You've been sent to Hell... with a personalized soundtrack!

[JohnT]

Sorry to tell ya this, but you've been sent to Hell. Remember that time you skipped PE and the idiotic assistant coach still counted you as "present"? That was the tipping point.

Yeah, it's a rum old world.

What's worse is that you are damned with a personalized soundtrack of your most loathed, most irritating songs of all time. From that TV sitcom theme that wouldn't leave your head for a three month period, to that overblown, overproduced aborted piece of shiite they constantly played on the radio back in 1996... this is your Soundtrack to Hell.

The Final Countdown, Europe. OMG, I can't tell you what the main keyboard theme does to my spine except to liken it to fingernails on a chalkboard.

Fire and Rain, James Taylor. The word "banal" doesn't do JT a bit of justice, however at times he rises to a level of mediocrity that burns in your brain like a hot poker.

I've Never Been to Me, Charlene. Hey lady, sweet lady, just shut yer yap, willya?

The theme to The Incredible Hulk cartoon series (1960's-70's version). Easily the worst time I ever had with a song stuck in my head, this one lasted for weeks. Like a bad cold, you'd think it went away and then you'd wake up the next morning with a nose full of snot.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Mozart. I love Mozart, but this overplayed ditty has done nothing for me since the age of 8 other than to expose his weaknesses in greater works. :(

Send in the Clowns, Judy Collins. WTF? Who the hell wrote this thing - I need to go kick his ass! Freakin' MacArthurs Park is a masterpiece next to this thing.

Feelings, Morris Albert. Make it stop, oh please God, MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

Mony Mony/I Think We're Alone Now, Tommy James and the Shondells. Two pieces of crap for the price of one.

The End, The Doors. Yeah, I know a lot of people really love this group but the only constant I hear in their music is a lot of posturing.

My Girl, The Temptations. You ever hear a song so much that you wish you could buy the rights in perpetuity so you'd never have to hear the thing again? That's me and My Girl.

So... what's your Soundtrack to Hell?

[SSG Schwartz]

That damned song "Popcorn" that was played to death c. 1970's at all skating rinks.
That would be followed by "Send in the clowns" and "When my granny.." running cadence. Yeah, Hell would suck with those songs. If there is a hell, also it would have Shaina Twain singing acapella to me.

SSG Schwartz

[Duck Duck Goose]

No contest, no discussion: Tom Jones singing the marvelously condescending "She's A Lady".

[Ferret Herder]

I've got more, but two before bedtime -
"Wildfire" - a pony got lost in a "killing frost"? Has the songwriter even seen frost before? Maybe the pony deserved death; it'll improve the gene pool.
"Last Kiss", the remake by Pearl Jam. The original version of this "romantic teen death" song was enough; you really didn't have to revive it to torment me.

[koeeoaddi]

Christmas music, interrupted occasionally by the Rat Pack's catalog of standards.

No, wait, this (http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Rat-Pack-Frank-Sinatra/dp/B00006IJWZ) on an endless loop.

[Alice The Goon]

I second Mony Mony, anyone's version.

Add Phil Collins' Susudio and that 'Friends' themesong I'll Be There For You, and whew it is getting hot in here. Where's my pitchfork?

[I'm Ron Burgundy?]

Eminem's catalog.

[JohnT]

I just read that Stephen Sondheim wrote SITC. Well, Stevie, you can't win them all... much to my everlasting regret... and torment.

[Rico]

Seasons In The Sun

Billy Don't Be A Hero

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Send In The Clowns

Never Gonna Give You Up

Any opera.

[Idlewild]

Postcards from LA. I didn't even know this was by Joshua Kadison until it got stuck in my head this week. All week. My husband denies knowing of its existence at all. I was barely conscious of it before but now... NOW... send me postcards from LA, signed with love from a pickax through my eyesocket.

[boggle]

Sweet Child of Mine by the yowler who sings it, whoever he is

Beth by Kiss

Stroke Me by ?

Any rap song

And I Am Telling You (yes, I've watched too much Idol)

I Write The Songs by Barry Manilow

top that.. :p

[dangermom]

Pretty Woman, or anything by Roy Orbison.

Sidewalk Talk, by Jellybean--the single catchiest, most irritating song ever

Bobby's Girl--for those of you unfamiliar with this song, I give you the chorus:

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

[Windwalker]

My list would be pretty short:

- Any Beijing Opera. The high-pitched squeaking and ululating that drills itself into your head after a few seconds and slowly eats away at your sanity as you try in vain to imagine more pleasant sounds, like Gilbert Godfrey shouting in your ear.

