Public Service Rant

[danceswithcats]

Perhaps this has been done before, and if you're not a guilty party, kindly disregard, thanks.

Today's activities included a trip to the parcel store where I drop off items sold on eBay for FedEx shipping. I parked in the lot and carried a few large boxes, one at a time, into the store, waved to the counter folks, and headed out the door. At this point, I observed Fuck McTard parking in the FIRE LANE before entering the same store to stand in line with a few items no larger than a shoebox. Although he looked to be at least 20 years my junior, I guess he couldn't manage the 30' walk from proper parking spaces.

At my next stop, I park in the mostly empty parking lot and walk past an idling, empty Acura, again located in the FIRE LANE. Inside the store is a dimwitted bitch who thinks rules don't apply to her, completing her oh-so-important transaction.

For the sake of review, here are the rules:
You may park in a FIRE LANE if you are
1. Fire apparatus, including engines, trucks, Chief's cars, and so forth
2. EMS equipment-ambulances and such
3. Police cruisers, marked and unmarked
the above three predicated on being at that occupancy for official business-not picking up your lunch, shopping there, or other unofficial bullshit. If you're doing that, stop it! You're a fuckwit who makes the rest of us in emergency services look bad.

If you're a member of the general public, it's fine to pause in a fire lane to drop off or pick up 1 or more passengers. Unless it's posted as a loading zone, don't use it as such. Additional do nots include
1. Waiting for someone while they shop
2. Sleeping
3. Reading
4. Repairing your car
5. Just running in for one thing
6. Just running in for a minute
7. Just thinking you're better than everyone else

If you do any of the above, Fuck You! Fuck you in the asshole with dried corncobs! This self-entitlement makes my anger blaze with the heat of a turpentine enema! I don't give a flying fuck if you're young, old, rich, poor, skinny, fat, male, female, GLBT, black, white, or motherfucking paisley- park your goddamned shitmobile in the proper fucking space and walk to the goddamned store like you should have been taught. If your parents were too dismally stupid to teach you that, then fuck them, too.

If you disagree with my thesis, then I pray your dog vomits something nasty and staining on your new berber carpeting, paranormal forces bend all of your teaspoons, wild pigs empty their bowels into your chest of drawers, and your significant other leaves you to join the circus, along with posting your private video on YouTube, such that you become the subject of derision at your workplace.

*whew* That felt good! :D

The preceding is a public service rant. Please don't behave like an asshole, e.g. you're better than everyone else, and the world will be a slightly better place. Thank you.

[D_Odds]

It's been done before, but it is one of those rants that needs an annual refreshing.

[Billdo]

A question for the public service ranter:

I always understood (at least in New York) that you could "stand" in fire lanes, that is to say stop the car and wait with the driver in it (or immediately adjacent to it), so that if the emergency vehicles showed up you could immediately drive out of the way. Similarly, you can "stand" in front of hydrants. Just this weekend, I did this while my passenger ran into a store for a couple of minutes.

Does your rant extend to those of us who "stand" in fire lanes, ready to immediately vacate the area for emergency vehicles?

[Lord Ashtar]

It's still okay to park in the FIRE LANE if I turn my hazard lights on, right?

[gazpacho]

It's still okay to park in the FIRE LANE if I turn my hazard lights on, right?No. The proper use of hazards is to just pull up next to the parked cars so that you are slightly out of the main lane but not usefully out of the main lane and dash in to make your delivery.

[Anne Neville]

Don't use the handicapped spaces for such purposes, either. If there is any justice in the universe, people who abuse handicapped parking spaces will someday get some horrible disease or injury such that they really need those spaces.

Likewise, people who abuse fire lanes will have their car or house catch on fire and the fire department not be able to get to it because the fire lane is blocked, in addition to all the other things the OP mentioned happening to them.

[cher3]

But FedEx trucks are emergency vehicles, right? At least they seem to think so around here.

[Risha]

I'm terribly sorry. I missed the entire second half of your (I'm sure accurate and worthy) rant because my brain was busy replaying Airplane.

Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

[gotpasswords]

Just playing devil's advocate here - are these marked fire lanes, or are these unmarked / virtual / defacto / everyone knows it's a fire lane even though there's no signs or red markings on the curb / super-secret fire lanes?

Only wondering as some places have plainly marked fire lanes with signs, red curbs and pavement hatching, and other places have no markings of any sort, apparently trusting people not to park there and clog up the whole parking lot.

