I will fight to the death against these new overlords. [Archive]

Lynne_kilii

08-12-2007, 12:10 AM

I've stopped cowering when I see you. I've stopped shrieking for my dad/boyfriend/roommate/co-worker to come and kill you. I even didn't kill two of you that I saw the other day- within 15 minutes of each other! I stay in my habitat as often as possible, and don't tresspass into yours very often. So why, spiders, why?

This is a full-force attack on my sanity. I saw three of you in as many hours the other night, all while at work. You were all big suckers, too! I only killed the one, because it was an inch away from my shoe- it was a reflex! And then it had the gall to stick to my shoe, all eight limbs and dime sized body, legs sticking out every which way until I walked outside and wiped it on the doormat as a warning to other spiders what would happen if you came too close and suprised me.

But instead of taking a warning, you're getting more bold! When I moved in, there was one on my doorframe. Months ago, there was one beneath my door knocker. Last week (or so...) there was one on my couch. This week, three while I'm at work. Yesterday, when I got into the canoe (I admit, this was your territory, but I was on the water, from a dock, and you were not a waterbug, nor did you build the dock.). Finally, right now, one crawling up the wall next to my computer.

You are not invited guests, and this state does have the Make My Day law. I will kill you on sight. I will squash you with a shoe, a piece of paper, a tissue, a book... I am not afraid anymore, just pissed off. As previously noted, I will fight to the death- yours- against these new spider wanna-be overlords. May Og have mercy on your souls.

Cordially,

Lynne_kilii

thelurkinghorror

08-12-2007, 12:20 AM

There is a female spider that has been sitting on the windowframe directly above my toilet. She has been guarding a clutch of eggs, and I will leave her until they hatch, after which I will carefully deposit those which become large carefully outside.

Or I can mail them to you if you need any more, perhaps?

Larry Borgia

08-12-2007, 12:21 AM

It's bad luck to kill a spider.

Also, they kill flies and other pests.

pool

08-12-2007, 12:26 AM

I'm generally ok with spiders but I had to make an exception about a month ago. My roomie shrieked and told me to come into the kitchen. Walking on the floor was what looked like a wolf spider with hundreds of babies on the abdomen. I crushed it with my shoe and then a wave of what looked to be hundreds of baby spiders let loose in all directions, That image caused a revolting wave of pure disgust to wash over me. I had a can of bug spray handy and and sprayed them and then began squishing as many as I could. I think I may have killed all but three of four of them. I'll never forget that horrible image of the babies spreading across the floor like that though.

Autolycus

08-12-2007, 12:26 AM

Awww, daddy long-legs are cute.

Achren

08-12-2007, 12:31 AM

Lumpy

08-12-2007, 12:34 AM

I was wondering why my propane grill was shooting bright orange flames out of the burner, until I remembered the propensity of spiders to clog up the Venturi tube. Yep, sure enough, had to poke some webs out of there.

elucidator

08-12-2007, 12:46 AM

From The Honorable Ambassador from Arachnia to the United Federation of Species
To the most esteemed and beloved Lynne, Sublime Goddess of Arachnia: Solemn and Cringing Greetings, Forelegs Waving with Devotion....

Ever since we heard of your divine self (from a hidden but sincere admirer, behind the stove) we have universally accepted your acension, and only beg to draw closer in adoration. The spider you crushed had journeyed for days of severe pilgrimage, without fly or bug, only hoping to tap out in Morse code our secrets, as an offering, upon your toes. Perhaps you misunderstood the gesture.

Perhaps you disdain to be instructed on how to embalm your prey so that it remains fresh and living, perhaps this is why you chose to spurn his sacrifice. Perhaps he was too small, dull and hairless, be assured we are scouring our various species for a much larger, more colorful and thoroughly hirsute envoy! (At this time, the early voting seems to favor some of the Australian candidates, but several South American applicants retain some strong support...)

Be assured we will not falter in our devotions! Waving my forlegs in abject submission, my spinnarets throbbing with religious fervor, I remain...

