I get paid more, now that I'm an AssMan

[BraheSilver]

I've been fairly quiet here on the boards as of late, and part of that is due to working diligently at my job for long hours (until the traffic goes away, anyway - which can take a while), then coming home and being too sick of typing all day to log onto the Dope. No good deed goes unpunished, and I'm now an Assistant Manager! Yay!

The previous people at this position had this as their business cards:

[Name]
Ass. Man.
[Company]

This looks more like a very terse description than a job title. No, I'm going to go whole hog and just be an AssMan. I've already got more perks: a bigger desk, with real drawers that open and close for all my needs. A cubicle to hide my magnificence from prying eyes while I work (really, one wall, a desk division, and a partition stolen from elsewhere around the office that threatens to fall over when people walk by). A phone, with my own extension (still labeled in the directory as the previous occupant of the cubicle, but we have the same first name so it all works out). Gravity provided free of charge, so all my pens and cables don't float away. All the air I can breathe. A clear space in front of my monitor for action figures, so Dante can ride the Aflac duck into battle against the Alteisen for my amusement! A healthy bonus to my paycheck! And, finally, a place on the company org. chart that grants me dictatorship over the peons below me! Bwa ha ha!

Things are definitely looking up, but I'm not one to wallow in self-glory. Tell me, what kinds of unimportant perks do you get at your place of business?

[Auntbeast]

unlimited coffee.

It's even halfway decent coffee.

We get treated like crap a lot. That seems to be the major perk.

[brendon_small]

Free breakfast foods. I work nights at a hotel and set out breakfast in the morning. It's usually sausage gravy and biscuits. I thought I wouldn't be allowed to have any, but a few weeks back my manager (the GM-guy) started coming in and eating in the mornings. He would ask if I had ate - if I said no, he fixed me a plate. Incredibly nice thing for him to do that day. Our owner came in a week later. Same deal pretty much. Said that it was a good thing for us to sit down and eat with guests if we weren't busy - that it made us friendlier.

Also, GM got me a new wireless router for work so I could use my laptop instead of our company's desktop for the internet. It serves a few other purposes, but he was running wires until I asked about wireless.

And they are working on taking out the 30" television that is out for employees to watch and replacing it with a nice HDTV set in the lobby that we can watch. He said that it would be big enough for us to see from the desk (I would hope, at 20 ft.) and we could use a better looking lobby. I won't complain about that.

Of course, I did fill out a few application recently. Not because I dislike this job, but because I am looking at similar jobs that pay more. I can't turn down more money for a job I don't have much chance of advancement at anymore (GM wanted to train me to do GM-stuff, then transfer me when I graduated college, but he is moving to North Carolina at the end of July to start a new job and I can't blame him, but my training chance is going with him...)

Brendon Small

[FairyChatMom]

Perks? um, indoor plumbing??

I work for the gummint, so perks, in theory, do not exist. However, we do have a couple of good deals.
*Flex hours - I do 6-2 so I get pick of the best parking and I get to go home while the day is young.
*Health and Wellness - we get up to 3 hours a week, no more than one hour a day, on the clock to get some exercise. We've got a gym of sorts, so I can climb on a treadmill and clear my brain for a short time.
*Credit hours - we can accumulate and use up to 24 hours, so if I have to stay late for stoopit meetings, I can use the accumulated hours to bug out early for the weekend if I want.
*Back to the indoor plumbing - we have pretty nice shower facilities that go along with the Health and Wellness bennie.
*Lockers in each cube - I've got a place to tuck away my emergency umbrella, a jacket (I'm always cold in the office), my snack stash (OK, so it's some tea bags and artificial sweetener), my little lunch cooler and my purse. It's so much nicer than trying to cram personal stuff into a cramped desk drawer. Up till this minute, I didn't think of it as a perk.
Best of all, not a perk, but I can retire in Jan 2010 - and I'm counting the days

[Surly Chick]

I get free housing! Of course, most of my free housing has been in really crappy countries where you can't drink the water and the power comes from giant, noisy generators but, hey, it's free. And right now I have really nice, free housing in a nice country. Yay me!

[Kalhoun]

My company pays for my internet connection and my phone. Gotta love that!

[fluiddruid]

One of the things that I like about my company is all the "little perks". They really go out of their way to be nice. And by nice, I mean completely fucking awesome in every way.

- Free sodas and bottled beverages, coffee, tea, hot chocolate and popcorn. They ask new people what soda they like so they can stock it, and it's an impressive selection.

- Free CostCo/Sam's memberships.

- Paid half of gym membership.