- Madonna's "Music". Appalling in its awfulness. It doesn't make me think of "Music", it makes me think of using a 20 pound hammer on Madonna's vocal chords.

- A lot of Christmas music, though with special mention for "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire". This song makes me sick with bile, until it coalesces into a pure seething hatred of the world. I hope whoever wrote this song is roasting on an open fire... in hell! ;)

[Surbey]

Christmas music, interrupted occasionally by the Rat Pack's catalog of standards.

No, wait, this (http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Rat-Pack-Frank-Sinatra/dp/B00006IJWZ) on an endless loop.

my girlfriend plays this ALL the time. I know how you feel...

[Enginerd]

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to
Keep me down

[Rico]

Oh yes. To my list add:

Anything by Yoko Ono.

[Rubystreak]

The catalogue of the band Foreigner on endless repeat. That would be Hell.

[Argent Towers]

Marching band music.
Modern pop country.

[VanillaGorilla]

Oh, definitely christmas music!
In my personal hell there would be christmas celebrations going on all year long.

Oh, and throw in some (swedish "artist") Håkan Hellström there too, for good measure.

[DrDeth]

MacArthur Park.

"It's a Small World After all"

[Jolly Roger]

Bon Jovi. I can't stand Bon Jovi. Well, I could stomach it, but my wife loves Bon jovi so I've been bombarded with it.

[Jolly Roger]

If we're talking songs that make you want to scoop your own eardrums out with a rusty fork....

Anything by Guns and Roses. Back when they were big I had a friend who thought they were the best band ever. His undying loyalty to what I considered a piss poor band with uninspired music made me almost insane with anger.

The Spice girls I actually wished I were ten years into thefuture when they were around because I knew they'd be gone by then.

I can't stand stupid pop songs that inexplicably become hits. If you were around in the 80's perhaps you remember The jump in the saddle band with their song The Curly Shuffle? I remember it because the intense hatred I had for that song burned a hole in my soul.


I don't like rap. i used to, but that was back in the 80's before it was all about ***ches and ho's and guns and junk. I'm a black guy too, but I really have a hardy dislike for rap music. That being said I had a female friend give me a ride once and she played the most apalling CD on the way. Lil' Kim. I actually decided to take a cab back because I couldn't bear another moment of that trash.

[OtakuLoki]

"It's a Small World After all"


Rats. Rats. Rats. I was coming in here just to mention that one song.

Maybe, if someone is feeling a little extra sadistic - some Eminem for variety. Not much, just a little bit.

[Mtgman]

All country all the time. As I descend into the deeper levels of hades, the amount of steel guitar(or voices which sound like one), and jugs increase proportionally.

Enjoy,
Steven

[Mangetout]

...Never Gonna Give You Up...

Did you know that Rick Astley (www.gurman.co.uk/stuff/rickminogue.mp3) and Kylie Minogue (www.gurman.co.uk/stuff/kylieastley.mp3) are the same person?

[VanillaGorilla]

Guns and Roses.

Wha..? How can you not like Guns n Roses?! That's... that's... just.. wrong, somehow... :confused:

[jjimm]

As I arrive in the entrance lobby to The Abyss, a demon prods me in the ass with a pitchfork to the strains of Daydream Believer by the Monkees.

As he ferries me across the river Acheron, Charon serenades me with Honey by Bobby Goldsboro.

Later, imps crawl about my face and head humming Hi Ho Silver Lining by Jeff Beck.

All on its own, an incubus/succubus then duets Lucky Stars by Dean Friedman.

And as I stand knee-deep in molten sulfur, Satan himself appears before me doing a Eurobeat dance to No Limits by 2 Unlimited.

I repent! I repent!

[Liberal]

I guess it's true that one man's hell is another man's heaven. I really like some of these selections. :)

[Chez Guevara]

As he ferries me across the river Acheron, Charon serenades me with Honey by Bobby Goldsboro.Get your own back with Don't Pay the Ferryman.

[Idlewild]

Did you know that Rick Astley (www.gurman.co.uk/stuff/rickminogue.mp3) and Kylie Minogue (www.gurman.co.uk/stuff/kylieastley.mp3) are the same person?
AUGH! My ears! Why did I click those links?! :mad: :p

[cochrane]

Hmm, some of these songs I'd like on my soundtrack.

Sweet Child O' Mine. Check.

Mony, Mony. Check. By Tommy James or Billy Idol, I don't care.

Tubthumping. Yep.

Foreigner. Again, yep.