Lynne_kilii

08-12-2007, 12:49 AM

**glare, smush**

MerryMagdalen

08-12-2007, 04:40 AM

I'm quite all right with my spiders. There was one that lived behind my sink cabinet for a while - she'd have her legs sticking out, I'd make a motion, she'd hide. There's a web behind my toilet right now. The spiders and I have a truce - as long as they're not in or on or around my bed, it's ok. On the toilet seat is bad also.

I used to have mice. I haaaaated mice.

I still get slugs. They get picked up in toilet paper and either thrown out the front window or flushed down the toilet.

(I have found slug trails near my bed. Ewww.)

PunditLisa

08-12-2007, 06:07 AM

I don't kill spiders. They make good housemates as they kill the other bugs that I really don't want.

Of course, they're all named "Boris" as is right and proper.

olivesmarch4th

08-12-2007, 06:23 AM

You guys are all nuts.

Spiders (and slugs, for that matter Merry) make life worth living. When I lived in Mexico there were these very flat kind of spiders about 3 inches in diameter (including their legs) who liked to congregate underneath things. So you'd lift, say, a picture frame off the wall, and about 10 of them would be waiting under there to say hello. Fun to watch them scatter... those suckers moved fast.

Uvula Donor

08-12-2007, 06:33 AM

Meet clockspider. (http://www.randomimage.us/files/clock_legs1.jpg)

Oops...he's shy. Let's take the clock down and say hello, (http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/02_sotrudnik.thumbnail.jpg) shall we?

Contrapuntal

08-12-2007, 06:41 AM

Awww, daddy long-legs are cute.Yes, they are cute. They are not, however, spiders.

Baker

08-12-2007, 06:51 AM

At our graduation review following basic training I stood in formation directly behind my drill sergeant. Now, standing in formation like that, one is not supposed to move around, or show expression.

Haven't a clue as to how is got there, but walking around on the sergeant's hat was a daddy long legs, waving it's limbs, and generally having a good time. Hard to hold in the laughter, especially when you knew the sergeant couldn't see it.

Liberal

08-12-2007, 08:07 AM

Ever since we heard of your divine self (from a hidden but sincere admirer, behind the stove) we have universally accepted your acension, and only beg to draw closer in adoration.

[...snip...]

Be assured we will not falter in our devotions! Waving my forlegs in abject submission, my spinnarets throbbing with religious fervor, I remain...Bah! Ceiling pixies. Those things are just a part of the house. There's no such thing as humans that influence our lives.

WhyNot

08-12-2007, 08:53 AM

Yes, they are cute. They are not, however, spiders.
La la la la I can't hear you!

I bet you were one of those pedantic parents who kept telling us that pandas aren't bears at all, but Giant Chinese Racoons. Well HA! HA, I say, we've been vindicated in that struggle, and we'll prevail in this one. Someday, the Daddy Long Legs will be properly recognized as a spider once again!

Oh, look, it already is. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daddy_long-legs_spider)
The Pholcidae are a spider family in the suborder Araneomorphae.

Some species, especially Pholcus phalangioides, are commonly called daddy long-legs spider, daddy long-legger, granddaddy long-legs spider, cellar spider, vibrating spider, or house spider. Confusion often arises because the name "daddy longlegs" is also applied to two distantly related arthropod groups: the harvestmen (which are arachnids but not spiders), and crane flies (which are insects).

Captain Amazing

08-12-2007, 10:43 AM

The OP reminds me of this article....

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/single_bee_sends_gathering_of

Jackmannii

08-12-2007, 11:59 AM

When we lived in Texas an enormous spider took up residence in the overhang next to our side door. We named her "Queenie", greeted her on entering and exiting, fed her the occasional snack and rejoiced when she produced eggs.

Leave them spiders alone and go out and empty the water-containing receptacles in your yard, to keep down the mosquito harvest.

