bill Murray. If my ride had been there I'd have walked.

Batman stunk from the word "go." Tim "Wait A Minute While I Build Up Enough Flatulence To Fart In Your Face" Burton should have called it Joker. Dull, Brain-Dead, Washed-Up Has-Been Joker, to be precise. This drek had all the subtlety of a swat upside the head with a 2x4. Random killing, random killing, huge Carrot Top-style prop, overhead shot of the only street in Gotham, Batman is confused and wussy, random killing, random killing...how Schumaker is considered its destroyer baffles me. It was wretched to begin with. Even the Adam West Bat wan't this clueless.

Worst movie of all time? Maybe Mars Attacks! I've seen twenty minutes here and there flipping through the channels and can't believe how bad it is. "Let's make a movie with personality-free aliens who kill for no reason at all! They get what they want and kill anyway! And let's make their victims the cretins!" No bigger cretin than the one what made it, Timbo. Who keeps giving Burton money? Each of his movies is unthinkably awful.

Southpaw
10-11-2000, 05:10 PM
The Pirate Movie.

A musical starring Kristy McNichol & Christopher Atkins. Blue Lagoon meets Gilbert & Sullivan, except without any nudity or wit.

I wanted to walk out on this waste of celluloid, but my friends were literally holding me down. I wanted to shout insults at the screen, but I was shocked into silence by the absurdness of it all. I wanted my friends to pay me back double the admission price (which I didn’t pay to begin with). I wanted to forget I ever saw this drek, but I can't, it's etched into my memory.

I still have nightmares about it...

Mofo Rising
10-11-2000, 05:54 PM
Anyone here see Green Mile? I only saw it in commercials. I refuse to go see. It looks way too melodramatic, and almost romanticized. Plus I don't really like Tom Hanks. Was I justified in not seeing htis one?

Green Mile would have been alright if it was an hour shorter and they cut out the epilogue. (Note to filmmakers: Not everything in the book needs to be in the movie.) What suprised me is that they got away with one of the most graphic execution scenes I've seen in recent history.

mblackwell
10-11-2000, 06:17 PM
Hmm, I have liked about 5 of the movies already mentioned. The movie that I think really, really sucked was Bicentennial Man.

BlackKnight
10-11-2000, 06:23 PM
Add me to the list of those who disliked "Bicentennial Man". Compared to the Asimov short story that inspired it, this movie is horrible. If I hadn't already read the story, I probably would have considered the movie "eh" but not too bad. I highly recommend the short story to any interested parties.

Malarky
10-11-2000, 06:51 PM
Originally posted by Zoggie
Originally posted by RickJay

It's N'Sync.

If N'Sync (or as Letterman calls them, N'Suck) and Britney appear in a movie version of "Grease" together, I swear to Christ I am going to lead the people in open rebellion, overthrow the world's governments and establish the People's Republic of Rickjay, where I will be empowered to order public executions on whatever whim I fancy. And you can be damned sure the people who produced "Grease" with Britney and N'Sync will be the first ones against the wall when that day comes.

Unite behind me, Dopers! Accept Cecil as our God-King, and I will lead you to a land where there is no Christina Aguilera and the people who made "Showgirls" are made to work in the dilithium mines!

Dude I would most likely be with you...to overthrow the oppressive bourgeois (and sexually atrocious) N Sync and Britney Spears takeover of GREASE. Sorry man, but that's overstepping their boundaries...once they get into the film remake realm, it is our right- nay, our duty to annihilate them. :)

Annihilate N*Sync and Brittney? I'm in... throw the Backstreet Bitches in there and I'll carry the torch!!!

Coldfire
10-11-2000, 08:24 PM
Mars Attacks?
The World According to Garp?

For various reasons, I loved both of them.

I do, however, have a new suggestion. This one is a killer, you will all agree with mee this time. It is the ONLY movie I ever walked out of, physically ill from all the crap acting I had witnessed over the first, say, 12 minutes. Later, I saw it on TV whilst extremely drunk.

It still sucked beyond belief.

I am, of course, talking about: THE BODYGUARD

I'll leave you alone now. I suppose you need to throw up as bad as I need to.

Shaelar
10-11-2000, 09:29 PM
What Dreams May Come
I hated that damned movie. I saw it once and refuse to ever watch it again.

Brynda
10-11-2000, 09:33 PM
The Bodyguard was truly awful. Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston had ZERO chemistry. Both of them are wooden onscreen and while with the right partner, that can be covered up (sorta), together they were awful.

The World According to Garp is a flawed movie, but I liked it. I doubt anyone not reading the book will like it, though. You have to fill in holes with what you know from the book. Kudos to the director for giving Robin Williams the Garp role--I think that was great casting.

Haven't seen Mars Attacks, but otherwise, I agree with you.

The Blair Witch Project was inspired genuis, BTW.

Freudian Slit
10-11-2000, 10:18 PM
Originally posted by vix
Since Jack Frost has not been mentioned, I'll assume no one else suffered through it. I'm talking about the one with Michael Keaton as the guy who dies and comes back as a talking snowman. This movie was playing on a Bonanza bus trip from Providence to New York, and I actually paid $2 to rent headphones to watch it. As if taking the bus weren't bad enough. I think we should be paid to take the bus, not the other way around. But, uh, that's a different topic...

Ugh yeah I heard about it...how it sounded so creepy and all.

Also- The Breakfast Club. (Okay i have a love hate relationship with this one.) Sometimes its just so obnoxiously bad, cliched characters, sort of dull...but other times I just get sucked into it and I'll watch it whenever it comes on TV. Weird? I guess i'm sort of ambivelent towards it.

Jumangi i've never liked. I know, they had to add a plot onto it, b/c the book was so short. But it was so nice as a book, a bit creepy, rather fun...the movie was so in your face. That girl main character was an annoying bitch. And when the boy turns into monkey-boy. And that frigid aunt-bitch.

Oh. The nightmare before christmas. <shudder>

Johnny L.A.
10-12-2000, 08:18 AM
Worst movie of all time? Maybe Mars Attacks! I've seen twenty minutes here and there flipping through the channels and can't believe how bad it is. "Let's make a movie with personality-free aliens who kill for no reason at all! They get what they want and kill anyway! And let's make their victims the cretins!"
Can you say "parody"? Look at the "classic" monster films from the 50s. They usually had "personality-free aliens who kill for no reason at all". This was not one of Burton's best films. I thought it started out great and then lost steam at the end. But "worst movie of all time"? I think you just didn't gt the joke.
The Blair Witch Project was plain awful. Not just awful in comparision to hype, but just plain suckulent. How do you get lost in the wildnerness of, oh where was it, oh yeah Maryland for days at a time?
Yeah, how can they get lost? Why can't they just follow the stream? It's almost as if something supernatural was going on! As if someone or something was thwarting their efforts to get out of the woods. As a narrative story, The Blair Witch Project didn't really work. It relied on the audience thinking that what they were seeing was real. Since most people knew it never happened, that kind of blew the entire premise. Still, I thought the concept and technique were refreshing.

For me, for a movie to be truly aweful it has to have pretentions of being a great film. Like Magnolia and The English Patient. Magnolia was utterly predictable and I was offended when the director revealed his "twists" as if they were golden nuggets. FLASH! If the audience knows what's coming, they're not "twists"! As for The English Patient, yeah, yeah, we know. Die already!

I also hated The Cheap Detective.

Sealemon88
10-12-2000, 10:06 AM
I trust these choices require no explanation:

Highlander 2: The Quickening
Grease 2
The Ninth Gate (Although this one at least has some MST3K potential)
Event Horizon
The Thin Red line

Malarky
10-12-2000, 11:42 AM
Originally posted by don Jaime
Originally posted by xizor
What are you kidding? Seeing Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman in slinkly costumes (Alicia in black leather, rrrarrrrr) was alone worth admission.

I saw Uma's breasts nekkid in Mad Dog and Glory, and even they couldn't keep me awake. I was fourteen years old and unimpressed. Horrible waste of DeNiro, Thurman, and Bill Murray. If my ride had been there I'd have walked.

Batman stunk from the word "go." Tim "Wait A Minute While I Build Up Enough Flatulence To Fart In Your Face" Burton should have called it Joker. Dull, Brain-Dead, Washed-Up Has-Been Joker, to be precise. This drek had all the subtlety of a swat upside the head with a 2x4. Random killing, random killing, huge Carrot Top-style prop, overhead shot of the only street in Gotham, Batman is confused and wussy, random killing, random killing...how Schumaker is considered its destroyer baffles me. It was wretched to begin with. Even the Adam West Bat wan't this clueless.

Worst movie of all time? Maybe Mars Attacks! I've seen twenty minutes here and there flipping through the channels and can't believe how bad it is. "Let's make a movie with personality-free aliens who kill for no reason at all! They get what they want and kill anyway! And let's make their victims the cretins!" No bigger cretin than the one what made it, Timbo. Who keeps giving Burton money? Each of his movies is unthinkably awful.

Except for Edward Scissorhands...

Freudian Slit
10-12-2000, 01:57 PM
Oh someone else here said it too...Dracula. (Yep, the Keanu Reeves one, with Winona Ryder, and Gary Oldman.)

My English teacher showed it to us because she needed to grade some papers that day, and we had just finished reading it.
It was one of those movies that's so bad its funny. That scene with the "vampire-whores" seducing Jonathan...cheesey as hell. And Lucy Westenra getting screwed by the werewolf: tres bizarre. And Gary Oldman as Dracula? Umm. That was wrong. Very much so.

Chum
10-12-2000, 07:00 PM
How anyone could fall in love with someone so selfish, so spoiled, and so mercurial is beyond me. It makes the whole movie painful for me to watch. *SHUDDER*

I couldn't agree more. I feel almost unAmerican for despising this movie, but I do nonetheless. I hate it for precisely the same reason as you. Scarlett is absolutely wicked, and I feel I have become *stupider* for having watched her prance around and wail.

The only movie I've ever walked out of is "Bram Stoker's Dracula." Where do I begin. Keanu? Winona? Gary Oldman? No, I can't, remembering this movie will have me laughing so hard I'll probably wet myself.