Go ahead and throw some Bon Jovi in there, too, I don't mind.

If I had to choose those tunes to listen to in Hell, well, it wouldn't seem so much like, well, you know....Hell.

ETA - Roy Orbison? How can you include him in this category? :dubious:

[Jolly Roger]

Wha..? How can you not like Guns n Roses?! That's... that's... just.. wrong, somehow... :confused:

Hey, well, to each his own. I hate Guns and roses with a fiery passion hotter than the suns core.

[Apollo's Towel]

I guess it's true that one man's hell is another man's heaven. I really like some of these selections. :)
Same here. I even have fond memories associated with some.

boggle, Stroke Me was by Billy Squiers, and you can add that to my list as well.

Color My World by Chicago

Always and Forever by Heatwave

[cochrane]

Apollo's Towel:

Correction, the name of the Billy Squier song is The Stroke. "Stroke me" is in the lyrics, though.

[cochrane]

Apollo's Towel:

Correction, the name of the Billy Squier song is The Stroke. "Stroke me" is in the lyrics, though.

[Sebhal]

My two hates:

(long hesitation: dare I risk actually allowing them into my consciousness?! OK, but I'll have to be quick)

'SaveYourLove'byReneandRenataand'LetterfromAmerica'bytheProclaimers

(starts singing something, anything, loudly to drive away the memories...)

[Scoundrel Swanswater]

I think it would probably start with The Final Countdown by EUROPE.
My gods, how I hate that song.
Followed by most of Maria Careys discography, culminating in that horrible christmas album.
And to finally completely drive me over the edge : They built this City on Rock and Roll.
Wow, no I am really starting to think that maybe I should pick up some religion so I won't get to hear this for all eternity.

[Otto]

"To All the Girls I've Loved Before" by Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias.

[Liberal]

I guess the only thing I would say is anything with bagpipes.

[What Exit?]

For me it would be a non-stop play list of Barry Manillow and the Village People. I suspect no other torture would need to be devised by the devil than this.

Honorable mentions would go to much of Country and Western and as mentioned by DrDeth, "It's a Small World After all" (The Disney ride version especially.)

Jim

[hotflungwok]

Puttin on the Ritz.

Anything by Toni Basil.

Anything by the Spice Girls.

Anything by Buster Poindexter.

Most of the idiot-metal being produced today.

Pretty much all rap being produced today.

Any showtunes, songs from plays, broadway productions, anything like that.

And since this is hell, it's all played at 1/2 speed.

[Liberal]

Oh, yeah, also Alvin [grimace] and the [shudder] Chipmunks.

[yellowval]

My two main ones would be:
Starship - "We Built This City"
Elvis - "In the Ghetto"
I'd also have to include the entire collections of Celine Dion, Better Middler, Barbra Streisand, Gloria Estefan, and Toby Keith. Probably lots of other country stuff that I'm blocking from my mind right now.

[Ellef]

I'm amazed no-one's mentioned Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy". Makes me want to kill someone every time I hear it.

[What Exit?]

...
I'd also have to include the entire collections of Celine Dion, Better Middler, Barbra Streisand, Gloria Estefan, and Toby Keith. Probably lots of other country stuff that I'm blocking from my mind right now.
Wait, Celine Dion is a singer? I thought she was a torture device? Are you sure? :confused:

She would have to go on my list if she counts. That and some Howard Cosell Play-by-Play of Baseball Games from the Seventies.

Jim

[Missy2U]

This is an easy one.

Anything by Hendrix.
Anything by Nirvana.
Anything by Pearl Jam.

Makes me shudder...

[robardin]

It's a Small World After all" (The Disney ride version especially.)

"You can't get off. We have five more continents to visit."

I loathe Neil Diamond's song Sweet Caroline. Why they started playing it in the 8th inning at Fenway Park, I don't know. Why that practice has spread to several other major league ballparks, I also can't fathom. Why the list of such parks includes Shea Stadium, to which I have a Saturday home game season mini-plan, I have no idea, but... I suffer. Deeply.

It could certainly be far worse though. I got a CD of the 2007 Grammy Award nominees at a rest stop on a recent road trip. It had a lot of good songs I liked and didn't have in my personal catalog, such as Gnarls Barkley's Crazy. But it also had My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas.

[Yllaria]

Have to say I agree with I've Never Been to Me, and I never liked Cat's Cradle. Can't remember who sang that. But about . .

. . . and as mentioned by DrDeth, "It's a Small World After all" (The Disney ride version especially I have the LP of it. I mostly keep it as a threat. :D Maybe next Halloween.