And if you don't want a pet spider, visit these folks (http://www.wormman.com) for some great alternate ideas.

percypercy

08-12-2007, 12:06 PM

My parents have black widows at their house. I can't think of anything else to say. Lemme just repeat that, there's black widows over there. A whole bunch of them.
-Lil

MissTake

08-12-2007, 12:54 PM

For some unknown reason, some of he spiders in my home desire to become government workers. I'll be sitting at my workstation here and doodeedoo here comes a tiny spider on her web right down in front of me onto the keyboard.

I keep telling her the pay is crap and she's too industrious to be a government worker, but yet she does this daily.

In the basement I don't mind them. On me while I'm sleeping? I mind terribly. Then they get smushed.

Morgyn

08-12-2007, 11:35 PM

I still get slugs. They get picked up in toilet paper and either thrown out the front window or flushed down the toilet.

(I have found slug trails near my bed. Ewww.)Slugs? Slugs in your house? Slugs in your bedroom?!!??? :eek: :eek: :eek:

Salt them, I say. Let them dissolve in gooey agony.

*horripilates* Slugs. Ugh.

Superfreaknduper

08-12-2007, 11:54 PM

Yes, they are cute. They are not, however, spiders.

you may just have shattered my existence..please explain further.

Typo Negative

08-13-2007, 01:50 AM

All bugs must die. Spiders are the grossest, so they must go first. Their only hope for survival is to stay out of my house!!!!

Larry Borgia

08-13-2007, 01:58 AM

All bugs must die. Spiders are the grossest, so they must go first. Their only hope for survival is to stay out of my house!!!!Finding the flaw in this plan will be left as an exercise for the reader.

elucidator

08-13-2007, 02:10 AM

If you kill all the spiders, the bugs will have nothing to eat?

essell

08-13-2007, 05:10 AM

The things I call 'Daddy Longlegs' are also known as crane flies. Certainly not spiders.
I hate them. I squish them and spray toxic stuff at them.

Spiders I like. I've got a garden spider in both my bathrooms at the moment and running around the house somewhere is a sizable wolf spider.

Nothing better than watching a crane fly being caught, injected and wrapped up by a spider a third of it's size! mwhahaha.

Creaky

08-13-2007, 05:32 AM

Meet clockspider.

Let's take the clock down and say hello, (http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/02_sotrudnik.thumbnail.jpg) shall we?

Jesus.

Scissorjack

08-13-2007, 06:09 AM

Jesus.

You'll have a fuck of a time crucifying him if it is.

betenoir

08-13-2007, 06:20 AM

If you kill all the spiders, the bugs will have nothing to eat?

Spiders are not bugs.

bete "the reader" noir

But you probably knew that. And that spooje will have to live with millions of flys etc. once he get's rid of our friend the spider.

Creaky

08-13-2007, 06:24 AM

You'll have a fuck of a time crucifying him if it is.

Heh, heh, heh. And just imagine how handy he'd have been for family-style eatin' at the Last Supper.

WhyNot

08-13-2007, 07:37 AM

[vocabulary geek hijack]
*horripilates*
Wow. That's a fantastic word. It's now my official word of the day, and I plan to work it into conversation at least 6 times before breakfast. Thanks! [/vocabulary geek hijack]

kidchameleon

08-13-2007, 08:01 AM

If ever there was a case for justified genocide, spiders are it. Not that there's many invertebrates I'm on good terms with, but spiders are the worst of the lot.

MeanJoe

08-13-2007, 08:09 AM

I cannot fathom you dopers who are pro-spider. If I read this correctly, some of you have spiders in your bathrooms and roaming around willy-nilly? And you are okay with this?!? If I had a spider in my bathroom either a.) it would die from blunt-force trauma caused by objects that I threw at it from across the room or b.) I'd be defecating outdoors, never ever to return to the bathroom again.