Good God, that movie was indeed horrendous. I remember seeing bits and pieces of it a few years back, and I thought it looked really scary (I admit to being freaked out by the way his shadow lingers around). I read the book, which was EXCELLENT, so I decided to watch the movie. Pure drivel it was! What a terrible interpretation of a wonderful book! I watched it with a friend who hadn't read the book, so we simply fast forwarded through the last hour or so. Disgusting.

Phobos
10-13-2000, 08:04 AM
Man. I can list a hundred bad movies, but I can't think of one that I actively loathe the same way that Vyvyan from the Young Ones loathes "The Good Life" with Felicity Kendall. I suddenly miss my adolescent view of the world.

RickJay
10-13-2000, 09:54 AM
For a movie that's not only dreck but also offensive as well, you can't do much worse than Nickleodeon's Snow Day. It's a horrifyingly bad ripoff - AND they show off a 14-year-old's nipples! Boy, that's family entertainment!

I'm amazed nobody has yet mentioned Spice World.

Freudian Slit
10-13-2000, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by RickJay
For a movie that's not only dreck but also offensive as well, you can't do much worse than Nickleodeon's Snow Day. It's a horrifyingly bad ripoff - AND they show off a 14-year-old's nipples! Boy, that's family entertainment!

I'm amazed nobody has yet mentioned Spice World.



Oh? how's it offensive, i just thought of it as kind of crumby but not offensive....its one of those Nick ones.

Oh- that other Nick Movie, Harriet the Spy. I never liked that one...

ElwoodCuse
10-13-2000, 03:26 PM
Blues Brothers 2000 does not deserve to exist.

JustAnotherGuy
10-13-2000, 03:46 PM
My father once brought home a rental (back in the old days, before Blockbuster) titled something like "Alaska"

It was a monotonous documentary about these men and their trip to Alaska, which they basically did nothing but huddle in an igloo. He lost rental priveledges for six months. Yes, children can do that to their father.


We never even watched the whole movie, just kept fast forwarding for the 'good part' that never came. But we will always remember that movie.


Otherwise, most sequels suck. Grease 2, Meatballs, Police Academies.

I'm hard-pressed for an absolute worst. Not having read all the posts, but I once had a thing for Kristie McNichols... kind of sick huh? So I liked the Pirates movie.

Freudian Slit
10-13-2000, 06:55 PM
In French class we had to watch these movies...we all hated them righteously. The first was called Chocolat, it was about a French girl living in Africa. End of story. There was an African servant too...stuff happened...but slowly and in an excruciatingly boring way. Another one, I forget the name, was about these kids living in the West Indies. <G> I'm guessing the French aren't known for the films?

Lazlo
10-13-2000, 06:57 PM
Someone else mentioned Episode 1. I agree. That has to be the worst film I've seen in a couple of years. If it wasn't for Natilie Portman, I would've walked out.

What I think is the absolutely worst film of all times is Natural Born Killers. I didn't drive to it so I couldn't even walk out. Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggh. I wish Oliver Stone would've been killed after making Platoon so that we could've been spared this crap. Dammit, now I'm pissed thinking off thinking about it.

Dr.Teeth
10-14-2000, 05:32 PM
Answer me this, then: why is it that no one has mentioned Eddie Murphy's "The Nutty Professor"? It is the quintessential definition of puerile offal. I suppose, to answer my own question, that it's really too self-evident to need mentioning.

Freudian Slit
10-14-2000, 08:55 PM
Is anyone gonna bite the bullet, be brave, and mention Austin Powers? Everyone I know raves "THE FUNNIEST MOVIE, THE BEST AHH!" and I never saw it. Is it really that great? Looks obnoxious and stupid. What is so damned funny about the word shag?

TVeblen
10-14-2000, 09:52 PM
::blushes::

I actually like Red Dawn because it's unintentionally hilarious; a jingoistic mess that doesn't even realize it makes it's own point of view ridiculous. C'mon, really--foreign badasses invade Montana (?!?) completely unnoticed by the military, of course, but smalltown jocks whomp invader butt instead.

My nomination for absolute worst, disembowel yourself with a butter knife to escape it movie: Body of Evidence, Madonna's pre-Evita attempt at a stylish thriller. The script was godawful; tailored to showcase Madonna as femme fatale who could not be resisted. Since Madonna is to acting what King Herod was to toddlers, the whole dreary nasty mess puddled and stank.

Veb

betenoir
10-15-2000, 08:39 AM
Originally posted by Phobos
Man. I can list a hundred bad movies, but I can't think of one that I actively loathe the same way that Vyvyan from the Young Ones loathes "The Good Life" with Felicity Kendall.

"Felicity Kendall is sweetly pretty and I want to ..protect her."

StompyGodzilla
10-15-2000, 05:12 PM
I cannot believe that no one has mentioned 'Last Man Standing' with Bruce Willis. Holy Toledo, what a piece of drivelling crap. Everyone shot everyone else in the end, and the only real question was, why couldn't this have happened 119 minutes sooner?

Spoke
10-15-2000, 07:43 PM
I actually like Red Dawn because it's unintentionally hilarious; a jingoistic mess that doesn't even realize it makes it's own point of view ridiculous. C'mon, really--foreign badasses invade Montana (?!?) completely unnoticed by the military, of course, but smalltown jocks whomp invader butt instead.

I agree 100%. Red Dawn is enormously entertaining as an unintentional self-parody. The Soviet Army invades the vast and powerful United States, and their first target is....a high school in Colorado!!! :confused:

I included this film on a list of guilty pleasures in an earlier thread.

Rilchiam
10-21-2000, 08:42 PM
Originally posted by StompyGodzilla
I cannot believe that no one has mentioned 'Last Man Standing' with Bruce Willis. Holy Toledo, what a piece of drivelling crap. Everyone shot everyone else in the end, and the only real question was, why couldn't this have happened 119 minutes sooner?

So I could see David Patrick Kelly looking totally edible in one of those old-time suits, and see scene where he goes on a rampage, and another where his character shows some depth for once (he's capable of it, but rarely gets to do so on screen as opposed to on stage). I didn't concern myself with whether the film was good or bad. I suppose it was bad, but DPK got more screen time than he usually does, and his performance was redeeming.

"Gee, Rilchiam, who is this David Patrick Kelly anyway?"

Togepi no Miko
10-21-2000, 09:50 PM
quasar, thanks for agreeing with me about Brazil. But I liked what Dreams May come- a lot. what do y'all find so awful about it? I also liked last Man standing. Event Horizon makes more sense if you are into Lovecraft. I like most of burton's stuff (anyone have an opinion on sleepy hollow?) and I liked Bram Stoker's Dracula, w/ the exception of keanu Reeves. Needful Things was a horrible film from a great King book.

notfrommensa
10-21-2000, 11:02 PM
Anaconda...When the snake snatched (and subsequently swallowed) the guy in mid air after jumping off the bluff. ***Barf***

lesa
10-22-2000, 01:19 AM
Here's a link I got from another thread a few weeks ago. I laughed so hard I cried.

http://www.jabootu.com/highlander2.htm

The whole site is good, but this detailed attack on Highlander II is the best. ("So why do we take the time to write these...I must confess to having but one motivation--Revenge.")

DougC
10-22-2000, 07:07 AM
- - - Ugh. Have to go with something recent: Pushing Ten.
- Mother was watching it on cable yesterday, because "it's that movie that Billy Bob Thorton and (some alleged actress I can't remember) fell in love and got married". The THIRLLS and SPILLS of --- air traffic controllers? How do you keep your soul and get someone to bankroll shit like this? Billy and the bimbo probably just hooked up to boost ticket sales. No, I didn't even watch it. - MC

Anamorphic
10-22-2000, 10:41 AM
Three pages of (mostly) crappy movies and no one has mentioned Mission Impossible? What a steaming pile of maggot-infested dung that was. Hands down, the worst big-budget film of all time. 'Course, I haven't seen Battlefield Earth yet, so...

But I disagree with a number of the other choices on these pages, so I'm sure there are people who think Mission Incomprehensible was a fine piece of cinema. And that's what I love about movies.

BTW, I'm starting my first feature film in January... hope it doesn't end up on a future version of this thread!!!

DoctorJ
10-22-2000, 11:30 AM
The worst movie I've paid to see was An Awfully Big Adventure, with Hugh Grant (quite possibly my least favorite actor).

This movie had spent about an hour sucking the big root when the lead actress, a young girl who has recently begun her first sexual affair with a man who turns out to be her father, turns to him in bed and says (paraphrased, but serious and in a thick Irish brogue), "Ya know, I'm gettin' used ta fuckin'. It's kinda like playin' the ukulele--after a while, ya get the hang of it." At that point, most of us actually rolled in the floor, groaning.

The only redeeming quality of the movie was Alan Rickman, who was an actor playing Captain Hook in a local production of Peter Pan. That was cool.

As a med student, I will concur that Patch Adams was two hours I'll never have back. The worst part of it was the med school dean, and his insistence that they would "dehumanize" the students. Medicine has never, ever been like that, and anyone like that would certainly not be in charge of a med school (for very long). From what I understand, Patch Adams himself is pretty much "over the top", but is also an excellent physician--his book is required reading on my family practice rotation.

Dr. J

pepperlandgirl
10-22-2000, 12:23 PM
Ok, let me get a few things straight before I list the movies I hate.
One, The Green Mile was true to the book. Which is a good thing.
Apt Pupil was NOT true to the book. Don't watch this movie, read the novella by Stephen King, it's in Four Seasons
For those of who you don't like Gone With the Wind, all I can do is say that I am very, very sorry for you. I've read the book five times and seen the movie at least that much, and do you know what? Scarlett is SUPPOSED to be a bitch, that's sorta the point of the whole book.
I think there should be a law. Nobody could bad-mouth movies based on books for thre reasons.
1)It's almost a given the movie is going to suck anyway, because movies based on books always do. (See "Apt Pupil")
2) Most of the people who bitch and moan about said movies haven't read the book in the first place
3) Some of the movies such as Gone with the Wind, and THe Green Mile, stay very true to the book. So if you are going to hate them, do so in the "Books I absolutely detest" thread.