[RealityChuck]

I just read that Stephen Sondheim wrote SITC. Well, Stevie, you can't win them all... much to my everlasting regret... and torment.And that was one of his better songs.

For, it would be:

Any Sondheim score other than "Forum"
Any Barry Manilow song other than "Copacabana"
Anything by the Steve Miller Band after "Love Beach"
Any Rod Stewart song after "Gasoline Alley."
Anything by Kenny Rogers
"Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree"
"Joy to the World"
"Neanderthal Man" by Hotlegs

[Missy2U]

(Snip) I never liked Cat's Cradle. Can't remember who sang that.

Harry Chapin. It was also done by Ugly Kid Joe.

[Rube E. Tewesday]

The complete work of Moxie Fruvous. I'd be begging "Please Satan: Plug my ears with molten lead!!! Please!!!!

[robardin]

Anything by Hendrix.

Makes me shudder...Hmph.

White collar conservatives flashing down the street,
Pointing their plastic finger at me...
They're hopin' soon my kind will drop and die,
But I'm gonna wave my freak flag high!
...
I'm the one who's got to die when it's time for me to die.
So let me live my life... The way I want to.
Sing on, brother... Play on, drummer!

Though I guess I should have let If6Was9 post that.

[NailBunny]

The soundtrack to Moulin Rouge. Since this is not the Pit, the less said about how I feel about this movie and its music, the better.

Glurgey patriotic new-country songs. I get all these confused, but I know there was a rash of them after 9/11, and every single one of them gives me The Rage.

And I hate to say it, but after I realized the other day how much I hate it: Rehab by Amy Winehouse. Not only is it annoying - it's catchy! I hate that song and I find myself singing it, goddammit!

[boggle]

I'm amazed no-one's mentioned Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy". Makes me want to kill someone every time I hear it.Bobby McFerin raped my grandmother!

(yes, Alec baldwin said it)

[rhythmonly]

The old Hanes Happy Underwear jingle. The commercial showed a small girl and boy (sans outer layers of clothing) capering around a grassy meadow, while a woman crooned in the background:

"Happy Underwear to youuuuuuuuu."

"Happy Underwear to youuuuuuuuu."

"Happy Underwearrrrr.....my darlinnnnnngggggsssss."

"Happy Underwear to youuuuuuuuu."

[Slypork]

96 Tears by ? & the Mysterians. I’ve mentioned this abomination before. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8165749&postcount=183)

[Ellef]

Bobby McFerin raped my grandmother!

(yes, Alec baldwin said it)

Before or after he recorded that horrid song? (Ferrin rapin' granny, not Baldwin sayin' things.)

[Diceman]

The Barenaked Ladies' discography on endless repeat. My boss plays their stuff constantly, and to know that I couldn't look forward to going home and listening to good music would truely be Hell.

[dwc1970]

Here is my soundtrack for "Music to Kill Yourself By":

"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - Wham- If I shot and killed the DJ for playing this infernal song AGAIN I'm sure the jury would have understood.
"Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" - Culture Club- Well, since you asked…YES!
"Rainy Day Woman" by Bob Dylan (I think this is the right title, it's annoying as hell)
"Barbie Girl" - don't know, don't care who sung it, all I know is that the world would be a better place if every copy of this song was eradicated from existence.
"Macarena"- Memories of 1996 are forever ruined by this indelible stain on my psyche.
"Who Let the Dogs Out" - Baja Men- Thank God this one only had a short run.
"Crocodile Rock" - Elton John- Sir Elton's other works with Mr. Taupin are fine, but this one has grated my nerves ever since I was a kid.
"I Can't Dance" - Genesis- I can’t believe Genesis would Ever put out such jarring tripe. Maybe you can't dance, Phil, but you CAN sing! I've heard you do it before! What HAPPENED?!!!
"Walk Like a Man" - Frankie Valli. Did this guy have any testosterone in his body at all?
Anything by Michael Jackson
Anything by Billy Idol
Anything by Rod Stewart
Anything by Sublime
Anything by Everlast
Anything by Eminem
Any rap "artist", period.
Ditto for country

[cbawlmer]

Yeah, I like a whole bunch of the songs mentioned here. I never claimed to have good taste in music.

For me:
The aforementioned jingoistic glurgefest country garbage, especially the post-9/11 stuff.
All other new-country glurgefests. I hope you choke on your "Christmas Shoes" and "Butterfly Kisses," unknown songwriters!
Pretty much anything by Matchbox 20.
"Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin.
Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss"

[Missy2U]

robardin, my husband has, at times, threatened me with a divorce because of my stance regarding Hendrix. Needless to say we don't listen to a whole lot of music together. :D

Oh - I need to add Anything by Stone Temple Pilots to my list too.