[danceswithcats]

A question for the public service ranter:

I always understood (at least in New York) that you could "stand" in fire lanes, that is to say stop the car and wait with the driver in it (or immediately adjacent to it), so that if the emergency vehicles showed up you could immediately drive out of the way. Similarly, you can "stand" in front of hydrants. Just this weekend, I did this while my passenger ran into a store for a couple of minutes.

Does your rant extend to those of us who "stand" in fire lanes, ready to immediately vacate the area for emergency vehicles?
A fair question, Sir. My home state is Pennsylvania.
Title 75 PA C.S., Chapter 33, Subchapter E (Stopping, standing and parking)
§3353. Prohibitions in specific places
(a) GENERAL RULE. -- Except when necessary to avoid conflict with other traffic or to protect the safety of any person or vehicle or in compliance with law of the directions of a police officer or official traffic-control device, no person shall:
(1) Stop, stand or park a vehicle:
(B) Standing or parking for the purpose of loading or unloading persons or property may be authorized by local ordinance, but the ordianance shall not authorize standing or parking... {not relevant}
(x) At any place where official signs prohibit stopping
(2) Stand or park a vehicle:
(viii) At any place where official signs prohibit standing.

Italicized for emphasis.

Being ready to immediately vacate the fire lane is a great concept, but having witnessed firsthand what occurs when I roll up in response to an automatic or manual fire alarm at a mercantile occupancy, the vehicle operators typically freeze and return a deer-in-the-headlights look, not knowing whether to shit themselves or wind their watch.

In such a situation, pedestrians are *hopefully, but not likely* auto-evacuating the structure, and they don't need vehicles sitting in the fire lane which impede their egress.

Logically, you're sitting in or standing by your vehicle. Are you going to hear the building alarm system? Summertime-windows up, A/C on, chatting on your cell phone while your friend shops?

Next thing you know, two engines, a truck, a Chief, and two patrol cars are converging on the occupancy, and it's NOW that you want to attempt to safely move, without endangering pedestrian traffic? File that under Plan, Bad.

You're better in the lot to begin with.

[danceswithcats]

I'm terribly sorry. I missed the entire second half of your (I'm sure accurate and worthy) rant because my brain was busy replaying Airplane.

Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

I AM serious, and don't call me Shirley.

[Liberal]

4. Repairing your carSo, the guy's oil light comes on. He stops because he must. Happens to be in a fire lane. Should he pour in some oil and go on, or wait for the tow?

[danceswithcats]

Just playing devil's advocate here - are these marked fire lanes, or are these unmarked / virtual / defacto / everyone knows it's a fire lane even though there's no signs or red markings on the curb / super-secret fire lanes?

Only wondering as some places have plainly marked fire lanes with signs, red curbs and pavement hatching, and other places have no markings of any sort, apparently trusting people not to park there and clog up the whole parking lot.
A valid query-I speak of those spaces which are properly signed.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where signs need to be posted so folks can ignore what they should have been taught at home.

Nice try-swing and miss. ;)

[danceswithcats]

So, the guy's oil light comes on. He stops because he must. Happens to be in a fire lane. Should he pour in some oil and go on, or wait for the tow?He must? Since when does his vehicle service immediacy trump public health and safety? If the light is on, and it still runs, it will travel another 50 feet to a legal parking place.

[Liberal]

He must? Since when does his vehicle service immediacy trump public health and safety? If the light is on, and it still runs, it will travel another 50 feet to a legal parking place.Let's say it won't. Or if you prefer, let's say it happened as he was waiting for a pickup, which you stipulate is okay. Now, if you're going to claim it is impossible ever for anyone to be in a situation where his car is broken down in a fire lane, just let me know and I'll leave your thread alone so you can pretend things without further hassle. I'm just wondering what a person is to do if he cannot repair his car (your number 4). It seems silly to make him wait for a tow, when a quick can of oil will get him on his way. I mean, what with public health and safety and all. He gets out of the fire lane much quicker by repairing his car. And you get your public health and safety.

[The Hamster King]

Is it okay to park in the fire lane if your car is on fire?

[Anne Neville]

I'm willing to cut people with malfunctioning cars some slack. The other situations mentioned in the OP... no.