Ok, the movies I hate, hate HATE are "Mission to Mars" "My Best Friend's Wedding" and any movie with Freddie Prinze Jr in it. "She's ALl That" was the most horrible, disgusting, vile piece of shit (Next to Mission to Mars) that I have ever sat through. Don't watch that movie. Rent "Can't Buy Me Love", same idea, but MUCH MUCH better done.

TheUnforgiven
10-22-2000, 01:27 PM
The Thirteenth Warrior is the worst movie I've seen in a long time. Just bad.

I also hate Con Air. Actually I just can't stand Nicholas Cage. I hope I never have to hear that damn attempted southern accent again.

MysteryFellow63427
10-22-2000, 10:13 PM
Those of you with poor taste, your opinions have not gone unnoticed.

BlackKnight, Face/Off is not that terrible. Cheesy at times, but certainly no worse than your average action movie of the summer.

GuanoLad spewed:
The Big Lebowski

Huge steaming pile of fetid dingoes kidneys! But one that has garnered an undeserved cult following. I can't for the life of me figure out why
they enjoy this alarmingly pointless nonsense. It is shite of the highest degree, and anyone who
says different immediately goes on my permanent blacklist. Okay?

Okay. Sign me up then, you philistine. I'm guessing you sympathized with the German nihilists when you watched it. This movie is hilarious, and is worthy of a spot in a small to mid-sized personal video collection.

Togepi no Miko wrote:
The movie I loathe that no one has mentioned is Terry Gilliam's Brazil. What an utter waste of the
talented people in it: Robert Deniro, Jonathan Pryce, Bob Hoskins, Michael Palin... I'd rather be
shot than ever sit through this movie again. My friend fell asleep for a large portion of it; when he
awoke not much had happened in the hour interval.
I think someone already posted this, but Brazil is a great vision of dystopia. I'm sorry it wasn't obvious enough for you.

quasar secreted:
Brazil: how can some people compare it to The Matrix and Dark City is beyond me. I had huge
expectations for this movie after listening to those exalted references. Unfortunately it was so
incredibly boring I wanted to kill myself rather than finish watching it. After masochistically and
stoically viewing it for an hour I couldn’t take it anymore. Those are the most pathetically spent
3600 seconds of my life. In retrospect, I would have rather fucked Roseanne Barr than forced my
eyes to be victimized by such a tormentous cinematic mastercrap. It is so bad that it requires the
coinage of new words to appropriately convey the catastrophic and traumatic experience that it
represents.

How could some people compare it to The Matrix and Dark City? ROTFL. Both of these movies are inferior to Brazil. Next time buy a 6 pak of Miller Lite and rent Speed instead. Or watch The Matrix for the eighteenth time.

Voorvie wrote:
Man On The Moon: I don't care what anybody says, Jim Carrey WAS NOT Andy Kaufman! I
cannot believe he won a Golden Globe for this crap! It was horrible horrible horrible.

Ok, maybe he wasn't Andy Kaufman, but the movie was funny. The last 20 minutes where he is dying might not have been to your taste, but the movie was not "horrrible horrible horrible."

RickJay wrote
Who holds a candle to [Robin Williams' crappiness]? Okay, Sean Connery, but who else?

C'mon, Sean Connery is not even close to Robin Williams. The man who made so many Bond movies? I'm sure you meant to type the name of some other actor.

don Jaime excreted:
Batman stunk from the word "go." Tim "Wait A Minute While I Build Up Enough Flatulence To
Fart In Your Face" Burton should have called it Joker. Dull, Brain-Dead, Washed-Up Has-Been
Joker, to be precise. This drek had all the subtlety of a swat upside the head with a 2x4. Random
killing, random killing, huge Carrot Top-style prop, overhead shot of the only street in Gotham,
Batman is confused and wussy, random killing, random killing...how Schumaker is considered its
destroyer baffles me. It was wretched to begin with. Even the Adam West Bat wan't this clueless.
...
Who keeps giving Burton money? Each of his movies is unthinkably awful.

Tim Burton is an excellent director who has made several good movies, including Beetlejuice, Batman, and Edward Scissorhands. Who keeps giving him money? A lot of people who understand and like quality (read: people who are not like you.) My advice? Stop wasting your money on videos and start buying more airplane glue. You have nothing to lose.

BlackKnight
10-22-2000, 11:11 PM
Originally posted by neuroman
BlackKnight, Face/Off is not that terrible. Cheesy at times, but certainly no worse than your average action movie of the summer.

Wasn't there just a thread about the meaning of "damning with faint praise"? ;)

RickJay
10-22-2000, 11:58 PM
RickJay wrote
Who holds a candle to [Robin Williams' crappiness]? Okay, Sean Connery, but who else?

C'mon, Sean Connery is not even close to Robin Williams. The man who made so many Bond movies? I'm sure you meant to type the name of some other actor.

You weren't paying attention. The comparison was; what other great actor (Williams is a magnificent actor) has appeared in so many AWFUL movies?

Sean Connery has appeared in many great movies, but that's not the point; the point is that he has appeared in many awful movies, and many of the worst movies of all time. "Highlander II" is my hands-down choice for the worst movie ever made, and "The Avengers" is right up... er, down there.

Sweet Sue
10-23-2000, 12:09 AM
(Odearchuckyandbrideofchucky!)
O
º
(:eek: )
+
A
"

DRY
10-23-2000, 01:19 AM
Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
For those of who you don't like Gone With the Wind, all I can do is say that I am very, very sorry for you. I've read the book five times and seen the movie at least that much, and do you know what? Scarlett is SUPPOSED to be a bitch, that's sorta the point of the whole book.


Seconded. (Except I haven't read the book five times.)

Gone With the Wind easily makes my top ten list of movies ever made.

Kyla
10-23-2000, 02:51 AM
I'm gonna do a repeat. The movie I most actively loathe is the already-mentioned piece of tripe The Bodyguard. And not just cause it's so terrible. No, I have more personal reasons. My friend saw this movie back in high school and for no reason I can fathom, fell in love with the Kevin Costner character. Not with Kevin Costner. With the character, Frank Farmer. (My god forgive me that I know his name.) Anyway, for the next three or so years, she talked about this movie constantly. She made me watch it once. I told her not to ever do that to me again. Oh my god. Mygodmygodmygod. She had the soundtrack, and bought the movie and you couldn't have a conversation with her without her talking about this movie. This kind of overexposure would have made me hate any movie, really.

The top was, though, when she actually changed her name to Rachel, which is the name of the Whitney Houston character in the movie. I am serious. Her given name is Rosemary, but she's always hated it. When she went to college, she decided to introduce herself as Rachel, and is still using that name, five years later. She now denies that choosing that particular name has nothing to do with Whitney Houston, but I know better. Her obsession with the movie ended a few years ago, but my loathing of it never will.

P.S. I also dislike Gone With the Wind. Not cause Scarlett is a bitch. It's just too goddamned long, and not enthralling enough to make me want to sit there for three hours watching Atlanta burn.

matt
10-23-2000, 04:36 AM
Speed 2 - like having someone jabbing their finger into your eye for ninety minutes.

Jaws 4 - when a psychic shark is persecuting your family try not going into the sea. It'll find you if you just move to Hawaii. Hell, it'll even beat the jet there. Jaws 3 was probably as bad, but I didn't see that one.

Dumb and Dumber - Utterly puerile, stupid, childish idiotic crap. What kind of LOWBROW MORON would find this funny? Oh yeah, me. Twice. I'm trying to hate it though, really I am!

Meet Joe Black - estimated running time 8 years

Eyes Wide Shut - the trailer hooked me and reeled me in. What a sucker.

The Secret of Nimh A damned fine kids' book with an intelligent story which the animated movie didn't even TRY to keep to. I haven't been so dissapointed since my cotton candy blew away at the fair.

Stargate Can't really say why I hated this, because I fell asleep in the cinema. Tried to watch it again on video, but fell asleep again. No explanation.

Assasin - a whole film remade, slightly less well, to save lazy English-speakers from having to read subtitles? Nikita blew this away.

Each and every Superman movie

Grease, for its heartwarming message that to be a really cool rebel, mindless conformity to the standards of your peers is the way to go. Plus it's a musical.

Frankie and Johnny the way to get the girl is to pester her, stalk her and stare with unblinking, laser-like intensity into her eyes from 5 inches away during all conversations. Usually when this happens, it escalates into a rooftop showdown and the psycho gets killed. This time she marries him.

Event Horizon for having an intriguing, intelligent hard sci-fi premise at the start and then turning into Hellraiser. I haven't been so dissapointed since The Secret of Nimh.

every sequel to Nightmare on Elm Street, making people forget what an uncommonly good horror film the first one was.

Halloween III. Words fail me.

anya marie
10-23-2000, 06:22 AM
Cruel Intentions! Not only could i not stay awake during the movie, all the cliches bored me to tears.

"hi! I am the school virgin and I go to an exclusive private prep school.Anyway I am going to get the school bitch to set me up with the school player, who are stepbrother/stepsister and I am gonna ask her for sex advice, even though she is a total gossip hag and coke fiend." Jesus on a jet-ski!
i bet my 14 year old sister could write something better!

don Jaime
10-23-2000, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by neuroman
(Obscenity deleted - dJ.)

So, BlackKnight, GuanoLad, Togepi no Miko, quasar, Voorvie, RickJay, and yours untruly, don Jaime, are scum beneath your shoe, eh? Who the Hell are you to ridicule seven different posters because we don't like some movie? Piss off, you little troll.

MysteryFellow63427
10-23-2000, 01:06 PM
Originally posted by don Jaime
So, BlackKnight, GuanoLad, Togepi no Miko, quasar, Voorvie, RickJay, and yours untruly, don Jaime, are scum beneath your shoe, eh? Who the Hell are you to ridicule seven different posters because we don't like some movie? Piss off, you little troll.
No, I think we can agree to disagree. Or at least agree that the other is a gerbil brained moron. In the interest of keeping this thread out of The Pit, that's all I'm gonna say here. (Ok, I'll admit it, that's where my first post should have gone.)

quasar
10-23-2000, 02:24 PM
Originally vomited by Neuroman
quasar secreted…


Hey , who told you that I love secreting stuff? :D

Neuroman farted
How could some people compare it to The Matrix and Dark City? ROTFL. Both of these movies are inferior to Brazil. Next time buy a 6 pak of Miller Lite and rent Speed instead.