[koeeoaddi]

Christmas music, interrupted occasionally by the Rat Pack's catalog of standards.

No, wait, this (http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Rat-Pack-Frank-Sinatra/dp/B00006IJWZ) on an endless loop.
my girlfriend plays this ALL the time. I know how you feel...
I've been posting here since 2003 and never have I replied with such absolute heartfelt sincerity: I'm truly, truly sorry, Surbey.

[Don Draper]

If I were to go to Hell (and I'm not going since I'm such a heck of a nice guy!) the piped-in radio station would be set on the 'all James Blunt, all the time!" station.

Every 1000 years or so, they'd give me a break and let me switch to the all Natalie Merchant channel for a brief (but troubling) respite.







"Now whoever said this was Heaven, sir? This IS the other place! Ahahahahahaha!"

[Ultraviolet]

I can't stand stupid pop songs that inexplicably become hits. If you were around in the 80's perhaps you remember The jump in the saddle band with their song The Curly Shuffle? I remember it because the intense hatred I had for that song burned a hole in my soul.

Shame on you sir, just shame on you! I had successfully blotted all memory of that song from my brain, until you had to remind me of it. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk ...

[teela brown]

Heh. Anybody remember the episode of The Young Ones where the two demons Ftoomsh and Orgo were torturing a businessman in hell by forcing him to listen to Barry Manilow through some headphones? When he screamed, they'd just turn it up.

" 'e really gets off on Barry!"

[BMax]

And everything each of them has done since leaving the Eagles.
The Night Chicago Died.
Billy, Don't Be a Hero.
The Entire Bobby Goldsboro catalog.
Sylvia's Mother.
Please Come to Boston.
Wildfire.
The collected works of Boston, Styx, Foreigner & Journey
All of Chicago's music since 1979
We Built This City on Rock n' Roll
Everything the Bee Gees wrote for Dolly Parton, Dionne Warwick, Kenny Roberts, Barbara Streisand, or anyone else in the late 70's-very early 80's.
Ain't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride.
If You Like Pina Coladas
Feelings
The Kevin Federline Album

[Proudest Monkey]

A lot of previously-mentioned "hell" songs are on my iTunes "favorites" playlist.

My hell list would include (but not be limited to):

Old Time Rock & Roll by Bob Seger, or pretty much anything else by Bob Seger, but especially OTR&R
God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood

[ryobserver]

I guess the only thing I would say is anything with bagpipes.

Just to show there's an audience for everything: I like bagpipes.

That is, I like Scottish and Irish pipes. The Bretons have a tiny shrill bagpipe called the biniou which is surely on Hell's Top 40. If you've never heard it, be thankful.

As for pop music in hell: Am I really the first to name "Sometimes When We Touch"?

[The Scrivener]

Michael Bolton's cover of "When a Man Loves a Woman" and Macca & Wonder's "Ebony & Ivory," in MP3 quality, replayed endlessly.

[DrDeth]

Billy, Don't Be a Hero.

Wildfire.


If You Like Pina Coladas

Feelings



Hate. :mad:

Hate. :mad:

When it was overplayed I hated it, now it's kind of nostalgic, so it's OK. :cool:

Hate. :mad:


teela brown: no, I can't even remember even hearing of that show. :confused:

[dysonsphere]

Hendrix?
Nirvana?
Guns N' Roses?
The Eagles?

What the hell are you people on? :dubious:

Guns N' Roses and Nirvana would probably be on my top 10 rock bands of all time...maybe not the Eagles. Hendrix Experience doesn't count as a band though.

Anyway, any rap or hiphop. Not just mainstream, or recent, but ALL OF IT. I despise the entire genre. And most Rammstein songs, if not just because they are all basically the same song over and over.

And Freya, if not just because of my Guitar Hero troubles with it...

[flickster]

As I sink lower and lower in the different levels of Hell

The same playlist is playing on each one

All Bee Gees / Gibb Brothers - All The Time

Stayin' Alive
Jive Talkin'
Massachusetts


I'm shuddering just thinking about it

[boggle]

The Kevin Federline Album
Theres only one?!