[boytyperanma]

Let's say it won't. Or if you prefer, let's say it happened as he was waiting for a pickup, which you stipulate is okay. Now, if you're going to claim it is impossible ever for anyone to be in a situation where his car is broken down in a fire lane, just let me know and I'll leave your thread alone so you can pretend things without further hassle. I'm just wondering what a person is to do if he cannot repair his car (your number 4). It seems silly to make him wait for a tow, when a quick can of oil will get him on his way. I mean, what with public health and safety and all. He gets out of the fire lane much quicker by repairing his car. And you get your public health and safety.

Is he also incapable of pushing his car to out of the way?

I suppose we could run around finding exceptional circumstances to the don't park in the fire lane rule. What if your driving across the fire lane and a alien comes out of nowhere and hits your care with a super slowing ray gun. all that is needed to stop the effect is it ok to park your car get put and get back in?

How about people don't park there cars in the fucking fire lanes and do everything in their power to avoid finding themselves parked in the fire lane.

[danceswithcats]

Let's say it won't. Or if you prefer, let's say it happened as he was waiting for a pickup, which you stipulate is okay. Now, if you're going to claim it is impossible ever for anyone to be in a situation where his car is broken down in a fire lane, just let me know and I'll leave your thread alone so you can pretend things without further hassle. I'm just wondering what a person is to do if he cannot repair his car (your number 4). It seems silly to make him wait for a tow, when a quick can of oil will get him on his way. I mean, what with public health and safety and all. He gets out of the fire lane much quicker by repairing his car. And you get your public health and safety.
It's a source of amazement to me that no matter how closely framed an issue can be, some sonofabitch, in this case, you, will create an unlikely circumstance, just to be a contrary cocksucker. :rolleyes:

You win. Contrary Cocksucker of the Day award goes to Liberal. Your award is a quart of oil. Push your fucking shitmobile into a legal parking place and add it there.

[Frank]

Actually, my oil light came on this morning and I had to drive two miles to get to the store. Where I parked in the fire lane while I went in to get some oil. (I'm not serious; I parked in the spot reserved for Starbucks customers.)

[SkipMagic]

So, the guy's oil light comes on. He stops because he must. Happens to be in a fire lane. Should he pour in some oil and go on, or wait for the tow?
Shoot the hostage.

[Guinastasia]

Let's say it won't. Or if you prefer, let's say it happened as he was waiting for a pickup, which you stipulate is okay. Now, if you're going to claim it is impossible ever for anyone to be in a situation where his car is broken down in a fire lane, just let me know and I'll leave your thread alone so you can pretend things without further hassle. I'm just wondering what a person is to do if he cannot repair his car (your number 4). It seems silly to make him wait for a tow, when a quick can of oil will get him on his way. I mean, what with public health and safety and all. He gets out of the fire lane much quicker by repairing his car. And you get your public health and safety.


And oh my god, what happens if his car starts shooting poisonous venom everywhere, and a giant rabid grizzly crawls out of the truck and aliens land and start disecting everyone?!

:rolleyes:

[D_Odds]

You win. Contrary Cocksucker of the Day award goes to Liberal. Your award is a quart of oil. Push your fucking shitmobile into a legal parking place and add it there.
Didn't he already get a Lifetime Achievement Award for that? If so, that makes him ineligible for the daily awards. Sorry.

[Captain Carrot]

And oh my god, what happens if his car starts shooting poisonous venom everywhere, and a giant rabid grizzly crawls out of the truck and aliens land and start disecting everyone?!

:rolleyes:
Where is that thread with the ridiculous hypotheticals that Kel Varnsen started?

[Frank]

Where is that thread with the ridiculous hypotheticals that Kel Varnsen started?

Would you shoot child and kill your child in this situation? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289696)

[Bryan Ekers]

What if it's a fire sale? I mean, c'mon, cut us some slack.

[askeptic]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? If an actual emergency occurs they deal with the consequences. How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.

[Merijeek]

And oh my god, what happens if his car starts shooting poisonous venom everywhere, and a giant rabid grizzly crawls out of the truck and aliens land and start disecting everyone?!

:rolleyes:

Then I suggest you just lay back and enjoy the anal probe - because it sounds like the most pleasant thing that's going to happen to you that day.

-Joe

[Morgyn]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? If an actual emergency occurs they deal with the consequences. How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.danceswithcats is a long-time volunteer fire-fighter.