FYI, Speed rocks big time. I feel sorry for you if your intellectual presumptuousness imposes a narrow minded, movie-enjoyment-obstructing attitude upon you. Quick, give the number of the bus Sandra and Keanu rode on?

Neuroman brilliantly proposed
…Or watch The Matrix for the eighteenth time.

Actually, it would be only the sixth but you are right, it should be the eighteenth.

Hey, I got an idea. Why, instead of portraying yourself as an ass, don’t you try to explain the rationale behind your assertions. I assure you that a well-structured, statement can be much more efficient towards convincing people and gaining their respect than snotty, wise-ass, sarcastic, pseudo-intellectual remarks.

In that vein, let me explain why I disliked Brazil:

Basically, it is a problem of narration. The movie bores you from the get-go and never gets a hold of your attention. As such, it might be deploying an incredibly compelling thesis, a philosophically enriching, mind enlightening argument (as did The Matrix), but it all goes for nil since the spectator’s focus was never directed at the movie and the relevant message it was trying to convey. You can not make an impact if your audience’s attention drifts away. Narration is as important as content. If the former doesn’t manifest itself appropriately, that is, in a fluent, well-structured, attention-grasping fashion, the latter would be either not appreciated or not properly understood.

That is what happened with Brazil, plain and simple. You can't believe the huge expectations I had for it. I really tried to watch it in its entirety. I simply couldn’t. It was an exercise in patience and self-sacrifice. I felt like a goddamn masochist, imposing upon myself the worst imaginable, most abominable, despair producing, and suicide inducing tortures. I am all for the search on enlightenment and truth but not at the price Brazil sets on you--eternal boredom.

Any RELEVANT input you could provide about where the greatness of the movie resides will be not only appreciated but commented upon in a future post.

As for why I liked The Matrix, I have talked extensively about it in other threads. If you are interested I could post here some relevant extracts from such intellectual ramblings or provide you the corresponding links. In any case, I think it would work better if you told me specifically why you didn’t like it and from that we could engage in a potentially enlightening and hopefully mutually beneficial argument.

Your friend in time
Quasar

Sorry about that, I just saw Back to the Future for the nth time yesterday. Please don’t tell me you didn’t like that one either. :rolleyes:

CrankyAsAnOldMan
10-23-2000, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
Ok, let me get a few things straight before I list the movies I hate.
One, The Green Mile was true to the book. Which is a good thing.
Apt Pupil was NOT true to the book. Don't watch this movie, read the novella by Stephen King, it's in Four Seasons
For those of who you don't like Gone With the Wind, all I can do is say that I am very, very sorry for you. I've read the book five times and seen the movie at least that much, and do you know what? Scarlett is SUPPOSED to be a bitch, that's sorta the point of the whole book.
I think there should be a law. Nobody could bad-mouth movies based on books for thre reasons.
1)It's almost a given the movie is going to suck anyway, because movies based on books always do. (See "Apt Pupil")
2) Most of the people who bitch and moan about said movies haven't read the book in the first place
3) Some of the movies such as Gone with the Wind, and THe Green Mile, stay very true to the book. So if you are going to hate them, do so in the "Books I absolutely detest" thread.



Well now, if I were going to vote on this law, I think I'd object! :-) First of all, I feel it's valid to dislike a work (of any type) because the lead character does not arouse one's sympathies.

Also, I've seen a number of films that were spot-on true to the work they were based upon, but I still didn't like them--despite loving the book. The BBC has done an excellent series of adaptations of Jane Austen's works. But I've liked some much better than others. One example: I liked the more recent Mansfield Park, which takes a few liberties, much better than the BBC version. I thought the casting of Fanny was simply off in the BBC version. I just couldn't stay interested in her fate. In the recent big-budget version? Loved that Fanny. But the BBC Pride & Prejudice was significantly better than the Kate Winslet/Emma Thompson version (IMHO)...

Wait, where's that thread I am supposed to be posting all this serious stuff to?

Lord, most of you are making me laugh my guts out at your succint expressions of outrage at the movies which have most offended your sense of taste. Bravo.

Phobos
10-23-2000, 04:41 PM
Originally posted by betenoir
Originally posted by Phobos
Man. I can list a hundred bad movies, but I can't think of one that I actively loathe the same way that Vyvyan from the Young Ones loathes "The Good Life" with Felicity Kendall.

"Felicity Kendall is sweetly pretty and I want to ..protect her."

I've never heard it called that before!

Edwardina
10-23-2000, 04:51 PM
I thought of another one, one which has earned my undistilled loathing: Nothing But Trouble. Disturbing, unfunny, vicious dentist's drill of a movie. I actually have a visceral physical response to the memory, (or even the mention) of this horrible waste of time, money and talent. This is a movie that managed to completely avoid the slightest taint of humor even though it starred Chevy Chase, Dan Ackroyd, and John Candy. As if to add insult to injury, they actually found a reason for Demi Moore to be in it.

I can't think of enough bad words to say about it, but some that come to mind are: "filthy," "fetid," "folly," "fracas," "frightening," "far-gone" and "total, ass-reaming rip-off."

Gollum
10-23-2000, 07:10 PM
Hook
Just thinking of it makes me twitch with distaste.
Also Mortal Kombat:annihilation and street fighter It scares me that i saw these.

Dr.Teeth
10-23-2000, 09:02 PM
Originally posted by neuroman

BlackKnight, Face/Off is not that terrible. Cheesy at times, but certainly no worse than your average action movie of the summer.


Sorry, neuroman, but BlackKnight is right. Face/Off IS that terrible. No, it's even more terrible than that.

Alpha
10-23-2000, 09:22 PM
I'm so sick of the Planet of the Apes series being lauded as deep. It's a one-joke series. This is the same idea that kept Swift busy for about 3 chapters of Gulliver's Travels, and he ran out of ideas then too.

Buddy Holly
10-23-2000, 10:37 PM
If I had been reading this thread a few weeks ago I probably wouldn't have been able to identify with many of you're all's emotions; There were movies I disliked and found boring, but none I actually loathed. Then I saw The Patriot. I was introduced into a level of hatred unlike any I had ever known before. This movie manipulates your emotions in completely unacceptable ways; the director is simply looking to piss off the audience so that he can have the antagonist seem more evil, without revealing any important insight. It completely over-demonizes the British as well as presenting numerous historical inacurricies. I'm sure if Mel Gibson had lived in the 1700s he would have "freed slaves" working for him. Riiight... Not to mention the fact that this film comitted the error of all errors: not only did it suck, it was unbearably long. Hour after hour passed as I sat there, my rear growing more and more painful. When the torture finally ended I shot out of my seat, rage coursing through my blood, prepared to begin a rant to the manager of the theater about having such awful fair only to find out that... my friends liked it. What was this? They had actually enjoyed this pile of dredge and slime? It was then that I knew who my true friends were- obviously not these strangers. I now sit at home alone throwing darts at my cutout of Mel Gibson, cursing his name and praying for the day when fire spontaneosly erupts from hell to reclaim that which it has sent to us, burning apart all videos and promotional materials for this trash which dares to call itself a film. I also dislike Mortal Kombat 2.

ricksummon
10-23-2000, 11:24 PM
The only movie that I truly remember hating was Out of Africa. I saw it when I was twelve because my parents made me. They said it was a great movie, but when asked why, they said it had "great scenery." Hell, if I wanted great scenery, I'd just watch the family's slides of Yellowstone. I don't remember exactly what it's about; I probably blocked the memory as a defense mechanism. Apparently, some woman goes to Africa, starts a coffee farm, falls in love with Robert Redford, gets syphilis, and returns to England. I may have gotten this plot wrong, but I don't think it really matters.

On a different note, people are ALREADY whining that Dungeons and Dragons is going to be a bad movie when all they've seen is less than half of the theatrical trailer! Really, I don't think that's fair. For one thing, the director and scriptwriters spent about nine years working on the story for this thing. The director had his writers watch every B-grade fantasy film ever made to show them what NOT to do, then showed them great epics like the Seven Samurai to show them what TO do. Several top actors, such as Jeremy Irons, Thora Birch, and Kristen Wilson said they joined the movie solely because of the quality of their characters. The goddamn inventor of the D&D game, Dave Arneson, was on set during the making of the movie, and even he loved it! And yet, people are still accusing the movie of having "B-movie dialogue" after hearing less than 30 seconds of said dialogue. I guess those people just don't want to believe this movie could succeed. Well, enough with the bad attitudes already! I, for one, can't wait to see D&D!

PunditLisa
10-24-2000, 07:02 AM
<GASP> There are people out there who don't adore Gone With the Wind ! What should I do about you people? I don't know, I'll think about that tomorrow!

Now, onto the losers,

Pacific Heights Note to Casting directors: Don't cast Melanie Griffith in ANY movie except perhaps "Mickey and Minny: A Love Story."

In Dreams - A good idea gone horribly awry. Mrs. Spielburg - let Steve read the script ahead of time. He seems to have a better sense of what a good story is.

Eyes Wide Shut - The film was bad enough. Then there are the rabid Kubrick fans who arrogantly inform any dissenter that that they just didn't "get it."

My Best Friend's Wedding - My opinion of the average American viewer hadn't been so low since "Three's Company" was the number 1 show in America.

Armageddon - Bruce Willis is the BEST NASA can find?!

And, finally,

Blue Velvet - David Lynch: Brilliant or mentally disturbed? I'm going with the latter.

Rocketeer
10-24-2000, 08:21 AM
Y'know, all I have to say is that you guys should try reading the reviews more carefully......