[Lucky 13]

I have several songs on my "Hell's soundtrack" list for which I cannot remember the artists. These include, but are not limited to:

My Neck, My Back
The Little Girl
Millie the Elephant
He Hit Me (and it felt like a kiss)
Rockabye - the words "everything's gonna be all right", repeatedly interspersed with the tale of a girl fallen into debauchery in Hollywood
I'm With the DJ - a mostly spoken-word track which consists of some girl trying to talk her way into a club by convincing the door guy that she's the DJ's groupie du jour
I Got A Man

The ones I can actually blame somebody for include:
Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive by Men At Work
Volcano by The Band
Anything by Insane Clown Posse
They Don't Care About Us by Michael Jackson

[Derleth]

The vast majority of what's made by modern Country "music" "artists". Ditto the entirety of the output of Gospel "music" "artists". The lowest depth of Hell would be reserved for "The Boot-Scootin' Boogie" on infinite repeat on a CD player that skips and locks up on a single half-second segment at random.

[Sitnam]

Van Halen, I didn't like them before college, and it only took a semester of my Van Halen obsessed roommate to make all their songs the 10th ring of hell.

Runners up:

Macarana

Who Let The Dogs Out?

[TroubleAgain]

Rap/dance club music combo, interspersed with "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and "Achy-Breaky Heart."

[Projammer]

Gotta weigh in and say that I really like some of the songs mentioned here.

But on Hell's Platinum Playlist

Gospel music. Just makes my skin want to crawl off my body. Even more repetitious than C&W.

Swangin, by the Freestyle Kingz

Achy Breaky Heart

Macarena

Go ahead and throw in all of C&W. Yeah, I know there are some good ones, it's just not worth finding them.

Anything that has a guitar player draging their fingers on the strings. That's my fingernails-on-a-chalkboard sound.

And a few other songs that I know I despise, but I've repressed them enough that I can't remember them until they actually come on the radio.

[dwc1970]

I just thought of two more:

Young American- David Bowie
Ballroom Blitz- Sweet

[Mike Fun]

So many good answers so far! Here's a couple not mentioned yet:

That's What Friends Are For written by Burt Bachrach

I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder

[control-z]

"I am Woman" - Helen Reddy

And lots of Back Street Boys and easy listening music. Kenny G. Yanni. Michael Bolton. AAAAA, I'm going crazy just thinking about it!

And those songs that get stuck in your head like It's a Small World and Banana phone: http://gprime.net/flash.php/bananaphone

[DrDeth]

Ok, looks like the winner is...."It's a Small World". So here, dudes for your edification is Hell:

You are in a small boat, on a river of sloooooooly moving boiling asphalt. Around you, on both sides, are badly done animatronic demons, singing "It's a Small World" in that high pitched kids voice they used. Over and over and over and over and over. It's about 105 degree F, and it's very muggy. The air conditioner is just wafting bad smells out. The bench is hard, and makes your back hurt. Your ass is stuck to the seat with sweat.

Here are your fellow passengers: Sitting in your row are two sweet little old people.The woman has on so much cheap perfume that your eyes are watering and there are palpable waves coming off her, she is chattering constantly to her husband who is not listening as he is asleep and drooling on your shoulder. His elbow is very sharp. Both have the "funny old folks smell", and someone's adult Depends not only needs changing, but is leaking. Your pants are only slightly wet, but you know it will get worse.

Starboard and ahead are two German tourists, smelling of cheap beer and cigarettes. They are so grossly fat the boat lists alarmingly to starboard. They are singing along, in German. Out of tune. Beside them are two Japanese tourists who are taking flash pictures so constantly you occassionaly experience a strobe effect. The clicking of their cameras would sound much like a hoard of Hades cockroaches, but your know that can be correct as those very roaches are running across your feet. The floor is sticky, but that doesn't seem to slow them down a bit.

Right behind you is a single mom, with three kids. The baby's diaper needs changing, and the Mom is doing that right here and now, while giving a blow-by-blow on her cellphone to her mother. The baby hasn't stopped crying since the start of your 4 hour wait in line. The two-year old has been sea sick (the quanity was impressive), and is now simply screaming at the top of his lungs. The 4yo has been kicking the back of your bench ever since the ride started. She has gotten her cotton candy into your hair. But her Slurpee spill washed part of it off.

Behind her is two punk/goth kids, who have never even seen a bar of soap. They are loudly ridiculing the ride, in "leet speak" and other modern kids jargon- the only word you can understand is "fuck". They have their ear buds in, and the music is so loud you can hear it, but not loud enough to make it out- not that'd you'd want to. They are constantly texting back and forth.


Now, isn't that enough to make you sinners repent?