And people should care about things like this. It's because everyone thinks "why should I care?" that things like this have become so bloody common that no one thinks it's worth caring about. More importantly, parking in a fire lane is a Public Safety Hazard and is against the law.

[danceswithcats]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? If an actual emergency occurs they deal with the consequences. How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.

Why do I care? Because it's fucking wrong, that's why! Why does anyone care about the things they bring to the Pit? Why do I have to have a dog in the fight in your opinion for my upset to have validity? That's a ludicrous presumption! I haven't exactly hidden the fact that I'm a firefighter. Even if I wasn't, it would still be my purview to bitch about it, with or without your permission, thank you very much.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? Oh, might be more than a ticket. (http://msgboard.snopes.com/message/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/109/t/000330/p/1.html) (Note the shout-out by Gunslinger to the SDMB.)

[BiblioCat]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? If an actual emergency occurs they deal with the consequences. How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.I care. For one thing, it's against the law to park in a fire lane. I see this kind of thing every day at work - clearly marked fire lanes, and clearly marked ambulance bays. If an actual emergency occurs, they'll deal with the consequences? What's that supposed to mean? They'll start paging the owner to please move his car? Yeah, like that'll work.
How about when fuckwads have parked all over the firelanes and blocked access to the ER bays?
What about when an ambulance is already using the fire lane for an emergency and some jerkoff parks right behind it and blocks access to the back?
Fire engines also need plenty of room, both to manuver and to get hose and tools off the sides and back. They can't just slip into a spot left open. They need the whole damn fire lane.
In some cases, parking in a fire lane blocks the egress and line-of-sight for emergency vehicles. They're not quite like driving a Honda Civic. They're big and unwieldy.

It just doesn't matter, though. Some people feel it's their right to park anywhere they damn well please, even in a spot outlined in red and marked "Ambulances Only."

[St. Urho]

It just doesn't matter, though. Some people feel it's their right to park anywhere they damn well please, even in a spot outlined in red and marked "Ambulances Only."

When I worked 24-hour shifts we'd frequently come back to the station and find cars parked in the "Ambulance Parking Only" spot. Those people were frequently parked in until the tow truck got there.

And while we're at it, PULL TO THE RIGHT, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS! Not the left, not directly in front of me, and for the love of god, don't just stop in the middle of the damn road.

[t-bonham@scc.net]

Likewise, people who abuse fire lanes will have their car or house catch on fire and the fire department not be able to get to it because the fire lane is blocked.No, that doesn't stop the Fire Department.

I once saw a car parked in a fire lane, directly in front of the fire hydrant, at my apartment building, when a small fire occurred in one apartment, the alarm went off, and the Fire Trucks arrived. They didn't hesitate at all, they simply put the big bumper of a fire truck up against the vehicle, put the truck in low gear, and pushed that car out of the way. Even though it's parking brake was on and it's transmission in park, it didn't matter -- the fire truck moved that car easily. Even from 5 stories up, I could hear metal transmission parts snapping, and could see the skid marks of rubber from the locked tires.

They pushed it out of the fire lane, out of the parking lot, and right into the middle of the street. A police patrol car was already on the scene, he got out and started writing out tickets for the car. And he must have called a tow truck too, because one arrived very soon thereafter and towed it away.

It didn't delay the Fire Department more than about 20-30 seconds.

But the owner of that car got several tickets, a trip to the impound lot and the $140 fees there, plus some definite damage to their vehicle. That should have been enough to teach them not to park in fire lanes, you'd hope.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Heh. That reminds me of when I lived in Boston's North End, with its narrow streets and too many cars for not enough legitimate parking spots. One smart guy had parked his car right on the corner of an intersection, completely past the "No parking beyond this point" sign. A fire truck needed to make that corner but the car was in the way of a clean turn.

The car looked mighty crumpled by the time the fire truck finished plowing over it.

[Sailboat]

Why do you care where people park? If they get a ticket what is it to you? If an actual emergency occurs they deal with the consequences. How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.

If Liberal can make up reasons the car cannot be moved, I can make up six dead children who burned because the fire lane was blocked. Fair's fair, after all.

Those poor children!

Sailboat

[Cheesesteak]

How does the fact that they parked in a fire lane affect you? Unless you work in Emergency Services, then disregard.The fire lane isn't there to make life easier for Emergency Services personnel. It's there (usually*) to ensure they can provide life saving services to other people, without having to circle the block looking for a parking space. We are all affected when people disregard fire lanes. Not to mention that this practice often fouls up traffic patterns in the parking lot, as the illegally parked cars have to be avoided.