Sweet Jebus, I hate spiders and MeanJoe becomes ScreamingHissyFitRunningAway-Joe when I find a spider in my house, on my porch(s), or exterior windows. At my last house, I had one OUTSIDE my bedroom window who made a large web whose center was near the middle of the window. I could see him, knew mentally that he was outside, and I didn't sleep for 2 days.

I hate, hate, hate spiders.

MeanJoe

fisha

08-13-2007, 08:21 AM

Lionne

08-13-2007, 08:25 AM

My neighbor used to have a giant garden spider web in her yard. Pretty much every day after I discovered it, I'd catch some moths from the yard, grab their wings and launch them into the web. Then I'd watch the ensuing struggle and capture.
That spider had so many moths on his web, it's a wonder it didn't fall apart from the weight.

I like spiders.

MeanJoe

08-13-2007, 08:32 AM

I don't mind spiders or bugs in general, unless there are a multitude, or very large. I ran across some spiders while fishing on creeks like this, and wasn't too pleased.

http://www.pbase.com/mnrovers/image/57663108

But, I too, cannot grasp how you let spiders live in the house. Even if you just grab them and throw them outside, no biggie, but cohabiting with misc bugs is just wrong, especially in the bedroom. I'd think I was really slacking in cleaning the place up.

*don't click that link*

*do NOT click that link*

*don't do it*

- click -

OH SWEET MOTHER F-CKING CHRIST!!!!!

*huddling in the corner sucking thumb*

What the hell is wrong with you people!!!

MeanJoe

Mellivora capensis

08-13-2007, 08:35 AM

Yes, they are cute. They are not, however, spiders.

It might be a case of different usage for different countries, but in this part of the world the term Daddy Long Legs most commonly refers to spiders in the Pholcidae family (we have three genera in the family of Pholcidae)

http://www.museums.org.za/bio/spiderweb/pholicid.htm

Opiliones, however, are not spiders. They look a lot like DLL spiders, and to confuse matters, are sometimes are called DLLs.

http://www.museums.org.za/bio/arachnids/opiliones.htm

fisha

08-13-2007, 08:47 AM

Then you for sure don't want to click on this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIml7cPow0E

ftr I was totally creeped out. There's not enough money in the world for that.

Mellivora capensis

08-13-2007, 08:52 AM

'kin hell.

When I are hungry, I are bad at at editing.

Food, bring me food.

Mama Tiger

08-13-2007, 08:53 AM

I don't mind spiders as they eat the bugs I really don't like. I do, however, prefer that they avoid places where they might actually end up on my person. In Texas, I had little furry hunting spiders that lived outside a number of my windows; they don't spin webs, just catch and eat bugs, and I made sure they remained unharmed when the exterminator would come by to kill the rest of the bugs. Which was fine; he liked them, too.

But I also sometimes discovered a black widow or, worse yet, a brown recluse spider on my garage door. For some reason, the edges of the garage door were their favorite place. So I had to keep a sharp eye out for them, and they got sent to spider heaven as soon as I found them. Spiders that won't hurt me I can deal with; spiders that can, bye-bye!

The things that totally creep me out are silverfish, slugs, and <shudder> leeches. I once picked up a small leech on my leg while trying to hack through the jungle in our new back yard in Louisiana, and my family is still laughing about my screaming like a little girl and spinning in circles freaking out.

Boulter's Canary

08-13-2007, 08:57 AM

It might be a case of different usage for different countries, but in this part of the world the term Daddy Long Legs most commonly refers to spiders in the Pholcidae family (we have three genera in the family of Pholcidae)

http://www.museums.org.za/bio/spiderweb/pholicid.htm

Opiliones, however, are not spiders. They look a lot like DLL spiders, and to confuse matters, are sometimes are called DLLs.

http://www.museums.org.za/bio/arachnids/opiliones.htm

In my part of the world (south east England), Pholcus phalangioides is known as the cottage spider, due to it's liking for old buildings (Especially thatched ones). Crane flies and harvestmen (Opiliones) are known as 'daddy long legs'.