Almost every one of the stinkers in this thread got gawd-awful reviews; you coulda saved your valuable time & money in 90% of the cases cited above.

now, I'll grant that sometimes you get dragged into it; your girlfriend really really wants to go, or you're stuck in Nowhere, Kansas, and that's all there is in town and if you sit in that motel room for one more frigging second you are going to tear that horrible floral pattern wallpaper down and stuff it right down the



Ahem. Sorry.

RickJay
10-24-2000, 08:25 AM
Originally posted by ricksummon
The only movie that I truly remember hating was Out of Africa. I saw it when I was twelve because my parents made me. They said it was a great movie, but when asked why, they said it had "great scenery." Hell, if I wanted great scenery, I'd just watch the family's slides of Yellowstone. I don't remember exactly what it's about; I probably blocked the memory as a defense mechanism. Apparently, some woman goes to Africa, starts a coffee farm, falls in love with Robert Redford, gets syphilis, and returns to England. I may have gotten this plot wrong, but I don't think it really matters.

No, it doesn't matter.

In an earlier thread I nominated Out of Africa as one of the worst movies to ever win the Oscar for Best Picture. Among movies I loathe, you can throw in some other "epic" snorers that made the grade because the voters evidently fell asleep two hours in (one third of the movie) and assumed it must have been good:

- The English Patient
- The Last Emperor
- Around the World in Eighty Days

The goddamn inventor of the D&D game, Dave Arneson,

Forgive my ignorance, but didn't Gary Gygax invent D&D?

I can forgive people assuming a D&D movie will suck, because the odds are heavy it WILL suck, all other things being equal. You have to admit that most fantasy movies suck, and movies based on games always suck, so a combination does not bode well. The fact that the movie took nine years to make is not necessarily a good sign, either, and the fact that Dave Arneson likes it doesn't necessarily mean anything, either. I'm willing to be convinced, but I can certainly see why people are skeptical.

pldennison
10-24-2000, 08:38 AM
Originally posted by PunditLisa
In Dreams - A good idea gone horribly awry. Mrs. Spielburg - let Steve read the script ahead of time. He seems to have a better sense of what a good story is.
[/B]

In Dreams starred Annette Bening, who is married to Warren Beatty. Steven Spielberg is married to Kate Capshaw. I haven't seen the movie, so I'm not sure where you were going with that; just clarifying.

Minxsmom
10-24-2000, 11:20 AM
:: putting on asbestos long johns::

I hate. I loathe. I despise. BOTH Austin Powers movies.

My only dilemna is which one I like less.

horowitz
10-24-2000, 12:15 PM
Rudy

If its not bad enough to actually live in South Bend in the shadow of "Our Holy Mother" Notre Dame, now I have to sit through a two hour propaganda film. I think they should have gotten Leni Riefenstahl to direct.

ricksummon
10-24-2000, 04:45 PM
RickJay, I admit I wasn't being very precise. D&D was invented by Gary Gygax AND Dave Arneson. My point was that the critics of the D&D movie are actually hoping it will suck, just so they can say "I told you so." I find this attitude too cynical for words. Just saying "it's a fantasy movie, and all fantasy movies suck" isn't an argument. The director is well aware that MOST fantasy movies suck and took great pains to avoid making the same mistakes. I simply refuse to believe the critics who say that it is impossible to make a good D&D movie. Saying Dave Arneson liked it IS an appeal to authority, but I think that he can legitimately be considered an authority on the subject of D&D, given that he's literally been playing it longer than any other person on Earth. Saying that his opinion on D&D doesn't matter is like saying that Albert Einstein's opinion on relativity doesn't matter.

Badtz Maru
10-24-2000, 05:21 PM
Here's a few...

Crossworlds - yes, it's a DTV starring Rutger Hauer, I didn't expect it to be GOOD - but it was so insanely stupid and boring that I turned it off before I finished it (though I did get to the final fight). I NEVER let a movie go unfinished if there is nothing else to do, especially if I rented it.

Armageddon - so stupid on so many levels.

Bless the Child - OK, I was able to break down and start laughing at it about halfway through, but I feel like a tiny part of my soul died when I did - it just seems WRONG to enjoy a movie so bad, even if it is just laughing at it's stupidity.

Badtz Maru
10-24-2000, 06:13 PM
Oh, I forgot another one. 'Here on Earth' - Rich kid gets in a race with poor kid, they destroy poor kid's cute girlfriend's families restaurant. Rich kid and poor kid are forced by courts to rebuild restaurant. Rich kid has to live with cute girl's family because there are no hotels or apartments available anywhere near. Cute girl falls in love with rich kid. Cute girl gets incurable knee cancer...I would go further but I just made myself sick thinking about it.

quasar
10-24-2000, 10:55 PM
Originally posted by Badtz Maru
Here's a few...
Armageddon - so stupid on so many levels.


What? Saving our asses is stupid?

Armageddon is great fun! It also portrays a nice utopia, the human race acting as one soul, our collective destiny inextricably intertwined. It is really odd than only in the tenser, potentially disastrous scenarios when humanity sticks together and clearly demonstrates why our species is one worth preserving.

Back on subject, I have to admit that the movie had many scientific blunders regarding the detection of the asteroid, its destruction, its "environment", among others (we could even start a thread for the sole purpose of discussing them). This shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of the movie. In cases like this suspension of disbelief will do wonders for ya. It does for me! :

If I had to mention a particular aspect that really "bothered" me, it would have to be the incredible "coincidence" that both American and Russian space faring vessels were sufficiently standardized to allow for a flawless coupling between the modified shuttle (X71, I believe) and the Mir space station.

Anyhow, Armageddon reigns supreme in my prestigious list of all time great movies. I will probably rank it fourth in my Pantheon of Greatest Cinematic Gems, falling behind The Matrix, Star Wars and Field of Dreams.

Yeah, I admit it. My taste in movies is pretty simple and unspectacular :rolleyes:

And if you have still any further doubts about that, just check this out (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=809554#post809554). It will probably give you ideas for movies deserving to be posted here.

SkinnyGuy
10-28-2000, 04:18 PM
I don't know if it's the worst film I ever saw, but it's the worst one I saw today: Mission to Mars.

What a piece of crap. The plot has more holes in it than a hat full of assholes.

SPOILERS COMING UP RIGHT NOW!










We have a race, so technologically advanced that they can actually migrate to the stars, seed life on another planet, build something that lasts for over a BILLION years (they seeded single-cullular organisms, we evolved from that), but they can't stop some shitty meteor from hitting their planet? Puh-leaze.

Oh, and this benevolent, permanently smiling race made a puzzle for you to solve. If you get it wrong, THEY'LL KILL YOU!

A contrail in space? (Last scene.) What's the ship running on? Premium unleaded?

Air escapes into hard vacuum, and there are no ice crystals formed? We saw the Dr. Pepper escape.

Jerry O'Connel as an astronaut? Let's see. A Ph.D. in some technical area, professional pilot, train for astronaut, amass enough flight/space hours... His dad must have started training him while he was still in his scrotum.

And since we're discussing him: he hurts his hand (the palm), and the blood squirts out? This guy must be under a lot of pressure.

Oh, and Ennio Morricone (didn't know the guy was still alive) made the music. Yep. If I had closed my eyes, I could have sworn I was watching some montage footage of Once upon a time in the West and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Still, Connie Nielsen and Kim Delaney looked great, didn't they?

SkinnyGuy
10-28-2000, 04:21 PM
That must be single-cellular of course. Bit ticked off right now. Sorry. ;)

enilorac
10-28-2000, 07:48 PM
i was going to say Ninth Gate but then i remembered that dispicable move Scary Movie and that wins the prize in my book.

system_hoser
10-28-2000, 09:13 PM
Heart Like a Wheel, any version of Home Alone and its spin-offs, any movie that features highschool students, and any movie shown on Comedy Central.

tracer
10-28-2000, 11:54 PM
ricksummon wrote:

I, for one, can't wait to see D&D!

I can just hear the dialog now:

"Gadzooks! I rolled a 3 and missed him!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't understand your language. I only speak Common, Druidic, and Lawful-Neutral."

"Only half a pound of gold coins for a lantern? What a bargain!"

"Good thing this 90 pound suit of armor makes me such a difficult target to hit."

"We must kill all the kobold children! They aren't worth any experience points alive."

tracer
10-28-2000, 11:56 PM
Oh, and I forgot:

"Drat. I'll have to wait another minute before I can swing my sword at him again."

Show_Biz
10-29-2000, 10:30 AM
I hate any stage performance of a play on film.
Although Richard Burton's Hamlet is often seen on TV, along with other stage plays, like Dustin Hoffman's Death of a Salesman, it never ceases to amaze me that people watch them, except to see a celebrity. Certainly it is the worst possible way to see any play.

OrcaChow
10-29-2000, 02:54 PM
Originally posted by Show_Biz
I hate any stage performance of a play on film... like Dustin Hoffman's Death of a Salesman, it never ceases to amaze me that people watch them, except to see a celebrity. Certainly it is the worst possible way to see any play.

Maybe other plays, but I've gotta wholeheartedly disagree about this version of Death of a Salesman.

This was, IMO, one of the best things aired on TV in the last twenty years. It wasn't to see a celebrity, but to see an outstanding cast from top to bottom, excellent performances, and fabulous writing. The fact that this was taped on a stage not only didn't detract from the performance but maybe even magnified the experience. This production underscored (at least for me) the huge gap between what TV could be and what it usually is.

Being that most people can't get to a stage theater and see a once-in-a-lifetime production of Dustin Hoffmann, John Malkovich, Charles Durning and the rest, this is probably a great way to see a stage play.

pants_on_fire
10-29-2000, 09:58 PM
IMHO there are a lot more bad movies than good movies, so the list of very loathsome movies could be very long.

"Weekend at Bernie's" has to be on my list. I think because one of the people I was watching it with thought it was so incredibly funny and I was just sighing and rolling my eyes, waiting for it to be over. Have to put the "Home Alone" movies and just about all Mel Brooks films in the same category - that type of humor just doesn't do it for me, and the fact that most people I know seem to like these movies makes me dislike them even more. (maybe I'm mad that I don't get it?)

Technically speaking, "Event Horizon" has to be close to the top of the list. A bunch of incoherent gibberish.