* Across the street from my old High School, they designated a bunch of fire lane areas around empty lots so that the students wouldn't be able to park there.

[Fetchund]

Not only for emergencies...

The fire lane is usually right in front of the store, between the store and the parking lot. Where lots and lots of people are trying to cross through the traffic. Having folks (or LITTLE KIDS!) dodging out between cars isn't a great idea either. And here, where we get our fair share of snow, folks will park there and make it nearly impossible to pass them to get to other parts of the lot.

Around here, if the curb is painted yellow or red, you best not park there!

I'm with you, danceswithcats. Nice rant!

[tdn]

It's my car and I'll park wherever the hell I want. Why should "emergency" vehicles trump my right to convenient shopping? People entering those buildings are taking a risk of fire, they should know that going in. I'm not about to give up my right to shop because those idiots can't own up to the risks involved.

That's my attempt to out-stupid Lib and askeptic. How'd I do?

[Maus Magill]

One of the finest moments of schadenfreude I'd ever experienced was when a very large and very solid fire engine totaled a Corvette in a fire lane while the EoW ran into a store to "pick up one thing."

Ah… beautiful day.

[D_Odds]

That's my attempt to out-stupid Lib and askeptic. How'd I do?You failed. Too obvious.

[ZipperJJ]

Man, I'm glad no fires or emergencies cropped up in this store while you guys all sat around in the FIRE LANE trying to decide who has the right to be here!

[tdn]

You failed. Too obvious.
As I feared.

[WhyNot]

No, that doesn't stop the Fire Department.

I once saw a car parked in a fire lane, directly in front of the fire hydrant, at my apartment building, when a small fire occurred in one apartment, the alarm went off, and the Fire Trucks arrived. They didn't hesitate at all, they simply put the big bumper of a fire truck up against the vehicle, put the truck in low gear, and pushed that car out of the way. Even though it's parking brake was on and it's transmission in park, it didn't matter -- the fire truck moved that car easily. Even from 5 stories up, I could hear metal transmission parts snapping, and could see the skid marks of rubber from the locked tires.

They pushed it out of the fire lane, out of the parking lot, and right into the middle of the street. A police patrol car was already on the scene, he got out and started writing out tickets for the car. And he must have called a tow truck too, because one arrived very soon thereafter and towed it away.

It didn't delay the Fire Department more than about 20-30 seconds.

But the owner of that car got several tickets, a trip to the impound lot and the $140 fees there, plus some definite damage to their vehicle. That should have been enough to teach them not to park in fire lanes, you'd hope.
sniff

*wipes away a tear of joy*

Makes me want to become an arsonist, that does. Only in buildings with cars parked in the fire lanes, of course. And only small fires.

[RTFirefly]

Man, I'm glad no fires or emergencies cropped up in this store while you guys all sat around in the FIRE LANE trying to decide who has the right to be here!You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here. (http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/deterior.html)

[t-bonham@scc.net]

* Across the street from my old High School, they designated a bunch of fire lane areas around empty lots so that the students wouldn't be able to park there.Now that's just stupid! What a way to teach those kids to be dishonest.

They could just as easily have simply designated them as "No Parking" spots.

But like most cities, they probably get more money from a Fire Lane ticket than a simple No Parking zone ticket.

So the city is both dishonest and greedy!
Well, I suppose this did teach those students something about how the world works. But not a good lesson.

[Merijeek]

It's my car and I'll park wherever the hell I want. Why should "emergency" vehicles trump my right to convenient shopping? People entering those buildings are taking a risk of fire, they should know that going in. I'm not about to give up my right to shop because those idiots can't own up to the risks involved.

That's my attempt to out-stupid Lib and askeptic. How'd I do?

I think it's clear that the free market should determine things. Really, if your store has a fire lane and that other guy's doesn't, I'm more likely to die a screaming, painful death in his store. So I'll shop at yours.

See, the free market fixes everything!

-Joe

[VarlosZ]

When it comes to hydrants and fire lanes, I think I'm in favor of the following policy: "you parks your car, you takes your chances." If you're parked in one of these spots and your car is actually impeding the fighting of an actual fire, you can be sure that the firemen will effectively destroy your car in their effort to move it out of the way as fast as possible. Here in NYC, at least, I think we're better off accepting the 20 or 30 extra seconds it would take the FDNY to respond to fires in exchange for the tens (hundreds?) of thousands of extra parking spaces.