- Assigned parking spot (even though said parking spot has, like, 15 spaces. I don't totally understand that one).

- Recreational Internet use is allowed with pretty much no restrictions (I've seen people go to NSFW sites, it's no big deal, we're adults. Nobody pushes the limit by watching porn or something.)

- Video games in the breakroom.

- Use of the scanner/copier/mailroom services.

- Free lunch on Fridays, nice lunch from the restaurant of employee's choice on birthdays.

- Wicked parties. So far we've had open bar all the time too.

- A couple 'flex' days a year where you get a half day that doesn't count against PTO.

- Other random perks once in awhile, like food, surprises, getting offered free equipment and furniture occasionally.

I love my freaking job. Compare to my last job, the perks were:

- ...um, I got flowers once on my birthday (was there for 4.5 years).

- A really lame Christmas party for management only. They wouldn't even order food, a manager's wife cooked until he got fired, it was casseroles and jello dessert type food. It was during the workday at least but was scheduled for 1.5 hrs, at which point you were pretty much told GTFO, and shooed back to your desk. Joy.

- Occasional food. Most memorable was the time we had meat, bread, and ketchup and mustard provided for "sandwich day". No mayo, cheese, or anything else. Everything was cheap generic. We have several vegetarians (self included) who had nothing to eat, despite being told not to bring food that day. Oh, and once we had "sundae day" which was a scoop of the cheapest possible ice cream. No toppings. Both times, management (self included) was required to sit with the items to make sure nobody got more than one sandwich or scoop of ice cream.

- Free products from our project. But then again the client paid for those.

[Mama Tiger]

I'm self-employed, so I guess my biggest perks are being able to work in my PJs all day if I want, and being able to surf the net any time I want without anyone complaining. :D

[GawnFishin']

I think I have a great job I work ninety percent of the time in the bush working on forest management research. As such I am normally working alone. Greatest perk, I don't have to deal with people. That and I'm pretty much my own boss in as much as, so long as the job gets done I'm not listening to anyone complain. After 16 years of help desk and technical support, not having to deal with people is a huge bonus.

[Gukumatz]

One of the things that I like about my company is all the "little perks". They really go out of their way to be nice. And by nice, I mean completely fucking awesome in every way.

- Free sodas and bottled beverages, coffee, tea, hot chocolate and popcorn. They ask new people what soda they like so they can stock it, and it's an impressive selection.

- Free CostCo/Sam's memberships.

- Paid half of gym membership.

- Assigned parking spot (even though said parking spot has, like, 15 spaces. I don't totally understand that one).

- Recreational Internet use is allowed with pretty much no restrictions (I've seen people go to NSFW sites, it's no big deal, we're adults. Nobody pushes the limit by watching porn or something.)

- Video games in the breakroom.

- Use of the scanner/copier/mailroom services.

- Free lunch on Fridays, nice lunch from the restaurant of employee's choice on birthdays.

- Wicked parties. So far we've had open bar all the time too.

- A couple 'flex' days a year where you get a half day that doesn't count against PTO.

- Other random perks once in awhile, like food, surprises, getting offered free equipment and furniture occasionally.


:eek:

So, umm, how YOU doin'? and where do you work and who do I have to kill to get a job there?

[Mindfield]

Not many perks at my job. Free coffee and dealer cost on stuff, most of which I'll never need. I do get unlimited web surfing though.

[Omegaman]

Things are definitely looking up, but I'm not one to wallow in self-glory. Tell me, what kinds of unimportant perks do you get at your place of business?

Well, Sir, your post has caused me to cackle like a rooster at sunrise. This is one of the funniest things I have read in quite some time. As a fellow Ass Man I felt it my duty in the very least to let you know that you , Sir , are a funny individual of the highest caliber. The aflac duck comment brought me much joy I must confide in you. I wish that I had a list like Fluiddruid to share but my job is pretty much work , work , work all day long one of the greatest perks is that they allow me to peruse this board when I'm not servicing our customers at pretty much my leisure. Be sure the customers come first, but , Sir , your posts are just the reasons I come here . I do get to inspect and drive the newest and finest vehicles Dodge releases for sale and I must tell you that can be quite fun sometimes. Don't think I would abuse any of the vehicles as they are not mine and I take only premium care of own and my wifes and family's vehicles. I thought it least worth sharing with you , however . Most of what I must do at my job is more of a boss like nature , making sure everyone is about their jobs but be sure I do so with a very fair hand and a sense of humor not unlike yours. I and most of my employees enjoy my sense of humor except those who I don't joke with and it's only because they are reticent to do their jobs without my constant supervision. In any case you have a great day .