[Slypork]

Ok, looks like the winner is...."It's a Small World". So here, dudes for your edification is Hell:

<snip>

Now, isn't that enough to make you sinners repent? What are you talking about? That perfectly describes my last trip to Rat DisneyWorld. You forgot about the family reunion with the matching T-shirts proudly proclaiming “Smith Family Reunion 200_: We Rule the World!”

[Trunk]

That song that goes,


Hot Potato Hot Potato
Cold Spaghetti Cold Spaghetti


and anything that resembles that at all.

It was playing in a car once with my nieces, and I swear my temperature was literally rising. A wave of "panic" came over me like I had to get out of there NOW. . .like I was about to yell out even though my nieces were singing along, and I think it made me HATE my nieces (momentarily) for liking it even though they were like 3 and 4.

I'd rather go to hell without that song than heaven if I had to hear it occasionally.

[Hockey Monkey]

My own personal hell would have Bluegrass piped in nonstop. :::shudder::: Every other genre of music, I can tolerate on some level. Bluegrass makes my ears bleed.

[What Exit?]

Ok, looks like the winner is...."It's a Small World". So here, dudes for your edification is Hell:

You are in a small boat, on a river of sloooooooly moving boiling asphalt. Around you, on both sides, are badly done animatronic demons, singing "It's a Small World" in that high pitched kids voice they used. Over and over and over and over and over. It's about 105 degree F, and it's very muggy. The air conditioner is just wafting bad smells out. The bench is hard, and makes your back hurt. Your ass is stuck to the seat with sweat.

Here are your fellow passengers: Sitting in your row are two sweet little old people.The woman has on so much cheap perfume that your eyes are watering and there are palpable waves coming off her, she is chattering constantly to her husband who is not listening as he is asleep and drooling on your shoulder. His elbow is very sharp. Both have the "funny old folks smell", and someone's adult Depends not only needs changing, but is leaking. Your pants are only slightly wet, but you know it will get worse.

Starboard and ahead are two German tourists, smelling of cheap beer and cigarettes. They are so grossly fat the boat lists alarmingly to starboard. They are singing along, in German. Out of tune. Beside them are two Japanese tourists who are taking flash pictures so constantly you occassionaly experience a strobe effect. The clicking of their cameras would sound much like a hoard of Hades cockroaches, but your know that can be correct as those very roaches are running across your feet. The floor is sticky, but that doesn't seem to slow them down a bit.

Right behind you is a single mom, with three kids. The baby's diaper needs changing, and the Mom is doing that right here and now, while giving a blow-by-blow on her cellphone to her mother. The baby hasn't stopped crying since the start of your 4 hour wait in line. The two-year old has been sea sick (the quanity was impressive), and is now simply screaming at the top of his lungs. The 4yo has been kicking the back of your bench ever since the ride started. She has gotten her cotton candy into your hair. But her Slurpee spill washed part of it off.

Behind her is two punk/goth kids, who have never even seen a bar of soap. They are loudly ridiculing the ride, in "leet speak" and other modern kids jargon- the only word you can understand is "fuck". They have their ear buds in, and the music is so loud you can hear it, but not loud enough to make it out- not that'd you'd want to. They are constantly texting back and forth.


Now, isn't that enough to make you sinners repent?
You are a sick and demented man, it took me hours to recover from just contemplating what you wrote. You’re new title should be Lucifer’s Consultant. He could learn a few things from you.

Jim {Previous said in jest, please do not take offense}

[DrDeth]

You are a sick and demented man, it took me hours to recover from just contemplating what you wrote. You’re new title should be Lucifer’s Consultant. He could learn a few things from you.

Jim {Previous said in jest, please do not take offense}

I consider your comment- taken in context- to be a compliment. :cool:




"It's a Small World After All"

[flickster]

My own personal hell would have Bluegrass piped in nonstop. :::shudder::: Every other genre of music, I can tolerate on some level. Bluegrass makes my ears bleed.

Well, at least you're in the eastern part of North Carolina instead of the Appalachians

[EdwinBirdsong]

96 Tears by ? & the Mysterians. I’ve mentioned this abomination before. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8165749&postcount=183)

If I went to hell and this song was on my soundtrack, I'd consider myself lucky. Now that I think about it, if I go up to that fluffy-white-cloud place and I don't eventually hear "96 Tears," I'll know I'm not really in heaven after all. ? and co made a slice of garage greatness with this song.

However, if I die and I start hearing Rush, I'll know I'm truly in hell....

[cochrane]

Styx? Boston? Journey? Rush? Van Halen? Foreigner? Chicago?