I'm an arachophobe, btw, and as far as I'm concerned, spiders come in three sizes: 'tolerable', 'big buggers' and 'ARGH!' Anything larger than tolerable gets Dysoned with extreme prejudice.

TroubleAgain

08-13-2007, 09:40 AM

My husband killed my big spider in my bathroom. :( It committed the cardinal sin of getting too close to him (on the shower curtain) instead of hiding like I've encouraged it to do.

Mellivora capensis

08-13-2007, 09:40 AM

Thanks for the info, Boulter's Canary. Just goes to show why scientific names are useful.

One of the urban legends here is that the DLL is mega venomous. This is simply not true, and it is believed that this story got started due to mistaken identity. The DLL at a glance looks like the Violin Spider. Now there's a major league arsehole.

I'd rather get bitten by a Button Spider (neurotoxic) than this fiddling cytotoxic sumbitch. Necrosis anyone?

http://www.museums.org.za/bio/spiderweb/bites.htm

BrainGlutton

08-13-2007, 11:07 AM

Look, Lynne, if you really want to get rid of 'em, set off a bug-bomb in your place and it will kill the spiders too.

Before long, of course, new bugs will move in to the vacant niche, and new spiders not long after.

Lynne_kilii

08-13-2007, 11:25 AM

It's not enough spiders for a bug bomb. And I have no other bugs- that I can see. Let's not get onto telling me about the bugs I can't see.

BrainGlutton

08-13-2007, 11:53 AM

It's not enough spiders for a bug bomb. And I have no other bugs- that I can see. Let's not get onto telling me about the bugs I can't see.

If you've got spiders, you've got bugs. Spiders don't live on the contents of your pantry or your garbage.

Dung Beetle

08-13-2007, 12:54 PM

Of course not. They live on your fear!

lisacurl

08-13-2007, 01:23 PM

I used to be on board with the happy environmentalist viewpoint that spiders are good and virtuous and our friends of the insect kingdom until one of the little bastards bit me. After nursing an itch on my leg for what seemed like months, and a cratered scar for a time after, I squash first and ask questions later. At least inside the house. They can live freely outdoors if they don't mess with me.

Skammer

08-13-2007, 01:24 PM

I crushed it with my shoe and then a wave of what looked to be hundreds of baby spiders let loose in all directions, That image caused a revolting wave of pure disgust to wash over me. I had a can of bug spray handy and and sprayed them and then began squishing as many as I could. I think I may have killed all but three of four of them. I'll never forget that horrible image of the babies spreading across the floor like that though. Do you know what will happen when those survivors grow up and swear vengeance on you?!

Thudlow Boink

08-13-2007, 01:35 PM

Anaamika

08-13-2007, 01:47 PM

I'm another one who adopts a "live and let live" policy. They stay out of my hair, they live. Only one spider has ever crawled into my hair and I am still P.O.'ed about that one - I let him live, and an hour later I found him in my hair. It was the highest-pitch scream I ever emitted.

My SO also finds them and stomps on them though. :( I can't complain, because he kills centipedes for me.

TroubleAgain

08-13-2007, 02:26 PM

Do you know what will happen when those survivors grow up and swear vengeance on you?!

"Hello, my name is Hogna carolinensis*. You killed my mother. Prepare to die."

*The first wolf spider I found the "real" name of.

Scissorjack

08-13-2007, 03:24 PM

Heh, heh, heh. And just imagine how handy he'd have been for family-style eatin' at the Last Supper.

We're gonna need a bigger cross.

Ludovic

08-13-2007, 03:47 PM

It's not enough spiders for a bug bomb. Do I sense a new humorous comparison: "my house is a few spiders short of a bug bomb."

BlinkingDuck

08-13-2007, 03:49 PM

pool

08-13-2007, 03:54 PM

Originally posted by Skammer
Do you know what will happen when those survivors grow up and swear vengeance on you?!