Getting tired of all the Bond movies too. Give it a rest for a while.

I thought "Brazil" was hilarious.

HPL
10-25-2003, 06:47 PM
Originally posted by Shagnasty


The Blair Witch Project was plain awful. Not just awful in comparision to hype, but just plain suckulent. How do you get lost in the wildnerness of, oh where was it, oh yeah Maryland for days at a time? I thought that Maryland had some of the best wilderness rescue teams in the world because of the thousands of people that get lost in their vast acreage every year. I hear that parts of Maryland are so remote that you can hike for several hours without passing a single shopping mall.


That was kinda the point. They even said in the movie that the woods aren't big enough to get lost in, but they did anyway, despite walking in a single direction and following the stream for hours at a time. Like Time and space was all screwed up and they couldn't leave no matter what they tried.

I knew it was fake but felt it was a lot better then most modern horror movies.

mrsface
10-25-2003, 07:45 PM
Another vote for Gone With the Wind - for glamorising racism

And hasn't anyone mentioned Love Story? (pass the sickbag)


But how come the Blair Witch Project gets so many votes? I loved it and was genuinely scared, but perhaps I've led a sheltered life

Linguini
10-25-2003, 08:28 PM
Ha, Ha, Ha... funny thread! The wife and I turned off Nun's on the Run after 10 minutes. Most of our friends loved it. We liked Zoolander, they hated it. Most recently: Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Johnny Depp gets his eyeballs drilled out. The blood looks like candle wax and he isn't in any pain. The movie was sooo bad I forced myself to watch it to see if it could get any worse. It did.

CanvasShoes
10-25-2003, 09:37 PM
Scary Movie.

Vile, disGUSTING, putrid waste of film. It was so bad, I made the video store refund my money. The counter person had recommended it and said it was clean and funny.

It was neither, instead it was as if written by horny be-pimpled nasty 13 year old boys, using up all the most disgusting dirty jokes they could come up with.

CanvasShoes
10-25-2003, 10:16 PM
Almost forgot.

"As Good As it Gets". HORRIBLE movie, awful weird people. These are people you'd RUN from in real life. I spend 40 minutes waiting for it to get better (before I realized that the title MEANT it). Then I walked out.

I couldn't figure out why everyone loved it so much. When they asked at which point I walked out, and I told them, they'd say "ooooh, but that's where it gets REALLY GOOOD".

Wait...you mean to tell me, that out of an hour and a half minute movie, that if the first 40 minutes suck and the last 80 (that's an hour and a half right??:D), that that consitutes a "good" movie?

Sorry, I expect "good" movies to be good all the way through.

Qadgop the Mercotan
10-25-2003, 10:22 PM
Dungeons and Dragons. To think that JRRT could have contributed to the creation of this in any way is too painful to contemplate. But that would be like holding Alexander Graham Bell responsible for telemarketers.
Andy Warhol's "Bad". He got that one in one.
Nurse Betty. Get away from her you bitch!
Rocky & Bullwinkle. Ruined my memories of the Kurwood Derby, it did.
If you don't stop it you'll go blind. Too puerile for words.
Anyone else remember that one?

koeeoaddi
10-25-2003, 10:33 PM
My top three most hated movies:

Scarface - the very first movie I walked out of. I didn't make it past the chainsaw scene. Bleah.
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls - seen so long ago it's hard to remember exactly why I detested it, but I still feel vaguely ill trying to.
Starship Troopers* - vile, repulsive, idiotic crap.

Oh and RickJay, American Beauty didn't knock any of the top three off my list, but I hated it for all the reasons you mentioned.

*Billy Jack used to be #3, but after seeing it again last year I changed my mind. In fact, I recommend it. It's a laugh riot all the way through and would be the best MST3K ever. Fortunately Starship Troopers rushed in to fill the void.

LVBoPeep
10-25-2003, 10:53 PM
But the BBC Pride & Prejudice was significantly better than the Kate Winslet/Emma Thompson version (IMHO)...>>>Cranky

Just a minor correction- in all fairness Emma Thompson/Kate Winselt did Sense & Sensibility , not Pride & Prejudice- I do agree that the BBC P & P is very good, second in Jane Austen films only to the BBC production of Persuasion, but I'm prejudiced because I prefer both of those books to S & S (which I like as well, just not as much).

I can't believe there have been several mentions of Sean Connery in bad movies and no mention of First Knight. Horrible horrible horrible and not just because Richard Gere was in it.

and for love of God....

For Love of the Game - I think thats what it was called- the really really long baseball flick that cemented my loathing of Kevin Costner.

joyfool
10-25-2003, 11:41 PM
The Legend of Bagger Vance. Oh. My. God. Bad accents, horribly beneath himself acting from Mr. Smith and the boring-est and most clichéd story-line I've ever encountered in my life. This is the only movie that I could predict *every* line at least 20 minutes before it was said. Nothing redeemable here. If I NEVER see another movie with Charlize, no matter how gorgeous she is, it'll be too freakin' soon

El_Kabong
10-25-2003, 11:48 PM
Hmm, interesting thread, although in some cases the choices seem to say much more about people's being annoyed by having to think a little bit about what they are seeing rather than something inherently bad in the movies themselves. The first Batman? Brazil? Magnolia? Scarface? Starship Troopers? The Big Lebowski, fer cryin' out loud? Loved 'em all, to one degree or another. So sue me.

Hey, my sister says she thinks Citizen Kane was one of the worst films she'd ever seen, so there you go.

OTOH, all you folks who are hammering Joel Schumacher, Michael Bay and Kevin Costner, I'm witcha there. Shite-meisters beyond compare, all of them. And if I may, I'd like to throw Tony Scott (Top Gun, Days of Thunder, The Last Boy Scout, Beverly Hills Cop II and too many others to name) on the bonfire with 'em.

Gadfly
10-26-2003, 12:00 AM
The Big Lebowski

Huge steaming pile of fetid dingoes kidneys!

But one that has garnered an undeserved cult following. I can't for the life of me figure out why they enjoy this alarmingly pointless nonsense. It is shite of the highest degree, and anyone who says different immediately goes on my permanent blacklist. Okay?

Sign me the fuck up. I want to be on the blacklist of anyone who hates The Big Lebowski.

Drastic
10-26-2003, 12:21 AM
Blacklisted!

Or, I'll happily join that line queuing up to sign up for it.

One I haven't seen mentioned: Jeepers Creepers. Primarily because it had a twofold impact on me: the first punch was a friend convincing me to go see it with him, and instead of an enjoyably bad movie, seeing ismply an execrable one. The second punch came months later, when I found out about Victor Salva's history, at which I still feel irritated about contributing even a single ticket sale to his credit.

Blackdragon
10-26-2003, 12:24 AM
If I died and went to Hell, I think Satan would be running a marathon of Ghost Dog, Swimfan, A Man Apart, and Ghost Ship. I could go on, but I'm afraid of offending too many people. And, I do not think of myself as a movie snob. But, any flick that makes me think the $2.99 rental would be better spent on any form of torture, is just a very bad movie.

Crafter_Man
10-26-2003, 01:26 AM
Originally posted by Lazlo
What I think is the absolutely worst film of all times is Natural Born Killers. I didn't drive to it so I couldn't even walk out. Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggh. I wish Oliver Stone would've been killed after making Platoon so that we could've been spared this crap. Dammit, now I'm pissed thinking off thinking about it.
I couldn’t agree more. This is the only film I have walked out on.

Jervoise
10-26-2003, 01:59 AM
The people you guys are quoting may not reply, as they are no longer following this thread.

Why?

Because this thread is freakin' three years old!

DreadCthulhu
10-26-2003, 04:54 AM
Originally posted by Togepi no Miko
Event Horizon makes more sense if you are into Lovecraft.

No it doesn't.

Miss Mapp
10-26-2003, 06:22 AM
Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan
The BBC has done an excellent series of adaptations of Jane Austen's works. But I've liked some much better than others. One example: I liked the more recent Mansfield Park, which takes a few liberties, much better than the BBC version. I thought the casting of Fanny was simply off in the BBC version. I just couldn't stay interested in her fate. In the recent big-budget version? Loved that Fanny.

While I'm not a big fan of the BBC Mansfield Park, I don't like the recent film version. I don't mind changes to a story if it's in keeping with the spirit of the original novel, but I thought the actions of meek little book-verion Fanny required for the plot did not mesh well with the more modern and "wild" characterization of her presented in the film, and made her very uneven as a character. I also did not like Fanny's treatment of Henry Crawford--accepting him one day, and rejecting him the next. It put all my sympathy on his side.

But that's not the movie I loathe. The film I first thought of when I opened this thread was Bridget Jones' Diary. When this movie came out, 4 of my closest friends who know of my love for Jane Austen came up to me (at different times, not all in a bunch) and said things like, "Oh, you have to see this movie! You'll just love it! It's a modern version of Pride and Prejudice. It's even got Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy!"

Well, that does sound like something I'd enjoy. Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel, and I'd be interested in seeing a modern version. I liked Clueless. I like Colin Firth.

I hated this. Yes, it is P&P, if Elizabeth Bennett were a whiny, insecure 30-something who rejoices that her life has meaning now that she has a boyfriend. Yech. I so seriously disliked her that by the end I was really hoping that the poor modern-day Darcy wouldn't wind up with her.

Agrippina
10-26-2003, 07:31 AM
West Side Story: The only musical I hate more than this movie is Grease, but that movie has been mentioned before. I don't see why people love this movie. That it's like Romeo and Juliet? Then go see or watch Romeo and Juliet!

enipla
10-26-2003, 08:53 AM
Pearl Harbor.

Sappy, predictable 'love' story, with a war as a back drop.

howie1423
10-26-2003, 09:08 AM
by far the worst series of movies ever was the mighty ducks series. It's boring, generic, uncreative, and every time i so much as here about it i start to yell and curse about it. God damn it those movies pissed me off, they make ashamed to play hockey just because then i am somehow assiociated to that movie. I've played at the arena where they filmed it.....damnit i hate that rink.

Czarcasm
10-26-2003, 09:26 AM
Moving this to a forum that didn't exist when this thread was created-Cafe Society.