Sounds like the playlist for South Park's version of Hell, where Satan is always throwing a luau. And yes, throw in the Bee Gees and play Old Time Rock and Roll

Music haters..

[Tikki]

Anything by the Bee Gees. Shrill shrieking does not good music make.

Anyone else ever wonder if Billy Mays is their bastard love child?

[vibrotronica]

"Your Song" by Elton John
And lots and lots of Bob Seger.

[racer72]

Loving You by Minnie Ripperton.
Last Time I Touched Your Face by Roberta Flack.
Brand New Key by Melanie
Any country song.
Any rap song.
Any disco song.
Anything by any of the so called "pop divas", Britney Spears etc.

[EdwinBirdsong]

Anything by the Bee Gees. Shrill shrieking does not good music make.

Try listening to their first album from 1967 (entitled 1st). Very much in a classic English, Sgt. Pepper-esque psychedelic-yet-whimsical vein. Totally unlike their 1970s dross--no shrill shrieking to be found therein...

[missred]

All Enya...all the time
Michael Jackson...post-1984
Panflute and Native American drums played by suburban white folks
Whitney Houston
Conway Twitty...his stuff just makes you want to shower the slime off
And many more already mentioned!

[Marconi & Schmeese]

My name is Cheech and I am the school bus driver,
the yellow school bus driver's who I am. . . .

on and on for eternity. Fuck me.

[Auntbeast]

Brand New Key! I was beaten to the punch!

I despise Chicago. I despise Peter Cetera's voice. This causes me angst because he looks a lot like my grandfather. But egads, Chicago is piped in, in my hell.

Yes. Please, No! Say No To Yes! Blegh.

Any version of "I will always love you" that isn't sung by Dolly Parton. (Yes, I mean you, Mr. DJ at my wedding)

Some portion of my mind remembers being a big enough fan of Van Halen in high school to spend endless hours perfecting their logo on all my folders. For the life of me, I can't figure out why.

Not sure if this applies, but as an avowed atheist, I'll use the phrase "It's your hell, you burn in it." and say that my idea of hell is being trapped in heaven with a buncha fundies. (And really bad, boring, gospel)

[drachillix]

Marching band music.
Modern pop country.

How could you insult marching band music by mixing it into the same post as modern pop country. I would forgive it but I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down. I'm mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round.....

:eek: :smack:

It just slipped out I swear.

[Incensed]

I'm amazed no-one's mentioned Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy". Makes me want to kill someone every time I hear it.

<Incensed (who just returned from a Bobby McFerrin-less day at the beach)springs from chair, strangles Ellef for mentioning this song.>

Also "Centerfield (Put me in coach...)" by John Fogerty. As a baseball purist, that song makes me want to visit unspeakable injuries (with aluminum bats) upon the grinning idiots who think its clever to play it at a baseball game. Its not even baseball song; it's a whining, ersatz, narcissistic ode to guilt trips and pitiable pleas, mixed with some half-assed allusions and contrived, amateurish attempts at poetry. Just thinking about it makes me want to pit JF for leaving CCR.

'I can be centerfield'? JF, WTF. What planet are you from?

[Tabithina]

That song that goes,


Hot Potato Hot Potato
Cold Spaghetti Cold Spaghetti



Oh. My. God. It's back! You put it back in my heaaad! Aghhhh! I think the culprits might be the Wiggles, but I'm trying not to think about it too hard, or their entire, uh, discography will be going through my head. Good call-- this is definitely hell's finest music.

How about Banana Phone by Raffi?
"Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring!
Bananaphone!
Ding dong ding dong ding!
Donanaphone!"

Since I am a mom of a teenager, I feel compelled to add My Chemical Romance to the list. They'd be on the playlist in my hell, especially The Black Parade and Cancer. My son plays Cancer around me just to annoy me.

Country music has a lot of good torture and eternal torment songs...Stand by Your Man, Boot Scoot Boogie, Achy Breaky Heart, Here's a Quarter Call Someone Who Cares--the list goes on and on...

I like some Guns and Roses very much, but some of their music would make the hellish cut. I loathe Welcome to the Jungle.

Has anyone mentioned Havin' my Baby by Paul Anka yet? Or Run, Joey Run?

[Labtrash]

Mickey by Toni Basil,
The Chipmunks Christmas Song,
The Green Acres Theme,
and
Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer,
all on a continuous loop.
Enjoy

[bathsheba]

I got sent to my personal hell aboard the Carnival Spirit. They played the Pina Colada song. Over and over and over.