Ha! Yeah Right! It would take the combined efforts of all of th

BaneSidhe

08-13-2007, 03:56 PM

I like spiders but that Clock Spider...SHRIEEEEK!! RUN AWAY!!

Toaster

08-14-2007, 06:35 AM

I have been bitten by two brown recluses in two parts of the country, both very close to my heart requiring lots of attention for months. (Bitten on boob + medical tape = tearing areola skin that isn't actually necroticizing yet. Lovely.) I think I'm allowed to despise them.

Here we have black widows, that like living in the dirt on the lawn. Two petite dogs we have. I don't want them at risk. We have pest control spray the outside of the house twice a year and the worst we ever see indoors is a gnat that comes to look at the bananas. Except for one week after each spraying we might see two spiders total that presumably come in and are dying. They get smashed. Always. So any spiders in our house are definitely not "hey you got other bugs they're eatin'."

I'm proud. Only in the last year have I been able to get close enough to smack them with blunt objects like VCR cassettes. Even the tiniest ones have to be smashed about seven or eight times to guarantee their death. I can't do anything after that, though. I have to bring in someone else to throw away the body. It'll sit there forever otherwise.

I'd rather deal with a spider than a goddamn fucking butterfly though. FUCK those things. Them and moths. The bigger, the worser. You can't tell where they're going! They just drift around randomly! They might land on you and you can't notice and dodge, like with bees or wasps! Oh god...now I feel so itchy and nervous.

Fake edit: I just now got the first clock spider picture to work. Now I want to die.

betenoir

08-14-2007, 08:22 AM

I'm confused....

We had a critter where I grew up (North Dakota) that was called Daddy Long-legs.

However, it looked nothing like the wikipedia link.

The daddy long-legs I picture looks like the spider thing in a Johnny Quest episode...like a ball with 8 legs and 2 antenna coming out of it. What the heck is it if it isn't a daddy long-legs?

I don't know but it probably was. There are a bunch of little creatures that are called daddy long legs. Most of them are not spiders but are arcnides. And no I didn't know you could be one withought being the other until recently. But there it is.

kh.4

08-14-2007, 08:37 AM

There are often spiders in the bathroom at my house. Because I am a man, I pretend not to be bothered. In reality, I eye them warily and the second they scuttle towards me, scream like a little girl and run outside.

Even the tiny ones.

TroubleAgain

08-14-2007, 08:42 AM

::sigh:: My best joke all week, and nobody even notices.

Lynne_kilii

08-14-2007, 09:29 AM

I noticed, and pointed it out to my co-worker. We did an Inigo Montoya riff last week. :)

Sailboat

08-14-2007, 10:10 AM

"The S.O.U.S.*s? I don't believe they exist." *thud*

*Spiders of Unusual Size

Sailboat

TroubleAgain

08-14-2007, 10:14 AM

Yay! I love Princess Bride. And spiders. I have a lovely banana-spider who's made a lovely laddered web between my patio screen and eaves. I like to watch them.

Wonderwall6129

08-14-2007, 05:00 PM

I saw that happen in a hallway in my high school. Someone stepped on it, then many babies everywhere, with a couple dozen kids around suddenly freaking out and trying to kill them all. I've always wondered what that looked like to a distant observer.
Ha ha ha, yeah! Because someone twenty, thirty feet or so from the mayhem wouldn't see the spiders, they'd just see a bunch of people going completely ballistic.

Though I must say, that image gives me the heebie jeebies like only Rosie O'Donnell can, which is saying something. What really creeps me out about spiders is the way they move, so graceful and yet so creepy. It's odd how I can see something as elegant and freaky at the same time.

sturmhauke

08-15-2007, 02:47 AM

I suppose I would be more wary of spiders if I lived in an area where they had fucked up flesh destroying venom, but here in California they're mostly harmless. We have black widows in some parts but I've never seen one. Hell, I wish I had some spiders in my new apartment to eat the damn flies. I tend to find corpses of flies laying around that died of exhaustion because they couldn't find the exit.