Zeldar
10-26-2003, 09:29 AM
Wow! I just looked at the 10-8 section of the OP and didn't see it's three years old!

Ukulele Ike
10-26-2003, 01:17 PM
I hardly ever walk out of movies, but I walked out of the 1978 Jill Clayburgh "classic" An Unmarried Woman.

A self-absorbed middle-aged woman's rich husband leaves her, so she leaves her huge Manhattan apartment and goes out and gets herself an even BETTER husband...independently wealthy SoHo arteeste Alan Bates, with an even COOLER Manhattan apartment!

Couldn't stand the character, couldn't stand the bullshit, stood up and left when Jill and her little daughter sat down at the grand piano and belted out "Maybe I'm Amazed" together.

....did I post this three years ago?

Lamia
10-26-2003, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by Ben
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "Thelma and Louise" or "Good Will Hunting." Not that I have a strong animus against either, but they are strong, strong candidates for the "everyone loved it but me" syndrome.

I did like Thelma & Louise, but Good Will Hunting...ugh.

I saw it at the dollar theater, and there was a group of people sitting behind me who all worked together and were seeing the movie because their boss, Bill (who was not present), had been raving about it. As the credits began to roll, I heard a voice behind me say "Well, that sucked." And then another, with heavy sarcasm, "Thanks a lot, Bill."

Pretty much sums it up for me too, except that I don't have Bill to blame.

I'll also take this opportunity to mention my vast hatred of Grease. It was reissued when I was in middle school, and for some reason was insanely popular with my classmates. I had to sit through the whole thing because it was the movie people voted to have shown at our middle school graduation party. What an obnoxious, sexist, poorly produced, worthless piece of garbage.

Oh, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show is meant to be bad. That's the whole point.

Ruiniform
10-26-2003, 02:52 PM
In recent days, Johnny English is the worst piece of crap I have ever seen. It is uncreative, unfunny, and really just a trainwreck. It's insanely boring (I was really hoping John Malkovich's character would just become the friggin' King of England so the movie would actually go somewhere) and needlessly digusting-- we get treated to, among other things, Rown Atkinson being completely drenched in human feces and an octogenarian's gratuitously bare rear end). Yick.

Also, I remember being bored out of my mind by What Dreams May Come. I don't even remember anything about it, except that it was mind-numbingly static. You'd think Heaven and Hell would be interesting.

skeptic_ev
10-26-2003, 02:59 PM
It's interesting to think about why we like/dislike certain movies. I noticed, for instance, that many people who didn't like The Blair Witch Project felt it didn't live up to the hype. I really didn't experience much of the hype--purposely--and it scared the pee out of me. I had to sleep with the lights on the night I watched it. Overhypeness dooms a flick, IMO.

Anyone have any movies you don't really like but are drawn to anyway? Nothing but Trouble, which someone mentioned in this post's first incarnation, is like that for me. It's a train wreck. I want to turn away, but I can't. This shames me.

My vote for bad movie: The 3D Nightmare on Elm Street movie. I saw it because it was 3D. Blech. I should've gone to the Englewood (a theatre in KC that shows old movies) and seen Creature from the Black Lagoon again.

Lisa-go-Blind
10-26-2003, 03:49 PM
Moulin Rouge! makes me angry. What a crappy, crappy movie. The visuals are nauseating. The story is cloying and unoriginal. The music was awful. And yet, everyone loves this movie. Why? For the love of God, WHY?

toque
10-26-2003, 06:07 PM
Has no one seen Swing Kids? Oh my fucking Christ, what an awful, offensive film.

But I liked The Big Lebowski, Blue Velvet, Ghost Dog, Mars Attacks, and Something About Mary, so what do I know.

Selkie
10-26-2003, 06:26 PM
It's a Wonderful Life. Seriously, I hate this film. I hate what it stands for. I hate that everyone gets sewy eyed just talking about it. Ewww...

Yookeroo
10-26-2003, 06:37 PM
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

bluecanary
10-26-2003, 07:05 PM
Rather like LaurAnge, the two movies I would have to be paid to sit through would be Dumb and Dumber and The Cable Guy. Awful.

Evil Captor
10-26-2003, 07:09 PM
Breaking the Waves -- the heroine goes through hell, but it's OK, because when she dies ... bells ring. There just aren't enough rolleyes in heaven or earth for this one.

well he's back
10-26-2003, 07:53 PM
While there are many movies I like that others hate (and vice versa) I loathe the movie versions of many musicals.
Musicals can be fun in their stage versions. The suspension of disbelief necessary for people to burst into song and dance works in a theatre where you already have suspension of disbelief - you can see the painted sets, etc. But the film versions invariably suck: West Side Story, South Pacific, The King and I, Carousel, Camelot. ALL SUCK. Just about every moment that's magic in the theatre gets ruined in the film. I especially loathed the movie version of Fiddler on the Roof, and I loved that musical.
About the only one that works is My Fair Lady, tho it's too long. And Mary Poppins works as a musical cause even tho it's a film it doesn't try to be "realistic".
Any other fans of musicals out there with opinions?

PS - Thumbs up to a previous poster who wrote:
"Dungeons and Dragons. To think that JRRT could have contributed to the creation of this in any way is too painful to contemplate. But that would be like holding Alexander Graham Bell responsible for telemarketers. " Indeed. Whether one loved reading LOTR or hated it, JRRT can't be held responsible for all the imitative dreck out there.

ricksummon
10-26-2003, 08:15 PM
If you look at the earlier pages of this thread, you'll see that I actually defended the Dungeons & Dragons movie. This was, of course, before I actually saw it. May the archons of the Seven Heavens forgive me for such a foolish sentiment. It's obvious that the guy who created the movie said, "Hey! Let's make a movie with a ton of dragons fighting each other at the end! That would be so cool! Now all we need is something to fill the other 70 minutes with!" This movie has as much to do with the real D&D as the movie House of the Dead has to do with the arcade game. There are absolutely no D&D spells and only one D&D monster which shows up for a grand total of 5 seconds. Compare this to Scourge of Worlds on DVD, which shows that a real D&D movie can be made. I mean, Scourge has a wizard using fireball, and the D&D movie doesn't! What more do I need to say?

(No, those magic blasts the wizards are using at the dragon battle aren't fireballs. And even if they were intended to be, what kind of genius-level archmage would actually use fire to attack a fire-breathing dragon?!)

ArrMatey!
10-26-2003, 08:18 PM
Dungeons and Dragons First move I ever came out of wanting to punch someone involved in the making of it. Any of them.

Blair Witch Project; Oddly, liked it until the last 2 minutes. I literally stood up from my chair and yelled, "WHAT THE F*CK?" I mean, I understand the 'nature' of the film, and I thought it was well done for what it was, but the ending? I like a story, thanks; not two hours of build up and then... Nothing. Whee. Lord, it makes me angry just thinking about it.

CloudCar
10-26-2003, 08:40 PM
Dungeons and Dragons was a horrible mess. I too had at least some sort of hope that it was going to have refrences to the actual game. I was sorely dissappointed. I was dissappointed by The Two Towers as well. Gollum/Smeaol sounded like Donald Duck. I am embarrassed to watch that film. It's not a bad movie by most standards but I guess I have more contempt for that piece of vapid drivel than any other movie ever.

Something About Mary takes a very very close second to The Two Towers.

MaxTheVool
10-27-2003, 02:41 AM
There's a difference between terrible movies, and movies I actively loathe. The worst movie I've ever seen is some combination of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Thomas and the Enchanted Railroad or The Quest starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

But I don't actively loathe them, I just look down on them, and warn my friends against seeing them.

Movies I loathe include...
-Movies that are pretentious, such as Benny and Joon and The Governess
-Movies that take a fantastic premise and destroy it, such as Sphere and Phenomenon
-Movise in which I used to identify with one or more of the characters, and then they acted in ways I wouldn't have, and thus I took the whole thing as personal insult. Namely Weird Science (which of course has plenty of other problems).

Oh, and I also despise with great passion all of the people on the anti-Titanic bandwagon. When it first came out, before anyone knew it was going to make a zillion dollars, it got fabulous reviews, and everyone who I talked to liked it. And then the backlash began. Grrrrr...

Miss Mapp
10-27-2003, 06:18 AM
I've got another one. The so-called Godzilla set in NY, the one with Matthew Broderick. I love a good (or bad in a goofy fun way) movie about a giant monster on a rampage. I had been so looking forward to this one, and it was such a disappointment on so many levels.

First off, the giant lizard in no way resembled Godzilla. It might better have been a remake of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.

Second, the whole ending was a Jurassic Park rip-off.

Finally, every one of the human characters was thoroughly unlikeable. I remember that I said to the friend I saw this with, just as we were leaving the theatre: "Given humanity as represented in this film, a world overrun by giant lizards really doesn't seem like such a terrible thing." The only truly wonderful moment for me was when the giant lizard picked up the taxi containing our heroes in its mouth. If the creature had swallowed them all whole, and the movie ended right there, I would have walked away a happier woman.

TNT or TBS--one of the Turner stations, whatever--was playing real Godzilla movies all that weekend, and when I got home after seeing this movie, I lay down on the sofa and watched men in cheesy rubber monster suits stomp on cardboard models of Tokoyo until I felt better.

BrainGlutton
10-27-2003, 01:04 PM
Posted by screech owl:

Free Willy and the sequels

[Personally, I was hoping the whale would accidently land on the kid during the big jump scene at the end, or at least knock him off the barrier. Would have improved the movie for me.]




D'oh! I don't like this new director's cut!

Lamia
10-27-2003, 01:44 PM
Originally posted by MaxTheVool

Movies I loathe include...
-Movies that are pretentious, such as Benny and Joon and The Governess


The Governess falls into a strange, small category of bad movies that I think of as "period pieces in which Jonathan Rhys Meyers is required to take his trousers off".