ETA: you could even give the FD special car moving equipment. Maybe some kind of giant lever that flips the car over into the street, where it can be pushed out of the way (upside down) by the fire engine.

[GrizzRich]

And oh my god, what happens if his car starts shooting poisonous venom everywhere, and a giant rabid grizzly crawls out of the truck and aliens land and start disecting everyone?!

:rolleyes:

I wish to state, for the record, I have never done such a thing.

[Jodi]

I wish to state, for the record, I have never done such a thing.

The guilty ones always deny it.

[GrizzRich]

Well, the driver parking their car thus has to accept that there are consequences! (http://www.thebestlinks.com/images/thumb/e/e8/180px-Car.JPG)

[Borborygmi]

And oh my god, what happens if his car starts shooting poisonous venom everywhere, and a giant rabid grizzly crawls out of the truck and aliens land and start disecting everyone?!.I wish to state, for the record, I have never done such a thing"Who is driving the car shooting poisonous venom? Oh my God, GrizzRich is driving the car shooting poisonous venom! How can that be????"

[Spectre of Pithecanthropus]

I'm terribly sorry. I missed the entire second half of your (I'm sure accurate and worthy) rant because my brain was busy replaying Airplane.

Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

According to the Wikipedia article about the movie, these were actual LAX announcers at the time.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Well, the driver parking their car thus has to accept that there are consequences! (http://www.thebestlinks.com/images/thumb/e/e8/180px-Car.JPG)
Ahem. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8693393&postcount=31)

:p

[gotpasswords]

ETA: you could even give the FD special car moving equipment. Maybe some kind of giant lever that flips the car over into the street, where it can be pushed out of the way (upside down) by the fire engine.
They have that already - it's called a 450 horsepower engine. As someone on the other page said, put the transmission in first gear and you can move small buildings. Cars are no problem.

[VarlosZ]

They have that already - it's called a 450 horsepower engine. As someone on the other page said, put the transmission in first gear and you can move small buildings. Cars are no problem.
Ok, tell me how to move this cop car (http://q.queso.com/images/nyc_lawless_traffic_cop.jpg) with just a fire truck without damaging the legally parked cars in front of it.

[gotpasswords]

It may be an urban legend, but supposedly, some fire departments have master keys for all of that city's emergency vehicles - fire trucks, ambulances, cop cars and meter maid's buggies.

Otherwise, it looks like at least one outlet of that hydrant is unimpeded, so it's not a huge crisis.

Failing that, they'll just throw a chain on the car's bumper or axle and drag it out.

[danceswithcats]

It may be an urban legend, but supposedly, some fire departments have master keys for all of that city's emergency vehicles - fire trucks, ambulances, cop cars and meter maid's buggies.

Otherwise, it looks like at least one outlet of that hydrant is unimpeded, so it's not a huge crisis.

Failing that, they'll just throw a chain on the car's bumper or axle and drag it out.
Not an urban legend.

[St. Urho]

Not an urban legend.

Really? It is everywhere I'm familiar with...

[t-bonham@scc.net]

It may be an urban legend, but supposedly, some fire departments have master keys for all of that city's emergency vehicles - fire trucks, ambulances, cop cars and meter maid's buggies.Seems like just common sense would tell you this is untrue.

Fore example, my city has hundreds of cop cars alone. From at least 2 different automakers. How could they possibly have a master key that would work on all these cars? Especially when they come from different car companies? (I know that the city does NOT replace all the door locks when new vehicles are put into service.)

Last winter, a cop accidentally locked the car door, with the keys in the ignition & the car running. He had to get another cop car take him back to the station to get the spare set of keys. This was at a scene where several Fire Department vehicles were present also. If they had 'master keys', why wouldn't they have just unlocked the door for this cop?

And this just doesn't make sense in the first place -- what reason is there for the Fire Department to have such super master keys? What benefits are there to justify the amounts this would cost? No significant benefits that I can see!

[danceswithcats]

Really? It is everywhere I'm familiar with... My response was based upon my local town which has all police cars and ambulances of one manufacturer (Ford), and has them common keyed. The fire apparatus is obviously not involved.

[St. Urho]

Huh. Like I said, in my experience that's the exception, not the rule.