[Johnny L.A.]

When I read the title I thought you worked here (http://www.assmannusa.com/).

Where I used to worked one of the sales guys had some interestingly-named accounts: Seattle House Of Hose, Nicewonger, and Assmann Electronics. I asked him how to pronounce 'Assmann', assuming it was something like 'Ahs-mahn' (i.e., German pronunciation). He, a gay guy, answered in a very camp accent 'ASS-Man!'

[appleciders]

Free tickets here (osfashland.org). Top that!

Also, uneaten and undrunk(?) food and beverages from the concessions stand. And tips, but not much of that. Oh, and 5-15% discounts at most restaurants and many stores in town.

[Hello Again]

I had two totally awesome perks and my old job
1)all the free books I wanted. Heck I could call up a published and ask "can I have all the previous novels by X?" Woot!
2) On my pay stub, it described by job location as "Internet HO." This was supposed to signify "Home Office - Internet Division" but it was pretty awesome.

[BrassyPhrase]

I work for a large Southern Company that is often excoriated for its health insurance.


One thing I found out from a coworker? The company pays 100% for transplants. Her husband got two, yes TWO. Did you know you could get two? I didn't. Liver transplants b/c he had hep C.

Liver. Transplants. I'm going to work there forever, just in case.

[Mighty_Girl]

Self-employed. Best job ever.

[dogbutler]

I only get charged a dollar for any item I buy at work.*














*I work at Dollar Tree

[Boyo Jim]

Lots of free food and drink left untouched from catering orders.

Whatever office background music I want.

[fishbicycle]

We have a monthly staff meeting with a catered lunch, and it's always something good, often frou-frou food from a place none of us would normally patronize. It always includes a birthday cake with the names of those celebrating that month. Occasionally we hear over the paging system that there's free food in the other conference room, leftover from someone else's staff meeting. The Coke bottler just put up the price of cans in our machine to 80 cents, so sales dropped off to nil, and the company installed a water cooler.

I can use the web on my desk computer, although it's restricted for security purposes on other machines, and I can play with all the millions of dollars' worth of electronic equipment I wish. Occasionally, a record company will send us a promo CD of something new, but we're not a rock music station, so we can have them if we want them. For instance, I got the super-deluxe gatefold limited edition of Bruce Springsteen's "We Shall Overcome" with the extra tracks and the bonus DVD, for free!

[Bobotheoptimist]

The one thing I miss about that IT gig in Boulder is perks similar to fluiddruid... Put on 10 pounds at that place with all the free food. I'd bring my lunch maybe once a week, and that would usually sit in the fridge for a couple days. There was bagels, bread, peanut butter or that chocolate-hazelnut stuff (Nutella?), assorted cereals with regular or soy milk, cereal bars, a wide selection of snack stuff, cup of noodles, fresh fruit, catered food or pizza showed up frequently.
They bought a couple bicycles for anyone that wanted to go for a ride over lunch. The remote data center was stocked with Red Bull, jerky, and packets of cookies for those 2:00AM visits. I can't even remember all the gym memberships & pet health insurance type things they offered.
Obviously a private company, seems to be the first thing to go in public companies.

Current place buys donuts on Friday and cheap beer once a month

[ZebraShaSha]

Cook outs every other Friday, often free pizza/ice cream sandwhiches. I work full time with a ridiculous hourly wage for my experience/age. Get to fix/play with all the multi-million dollar clean room machines. If I wanted to, I could wander around all day and do nothing, but I prefer to do whatever strikes my fancy. I have bosses, but they don't care, because Georgia Tech has infinite money for the cleanroom.

[fluiddruid]

Obviously a private company, seems to be the first thing to go in public companies.Yep, mine's a private company. Funnily enough, the dozen employees we have now do more work and have more responsibilities than double the employees at my last job; those perks bring in the good people. Funny how corporations don't understand that you get what you pay for.

[Man With a Cat]

- Free admission to any HS sporting event in roughly a 20 mile radius.
- I have a total of 49 paid days a year I can take off, 19 of which I HAVE to take or lose. 5 of which each year, I can cash in in June, and Sick days roll over forever, so in theory, when I get 19 years in, I can take a year at sick pay, and have a retirement date a year in the future, then collect on my fairly generous pension.
- This laptop, which is my work computer and I use personally. So long as anything I install that screws with it, I pay to get fixed, it's mine. And when I need it upgraded, they do that too.