I've got nothing against period pieces or Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and I do not object in principle to nudity in films. Theoretically, one should be able to make a perfectly good movie containing all of these elements. However, in practice it only appears to happen in projects where midway through production someone realized two things:

1. This movie is dull, pretentious, and confusing, and none of the characters are particularly likeable.

2. No one actually watches period pieces except lonely old broads and maybe a couple of gay guys, right?

So the obvious solution is to have Jonathan Rhys Meyers (who always seems to get cast in these things) take one for the team. If the movie is really boring, they'll find some excuse to have him not only naked, but wet too. This is at least a change of pace from bad period pieces in which some poor actress gets her bodice ripped open, but I hope someday people will learn that if your movie is tedious then just adding a few seconds of gratuitous T and/or A really does surprisingly little to liven things up.

SkipMagic
10-27-2003, 02:43 PM
The only movie I have ever stopped watching just so I could fast forward it and get to the end was: Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000. To be fair, though, I expected it to be bad--which is why I rented it. But really... that bad?

Pure drivel. Only slightly less appaling is any Farrelly brothers' movie; most significantly, Kingpin.

Titanic, of course, rates up there (or down there).

happytrails
10-27-2003, 06:39 PM
Freddy Got Fingered
Outbreak

Lisa-go-Blind
10-27-2003, 07:24 PM
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
Movies I loathe include...
-Movies that are pretentious, such as Benny and Joon

How is Benny and Joon pretentious? :confused:

Hampshire
10-28-2003, 09:33 AM
"Matrix Reloaded" sucked out loud.
I went for the F/X and thats about all I got. The storyline has gotten so lame they just put twists in it so it can have more twists and they've confused themselves in the process. "Hey, it's a Matrix inside a matrix inside another matrix!"
If you heard someone groaning at the on screen prophecising that was me. "Every beginning must have an end, you're here because your not somewhere else, what's not real you ask? well you should be asking what isn't not real" my eyes still hurt from rolling them so hard. I think the fans of the movie feel "hey, I can't figure out what they said, so it must be pretty deep man."
And still they attempt to put this love story in the movie with two of the stiffest, boring, cardboard characters nobody cares about.
Does anybody care if all the people who like to go to underground raves die??

well he's back
10-28-2003, 10:23 AM
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
Movies I loathe include...
-Movies that are pretentious, such as Benny and Joon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



How is Benny and Joon pretentious?

Last comment is from member Lisa-Go-Blind, and I completely agree with her.
Benny & Joon wasn't pretentious; Eyes Wide Shut defines pretentious.

MaxTheVool
10-28-2003, 12:36 PM
Originally posted by well he's back
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
Movies I loathe include...
-Movies that are pretentious, such as Benny and Joon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



How is Benny and Joon pretentious?

Last comment is from member Lisa-Go-Blind, and I completely agree with her.
Benny & Joon wasn't pretentious; Eyes Wide Shut defines pretentious.

Disclaimer: I saw Benny and Joon in the theatres when it came out, and haven't seen it since. So my memory of it is not the clearest.

It's not pretentious in the Eyes Wide Shut fashion of trying to have some Deep Artistic Meaning. It's pretentious (as I recall) in the "oh how cutesy" fashion. If memory serves, the female lead, played by Mary Stuart Masterson, is supposedly mentally ill in some way. But how does this mental illness express itself? In the cutest possible fashion. She tries to stop cars with a pingpong paddle! She wears a snorkel mask outside! Awwwwwww. How sweet. Why, mentally ill people aren't a danger to themselves or others. They're just adorable!

Mazikeen
10-28-2003, 01:08 PM
I actually thought The Blair Witch Project was pretty good. It scared me, anyway. Then again, I'm pretty easy to spook.

As for films I actively dislike, well, I try to blot most of them from my memory, but here are a few:

Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber : I'm not much of a Jim Carrey fan in general, and these two duds are part of the reason why. I never got why people I knew found them some funny.

Star Wars Episode 1 : Ruined the Star Wars franchise for me. I couldn't decide who I wanted to strangle more: Jar-Jar Binks or Wunderkid Anakin.

Baseketball : 'Nuff said.

Nurse Betty : Not even Morgan Freeman, an actor whom I greatly admire, could save this turkey.

Scary Movie 1 and 2 : And now they have a third installment coming out...please make it stop.

Grease : I used to like this movie was younger, but after recently viewing it with some friends, I realized "Wow, this really sucks!"

This is just a small list of my least favorites. I would include some of the awful eighties teen flicks I've seen on Comedy Central (like the one where Scott Baio plays a nerdy guy who invents some kind of potion that gives him super powers and grows marijuana in the school chem lab), but I don't remember the titles. Probably just as well.

CalMeacham
10-28-2003, 01:25 PM
First off, the giant lizard in no way resembled Godzilla. It might better have been a remake of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.



It was a remake of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms. I've been saying that since the damned thing came out. Giant reptilian thing goes to New York City to spawn in both versions. Unbelievably, the military loses track of a giant monster in NYC in both versions. Unbelievable. Creature gets torpedoed in a NTC landmark at the end (Coney Island Roller Coaster or Brooklyn Bridge).

I think the similarities were deliberate. The filmmakers are more sf-literate than they let on (hey, look at all the inside jokes in Independence Day. And who but SF fans would even try to make a movie out of Martians, Go Home!?). Which makes it all the worse when they screw up and go for the lowest common denominator.

Intaglio
10-28-2003, 01:51 PM
I hate any movie with Martin Lawrence in it's cast, whether he is starring or supporting.

Big Momma's House
Bad Boys and BB2
Black Knight
etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,

Why does Hollywood let that guy make movie, he is just plain awful.

I also concur with Batman and Robin as one of the Worst Movies.

The premise was bad, casting bad, Arnold as Mr. Freeze, Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl who she is Alfred's niece, no the Batgirl I know is Commissioner Gordon's daughter. And they put the rift between Batman and Robin way too soon, who is Robin now suddenly Nightwing? The only thing that was anything good was Poison Ivy. And why have Bane in it anyway, 2 villians is enough, 3 is just overkill.

Intaglio
10-28-2003, 01:53 PM
Oh, I too hate the Austin Powers movies.

And hated The Grinch, so I will probably hate The Cat In The Hat.

Lamia
10-28-2003, 02:14 PM
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
Disclaimer: I saw Benny and Joon in the theatres when it came out, and haven't seen it since. So my memory of it is not the clearest.

It's not pretentious in the Eyes Wide Shut fashion of trying to have some Deep Artistic Meaning. It's pretentious (as I recall) in the "oh how cutesy" fashion. If memory serves, the female lead, played by Mary Stuart Masterson, is supposedly mentally ill in some way. But how does this mental illness express itself? In the cutest possible fashion. She tries to stop cars with a pingpong paddle! She wears a snorkel mask outside! Awwwwwww. How sweet. Why, mentally ill people aren't a danger to themselves or others. They're just adorable!

That's just the beginning of the movie, though. Later in the film we see Masterson behaving in a more disturbing manner, and there's an important scene in which she suffers a terrified and terrifying fit while riding a bus with her boyfriend. She is taken to a mental hospital, and, doubting her own ability to get by in the outside world, she refuses to go with her brother when he comes to take her home. She eventually decides to leave the hospital and move in with her boyfriend, but while the film ends on a postive note there's no suggestion that she's been miraculously cured or that her new life will be easy.

lisacurl
10-28-2003, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan
But the BBC Pride & Prejudice was significantly better than the Kate Winslet/Emma Thompson version (IMHO)... Kate Winslet and Emma Thompson were in Sense and Sensibility, not Pride and Prejudice.

I'm fairly certain that there hasn't been a theatrical movie of P&P since the 1940 version starring Greer Garson. There have been several television productions, though, of which the BBC's 1995 version with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth is the most recent and well-known.

well he's back
10-28-2003, 03:23 PM
Someone's post reminded me: I Loathe, Hate AND Despise Ron Howard's despicable rendition of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Horrid. Lovely book, totally obliterated in his version. Yucky, horrid, horrible, truly VILE.


some interesting stuff in this thread whether I agree with it (another thumbs down for Best Friend's Wedding) or not (don't quite know why previous poster disliked Two Towers; not as good as FOTR, but not sure why they thought it loathe-able).

oh, and good points regarding Benny & Joon, Lamia

jsc1953
10-28-2003, 03:38 PM
Dusting off all previous rants I've made on this topic...


Face/Off. Not a movie with a plot hole -- it's a plot hole with thin threads of movie across it. Set pieces in search of a story. Annoying people doing stupid things because they look good (or, John Woo thinks they look good) on screen.

First Knight OK, there is no definitive version of the Arthurian legend, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. And Arthur being executed by a firing squad is about 80 miles over that line.

Runaway Bride Manipulative, calculating, cold. That it's categorized as "romantic comedy" is an insult to anyone who's ever laughed or been in love. And full of product placement, to boot.

Aminal
10-28-2003, 04:01 PM
Has anybody mentioned Gymkata yet?

Let the games begin!


At least the music was good in Eyes Wide Shut .

Superdude
10-28-2003, 07:16 PM
One of two movies that I have ever walked out on:

Tank Girl. I went to see this coagulated bit of goat-cum at a dollar night at the local theater. And walked out, demanding my money back. In fact, it was so bad, I left during the gratuitous nude scene, which is 100% unlike me.

As a matter of principle, I try to avoid ANYTHING with Nicolas Cage in it. However, even that did not prepare me for It Could Happen to You. Um...no, it couldn't.

I've noticed some Jim Carrey backlash here, but I'm surprised that no one's mentioned The Mask. Another $1 night, another refund. But I stayed for the whole thing that time. Mostly because of Cameron Diaz.

bagkitty
10-28-2003, 09:31 PM
I dutifully read through what has been posted, and was shocked that no one has mentionned the movie that they show on flights to hell: Philapdelphia. Of course if strong headwinds on the flight are encountered, they also show The Color Purple.

They make me gag, they make me wanted to poke out the directors/producers eyes... they are so f***ing condescending... hell, I would prefer sitting through an overtly homophobic rant than these two turkeys

Superdude
10-28-2003, 09:41 PM
Originally posted by Gadfly
Sign me the fuck up. I want to be on the blacklist of anyone who hates The Big Lebowski.

Good. At least I'll have company.