[Bobotheoptimist]

Yep, mine's a private company. Funnily enough, the dozen employees we have now do more work and have more responsibilities than double the employees at my last job; those perks bring in the good people. Funny how corporations don't understand that you get what you pay for.Watched my current company go public, it's painful to reflect on how cool this place used to be. An encouraged question at any and all team meetings when the president announced Q&A was "where's the beer". This signaled it was time for him to shut up and start drinking. It was good beer, too. The cheapest was Flat Tire, and since he was Irish there was alway Guinness to be had. We once had a Dodge Viper as the company car - do good and you got to take it for a week. After it got destroyed, they got all cheap on us and downgraded to a Corvette.

Now we have donuts.

[Spezza]

My perks? Well, I work at a furniture store so...

Solid-wood furniture at near cost.

They'll sell me a mattress at cost.

I get random bonuses of several hundred dollars ever other month. (Probably adds about 10%-20% to my salary.)

Free use of a large truck when I move in September.

and

They just offered to purchase my engagement ring.

Working for Christians is working out well for me.

[Missy2U]

Extremely flexible hours
They're paying for college - 100%
Computer and printer at home (printer don't work but it looks pretty on the table)

[Only Mostly Dead]

Company car with (effectively) unlimited personal use and a gas card that picks up the full cost. I haven't paid for gas in the past two years.

Team meetings/parties out about once or twice per month at various restaurants in the DC area. Usually all food and drink is covered.

$100 monthly telecommunications reimbursement. Between a landline phone, cellphone, and high speed internet, I always spend more than $100, but it's a nice subsidy.

Full DC Metro fare and parking reimbursement. In fact, full parking reimbursement for all business use.

I just discovered that in MD, State Worker's Compensation will pay 66% of your average salary on anything more than three days off, but my company will pay 75% from the very first day off. (Still have to file with the state, and get their 66%, but then my company will get the last 9%).

That's the bulk of it. The gas card is really the big one.

[ladybug]

My company started a conference division not too long ago, so I get free CLE courses. It's a pretty good deal when you consider that an 8-hour course typically costs at least $135.

[Whiteknight]

I get:

-Flexible hours, I usually work 6:30-3 and if you want to leave early one day you can just make up those hours over the course of the week.

-Occasional leftover food

-A reasonably spacious cube

-Annual crab feast and holiday party

-Per diem when traveling

-Free coffee, though I don't drink it

[Nava]

A clear space in front of my monitor for action figures, so Dante can ride the Aflac duck into battle against the Alteisen for my amusement!

This line dedicated to the Doper who thought plush dolls at work were unprofessional :D


I get... what do I get? Ah, yes, free water, your choice of "gas", "half gas" or "flat." WCs with no grafitti (and in one stall, with no lid as well). A large desk. Three drawers (apparently I'm the only person here who can turn that key, too, so in theory I could even leave it in the hole). A large company calendar which I took from another empty desk. Stairs which some coworkers complain are too hard, so either said coworkers are in lousy shape or the stairs count as exercise.

Right now my badge isn't working, so I get two badges (the one with my pic and the one that says visitor) plus instead of being greeted by a blue light on a gizmo on the wall, which goes off so fast you barely have time to grab a bottle of water and open the door, I've been greeted by coworkers a lot (until I got the visitor badge).

[Triskadecamus]

I get greeted three or four times on my way in from the parking lot every day by exclamations of joy, and hugs, occasionally kisses.

The soda machine is only fifty cents.

Free fresh basil. (in season.)

Thirteen paid holidays per year, but I have to work that day, usually. I get compensatory leave.

Thirty days a year of annual leave. (That's a total of 43 days a year, which I can barely take, so I have hundreds of hours accumulated.)

Fifteen days a year of sick leave. ( And since I seldom get sick, I have many hundreds of hours of that accumulated as well.)

Hmmmmm. Maybe that explains the joyful greeting thing. :)

Tris

[Dinsdale]

-a private office with a door that closes;
-a wall of windows with a view of the lake;
-several incompetent co-workers who make me look great by comparison;
-a boss who appreciates that I handle my caseload on my own with no supervision (as well as cleaning up messes created by the aforementioned co-workers) and therefore pretty much leaves me alone.

[Zyada]

I work at the corporate HQ for a large arts & crafts chain. We get a lot of stuff, buyer's samples and such, that would be more work that it is worth to try to sell at a store. So every few weeks, an employee volunteer group throws all of the stuff into one of our warehouses and sells it for ten bucks a bag. A very large bag.

The money goes to charity, and we get some really good stuff for really cheap.